75. The "General" Pete

The general. I feel like we need a drum roll or something. General. Mr. Mr. Dunlop, I always, I'm sorry, mate, I just always think of the shoes right away. I don't know why, but if I'm.

On the phone and someone can't understand me and they're saying, who said Dunlop is in the tire or shoe or tennis racket.

Do you have the more important question, do you have any shares in any of those?

I wouldn't be stressed if I was part of the Dunlop tire.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thanks for joining us today, Pete, and those of you. This, this is a, it's a great episode that we're going to run through today, guys. Those watching either on YouTube or listening on our podcast platforms, don't forget we've got iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, SoundCloud, our own real dad Movement. It's everywhere you can find us. But this is a great episode I want to do for a little while, Pete, but I think it's all about timing. I find a lot of things in life, if you become really aware of yourself, the good and the bad, like, there's been plenty of, I guess, bad things or tough things that have happened to me and to you and to all of us this year, but timing is important, I think. What a fitting time than. More fitting than now to, I guess, go through a bit of a recap because you're on one of our podcasts earlier, even where you've come from there to also how 2020 has played a role in your life and how you've handled it and whatnot. And, and, and you're also. Pete's on board now as one of our sport coaches. You know, I call you Pop, mate. I'm only joking. We're only, just, only a joke. Pete's. What are you, 51, 52?

52.

Yeah, that's right. But I think when I think of the word pop, I think of, you know, like, man, I was close with my pop. Like, it's, it's a, it's a level of respect, mate.

I've got mates. I went to school with Granddad's, mate.

All good. But that's right, you did have kids a little bit later in life, didn't you, Pete? I did.

And you travelled around a lot. What's, I guess a bit of a recap, those who might not have heard the episode, a bit of a insight into your life, mate, as well, where you've come from.

Yeah. So grew up down in Gippsland and I think I spoke about it last time, so I won't dwell on it too much, but folks died when I was reasonably young. Mum when I was 16, dad when I was about 19. So became fairly independent, quickly put myself through uni, got an engineering degree instead of going to work. Traveled around the world for about a year, mainly India, Nepal, Pakistan, drifting bitsane, exploring the world, came back, got into a relationship, started working, did the usual thing and that was all good. I think I just enjoyed myself in my twenties and then into the thirties and then the relationship broke down and then pretty much met my now wife and that relationship took off and married and two kids and during that time had a pretty 26 years, 27 years as an engineer and nearly 22 years of that was with Holden before they pulled the pin on the great lion. So that was pretty much a journey until I got to rdm. Why did I join RDM again? Well, it was mainly because I was like most of the dads I've seen come through here, drifting, not engaged in myself. Depression had been something I've dealt with several times in my past and it was catching up in me again. It was always something in the past. I was always doing things but not for long enough. So I was just very cyclic. And then there'd be big periods of time of inaction and then I'd have some action and then big periods of time of inaction again. And I knew it too with the kids, with the younger kids, I wasn't connecting to them well enough or being there for them well enough. So watching the post saw you and back then it was the 28 day challenge. So jumped on board. Did the challenge end up being RDM and haven't looked back? Mate, this year's been challenging. We'll go through that. But I think the fortitude and the resilience I've learned from being in this organization has been a huge part of where I am now.

Powerful words, mate. Fortitude and resilience. You know something I look at this year, it's been one of the greater years of my life for different reasons. RDM for different reasons. I think fortitude and resilience is the greatest thing I can look at with RDM as well, mate. You know, it's something that's really set a stronghold and gone, hey, we are a solution for fathers. We are the answer. This isn't some. We started as a 28 day challenge. This is not that. You know, our dads do 612 months. Some have been with me for years now, like yourself. And it's great to see that this can Be something where people see it as their rod and stuff. Not to save them members or not, but to draw inspiration. Go, hey, this is the beacon. This is the lighthouse that can show us what's possible. Even for me, Pete, when I do our coaching videos and that sort of stuff, guess what, mate? It reminds me. It helps me remember because I'm not a faker till you make it guy. I express the energy that I believe is the greatest for all of us, which is built off the feedback with all of you. It's not some preset feedback thing. It's not fucking neuro linguistic programming or courses. It's real life feedback and soundboarding with the dads like yourself in the group. But then that enhances me and lifts me up too, you know?

Yeah.

And look, it's true, like since you got me on board as a support coach, being able to share in a lot of the intimate stories of the other dads helps a lot. Because when you hear so many stories about how life happens to people, it puts life into perspective. And that's what you can see. Being part of this group, I call it. To me, RDM is like having a fitness, but it's also like having a men's shed at the same time built into it as I get to hear the stories from the other men. And they're so varied. But you start seeing that a lot of people go through a lot of shit.

And.

It'S how you deal with that shit or how you step forward that sets you apart. And that's what I really enjoy about the coaching aspect of this. And that's what I've really enjoyed, being part of our IDM and why I still maintain it.

Definitely, mate. There'll always be something happening to us, won't they, Peter? It's how we respond and recreate what's more important for us to overcome those adversities, you know?

It's true, mate. I mean, this year has been a big year for myself. I mean, it's not, you know, there's a lot of people in worse situations. But to me it's been a challenging year.

Holden.

In February, we got told Holden was being wound up. You know, they've been suffering. But it was a career I'd had for a long time. And I'd been part of engineering in there and I'd been running a large engineering group. And to then be told it's going to be finishing up, you had to come to terms with that. And I finished up in July, right smack bang. When the second wave of COVID hit Victoria, which then put job prospects at a really high level. But it's. It's times like this that you need to then reflect on yourself. And I think it was the other night on a Wednesday night, Jay was talking about having to do some really introverted thoughts at the moment to try and get to know himself. That's very similar story I've been through. It's understanding that the job didn't make Peter Dunlop who I was, wasn't tied up with Holden. I enjoyed what I did. It was important what I did at the time, but it's not me. And coming to that, I suppose conclusion or coming to that thought, it's made me a lot more powerful in my image. Thinking I don't have to be locked into what I do next. Next does not have to be something that others see deemed important. Next step needs to be something I feel is important to me and that fulfills me, not other people. That makes sense.

Yeah, that does, Pete. So it's a great reflection of my own lately because through all the chaos of having my third born, I've been forced to slow down. Like I've got massive. As you know, mate, we have massive ambitions in rdm. What we're doing and doesn't mean we're not going to achieve them. But you, you know what it's like, mate, you're a dad. When we have kids and they're so young, especially at birth, there's just things that need to be handled. And for me, through all the chaos, I've been forced to slow down. In that period of slowing down, exactly what you said then is that realization that no one thing outside of me defines who I am. It's me who puts my footprint like the power of Peter Dunlop's footprint was what he placed in Holden for 22 years, which created some amazing things. That's how to look at it, mate, not the other way around. Otherwise, where's the self worth or value?

That's exactly right. But it's. I could see sometimes why someone who has a very high career gets to retirement age and then suffers because I think, like to me, I'm not religious, but I do believe sometimes life throws you things to teach you a lesson. And I think at the moment that's what I've been throwing and something that I've been dwelling on in regards to getting to know myself better. And yeah, I mean, we all have to work because it's important not only for the money coming in for the family, but I think it's important for Our self worth to work. What it's taught me is that I need to make sure I understand what that self worth is and what is important to me. And that's what I've been building on, what I'm building up. And yeah, and with the lockdown it's sure it's been hard but that's where resilience kicks in and go, you, you can't control it so you got to keep riding that wave out. It will finish, it will end.

Definitely. It's an interesting juggle too, isn't it mate? When you look at that like what you're talking about is yes, economic planet, we need the money for certain expenses and living and whatnot, but also the sense of contribution. We're flooding at the moment near our house, it's horrendous here and I went to the SES to get some sandbags and oh, they're doing a great job. But you know, I said to him, well, do you guys need some help? Like you'll. We look at it. I look at the forecast and we've got a week here of just thunderstorms, lightning, rain, all the above. And I was like.

And I haven't volunteered in stuff like this for a long time, mate. And I'm definitely not against. Like, I love helping people but obviously so in tune with helping my family and the dads in rdm. All of a sudden I spoke to the head bloke because they're trying to rush through the process a little bit because it's a little bit of a process to join as a volunteer. And I said, mate, I'd to help because I can see you guys right under the pump, you're doing a good job, you're under the pump and you're.

Going to need some help.

And all of a sudden this was obviously no money and I've got that sense of contribution and worth in what I can put out in society because what I'm putting out and contributing reflects my own actions and my ability. So it's an interesting yin and yang, isn't it mate?

You know, and one thing I got into from RDM was doing nippers coaching at the Watts opening. And it's great, mate. And it's. I've never done that, I've never coached, I've never met a lifeguard. But you know, it takes the kids and the reward you get from giving back to the community is fantastic.

And six, five, six, six, powerhouse. The kids will be listening to what you say, mate.

Six year olds and seven year olds might give me five. Give me 20.

Let come up to your shin, mate. High five. And they're jumping all day trying to reach.

That's it. But it's a whole lot of things that you learn in rdm and I've learned anyway. And it's part of that, as you said, is giving back, is giving that energy back to others, be it volunteering or be it helping.

Just talk to someone, which is big, mate. You're an engineer piece. You don't like talking to anyone.

That's exactly right, mate.

You make mates with machines and parts.

That's the old joke. What does the engineer use for contraceptive? Sorry, personality.

Oh, mate, let's go.

Look, it's true, man. Well, I'm a little bit different to a lot of engineers. I actually like talking to people, but it is different. I think that's. But doing this and doing the odd, the once a month Wednesday roundtable, I think it teaches the things that go back into the workforce too, like how to talk to people, how to really listen to people. Because that's a skill that I've learned in my later years is how to listen and doing this and actually listening to some of the dad stories and listening to people on the round table, et cetera, that's enhanced that.

I'm an empathetic man and I listen to care. But I really love listening now, Pete, because. And it's not that I'm Mr. Fix It all, that's naturally something that's wired into us as men, but what people see roundtables, for those who don't know, that's where we do our coaching sessions with all the other dads and we're getting feedback, their wins and challenges and whatnot, which Pete helps out with, which is awesome. I love catching up with your sessions because you have a different spin, just like I do, just like Drew does the other guys, which is awesome. But I love listening, Pete, because when I do it, not in the case of everything has to be fixed, but in the case of processing, there are a million things. Like when someone even like yourself, when you're sharing information with me, you know, feelings, information, what you're doing, what you gone through, it's like a big blueprint, a big grid that comes up like in a different sort of space, I guess in my head where I'm literally grabbing bits of comprehension, understanding. I'm patterning that with a profile that I've built out as like, have you seen that Netflix thing, the social dilemma?

Well, actually, we just got Netflix on and I'm going to watch it. So, yeah, it's.

I started watching it with. With my wife and they talk about building an entire profile of someone. Like, it's.

It's pretty.

It's pretty scary in a different way, I guess, but it doesn't surprise me. A lot of the stuff I already was pretty aware of, but that's what I do and it's what we can do. Amazing processes and we've got a heart attached to that. And when I'm listening to someone, it's almost like what a profile of their entire history, which means what they're telling me with the level of comprehension dials straight into exactly where they're at, what I'm feeling and hearing, what they need, what I believe will help them the most. And then it's almost this beautiful thing that you'll never actually see. All you see is you talking and me listening, from which there's connection to them both move forward together. Is that something that would be a fair statement, especially since you've come on board as a coach?

Extremely fair, mate. And it's doing the Thursday pillar of powers. Often I get inspiration from Roundtable on a Wednesday night just by listening because it connects into something to me going, yeah, actually, that makes sense to me so that it feeds into being able to put something down. But yeah, no, it's true. Just listening to people's stories and offering suggestions, but letting them try and also find their own way forward is also a powerful thing, too. Because one thing I've noticed since helping me with the coaching is that I'm learning from yourself and Drew and those others. I mean, you can provide as much information as you can, but when people are ready to learn or ready to take that on and start learning themselves, that's where the real power starts happening and starts letting the magic happen. And the changes in people, massively.

Massively, mate. And I've had very rarely, but I have had the odd case where someone will do that. They'll take the information on board, they'll start applying themselves, and then they either very rare. Like, it'd be less than I can count on, less than one hand. But these guys would say, yeah, I'm sweet, I'm set, Al. I'm all good. I'm like, oh, you don't understand, mate. Like, you think the value and the money is the information or the setup of coaching?

No, no, no, no.

It's the consistency and following through. We've had a couple of people do that. I'm like, mate, I know I'm not Saying, I know you're going to be down and out in three months or six months, but I know where that path leads because I've walked it myself. When I've gone on my own and isolated myself and thought, she'll be right, I can do it now because I've got the tools. Because if that was the case, Pete, we'd all be cyborgs anyway, because there's trillions of bits of information on the Internet. We'd already have the solution and all the answers and we wouldn't even need to speak to anyone.

That's what you said to Dave in the coach's message, that you can work things out yourself, but you don't want to be there too long.

Right?

And it's the old, a problem shared is a problem halved. And it's true. Look, I honestly, I was at a stage earlier this year where I probably could have thought, yeah, I could go alone. I'm fit, I'm healthy, I'm eating. But thank God I didn't. And I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't going to act on it, but I sort of had the power within myself because this year has been so challenging. Without rdn, I think I'd be in a much deeper hole and not where I am now. Like, as you know, I've just broken my foot, right. And it's. It's been. It's the first break I've ever had in my life. So it's been an incredible year, 2020. But I find myself okay. I find I've got a resilience in myself, and I find just having that energy from the group, I'm okay. I know I can keep going forward. I know that the boom boot will come off in about a month's time, hopefully five weeks, six weeks. I know a job will come along and I know things will change around. It's. It's just. I know these things will occur. But if I wasn't in RDM and I was doing this by myself and I didn't have people to talk to and I didn't have some of the guys that have reached out just to talk to me, which is humbling sometimes, I'd be. Yeah, I'd say I'd be. I'd be struggling, I think.

Well, there's times, Pete, there's been many, many times when you've just been kicking ass and dominating and it's appeared that you haven't needed anything from rdm. But I don't know, maybe just knowing that we're there or from what you got the week before that great run happened, or the month before that great run happened, you implemented, implemented and maintained what you got from RDM and that was enough. Who knows? But it's a really interesting thing. It's like, do I always need to keep getting something out? Well, maybe, maybe not. Sometimes it's just holding a consistency, like with myself, with my training. My training is going really, really well at the moment. Haven't noticed too much change. Putting on a little bit of muscle up top, but in terms of leaning out and whatnot, I know I'm not getting sleep and there's stress and cortisol and different factors, but I'm looking at this and like all of us, I'm like, fuck. There should be results, man. I've been doing this for a month and a half now. And then this morning at the gym, I got a session. I was just doing legs and. And while they're getting the blood flow, everything's pumping. I'm starting to see my body because I don't look in the mirror, mate. You know, like at a gym, the mirrors are everywhere. But I'm traditionally don't do that because they're not in what I did for eight years in CrossFit. Now I'm looking at myself like, shit, man. I'm actually shaping up a lot. And it's like, it's really interesting because I've just been doing the same thing. Pete just done the same thing for six weeks. And it's almost like the old bamboo tree story. They've got to water it for four years and in the fifth year, it finally grows out of the ground. You know, it comes.

And that's one thing you learn. It's not instantaneous. It comes, but it's also. I think one of Dad's off here. I've heard a bit that you're going to have times where you're up and you're slightly down. You're up, you're slightly down, but it's that constant watering on the bamboo that lets you get through the droughts and gets you through the different spots. And you do, like right now, you've been focusing heavily on your nutrition, et cetera, and getting back into the workouts and. And it's gonna start making a change after a month. Just has to, man.

Yeah, definitely. And I guess that's one thing. There's two things I'd love to get your wisdom and feedback on, Pete, because it's something that you inspire me a lot, mate. I've loved Working with you since day.it's interesting. When we had a chat the other day, wasn't it when I spoke about. Not that I ever had a sales script, when I spoke to the dads, I used to just ask them because I was curious on where their headspace was. And I'd be like, well, what's, what's this for you? Out of between a 1 and 10, how important is this for you? And what did you say? I think you said six or seven or something.

Or six. Yeah, six.

And there'd been dads before that. And where for me being. I still have that soft side to me being a little bit softer back then, instead of bringing the mirror up with the man, few phone calls before with the dads, I just go, okay, well maybe we could work that up to a 10 one day. And they didn't sign up, they didn't come on board, they didn't do anything because they weren't there. Whereas I challenge you.

And you said, why six? Why wouldn't it be 11 or a 12 or 10? And yeah, to me it made me think about it. And I think that was half the key. Just thinking about it, I thought, well, this is probably worth continuing on with, so. Because why couldn't it be a 10 or more?

Funny thing I find, mate, with that. And just that short ended story was people don't think about themselves and how important they are to themselves. Isn't that a funny like that should be a quote, mate. That should be a famous quote. People don't even think about how important they are to themselves.

That's true. You know, it's true. I think one of your recent talks and so on, your commercials, just talking about how it was on Sunday night or Sunday session. I think you talk about dads being the book you're writing about the dads, that you're not going to be number one in the family. Right?

Oh, yes, the Raising Girls with Stephen Bitoff. Yeah, Be prepared, he said. I don't know whether to shout it or whisper it. Be prepared to not be the most important person for the next 20 years.

Yeah, well, I agree with you, but I think the thing is, like, I would die for my kids, but I agree with you. You need to be your best self to be an inspiration for your kids. So we'll show them the way. Show them what being health is about. Secondly, just from what I needed, which RDM gave me, was just a level of dealing with my frustration. So I don't take it out with the kids. So I can Have a relationship with the kids. And knowing myself better helps me know the kids better too, I find. And relationship with my wife. Because if I don't know, if I don't know myself, I don't know how to tell them how to be with me. So they don't.

Yeah, mate. And you know, like. And Stephen's great.

Like, he's.

He's got some good books that I'm enjoying the read. It's all very good. But I guess for me the frustration with reading that portion was the context was then backed up with. So for those of you, or for a lot of you who are really into yourself or get over yourself, you know, it's overrated anyway, you know, because you've got other people. So in a polite way, he was obvious. I know what he was saying. He's saying, drop the ego. And you know what? You got more to live for because you got family now. It's not just about you. I understand and get that. But with the wrong frameworks or the wrong mindset. You know, dad reading that on his own, he's like, this guy's right. He's got a book. He has to be right. I've got to give everything to my children. I'm like you, Pete. If I'm standing on a cliff and someone was there saying, hey, Al, it's either you or your children who are going to fall down or you're holding onto a rub or something. I'm like, the value and significance I hold in being a provider and protecting my family, even though consciously probably wouldn't be around to realize it because I'd be dead, would absolutely be like, see you later. I'm gone. I want my family to live. The chance of that being real is not the context of what we're talking about here. We're talking about day to day life and being 100% first. So you can give 100%.

I think if you framed it that you've got to be willing that it's not going to be able to get nightclubs every night. That you're possibly gonna have to be around the house to help out.

Yeah.

And be there for the kids. That doesn't mean that you can't be there for yourself. That's one thing I've talked to some of the new dads about too, about. Oh, I can't find time. And I used to think about that too before. Part of that answer to you is, how much committed would I be? 6. It's probably because I thought I didn't have time to do it. But one thing I've learned is that you invest the time, you make more time, right? So definitely it's. It's true. You invest the time in yourself. You get the energy, you got more time to do things. You're not plunking down after work, exhausted, in front of the TV because you can't do anything. You got energy to do stuff. So. So I think he probably means that, but that's not how, as you said, it comes across.

Yeah, well, I mean, it's for me, if I was going to say to you right now, Pete, you just say, kids are my thing. Like what you said with the nightclub will be. Be prepared to have a mirror put up in front of your face, Pete, where you can only look away or close your eyes for so long. Where you're now going to have the opportunity. Not a burden, not a stress or responsibilities are given, but have the opportunity to reorganize your life in a way where you'll find what's more important for you and your family. Night clubbing, obviously not one of them. Excessive alcohol, probably not. I mean, I don't drink anymore. Each their own. But things that lower your energetic ability, your energetic appearance and mindset to be more for yourself so you can be more for your children, which is going to come to the level of fruition where you have more fulfillment and significance anyway.

Yeah, that's it. And it's the thing too, with like now, I mean, I could be there just going, oh, woe's me, can't get a job, got a broken foot. But what good does that do, right? Doesn't the kid be forward? It doesn't make the kids happy. The kids start worrying because I see dad's body rocking back and forth in the corner, though. It's to me, you just got to know, well, it's going to be okay. And I think again, you said something similar the other night. You just got to know, you got to put the work in to get there, right? So I've got to keep putting the work in to get the job. I've got to keep putting the work in to fix this foot now. And I've got to keep working to move everyone forward. It's not. Again, it's not rocket science. You just got to keep moving forward. And it's the reason why we're looking at selling the house at the moment or we've got on the market. It wasn't because it's the best time to sell it and don't have a job, but it's something we've always talked about. And if we keep stagnating, we'll be stagnating here in a year's time. So we say, well, let's just take a risk. We want to move to a slightly better area nearby that's in the country for the kids. What's stopping us keep doing it?

It's great, Pete. So many people just live out of. They don't even know they're living out of fear. It's just their choices dictate the whole cause and effect or risk versus reward in a state of, I am lesser than what I deserve, so I shouldn't explore that option. It's what I see, mate. I see so much like, if you want to be blunt with it, that's the fucking truth, mate. And they back that up with time. What you said before, like, the only reason why people never do anything is I either don't think they can do it, which means I don't believe they have their time to build the competency, to learn it, or they don't think they have the time right now.

It's, you know, and it's. It's something I've done in the past. Right. I still have to work on it. When bad things happen to me, I often retreat to myself. I just want to wrap myself up in the cocoon. You can all get bugger off. Yeah, because I'm an introvert, so I'm naturally fine energy within myself, but I know that gets me nowhere. Right. If I do that, then I'll be in that cocoon in a month's time or two months time, six months time. I know that. And a lot of what you've taught me and taught me and what I've seen too, from other dads, they've gone through experience. You've just got to keep putting that foot in front of each other and keep putting the work in. Things will change, be it physically, mentally. Guys going through marriage breakups. I'm not doing that at the moment, and it's bloody hard for those guys, but they get through it. And I've seen the guys get through it by putting the foot through. Reaching out for help, talking to some of the other dads, not isolating. And. And then time will mend or wounds if you put the work in to get to that time.

It's. It's a great. It's a great lift too, like you told me, which I didn't realize, but then you told me you've broken your foot and then instead of going in, you're the running man, Pete, you know, that's all you do, mate. I live through you because of my knee, mate. And your runs, they're awesome. So to have that taken away would be frustrating. But straight away you like, you're messaging me going, what, what's going to help with the bone growth, what can I do, blah, blah, and it's like, oh mate, beautiful. Do this, this and that. And literally that in itself, regardless of the physiology, if it's, if it saves you one week, you know, with the boot, that in itself is going to lift to a different perspective of optimism. And I think that's the big thing that we, that we focus on in rdm, isn't it Pete? Like it, perspective and driving, the right actions to follow through on that.

Well, that's it. Well, I could either dwell on that I can't run at the moment and probably can't run, as you said, for another three months or so because I'll get out of the moon bit, but I'm not going to be running up straight away. So first of all I've got to get myself healed, but then I've got to work out. Well, what can I do? Well, I can do sit ups and I can do push ups and the dog's going to look at me like it hates me because I take it for a run every morning. So she doesn't get that at the moment, but she'll get over it. And the wife's taking the walks now, but I've just got to readjust and while I get back into running. Well, time will tell but you know, I can't dwell on it. It's happened so gotta find the next thing and I've gotta keep the body moving. So we'll start working on the upper and I'll be doing one legged squats and have a really strong left leg.

But yeah, yeah. Isn't it funny though, Pete? Our people.

In a funny way that haven't earned their stripes training for 20 or 30 years, create our own level of expectation that I should be able to train my whole body. So now I've got a little injury, I'm going to do nothing and then they do nothing. I've seen that so many times. I'm like, nah man, like I blew my back out last week, it's the second time it's happened in 80 years. So very strong back, you know, and it's just, it's getting better, it's not too far away. But I did the best arm session I'd done in probably 15 years. I don't just. I don't train in arms anymore.

I just don't.

And oh, mate, it was an amazing session. I really enjoyed it. Brought back the good old garage gym days of arm curls and push ups and it was a man, I was sweating my ass off. It was such a valuable and productive lesson for me to learn that there's always a way. And then the output was. I was feeling heaps better. I didn't feel like I was wasted. I could still eat a shitload of food. Everything was bang on track, you know, today just did some light air squats and bits and pieces, nothing heavy and slowly getting there. But yeah, it's something where I see the power of the mind then come to the production of the body which you know, with yourself. Here's a guy who said he wouldn't do pull ups. Yeah, you won't if you think that way. And then what did you do, Pete? You just practice pull ups, mate, and then you fuck. How did you end up banging out when you were in the peak of training for that?

I could do probably five sets of ten. Also, as soon as I get back to the gym, I'll be learning again.

Hey, that's. Yeah, but I remember that even that in itself like that was. Remember seeing you posting your pictures, your videos and you just kept doing it, kept doing. I was like, man, this guy has gone from nothing to. I can't remember last time when you. I think he did a max set at that time it was between 12 and 17. But obviously you're into sets now. But it's just awesome to see that determination, the power of the mind, of what it can create, it is.

But it's also, you don't realize what your body can do. It's just not like I suddenly got superarms. I worked it through talking to you and then self education. Well, actually my abs have got a lot to do with as well.

Right.

So it's the body strength and so I've got to try and find that balance and especially with the leg rises. When I first tried to do those, I said, you're going to be fucking choking. Excuse me.

The whole leg raises are brutal.

But once I worked out, okay, well if I build the core up, then I'll start kicking them up. And then, yeah, I was doing leg raises eventually and I started doing really strong. It's not just that you've just become suddenly strong, it's building up that knowledge as well as strength, I suppose.

Definitely, definitely, mate. And I guess getting not to go. You know, there's some great, great insights there into the, the mind, the body and connecting, all that and the pressures of what 2020 has brought. But those two things I mentioned earlier, Pete, like one of them I'd love to touch on first is being a father as an older man. How important has energy played a role in your life when it comes to doing what you need to for yourself and for your kids?

Yeah, 150% man or 200%. It's being an older dad. You have to find that energy in yourself. It's just not naturally there. I mean, I remember 20 years ago I had a lot more energy.

Right.

Natural energy, I suppose. But you have to find that in your 50s it's not. The body's tending to want to go the other way. So the nutrition and the exercise becomes more important. And the kids, they don't understand what age is, so they just want dad to play with them, whether it's kick the ball around or go for a jog or go for a ride or whatever. And being healthy helps out so much that I am there for the kids. I'm actually probably run them out too much. I've got to back off sometimes. But it's extremely important because it connects to them. It's not only just playing a game on the floor, but being able to get out there and play with them and do things and swinging them around and be the one at the beach they run. It calls it a tighter relationship, but as an older dad it's. You just got to work on it hard. That's a choice we all made and that's great.

So, yeah, how does that help as well? Like having that energy and building? Because you've built a lot of energy, mate, and come a long way with us, but having a higher level of energy now as an older dad, like how does that help mentally as well? Like I've got a big thing. Everything you do physically affects you mentally. But yeah, how does that help between the years?

It helps a lot, man. Because, you know, the youngest is seven. I'm 52, so I know that at 65 he's just finishing university. Right. So it's not smell like I'm going to be able to retire and keep going. So it's. So what it does is that I know my body has been in better shape than has been in over 10 years that I can have the strength to go past. I do have the strength and the resilience to go another 15 years to see my kids fully grown and independent. I'll keep going past then probably I'll be an 80 year old support coach at some stage, mate, but it's.

We'll be running the ranch then, mate. We'll have the RDM ranch doing axe throwing and wood chopping and flipping tires.

And it does help. You have to start the brain. I found as I've got older before rdm, that the brain would be more. That I had to fight things like depression stuff more and more.

Right.

So that the brain starts playing tricks on you because you can see, I suppose, the light at the end of the tunnel coming, not the light at the end of the tunnel you can see. Once you especially hit that 50 mark, you sort of more than halfway in your life, right? Unless I get to live to 100, which I'm going to try to. More power to me. But mortality becomes a thing. So becoming physically getting the brain right through physical and nutrition and trying to think the right positive thoughts is a huge part of your armoury to be effective.

Some. And take it from me, guys listening or watching, if you haven't heard, having nine operations over six years and my body torn to pieces, I get it. But I forget it too.

You forget.

I've been in good optimal health for a while now. When I did my back last week, we went to the park on the weekend and it take me two to three minutes to get out of bed, about a minute to get out of the car. That's a long time for a five second exercise. Take about a minute to shift around. So when we're at the park and the girls want me to play with them, I'm just completely crippled and couldn't do anything. And it was such a debilitating thing, man. I was like, fuck. And it was such a depressing but accepting state of Stella where she's like, oh, like she was, she was sad for me, she wanted me to play and then she said, oh, it's almost like that was then just a part of her life now she went off and played on her own. I was like, imagine that for like 10, 15, 20 years of their life. It'd be horrible. And I know some dads who are listening to this. You might have issues, injuries, limitations. Some might feel lethargic, some might have the excess they need to lose. It's like the shop, mate. We've got to keep working on it, but like mechanics, we've got to keep tuning our bodies for sure.

It's also, even if you're at that state now, if you go a little bit, your kids Will notice if your state's like really low and you are injured and lethargic, just go a little bit, a little bit higher. Your kids will know. Your kids see it and I'm with you. Like the kids with my foot kept asking me, how can we help dad? Can we do this, dad? And he just kept sitting down, dad. They pick up on these things quickly and develop. I can do it, kids. It's okay. But thank you. But kids pick up on things so quickly, being up or down. Yeah, they'll pick up on you being up, even if that up is. And this goes back again to one thing I've learned with rdm and one thing no doubt should do in RDM is compare yourself to any other dad. Just compare yourself to where you are now and if you're slightly up, your kids will know.

Yeah, fair point. You know, I, I didn't realize how much I throw my kids around, mate. They should be acrobats, they should be in a circus or something, or gymnasts. I, I actually didn't realize I was just starting to pick them up again now, which is cool. But that four day period, I was like, shit, man, I, I flip them, I throw them on back, I toss them around, I throw them like on the bed. We load up the pillows. Every single day, my girls are just going vertical, horizontal, spiraling, spinning. And they love it. They laugh like. I've got a pretty good awareness to pick up on their facial features. Not to go too far, but I was like, man, this is just a normal, this is standard. I go and pick them up from school and they're like, throw me up, daddy. And you throw me up higher than anyone else's daddy. And that was not a, you know, I didn't say that they did, which was funny, but I'm getting out underneath the pagoda, I'm throwing them up sky high and all the other kids are looking up. And I was like, man, I didn't realize how much having that. And it's not all of it, not the be all and end all, but at a primal level with young children, it's how they relate to a degree with energy.

You do. I give my kids and give them the, you know, the world the twirl around and get them. Their legs are off the ground. Yeah, yeah, I love it, man. And it is part of that, right? So kids, physical and mental is important to connect to. And if you go back to your question, being in the older dad, you need to get both right to be there for them. And I'll Keep working on this. And when I'm 80, they can look after me.

That's right. Yeah. We invested them. They can look after us. Yeah. I see it as a way to really build their trust, in a funny way, too, with the kids. They can rely on me. And Daddy's not perfect. I'll let them know that. And dad, you know, it's. I'm very transparent with them, but, you know, just knowing that they've got someone who's like, we'll watch a movie. And I'll say to Stella, I don't want to watch this. I'm scared. Just being silly. And she looks at me, she laughs like, you're not scared of anything. I was like, who told you that? I get this. This warped belief, but part of that, I think, is a nice level of trust where you feel like you are.

The rock without feeling the pressure that you have to be because of how you can just present yourself physically in the energy that you show.

And I can. One thing that's really. That I think caps everything over is I don't pick fights with them. I used to pick a fight and. And I don't pick a fight. I remember before RDM and then after rdm, after. Been doing RDM for about four or five months. I just noticed my son was talking to him, and it was for the very snake. I wasn't snapping any because I was pissed off. I could be pissed off, but I knew how to handle it and talk to them in that communication level. And their trust, that's worth a million bucks too.

Massively. And that's. I guess that takes me to the second point, too, Pete, because we heavily influence their environment. Right. We do have a high level of power and not authority, but we're bigger than them. We're adults and they're kids, so we influence their environment a lot, whether we're there or not. But what's the biggest now, in a bit of a reflective state, like you said, you've had. You've had to reflect and look back by being a little bit slower this year because of what's happened. What importance do you think it plays in the role of a man or.

A father's life when it comes to environment from someone who's been around the world. Nepal, India, all those places, literally physical environment, as well as right now with some of the lockdowns and the unfortunate shit that you have to go through in Victoria. Like, what are some takeaways or reflections you've had around environment as well?

Yeah, I find. Well, yeah, I'VE been to America, I've been to Europe. I think it's to me, the kids need to know. Well, you can't share everything with the kids to start off with. The kids need to know that. Need to feel safe, right? You can't hide everything from the kids. And we don't look at the COVID It's all over the news. So you've got to have a conversation with them, right? But you don't want to put it in their face. What I don't do to the kids is I don't say, oh, dad's out of work, dad's got no money. It's not. You don't need them to be worrying. But what I do, what the environment I do have for the kids is to have a healthy respect for money and to not want all the time and money needs to be earned to get. So not always can we get something. I think I'm answering your question, but I think with environment, it's extremely important to provide a safe environment for the kids, but also don't hide everything for the kids, but don't share all your problems with the kids. I'm sure your wife. I've got a great relationship with my wife and we talk and we have.

This.

Relationship where we can talk. So that's where I share my issues. But in front of the kids, we answer their questions and we share what we need to. But they need to feel safe. They need to feel that things are okay, and they need to feel that there's things are moving on in the household and things are okay. Things are going to be okay. I think as part of me being a father, I just need to make sure that they feel that we make around the house reflects it.

Fair points mate. And then to create that environment as well, to have that temperament and nature around them. What do you look for for Pete's environment? Like, what's important for you? When we're talking about, you know, your physical environment, which part of that is. Is, you know, what you. What you're tied into with technology. You know, RDM is part of your environment, even though you're in a different.

State to me, but, you know, that's important. Sunshine's important to me very much. I've been outside. I mean, to me, the physical environment's important thing to me. Just been at a. Smell the sea breeze and reflect on the earth is extremely important. Having a household that's not tense is important to me. I've never liked, I suppose, tension. I like to make sure things are Spoken about. And if the kids are fighting each other like brothers and sisters do, that they talk through and they work it out. Right. It's to me that's an environment is I need to be able to work those things out. But I just don't like a household that's full of too much tension if you don't need it to be. I'm a big believer part of my environment is communication. Sometimes I do get sucked up when things have been a bit more time in my hand on the old phone and my daughter called me out the other day and said, get off your phone, dad. It was true. Right. That's part of the environment too. I think you need to set a good example of social media. But to me, it's my environment. It's good friends don't need a lot of them. As you get older, you realize that true friends that you get, your friendship group gets smaller, but it's usually a much longer and tighter group. Good support which I get through RDM and just a loving environment which I get from the family. I suppose that's what makes me tick.

Yeah, great points, mate. I was chatting to Dave Weir, one of our other members in rdm and we're talking about this notion of ecosystem. And it's like the man's ecosystem is one that must be taken with two hands and with a full level of awareness of what makes it up. And you've explained that perfectly, mate. Like what you shared just then on the different, you know, different facets of our life and the different feels too different roles. Like, I mean, yeah, you loved and supported an rdm, mate. You're a legend. But it's a different type of love with your family and with your close friends over time and even with yourself, with your work or the different types of work that you engage with and the physical environment. People have their. Have their head to the ground a lot of the times, mate, and they don't have. Or they don't believe they have the chance or they don't make the chance to just look up and I guess take all that into just to realign. Like what. What would you do to realign that? Like, if you're going to give some guys advice, I feel like they're just spiraling or they're in the spinning wheel.

Or is it.

Is it creating space, taking time out, having a look, being grateful?

Like what.

What are some things you think might help?

I think did a great podcast if you. A few weeks ago about taking time out. It's so true. It's one thing I've had to do myself lately, if you're in that spiral, if you're thinking that things are out of control, is stop, take a breath, don't worry about, don't panic. Like if you madly trying to scramble to fix it up to stop. I had that in the workplace too. Like the previous job I had, I had some pretty high pressure workgroup that'd be working on some pretty advanced, cutting edge stuff to the studio for the US and you'd have the scrutiny of the vice presidents and go and go, but something bad would happen. It always happened, right? It's just the nature of designing something. And it's one thing I learned there, and it's one thing I learned in my life, is you just got to stop, take a breath, think about it, give yourself whatever hours or day you need and then reevaluate. And always you'll see a different possible solution, See something else that you might have missed, that you panic, that, oh, no, I'm not going to get through this, it's disastrous. I guarantee you're always fine. Just give yourself that time to just think or talk through it with someone. You'll find that different solution that might have been there but you weren't looking at it.

Wise words. Until we experience the end of the world, what you're going through is not the end of the world.

Hey, Pete and I used to like be there. Like what I did at work I'd done for a long time. So used to get the young engineers coming in and panic going, oh, this has happened. And it's just like I've said, it happened about 10 times. It's okay, stop. It's not the end of the world. What did you learn from the mistake? Yeah, all right, let's keep going. Okay. And it's true in life too, mate. I've made mistakes and I make mistakes in life as you have. And what you got to do is not beat yourself up and say, well, it's the end of the world. It's not. You just got to reevaluate what your next options are. You need to take that time to reevaluate and find out what that is. Because if you don't, you'll never truly get to that happy point. And I think sometimes what's happened to me is a blessing in disguise. I did work in a great job, but I wasn't necessarily fulfilled in the job I was doing. I think a lot of times I kept doing the job because it felt important, but plus it was safe. It was there. But in the back of my mind, for about a year before this redundancy occurred, I'd been dwelling on the fact is I think I need to do something different. But I never knew what that was. So I sort of look at it as a possible blessing that's happened to me this year is that it's given me the time to reevaluate myself of what that next step is. I've had a job offer, but it wasn't. It was a field that would have taken me down. It was very similar sort of path. And so I didn't take it.

I don't need.

I can afford to do that at the moment. So I've tried to put my energy into some other things I want to do and higher risk. But I thought, I don't want to wake up again in five years. Just doing what I was doing five years ago when I wasn't really that happy anyway, if that makes sense. So use your time. If you're really in a panic, if things are coming in, if things look like they're all striving against you, just. My advice is just use the time to stop, breathe and really think about what's important and then come out and try and attack. That just lost and shortened. Because one thing you do notice when you're over 50 is what you don't want to do is wake up in what I don't want to do wake up in 80 years time. Time thinking I had an opportunity to do something different and I didn't do it.

So, yeah, hey, great points, mate. It really will, like. It'll be like that and you will be 65 and I'll be 50 and we'll just be.

Yeah, it's.

It's so fast. It's so fast, man. Like, I can't. My son is not that far off. Two months old.

I'm like, that's gone amazingly fast.

Two months. He was born last week. What are you talking about? It's insane. He's like six. Nearly. Yeah, nearly. Close to seven weeks now.

It's like, what the F. I know. And my daughter just turned nine and, you know, Facebook throws up those yearly history things back her first birthday. I thought that just like yesterday. I remember that cake. She's like halfway to 18. It goes quick, man. As you know, three months before, you know he'll be a year old. Before you know it, we'll have number four coming.

I was originally joking saying, we're on the road to 10, but it didn't go down quite well. With, with Corinne. So we. I stopped saying that, mate. Fair enough. The road to 10.

But yeah, it's been great having you on, Pete.

Thanks El. Thanks for inviting me.

Really good. Yeah, I guess I'd love to. You've shared a lot of wisdom, mate. And I always really enjoy my catch ups with you anyway. Let alone having the opportunity just to spend, you know, 40, 50 an hour together. Maybe not. It could be the greatest thing you've gotten from RDM or not, but I guess just from yourself, mate. On a personal level, what's. What's some advice or something you just love to pass on to, to a father who's listening that might help him turn the tide in his own life with some of the battles he's going through, Something that might have helped you or, or some advice you might have for him.

Yeah, well, before RDM I struggled with depression long enough and I know the Black dog well. I think what I've learned myself, and one bit of advice is what RDM will help you with is if you, if you try and balance all three of the headspace, nutrition and the building is that you can deal with the Black Dog when it turns up. And I've had no issues with depression in the last two years and I've had times when I'm down. But why I say I have no issue with depression is it's because it's taught me the resilience is. Okay, I acknowledge that I'm down, but I know how to get back up again. And so to me, if you like that, then I know a lot of dads have had that sort of issue before. It's keep building that resilience through the exercise, through the nutrition and through the headspace. And when you're up a joint when you're down, it'll give you the tricks to get back up again. You won't be in this spiral of out of control. Just build up that resilience. And they're the three main key. It's not rocket science, as I said before, work on those three areas. You'll build a resilience that helps you when the times are down and you'll get back up quicker.

Great words, Pete. We just created a new RDM principle and foundation mate. We call it the three A's. Awareness, acknowledgement and action. You know, like it's true. It's like I said before, before we caught up just getting the grid of take listening. I love listening. It really helps me get creative and I guess to wrap that up to make sense of what I said just then, because I just made that up on the spot, was for you guys just to reinforce Pete's point, you know, like it's the first, the first letter, right? The first word, Real. What we are here is real. It's not sugar coating shit. You don't see me driving around in Lamborghinis with bloody, you know, girls in bikinis with their tits out and going, hey, you can do this as well. Look at me. This is, this is real life, man. Like what we're all going through, what we all go through and having that awareness to slow down, like you said, Pete, and just, just be present with yourself and then acknowledging that, yeah, there are times I was depressed last Sunday for like six hours straight. I was like, what the going on here? I just did not know. And I was like, just, all right, cool, you're here for a reason. You'll go when you're ready and you'll pass and you'll move on. And I guess that how well we can learn from the failures, the mistakes, the feelings, the emotions and getting that in tune with that feedback in ourselves can help us drive the right action, mate. Which, you know, reiterating your point, mate, and reiterating it the right way for you guys out there is that you're not alone. We all go through it. We all have these, we all have these periods and these moments and feelings that doesn't have to stay, doesn't have to stay that way.

No, and it doesn't. And look, you'll find the longer in ODM just having that support. I know just the other week when I'd. When I sort of acknowledged I wasn't feeling great to the team, you know, guys reached out. Hawks rang me. Chris head rang me. It's yourself. We had a chat. It's amazing. It's just humbling when I have the, the answers for you, but just knowing someone's there to talk to really takes it away. And then suddenly you walk away from that conversation. And that's why I love the roundtables again, because even when I felt shitty, I've gone into a roundtable, I felt great afterwards. And it's not because anyone gave me the magic bullet. It's just the ability to share something or hear others. It's just, it's something about us. Let's the crappy bits go.

Real, real life in connection, mate. Something that's very rare, Pete, you know, and I think it'll be continue to become rarer, which I think will probably make us even more valued or invaluable with. With the fathers inside and realizing that, mate, I think they already do. All the dads on the inside understand they get it, but yeah, pretty rare in the modern world, mate, you know.

Great thing you're doing, huh?

So us, mate, we're a team. I love having you. I love having you on the team as well. Pete. Like Pete being just for you guys. Like Pete, being a sport coach is amazing. Like, it's. I'm humbled to be part of your journey, mate. And thank you. Thank you again.

Thank you, Al. And thanks to all the dads.

Yeah, buddy. Oath. Awesome. Hope you guys enjoyed this. And look, anything you ever need, Alex, at Real dad Movement. I was gonna say Al. Al, just Al for short. That's alexildadmovement.com just click some email. Anything you need. We've got the courses, we are giving away the nutrition one. A lot of how we feel and think does start with what you're putting in your guts. It's going to give you literally physically more energy as well as change your microbiome. 10 trillion cells, Pete. That's the amount of bacteria that we play host to which really aligns with controlling our feelings and emotions. Pretty amazing, isn't it? You want to be looking after them and playing good host, mate and putting good food in your mouth, that's for sure.

Exactly right, yeah.

Anything you guys ever need, reach out. Don't be a stranger. Hope you've enjoyed this either on YouTube or on our different podcast platform. Don't forget, we are on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, 13 different platforms, I think. But anything you ever need, hit us up, let us know. Hope you enjoyed this and got some great value out of it. Just asking quality questions of yourself from which you can start to explore the possible answers. And when you do that, do it when you're silent, do it when you're quiet. Do it when you have time to just be present and slow the world down. Thanks again, Pete. Thanks guys for joining us.

Cheers.