68. Processes & Goals, How To Win As Fathers

What a journey, mate. Yeah. How long's it been?

It was just up to years, so 10 months. Yeah.

Unbelievable. How's it all going?

Good. Real good. Yeah. Obviously had some really good wins early. Smashed out of probably the first three months, and now I've just been maintaining pretty heavy workload.

Look completely different, man. Yeah, it's. It's amazing to see, and that's what I love about what we do here. And for you guys, welcome to another episode, by the way, Real Dad Moving podcast. We've got ads who's. I'm not going to say former member. He was a member, but now he's a coach and part of the team and now actually our operations manager for rdm. And we're building some big things, aren't we, mate? Absolutely. Yeah.

I look at even the growth from when I started as a dad to now, where we've gone and where we're going. Unbelievable.

It's great to see that things take time, but I guess the biggest thing that I love is seeing the progress of what the dads get. Just like yourself, Adam. Like, when ADS started with us, a lot of similar patterns, issues, challenges, changes, and yes, we want a goal, we want a result. We spoke about this earlier, before we jumped onto this episode, about, yes, being driven towards a goal, but working on the processes. And that's the point of today's episode. We had an episode podcast. I think it was 36 or 37 with Adam and Mate, that was awesome. But I thought it'd be great to get him back on now. On the other side, in the inner circle. Well, the whole inner circle of rdm, but on the other side. And actually a coach who's helping deliver this value and this message from fathers all over Australia. And it's just good to see that when we do it, we're doing it, A, the right way, B, by focusing on the processes, and C, with those who value it and experience it the most. Like yourself.

Absolutely, yeah. Like you said, like, touching on the process is huge for me, and it's probably something I wasn't really aware of as much and didn't give us enough credence at the time. And we talk about setting goals and everyone's got a goal, but if you don't know how you're going to get there, you won't get there.

It's always asking the questions, you know, asking the hows, like, how, okay, this is what I want. Awesome. One, why do you want it? Two, how are you gonna get it? And I guess I'd love to just. Just a quick refresher for some of you dads. You should definitely catch up with that episode. I'm pretty sure it's episode 36 with ads, but, you know, should definitely catch up on that. But I guess I'd love to just get a refresher made on yourself, your journey, where you've come from to now. Yeah. So I guess.

It'S hard to recap in a couple of minutes, but yeah. Three kids had a knee rep instruction a couple of years ago, so let myself go quite a lot. I was pretty down on myself and again, I wasn't setting any goals, but.

I also wasn't following any processes.

So I was just going through day to day. My two oldest boys are on the spectrum asd, so that has its own challenges. So I was letting everything get on top of me rather than taking control over my own life. And that's when I joined rdm. And that was probably the biggest takeaway, the biggest learning for me was just finding ways to take control of my own life and making things happen for me.

Still remember our first conversation, mate? I don't know if you do. Yeah.

I'm probably more than the tone. I was thinking, holy shit, what is this? Because it wasn't like you join a program where it's just, okay, here's a challenge, here's a piece of books and go away and either win or you don't. Where it was like, no, no, we're going to challenge you. But you know, if you commit to it and you. And you do the right things, you'll get your results. And here we are 10 months later.

It's unreal, man. And that's what I love the most. And I'm sure you guys can see now why Adam's on the inside having three kids. I've just had a third. So he's going to be helping and guiding me along the journey.

Good luck.

That's right. As I said, good luck, mate. Here's a manual I opened up. There's nothing in there. Box fire. I found it real funny just to sidetrack a little bit, having the third. It's like if they're all. If they're all squared away, like they're either asleep or they're set or they're eating their dinner properly.

Not throwing shit all over the floor.

They're doing it. Not doing what you think they should do or doing the right thing. Kids. But I find that there's periods where it's actually calm, but then comes the chaos and. Oh, man, chaos. Comes if one of them's playing up, the other two are good. Okay, we can manage that. But then when all three are playing up, what do you do?

Yeah, you hold onto your hat. I think that's where the control comes in. And Drew, our mindset coach posted something, I think it was this morning or the other day, about how your attitude reflects your child. Especially before bed, after they wake up, if you're angry and yelling and worked up, that's exactly how they're going to be. So I think the biggest thing is trying to keep calm. It's not always possible. I think all the dads out there know exactly what I'm talking about. You can't always keep a lid on them, but as much as you possibly can, if they're acting crazy, you're that calm in the storm so that you're that what they gravitate towards. If you're losing your mind as well, it's just going to exacerbate the problem.

It's always interesting when you see that, like, the kids are expressing a certain energy and what that does, it reflects what's going on with you inside. I always find that, like, the best times where I know my frame solid, how I'm handling myself is when I'll discipline Stella or Lillian. So obviously my older kids, Roman's just a baby who's just on the move and burping and shitting and sleeping and screaming. But with the other two, I find a lot of the times they do things that fascinate me. When I discipline them, I just give them a little injection of the energy they need, which not a front, but I guess the face that they need to just adjust and course correct a little bit with themselves. I don't want to tend to be robots, but, you know, there are times in kids need to go, hey, this is a bit of a boundary here. And then I walk off some more often than not, sometimes I just laughing or shaking my head. And that's what I know. I'm like, okay, I've created this level of discipline to go, this is what you need to do. But it hasn't affected me because when they're in go around the corner or they go in their room or they do what they need to do or they jump in the bath. I can have a bit of a chuckle myself. Just fascinates me, man. And when I'm like that, I find I'm much better parent and father. But it's because of that control, like you said. And I guess touching back to our first Phone call. I just knew. And it's not that dads have to have a sporting background to be part of rdm, but we're not here to save dads. But I knew our first phone calls. Like, man, I can see and feel that this guy, he's got that fire in the belly. He's got that fucking drive. He really wants this. We just need to harness it and nurture it. And. Oh, man. Right out of the gates. Fucking crushed it.

Yeah, I think I lost 10 kilos in the first six to eight weeks, which was insane. And then, yeah, got up to 15 kilos, and now I'm sort of maintaining that 92 kilos, which is good to build muscle. I'm still. You know, we talk about body shape rather than weight, and, you know, I've managed to maintain that, and I've been pretty crazy with work and different things. I mean, I'm trained as much as I did the first three months, but, yeah, that's when you die on nutrition, you know, so you might not be able to work out as much as you want, but you find another way to. To get that 1% better every day.

And that 1% generally with us and what we do. And like I said, guys, Adam's obviously on the inside now. Our big focus is what that 1% entails, which is energy. How can we get and have more energy, but then harnessing that to build the right processes. So what we do is not only efficient, but it's effective. That's one of the books I think you and me both read and listen to. So at the same time, the one thing. And they talk about that fantastic book. Yeah, it's a great book because you can only focus on one thing at a time. It's like, okay, you can do something efficiently, but is it effective? Which means you can do something. But is it the right thing? Are you doing it the right way, or are you doing the right thing? And I don't know, man. Like, you've got three kids, and they're obviously a little bit older than mine, so I'd love to go to you for this question. Like, how important is energy when you're outnumbered and you're handling the energy and the resistance that your kids put onto you whilst you're trying to be a father as well as you're working husband yourself?

It's huge. And the right type of energy as well. So one, physical energy, so making sure you're fed and fit and healthy, but also two, the type of energy you bring to the table. And I Find that lack of sleep as you'll know it just brings out that negative energy. And the minute you project that, you're just building on negative. And I think it's something you've mentioned too. Like if you're coming home from work and entering a pre lived environment, the energy you brings is huge. If you had a bad day and you're bringing that negative energy, your kids are stoked to see you and you're just too tired. All they'll remember is they just run to the door because dad's home and they're super excited and you shut them down. So it's such a simple thing. But the type of energy you bring just means so much to them. Especially if you haven't seen them much like me, I, I look at it, you know, I might work 12 to 15 hour days, get home 11 o' clock at night at times and they're obviously in bed. The first thing they do when they wake up, they wanted to see me the night before.

Yes.

Dad's a way cool, you know, if I shut them down because I'm tired, that's, that's their whole day. That's the negative, that's the negative energy they're going to bring that whole day. So that's, that's where we have to be really mindful of where we're at. And even if you're not feeling yourself projecting because I think you're fine too if you, if you're feeling pretty negative, you project positive energy somehow it tends to rub off on yourself anyway. So whatever you internalize and force yourself to feel that way, you generally feel that way.

Very powerful man. That's something I'm learning with that we always continue to learn, turning a negative into a positive. How do you do that? What are some things I guess like you spoke about internalizing all. That's great. Yeah. I can see there's different things to do in rdm. But for the guys who obviously aren't part of the inner circle, how do you do that? Because it is hard at times. How do you turn that? What do you find gives you that higher ratio of success in turning a.

Negative into a positive? I think creating space is a big one. If you create space for yourself to reset, that's huge because even. And it's a video I posted a few months ago, I was having a really bad day and I was really, really snapping at the kids and I went out for a walk and just reset myself. So I came back in with the right mindset. That was huge. If you don't have time for that or you can't remove yourself from the situation. Just a mental reset is huge if you feel yourself working up, but in the heat of the moment it's quite tough to do. But if you can feel yourself going that way, just mentally reset, take 10 seconds, whatever you need, go. Okay, am I increasing the problem or am I helping the problem? And like I said, it is tough to do, but if you can internalize it at that time and say, what am I doing? But in general, move the body, nourish the body to those pillars. If you can do that, you're going to have a lot more energy to be able to manage yourself. If you're tired, if you're run down, if you're not fit, if you're eating shit, you're not going to have as much power in yourself to make those changes and to make those decisions.

And it's something where we talk about the circles of significance, family, self and service. Three things make up your life. And I'll get significance in service where I'm helping dads and reaching out to other dads and then the dads who are asking me questions and private messages and all the moving parts. And then all of a sudden I get that level of significance in doing that and then I want to get that and help in the family. Fuck, man. And I've fallen into that trap. It's been three days. I've actually created space for myself. So I've had good little hits of dopamine or whatever you want to call it in doing things for others. And I feel important. It's like, fuck, actually I haven't even focused on myself.

And that's where I feel like I.

Can get treated a lot more quickly. Why am I responding this way? Like Stella just did this thing and I'm very aware. I think awareness is important, but. But I also can knock that on the head. But it's a pattern that I see going. Well, that's a pattern that can build pretty quickly. If you don't have that ability to create time out for yourself, what are we talking about? 1,000 minutes a day, seven hours and 20 minutes of sleep and it gives you 1,000 minutes a day. You can't take 1% out for yourself and there's something wrong. That's 10 minutes, the lack of sleep that I'm getting at the moment. And it's really funny that you're talking about the negative into a positive because I didn't think about that until just then. I've heard it like you hear it, you know, how do you turn a negative into a positive? And you hear that sort of mindset, affirmation type thing. Let's do this, let's do that. But last night was a fucking nightmare, man. Like we got no sleep. Roman was screaming and then Lillian was screaming, Stella, we're trying to get her off nappies and shit, went to bed second night in a row. We just stick with it. So it's just. So she comes into bed with us and it's just like, man, last night was tough. And Krin and I woke up, I woke up with a screaming headache, had no sleep and you know, just we started getting dressed and we looked at.

Each other and just laughing like, oh, man, nailed.

And most of the girls school today, which is awesome. But as I got dressed, funnily enough, because we talk, you and me have been talking about six symbolism, like the gear that we have and some exciting things we've got coming up and some apparel for a lot of fathers, which is going to be awesome. And some, you know, heaps more. But as soon as I put this shirt on, I looked in the mirror and I saw this. And it's just, it just reminded me of all the dads, all the inspirational sort of stuff. And it wasn't a cheesy moment. I actually turned into a smart ass in my cell phone. I just looked at myself in the mirror and said, this is going to be the fucking greatest day of my life. I said, I don't need any sleep. I'm the fucking man. This is going to be the best day ever. And I just laughed. And as soon as I said that, I was actually being a smartass. Not cynical, but I'm a bit of a witty smartass at times. I was just as smartass myself, going, hey, Al, you've had no sleep.

You're gonna fucking crush today.

It's gonna be awesome. Hey, you know what, man? It instantly lifted me. I couldn't believe it. And then Lillian came up and gave me a big hug and just said, daddy shoes, go to school. Like she's putting together amazing sentences and actually just really lives to be met. And I know I'm gonna be tired probably in a couple of hours. 2, 3, 4, 5pm I'll have a bit of a crash because I've had no sleep. And luckily I've got mojo. That's a life saving man. Yeah, unbelievable. But don't do a triple shot. That's how Craig got pregnant. I've never done a triple. I've done A double here and there, which has been amazing but pretty clean. Now it's only equivalent of a double shot coffee or two single shots. But I couldn't believe it, man. Just like you said, it rubs off on you when you, when you just push out that positivity, even in your words and I guess your energy.

Well, it's funny they mentioned that too because especially for most of the guys doing nine to five jobs and you know, those full time hours, you wake up tired, you've still got to go and do the job. So you can get in the mindset of I'm going to be tired all day or oh, I'm going to have a crack anyway. Yeah, you're going to crash but ultimately you're still going to do the same job. You still, still going to do it to the best of your ability. So the way you enter that dictates your day. And I know that's something I learned when I was commuting to Sydney every day. You know, I often woke up tired. I thought, well, I'm going there anyway. You know, I'm not going to call in sick so I might as well do the best I can with what I've got. I'm not going to be my best, that's okay. I'm still going to achieve what I can because ultimately whatever I achieve today, I don't have to do tomorrow. I'm still going to improve, you know, 1%, 10% or I could just, you know, go through the paces and today's a waste of day and you do that enough of your time, you've got a waste of year, you've got to waste two years. So you know, when very rarely do we wake up and we're at our best, you know, there's always, especially as dads, there's always something, there's always a frustration and you know, it's easy to say, it's hard to live, but ultimately if you have that in mind, that's how you improve. Because it's not the days that you're up and about that, you know, dictate how your life goes. It's the ones we down and out and how you react to that. And that's something I found, you know, with RDM as well. The first three months I was flying, then I had a really rough period where I really flattened out, wasn't training and then slipped back into habits and then I sort of course corrected and went, well, is this where I want to go? You know, I'm having a rough period where I'M flat out when there's a lot of things going against me, well, I can still grow in this period. And I think that's the trap that a lot of us fall into, is we see all these negatives piling up, so we just go on, but there's no growth there. It's just survival mode. And ultimately, if you enter survival mode, wherever you exit it, however long that is, that's exactly where you're going to be.

It's life, isn't it? Man, it's fucking amazing. Those watching this or listening to this, I think should really probably just hit the rewind button for a minute and a half to two minutes and listen to that again, because that's. Man, that is to a T what fatherhood has taught me. This is someone who's a professional athlete and you've got an athletic background as well. And it's like, you know what? After the first game of the season, when are you ever 100%? Oh, bang. I've fractured my pinky. Cool. Just tape it together.

She'll be right.

I've rolled the ankle in this game. Awesome. All right, we're just going to get some tape on your ankle and I've got a bit of a pinch in my shoulder. Okay. Do your rehab today or this week instead of. Of weights. And are you okay to play? And how many games do you sit out? Rarely any, unless it's something that really impairs you. And it's fucking life, man. Like. And it's been a tough sort of probably four months for me in the sense that Kryn was in and out of hospital before the little man was born. He was still born premier, so I've got issues there. And he's nearly a month old now. And it's just. It's something where all the moving parts have still put me in a position where my fundamentals, at my base, the processes have still been there, the belief and the faith and trust in myself. And RDM has still been there because I'm accountable to rdm. The tribe inspires me, basically. And I've still performed at a really high level. So what I get, which I've actually gotten lately, in the last couple of weeks, we just had days where it's all clicked and I've had more. I've had some sleep or some naps or caught up and I've been firing. It's been like, oh, man, I'm fucking unstoppable when I'm nearly 100%. But even though I've been sort of 70 to 90% for a few months now. Still been productive. I've still gotten results, still worked on my processes, my systems, to be more just like, hey, you know what a large portion, large portion of your life is not necessarily going to be when you're firing on all cylinders, but what can you do? And that's the big thing. There will always be something, won't there, mate?

Always. Especially with dads, you know, And I was talking to someone recently because we're talking about younger kids versus older kids. I was talking about how the lack of sleep with younger kids. And we're talking about, I can't wait till my kids are teenagers because, you know, they won't have to me as much. And they said, yeah, but then they start getting their license or they're out drinking. And, you know, there's always something, you know, you can be 60, 70 years old and your kids are still your kids. So there's always gonna be something with kids.

Yeah, and it's. Yeah, the mirror. Like, the father brings up that mirror where it's like, okay, well, these may be the goals and the results that I want, but what are the actual processes that I'm building for myself? And we use the word process. Patterns, behaviors, routines, rituals. Like, we're not robots, but it's like, what can we do day in, day out that's going to consistently move us forward? You said it before, 1%, that's all we needed. Can we move 1%? Some days we may move forward 7%. Unreal. And that week turns into a 7 to 10% week. But there are other times where we are in a fight, we're just holding our own. And I guess it's a rarity to sort of feel like you're crushing it everywhere, but people hold back, even fathers. There might be some of you guys listening now. I'll drop 10 kilos first and I'll contact Alan, RDM, or let me get my nutrition sorted first. Or, you know, we've had fathers who on the phone have spoken about lap band, surgery, all that sort of shit. It's like, yeah, but man, you're treating the symptom, not the cause. You're changing the man and looking at the man who needs to shift. You're waiting for the planets to line. If I waited for the planets to line up, there's no way I would have even started out yet.

Like, no, that's right. And that's a trap that I do. I'll do it tomorrow. Or I'll wait for the perfect moment and you hear about a lot of people that quit smoking or quit drinking or quit these negative habits that they want to get rid of. I'll wait for this 21st because I know I'm going to drink there. Or, you know, if you're going to do it, do it and take action now and then that's because it's easier. It's easy to say you're going to do something without actually having to commit to it. Once you commit to it, that's locked in stone. Especially if you, if you fully commit to it, then there's an opportunity to fail where if you just say you're going to do something and then you don't do it, you haven't really failed because you haven't tried. And that's, that's something we spoke about on our first call and probably the first podcast was, that was the mindset I was in. You know, I didn't put myself out there. Those self limiting beliefs were definitely in play. So I never failed because I never, never tried.

Do you think that's a form of, funnily enough, a hidden form of ego? Like, I think about perfectionists and I'm like, you know, like you're a perfectionist. You want it to be this, for.

It to work, you want to be.

That, for it to be okay. You want this to want for you to go after it. And it's not, I'm not saying like, we all got an ego, we've all got ego, but it's going well. How do we nourish the bigger portion.

Of who we are?

Sometimes put aside the perceived notion of who we should become, which is built off actions that we actually don't end up taking. I laughed at my wife. She's a bit of perfectionist. In Romans, he's a Virgo. Whether you believe in star signs or not. Like, I think they're perfectionists and whatnot. And I said, I laughed and said, man, you and your son are going to have the funniest relationship because both of you are going to be waiting for the perfect storm, but you won't even have a boat jam. And I just sort of laughed and I rattled off and she was thinking about it, but she laughed too. I was like, it's true. Yeah, you won't even build a boat, but you're waiting for this. But it's like, do something. Don't, don't worry about it. This perfect moment and oh man, look, the stories will come out. Not that I'm hiding anything, but the story will have more value As I get older, especially with what I've gone through. But reality is, I went all in on rdm, which meant my gym was slowly dying. I didn't fucking care. I wasn't here wearing, you know, traveling an hour to work every single day as well, which took a little bit of time having young kids, which obviously takes time and energy and effort. So I was maintaining my relationship with myself, my wife. And I'm like, I'm not going to try and make the gym perfect and RDM perfect. It's one or the other. And those listening to this who were members or currently still are members of the gym. You've got an awesome owner now, Brody. He's put his heart and soul into it. That's awesome. It's great for him, his time, his period of life, his journey. Greatest fit ever for that gym. Because that's the truth. And if Covid came and I still had that gym, I would have shut it down. Like that is the truth, man. I'm not sure if people are hearing that for the first time or those who are connected to the gym. I would have because at the end of the day, everything we do is for ourselves and ourselves and our families. And the gym was slowly dying. But it was, it was worth it to me because like, I'm not going to aim for this perfection of people must see me as someone who's a successful gym owner and I'm doing all in an idea, man. And when I started to move and build the processes and the habits towards knowing, understanding, feeling that and doing that. Fuck, look where we are now. That's right. You know, what are some things? Because I know we were going to talk and that's what we're talking about. Like what are the processes and things in place? What are some of the things that you find are sticking points or challenges for fathers and then ways that you get around it instead of being focused on. I want to lose 20 kilos. Like what are some things you find can be pitfalls for dads? And then what are some, I guess, processes that you find might help?

Well, we touched briefly that self limiting belief, that's a huge, huge one I find. And the more we engage with the group, especially because I've been in the group for 10 months now, I can sort of see the same conversations pop up because you see new dads come in and it's a lot of times very similar stuff. So you know, belief as well, you know that, that just lack of belief to be able to actually do it and do it quickly you know, like I said, I was tanky eyes in six to eight weeks because I didn't worry about belief, I just worried about the process. And that was, that was a big one for me and that was something that I turned around. I think that's probably the big one is that self moving beliefs, you put a ceiling on yourself of what you can achieve. Guys look at Drew with the fiery calendar and the six pack and they go, I'll never achieve that. Well, Drew was in exactly the same position however many years ago and he took the action and got to where he wanted to be. So we look at things and go, oh, that'll never be mine. Where there's no reason it can't be. We talk about the ranch and maybe the RDM ranch. So many people would say, well that's, that's just a pipe dream, that's not going to happen. Well, no, let's make it happen. You know what, and how are we going to make it happen? Things like that.

Yeah, and that's the exciting part. When you look at connecting the dots, like there's nothing wrong with. That's the very first pillar in idea, the vision, the true north. We call it the force method, which is, you know, one of the feelings we want to have in our life. Those three areas and we so often say the outcomes, the roadblocks, commitments and evolution. Is this a goal worth chasing? Then okay, cool, we've got all that in place, but what are you going to do about it? Nourish the body. Move the body. Beautiful. Next two pillars. Okay, cool, so we take physical action, but what are the processes inside of that that you're going to build out? You don't want to count calories.

No worries. Why don't you get your eye and.

Understand the value of protein in this size of portion of meat which is basically the same size as your head. And if you're going to go cook three cups of rice, it gives you six serves. Awesome. Split that into six, you're away. Like the, there are processes you can build where you don't have to be a rocket scientist, you don't have to have perfectionism or being a perfectionist to execute and actually move forward. And I think what couples with that man is accountability. That's a big thing I'm seeing. You can be accountable to yourself, but I think it'll only get you so far like we talk about in the ranch, like okay, well who are we accountable to for that to become real? Right here now it's everyone inside of IBM and Actually accountable to the dads outside of IBM. We go, hey, this is the fucking gold standard. This is what we do for dads. This is. Is how we roll, you know, and this is a message that we firmly believe in in the sense that, you know, now we're looking at expanding and we're getting gear, apparel, equipment, dad strong gear. It's fucking awesome, isn't it, man? Some of the stuff we're building out now, we're going to be offering literally within weeks.

Yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable because we looked at, obviously, the gear within the RDM group, and I just look at it as a brand, but not. Not as a brand, let's make money thing, but as a brand having for that dad that's struggling out there, and he sees an RDM shirt or sees dad's killing it with RDM gear, and they think, I want to be part of that, you know, I want to be. And being a symbol, you know, and that's why I love wearing my RDM gear. And my brother Scott, shout out to him, always gives me shit about my purple RDM shirt. So I make a point of wearing it when I see him. But it's not just a shirt, you know, and it's about, what does it represent? And that's what we're big on. And that's why I'm really excited about expanding it to not just the dads in rdm, because they're already part of it. They know what we're about. It's giving dads out there who might be struggling a symbol or something, and then they can, I guess, find their own channels or through us or internally themselves of ways to move forward. You know what I mean? Smart on, man.

It's symbolism. You said the symbol, like, it is what this represents. Like I said putting this on, having an absolutely horrible morning, and then just going back. You know, there are times where it sounds silly. She'll probably listen to this podcast, but, you know, couldn't be walking past and I'll give her a slap on the ass, and I'll just say, fuck, yeah, the dads. Like, it's so silly. And that's not being a stupid boy and playing around. I'll just say it's a stirrer, right? And I'll do other things. I built the fence in my backyard, and as soon as I knocked the last little picket in.

Yeah, the dads.

And then I'm wearing my dad's strong shirt.

I'm wearing all the gear.

It's just so funny. Like, I know they're silly examples, but that's. That's how not trivial, but that's how small it can be. Like, we. We're not here trying to hit home runs. We've all got comeback power. We've all got that ability to go, you know, this is the big one. This is the one. It's like, no, no, no, this is small wins. You know, like when we're saying that last night on our zoom call, like, we had our coaching call with the dads and that's awesome. We're all finishing with. Yeah, dad's from fucking. This, like, becomes a mantra and then it's a way of affirming what it represents. And that is. Right, the symbolism. Dads on the inside, yeah, they understand, but dad's on the outside. They can see. Like, we're transparent. We've got podcasts, we've got this one right here now. YouTube channels, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. It's all there, man.

Like, we.

We shut up. We do that because it's that. It's almost that message. And I use this word cautiously, but it is that message of hope. Because what that means is, you're not alone. We're all going through the same shit. I'm deep in the pit at the moment with number three. The other two aren't really sleeping that well anyway, is what it is. What am I going to do about it? Like I said, the world keeps spinning. Life goes on. I still need to deliver the value I can to RDM to the other coaches in our group as well as my family, my community, my wife, myself, is what it is, but doesn't mean it has to stay that way. What am I going to do to adapt and evolve? And, you know, there are dads who've already contacted us, who are even part of idm, that want the gear because they see it, man. And it's like putting that on and you guys will see it. Like when we're rolling out, you'll see fathers sharing, going, you know what? This is my fucking cape. I put this on and I actually remember because that's what it is. It's just remembering what's possible as well.

It's the same thing. You see dads wearing their footy club colors. You know, they get up on the weekend, they chuck their. Their jersey on and they go to work because it represents something. And rdm, I see no different. You know, it is a brand, but it's also. It's much more than that because of what it represents.

It's like McDonald's, the big M. People say that. What does that represent? You know, represents convenience. Food that may or may not taste nice. Some are depending on them, but almost certainly they'll feel shit afterwards. And it represents a fast solution, probably more often not for the individual or for their kids. Like, okay, well that's your, you see that? That's your symbolism. What I love is what Adam said. It's not branding, it's actually the message behind that where. Oh man, we've had private messages from mothers, women who aren't even mothers, so women who don't even have kids, men who don't even have kids, who've looked into IBM enough on the surface.

I mean we show a lot and.

We give a lot away, but they see that and they're like, fuck, this is amazing. Like you, this is exactly what's needed. And this is so important for fathers out there and they can see the value that being a better father, being a better man means you'll be a better father, better husband, better worker, business owner, whatever it may be. And that carryover effect is awesome, man. And make no mistake, guys, this is what we're talking about in the process of going, hey, I'm not sitting back in my office in Rock Band in my old gym and going, hey, I'm going to have an RDM rest. What are the processes we can put in place? And then it's just building blocks that the stage where now we've got something where people are attracted to, they want to wear, they want to feel, they want to be part of, and it's starting to shine through. Doesn't mean we're the only thing for dads all over the country or the world. But in terms of setting a gold standard and covering all aspects of life, man, it'd be hard pressed to find people talking. What we're doing at the moment, I.

Haven'T seen anything else.

I guess the big thing, mate, is as we wrap this up, it's been awesome having you again, Adam. We'll probably get Adam on a few more times. He's always got some great value. I love that piece that you were talking about earlier where we're just really understanding that value as well as self belief. It's such a powerful thing there. But what's, I guess some advice that you can put. I know you spoke about creating space earlier, but what's, I guess some advice as we wrap this up, you can put to fathers out there who have their goal, they may not have the processes and they may not know how to connect the dots. I guess just as we wrap up, is there any advice or anything you can give to help fathers sort of get that wheel in motion? I guess.

Take the time and we're all time poor, but take the time up front to make the plan and really. All right, how's this going to work? Not an airy fairy plan, but okay, what am I going to do? Am I going to work out three days a week? Am I going to cut this out and really know exactly where you're at and where you're heading? Be realistic with yourself. If you're not where you want to be, why am I not where I want to be? And really create that plan to start with and then just stick to it and work to it and then review it and go again. But if you don't have that plan, if you don't have your stepping stones, you're not going to go anywhere. Yeah, you might, you might work out, you might cut your nutrition for a little while, but if you, if you don't have a process, you're not going to sustain it.

That's a big thing, isn't it, man? The sustainability. Don't just write it on a piece of paper or a post it note. Create a proper plan. If you're on the force method, let us know, we'll send it out so you can have that, you can work through that. It's amazing. Reflection point. Create the plan, be real about it, take some action and review it. Awesome points, man. You keep doing that, you can't lose.

Because you will find a way. And you see guys, especially guys in business, that's how they run their business. They plan, they work the plan, they review. But so many of us, we don't do it in our own lives internally, you know, that's how business works generally. But we don't do it for ourselves. And it's easy to sort of dehumanize a little bit. Where we talk about systems and that sort of stuff, that's exactly what we are. We are what our patterns. We are the system and it's what we choose to create. Because if we don't choose to create any habits, they'll just create around us and we'll be forced into them. So, you know, take control over your own habits. Don't let them happen to you.

Love it, man. Yeah, control the systems and processes. Don't let them control you. Tribes thousands of years ago, what do you think they had, they had structures in place, they had the way they organized the young, the old, the hunters and gatherers, the Nurturers and the nurseries, like, all that sort of stuff. That shit's ancient stuff. Something was created in Western culture 100 years ago. But, yeah, I love it, mate. It's very important.

I suppose the other thing is too, and we haven't touched on it, is environment. And really check the environment. If you look around and the people around you, dragging you down when you're trying to get up. We talk about the crabs in a bucket, but that's a big one. Check your environment. If it's not serving you, think about why it's not serving you and what you can do about it.

It's awesome, man. The environment's the big one. Like, as we wrap this up, all those things just then, golden nuggets, like, will it be sustainable if you plan it and you're real about it and you review it? Will it be sustainable if you have the right environment? Will it be sustainable if you stick that plan and you review the plan of where it's actually taking you, not reviewing the actions you just take? So, yeah, right, this is working for me. This is actually working towards what I want. And that's the thing. Like, as we wrap this up, don't go looking for the fucking flashy object, the shiny object. This is the home run and winner. You know, systems and processes. While it can be perceived to be dehumanizing, it's what we are. It's what creates our life. It's not looking for the big shiny objects. What can I do? Almost, in some areas, that level of not me to go, what's something I can do to create the right process so that I'm actually moving forward and experiencing, living the life I want.

Yeah. And that's the funny thing. Like, sometimes it's embracing the boredom as well of knowing what the process is, because I was actually having a conversation with the local football coach, the women's team. We were talking about how to get the women's team better. And him and I both coached the team and we talked about when we played on other coaches. And for the first half an hour, all we did was stand there and keep the football and handball, the football. And it was boring as batshit. But by the end of the year, our skills are great, you know, and we get into the habit of we want to do all that. Like you said, the flashy thing. We want. The silver bullet, we want to do. We just want to get the result. We want to have fun while we're getting there. Sometimes they're not synonymous. Sometimes you just got to Embrace the boredom and go, okay, if every, if my, My goal is to do 10 chin ups by the end of the year, you know, if I've got to do chin ups every day to get there, that's what I have to do. And it's not always going to be fun, but it's embracing that boredom, embracing the process to get the result that you want and then you'll have a heap of fun.

I bring him up because he's probably my greatest athlete hero ever. When I look at accomplishments, discipline, drive, and he said, it's on that wall there. Started with Hope. Michael Jordan, my cat. How often do you think he dribbled and just shot free throws?

Millions, man, millions of shots.

And then like I said, he probably embraced that and turned around and go, you know what? My fundamentals is going to be so strong. Well, my ass is hanging out and I've played nearly the entire game and the pressure's on me. None of that matters. Going up and form and he just does it. And then you see that, you see the rings, you see the trophies, you see all the glory. And I said that a few weeks ago with our dads in our Sunday session when we're talking about just creating good patterns in your life. I won't always be glamorous. Fuck, man, it'll be glorious. Because you're gonna live life on your terms. More often than not, you're gonna handle the bullshit the world throws at you, which it does. Won't ever stop. Not that I'm gonna have any more kids. I've done it. But it's worth it. That's right. Yes, it's worth it. I hope you guys got some value out of this and thanks for joining us, man.

Fuck you.

Killing it, mate.

Pleasure.

You're doing so well and yeah, anything else you guys need? If you do wanna go on the waiting list, we've got some incredible gear coming out.

Some RDM shows today.

Add strong shirts, let us know, we'll.

Put you on the waiting list.

It's already building. It's awesome gear, like repping the gear. Not just that, it's what it stands for, but if you haven't anything, hit us up. Or if you do want to inquire about that, hit us up with a direct message or an email. Alexdadmovement.com and we'll make sure you're sorted out when we get some gear on, some fresh threads and hats and ah, mate, everything can't wait. Yeah, it's pumped, pumped for it. Thanks guys. Take care. Hope you enjoyed this episode. We'll see you again soon. Cheers, guys. Cheers.