90. Influence & Leading

Foreign. Podcast. I'm your host, Al, and in this episode, we talk about leadership and influence. How to influence your family the right way and doing it on your terms. See, here's the crazy part. When it's all said and done, you're not living life alone. You know, we talk about empowering yourself or investing in yourself or being the best you can be. Be a hundred, give 100. Often that can lead. And look, we're not here for guys who are egotistical maniacs or narcissists. We're here for fathers who understand the value of investing in themselves. But sometimes we take the focus off how we can then utilize that investment to move our life forward with our families. It doesn't matter whether your children are 28 or 18 or 8 months old, you will always be a figurehead that applies a level of influence, even if the relationships with your children at play are not what they can be or what they should be, in your eyes is something that can change over time. This is the hard part. We spend so many years fucking ourselves up, yet we're not willing to invest the time unfucking ourselves. Excuse the French on those two points there, but it's the truth when I'm talking. This is a two pronged episode. You're going to love this episode. We're going to dive into it in two ways. How to influence and lead yourself and then how to take that same model. This is a model that we use inside of rdm. How to take that same model to then influence and lead those around you that you care about, that you love, that play an important role in your life. A lot of the times we find ourselves drifting. The reason why you drift, or there's fog or muddied waters or any sort of terminology that you want to use that brings this picture inside of your head where things don't become apparent in front of you, clear or real, is because there's a lack of clarity. Great one, Al. Well done, mate. You've just said the opposite of what I might be currently experiencing. Yes, that clarity has a way of forming up. It has a way of shaping up. You can't just click your fingers and go, oh, yeah, this is exactly it. There we go. Boom. You know, this is a little kid who was an elite athlete as a soccer player, little prodigy, and then was going to play cricket for Australia and became overweight and obese, then became an elite athlete and then had multiple operations and then started gyms. And it's been about 12 months, I think, since I've Sold my gym. I don't have gyms anymore. Won't have a gym ever again. It was a beautiful experience. They were all great experiences because I continually grew and expanded who I was. They were great experiences laced with horrific times and lots of turmoil to worry about that there are lots of stories there. And it's something that hardened me and made me who I am because I continually reinforced who I could become and created that version and just reached outside of myself a little bit to just lift the bar, lift the bar, lift the bar. So it's not something that you just click your fingers, but this level of clarity is something that can come about if you position yourself with the right tools. And to position yourself with the right tools at play, there has to be a process. There has to be a system which is in order of that process, the right order. So let's make some sense of this. When you are looking inside of your life and there's something that you want to change, there's a feeling that needs to change. There's some facts that need to change. Both of those need to change. You want them to change. You have a desire, something you do desire. Okay, awesome. It's great to ask why you desire it and what role that plays in your life and all that sort of stuff. Unreal. But first we must get crystal clear on what that outcome is. What is the outcome that you want to achieve in your life? It can be in any area of your life with yourself. It could be your health, your nutrition, your exercise, training, all different forms that your mental state and mindset and approach towards things outside of you, things inside of you, how you see yourself, how you value yourself could be your family, how you engage with your children, with your wife, your work, your colleagues, your business community, society, friendship groups. Bad environments you want to try and turn around because you've got history there. Good environments you want to spend more time in and be more nurtured in so you can lift up who you are. There are so many different areas of our life. So let's start with one. What's the outcome of this specific area? What are the outcomes that you want to have? And when we go through this, I've got written on the board and also on the board here, a series of steps that needs to take place for me to achieve that outcome. But these steps that I'm putting in place and actioning will mean fuck all if I actually don't get clear on the outcome. Otherwise there's going to be an outcome that I wasn't expecting. Or wasn't aware of, which means I've wasted time. Regardless of whether it's perceived to be good or not, you've got to be clear. Like people might call it your vision or your goals or awesome. Outcomes are facts. We're not talking about 12 month goals and plans and all that sort of stuff. I did a session on that at the start of the year, which you can go back and look at. I'm talking about what is it that I desire and achieve in the near to immediate future. Okay. Whether we're talking a month, a week, couple of weeks, couple of days today, what's the outcome you want to achieve? Awesome. Make the outcome something that is then going to define or help you define the actions you need to put in place. So if I said to you my outcome is to lose 3 kilos this month, perfect example. And I'm not a fitness coach. That's where my background was and it was a phenomenal career that I had in helping and influencing people and leading people in changing their lives. And it is a primary vessel I absolutely believe in. Like you are living your life through your body, so you must pay attention to it. But it's a very simple, easy argument we can attach to I want to lose 3 kilos of fat, I want to put on a kilo of muscle. Awesome. Great. You can't leave with an outcome saying, the outcome that I want to achieve for the month of February Is to train 20 times. That's just one of the key few actions you need to take to achieve a specific outcome. What are those 20 training sessions then equal? What do they equate to? What is the outcome of those 20 training sessions? So you've got to be crystal clear and you've got to do this properly. You can't, like, don't fuck around. When people talk about lead or lag measures. Lag is after the fact. Leadership's a lag measure. It's after the fact, after history has been made, after you've done the deed. So when we're looking at lag measures, it's after the fact. So we need to establish the lag measure. Okay, what's the outcome that want to achieve? Okay, what are the lead measures then? What can I lead in with? What can I go forward with? What are the actions to take? So when we're looking at yourself in your life, awesome. This is what I want to adjust with my body or my health. And this is where I want to get it to in February, by the end of February, four weeks time, Beautiful. Well done. Now let's start brainstorming and asking quality questions. A. Why is that outcome important to you? What are the feelings that are going to drive you and the facts when this outcome is realized that are going to help you move forward? Cool. All right, so we've scratched that surface a little bit. It's a goal worth chasing. All right. This is important to me because it's going to equal X, Y and Z. You know, ABC the outcomes. Xyz, the meaning behind it. Awesome. Purpose behind it. Awesome. What are the actions we need to take then to move us closer to that? So here's a key thing as well. You can have expectations. Never assume. And expectations and assumptions are a dangerously close line to walk. But never assume anything. You can absolutely have expectations over your actions and standards that you hold within yourself. Primarily close to you. Primarily. Sorry, close to you. Like, it's got to be something like within you. You can't have an expectation over an outcome. There are so many variables. You can have a desire, you can move towards that. You can get as close as possible, you can realize that outcome. You can achieve that outcome. Awesome. That's great. Well done. But you can't have that at the start. Otherwise you're losing focus on what's important expectation of your standards, how you turn up the actions that you commit to 100% or more for that. So what are the actions that we need to put in place that are going to move us as close as possible to achieving that outcome? And list them out. Brainstorm, list them all out. Then categorize them in a level of importance. If there are seven key things you've written down, what are the top three? What's the top one? We find the key things. And for me, I want to improve my body composition to be even sharper than I was in January. For me, the key thing is products. No more products. I eat good, wholesome foods. That doesn't even mean not one lint ball, none of that sort of shit. Anything packaged like that is not food. It's a product. It doesn't matter if it has macronutrients. That doesn't mean I'm a saint, but I'm certainly not moving towards having snacks and all these little things that just creep in and all of a sudden that can be the difference to 3, 400 calories a week. Doesn't seem like much, but over four weeks, boom, there you go. That's how you polish up one and a half kilos. You rinse and repeat for March. Beautiful. Awesome. That's all the difference. But the byproduct of that is the energy that I have and my performance levels and the contentment in achieving goals that I've set out to achieve. So when you're getting clear on the actions, you need to find the key one. For me, I'm already training. It's autonomous. I've trained for 22 years. It's simple, it's easy. I love it. Excuse me? I love it. And it's simple and easy. It's hard at the time, but I enjoy that challenge. I love it. I love the burn, the pump, all that sort of stuff. It's great. I really enjoy that stuff. So it's part of who I am. Nutrition, though, there are so many variables. If you eat three to four times a day over seven days a week, that's 21 to 28 variables. Which is why, as a driving force towards moving forward with your goals, nutrition is always the hardest. Because of the different environments, the different variables, the different spanners in the works are getting thrown in. It's so much harder than just training for 40 minutes that day. Beautiful. Tick the box, you're done. There are so many other moving parts. That's why nutrition is always the hardest. Right? Find that one thing out of your lists and then start to categorize with priority the top 1, 2, 3. Awesome. These are the actions. No worries. This is the outcome I want to achieve and these are the actions. This is for you. Like I said, part two of this, we're going to dive into your family, how to be a proper father and leader to your family and your kids in making this process something that's fun and creative, but also with depth and connection with your children, with your misses in moving forward. This is your life, this is your world. You're not the only one here as well. Don't forget that. Actions. Awesome. Then we just peel it back one more. This isn't about going to woo woo or crazy, but looking at going, okay, this is the outcome. Well, these are the outcomes that I want in family. Self and service or this is what I want for myself. Right now we're focusing on self. Awesome. These are the actions I need to put in place. Great. Well done. Now how am I going to get that out? Like, they're the actions I want to put in place. How do I then not only spark that and initiate that, but then consistently turn up for that? This is where we need to go back to the first point of why you're doing this. What drives you for the outcomes or the outcomes you want, okay, why? And then relay that again with your identity and start to brainstorm again. Who would that person need to turn up as? Like, who would I need to become for this to be true? So who would I need to become? What does the version of Al need to look like? For someone who cuts out all the products, eats very well, he maintains training four times a week, he walks three times a week, he goes and swims with his daughters once a week to do their swimming lessons and whatnot. So he's moving, you know, nine to ten times a week. Awesome. Moving the body, cuts out snacks. His goal is to win lunches every single day because that's always the hardest time. Beautiful. Awesome. He's winning seven days a week with his lunches. All right. They're the four key things that he needs to do and that's going to help him achieve the outcome of having a better body in March than he did heading into February. What does that version look like? How does he think? How does he operate? What does he do? What does he plan? What sort of habits does he create? What does he put in his pantry? How does he set up his gym and training gear? How does he organize his roster or his schedule at work to make sure he takes out time to go for his walks, whether he's at work or at home, or takes out time to make sure he's getting that training session in, or sets himself up to have the nice night routine so he can get up at 4am and train at 4:30? How would he carry himself? What would his thoughts be like? What would his integrity be like of himself? How much self respect does he have in what he's doing with his body and what he's putting inside of his body to initiate and maintain those actions to then complete and achieve that outcome? Because this is always going to be the biggest mover for you in life, mate. I promise you this. It's your identity. Who are you? Who do you turn up as? Because it's not an ego thing. It cuts at the core of who you are, who you define yourself as, which ultimately has a ripple effect of who you are for your children, who you are for your wife, who you are for your workers, your colleagues, the society that you live in, or your community or your social group or anyone else outside of your inner circle that you have influence over or that you are a part of in their life as well, in their reality. Outcomes, actions, identity you want to influence and lead in life, influence yourself, influence the lesser version of you, and break him up. Break him away from the shackles and the bullshit that he tries to hold onto and cut that stuff away and lift up and then forge into a new version of who you are by leading, by going first, by taking action, leading by example, examples, actions. That's going to drive the outcomes. I hope this has opened up a couple of doorways or windows of opportunity for you to look through and go, wow, I actually never got clear in the outcomes. I just desired something without even thinking about it. Yes, that's right. Which means I was pissing in the wind and aimlessly moving and expressing energy and time to things on that chronological time line that I'll never get back. Yes, that's right. And I actually wasn't even aware of who I was continually becoming. Yes, that's right. Here's the crazy part, mate. Like nothing stays the same. The one thing that alone, the one thing in life that will always be the same is change. The one constant in life is change. People don't like change. People don't like change. Out. That's right. People don't like change because of the bullshit inside of themselves. They've got a weak internal frame because they haven't consistently challenged themselves, which means they haven't gr. Grabbed, life by the balls to live life on their terms. More often than not, we don't control everything, but inside of themselves, absolutely. How you choose to see things, how you turn up as a man, as a father, the actions that you put in play, your physical health, the energy that you express into the world, of course you're not going to like change. You've got all control over anything, mainly yourself. Jesus, I'd be worried too. What a horrific way to live your life. This doesn't mean that I have all the answers. And I'm not being a smart ass and I'm not judgmental of people. I'm providing on the level, sometimes some cut and dry truths and perspectives, other times some free flowing possibilities. Not fantasies, but possibilities where you are, you are dreaming, you are looking and decisively having a different shift in the vision that you currently have of who you want to become. Absolutely. Ebbs and flows. There's some things that are black and white in the world, there are certainly some things that are gray and they've got some flexibility where you need to maneuver yourself around that and find the appropriate purpose for you. But the reality is change is something that ultimately I welcome. It doesn't mean I go hunting down pain or challenges, but when they present themselves in front of me, I take them on it doesn't mean I'm not going to miss when my little girls are cuddling me and I'm reading them bedtime stories and next thing you know they're either going out to dances or birthday parties and all these other things. Of course I'm going to miss that sort of stuff, but it doesn't mean I want to stop it moving forward in life. I can't anyway, so why would I fantasize about that? Why would I hold on to my little girl and just think that she wish that she'll stay 5 forever or 10 forever, or 15 forever? Doesn't work that way, man. It's a dangerous form of delusion because it takes you away from focusing on what the most important thing, which is valuing the present and moving forward in that present with a wonderful experience for yourself and for your family as much as you can, and bringing that joy into your life and overcoming the adversities that you face. It's very simple. Doesn't mean it's easy, but it's very simple. Which takes me to the second part of this episode. When you're looking at your relationships as a father, as a husband, with your children, with your wife, it's imperative that you follow a similar process. A, together as a team, when it involves both of you moving forward to something you're both almost equally invested in. There's never a number on this, but almost equally invested in. And B, supporting the right framework, outcome, actions, identity, when you are supporting someone that you are invested in. So if there's something specific that my wife or my children want to achieve and that's a goal they have, awesome. I'm not going to take ownership over that and claim it and make it a team effort, so to speak, and then take charge. My role as a leader or influential figure in their life is to guide the journey along the same protocol, along the same set of standards that we need to create. And standards across those three areas. What are the outcomes they want to achieve, what are the actions that need to take place, and what's the identity look like? So when my daughter Stella, wants to go and do gymnastics again, or we're wrapping up athletics, we need to pick a different sport now that we're going to be doing some sort of exercise or activity. Okay, let's explore the options. There are key things. As a parent, responsibility takes hold with myself and my wife in obviously determining what's going to be best for her in a range of different things. And then we present them in a way that gives her a Level of control as well, where she's moving forward to what sparks her mind and her interest. Okay, Stella, we've got ballet. You can do that again. You've done that before. You've done gymnastics before. We can have a look at a few different things. You know, you're turning five in August. So we can look at things like soccer, T ball. Like there are so many different things, right? So many different things. So we present this in a way that is helping her understand that the outcome of her doing this is to play and engage with other kids, to have fun, to move your body because it's healthy to get outside, to try different things. There's a whole level of fun and creativity around it also. Discipline, commitment. We don't use those words with her. She doesn't understand them, but they are the outcomes that we subtly reinforce through her hard work, disappointment, challenge, competition. Like they're all great things, but we don't lead with that. Not at this age, not at any age. There are times when I was competing internationally in CrossFit on the floor and I'd be cracking a joke one minute and then completely focused, hitting a hundred kilo snatch or doing muscle ups or handstand walks the next. There's absolutely switches. My point is, with our children that young, we are looking at the outcomes that are going to help nourish and nurture her with the freedom and flexibility to find and define herself along the journey with a variety of different stimuluses and experiences. What are the actions we need to take? All right, well, it's guiding her through that. You know, what, what is it that you want to have? Okay, it's, it's something throughout sports that we're going to use for that particular outcome. No worries. What are the things that you like, Stella? This is meant informing and educating her on those and then ultimately the identity of two pronged approach of us as parents, how we want to lead and influence our child and then for her, what this means for her and what it's going to become as a part of something on her tool belt which when she achieves this and when she applies these actions and when she gets this outcome. So when it comes to like a 15 year old daughter or a 17 year old son, awesome. If it's something you're heavily invested in, Julie, don't be a fuckwit and just say because I said so. Like that's bullshit. Don't say do as I say, not not as I do. Like, you know, that is a level of weakness, mate. I'm Telling you this much now, there are going to be things and times when you cannot explain to the mental capacity they currently have for them to understand. I get that. Like Stella, 7am she wants to have an ice cream. No sweetie, we don't have ice cream in the morning. We're going to have a good breakfast and blah blah, ice cream could be a treat or dessert a bit later on. Why? Why not dad? Why can't we have it? Like there are going to be times when. Yes, you'll have to either adjust the topic or shift or distract. I understand that. But as they get older, the runs on the board that you're getting from planting the seeds early on are going to come to fruition whether you like it or not. It's going to be a big beautiful blossoming tree or it's going to be a tree that needs a few branches that need to be lopped. Or it's going to be something that's completely rotten because you're completely rotten in your approach and your leadership to them. You better fucking own that as well. So when it comes to establishing connection with anyone, including adults, including myself, with other fathers who are in the second half, right, dads with 10, 15, 20, 25 years of conditioning and baggage, how do you think my approach is when I turn up? I mean those who are members of RDM will be listening to this and I'll understand. It's holding the mirror up with you and being a guide and helping you have your discoveries, no judgment on the level and nudging you in the direction and the area that's going to help you expand and grow. That's the key for me, evolution. Grow and change the version of who you are, adjust your perspectives to build your self belief and then back that with action. There's a very simple fundamental process for me to see you get the most out of yourself. But it changes. Some dads like specific ways that I speak, others like specific other ways that I speak. That's okay. Like it's. It's not about being a chameleon and losing my own identity. It's adjusting the connection and communication necessary to help that person move forward. Because this is significance in my life just like it should be for you and your children or your wife. So when it comes to your 17 year old son or your 24 year old daughter or your wife and you're looking at something together, awesome. What are the outcomes that I want for myself? What are the outcomes that I want for my wife? And then let's find out. Let's get crystal clear what are the outcomes that she wants out of this? Or what are the outcomes that your 24 year old daughter or son wants out of this or your 15 year old daughter or son wants out of this. Like if it involves both of you, get clear on what you want. Get clear on what you want for them. Hopefully they're both the same thing and they marry up nicely, but. And then get clear on what they want for themselves and then let's see where this chasm or this void is and get a greater understanding on why it is that they want that presented as the outcome and why is it you want this presented as the outcome? And find some sort of middle ground or find purpose behind your reason, their reason, and what's going to serve both of you moving forward. Then get clear on the actions by asking them bring fun and creativity back into it. I'm not talking about fun like dad jokes, ha ha. Although they play a great role at times, especially breaking the ice. But I'm talking about fun as in awesome. Like, like fun's a funny word. Like it really is an interesting word, you know, like when I'm, when I'm talking about this, what I'm talking about is excitement, exhilaration, awesome, cool, beautiful. How do we get into this? Like, what does this look like? This is the outcome that you want to have. Okay, cool, let's break this down. What are our pathways? What can we do? I mean, I've thought of this, this and that, but this is just my perspective. What do you think? Like, what are some options that you can think of? Because don't forget, mate, like your brain is your brain, your mind, your mental approach, your heart is yours, yours alone. And it's a collective of many, like Al, who you're currently seeing or listening to right now is a collective of thousands and thousands and thousands of people and experiences over my life. Probably millions of experiences like we all have, but get crystal clear on that. So for my wife, I've got date night tonight. Okay? Date night. Like we don't even like that term. We call it honey and handsome time. Hopefully she's the honey and I'm handsome because I wouldn't like to be called honey. And I don't think I'd like a handsome wife either. We call it H and H time. Honey and handsome time. Okay, what do you want to do? And this isn't just about getting down and dirty like that. That's bullshit as well, man. Like you need to make sure you remove. And I'm not talking about leave, you know, eliminating that. That's an important part of primal, primal connection for us. But I'm talking about, okay, cool. This is the time that we're going to get together and fuck every week. Like, man, that is. That is. That is such low level stuff. Like, that's ridiculous. What are we going to do with our honey and handsome time? All right. Instead of me just coming home and it's obviously after the kids go to bed, it's hard. We don't have a babysitter, so we've probably got, you know, a couple hours max. Because my nighttime routine is important. It flows in the next day. Continuity is key. All right, cool. I've got two hours. So today I've partitioned some time or, you know, portion some time to do a little bit of research and try and find out different, different ways that I can surprise my wife once a week. Won't be tonight, but I can surprise her with something once a week. And then also what we can do together that's going to help her feel more relaxed, more stable at home. You know, she's had kids, three kids under five. Like, her posture's shot to shit with tightness in her muscles and her back and everything. Maybe for me it's just simply giving her a neck massage and helping her relax and making her some nice chamomile tea. It could be such simple thing where it is an act of service for my wife from which with a specific moment of tonight, I'm pulling significance out of that in knowing that my wife is being looked after and nurtured because guess what? She's raising three of the most fucking important things in my life, man. She. I'm giving her, when I'm here right now doing this podcast, she has a monstrous amount of responsibility over three of the most important things in my life. And I'm putting that in her hands. Fuck, man. Why wouldn't I look after that? Like, that's crazy, right? Chaotic. But it's also clear to make sure that I'm communicating with her, my needs and what I desire as well. Which, guess what, if I'm looking after her the right way and looking after my own house, inside of myself, my energy levels, my health, my nutrition, well, then guess what? She's going to be proactive in looking after me. It's the way it works, man. Don't sit back fucking like a sloth on the lounge watching television, expecting her to get up and ik. Once she starts initiating it, then I'll take action. You know, that's ridiculous. Man. So not going off on a tangent on that. Maybe that's for another episode. But my point is this. When we get together tonight, what are the outcomes? I want us to unwind. I want us to relax. I want us to just be present and spend time together. So that means. Yeah, look, no technology, you know, no technology. What does Karim want? Like, I'm gonna get crystal clear on that. What do you want? Which. Which we spoke about last night. Okay. What are the options? What are the pathways for that? What would she like to do? And a lot of the times she can't decide. She's a Gemini, indecisive. And whilst it shits me up the wall at times, because I've got complete focus and intent and direction and I am very direct at times, I can't stand that sort of stuff because it's wasted energy and time. But that's her. That's how she operates. Great. Good for her. What can I do to make sure I listen and nurture that side of her, to guide her towards what she will love best? And if she can't, how do I take a level of not control, but level of leadership to go? Well, how about we do this and suggest things that she'll be agreeable upon because she knows is in her best interest and it suits her and she doesn't have to think big. She. She's tired and run off her feet all day with the kids. Great, wonderful, honey. No worries. Who are we as type of people having these children in chaotic times when they're three under five, in chaotic times when a lot of families and fall apart or they fall down or break down because they don't have clear structure in place. They don't play. We've got our week planned. Everything's already set. We'll get our honey and handsome time. We've got all that sort of stuff set and planned out. Beautiful. Like it's. It's all. It's all there. We don't have to think about that sort of stuff. Who are we as people and who do we want to become to achieve these outcomes, to have these actions, to experience life and experience our relationship, connection and joy and the love and wonder that we can continually have, even with all the chaos and bullshit that happens right now with having three kids and business and home and energy and not having sleep and everything else that comes with life? Well, people who get structure and plan together, people who do take time out for themselves, people who are aware of that, husband and wife who are communicating that to each other, sharing our Feelings opening up, not suppressing, not just being shitty, making sure we're checking each other, checking our own mood, not being a victim, coming to the table the right way, having the right temperament nature, not being triggered like we normally are or we normally would be when we run off our feet, not having sleep. These are the sorts of people that we want to identify as to reinforce and build good habits through the actions we put in place that are going to nurture the outcomes that we want, that are going to move us forward with love and acceptance, experience in our life as husband and wife. Can you see the pattern here? Out comes actions, identity. Do that for yourself. Outcomes, actions, identity. For how I'll play a role for those three areas, for what's important for my child in my eyes or my wife in my eyes. And then let's discover and find out what that looks like for them in their eyes. Not just barging full steam ahead like, I'm a very strong and powerful man. But I'm not that because I beat my chest and just yell my family into submission. That's weak. That's complete weakness. And if you've done that before, no worries, mate, that's okay. I'm not saying you're weak. I'm saying that's a weak act. And it's our actions that consistently are in place in life and what we consistently behave, how we turn up and implement those actions that defines who we are. See, if you've done that in the past, that's okay. None of us are perfect. But if we move forward and we try to get better and keep improving our life, you will get better. So if you've done it in the past, that's okay. Let's try and find ways to navigate and not do that as much in the future to then not do that at all. That's a solid habit of mine, Al. I don't like it. I get grumpy. I'm grumpy, dad. I'm short tempered. I come home from work and I'm shitty as I walk through the door. Blah. Awesome. That's a solid. Let's turn that into a liquid. How about you pick three days a week and you sit in your car for five minutes before you enter their household and just breathe and talk about the importance of how important your family is, the importance of your family, how they play a role in your life, your wife, your children, how blessed you are to have them. How blessed you are that you're breathing because Bill died of a heart attack three weeks ago. Bob died of A stroke that he had and he wasn't even that old. And did you hear about the car accident where three people died? Like, life is a miracle, man. Change your perspective, change your eyes. Why don't you do that? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, make it liquid. And then turn that shitty habit on those other days into gas. You're aware of it, but it's not really there anymore. And you know the role that it doesn't play in your life and you can just get rid of it. It's gas, it's lighter, it's easy to get rid of. Bang. Blow that shit away. And then reinforce the new identity of who you are. Outcomes, actions, identity. Get crystal clear on what that means and looks like for your children, because then you'll understand. Get crystal clear on what that looks like for a specific circumstance, outing, situation, area of life for your wife, because then you'll understand. But make sure you do it for yourself because then you'll understand yourself better as well when you have that. This is the biggest waste in life. The worst thing in the world is hypocrisy that's fucking rife through the world. But the biggest thing in life that's wasted isn't like you talk about different types of fuels or energies or resources. It's human energy, the biggest waste because we're not focusing, we're distracted, we're sedating ourselves. We're not getting clear, we're not having stronger connections, we're poorly connected through multiple environments with phones and technology and we're not connected the right way. Like this is just ridiculous. It's so much, so much blood, like we are bleeding. So much energy in this world. You don't have to be part of that. You can rise up crystal clear. Outcomes, actions, identity. For yourself. Then when you're engaged in something or someone outside of you, get crystal clear on that. What do they want for themselves? Outcomes, actions, identity. What is your wife, Your children? What do they desire? How can we be creative? How can you influence and lead and guide them on their journey? Leadership isn't always leading by example through your own actions. In what you're doing physically, you can lead through the actions of how you're supporting and guiding someone and getting them to think. I do it all the time. Not that I play games. My daughters are. Yeah, they're pretty witty and they're smartasses already, but I get them to think now it's not. It's not embedding the seed of my thought, it's embedding the seed of getting them to think. And that's a beautiful thing man. Like that is creation right before your very eyes. Hope you've enjoyed this episode and gotten some good takeaways out of this. Like if you want to be a high performing father in your life, it must come down to how you express your energy and how you value that in ultimately an efficient way. And the way that you value that and optimize that energy with the most efficiency is getting clear on the sites outcomes, the actions and who it is that you want to turn up as. And you continue to turn up and then relaying that or rippling that same process or protocol out to those you love and care about most. Mainly you're in a circle. Take this and apply it immediately. Take it and apply it immediately and then email me, let me know how you go. Alexdadmovement.com Hope you enjoyed this episode. Tune in for another one soon. And like I said, above all else, like above all else man, everything you get from this, apply it immediately. Don't just sit back and ponder. Make it action. Make it life. Make it yours and win. Cheers.