84. The Fires Of Hell (& The Kitchen)

I need that, you know, that, that time to go. You know what? I just need time alone. You know, I don't normally do it. I don't put time away from yourself. But it was nice. It was a good drive up. I had my thoughts and you know, now I'm in, which is good on the earth.

I appreciate you spending the time, mate. To share a video story. One of the original dads, number six.

Six unfortunately should be number one but hey, number four. Oh mate, I asked for it but I got the six so that doesn't help that way. But what happens, you know, I should.

Have booked it earlier, mate.

Should have knew you put the gym up for sale for this place. But no, it's, you know. Yeah, number six, man. It's gone. It's been a.

Gone fast, hasn't it?

It's been a journey.

Yeah, it has been been a journey. You're. You're a high performer, mate. Where a lot of our conversations you've given a lot which has led to sometimes. Yeah, yeah, man. What's led to sometimes your the downfall but then in saying that when you've yourself your performances through the roof, man.

Yeah.

Cutting a good strong figure, a good athletic background. What you've done with which we'll dive into, mate, in the, I don't want to say the chef industry in the health and food like.

Well, yeah, it was a chef, it was a hospitality.

Hospitality.

Sorry, yeah, it's not, it's not all. Yeah, the hospitality industry. What I've done and what I've achieved in you know, 20 odd years. But it's a different ball game. We'll get to that. But it's a different ball game from you know, training and playing sports for most of my life.

But do you want to give us a bit of a rundown like where you know your upbringing and take us through that all the way through to father.

Yeah, you know, upbringing, you know, your parents only know so much. You know I grew up out in the west out in the. Out in Cabramatta and as the age 11 and moved out towards Liverpool Bonnie Rig area, the age 1112 kind of had to fight for. Fought my. My existence in my family.

You know.

I had a brother who was very much a star along the way. You know it's everything he done was, you know, it sounds like it's you know, violin but you know, at the end of the day he was the chosen one. You know, pick up a bat, you'll play. You pick up a boy, you can play. And he got selected In X amount of teams had the brumbies chasing him. So the spotlight was kind of off me so I could start fighting for who I believed in at the age of 12. Know what I could achieve as a sports star. Have it, you know, have a heart of a lion and you know, but you know, the fitness of a cat. So it's just, you know, it was more that I'm willing to give 110 all the time and own what I do and, but you know, when you got to, you know, sit on the back seat and try and be noticed by your parents, you kind of got to fight for your beliefs. So you know, my only, my parents only knew the way they knew and you know, kind of, you know, I get emotional about now because it's still, it's still unfinished business between, you know, dad's now gone, but myself, because it's only myself to talk to about, you know, trying to talk to parents about. It's, it's a hard but it's a, it's an understanding of, you know, you know, the best, you know, you're out west. It's not, it's not about who's who, it's who's going to bash you tomorrow or who's, who's going to take you out or you know, how are you going to fight for your own, your own belief and your own, your own well being, you know, like environment. It's a hard, it's a hard upbringing, especially being out there. I think growing up in those two areas kind of got me to an area where I knew, I knew I had to fight. I knew I had to fight for my own existence. And I say existence fair bit because it's hard to put myself on the map. You know, I wasn't going to put myself on the map with sport even though I went as far as I possibly could for my injuries. You know, shoulders, elbows, knees, you know, it's ankles. You kind of to a point where you go, well at the age of 18, you had a massive vertebrae crack on the, on the lumbar area, L4 kind of went well, is this really going to be my life? You know, I didn't feel my legs were hit the post and I kind of went, you know, this is it, this is me done. You know, I could have been a paralyzed, paralyzed person at the age of 18 playing the sport I loved, which is, you know, and to this day I still love it, but kind of had to ask my hard, hard questions to my own self at the, at a very young Age, you know, is it football that I want or is it a full time chef in career at the age of. From 15, 16 years of age which the ability to be a chef at 15, 16 years of age was demanding because they were, they wanted you to be at work where you couldn't go do your sports a lot. So I did that. I had to hit that mark and the money on that and go, well, this is what I'm going to do. I've got to put myself aside and my ego aside and become a chef and, and grow a business and grow myself and become the best I possibly can at, as a chef at the age of 15. I knew that was going to happen there and then. But previous to that, I want to be an officer. No police officer. You kind of, kind of sit back and you start realizing and you know, I want to make people happy, you know. And it's funny how you kind of, you want to walk through your dad's footsteps, but in retrospect and old from my, my oldest brother's footsteps, you know, and he become a chef and I saw the happiness and he was creating people and, and you know, I kind of went, that's it, that's what I want to be. And oh, and a long story short, there's, there's a lot of history, you know, and between certain ages there's a lot of history in the upbringing. You know, dad didn't believe. Yeah, look, there's a big thing there. But that's how I got into where I wanted to be. But you know, I follow my big brother's footsteps and you know, him and I have had a colorful past, especially 18, 19, 20. We hardly ever talk. 21, we hardly ever talked. And then, you know, certain aspects come through and you know, and that was it. I was on my own. I knew, I knew then at the age of 18, 19, I was on my own. I made my decision to, to move out of home, to move to the Blue Mountains, to work at a restaurant up there. And I kind of went it, you know, only by those two words. Quite honestly, it's me and the time. You're going to. You may. I have to live with it. And then I went it, I'm going to do it. So I moved up, you know, and started up in John Caves and also in Parramatta. Mum dad helped me get around it and get the jobs and stuff, but moved to Joel Caves, lived up there for a year and come back to Sydney and started being a chef. I knew what I wanted to be and that Was it? That's life sentence ago gotten out. Yeah, gotten out of jail, but. But it's not jail. It's. It's hospitality jail. It's a full 25 years to life. So it was, was pretty, pretty enduring, you know, on the body.

It's a volatile environment.

It's not the word man, volatile, it's just. Oh, cutthroat. Brutal. Yeah. Everything.

Some of the stuff you've told me before off air, it's, it's full on. Yeah.

You know. You know, I think everyone's ever, always ever told me to, to write a book, you know. You know, I've been on radio, I've talked about kitchens and radio and 2GB and I've written magazine articles, I've been in the papers, I've done all that sort of stuff. But the, the, you know, and everyone ever tells you you should write a book about your life. Off. My history is not like that, you know, and come today, I think you and I can actually sit here and I can actually tell you what my book could be about because no one's ever actually sat and talked to me about what I've gone through, know. And this is not a cry for help or, or it's not a physio, A psychiatrist report, you know, it's. It's a, it's an interesting world that if I told you the stories of from 15 to 33 or 34 years of age of what happened to me in the kitchen, you'd be like, how what? Like the stories of me putting in a big massive kettle, 200 kilo kettle and that being put on and have no shoes on and bounce around there to stop, burn my feet and burn my hands. No, that's just part of, that was just part of the history back then, you know? Yeah, no, you gotta get recommended. And that's how it was happening. And chop chilies up and they put it down your pants and you got chilies up your ass and chilies on your doodle and, you know, chopping onions with a blunt knife and hiding your tools, like all this, like stuff that happens, you know, getting burns, deliberately getting me burnt or getting your tongs burned, or the people picking up that telling you chili down the back of the throat, like, just stupid. That continues on, you know, into the day. Like if it happened, if I went out honestly and I reported it, which I never will, because that was life. You kind of go, well, that was life. You know, that's what you have to do. And, and I remember saying to the guys at Cozy. That no matter how hard you push me, I have the thickest skin you possibly can have, but I'll have everyone's back. And that's how I've always had it from 15 to now almost 40. So my life is colorful, it's vibrant, it's loud. That's the way I love it. But other than that, man, that's, you know, 25 years of cooking to now be a sales representative, hospitality, and be honest and truthful with people. They buy off my honesty. Not. They don't buy off a piece of paper. They buy off what I, what I absorb.

Yeah.

So it's been really, really colorful.

And you had amazing success, mate, in that industry. And one that's, yeah, it sounds savage from stuff you've told me on and off air. But how do guys, I guess Gordon Ramsay probably comes to mind, like, how do those, those sorts of few get to the top? Is it, is it rarely genuine or is it depends on their ability or their 100.

Your ability. 100, your ability. But that's also backed up by personal PR to promote them. You know, promoting stuff like that as well. You know, I had that. I've been there, been on bus stations, I've been in papers, I've been in magazines. You know, I've been cooking for the, you know, I cook for a foundation of the Starlight foundation, the Five Chefs Dinners. And now I've ran two, had a restaurant, so I've ran one, had a restaurant, so I've had my own catering company. But for me to get all that, I had to pay extra amount of dollars to have the people behind me push my name. Yes. Sometimes you can fall into it and you're really good. Like the Jamie Olives of the world. You know, it's like you and I are doing something today on radio, on, on video, and there's a guy behind us being actually a bit more characteristic charismatic on the, on the screen. And they like you on the screen more than what they like you and I. So he gets the gig. That's how he started, you know, so he started in the background and that's, you know, he's got 50, $55 million empire now, but there is wins and falls. You know, he's lost 30 million of that, but he's regained it because he was smart about it. Same as any other business. It's just how we, how we go ahead. So my, my aim and my job now is to hit my targets of six and a half million dollars this year for my company that I work for and without goals or set and being owned. And I use the word owned because I use two words. It's, it, it's my way. So the reason why I say it a lot is because there's no one else coming to be there to help me and I'm going to have to help myself and figure out a way. And in doing that, yeah, you kind of go on a slippery scale. But if you're smart and on your feet, you know how to differentiate from that, you can do. You can do pretty well. And you just got to know where you're going to be at and what road to take.

Having the right people in your corner would help too. You know, obviously you've been with RDM for a few years now and that. Yeah, we love, we love that emphasis that you share a lot in the group when you do share, which is ownership. I get that, man, 100% what you just said then. Total ownership of your life. It's got to be you. Yeah, so I get that. And you've, you've grown up in the environments where that's had to be necessary because having the vulnerability in, in certain lights would fucking expose you badly. Which doesn't mean it's your fault, but it's just, that's what happens that we're taking advantage of and it's hard, man. But how do you take that into then becoming a father? And what is it, what does that mean? You like, what's, what's fatherhood like? And then understanding the value of being strong within yourself and also environment to be that for your children now.

Well, this is going to sound a bit cocky in a way that I'm going to. How it became a father and you know, not, not how it became. Everyone knows how to become a father. Surely, surely they know how to become a father by now. But no, but the day, the day we found out that we were pregnant, you know, my, what do you call it, not so much ego, but my profile or I thought what my profile was within the community as a hospitality, as a chef. And who I was and the status that I had was kind of the point of where I stood. You know, my wife come up to me and goes, we're pregnant. Should I have done my job? You know, not great. And there's one things we never regret. But it's kind of go, why did I say that? It was because the, that I was taking the ego that I had in my own brain, the confidence that killed me. Not just that, say that, oh, wow, we're having A child, you know, if I could take that one moment back and replay it 10 times over and go, fuck what I'll do that, which I do in my own head and go, how do I reevaluate that situation? Go fuck, how do we, how do we move forward if I actually end up sitting going bam. I'm so happy. It's fantastic, you know, what are we going to do? You know, like, do we want it, are we going to keep it? She goes, I don't know what we're going to do. And I said, look, whatever you want to do, I'm going to support you. I kind of went, what a dick. Why did I say that? To re evaluating whatever we want to do, I'm supporting you. That's what I had to reevaluate within that moment, within that split second ago. I up change it because it's not just about me anymore and what, what it was. She goes, but what if we have it? I said, well it's going to be nine months. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. You know, financially we weren't there. Stability, we weren't there. We're in a one or two bedroom apartment, it wasn't going to be sufficient. So I was like, right, go find a house, you're going to be home, go find a home. We'll go move it, we'll go to everything, we'll just get it all in before the baby's born. We'll get it all sorted, just tell me where we need to be at and I'll be there and I'll get it all done. But that one moment of lack concentration of my job's done, kind of went, what a dickhead, I'm a dick, why'd I do that? So when we had the second one, it kind of all changed again. So yeah, let's go, we're ready to roll. We're stoked. Like I kind of got it. And the reason why there was two paranormals there for me was the I was taking. And the reason why I say I was taken, the drugs, the alcohol, the night shifts, the burning, the two ants trying to party, trying to be a 22 year old kid again, you know, all this stuff that I did was only to feed my empty ego. Did I feel good then earth? Do I feel good now about it? No, I don't. But how do I change that? I have to own what I said, I have to own what I did. I have to change what I did. And I did that. So when the second one Come around. It was just like, this is not gonna. Oh, and sorry just to take this back there. And in doing that ego to change that. That two years of my oldest daughter's. Oldest daughter's. Adeline's life, I lost as a father, that hurts. The connection that you're supposed to have with your child in the first years of your life is supposed to be the best. I lost it because of my stupid intake my drugs, my alcohol, not being home for when my wife needed me because I thought I was doing the right thing by working, busting my guts, trying to achieve the unachievable. That was perfection. Did I fail? No. Did I overestimate? Fucking hell.

Yeah.

Have I fixed it? Yes. I got out. It took me seven minutes to get out. That was a boat ride from Barangaroo to Dremoyne Wharf. I was done. That was 25 years in seven minutes. So when the next one come around, which I was still in the. Still in. In the kitchen at the time, and the next one came around, Henrietta, I took a trip to Brazil. It doesn't sound great, but I took a trip to Brazil.

But insane.

That took the trip to Brazil. I was actually hired to go work there for. For three weeks in. Doesn't sound good, does it? Second kid off, so no, but I took a trip to Brazil and I worked in Brazil for three weeks. So I earned money over there. I sent it back home and, you know, kind of gave us a level to. To redo things again. And. And I think by still doing the two years, I kind of understood what it was to be a father, what I missed and what I understood and how I went about it, you know, and the wife is just strength. Just what she's gone through in her life is hard. You know, I've had to endure and take on, you know, prolapse floor. Second child with cesarean took it 12 weeks to get better for the first child and 16 weeks for a C section. So, yeah, as a dad, and I think DM does it says it nice. Where's the strong people go? When you need to go, you need to go to a stronger person. And I've never had that around me until now. I've had strong people, but I haven't had mentally strong people. Stability around me. Now I've got that and I can actually move forward. But being a dad's bucket's the best. Kill them. But it's the best thing in the.

World having strong people around. But strong people for you as well, Correct? Yeah, but. Oh, man, and, yeah, I laughed for about half an hour when Crane told me about Roman, because we.

Oh, really? I laughed when he told me. I. Roman.

Well, yeah, mate, we do ivf. We did IVF for our first two. And so to backtrack a bit, what you said, we all know how it happens. They put me in a room and gave me a little cup and there's a whole thing of porters. I was like, I don't need that. I've got imagination. It's the best way. Yeah, yeah, mate, it's. I laughed for about half an hour, but it's. It's pretty surreal when you look and you see, like, yesterday I picked up Lillian from school and I went there a bit earlier. She went to get a haircut, so she was just in a natural environment. Yeah, look, I'm just going to watch it for a bit. And out of nowhere, like, literally within 30 seconds, as long as she just looked up and looked over me, almost like she could feel me, feel my presence, and then, bang, dropped everything she had and sprinted for me. And she's nearly two. And I just. I. I was welling up, man. I was like, fuck, this is the happiest I could ever be. And I could die tomorrow and I'd be sweet.

And.

It's different love. Like, it's different love to yourself. It's different love to your wife. It's different love to your parents. But your love with your children, it's like they are you more than anything else other than you will ever be.

Correct.

Because you're always inside you, so you can't. It's hard to see that. You know what I mean? Like you said, you can see it externally, with ego, pride, all that sort of shit. But to see it living and moving and breathing and running around like, that's. That's me. Like, I've got two. Two daughters as well, but they are, you know, they're females.

And did you get that feeling when you. When Lily was born, the love that you have for your wife? Something just feels like it's pulled your whole arm out and just went, boom. Throw it straight into your kid, your first child?

Yeah.

It's just like, who are you? Like, that's. That's.

Sorry, it's unreal.

I have true love. It's over there now.

Yeah.

So coming out of, you know, what's you. But.

Yeah, well, that's what makes it hard, too. Like, we spoke about that beforehand. You know, when my firstborn came, it was. It was hard. It was hard with Karin, was. Man, and, and then you do redirect that. That love in, In a way where you prioritize. Absolutely. Kids, whatnot. But you know, like with. With yourself, man, coming from tough environments, living work and then your children, it's. It's incredible that you've actually, actually flicked the switch. And yes, it took you a couple years, but switch to position yourself on what's important because. Because you're right. Like our children, everything, like, for me. And I don't want to wish my life by. But man, if I stay fit, healthy and strong, what a grandfather I'll be. It'll be. Because you can hand them back. Yeah, it's. It's, it's awesome. And that's, that's where I see that overriding any form of nightclubs going out, this, this and that.

Yeah. 100% now. Yeah.

For where we are now in the next stage of life. But, but yeah, what are some big, I guess, big tools or resources or revelations that you used and applied that created that transition for you? Because there might be other dads listening who they're not giving their family what they need, or they're not giving themselves what they need, or they're still in a poisonous environment, or they're still accepting a lower standard. How did you turn around? How'd you change?

Well, I got out of an environment that was hostile, you know, because I was hostile. You know, I was the leader of the pack. I was the head chef, I was the executive chef. I was running multi million dollar companies. So I was. I was volatile, I was hostile. I was me, which was not who I was, you know, And I remember speaking to my partner, Amy, and saying, I just Wish I was 15 again, my eyes out. I just wish it could go back to the person I know who I was. And to do that, I didn't know how to get out of it. In the spiral downhole. Of what. Of what you see on TV and what you see on news of what the Kitchen Game is. It's a spiral down a hole of a black hole. And to get out of that, either die or you don't even start. And for me to get out, it was on you, within me. I was not happy. So for me to make that change, I just stopped. I got an ultimatum by one of my bosses. So you go home today and let me know how you feel tomorrow. And as I said that seven minutes, I knew I had to stop. Because if I didn't stop, I would have been dead in 12 months. Done. Because the way I was going was the Only way I should, should have, should have been. I should have been dead. Now that's. That's to God's honest truth, if I kept on going the way I went in the kitchen game to, to this day, I would have been dead two years ago. And this is the revelation that you sit back and you go, what changed it? Why did it change it? My importance to my life were my kids to have that, to have that connection where my family didn't have that connection with me? Yes, I'm still working on it. Yes, it's hard for me, but that's why I changed. Do I lean on the RDM crew and the dads that are there? Not as much as I should, but do I lean on the coaches? I lean on three coaches. That's for me, that's all I need. Because there's, you know, or even four. There's four of you that I lean on. You know, it's yourself, pd, Drew and sometimes Luke, you know, like just to. Maybe if I need to. Luke, I don't really need it, but normally three of you. The reason PD punt Peter Dunlop is he's an old head and in saying that, he kind of gives you the smart advice. And from day one, with Pete and I pushing each other to be achieving what I achieved in the first six months of starting RDM was kind of the point where Pete challenged me to be a better human. And I use human, not just dad, because to be a better human is also to be kind to other humans. And I'm trying, my dad is to be kind to other humans, which sometimes it laps because they're a bunch of dickheads sometimes and they just want to tear you down because you're feeling great. So Pete gives me, in the first year, year and a half, Pete always gave me good advice. You know, I would say a father figure that I never had, but I had a father, you know, like I still cared about him, I still loved.

Him, but he does have that air about him.

But he has that air about.

That's what we call him Pop.

Exactly.

He's number five as well.

Mate, I've got you my one. Gotta look up to your honest.

And what about Adam as well, in case he uses podcast?

Who? Adam who? I'm getting to you, Adam. No, but you know, then yourself, when we first started this, you know, the goal sets that we had, we'll just make, week by week we'll drop them off. So for me, my biggest turning point as a dad and why I did what I did and to reach out to you that day was because I was drinking so much again, my drug habits then become my alcohol habits because I have that addictive personality. The flip was easy. I'm not getting drugs or drink. How do I. And the question I had to ask myself when you turned up on my Facebook feed was, why do I need this? Do I need another area where I don't need to be addictive, have that addictive personality and just bust my guts and know what's going to feel like what real world happens. Life. And they come back to being happy. Yeah, that was it. That was one. That was one big effort for me was to go flip. Drinking stopped on the 11th of November. Well, actually stopped on the 5th of November after Melbourne cup because I was wrecked. But the 11th of November was day dot from when RDM start the 28 day challenge. That was. I made a point to myself. I'm not drinking for three to six months. Did I do it? Yes. What was in that three to six months? Well, it was my mum's birthday, my dad's birthday, Christmas New Year, my daughter's birthday, my wife, my. My wife's birthday. Did I do it? Yeah, I did it with all in that time. And I continue to keep doing it with sporadic little drinking. But did I continue when dad passed? I tried. Fuck, I tried. Have I failed myself in doing what I did? And yes, because I didn't achieve what I wanted to achieve. And this goes back to what we said. What I've said I've shared to you is my heroes in my life and what I showed you the clip, not what we'll talk. My heroes in my life was you and not you. Because I don't know you. It's the point of what you've done. I don't drink. What do you mean you don't drink? Scoffy's head. He doesn't drink. Drinks water when he goes. So I thought, okay, I need to. I need to have that goal. Can I get three to six months? Alex can do it. Why can't I? There's my line. I got three months. Alex does three to six or I'm gonna go three to six. So I continue to keep chasing what you've achieved. Not to be. Not to say that I want to be better than you is to go, well, he's achieved it. He said that task, I do that task. Gonna keep going through. And as I did it, I'm like, I feel good. I woke up fresher. I woke up clearer. I woke up, you know, vibrant gym sessions. Mate, gym. Yeah. I was smashing it. So my turning point in my life before you turned up was to go, I'm losing everything. I'm losing my wife, my kids, my car, my house, my importance, my personality. I'm losing it. So to answer your question, what was the change was that he's lost and I don't fail. But I lose. When I lose, I lose big. Do I want to lose big or do I want to fail? I don't want any. Fuck it. Change. There's those two words again. Fuck it. I had to because. Because I was such a bad seed. The wife wasn't coming in to pull me up because I was off. The kids couldn't do much. I'll play, I'll get tired. I had no energy. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. Leave me alone. How do I change? And I watched your video and I thought, he's got me. Oh, Mandia, he won't call him. He's not going to call. Next day, he called, right? Day dot. We're challenging. Here's that mental game again. For me to go, shit. He's called. I have now an expectation to not fail. I have now that expectation to not lose. I have that expectation to continue to be better as a person, but not just as a person, but as a father and a husband. I can't fail and I will not lose. Yeah, so that's. That's my changing point.

It's powerful, man. Seeing and recognizing the alternative. If you don't change, what you spoke about with losing family and whatnot. Yeah, so many don't. They just keep their head buried in the sand. It's crazy, mate. You have no idea. And that's. Listening to this or watching this? No idea. How many guys reach out and they never, never commit.

Yeah, it is. It's. And that's. And like I said just before, like, it's. This guy's not gonna call. Send me an email, do this, do that. He said he'll call. He's not gonna call. Did he call? Did I call you? Yeah, I called you. We sent me a text, he'd call, I'll call him. I want it. I want it.

Yeah, I remember our phone call.

You know, it's.

It's.

I want it. And that's. It's not because of what you do, is because of what you're coming through with. You resonated with me to go. The honesty to go. That's your fucking decision. This is you. This is who you need to be. I'm just Here to get you to where you need to be at. And there's a point and you're like, this guy doesn't know me.

But that.

That. Those words resonated so much, I don't know, with some of the other dads, I suppose, when we sign on a few but myself to go, I want this. This is what I want. This is how we're going to do it. And I thought, how we're going to do it? Oh, so the fee also pushed me to go forward.

How's he going to do it?

How the is he going to do this? He doesn't know I am. He's is in bum order. I don't know where he is. Like, where is he? How's he going to achieve this? Being remote or being, you know, how is he going to do this? To your credit, mate, hands down, you have. And it's unbelievable. The fact that I'm being number six, but six, the fact that, you know, the fact that it's come this far, it's just epic.

It is, man. From 2018 to now, in 2021, how. Yeah, have you found the journey and. And not just the journey of RDM as a whole, but I wouldn't mind feedback on myself as well. Like, have I, mate, I'm putting myself out there, stripping down.

All right, let's go.

Put the baseball bat down.

Baseball bat, a pen of paper, phone call.

But I just, you know, I. I'm not perfect and I up, but I know I'll get better.

But I practice what I preach 100%. And that's. Mate, that's the thing. And I said this to Drew yesterday. This. This is the thing I said to drew from day one, from doing RDM when it started on the 11th. I know this more than my actual anniversary is the fact that on that 11th of 11th, we started a journey. I want to say I think it was 30 dads of 30 dads, all in their own path. The only path that was led was yours or paved was yours. But you never expected all that information from dads to come at you from every whatever angle came at you to go, this is a bigger picture here. And by all, by all means, you've led the way consistently. You've taken on advice, me included, from other people around you, and you've adapted of what we needed to do. Did you lead that adaption before you bought Coach Z? 100%. Did you lead the way? 100%. Have you led the way consistently? And have you ever dropped the ball? No, that's My honest opinion. No, because what we see on the chat as the RDM dads is also you behind it, finding something else to challenge it. And then you got someone like Drew, Luke, Adam, Pete, anyone that reaches out to them in the dream team comes back to you. How do I evolve? What's happened? How do I evolve? What's going on? No company has grown this much percentagely in three years. And how the quick succession that comes on, and this is not a financial growth that I'm talking about. This is your growth. This is my growth. It's like I'm going to put in chef's terms here. It's like feeding your mother a big bread. So what I mean by the mother of bread, it's the starter that makes you bread. You keep feeding that beast, it's going to continue to keep growing, right? You let it go. If you let it go for so long, it's going to go stagnant, it's going to start, it's going to die. You have so much knowledge around you from your CrossFit, from everything. And all the boys that around you, all the dads that around you that go, I didn't think of that. How am I going to adapt that into this now? So you keep feeding you, you keep coming back with more. We keep growing as a company. And I say company because it is now. It's just not a movement, it's a full company where globally it's going to go huge when it happens because you've put people around you that try, you know, and we feed. Have you let go? Have you dropped the ball? You'd be human not to like getting.

Back to your calls that I miss.

Oh, what are they? That's nothing.

Karen calls me six times on the seventh. I'll answer.

I've got to keep the six number up. Got to keep a number up.

People like you, though, that make the build the. The company, the merman, everything. Because it can't just be one person either.

No, exactly. Right. And you know, funny enough, when CO hit and all that sort of hit, did I let go? Yeah, 100% let go. Was I scared to go back to the gym? I thought was. I didn't want to get co. Didn't want to die.

I didn't.

I was who's who. I just didn't have much to do at home. I just did what I had to do, you know, Then you go to Kosciusko and you meet people like, you mean, you know, Cowan and Wayne and Paul and Michael and all these Other dads, you know, sit back, go. You scratch your head and go, why am I here? I think I've said it to you at the beginning. I don't think I need RDM for physical attributes, because I know where I can get to now. Thanks, y' all have a good day. No, off, idiot. You don't need to go. Why do you need to go? Because what, you hit 88 kilos? You look like a freaking behemoth. Like, you don't need to go. You're here for other avenues besides physical. You're here for mental, you're here for knowledge. You're here for growth. You kind of go, I am. And I hope my story is resonated with some of the dads out there, because it's not just me giving me inspiration. It's seeing people like Big Tone, you know, gave me inspiration to keep going, keep fighting Pete when he was a chubby old pop. But, you know, these sort of things that you see at the round table and go, my life's not that bad. I can do this. Can't go, I can do this. You sit back and you look around what we've in your office now, you look around and go, come a long way. We ever have books. Had one screen. He had an office in the RBM CrossFit office. So, you know, it's come a long way. No, and that's. And I speak from the heart when I say this. Have you failed? No. Will you fail? No. Because I think there's people around you that believe in you. And that's my honest opinion. Yeah. Yeah.

I appreciate it, mate. It's funny too, because I thought. Because it was a transition from getting rid of my old gym and being in the gym space for nearly a decade and a PT since I was 17. I thought the journey started that way, as you know, with the 28 day challenge, and it's the only one we've ever done. But it started with that. From what needed again, but starting from that position of thinking, it's about being healthy and fit. Right. And look, yeah, these books, absolutely. Primal power is important. Energy is important, Physical body. But there'll be guys like yourself who make those inroads, and they know exactly what they need to do. Even if they fall off a little bit with something that's global, like what happened last year or something that's local, they know they've got the tools to get there. And I know you do, too. Like, you train hard, you rip into the gym. I know you've got the goods There. But what RDM is involved into is okay. Energy is everything. Probable power is going to give you the tools to have a greater capacity, a bigger gas tank, mentally, and to be able to perform more mentally. But what's the ignition? And that's what I just had a massive breakthrough with in the last 12 months going, yeah, well, you can't get your problem pair if you don't start the ignition in between years and in your heart, which comes from valuing yourself and believing in yourself, which then made me look back at exactly what you said just then and going, I'm not here just to help dads lose family, to get them to be the fucking king of the castle. 20 years and in their heart to go, this is my life to my time, from which now I will take those actions, get those results. That's a big breakthrough for me, man. I think it's completely changed. Not flipped the message about him, but changed and evolved it to be so much more than thinking. You're coming here for a training program or a nutritional plan.

Yeah, and that's the thing. It's. I think from day one, you've said that, though. I don't do meal plans. You don't do meal plans from day dots, like, what's this about? You don't do meal plans? Hang on. I come here to. To lose weight, to get fit, to rot when he's not doing meal plans? No, it's on you. That's on you. I'll give you the tools and tell you what you need, but you go cook it, you go find it, you go kill it, you go do everything you want. It's on you. And that's the ownership that you have, that you have to have as a. As myself. When I stopped the drink, when I stopped the drugs, when I stopped everything that I've done, everything become less cloudy, less foggy, less understanding. When I started eating right, when I started losing that stupid alcohol weight like I've got now because I've been drinking it. When I start losing all that, when I start understanding that, you start realizing that these pillars and the primals, you start integrating, going, I'm gonna start eating right again. I'm gonna stuff. And when I eat right, I focus, right? I don't need substance like coffee. I don't need stimulants. I don't need that. What I need is real food. What I need is the intake that's going to feed my heart, my brain. And to feed yourself, you need to cook for yourself again.

Yourself.

Your ownership, it has to be that way and to evolve where we come from. Like, you've seen the photo of me when I was starting. You've seen the photo of me six months later. You thought, this guy's a freak. How has he gone from 96 kilo to 82 in 6 months to back to 88 within. Within 12 months.

With muscle.

With muscle. How's he done this? Well, I had to take on the knowledge of what you're giving me. Had to take on the knowledge what I knew for cooking and food and put it into a spot. Did I do pre workouts? Did I do creatines? Did I do proteins? I did the first two. I'd never done a protein because my protein was my food. My massive intake of half a chicken and cabbage. I was gonna say chips. It was half a chicken, cabbage. But taking that and putting that into after a training session to give me my protein and my carb intake, and then an hour later, I'll go and have another half a chicken and have rice and quinoa and shitload of vegetables. But my. My massive growth was through my chicken intake from my protein, natural substance. And then my carb. And my carb loadings were through my. My cabbages and my. My coleslaw. But I know that's what works for me, right? Do I enjoy doing the protein now? Yes, because it's clear for me. It's nice, it's flavorsome, it's good. RDM protein, Chocolate's best. But in saying that, do I take it every day? No. Should I look as good as you know I should. But at the end of the day, for me, I know what to pull out, to gain out. Because I know what I've been taught throughout here. And in saying that if I was there five years ago and starting this again, no chance. No chance. I haven't even had times too much too hard. The two out of basket.

As every Australian would say, the Gunners would have shoulders only if.

I think. I think you said that once in our first few round tables. It's like, if you're gonna. Why not? If. If what? You sit here. If what? Go do it. Don't if it. Because the time you. If it. You. It. Go do it. Go. Go walk. Go run. Yeah, yeah, Go do something. Yeah, go do something physical so you can understand where your heart rate was. And the biggest thing for me out of training with Drew yesterday was my cardio. 153 beats per minute compared to a guy that's 110. Jesus Christ. I'm well and truly, like physically good, strength, wise, cardio shit, Classic case.

What would be the best thing that you found in your time from day dot with rdm? Is it the knowledge? Is it the environment? Support? The coaching? The realness, transparency? The truth.

Ah, the truth. And, and everything above. It's. That's what's got me here. It's like I can call you and go, hey, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, you know, yeah, good. But don't let's go and do this. I'll set you stop giving me the. And then because you got to do it yourself. Oh, but yeah, it's really hard. No, you need to do it yourself. You need to get in here and you've got to do it. It's not so much you swore at me or you did this.

It's.

It's not. It's. You're swearing in a gesture of a way that it's not frustrating for you. It's how I wanted to be talked to because that's where you got through to me. That's how I got through to me. You see, and I, I think some of the dads on the bike ride up in Cosby, I'm back at the pack and I'm off. You didn't get out of my head, like swearing at myself to get myself motivated. And it. All it takes is to tell the guy to off. I'm doing it again. So that, that realistic and the truth and the honesty that comes from you and the team, it's not sugarcoated. It comes from a place of care. It comes from a place of love. And I kind of went, fuck it. They're willing to put up with me. I've got to put up with me. And putting up with me is also putting in. If I can't put in there's nothing, then I don't need to be here. But in again, that Covid period, just shows you that you're not as strong as by yourself without a team or tribal or relatively the same people around you to just go, here you go. He's that little spark that you need and you get it and you get that spark. Right, Reset. Let's go again. Off and on the way.

And there's always a challenge too, isn't there, that you just don't. I was just waiting for you around the corner that you don't know exists yet. Yeah, it's like, okay, well, how hard are you? What sort of steel do you have inside? And then what. What pack do you have behind you? To back you up when that hard challenge comes that you don't quite know about. And yeah, mate, I've leveraged the members of RDM in my personal circumstances to get that spark like you said and lift. It's been, it's been a good session, man. I've really enjoyed our chat. It's been deep. Yeah.

Book comes out on the 29th of February.

The croft factor. What. What would it be? Your. Because I love your honesty and this is the, the funny part people, I never have because I've known you since day died inside of RDM and we've had a good framework in our relationship.

Yeah.

Some people might say, oh too raw or rough or arrogant or maybe they don't, maybe they do. Maybe people aren't willing to have the truth and someone who's raw and real, but I love that. Which is why I want you mate, to give, give some advice to these dads and, and those dads listening like take this the right way like Grant, what you see is what you get. Which is why I love you, mate, because it's, it's real. It isn't arrogance or ego or anything. And some people can't, you know, it's okay, I can because I'm strong. But what would you say to them, mate? Like you want to. You're going to give some advice that dad's entering the second half in life. You know, they're entering into their 40s and obviously a lot of patterns that you and I talk about that we commonly see with a large percentage of dads high performance driven but their life inside of themselves is falling apart. Two cents worth, mate. What advice, what would you give them? What would you say?

There's things that I live by and there's things that people don't live by. So I live by the fuck it world.

The world.

There's two words I live by on that and the reason why I live by that, it's if you're not willing to get out of your own way, you've lost. I'm no diamond, I'm no coal miner. I'm not nothing. I'm. I'm a hard working man that's going to support and as the only person who's going to support me is surrounding myself with the right people. And if you're not willing to get out of your own way to understand who the they are and who they really can accomplish by. People hide behind humor, they hold behind sartistic, sorry, sarcasticness. They hide behind everything just to make themselves feel better. No, that who are you? Are you. Are you an egotistical, sarcastic bastard? Then what? Why are you trying to make yourself feel better? Fine. Take the bullets. Take the hits. Because people that's going to go forward is going to leave you behind. If you want people to come back and pick you up, no way. They're going to continue to move forward because they found out who their life is. There's a rule in the kitchen I'm willing to teach. I'm willing to come back a step to bring you forward with me to be on my team, to be on my level. Even though as the Head Chef or an Executive Chef, I come through, the way I look at it is I want my team to succeed without me succeeding. It's about you succeeding. If I can get my men, if I can get my team to. And I mentored to be above me, I succeeded. But if you're not willing to put in the effort, the know how, the belief, and you want to dribble back here and hold on to the tails. Sorry, mate, you're cut. You're done. Why? Because I'm tired of going back to bring you forward. I'm tired of picking up your emotional baggage to bring you forward. Then you sit them down and you talk to him. Where are we at with you? What do we need to do? I've got a team in there that's busting their ass. Why were you not doing it with you? Oh, Chef, you hurt me. How do I hurt you? Square at me. Okay, here we go again, mate. Here's your four weeks. I'm sorry. I can't keep coming back. I need a strength and conditioning behind me that's going to continue when I'm not here. I can't keep supporting someone that's going to keep bringing my poison, put poison in my team. You're a piece of cancer off. We're done. I can't do it because. And that's how I run my life. And that's. And that's how I. I project my life. You don't want to help me? Fuck it. I'll do it myself. I don't need you. And that's the way that I see it, because I'm not saying that's a bad idea. I don't need the person that's cancerous in my life. I move forward. I move forward. I take the bullets. I'm still moving forward because I'm strong enough mentally and physically to keep going. Five years ago, I was that sarcastic bastard. I was that I know everything mentality, no I don't. Because I had to realize, I had to move forward. How do I move forward? I selected who I wanted my family to be around. I selected who I wanted in my life to be around. People say you can't choose your family. Bullshit. Why not? Why can't you choose your family? I love them, I care for them, I'll be there for them. But do I want to physically fully interact for eight hours a day with them? No. Why? I was bullied, I was brought up, being punched, kicked, tackled, you name it. I was a boy. Did it hurt me as a kid? Yeah, 100% it did. But guess what? At the end of the day, yes, I love them. Are they poisonous to my life in a way? Yes and no. And I say that very gingerly because I don't want it to get out that I'm. I disregard my family and that's who they are. But the thing is, my family is who I love and who I support. Are they poisonous? No.

I think what he says, you only got so much time to give, which means you prioritize.

Correct.

Because I'm the same and it's nothing against my family members whether they listen to this or not, but it's the truth. Like, I wouldn't want to spend 10 hours with my, with my dad every day or my brothers every day.

Or we need those kids.

Yeah, that's right. But I believe that what you're saying is true and I connect with it. But I certainly believe that whilst people feel they're bound by blood to their family, who you choose to surround yourself with blood or not becomes your family and is actually your responsibility. That's going to shape your fucking life, man.

Correct. 100%. 100% agree. You know, especially being a dad at 40, and you mentioned being. What's it like at 40. There's a rule that I live by. I've got to be fit at 40, I've got seven and a half months to be fit, proper fit, not ripped. I've got to bring my heart rate down, that's for sure. Got to do my cardio, but that's the type of fitness I'm talking about. So I can have the energy, so I can have that go get for my kids, so I can get up and I can go when my kids are up and go because they're energized by. They're running then me when I was that age. So I need to be that. I need to be there. And as we've said before, if, if we stay fit, wonder what we're going to look like, you know, when we 80, when we're staying fit and healthy and set. Maybe I live today, I don't know. But, but that's the thing of if we did what we did now with the groundwork that we run, we'll be so much better because we'll have that mindset to give the information to our generations coming through.

And you're. It just came to me then as well. And we always say it in RDM but in different ways. But your, your energy, mindset and leadership literally creates your children's environment.

Yeah.

And some of your dads, if you've got 15, 18, 21 year olds, 24 year olds moved out of home, fucking great. If you still talk to them, you're still engaged with them, if you're still catching up with them, that same principle applies because you're now engaging with your child that's 23, who's moved out of home, but they've spent 23 years of their life looking up to you, your mindset, your energy and your leadership.

Correct.

It doesn't matter if you're only saying one hour a week instead of three, four hours a day. Fucking all applies, man. Really does.

I think Cowman said the thing last night, that's what resonated with me about, you know, the inspiration he just gave to me about having that platform he's giving his 17 year old daughter to run a business. It's like she's capable if you just, if you know, just to have that. Just like I've got tingles, I get tingles now. But if I had that 1%, not trust, but belief, I can let go, yes, I'm a little bit patient. But that belief to let go and let do that, as you said, the happiest person in the world when you just go, I'm done, I'm happy, I can go tomorrow. Everything's set. I've done what I had to do in my life. I've set everybody up. I'm sweet, but guess what? I'm even more happy. My child is actually, I'm proud of my child. I put trust into them, I've put everything into them. Let's put as much as I can without being a, a rogue, you know, and it's like, I think it's that string that you gotta hold off without pulling it too far. And as you try, you're gonna let it go sometimes, you know. But yeah, what Cowman said the other day was unbelievable. You got me, got me, got me good.

Yeah.

So man, it's been great.

It's been awesome, mate. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming up and jumping on day and I hope you guys got a lot of value out of this. Big things like ownership, making that change and man, making it now. You know it, make it now change. And it's hard.

It's hard, but you got it. If you want to live to your 70, 80, you got it.

You gotta change.

And that's one big thing that change is not a challenge. Change is an accomplishment. When you change, you've accomplished greatness. And when I mean by greatness, you become. You become what you become, become part of, part of society again. You're not living. You're not living in a. I don't want to say the word, but you're not living in a shadow of someone behind you. You're living in front of them. You're telling that person that's telling you all the time that's behind you off. I'm changing this. I'm done. Done with you pulling me back. I'm ready to go.

A little voice inside. Yeah, we all have him, mate.

He's hard one. But you just got to tell him, go away, leave me alone. I'm ready to go forward. And if you let him dictate your life, you're never going to accomplish. It's going to be the hardest struggle of your life. And that's being a chef. That's what happened. He dictated what I did, what I talk, what I've done, how I achieve. Fuck off. I need to change. Change was great. Change is good.

Yeah. Proud of you, mate. Thanks. Alright, hope you guys enjoyed this. Whether you watched it on, on YouTube or caught up on our different platforms or podcast, don't forget we're on itunes as well if you're listening to it on SoundCloud. Also have Stitcher. We've got GC out there, everybody. Greencroft Main. It was awesome having you on Spotify as well. Anything you need, always. We're always here with, with opportunities. And one of the greatest ways to create that opportunity is just by starting to immerse yourself in the right knowledge and information, like Grant said, because there's so much out there. But that alone won't be the answer to back that up with action. And don't forget, for the rest of January, we've got tribal power of environment. That's. That's free. You guys can have that for free. Alexmovement.com hit me up and I'll send that out to you. You can have the audiobook as well. And you can have the coaching video series too, because that's.

That's big. That.

That's. There's a few massive takeaways I got from this with you, mate.

It was awesome.

But one of the big ones is absolutely.

Yeah, for sure.

But thanks again, mate. Thanks, guys.

Hope you enjoyed.