95. The Black Magic You Speak

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. This is your host, Al. In this episode we talk about black magic, the absolute power that words have and hold over you, and not so much those that are spoken by others, but more often than not the ones that you speak and think yourselves. Here's the crazy part. When I'm talking about thoughts and thinking, all of these are types of actions. When I talk about actions, I'm not talking about what you're physically doing, lifting a dumbbell or walking and whatn talking about the expression of energy. There are different types of actions, sure, which is why things like the law of attraction and all that sort of stuff, that's great, I'm all for it. There's absolute truth to it. But what it is ultimately is a starting point or an ignition of a low level form of action in the words you speak, the thoughts that you have, from which you must back up with a lot of other real actions, a lot of other physical actions to move forward in your life and claim that you can't just think, I want a Lamborghini. It pops up. But here's the kicker, because today's episode is talking about the actual power and value of that to be wary of in a detrimental way. When you're just thinking and desiring and dreaming and fantasizing all those sorts of bits and pieces, that's all cool, good for you. Unfortunately, that's still not going to become your reality and carve out the pathway necessary. But the way that we're wired and have been wired for, I guess it's arguable, but you know, hundreds of thousands to possibly millions of years depending on when the last bone they dug up was and what it's dated to be and what they'll allow us to know. We've been around for a long time. Ultimately, there's a lot in our DNA, how we operate, how we process things autonomously. So bottom up, top down, top down is your active engagement. So your consciousness, how you're thinking, how you're feeling, what you're doing actively present in the now, bottom up or bottoms up is ultimately working through your basal ganglia, which is a big golf ball at the bottom of your brain, which turns a lot of the things that you've actively or passively been engaged with in the now to become autonomous. This is why championship habits and building the right habits and systems are key. But knowing what you're building, actively engaged is the key here. And when I'm talking about this, I'm talking about being goal oriented, being Driven, focused. Where do you apply your attention? Removing sedation, distraction. You'll get a feel for me. When you're going through all the podcasts, especially a lot of the latest ones that, yeah, look, none of us have time to fuck around. So let's be clear on what the most important thing is. Let's dial that in and let's make sure what we're doing is rewiring that basal ganglia to kick in and build the autonomy in our life that serves us, that we want, that we feel, that we choose. Well, that's all well and true, Al. That's some great things for some of those science lessons, but what's the actual point of what you're saying? My point is simply this. When you are carving out your neural pathways through the thoughts, but not necessarily the thoughts, but they do play a role, 100%. But in today's episode, Black Magic, in our words, the words that you speak, you are actively and passively, regardless of whether you're aware of it or not, using those words and the now to carve out your belief systems, your behavior, so how you mentally turn up your mental approach to anything and everything, the habits that are formed off the back of planting those seeds, and ultimately your perceptions, how you choose to see the world. This is pretty crazy. And if we're going to dial this into examples where someone is taking the extreme of a line of victimhood, that bod just is what it is. This is what happens as you get older. Why me? I always get, you know, I'm always unlucky. This always happens to me. There's always something, right? Those words, man, you've got to be so careful because you are carving out a fucking acceptance that that is exactly how it should be. Now, if that's something, that's great, awesome, good for you. You should never have expectations over the outcome because an expectation over an outcome quickly becomes an assumption. That's a dangerous path to walk. But what you can absolutely have is an expectation of your standards, an expectation of your standards, an expectation over how you stand up and carry yourself forward as a real man in this world, a real man who's a father. Like, that's. And I've got nothing against guys who aren't fathers, but a real man in this world is a fucking father who leads the family. The end. And I'm sorry if someone disagrees or if there's a father listening to this awesome, mate. I'm not saying you're not a man, but this is the world in which your offspring, your Legacy, the fruit of your loins. What you're passing down not just through your actions, but through the words you speak ultimately can be black magic or white magic. Black magic, like when we're talking, and that's a term that was coined with voodoo or dark side, all that sort of stuff, right? Nothing to do with color. It's the terminology of how you interpret ultimately the negativity inside of your life, moving towards the light, so to speak, being the opposite day and night. It's not that they're good or bad, it's finding what serves you. Your black magic though, and what you apply to yourself. Guess who else you're applying that to? You're applying that to your children, man, you don't even know it. On the flip side, this can bring a light towards the driven nature that's inside of our children, right? They're explorers, they experiment, they go out, they seek and search the world and discover what works, what doesn't. Like they're constantly experimenting. It's a beautiful thing, man. We can learn so much from our children through watching them. Hard part is the magic. When I'm talking about black magic, your words can crush not just their belief systems, but their ability to act. Sit on that for a second and let that sink in. Let that sink in whilst you're looking at the compounding effects of doing that to your 4 year old, your 7 year old, your 11 year old, your 17 year old, 23 year old, and that seed that you're embedding. Because they hold you, maybe not all the time, or maybe not forever, maybe it changes, right, if you don't keep leading. But they definitely, at some stage or stages of their life, hold you in the highest regard. And your word is gospel, man, to them. It really is hardest part to realize though, when you're doing this, is that you're doing it. And the even harder part is to look in the fucking mirror and go, hey, wow, if I'm doing this to them, what am I doing to myself? Where has this come from? Why is this me? Why am I doing these sorts of actions? And what purpose do they actually serve? Sometimes when I talk about asking better quality questions, a better quality question is just diving straight to the fucking point, man, and straight to the truth. Why am I talking myself down to saying this always happens to me? I say, and yeah, he's a good man, but my father in law, we call them Steve Isms, yeah, he's the guy who's always worried and concerned about losing his credit card. I've never Seen anyone more in my life who's lost their credit card more and had more fraudulent activities on their credit card? I think getting called up by the bank saying, did you just purchase X, Y and Z for $5,000 in Hong Kong? And it cracks me up, man. It fucking cracks me up so much because of the words he speaks and because of the thoughts he has. They are both intertwined. That guy, man, he puts that black magic on himself. It's hilarious. Like, you know, obviously I don't wish hardships on him or anyone, but fuck, man, it's funny. It's the truth. You want to talk about Law of Attraction. You want to talk about how specific it actually is and how much it really, really works. It works so much more powerfully on the negative side because it's how we're naturally wired and geared, even through the basal ganglia part of our brain that leads towards the fight or flight response for survival, which always airs on the caution of being cynical or critical or being aware in that state of I need to survive. And I know it's a very general approach when talking about, well, you know, they needed to use that in case there were other hunting parties or there was a saber tooth hiding in the fucking bushes or whatever it may be like. That's the truth, though. Snakes, spiders, anything. Like, there was a pure element of survival, whatever it takes to win. And winning in those days was survival and rewiring the brain or wiring the brain to have those patterns, instincts, intrinsic nature, nuances, whatever you want to call it, to not die. Right. And a large part of not dying is seeing the negative or the possibilities or the alternatives in everything that's still a part of us. And look, make no mistake, that holds some value and some truth to us. Do we need to tap into it when we're walking down the street and there's a bus coming past? Well, almost certainly not. I mean, we're wired in a way where the subtleties and the desensitization can come into play. Or it's something. It's a common environment you're used to seeing. It's why someone who might walk rope from one building to another as some sort of art performing, you know, gymnast slash circus act. Yeah, he might be scared for the first 10, 20, 50, 100 times, and then he's all good. Just like someone who jumps out of a bloody flying plane with a parachute and it's not open yet. The first 20, 30, 50 times would be crazy. And I'm sure they still get those feelings. But the feelings are different. Just like me when I was playing rugby league, I always had those feelings. But my pathway and understanding and how I connected to them changed over time as I became experienced and desensitized to them. This is the crazy part, man. Your body has a level of autonomy. It has its own. It's a book, Biology, Belief by Bruce Lipton. Fucking phenomenal bloke. He's probably, you know, I'd say he spearheaded epigenetic science and stem cells and whatnot. But it's incredible to see the perceptions and consciousness of every single cell in your body. It's why the hair stands up when you're out in the cold. You're not telling your hair to do that. Pull it back to my point of this entire episode when I'm talking about building autonomy in your life. The black magic in the words you speak, man, can fucking crush you and your family and you probably don't even realize it. So next time when someone cuts you off or you spill your coffee, the kids are playing up, or you're getting late to work, or you can't get your shit together, or hit the snooze button and you forgot you even hit it and you wake up, don't get so down in yourself. Don't reinforce the bad shit. Don't reinforce what you've tolerated, what you've accepted as a low level standards. Do something about changing it and reinforce a positive chain of action to then improve your life. You need, and there's a habit cycle for sure with this. You need to do things in the right order. Otherwise doesn't matter how good your intentions are or how good the habit is. Your day will be fucking chaotic, man. You need the right behavior, how you're turning up, your mental approach, your attitude towards it. You need the right level of reps, frequency. You need the right patterns, which is frequency, type of reps, the right ones. The whole 10,000 hour rule to master. If you're shit at golf and you keep hitting the ball the same fucking way and you keep having a shit drive off the tee, doesn't matter if you do that for 10,000 hours, mate, still going to be bad, right? The right frequency, the right patterns, and then a belief system that reinforces that is your habit is autonomous. The exact same thing applies to your life. Just sit on that for a second. The exact same thing applies to your life through the words that you speak. What's the order and the chain of command in which you're delivering words to yourself when something happens, Good, bad and the ugly, what's your mental attitude, your approach and behavior towards that. So when you're speaking these words, what is immediately reinforced or previously reinforced through your mind, your thoughts, your belief systems? How frequently are you doing this? Like, are you the happy go lucky dad who just hides behind humor as a facade? And the bullshit that so many dads do to hide away all the pain and all the chaos that's in your life and you're falling apart, and that's something that you're doing frequently. So that is a pattern of yours. Put on the face, put on the happy smile. She'll be right, mate. And what is an acceptance of a belief system, of a behavior in who you are that's turning up as the man you currently are and continue to be? Because even if it's something that's great, you can still pull yourself down. And this is the crazy part, and I'll talk about this in another episode with the Revolving Door of Decisions. It's a pearler because it's so true. But we do it to ourselves where we can use God. For example, you get a birdie, right? You're not a great golfer, but you just hit a birdie. All of a sudden, you know, every dog has its day. It's about time I bloody got one in. You know, I've heard sayings that I don't even know why they apply because we live in Australia. But you know, even a blind squirrel gets an acorn every now and then. That's it. I laughed when I heard that, man. I laughed. I can't remember where I heard it. I was like it. Oh, hey, that's the shot. Do something great. That's above and beyond what you normally do is you stand and put yourself right back down. This is the problem, guys. This is what I'm talking about when I talk about in a lot of my pieces, Tall Poppy syndrome, tall popping yourself and self sabotage. Your words are black magic, man. When you're talking in negative light, they can be the deepest and darkest magic that pulls you down into possibilities or down and away from possibilities and a pathway that you don't even fucking know exists. You don't even know what's possible. I talk about the RDM ranch having a place where fathers and families will connect and get off the grid. And this is what we're going to build. This is what we'll do. It'll be amazing membership program. It's not a fucking Bali retreat where you pray and connect with your Zen and have coconut slushies and then you go home after A week. You spend a week trying to untie knots that you've put together for years just so your rope's straight again. No, no, it doesn't work that way. That's not how I'm going to work. And I've got nothing against those people. That's their pathway. That's what they want to run. Awesome. For me, I'm about depth, real depth and real connection. Why wouldn't I try and have a ranch in every state in the country and take RDM Global? You know, I'd be happy if I just have one year. Because it's a big job and this and that. Like, you don't even know. It doesn't even have to be negative, mate. The talk that you pull yourself down into doesn't even have to be negative. If it's not positive, it's not reinforcing. If it's not challenging you to grow, it's not building you into the next stage of evolution. That to me is a line of negativity. Why? Because why would you settle? Like, why not? Why not have a crack at life? If you're in the midway point and the average age is 82, you got a couple hundred thousand hours left, man, that's it, you're done. Like, how does that sit with you? How does that make you feel? You know, if you got a thousand minutes a day, right? You divide that by 60, convert into hours. Awesome. Times up by how many days there are in a year. Times it by how many years? If you live for the next 40 years, assuming that you're going to live for 40 years, you might die in 10 years, you might live to be 90. Also not taking into account the quality, which is probably the biggest thing, really. How much time do you think you have? And you're drifting and fucking wasting. Wasting so much time, man. Speaking bullshit that doesn't serve anyone. Why? Because you're afraid to grow. Like, here's the thing, when it comes to black magic and talking words and talking, speaking and all this sort of shit that you pull yourself away from, in the greatest version, you can be one. Let's get clear on the alternative, right? Let's. Let's get crystal clear on that. And then from there, map out what will happen. You tell me, like, what's the alternative? What will happen if you don't change? What will happen if you keep talking shit about yourself to yourself and you keep reinforcing it with your thoughts, which then becomes your actions, which then becomes your habits and your destiny? Like, what is the worst case Scenario. And don't sugarcoat it. Don't bury your head in the sand. Don't sweep it under the rug. Get it right out there, bring it up to the mirror. Well, this is what will happen in my life, Al. Like, I know I'm not going to die tomorrow, but this is what will happen with my relationship. Yeah, things are good with a wife, but I, you know. Yeah, but this happens. And people lie every fucking day when they don't constantly explore how they can improve themselves in life. Because the excuses that you use today will be the reasons why you didn't tomorrow. And what you're planting right now in that seed of black magic and pulling yourself down with the words you speak is going to be the reason why in 10 years time you'll be going, oh, it's bullshit, mate. You know, we got divorce and the court system's a fucking joke, you know, because it's all geared towards and biased towards the female and, you know, we just don't get a fair run and blah, blah, blah. And you know, this is just. This sucks. And I've lost everything and I work so hard and work me ass off and, you know, I just don't have the energy anymore. Me back's. And it's just. This is bullshit, man. And well, I get that. And there are things we can't control, fellas. Absolutely. And we know the court system's fucked in many ways, but let's peel it back 10 years. Maybe if you got your fucking shit together. Because you're a liar right now, you are a liar. If you're acting like a victim and bringing excuses and bullshit to light, you are a liar. Because why don't we peel it back 10 years and have a look at your fucking life when you're sitting all day with your office job getting a gut, you didn't stretch out your hip flexors which slowly was grinding the discs in your back which fucked your back. And you could have very easily implemented a training regime and stretched two times a week, as well as establish the right level of energy through the food that you eat so you can be a better fucking man and reconnect with your wife the right way. So you stay married, so you still have your house, you still have all your fucking money, you still have your health. And in 10 years time say, hey, Al, this is fucking amazing, mate. This is my life, I've turned it all around. How about we explore that avenue and that path? Because this is the crazy part, man, the words that you are speaking becomes the lies of Tomorrow and the next day and the next year and the next decade of why you didn't, and falling into that victimhood nature, that it was out of your hands. Bullshit. It was always in control of you. It was always in your hands. It was always in your control. You will always be able to control yourself. How you think, how you feel, and then the actions you can plan from that. So when people start pulling themselves down with this slow and subtle negative talk, whether it started as a teenager, 25, a traumatic experience at 31, 43, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter when it happens, people who do that. I can't fucking have you in my circle, man. Like, I don't want you in my life. I'm sorry. I don't need you to plant that shit inside my head. You know, I've got the capacity for it. I've got the shell. You know, I talk to fathers every day who are struggling and help move them forward on their path. I've got the ability to connect. I'm empathetic. I'm a loving man. Absolutely. But I'm not bringing that shit in my life. Why? That's always my point. You know, you do it once. Okay, fair enough. I'm not saying trauma doesn't exist and we should just dance around it, you know, Dance around a fire, singing Kumbaya, holding pinkies. Yes, shit happens. Yes, I try and overcome the times when I get sat on my ass. And when it happens, I work through it naturally. I'm not robotic. I experience emotions just like all of you. I get it. And you should, you should never suppress that. But if the same thing happens again and again and you're going through the same Bullshit on the 5th time, the 7th time, 23rd time, the 40th time, shouldn't you just probably sit back and go, wow, this is the same fucking thing. What's the point? What am I actually doing? You're creating a vicious cycle, man. First time, okay. Second time, all right. Fourth time, okay. Yep. All right. You're going through it. Do we have a. Do we have a due date? Is something going to happen here? I mean, I know, I understand this is. The trauma varies, but this is something that's, that's, you know, going on for four weeks now or four years or 14 years. Okay, I'll get it, mate. Like, he's still bitter and resentful, you know, over your ex business partner 10 years ago. Like, mate, move on, you know, or an old relationship, like, how is that serving you when you hold on to it for so long. This is the problem. You haven't forgiven yourself. People think that they hold shit towards other people. You think you're inside their head. They might not even be thinking about you, but guess what? They're on your mind, aren't they? The fundamental to all of this is you haven't given yourself permission to move on. You haven't forgiven yourself. Have a think about that for a second. The negative talk, the pulling yourself down, the bullshit that you put yourself into, the black magic that you put yourself under your spells. You're putting yourself under your own spell. You are tall popping yourself, man, because you haven't forgiven yourself for something. You're not giving yourself permission to fly, to open up, to expand and become more. That's the alternative. So let's now explore. Okay, well, worst case scenario, let's look. I do something, I take action, all right? I speak the right words. I reinforce that. I get my mantras, my affirmations, whatever it may be. I write, I speak. I think. Yeah. Our amazing, amazing 8, one of our principles that we have, you know, for high performance fathers like this. This is what we need to do. We need to think it, feel it, write it, read it, speak it, believe it, behave it, like, act it, you know, then reinforce it. This is something that, where reps are critical, worst case scenario, all right, I'll start talking positive to lead to myself. I start making positive plans and I back that up with positive commitments and actions. The keystone for me, the one big thing or habit I want to change is, you know, I want to start training. Awesome. Let's make it three days a week. No worries. What are all the little habits that we need to build around it? Well, I need to reinforce that I am going to do it in a positive way and I need to visualize the outcome and how I feel afterwards. I need to get my training gear near the front door so in the morning I'm not chaotic and running around stressed. I need to make sure I'm setting an alarm, going to bed this time, not scrolling through fucking Facebook till 11pm I need to set an alarm and put the alarm or the clock or the phone somewhere away from me. So I have to get out of bed to at least hit the snooze button. And I'm already up, so I may as well get after it. I. I need to take my RDM mojo. If that's something you guys take. I take it, obviously, every morning before I train. And then I need to make sure that I'm committed to a regime that I'm going to do and I've got my regime and I execute. Awesome. All those 15 to 20 little things will take like 10 to 50 seconds. And all of them are micro commitments and reinforcements. Positively through the words you speak, through the thoughts you have and the belief systems that are going to lead to that keystone of executing and completing a training session. It's not that hard, man. Like, you don't need the home runs. I don't go for them anymore. I used to. I love. I look back over what we do, the new platform we have, everything we're building micro, it looks like. It almost looks like you're going nowhere. And then I check that high performance journal that I've got, the high performance father, the championship journal that I've created and I go through. I look back over the month, I'm like, fucking hell. I've done a lot, man, but I've just focused on the most important thing. I've backed it up with action. I've reinforced it with the right type of magic. Not black magic. Not pulling myself down, not tall, popping myself by backing myself and taking that action. So what's the worst case scenario? What I just explained then, what is the worst case scenario that you do? All of it. You wake up feeling tired. You do a training session and it feels like shit compared to when you were an athlete 20 years ago. You know you're a little bit behind with work because you spend an extra 10 minutes in the shower or cooling down or stretching. Like, has it moved you forward from the version you were yesterday? It's a fucking win, man. Worst case scenario. Okay, I'll do it. What else will happen? Like, you have won. You are moving forward and winning and then backing that up with your words, the words you speak and those affirmations that you're telling and believing inside of yourself is going to move you away from the version that you currently are. It's going to cut the deadwood. Best case scenario. Well, fucking bang, mate. Grab with two hands and you fly. I hope this has been a great episode for you guys in really exploring. I want you to have a think about this as we wrap up. Really exploring. One, where you currently are in fucking yourself up and two, how you can get out of your own way and how you can get out of your own head. Because you got to be careful, man. Like, this is why the tribe, what I do, the coaching is the key because when you are alone and isolated, you are keeping your own company. And if you don't like the company, you keep and you're only going to lead to a lesser version and a dangerous, dark path into the woods where you won't come out alive. Be careful the company you keep, mate, even if that means your own company. Because if you're not happy with where you are, why would you listen to that person? If you want to expand and change your life, why would you follow through on the principles and the habits that you're currently executing on, through the version you're not happy with? And then have a look at some of the great things, really celebrate, you should celebrate and celebrate often. What are some of the great things that I've done? And it could be anything. You know, at the time of doing this, two of my kids have ear infections, One of my kids been out of hospital, wife's having an operation today, one of my kids is having an operation next week. You know, like, there's always going to be a level of chaos and stress, but I don't sit back and go, ah, there's always something to throw my hands up in the air. What I do is I go, okay, yeah, there's always going to be hurdles. I welcome the hurdles because I know I'm going to jump them. And I know on the other side of that hurdle is an even better version of al. So when the challenge comes, I mean it face on and I double down. Like, I've done way more. I've done way more this week with less time for rdm, for our systems, for our evolution, for high performance father. Like, it's incredible, man, when you focus and triple down on your strengths, what you can do. I was up at 4 o' clock this morning in the gym training my time. This is you time now. I'm serving you celebrate and celebrate often. My victory so far already took my night rider got to bed on time, woke up several times throughout the night, helping with the kids, supported the wife, went back to sleep, got up with my alarm, had all my gear together, went and trained. Phenomenal training session. Cut back the volume a little bit, but still executed on an amazing session. Had a shower, reflected, put on my gear, rocking my fucking rdm. My I don't know what color this is. Like a maroon shirt. I thought I'd go for the bloody the Queenslanders bastards. I gotta be a blue supporter. Come on. I was born and raised, hopped in the car, came to RDM hq, add my protein shake. Doing this podcast. I'm flying. I've got 10 victories already. Filled in my high performance father championship journal. I'm set, I'm Done. Beautiful. They are all victories. 10 victories straight away, man. It's not even 8 o' clock in the morning. You know, like this, this, this is how you reinforce who you are and give yourself a pat on the back. If you're going to give yourself for the tough times that you create with yourself. If you're going to give yourself shit for the lesser options, the weaker choices. You're not a weak man, but you make weak choices. You know, we all have the opportunity to change the possibility for change. But if you're going to give yourself shit for the standards, what you tolerate and the things you do that you're not proud of, make sure you give yourself a big fucking pat on the back, mate. For when you rise up and do something good and then turn that good into great. And then fucking keep great. Keep great as your standard, keep that as your baseline and continue to grow because you owe it to yourself. Forgive yourself by releasing those who create havoc and chaos in your life and give yourself permission to win. Two of the best ways to do that is speaking the right kind of magic, speaking the right words and reinforcing those thoughts and then reinforcing with words and then backing it up with your thoughts and beliefs and then reinforcing it with words and then speaking it again. And then you know what? Fucking back that up with the words you speak, with the actions that will follow. And I promise you, mate, you will change. You will notice an energetic shift inside of you. You will absolutely. It's got nothing to do with, you know. Well, maybe it does, but I'm not here talking about chakras or spirituality. What I'm talking about, you will literally have an energetic shift. I'm telling you, man, it is magic. Everything is energy. It is all energy. My question to you is, what wavelength are you operating at? What frequency are you on? Because one thing we must always do is take fucking ownership over that. That's for sure. Take care. Have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend. I hope you enjoyed this and tune in for another episode soon. When we talk about the revolving door of decision when it comes to ultimately disregarding. And this is really piggybacking off this episode as well in another episode and moving forward in accepting, taking in, promoting and allowing influence in the right way and what you take in, what you reject, what you keep and what you hold on to. Hence the revolving door of the decisions that you make that can help you move forward and win the second half.