91. What Saying Yes Or No Really Means

Foreign. Podcast. This is your host, Al. And in today's episode, we are talking about yes and no and what it really means. When you're saying yes to something, what you're ultimately saying no to. And when you say no to something, what you're actually saying yes to. And peeling back the layers without diving deep or in a world of confusion or posting riddles. In this episode, it's really quite simple to understand that when you are saying yes to something, you are ultimately making a choice, a decision which means you are saying no to something else. You know, it's a fascinating thing when I look back over the course of my life and all the different moving parts, from being an overweight, obese, depressed boy, to rising up and becoming an elite athlete, to starting my own business and my own gyms and helping other people start their own gyms. And I think there's probably four to five different gyms that I've helped start as well as my own. To competing internationally in CrossFit for three years in a row, to being a father, to being a husband, all the different hats, all the different experiences, all the different actions, all the different choices. I start to actually see why I felt like I was just keeping my head above water. Even though I was successful in the perceived eye of society or other people, and even though I was successful through specific results from the actions I took, like, you know, competing and being the heaviest guy in the world, to compete on that stage in CrossFit was pretty awesome. Like, I'm proud of myself for that. No other person who was 6 foot 4 and 112 kilos even came close to doing what I was doing. And I was doing it better than those a foot shorter than me and 20 kilos lighter. And this isn't a case of saying, hey, I'm better than someone else because I could outperform them. It was a sense of self pride and achievement, overcoming the stigmas or the status quo of this is the box or the mold that you need to fit and this is what you must do because of that. One of those areas being performance as a high performing father. What I want to make sure in my life, moving forward as I continually build and expand this empire, as I continually build and expand my own kingdom with my family and myself, is being very cautious of the things that I say yes to and not cautious in the line of being fearful or hesitant. Those who know me know that to the untrained eye, I take a lot of risks, but I don't because of my tenacity. For growth action and backing my ability to find a way and taking action off the back of that as well. But it's definitely not being cautious from the line of fear or not wanting to take action and not having the balls or the courage showcased plenty of that. And it's not like it's an infinite source either. You need to continually build it with different experiences. But being very cautious over the things that you say yes to, that I say yes to now and the things that I say no to and understanding the mini, the miniature pathways that they take. And is that part of the grand plan, the big path? Well, who knows what that is? And everyone changes. This is what happens. We all change. I didn't grow up when I was 4 or 5 or 8 or 10 years old saying, hey, I'm going to be the king of the dads. I'm going to be coaching fathers all over the country and one day all over the world. And it's going to be called Real Dad Movement or it's going to be called High Performance Father, which is an incredible, incredible program that we have. It's something where we're looking at the pathway of you internally that is built off the yeses and the no's. And this isn't something that's over complicated as well. I want you to have a think for a second of a period in your life or a time in your life where you've said yes to something or someone or a project or a task or a favor or someone reaching out, whether they're clinging on, trying to suck the life out of you or whether there's someone that's trying to challenge you to expand and grow. And have a look at the times when you said yes. And regardless of whether you follow through all the way or not, you've not almost immediately but you found a sense of remorse or regret or an unease inside of you where you know it wasn't right. You know it isn't the right path for you. You know it isn't something that's helping you, it's not aiding your journey, it's not going to let you grow. And I'm not about selfishness either. Like it's not about always saying what's in it for me? Not at all. But this is your life. Like the choices that you make, you need to take ownership over them, you need to take responsibility of them. Absolutely. There's no denying that. So I want you to think about that. What have I said yes to that means that I've missed out on something else? It means I've actually ultimately said no to these other things. And then on the flip side of that, what are the things that you've said no to? And you've been proud of yourself, knowing full well that because you've said no to those things that will suck the two greatest resources and value that we have in this world, which will be another episode time and energy or effort. What does that mean for the yeses that you've said in your life? And how has that played out in the journey of who you choose to become and who you continue to become? Because this is the thing, when it's all said and done, your life is a series of moments. And the moments link like a chain and are built with the strength and integrity of that chain off the back of the choices that you make. And the choices that you make ultimately come down to either a limiting belief or a deep internal belief of who you believe you are, of who you see yourself as, of how you see yourself. Now. When we're looking at the yeses and the nos, there are some things that you can say yes to which are awesome. They're going to help you grow. They're going to help you become more and improve your life, which means you're saying no to other things. And I guess for me, just to make this clear on you with some really simple, fundamental things as you're pondering, as you're thinking on this episode, of the things that you've said yes to, which have said no to others, and vice versa, what you've said no to, just said yes. I want to just expand on this with some simple things. For example, if you don't have the energy you need, and make no mistake, you need energy, man. I don't care if your kids are five months old, five years old, or 15 years old, you need energy to be a leader in your own life, which then becomes a ripple effect of a leader in others lives. Whether your children have even moved out or not doesn't matter. Like this is a case of you are holding a high level of influence to those with runs on the board over time and history that you've established rapport and a relationship with respect. It might be variable, I don't know, it might have some variables. You might have a high level of respect off the back of the energy that you've showcased. You might have none, who knows? But ultimately that's something that comes down to your responsibility and ownership. There may be people out there that don't like me or don't like what I do or what I stand for, I'm not sure and I don't really care to be fair. But fuck, if they didn't respect me, they'd want to have a look at themselves first. Because you can't question what I've been doing, what I've been building and how we've been pushing this message forth and helping change other fathers lives and their families and create legacy for them. That's a fucking big thing. And it's not easy. You, you try helping and changing a middle aged man with decades of bad patterns and things where we all need to unfuck ourselves to a degree. But this is a very hard field, if you wanted to call it a field, some people call niches and I'm not into those fucking buzzwords and that sort of marketing. We're helping the middle aged man win the second half in life. That's a very, very hard thing to achieve and accomplish because I can't make you do it. It's got to come from you. So if you're lacking energy, you feel like you're lethargic, life is chaotic. The chaos and stress is drowning you in a sea of emotions and triggers where you feel like this is not the life that you chose or you wanted. And you don't have the control that you want. Because everyone wants control and certainty at least over themselves. If they don't have that, they seek that over others who are weaker or they can have higher influence over mainly your children, then you owe it to yourself to have a look at a couple of key things that you're saying yes to and what you're saying no to. If you're saying yes to eating that fucking donut, man, if you're saying yes to eating shit food, getting the travelers or the 4 and 20 pie at the servo, going to get McDonald's because you didn't get your shit together and plan your meals for the day. Because lunch can be pretty challenging at times. If you're on the road or out at work or you're busy. What you're saying no to is a man, a father, with a high level of energy to express who it is that he wants to be because he's fueling the body the right way and he's got his shit together in organizing and planning his nutrition and then executing on that nutrition. On the flip side, when you say yes to doing your meal prep, it's Sunday avo, you've got pretty cruisy weekend and you know that it's going to be a shitstorm come tomorrow, which will be the Monday or Monday, which will be the Tuesday, and so on and so forth. When you're saying yes to doing your meal prep and organizing and lining up your breakfast, your lunches, coordinating with your wife and communicating what you'll be doing with your dinners. Okay, what's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? What's the meat that we've got out? Cool. We're going to have rices, we're going to have pastas, we're going to have some spuds, potatoes. What are the veggies? Unreal. What are the marinades or sauces? Great, let's lock them in. Let's get a calendar. Let's put it into play. You're saying no to being a fucking slob. You're saying no to being a man who's going to act out of weakness because of the energy that he does not have, which leads to weak and poor decision making processes, which leads to weak leadership through not being the father and the man he should be. Because he's saying yes to dialing in what he needs to do to have a higher level of energy and organize his day so he doesn't have to think he's got more time and he's got the freedom and capacity to do what he wants because he's fueling his. Can you see the pattern here? When you're saying no to something, you're saying yes to something else. So when I say no to shit food and treats and products and all these packaged things, what I am saying yes to is self respect. What I am saying yes to is who I want to be, who I see myself as, which is an athlete. Even If I train three to four days a week, even if the sessions are 30 to 45 minutes, they're not hours long like they used to be with rugby league or with CrossFit. Doesn't matter. I am an athlete. My body is a temple. I look after it. Doesn't mean I'm a saint. I'm not perfect, but I know I'll keep getting better. I know I'll keep sharpening the axe. I know I'll keep dialing it in. I'm out to fucking hunt life. That's what I'm here for, man. I'm out hunting. Where can I improve? Where can I get the 1 percenters? Where can I get the micro commitments internally to then make the micro shifts externally in my actions that lead to the large rewards? I'm not here for home runs. We don't need that. You don't need that. When you're saying yes to exercise, what do you need to say yes to as well? See, this is the keystone, the cornerstone, the linchpin from which when everything else lines up, it's a given, it's a done man. So you say yes to exercise, no worries. What do I need to do then? Okay, well, what I'm saying yes to is getting my gear out, getting my training gear ready for the next day, saying yes to setting my alarm properly, saying yes to not watching TV or spending time on technology till 10:30, 11, 11:30 at night. So I wake up fucked. I'm saying yes to getting a night routine in place, setting up my gear. So when that alarm goes bang, I don't think, I just go, I've already won. Decision making process is gone. Nullified non negotiables we call them. Which means what you're saying no to is hitting the snooze button. What you're saying no to is another day of chaos and stress and not having any order in your life because by the time you get up, shit's hit the fan already with the kids or with the missus, or with work and you're late, or you've got projects or you got all this different stress inside of phones, phone ringing, phone calls. You go on social media just to distract you from react, which means all of a sudden you don't have your shit together at all. And before you know it, you're looking at tired eyes again in the rear view mirror and the reflection in your car which you think is your sanctuary, but your head is chaotic, full of bullshit and you're looking at these tired eyes and you can't avoid a second glance and you're just going, man, where the fuck is my life going? You feel like you've got no control, but all you've simply done is said no to having yourself organized and to either waking up and spending time out purely for you first before anyone else. I'm not saying waking up before AM, but spending time out for you, whether that is exercise or not, and investing yourself to organize the day ahead. See, this is a ripple effect when you're saying yes to the arguments that you're having with your wife and the triggers that are happening inside of your life because you don't have your shit together, because you're triggered emotionally because you know you don't have control. So you put up the wall, the guard, and the only thing you will control is the feelings off the back of the emotions that you have that are part of your subconscious because it's how you've conditioned yourself for your years. What you're saying no to is being a leader inside of the household and having that temperament nature to be the true hero that you can be for your children yourself. This is something where it leads to a breakdown and a compounding factor, whether you're the hero or not, whatever word you want to use to your children, your wife and yourself. That leads to breakdowns, where families, all of a sudden, the kids move out, bang, divorce, it's easy. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you'll just stay together and you'll hate yourself and your family and your life because of what it's become. And you may not use those words. You may convince yourself otherwise because the head's been buried in the sand for so long, or you're sweeping shit under the rug. But ultimately, saying yes to allowing those triggers to dictate who you are to then lead to arguments and breakdowns in the family means you're saying no to the opportunities. On the flip side, saying no, keeping you calm. You've had a good day at work, you've had a bad day at work, doesn't matter. You walk in the household, reset, realigned. You've made that nice transition and everything's going crazy. You are the white knight in shining armor, stepping into the household, setting the standard, the stage. I'm not saying being a pushover. I'm not saying being some powerhouse, beating your chest on the level man, control inside of yourself to diffuse any situations, to set a nice tone for the family and lead the energy of the house. When it comes to investing in yourself, when you say yes to investing in yourself, what you're doing is you're paying time, money, effort, energy, resources, attention, focus. Saying yes to that, which means you're saying no to stagnating. You're saying no to pulling down. You're saying no to becoming a lesser version of who you are. As time rolls through, you're saying no to the day running you to life, rolling through you because you're saying yes to becoming a better version of who you are. When you say no to specific opportunities, you're saying yes to what the most important thing is so it pays attention for you and your life to pay attention to what the most important thing is. Because the no that you've said to this opportunity that presents itself could be better than the current yeses that you're saying, like watching fucking Netflix or just rolling and coasting through a job that you hate or don't like. When you say yes to specific opportunities that might be pulling you away. I've got a lot of different opportunities, I've got a large skill set. But when I say yes to those, I'm saying no to rdm. I'm saying no to high performance fathers, I'm saying no to my life on what I actually truly desire and what the most important thing is, because there's a flashy object that can see steal my attention and my time and distract me for a period of time where ultimately I'll get the feel goods, I'll get the dopamine hits, I'll get the likes, and then I'll be back to square one. And I've lost that compounding effect of building this monster of an empire that I'm building. When you say yes to favors and people and certain social networks, certain environmental networks, which you're saying no to, is a different environment, a different set of people, a different set of standards or values. So make sure, mate, that you pay attention to your environment because that shapes your belief systems, that influences you, that chips away at you like water dropping on a stone, water dropping on rocks. After decades and decades, it is completely carved out a pathway. If those droplets of water that are hitting you on the fucking head, in your heart and in your actions are poison, make no mistake, you will not reach the opportunities that you have and you will not reach the potential and the legacy that you can have in your life. And then you'll blink. Bang. All of a sudden another 10 years is gone, you'll blink. Another 10 years gone, you'll blink. All of a sudden you're in the twilight years, months or days, and life's about to end. It's pretty crazy. Like when I, when I say this statement, and it can be confrontational, not in a conflicting way. I'm not here to have a conflict with anyone. But it's confrontational because it brings up the mirror. It's a pretty powerful thing. And replace the actions with whatever you want. But my statement is this, when you're lying back on your deathbed looking into your children and your grandchildren's eyes, you're going to be laying back thinking, fuck, I wish I watched more Netflix and drank more piss when I was younger, dammit. I wish I went out and fucking shagged more sheilas and just took more drugs. And I wish I spent time scrolling. I wish I scrolled through Facebook more instead of being present with my kids. I really do. Because I could have, I could have seen a cool little meme that made me laugh for three seconds while my children are looking at me and not feeling any connection or energy at all. I'm not here to be a smartass, mate. But when we hold up the mirror like that, it fucking baffles me to think that that cannot put you in a position where you pull your fucking head and go, wow, what am I doing? What am I spending my time on? And it's not easy. I'm not perfect. I've been limiting and pulling my technology time away from the kids and it's been amazing, you know, because the days seem so much longer and you're only bored if you're not engaging. You don't have the energy or the health or the capacity to handle your children yourself or to perform with the creativity to have new activities, exercise with the kids, anything, new adventures. It makes the days go longer. It's awesome. I don't have technology around my kids. I'm playing with them more, I'm doing more with them. They're looking into my eyes, I'm looking to theirs. They're feeling and sensing the energy, the leadership. That's such a powerful thing, man. It doesn't mean my kids don't have technology. They play with the iPad. I educate them on them. I want them to be tech savvy. Absolutely. I think there's a role for that in the world. Even if we are going to have the RDM ranch one day and we're going to pull away and get off the grid and reconnect with ourselves and have that as a membership basis for people to come away with fathers and families to reconnect with themselves, Technology plays a great role. Otherwise you wouldn't be here listening to this right now. It's got to be with the right purpose. Which means when you're saying yes to something, what's the purpose behind that? And what's the carryover effect in exploring and really getting clarity on what the yes means and what the no means and what those pathways entail and where they will take you. Just like when you're saying no to something, when I say yes to pulling my phantom out of pocket and I'm reading through or looking at my phone or jumping on social media, I'm saying no to my children when they're right there in front of me. That's what you're doing. Like, sugarcoat as much as you want, mate. I don't give a fuck. Like, that is exactly what you're doing. Make with that what you will, but that's the facts we want to work with facts yeah, there's feelings. Yeah, there's emotions. You want to work with facts. That's the fact. When I say no to technology, I'm saying yes to my children. When I'm at home in the household between 4pm and 8pm, when I say yes to a date with my wife and the date entails watching TV and sitting there silently together to catch up on a movie. I'm saying no to discovering what my wife's week's been like. I'm saying no to learning more about her, finding her interest, planning something together, doing an adventure together. Like, you need to look at the layers and the depth behind even doing things. Are you just going through the motions or do you have clarity on what that's going to represent or reward or result in when you follow through with that action or that experience? We call it honey and handsome time. Date night is a scam. It's like saying we all have 24 hours in the day means fuck all. People think date nights, okay, let's schedule him when we're gonna have sex. Like, that's. That's such low level bullshit. And I'm all for primal energies and all that sort of stuff. I'm not here to say you should chop your wiener off once you've had kids. But it's the truth, man. You must find and correlate the right words and terminology with what it is that you want and apply meaning to that. So there's purpose behind that that is going to help you follow through and commit to it. I hope this has been an enlightening episode for you and as confronting as it can be at times an excuse on a few of the extra swears than what I normally do, I'm actually not a huge swearer. But when I get passionate about these things, it's so important to recognize that when you're going through the motions, man, you don't even know what you're saying yes or no to. You don't even know what's possible on both ends of that. Because denying things can be a powerful thing. It keeps you focused, keeps you on point, keeps you on track with the most important thing. And I have a saying and most importance. It's a principle that we have inside of here. And most importance with an S, which obviously is not really a word, it's a word we've created. But most importance is this. The most important thing is finding out what the most important thing is and then underneath that, peeling back the layers. What is the most important outcome right now that I desire and Wish to achieve and have in my life. What are the most important actions that I must take to spearhead me towards that outcome that I desire? What's the most important shift in my current identity that's going to help me expand on my belief systems from the inside out and have clarity over the actions I must take and why I must take them to move me towards the outcomes that I desire. Very powerful, very simple. I want you to do this. Whether you're driving in the car, sitting at home, sitting at work, I want you to pull out a piece of paper and write this. The most important thing is finding out what the most important thing is and then draw a line under that. The most important outcome in my life that I want to move towards is. And you can break it down in your circles of significance, family, self, service. You can have three. The most important actions that will drive me towards the most important outcome in family is. The most important actions that will drive me towards the most important outcome in self is because you got to do you too, man. This isn't about just sacrificing, giving to the family. Give to them through giving to yourself so you're 100% for them. The most important actions to achieve the most important outcome in service is bang. Identity shift. What's the most important shift I need to make? Like saying I don't have time is such fucking bullshit. We've created a new challenge inside of RDM and I've cut my phone time down from 38 hours to 18 hours, more than half. What does that mean? That means I've got 20 hours to be more present with the kids, 20 hours to be more present with myself, 20 hours to focus on what I need to do. Like, this is a powerful thing. You come into RDM when you come into our programs, you get two to three hours a day back done easy. And you get high level of capacity and energy to handle the things that you've structured time around. So you do them faster and better as well. It's such an incredible shift that we see when you commit, take action, and like I said, you find out what the most important thing in your life is, is go through that exercise, Go through it as soon as possible right now, the next five minutes, the next 50 minutes. If you're on the road, driving somewhere, do that right now and get clarity. When you have clarity, you become someone who has more, more than he can offer, more that he can achieve, more of a vision, more purpose. These are things that drive us, man. Otherwise you're just pissing in the wind and drifting and floating through life. Not on your terms either. Hope you enjoyed this episode. Make sure you dive into some of those exercises and get through them right now. Do that right now. Just that one. That one key component. And from there, starting to build the yeses that you will apply in your life, the nos that you will apply and having clarity over what they mean and how this is going to help you evolve and move forward and moving forward the right way. So ultimately, not always. We're not always going to win, but we rise to win every single day. But to ultimately win the second half.