71. The Lessons Our Kids Bring Us

Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. I'm your host, Al. And in this episode, we're going to talk about the gift and the gifts in children. You know, it's a fascinating thing now having my third. When I look over the different segments of life so far, I thought I learned many lessons through the nine operations and ricos that I suffered playing rugby league. Learnt lessons being an elite athlete, Learned lessons as that really heavily overweight, fat, obese boy that no one liked and bullied and got picked on. Learnt lessons when I became the bully. That'll be a whole other episode itself, from going from being bullied to being the bully. Yeah. There are so many moving parts that make up my life, but none create the greatest lessons in which I call gifts than children, our children. And what I wanted to dive into today is just talk about the three gifts I've gotten from my three children so far. And obviously, the gift of having a child is amazing, and that's a miracle in itself when you look at the numbers, 1 in 400 trillion sperm. And for us, our first two were IVF. So many, many years of trial and error. So we're absolutely blessed to have our children. But what I'm talking about is learning the lessons and what fatherhood is. Don't ever forget, you're a man. I'm a man. We're men. Here in the modern world that continues to get faster and faster with the pacing and the hats. The hat rack seems to grow bigger and bigger and bigger. One of the biggest hats, the biggest hat for me is the hat of fatherhood. You're putting it on the man. That's right, you're a man. But you're putting on that hat of fatherhood and what that does. And yes, husband, partner, worker, colleague, business owner, member of society, communities, friendships, there are many different hats, but that one brings up the mirror. Nothing brings up the mirror more than that being a father. And for me, what I wanted to dive into today is a bit of a reflective piece where I want you to explore yourself and really have that reflection and find some revelations in what has happened, what's been shown to you, and I guess some of the secret messages that are not so secret, if you're in tune and aware with yourself of being a father, that the universe shows you. And that's the thing, you may not see it, but eventually it gets presented to you and you can still choose not to see it. You can close your eyes, you can turn away, but you can only do that for so long that Mirror is always being held up in front of you and in RDM and what we do, and hopefully what I do here in the podcast and the episodes you listen to or watch on YouTube is you recognize that I'm holding up the mirror with you and I help you with that. I help you hold up that mirror so we can look at it together. Because very often the things that we do and practice and preach are the things that we need to continue to hone in on and really explore and dive into ourselves, myself included. It never ends. Life continues to get more challenging in many different ways. So as we dive into this, the three children I want to go through each one. My firstborn, Stella, 30 at the time, I'm 35 now, at the time of recording this anyway, and running a gym, owning, being a gym owner and elite athlete coming off the back of representing, if you watch the video, you can see the background. I've got my Italian jersey there. Being half Italian representing Italy, that was the last game I ever played in October 2011, which ultimately ruined my career because my shoulder got destroyed and I was left halfway around the world in Serbia in pieces, knowing that my contract with the Rabbito was gone and everything was torn away. So I got into gyms. Owning gyms started with one on the Northern Beaches, CrossFit wellbeing, and then moved into CrossFit RAW commando in Newcastle. And at the time I had CrossFit RAW commando and became a father for the first time. The IVF worked and the very first gift that Stella brought into my life with my first child was actually looking within. And it's really funny because you don't have to make things very complex. Whilst I have good charisma and a very wide vocabulary, when I'm talking about looking within, man, I'm just talking about simply looking at who you are and not just who you. Which we've all had that moment. I know you've had that as well when you become a dad for the first time. But actually looking within and trying to establish a foundation of what defines you. What choices do you make, what calls do you make in your own life now? I don't regret anything. There's many things up and down, trial and error, things I could look at as fuck ups that have become the greatest lessons and molded me into who I am. So very hard to have regrets if you continually expand and grow, which to date has been my life. Which is why I guess you could say in a healthy way, if you want to use the word, I'm addicted to Growth. Because I know I won't have any regrets when I die. And when Stella was born, here's this man who owned a gym. Physically fit, elite athlete. Overcome so much adversity for that little fat boy and all this sort of stuff. And it wasn't ego that drove me. It was a love and a desire, yes, some pride, but love and desire to be the greatest I can. But it was always driven out of a fear of failure to prove myself to others. And that proving myself to others was through the vessel of physical health and fitness and performance. Physical power. I'm powerful. I'm the fucking man. I'm the powerhouse. And showing that through rugby league and then through CrossFit. No one can do what I can do. I'm the fittest man in the world for my size, which I was 112, 113 kilos at 6 foot 4, competing internationally in CrossFit. No one was doing what I was doing. Handstand, push ups, muscle ups, handstand, walks, all of it. You name it, I was doing it and beating guys a foot, foot and a half smaller than me and 30 kilos lighter. So when I explain that that's not coming from a place of, hey, you should respect or love me more, I'm just sharing with you because to me, that doesn't really mean anything right now. So here's this man who's an unbelievable performer. But ultimately, when Stella was born, there are different moving parts of my life where it meant I didn't have the time that I wanted with my wife. I didn't have the time and quality I wanted with my daughter. Because you know what it's like when you have babies. They're shitting and pissing and screaming, crying, feeding. You need to adapt and adjust. No matter how much people say they work around our schedule, it's like, yeah, but your schedule involves them now. You're not turning your children into robots and you run the show. They're very temperamental, but they're very strong at the same time and resilient. And it was something that all of a sudden, and it wasn't that I craved attention, but all of a sudden, I didn't feel like I was getting the appreciation or the validation that I felt I deserved from my wife, from my family, from my daughter who was. I mean, come on. Like, this is my daughter, you know, she doesn't know what's going on. She's just living and trying to survive and eat. But these are the stories. This is what I was creating inside of my Own head, friendships from my work, from my business work colleagues, the members of my gym. And all of a sudden, this pattern that's been ingrained not completely, but partially with Al wants to strive and be the best he can be because he's overcome so much adversity and been that little fat boy and struggling for a long, long large portion of his life. Coupled with, hey, look at me. I'll fucking show you what I can do. I'm the man. The pattern of that started to creep out. In looking at, finding ways, or just justifying myself to myself, that, hey, people should pay me more attention, they should pay me more respect, and, you know, they should appreciate me more. So what did that lead to? Being a man and hard to communicate in this world and not openly talking about that or feelings as we all do. Right. Obviously that's turned around for me in my life. And this is the lesson I learned with Stella. I didn't really communicate with my wife or talk about many things or hardships I was facing about our intimacy that wasn't there and wasn't existent. And I mean, you guys aren't alone, a lot of you. Most of us are like that. When there's certain periods of life and when we don't communicate about it, what do we do? We suppress it. That suppression plants a seed of a lack of communication, ultimately a level of resentment and bitterness towards our spouse or anyone for that matter, where there's this assumption or expectation, but it's never been put forth, which means there's no truth, which means there is no reality in what you want to communicate and what you want to change. Because you're not initiating that change with action. You're just suppressing it and creating this internal reality. And then there's an external reality and they don't match up, which means you get left with a level of confusion and not knowing where you stand and where you fit in the world, which leads to adopting the behavioral patterns that give you the only thing you can control in life, which is your feelings. And when that manifests, those feelings that you can control in life become disappointment, bitter rage, envy, jealousy, all these different things, things that aren't born out of a lot of love and love and transparency is ultimately letting go. So what that led to was a breakdown in my relationship with my wife. It led to so many different challenges. Wasn't just that, and it was hard, and it compounded over time. And then it started to get better. And this was the biggest lesson that Stella brought to my life. My firstborn brought up to the mirror. And the lesson I got from it was, hey, you know what? Yeah, it's nice when people pat you on the back. And I'm not saying you need to live life as a mute or you need to not depend or rely or take what anyone says to you on board, but you got to create your own level. Not. Not be on the level, create your own level. Because when people give me a pat on the back and go, oh, fuck, man, you're so inspiring, mate. What you're doing with RDM and everything is that it's incredible how you're changing father's lives. I smile, say, thanks, man, I really appreciate it. And on the inside, and it's not to be. Not to be, you know, someone who's driven out of ego, putting himself on a pedestal. But I don't want to go the opposite and talk poppy myself or self sabotage. That's what we do as fathers. We don't give ourselves the pat on the back. So when people compliment me with that, I'm like, thank you very much. I appreciate it, man. That's, you know, it's awesome. It's what I live for. It's what I love doing. But on the inside, I already know that. I already know that I'm a great man with a genuine heart who's helping fathers all over the country win. Which means I don't necessarily need someone else to tell me that it's nice when they do, but I don't need that. Because guess what? If you. Not necessarily crave, but if you use that as a level of adopting, how you can validate yourself or justify who you are as a person, it doesn't come from within. It starts without and comes in. Which means, guess what? When the critics come and they come, man, I've copped a lot of abuse and criticism for my stuff, my ads, what I do, which is baffling, really, but what that does is it showcases that person's internal frame and what's really going on in their life. It's got nothing to do with me. They don't know me. People who know me know exactly how I operate and what I do and what I stand for, which would not hold the grounds for some of the abuse that I've copped. So what that means is if you're going to crave and take on the good, guess what? The bad gets absorbed as well. Maybe that is me. Hey, maybe I'm some guy who's just manipulating and making fathers feel like shit to give me money. Like, this is What I've had before. And sometimes it hurts because I put my heart on the line. I pour my heart and soul into rdm. So it's a very hard line between not being a robot or being a robot. Sorry. And being this unbelievable, empathetic man that wants to move mountains for everyone and try and save people at times. Which I adopted from my mother, bless her. A good and a bad trait because it can destroy you. Adopting that middle ground to go, well, you know what? People pay so they can fucking pay attention. And they pay because I value my time and I value the service and the results and what we deliver. And when they pay, they're more invested, which means they show me they've got skin in the game and they're committed to. So when someone goes and talks about me manipulating all these other moving parts, I'm like, yeah, man, that might be your world, it's not mine. Here's a really big fucking long list of all these fathers and their wives and even their kids to a degree, who've contacted me and said, thank you, you've changed our life. What do you call that? So staying on your own level means when I cop the raps for the good and the wraps for the bad, whilst it may momentarily, because we're all human, influence me. It doesn't define me. And that's what I learned with Stella. It helped me pull away and go, hey, I shouldn't be so dependent on other people justifying and validating who I am as men. I need to build this big breastplate and create who, Alice? It's what else? And it's not a wall. It's not. It's not necessarily when I say breastplate armor to shield yourself from everyone. It's just having that ability to make sure that when things come in, you control the framework of how you absorb them, how you take them in. And the good and the bad just sit on your level, on how you take it, because you already know. Thank you very much, mate. I appreciate it. You know what? Yeah, I love doing this. It's what I do and it's what I've worked very, very hard for. That's why I can do this very well with fathers. You know, I don't say it to them. It's not like someone says, oh, you do an awesome job. And I say, thank you, mate. I know I'm doing an amazing job. It's not stop being, you know, rebuffing or being a smart ass and trying to, you know, go one up on someone giving you a Compliment. But internally, that's my thought process, that's my feelings. That's awesome. People giving me a rap on the back. But shit, man, why wouldn't I be that way? I know I am. I know I'm doing that. And then on the opposite, when people were giving me shit, it's like, yeah, well, why wouldn't I be that way? Sorry. Why would I be that way? I know who I am. I'm not that way. That's not who I am. Stella was amazing because it made me look inside and for someone who was a fit, elite athlete, looked like he had all his shit together and felt like I did as well because I'd overcome a lot of advers who got a big, genuine heart. I started to look and go, wow, I can't believe, just from that little fat boy, the seed that was planted because no girls liked me. I got bullied and picked on my physical performance out the window. What we see is performance and power and value in the world with the opposite sex, with men, with performance, with your status, with your posture, none of that existed for me, which means when I got it, I got it better than most in the world, and it still didn't actually help me at all. Isn't that funny? That was the gift that Stella gave me. Look within, mate. Look within yourself, and you call the shots. Make sure you own them. Own your choices, own your decisions. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But you call the shots in your life. You define how you are, which means, you know what? Yes, sometimes it does take someone else to believe in you for you to raise that level of belief in yourself. That's what RDM is. I'm not saying, like I said, you shouldn't take anything on board when it comes to raising up a standard of who you are. That's what I love about rdm. We raise that with you. But when it comes to people criticizing, ridiculing you, you need to look at both sides of the spectrum and go, hey, neither of these can specifically define me. They can influence me to chart the course of what's important for me, what I feel, what I intrinsically want. Man, that's the most powerful foundation you can have. I'm glad I had that with number one, because if I had that with number three, I'd probably, almost certainly be divorced. I wouldn't be here right now doing this podcast. And after two kids earlier, not seeing that gift after the first one on how really how turbulent your life can become, there would have been some big breakdowns. I would have just been turning a blind eye and sweeping things under the rug. Next you know, you're in your mid-40s, half your life's gone. You just fucking hate everything and everyone, including yourself. I want you to just have a think about reflecting. Think about your own life and just reflect on what did your first child bring into your world? Not what they did to you, what they helped show you, what they helped you see for yourself, what they showed you of, where. Not the chinks in the arm and not the holes, not the bad things, but show you of, A, where your life is, and B, what's possible in your life. Because that's what Stella did for me, which takes me to baby number two, Lillian. Man, she's such a powerhouse. Far out. We've got a Leo. I don't know how much you guys believe in star signs, but anyway, in terms of behaviors, we've got our Leo as number one, and we've got a Ram for the number two, an Aries. And when they're on fire, oh, man, there's no stopping them. A very, very crazy relationship. Those two girls, it's. It's fascinating. And my son, Roman, he's a Virgo, so a judgmental perfectionist is going to be. It's going to be a hilarious household, I'll tell you that much. And between my wife and I, we've got four different personalities, with her being a Gemini and me being on a Leo Virgo cusp. Here we are. We've got. We've got quite a crazy household. Regardless of how. How much truth there is in there. We've all got our own personalities. But it's just quite funny when I'm taking this into my next point of Lillian is just an abso. Go getter that just does not stop. She just doesn't. And even as what we call the middle child now, she doesn't stop. She's insane. It's. It's brutal, man. Like, I feel sorry for the boys that she's going to bring home. I'll be consoling them. I'll be putting them under my wing and saying, it's all right, mate. I'll look after you. The gift that I got from Lillian because I thought I was doing a lot before I had children. And we all know that, right? We think we're doing a lot, but then we look back, like, far out. How much time did I have? I had so much time, and I wasted so much of it when I was younger. But it's all relative as well. With Lillian, the Gift from her was the gift and power of focus. Having my second child, and it's not about equal numbers outnumbering our children, our children who now outnumber us. But having our second child brought in the value of time. And the value of focus, which really is the value of focus is looking and harnessing your effort with the time you have coupling them together. And your effort is your energy. So when we're looking at focus, yes, you'll make, you'll get more energy. You can make more energy. You'll go to sleep, you'll wake up, you'll have energy or rejuvenate. But that energy coupled with that time, October 10, October 20, October 30, November 1, like that energy coupled with that time will never come back again. Stunt, it's gone. So while you rejuvenate your energy, you've only got one shot of that energy at one time. At the time of recording this right here and now. This will. This too shall pass. It's going to go and then we'll move on to the next day. So when I looked at that, I was like, wow. We brought Lillian home and I didn't realize how big Stella was. I was like, man, my little girl's growing up. She's already. She's already a little girl. Don't worry about a toddler. She looks like a little girl now compared to Lillian. And the same happened again because Lillian's been bald for ages, so she doesn't have much hair. When we brought Roman home and she went up to him, bubby, bubby, and started like patting his head, I just looked at Lillian and looked at Roman, I was like, holy shit, man. I said to Crin, lillian's a monster. Where did my baby go? She's a full blown toddler. She's only 18 months. Because we had them quite close. Roman was a surprise mate. I was done with too. Sorry about that. That was a nightmare. But here we are. Not unwanted, just a gift, I guess, you know, with a little man that he came naturally. And I don't know how as well because I'm still a virgin. So I've been questioning my wife. But look, looking at Lillian, what I started to recognize was where my life was going when she came into this world. I was like, ooh. And look, it doesn't happen overnight. I got rid of my gym at the start of this year and went all in on RDM. We've had RDM since 2018. I've done DAD programs for nearly 15 years now. Various local parks PT studios in my own gyms. All different dad challenges and all that sort of shit. But RDM is like, man, that's it. This is. This is the solution. This is the way forward, the way we've transitioned online, the standards we've set, the way we operate, everything, it blows anything I've ever done out of the water. So when I started that in 2018, which was when we had Stella and I don't think Karim was. Yes, she was. She just fallen pregnant with Lillian. When she came into this world, I knew straight away, I was like, I can't do this anymore. I can't do the gym. I've outgrown it. And look, it's nothing. It's no disrespect against people who own gyms or want to own a gym for the rest of their life. Growth is not, hey, I've grown more than you. Having more money, having less money, having a bigger home. So nothing to do with anyone else, it's you. But for me, on my level and the drive and ultimately the ambitions that I have in exhausting this life to get the most out of it in all areas, family, self and service. The gym was no longer serving me and I was traveling an hour every day for work. And look, lots of people travel more. That's fine. It's choices, each of their own. So when RDM kicked, kicked off and started to really grow and evolve and then explode, what Lillian taught me was the gift of focus. Because you can only ever focus on one thing at a time. Like right now, my world, even though I'm talking about my children, they don't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing exists in this world. I'm literally sitting in RDM HQ talking to myself, looking into a camera lens and experiencing the present moment. There's no such thing as priorities. How can that exist? A priority, the definition of priority is most important. There can be lots of important things in your life, mate, but there can only ever be one most important thing at a time. That's focus. The power of focus is such an amazing thing. Like, it's just. It's still. Not that I'm trying to wrap my head around it, but I'm trying to bundle how valuable it is in so many different ways to communicate that you can't fuck around in life, man. You have. You have fuck all life here. Like, it is a flash in the pan. It really is. Chatting to my father yesterday, he's 65, he's 30 years old than me, and it's like. And I said to him, I Said, Pa, I was raised by you obviously strict Italian, because dad's Italian and I mean, he's, you know, strict and Alarican. He's read about 500 dad joke books and that is a crack up. But you know, I said, I've always been raised with the respect your elders type things. But I said, the older I get, the more I see things of people 10, 15, 20, 30 years, even people older than you that are just fucking baffling. Like, I see the actions of children. I'm like, what's going on here? You know, it just doesn't make sense. And then what I've realized, this is what I was saying to my dad, I said, what I've realized is even at 80 years old, that's nothing, man. That's not much time at all. Like, that is nothing. It is not the years in your life, it's the life in your years and what you do. I've done more in 35 years than some 90 year olds have. That's not a better or worse. And that's not saying you should respect or not respect others or elders or youngers. What I'm saying is the value of focus and the energy you put out ultimately becomes your life in such a quick period of time, such a quick period of time. Like it's, it's, it feels like, it feels like years since I've actually owned a gym and run fitness classes, so to speak. And what's it been, seven months? It's been nothing. Yeah, seven, eight months. It's absolutely, that's been, you know, fart in the wind in the cosmos of time. That's what our life is. You know, when you're looking over, over it all and what I learned from Lillian now having more children is the power of focus and the value it brings. Which means, guess what? I can't have rdm. I can't have all these little wild friends or all these friends that we just talk shit and small talk with. And it's not that they're bad people or good people or great people or horrible people. It's just looking and going, what's the most important thing for me in my life? Because when I focus on something, it doesn't just take my mental capacity. It takes my time. It doesn't just take my time, it takes my mental capacity. I need you to take note of this, mate. I need you to really understand and listen to what I'm saying right here and now. Ask yourself, when you're looking at your phone, when you're scrolling through when you're responding to messages, when you've got people around you that are trying to pull you down into a lower environment, or if you're going down the pub and getting on the piss all the time or doing other things, copious amounts of alcohol. It's why I don't support it. I don't care if you have alcohol, but for me personally, I do not support it. Alcohol and TV and excessive rates distract and sedate you, which takes you away from your life and the reality you can create. It's a dangerous thing, man. You lose focus. And when you lose focus, you make mistakes. And when you make mistakes, mistakes are built off perception of what you can do, but what you don't. Because there is no right and wrong. When you look at mistakes, there's regret and going, hey, that was a mistake. And guess when they come after the fact. And what's after the fact? After you've taken the actions of either drinking excessive alcohol, watching fucking TV3, four hours a night. Like, I'm lucky to watch a movie a month. And then I'll catch glimpses of some of the kids movies because we put some kids movies on for the girls sometimes, and they're quite funny to see. Bits and pieces. The latest, craziest. Kung Fu Panda. She's just mad for it. Stella and Lillian. So focus. I can't do this. And I've outgrown the gym. It's no longer serving me. This is diving in the deep end. Like, man, this is like. There'll be some great stories as I get older. Maybe not necessarily as a business coach, but just looking on. Hey, I had fucking nothing. I had no money. The gym was dying. I went all in on rdm. I went all in on rdm. I said, you know what? I had Hayden, who was my right hand at the time. I said, mate, I need you to manage the gym, look after everything, do the class, do all this and that. I just didn't go. I didn't go to my business anymore. And I said to myself, I made a decision. I am willing to shut that gym down. I am willing for that gym to die. And those who might be members or old members listening to this, love you all, but that's the truth of reality. You'll always focus on yourself and do what's right for you, whether you love me or not, or what we're doing, RDM or Roll Commando. If you move home, if you move somewhere, you will take the decisions and the steps to do what you need to for your life. And this is what I did. And even if I had the gym, when. When the whole pandemic hit, when Covid hit, I would have shut it down. I would have shut it down, sold all the gear, and got rid of it. I did not care. I became ruthless and laser focused on going, you know what? RDM is my fucking life. This is the change the world needs. And this is for fathers. When dads win, everyone wins, and this needs to be the gold standard. I can't do that when I've got too many baskets. People talk about not putting all your eggs in one basket. That's bullshit. You've got all the different baskets and you're trying to carry them all. No, no, no. You put all of your eggs into one basket. And you fucking watch that basket closely. You invest in that basket. You build framework around that basket. You hold it, you carry it, you nurture it. You look after it. You invest in that. And that's what I did. Huge gamble. Like, I. And this episode isn't about talking about the specifics or the monetary challenges, but, you know, when. When the time is right. Not that it's. This is not the right time. This is an episode to help inspire you. But when this time is right, I'll come out with some amazing stories, and people will be like, holy fuck. Al really did that, man. No. How did he think, what if it failed? What if this happened? What if that happened? There is no plan B. Failure isn't an option. When you start dialing in and looking after a plan B, guess what? You're taking your focus off plan A, which means your plan A is no longer plan A, which means your plan A doesn't get the nurturing it needs. I've got amazing fruit and veggies growing in the backyard right now. And these fruit and veggies, if I don't nurture them or look after them or water them, they're not going to flourish. No way. If I plant all these veggies in the backyard and they go, okay, I'm going to work on the front yard and do some landscaping. You know, just. Just in case, I'm going to plant some more veggies in the front yard. It doesn't get as good sun. But just in case the ones in the back don't like the soil. It's like, mate. Just. Just focus on that. It's. It's. It's chaotic, it's erratic. Your focus is split, which means you're never putting all your love and energy into the one thing that matters most. In your life. Can I coach mums? Absolutely. Real mum movement, I would fucking knock that out of the park. I can connect with women and mothers very well. Can I do different movements with children, youth development programs? Man, absolutely. I can connect with anyone and everyone. But for me, it's like, what's going to connect to me as a man, as a father? What brings me the most significance and what I care about the most is rdm. And that's what Lillian taught me. Because I'm like, man, I've got two kids now. I can't be driving and doing this all the time when I've got options. If some of you guys travel to Sydney for work and you live on the coast, man, I understand, so be it. You do what you need to do. But understand that's a choice. You don't have to. There's always a choice. You can sell your home, you can rent somewhere else, you can change your job, change your career. It's not out of a fear. It's out of a subliminal decision making process from which you're not even afraid. It's just an acceptance of a standard of your life which you've now chosen. Please understand that, mate, I'm not judging you for it. It's the truth. There's always a choice. So for me to transition from having physical space and gyms all the time to an online space, People were contacting me and like, they thought I was mad. You doing rdm. Even some of my family members, when I sold the gym, is al okay? Like, what's he gonna do now? What's he doing? They thought RDM was a hobby. I was like, you're fucking kidding, aren't you? I've had the greatest results that in nearly 20 years in the industry, the greatest results I've ever had have been with rdm. And it's completely online. Yes, I go up and down the east coast, I travel and see the dads every now and then. We've got a massive event, Mount Kosciuszko, we're climbing at the back end of November. If there's restrictions with borders and all that sort of stuff, so be we'll move it to January. But this is happening from which next year. We're building multiple events for fathers, which is going to be amazing. Very excited. I'll release and make some announcements on that soon. It's going to be epic. And this has all been built off the back of backing myself and focusing on just the one thing. And that's what Lillian taught me. Hey, man. Like you've got two kids now, you've got all these moving parts of your life. What's the most important? Does that mean that I've, you know, I guess dissolved friendships. I haven't lost them, I haven't cut them, they've just slowly dissolved over time? Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't matter though. Like my life and my family and what's most important to me is so important to me. Every time I respond to a message or someone contacts me or there was a period when I had both running RDM and the gym, I was getting over 200 messages a day. I know people talk about emails and hundreds of this and hundreds of that. It's like, man, you're talking about 200 messages. Where there's communication, feedback, interaction, energy, mental capacity, problem solving, there are a lot of moving parts. It's not just the robotic programming of hey, here's an email, here's the answer. There's a lot of energy in a lot of emotion. Focusing on just one thing at a time, that's all you need to do. Focus on one thing, Stella. Look internally, look at how powerful you are and who you can become off the back of your own self belief, your own standards. Cut away the limiting beliefs, cut away the little owl, the voice inside, the bullshit stories and that version, what you tolerate and build and raise that standard of who you can become, hard to do alone. It's why the environment's very important. It's why IDM flourishes. Next one, Focus. Only one thing. It's out of a movie actually. City Slickers. Curly says it and he says, you know what the secret of life is to Billy Crystal? He's like what? He sticks his finger up and like his index finger and Billy Crystal says, your finger. He's a smart ass. And Curly says one thing. You focus on one thing and do one thing in life and nothing else means shit. Paraphrasing, but that was basically what he said. You focus on one thing in life and everything else don't mean shit. And he talks about that city folk, as opposed to the country folk is like you spend your entire life tying your rope all up in knots, tying your rope in knots and you'll have a two week vacation or a two week holiday and you think just having a short quick break or a detox or some sort of, you know, spa retreat or some Bali holiday where you're going to go and do fucking yoga for a couple of weeks is going to untie all of them. No, mate, doesn't work that way. Building Your inner framework and focusing on the most important thing for you and having that belief to back yourself. So many people wanted me to fail in and outside of the gym, around gyms, in the CrossFit culture, there are many people who like me, There are many who don't. More like me than don't. So that's probably a good sign. But when it's all said and done, none of that matters. A lot of people thought RDM was a hobby, including some of my family members. A lot of people thought RDM was going to fail. It was like, how? Show me. No fucking way. Not if I'm steering the ship. There is no way this can fail. Like, I've got shirts on the back of this shirt. This shirt here says dad Strong. On the back it says 2020 to 2030, the decade of Dads. We're just warming up, mate. People have no idea where we're going with this. A lot do. Those who are part of it and experience it, do they understand? And it all came down to just focusing 1% every day on the thing that matters most. Focus and being consistent. And that's what Lillian taught me. Because time is so valuable and so is our energy. And that was my third one. As we begin to wrap up this episode, I hope you're getting some good takeaways from this, mate. And really just exploring yourself. Like, some of my videos are great. They're motivational, some of the ones. And this might be a form of motivation for you, inspiration, who knows? But some of them with dads, which is awesome. My last episode with Chris Head. This is a guy who had a heart attack and then turned his life around completely. He's nearly 54 in RDM, just an absolute weapon. Such a good outlook on life too, you know, and constantly striving to be better. And it's awesome, you know? And I want you to know that, like these reflections you're having, some of the things when you look and explore what your children have taught you, what they've shown you, what they've helped you show yourself. You're already enough, mate. Like, you need to love yourself. You need to back and value yourself. You are already enough. But you need to counter that with asking the question, yeah, but, you know, I wonder what I can achieve in this life. You're already enough. But I wonder what I can do with this life and with this gift and this miracle of energy. And when you couple those two together, mate, you won't lose. You'll continue to grow into a wonderful life, regardless of the Outcomes and the challenges and circumstances you face. Which takes me to my third one. I'm under more pressure than ever. I've got more challenges than ever, more moving parts than ever, more children than ever. Roman number three, the little man and what he's taught me, with less sleep, more workload, more stress, more demands, more family, the girls being more demanding, making sure that I maintain that communication connection with my wife so I don't repeat the patterns and repeat history of what a lot of people do. With all that being said and done, my energy and my body shaping up and my energy and my clarity and focus is through the fucking roof. And that is the third lesson, the third gift that I've gotten from baby number three. And I say it all the time. And it's true. It's not that I'm, you know, a hypocrite or anything like that. Life is energy, and I say that all the time, and I understand that. But my value with nutrition and what I'm putting into that wasn't even this honed in when I was an elite athlete. So when I'm looking at this, I'm like, okay, break it down. Keep it simple. Break it all down. I've got Roman, I'm not getting any sleep. I've got the girls, I've got rdm. I've got my own body, I've got my own mental health. I've got my relationship with my wife. I've got the members of rdm. I've got marketing and advertising to show other dads what's possible in their life and providing value. I've got ways to add value and give services. I've got my RDM books that I've done, the five books, audiobooks, over 100 coaching videos, and I've got all these different things that there's so much value that I'm building, I have created. I need to put together the ecosystem, the events we're running, the apparel line that we're building with rdm, dad Strong Shirts, FYT Dad Shirts, which is obviously stands for, yeah, the Dads. It's a cool little tag that I've created. And as well as our supplements, which are absolutely exploding, we've got a greens powder coming out, our active greens, which you've seen nothing like this in the world. Like, it tastes. This greens powder tastes better than. Than some cordial drinks. Like, it's unbelievable. You know, on top of our Mojo Knight Rider, this protein we've just brought out. There are so many moving parts, parts in my life, and I like Using that phrase, moving parts. But the cogs, they're all these different cogs and wheels. And for me I was like, how am I going to do this? I know that I'm going to have limited sleep. So what have I done? I've started investigating and researching sleep therapy, sleep therapists and understanding the patterns and cycles of us and the stages of depth of sleep we go into to go, you know what? 90 minutes is the average. But if Al has 70 minute or 120 minute or 80 minute sleep cycles, I need to set my alarms to build around that. So if I end up going to sleep at 11, I need to help my wife at 1:30 or at 2:30 or 3:00 clock with a little man, or either. I set it up so I finish and wake up my sleep with my sleep from my sleep on each cycle. That way I won't be groggy, won't be lethargic. But the greatest gift wasn't just the sleep. It's looking and going, what can I control? And the greatest thing we can have is energy. And the greatest way to really promote that inside of ourselves. Two things. One, creating space. I've taken up yoga properly and this isn't G string yoga where they go on and doing all this fancy bullshit. This one, this guy's legit man. Like he's, there's, there's. They'd be lucky to be five like him in the country. And I do want to give him a shout out. He won't hear this or listen to this, but yeah, Peter Mulholland on the Central coast. That guy's a wizard, man. I think he lived in India for 25 years. Anyway, he's a weapon. Started doing yoga to help just still the mind create space and be present because I can do that for myself. But having that where you're in an environment where that helps promote it for you, amazing. And the second one is nutrition. The third gift that my children have taught me, that Roman has taught me is energy. Life is energy. Control what you can control and invest in that energy. Does that mean that I count my macros? Not really. Like I count my macros to start with, but I don't need to. I don't need to anymore because I know them. Once you count your macros for the first time, you know them. So guess what? I'm not going keto or paleo or all these fucking buzzwords. I'm going with what works for Al. So that means I have a shitload of carbs. I have a shitload of fats. I have a shitload of proteins. I have all of them. I have them at the right time. I have them frequently. When I need to fast, I do some fasting for a bit of recycle and repair for the body. I'm doing everything so in tune with my body. My clarity and energy and output leaves the old version of alpha dead. And this is a guy with more on his plate and less sleep than ever before. Pretty fascinating, isn't it? You don't have to be a saint with your nutrition, but you need to understand that no drug, I'm telling you, man, no drug in the world is more powerful than that of food and then that of mind. Your mind is your relationship to your food and your relationship to self. That's why creating space, if yoga's good for you, great. There's like every industry, there's good, there's bad, there's horrible. I feel blessed that Pete's literally around the corner from my office. Having that ability to be still, it might just. You might not need that. You might just go for walks, create some space, take the dog for a walk out in nature. The bush, the forest, trail runs, trail walks, bike riding, the beach, the ocean, going for a swim. It's warming up. Podcast music playlists, 432 Hz. Music's very good. It's calming, relaxing, goes at the natural vibration of us. Natural rhythm. Don't believe me, mate? Put it on. Go and type in a Spotify. 432Hz relaxing music. Listen to all the 10 music. Then go put some fucking rock or some pop or some, you know, or some Hollywood bullshit culture on and have a listen to that and see how you feel. Worlds apart. And look, I love Pearl Jam, I love Metallica. I used to love some different types of dance music. Red Hot Chili Peppers in excess. I love a great range of music. And I still have that. I still listen to it. When it comes to creating space, dial it right in, dial it down. Be still, be present and relax. The third gift, which is the greatest one, because you think I'd learn it with the first two, right? But now I've got the little man here and I'm done. I don't want any more kids. I'm blessed. Threes enough. Three is plenty. I know how to do it. One of our dads has seven kids. What an absolute warrior. The greatest gift was energy. Life is energy when you take that time. So let's have a look at all these three as they build. This has been building. It's why I'm becoming a phenomenal leader and coach. And I look back even 12 months ago and I've just evolved so much. Exploring yourself who is our? Who does our want to be? What are the actions that define our? It's not this is who I am, I'm going to do this. It's I'm going to do this because this is who I am. It's almost like that chicken and egg, that yin yang and making sure that I validate myself through me and my own actions and and my own belief systems. Everything else is a bonus. The good, the bad and the ugly. What people appreciate, what people don't appreciate. What they can show you, you can do what they show you not to do. Second one, focus. What's the most important thing in our life from which we can harness and A develop the inside and B express on the outside of what we want in this world for your family, for yourself and for the value you add to the world in your work, your career, your business and your life. Service. Third one, energy. Life is energy. You cannot knuckle down and dominate. Those first two points the right way against all the adversities. If you don't value the energy in world through nourishing and moving the body, exercise and nutrition and taking time out to just stop the world, slow down and create space. Since doing that, like I said, my energy is through the roof and it's off the back of eating properly, eating well, being smart, starting to build in some sleep cycles the right way for me, what works for me and really harnessing the power of that to continue to perform and produce. And when I'm doing that, I'm building my capacity and building my production, building my capacity and building my production in my life at a business level, at a service level, at a love and emotional level, at a physical level, at a mindset level, at a family level, father level, relationship level. And man, it is not easy. My life's very fucking messy and I supposedly, when I say that, because it's out of my own judgment, miss the mark or have fuck ups or have peaks and troughs. The curve of the wave comes down and then back up. I definitely haven't got this perfect. But in terms of my energy, nutrition, mate, game over. Way better than I've ever had before. It's quite fascinating. I hope this episode serves you well and you've gotten some great takeaways from it. I want you to just take that time out and just think about the hardest things that happened when you had kids, when you first had them, your kids might be 18, 20 years old, 14, 10. The hardest thing when you first had them and maybe some of the hard stages and ask why and not because of what they did, because of what they were doing showed you about yourself. I'll say that again. It's not because of what your children did or did to you, it's because of what they did in how it showed you yourself and where you currently were mentally and physically. And when you expand on that, you start to see that, hey, it's not a chink in my armor, but it's something I can improve. I'm not perfect, but I know I'll get better. I'm either growing or dying. I choose to grow and expand and be the best I can be. And I know that life's a flash in the pan. How much time do you think you've had and how much quality you think you've had? How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had? Past, present, future? Connect the dots. Get the gifts from your children through making sure you hold that mirror up to yourself and see what's truly possible in your life. Hope you enjoy this and mate. Have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend. Whenever you listen to or watch this on YouTube, don't forget we've got many different platforms with Stitcher, SoundCloud, Spotify, our own RDM, podcast as well as iTunes anchor. I think there's six different podcast platforms, YouTube, Facebook channels, Instagram, LinkedIn, wherever, anything you ever need. Alexdadmovement.com and don't forget I'm and some of you are listening to this for those watching for the month of October, Primal Power 1 I'm giving this book away for free. It's your relationship for food. Nourish the body. Why Eating more is the key. Eating more is the key. You eat a thousand calories a day and exercise five days a week. You are fucked, mate. You're becoming a bear hibernating. You've got probably a low heart rate and low temperature and what you're doing is you're completely suppressing your thyroid and smashing your metabolism and it is dangerous. More is more, not less. Don't eat less and train more. Eat more. Nourish the body. Protein, carbs, fats, have all of But I'll give you that book for free. What that does all of these books help you understand and build a connection and relationship with yourself and what that means to you. What does food mean to you? You know, like I said, I'm not a saint. I do some meal prep. I go out, we eat dinner. We have good takeaways, and then we enjoy. We enjoy our life. I love food. I enjoy food. I eat a fuckload, but I do it the right way and the right purpose, the way it's connected to me. Take care. Thanks again for tuning in. I'll see you next time on Real Dad Movement Podcasts. Thanks, guys.