Episode 114: Hack your sex life with Sex Hacker Kenneth Play

Sex is the life force energy that runs through us all. Can you use sexual energy for your spiritual evolution or perhaps for emotional healing? Is it even possible? Clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tar Lee will explore all these and more on Eros Evolution on Ohm Times Radio.

Hello, hello and welcome to Eros Evolution. This is where sexuality and spirituality meet. I'm Marta. I'm a clinical sexologist based in Singapore and I'm from Eros Coaching. That's right. And this show is going to be exciting because I have somebody that I've been looking forward to interviewing for a really long time and his name is Kenneth Play. Well, he calls himself Kenneth Play and that's the reason why he calls himself dad because he runs play labs. So today's show title is Hack youk Sex Life with Sex Hacker Kenneth Clay. And he has private play labs which are hands on sex coaching intensives. And he's been receiving a lot of media attention around the world. And after following his work for a while, he helps couples with everything from squirting, kink and communication. On this show, Kenneth will share how he thinks play by play. Sex coaching is the most effective way to help couples experience new pleasure, overcome challenges and master new techniques. He is an international sex hacker, expert educator and a former top fitness professional, private celebrity fitness and sex ed coach. As a sex hacker, he develops and teaches hacks to help people learn new ways to play and overcome challenges in the bedroom. With his accelerated learning approach and playful teaching style, he helps people gain sexual confidence, experience more pleasure and cultivate greater intimacy in record times. We all want to be really effective in this day and age because we're really busy. So his teaching style has been described as a combination of Tim Ferriss, Martha Stewart and Bruce Lee. And he co founded the globally recognized intentional sex positive community, Cassandra Villa. And he's teamed up with Dr. Zen. I can't pronounce her name. To work on the sexual. Yes, go on, Dr. Zana.

Yep.

Okay, never mind. We'll come to her name later to work on the casual sex project. So he's working on the casual sex project with this doctor whose name I cannot pronounce. And he's been a featured presenter for the Sexual Health Expo and New York University. And his project has been featured in Playboy, New York Magazine, the Huffington Post, Trillist, Refinery29 and Cosmopolitan. He has developed his life to empowering people through sex education, radical sexual self expression and community building. His mission is to bring hands on sex education accessible to the mainstream audience. And you can find kenneth@kennethplay.com welcome, Kenneth.

Thank you for having me on. You said it like I wrote it. Thank you.

I'm so sorry I called.

No, no, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, no, no, no. He has delay by any chance? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I don't know what I can do about it. Okay, we just have to wing it. Well, it's always live and it's always a challenge. Okay, so tell us more about how you got into sex hacking.

I, you know, I grew up with a lot of sexual insecurity. I think being an Asian American, you know, growing up as an immigrant and also Asian male sexuality, being so underrepresented in the usa, I always felt invisible, shy, insecure. And I don't know how I actually end up being a sex educator and a, you know, be a part of the community. But that was an area that I really want to change in my life. How do I change my sex life? And I was lucky in the fitness industry. I learned how to change my body, how to change my fitness life. And I didn't know it was possible to kind of like hack your way to a better sex life. And things didn't really change until I found a sex positive community in New York. And then everything kind of just clicked. So I got to learn from, you know, world class sex educator. Also, people who go to a sex party have some amazing things. It's like evidence based learning. You get to see someone doing something amazing and it works. And I get to learn from them and from tantra teachers to, you know, kink experts. So I was really fortunate to receive education that was very hands on and very live. And because of my fitness background, I always want to apply what work in the fitness industry into sex education as well. So all this kind of, you know, happen at the same time. And my business partner Andrew Sparkspire, who is the founder of Hacienda, wanted to build this sex positive intention community. And that was the time that when my fitness career I was failing, I had to start up. And when we have to end that project, I was kind of lost in my life and, and I decided to try this out. And then it turned out to be something that is really magical. So very grateful for all the help that I received along the way.

Wonderful. And it does seem that you making this really good, I mean, you're creating really amazing work. I've been following your work for a while, so tell us more because I wasn't clear, like I knew you were putting out really good work. I Didn't know you were running these private play labs. Could you tell us more what happens during one of these labs?

The play labs are sort of, you know, like education design. So I believe in the experiential learning model. Right. Which is, you know, how you teach in fitness or how to improve any skill. So it's broken down into three parts. So 25% in the beginning is sort of a lecture like TED talk where people get all the intellectual understanding and this very infotainment, you know, persuasive kind of, you know, delivering the right intellectual understanding of the topic. And then I do a 25% live demo with my partner or demo model. So just say if I'm talking about squirting female ejaculation, I will put out all the research from Dr. Janna on all the available signs on squirting and educating some of the basic from the TED talk and then do a live demo. So my student gets to watch then their idea of a play lab is that it's like teaching like a yoga class where people get to practice those skills, live with their own partners. So it's like teaching someone how to ride a bike. They do have to get on a bike and they have to learn it, but once they learn how to ride a bike, they cannot forget it. So I want to create a comfortable environment where people actually get to try out and learn those skills in a group setting.

That's really amazing. So 25% lecture like in the front with the explanation, then you have 25% live demo. The remaining 50% is the try what you have learned kind of approach.

Yeah, and I think it's really important when it comes to like sex education that you have a space where is devoted for learning. You know, there's like, you know, there's the learning zone and the performance zone. So the learning zone is that is a space where you can make mistake and learn and not in this high stake pressure process. And then performance is that you are doing the things that you already competent at. And in sex, sometimes we don't have the idea of having a lab or having a time dedicated to be playful and in a space of learning. So I want to engineer a, a time where it's very intentional to practice a skill and have deliberate practice on a certain thing so you don't feel the pressure to perform and doing it right. I always tell my student I want you to get it on your 10th try on any skill. But most of the time they get it on their third or their fourth, you know, and they Feel very good. But if they fail in sex, if they feel like they fail to do it the first time, then they feel like a loser or they feel like they're incompetent. There's too much ego at stake. So that's where the idea of having a lab really comes from.

Yeah, it's really good to be in that kind of space and be really encouraging because I do find that I get my clients coming in and saying things like, oh, I'm a loser because I couldn't get it. Other people seem to make it really easy. I look at the porn stars and it seems to be really easy for them. Therefore, I must be not good at sex. So I get what you mean about the need to try something three or four times and then get a hang of things and things get easier for people.

And the other side is from the fitness industry, like teaching people how to do a squat or deadlift or push up. You know, you want to give them live feedback as they do it, which is, you know, we don't do that in sex. So I wanted to try to make it normal that people get coaching and support while the things are happening. You want to teach the skill while the skill is being performed, not before, as a concept, you know. So I think the live feedback is the best form of learning for me personally, too. I learn best when I have a. When I have a coach, you know, So I wanted to.

So I'm very curious how. Yeah, I really can see the value in that. I'm really curious how people react to the need to, I guess, be so vulnerable in that space. How do you make sure that that space is safe?

So I practice and promote enthusiastic consent. So first thing is that my classes is pay what you can model. So people are like, you know, pay what they can. Have a suggested donation. And also I'm happy to give people's money back if they don't feel like it's worth their time. So it takes out all the financial pressure. They could leave at any time if they feel uncomfortable. They don't have to do anything they don't want to do. And I tell them not to peel pressure each other as a partner. So they have in this space where they have complete agency over whether they want to do something or not, and they're encouraged to practice what they want to practice. So that's the first thing that they are feeling safe from the space that I'm creating in the play lab. The second thing is that I want to take out as much anxiety for sex as Possible. And you, I mean, when you coach your client, it's the same thing. Anxiety is probably the number one killer, right? So I don't want them to be anxious. I want them to be able to learn from their mistake and celebrate mistakes. And it's like everything is a learning experience. And it's also the format of the class because the first 25% is a lecture. So there's nothing really like threatening about listening to a lecture. And then they watch me do it first. So I'm being vulnerable, I'm being half naked. And we're doing the showing the skill. And then they're encouraged to stay depressed if they want to and they could leave at any time. So. But I was very surprised. I didn't know if this model could work. I used to teach this only at like a swinger convention.

So.

I learned to do it, you know, like at a Bushwick, you know, in Bushwick. And it's happening, so it's amazing.

Great. Okay, so more with kenner play after this break.

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Welcome back to Eros Evolution. This is where sexuality and spirituality meets. We are with Kenneth Play who is an international sex hacking expert and sex educator. He's a former top fitness professional and private celebrity fitness and of course sex ed coach. And he's been in many projects and been featured in the media for his work on his private play labs. So tell us more. Kenneth, you said that in your website that your mission is to help sex ed be as accessible as porn. And I understand that you charge about the range of $1,000 for your play labs. So how does that you feel fit into that mission of making sex ed accessible?

So their private one on one play lab, which I devote like three to four hours per typical private play lab to my client, is what I charge the most, which is at a thousand dol. That enables me to give away a lot of my content for free online. Plus also I do my hoop classes at a pay what you can model. So it has a suggested donation of $69 per play lab. But private one on one is where time I don't have infinite amount. Right. But my education to leverage the technology Internet, I could give away for as you know, make most of it for free. So it's a combination of doing those two things. So thank you to my very amazing client who could afford and who could empower me to do more work for the general public.

That's wonderful. That's a really great model to do. And it's always a challenge for us as educators to find something that allows us to continue doing the work that we do and yet at the same time get paid. So I'm really happy for you that this model works for you.

Yeah. Thanks to my client.

Yeah. So, you know, we've heard in recent years people who use terms like hack, you know, like hack your life and hack this and hack that. So you call yourself a sex hacker. How do you feel? You know, the things that you teach specifically can help people improve their sex life and to build new skills.

You know, my definition of hacking is that not just accepting the default program that comes with your computer and phone, and it's not. It's also bringing really simple, elegant solutions to complex problems. Right. So I look at Tantra and Kink as hacks as well. Like Tantra is an amazing practice that help people engage in their experience, to focus on their sensation, to connect with their partner, to connect with their spirituality. So to me is that people have spent so much time to make something so challenging in some way and with this elegant, simple solution. Same thing with kinksters. When they are creating a scene, it creates this amazing experience of arousal where you can live out your fantasy, where you get to feel a very high intense sensation that is pleasurable for you and it taps into all your biological system. Where you have this delicious amount of neurochemical flowing through your body that you feel high, a natural high from your sex. So to me all those things are hacks and I like to collect the best of the best hack that is available and then kind of introduce those hacks to my audience. And on the Bruce Lee side, don't particularly subscribe to any style. So I don't believe in any school is better than the other. To me it's like collect a bunch of usual stuff and share with people that I could reach.

I really like a lot of the things that you are saying. And of all the things that you teach, you mentioned Tanja Kink. Which ones are you most passionate about?

I've been teaching a lot of female ejaculation and squirting. It's been. I did it for Playboy tv, it's been featured quite a bit and I have a bunch of free video clips online that I give out so people can watch me on Pondhub or I will host it on my private server too because I know Punhab is not accessible to every country. But female ejaculation, ironically enough, is that I don't teach it like a potty trick called the ultimate Female Orgasm. That's one of the reasons I partner up with Dr. Janna where she could provide me with the latest research and the most accurate science out there. So I could demystify and debunk some of the myth about squirting but also share in this very practical how to apply those, how to stimulate the G spot, what, what sensation that will create this phenomenon. And when it comes to sex, I think people need to find what's pleasurable for them. So it's just one of the things that people get to try.

That's really great. Do you have any intention to do any other new projects? You already have videos, you have classes? I don't know. How about books? Are you planning to do any upcoming exciting projects?

There's a couple of new projects that I'm working on. I'm creating digital play labs so people could basically receive my play labs online where I do all the TED Talk lecture on there. I do all the demonstration and then give them exercise on how to try those things. Like how I teach it in a class and I've been teaching those play lab quite often that I know some of their exercise structure that works. It's actually very similar to fitness with exercise progression. You kind of teach one skill at a time. So I want to be able to offer that online so I could reach More people. And then same thing with my online product. My goal is to put the product out that people could purchase. But for the people who want the information and cannot afford it, they could email me and then I could send to people who cannot afford the price that I ask for. My goal as an educator, and I think you might identify with that as well, is to reach as many people as possible. I don't think holding back knowledge is the way to go. So the more I get to educate, the better. So I'd rather my content reach 100 million people than to reach a thousand people. You know.

That'S really fantastic. So you mentioned earlier that you had a lot of body image issues growing up being Asian. Do you feel that you getting discriminated or some stereotypes that you have to work through as an Asian male sex educator?

I mean, absolutely. Especially being an Asian male. Penis size always been like the butt of the joke, right? And then you also have this narrative growing up in the US that if you don't have a porn star cock, meaning have a way above average cock, that your penis is not good enough and you cannot satisfy a woman. So growing up with those sexual shame and learning how to overcome it. And it's not overcoming in the sense that the average cock is like, oh, you poor thing, you have an average sized penis and therefore you have to work extra hard at it. It's more like having people understand that the cock that they have is the most beautiful cock they have and they will they deserve sexual pleasure. And it's about finding their compatible partner that will enjoy your cock. There is people who really don't enjoy having a gigantic penis and there's Ice Queen who loves it. So I think taking out those myths about what's good sex is important to me. And if it was true that only size matter, that we have reduced sexuality only to our equipment, our function and performance, right. Then you would think that every woman would buy the biggest dildo and she would have the best sex life that she can. And then as you know, more vibrator being so than any other toy. So I think people just need to be better educated.

That's really great to be able to break through that stereotype and be able to represent yourself and to debunk some of these needs. I think it's really important to be able to have that kind of modeling available for people out there.

Thank you.

So I know that actually one of the things that I came across you is actually your sex positive community. That was before I knew you were actually also a Sex educator. I think you were like the poster person for this community. You've created Hacienda Villa. Could you tell us a little bit about it?

Hacienda Villa really changed my life in so many ways. And really thanks to my business partner and my best friend in the whole world, Andrew Sparkspire. He's the founder of Hacienda, which is a very basic concept that we celebrate sexuality. Sex positive culture is something that is worth spreading. And to me, sex positive it just celebrates sex in all its form, in all its gender, all its orientation and expression. And Hacienda Villa is a sex positive intentional community. We have 14 residential members who lives here. We have an event space called Hacienda Studio where we host different sex educators from one of ours. Both of us had their the privilege to learn from Barbara Karela. So she taught here as well for her urban Tantra professional training. And I teach here. Dr. Shana teach here. And for us, it's really promote sex positive culture. And the thing is, what I learned, sex positive culture is not something that you preach and it's not a concept to show people. It's more than a TED talk. It has to be a culture that people get to experience. You know, when you are with a community who celebrates sex and takes shame out of sex, then you feel a little bit more liberated because of people. So our goal is to create, you know, to spread this message in a way that other people built community and, you know, let this be a mainstream culture rather than, you know, the bubble that I live in. And this is sort of a long winded answer, but if I had a daughter, I will feel safer to send her to our sex party to explore sexuality and socialize and to send her to Cancun during spring break where it's a drunk, you know, there's, you know, broke culture, whereas, you know, people just getting really, you know, intoxicated and drunk where there's no safer sex supplies. Culture here and consent is not, you know, it's not practiced and reinforced by the community. So I think the way we have sex party is something that is actually really good to model all over the world because people do socialize over sex. And I think a safer, more way of celebrating it is awesome.

That's really great. So we come back with Kenneth after this break.

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You are listening to Eros Evolution on the Ohm Times Radio Network and you can share this show with your friends by going to the link ohmtimes.com mobile with this link you'll be able to listen to the show without needing to download any app. Today we are with Kenneth Play and you can find him@kennethplay.com so far on today's show we've been talking about how he came to be a sex hacking expert, how he does his play labs and how he makes sure that the space is safe. It's so important that people have the ability to have enthusiastic consent that he's talking about. And he talked about the importance of questioning default programming that we have. And his training is a lot about scientific evidence. And so far he also talked about how he overcame some of these Asian stereotypes to do the work that he does. And just before the break we talked about the sex positive community that he's part of Hacienda Villa. Is there anything else that you would like to elaborate about Hacienda Villa? Kenneth?

I think more on Hacienda Studio. So Hacienda Studio is part of Hacienda Villa, but our goal is to build a studio where we could produce some very high quality sex education content. Because our goal is to make sex positive sex education more as accessible as porn. Right. I think having a studio is quite important to not only empower to shoot my content, but to feature some of the world class sex educators that we have or any local sex educators that wants to create content. Because I think the Internet is the key to educating more people that's less filtered that way. Right.

So.

Right now I'm having less Play Lab because I'm, you know, locked down to create more content. I am putting my squirting female ejaculation Play Lab. That's one that I'm developing. And my partner, Dr. Genre, is creating one on how to deal with unwanted attachment from hookups. Because, you know, there's people who are, you know, having casual sex, but they always end up breaking their heart. How do you deal with that? Like, what are the science behind it? So if you want to fall in love, this is what you do. And if you don't want to fall in love every time, this is some of the practice backed by science that works. So we want to put those content out there online.

Great. I'm sure listeners are very interested to find out about the events, workshops that you run at Hacienda Villa. So how can they find out about it? And where. Where is Hacienda Villa?

Hacienda Villa is right here in Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York. If they go to my website, all the links are there. So there's Hacienda Studio. So it's Hacienda www.hacienda.studio. and then all my website for the villa is all on my website. There's a calendar for Hacienda Studio. And then obviously I have my own calendar as well, so they can sign up for all the future classes and offerings. So also, one exciting project that I'm working on with Shanna is called the Smarter Sex Project, where we took our human. You know, she teaches human sexuality in nyu, but that's a class on human sexuality rather than your sexuality. So I have my expertise in experiential learning and making things, you know, that people could apply. So we've been teaming up, trying to teach classes where people get to make smarter decision about their sex life based on all the information we have about human sexuality. And there's not a lot of classes that teaches about your sex life. How do you make decision about your sexual health? What are your risk tolerance? What safer sex protocol do you follow to consent to attachment to pleasure? Like, I want people to be as educated as possible on this topic.

That's beautiful. Okay, so on this show, we always explore the link between sex and spirit. Could you let us know what is your perspective when it comes to the link between the two?

You know, there's some, you know, limiting factor because I'm More on the scientific side, however, I have some very profound spiritual experience with sex to tantra, especially when I did my professional training with Barbara. And more than anything, I see it as a way to really channel your focus, your attention and really experience the magic of sex. And instead of doing sex right and making sex happen, and she always coached me, that is letting sex do you, which is kind of an incredible thing, that tantra, because spirituality, that by default, or the way I look at it, is bigger than you. So to totally surrender to the magic of sex and that experience is pretty incredible. And I feel like as I've been growing and learning as a sex educator, a lot of the things is no longer achieving more external experiences, like having more elaborate sex or having more sex with more people. And let me tell you a little story. I was one time getting a blowjob with four girls at a sex party. And in that moment, I was like, wow. And the external side looks amazing. Right? It's like this lifetime achievement thing. But the blowjob was in some way mediocre because it's not technically great. But the internal experience wasn't amazing too. It was more like sport fucking and more performance. And I realized that a lot of sexual experience, especially when we watch porn, that you just see this performance, but their internal experience of the performer might not be amazing. And yet that there's some tantra practice. Looking from the outside, it might not look like, you know, like a performance, but the internal experience is totally incredible. So I hope my teaching evolve in a way that I get to teach people about having more epic internal experience rather than just having more showy sex.

Yeah. So I really appreciate this story because it really clearly explains the difference between the spirituality that is possible in sexuality versus going into performance. How do you personally feel about the link between the two? I know you already began to say all this just before the break, just before the show started. You also talked about the mystery of the unknown with spirituality. So I really like for you to be able to share that perspective to listeners out there, if possible.

I mean, obviously I love science because working with Dr. Jahna, but I don't think science has enough time to explain everything and able to measure it. So I definitely have some spiritual experience that I cannot measure or explain yet, but it doesn't mean it's not there and it doesn't mean that it's not real. However, I like things that work. So I think some other tantra practice, if it works, then it's incredible. But sometime, you know, when it comes to and I really against people making false promises when it comes to sex because then you end up sending people chasing after a mythical dragon that is not there. But I think there is a lot of, A lot of areas that way people could expand their possibility when it comes to sexuality. That is on the spiritual side because it's different. You know, when I teach, you know, when I teach about sex when it. I'm just breaking down their sometimes just breaking down the technique and the practical stuff, right. The internal experience stuff is more of letting go and surrendering. And I've seen king practitioner do that. And they might not call it spiritual. Right. Or tons of people experiencing energy sex. You know, they call it spiritual. But I think there's so much more and, and I'm always humble by how little that I actually know about sexuality and, and I want to be wrong about sex too because if I'm wrong then that means there's more things to learn out there. Same thing with fitness back in the days. Everybody's always have Paleo diet is the best or low carb is the best or you should lift weight really slow with the best. And I think it's all garbage most of the time. You know, I think it's a way to always trying to learn more and improve something and not over promising something. You know, that's my perspective and I hope to learn more about spirituality and sex.

That's beautiful. I really like your practical approach to learning about sex and very down to earth and being willing to admit the things that you are still learning about. And I think that's all we can hope for in an educator. Really a lot of people are just looking for teachers who are just willing to be human and to learn as much as they can and to share what they know. And it's really fantastic what you're doing and I really appreciate what you shared so far about the link between sex and spirit. And again, I feel that this is very useful for listeners out there. As you probably know that this radio show is on the OM Times Radio network and OM Times Radio has an OM Times magazine. And so a lot of the people that I expect to be listening to this show are people who are into spirituality and self improvement and a new age. So it's quite a different audience than some other podcasts. So I really appreciate how practical and accessible you're making it be because I think people who are spiritual don't always see the link with our sexuality and it's important to let it be known that we don't have all the answers and that we can be practical and that we can have spiritual experiences through sexual encounters. And I really appreciate what you're sharing so far.

I mean, to be very transparent, some of the most intense, amazing sexual experience I have was on acid. And I think in my own experience on acid really taps into the spiritual side of my experience. And I mean, and also asset is created by science. But you tap into this part of your experience that I cannot like, until you have that experience, you didn't know this world exists. Right. And then I'm having some of the most profound experience. So there's just so much more to know, you know, and. And it's so profound that you can say that there's it's not, you know, not real and not there. Right. But it's an internal experience. So it's just magic, you know?

Yeah. I think a lot of people who are spiritual are actually interested in psychedelic drugs because they are getting awakenings and they feel that they can fold time in space and really connect with the universe. And these are experiences that probably meditation itself may not be able to attain because those drugs, I think help us to really get into a very deep state of surrender. And so I'm not opposed to it. But in Singapore it's so completely illegal.

Gotcha. Yeah, it's not legal in the state too. Oh, legality.

Yeah. So it's, it's great if you can legalize some drugs like marijuana, it's been reported to be able to support people in having orgasms who are unable to have them. So we have a break and after this break we'll come back to Kenneth play and you can find him@kennethplay.com.

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And we are into the last 15 minutes of today's show. We are with Kenneth Play and he runs private play labs that are hands on sex coaching intensives. And he's been receiving a lot of media attention around the world. He helps couples with everything from squirting, kink and communication. And as we've learned about him through today's show, that he's also part of a sex positive community called Hacienda Villa. And they have Hacienda Studio that brings to you high quality sex ed. And he's very proud and has mentioned on today's show. I'm sure that you don't want to miss this. So I'm going to say this, that Kenneth is offering his squirting hack for free. And you can go to his website, Kenneth Play, where you can download his squirting hack and you can find his videos on pornhub@pornhub.com users kennethplay so you will be able to get access to his sex education content. I'm not sure if you know this, but recently, the last few weeks that I read about it, that pornhub started putting out sex education material as well. And that's very important because we look at porn as if it's reality, but it's not. And it's really important to put good sex education alongside porn so that people have the opportunity and platform to start learning about sex in positive ways. And I'm so happy that Kenneth's programs videos is on pornhub. So I just want you to know, actually, I'm not sure whether you know this, Kenneth, that actually pornhub is banned in Singapore. So it's Playboy and I'm sure that there are ways around it, but it is banned. And Ponhub recently released a study of their viewers and apparently one of the top consumers are Malaysian women. And Malaysia, as you know, is a Muslim country. And so I'm so happy that there is access to online porn and sex education in a Muslim country like Malaysia. So happy.

Yeah, I'm doing something with their Pornhub sex ed program. So it's pornhub.com sex so I made one of their first explicit sex sex ed video for them. It's fingerplay 101. So it's manual simulation to click and I put it on the website already. They gonna launch it on on their blog very soon. So that's a very exciting partnership and I'm very honored to be a contributor on it very soon. But I have some questions for you. I'm so curious about the Asian community and I recently was teaching in Asia do a travel company. But there's something I was interviewed today by a Hong Kong online news outlet. So I want to do more work in Asia and I just want to hear your perspective on. I think it's such a big question, but what is Asian culture like with regards to sex and how do you feel as a sex educator to reach more Asian audience?

Yeah, thanks for your question. I'm not used to being asked questions on my radio show, but I really appreciate the opportunity for open sharing and discussion. Being Asian in Asia, I think what happens is I can have my blind spots too because I project things onto my own. People growing up having a very pretty common Asian upbringing, which is that you don't ask, you don't tell, you don't ask your parents about sex at all. So you don't talk to your parents about sex, your parents don't talk to you about sex, and you don't see your parents having sex and you don't even hear your parents having sex. And I've had clients whose parents tell them to stop masturbating or to never masturbate. And these good girls and good boys, they really stopped and so they shut down their sexuality and they have no idea how to have sex. And I have a lot of clients who have vaginismus. Vaginismus is a real epidemic here. In case listeners who don't know. Vaginismus is a condition that happens when a woman's vagina shuts down, making penetration difficult or impossible. And there's very little sex education at all for my generation. And there is some sex education in schools now. However, it's abstinence based and because of the lack of sex education. So teenage pregnancy is pretty common, like for instance in the Philippines. And even sex ed is not welcomed. Then there's also homosexuality that is illegal in Singapore. And last year there was reports of homosexual people being prosecuted in Indonesia. And it's very worrying. So it feels like one step forward, two steps back sometimes. And the reality is there's no real good sex educators who have gone through enough training in Asia. I find we have sex therapists. And as you know, sex therapists really come a lot from the mind and comes from underlying beliefs and all that. Not a lot of sex educators in Asia really have a lot of training when it comes to sex coaching, like in practical ways. I try to be practical in my teachings, in my workshops. And what I do is I do teachings without the use of nudity. So I would explain using sex toys and all that. And some people really find it challenging to understand because some people just need more explicit instruction. And yet at the same time, as an ASEX sex educator, I'm not allowed to do nudity. So it is a challenge trying to be as clear as I can be with my clients and yet at the same time respect cultural inhibitions here and also religion. I have clients who are Christians and Muslims. And so I really need to be very respectful of where people come from. And because of all these challenges, even no matter how much I put out there my workshops and events and this and that, I still get challenged with getting clients coming to my workshops. And so I've been doing this for seven years. And no matter what I do, I just have a lot of difficulties trying to get people to fill my workshops. And finally, when I went to Sydney last year and was part of the really Good Sex Festival and started running workshops there also in October, that's when I realized it's just a total different ball game because the culture is just so different. People are a lot more open in Western countries, I feel. And there's a lot of stigma, you know, around sex. It's private. It's supposed to be private. People would say things like they would die rather than come to my events. It's like admitting that they have something wrong. I'm sure you face that in your work as well, Kenneth.

I think I'm a little bit, you know, very fortunate that, you know, New York, Brooklyn is quite progressive in that sense. But I think instead of fighting cultural norm, I think that's why online is beautiful. Because people could have the discretion and privacy they want, then where they get educated. If it's online, it'll be great too, so. And I also work with a lot of psychotherapists and professional like yourself that who have a licensing issue with nudity or any hands on work. Because that's why their collaboration and partnership been very fruitful for me, because I could translate what they've been working on in the therapist office to the Bedroom. So. And I like their live, explicit stuff. And the more we could normalize it, the more we could talk about it, I think it's better. So I hope one day it become institutionalized. But before that happened, I just want to make it available online because people will find a way to access it. You know, especially content is free.

Yeah. So I'm putting out more videos now answering questions relating to sexuality on my YouTube channel as well. I'm not sure whether you know, this. This week is actually National Orgasm Week. It's supposed to be the first week of spring, which is March 20th to 27th. So every day for this week, I have been putting out one video relating to orgasms, and I'm putting out content, but none of it is explicit. And actually, what has been very illuminating the last two weeks was I got people who I never knew were following my work for years and speaking to me as if they know me and actually I don't know them. The Internet has really opened up a lot of opportunities for people to learn. And I'm so happy that I'm doing this radio show because for so many years I'm feeling so isolated as an Asian in Asia and I have no access to my counterparts. And this radio show has allowed me to have the opportunity to speak with my colleagues using technology. So now I'm coming to know about your work and how amazing it is. So I'm very grateful for this platform.

Yes.

So do you have. Yes, sorry, go ahead.

Sorry, keep going. I was just. It's a little glitch.

Oh. I'm just going to say we're going to end this show very soon. Do you have any last words that you'd like to share with listeners?

I want the listener to check out my website, go to kennethplay.com and I would.

Yeah.

If we could talk offline, if I could make any specific content for your audience, I would love to share it because, you know, I think the technology is magic. So let's get the content out there so more people get to at least see it and experience it and try it for themselves. And I really. And I just want to say thank you for doing your work and doing it in such a challenging cultural and religious restriction. So thank you for being you.

Thank you and thank you for being you and thank you for coming onto today's show. For those of you out there, remember his website I've mentioned a few times is kenneth lake.com youm can subscribe to it, get his free content, and he is on Twitter. That's Kenneth. Kenneth Play also. And his Facebook is Kenneth's Play page. And Kenneth's project has been featured in Playboy, New York Magazine, Huffington Post, Trilist, Refinery 29, and Cosmopolitan. He's definitely somebody who is going places and doing amazing work, and you definitely want to check it out. And next week, I have my friend Bianca, and she is wanting to talk about dementia. And so it's going to be interesting to be talking about sexuality with people who have difficulties remembering the past and even the present. So stay tuned to Eros Evolution. This is where sex and spirit meet. And I love all you, and I want you to own your sexuality and have great sex this week. Goodbye.