Ask the umpire - Trees, Sunhats and Clicky Ponting

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This is the TMS Podcast from BBC Radio 5 Live.

It's Ask the Umpire, and I thought, A promising debut, I thought, given by the newcomer, the debutant in the series against, uh, against New Zealand. So we're having him back, actually.

But he's always surprised us, you know. He has always surprised us.

No, I think he got— I think he got most of them right. But so anyway, it's great to have Ian Gould back again. Well done, Gunner. Yeah, actually, you were a great success, uh, first of all. Thank you. And you've always entertaining stories and so on. We've got— as you see, these are all They're all bona fide questions. Victor and I haven't sat down and made these up. These are, these are questions from listeners looking for, well, looking for definitive answers if you can provide them.

Agus, I've known you two for a very long time, and if you think I'm going to start believing that, let's move on quite quickly. Well, we are—

before we look to the questions, seriously, we had that incident up in Yorkshire. Of the finger clicking, which made the national, international news. Uh, well, what do you make of that, Gunner? I mean, have you come across that before?

It was different. It even made the Slough Observer, that did. Yeah, it was different. And it goes back, I go back a very long time. Um, Kent members probably remember this gentleman, a chap called Colin Page, who was their coach, which made it even worse. Um, And we had a very sort of, um, lively coach as well in himself, in Don Bennett, who was in for fair play, as Don always was. And Colin Page started this trick one afternoon. I think it was at Beckenham, Barclays Bank Beckenham, or whatever it was in those days. And he kept running up and we kept hearing this clicking. And what's that? And then it all came out. It was Colin Page. He bowled it. And then his left arm— right arm over as he bowled it, his left arm came through and he flicked it.

Oh, at the vital moment.

At the vital moment. And dear old Don, who was a very fit man, played football for Coventry and Arsenal and played cricket for Middlesex, he came chasing across the field. It was actually hilarious. There's Mike Gatting himself and a few 15 and 16-year-old boys going, what is going on here? And these two were having a Were they? A finger wagging moment, but it is. I've never seen it before. I've never heard of it before until now this has come out. But it did make press, didn't it?

It did make press.

And presumably who was in on it, Johnny?

Well, come on, the wicketkeeper must have been in on it.

Come on, we've got to— if we're going to be unfair on this bowler and pick him out, the wicketkeeper must have known. He must have known, surely. But is this the first time it's happened? Well, or is it a routine they've been learning in the park?

People said it's happened a lot, but I think the difference with this one was that it was filmed. wasn't it? So it's actually people could see it online and they could make up their own minds about what was going on. I think that's the difference. I think there's been these sort of tricks played for years, hasn't there? But I was surprised that the umpire could hear it. I mean, it must be a hell of a click. Yeah, it's 30 yards away.

Yeah, for an umpire to hear that and also to get the timing right, you know, it's got to coincide with the batsman missing the ball.

So what happens legally then as far as—

If you, if you haven't— if you think you can spot that happening or hear it happening, what, what, what intervention have you got available, do you reckon?

I reckon you have, uh, I've got Fraser Stewart sitting behind me, head of laws and whatever. I would be diving into spirit of cricket.

Yeah.

Is that spirit of the game? Is it fair play?

Yeah.

Are you distracting the batsman? Batter, sorry.

I suppose disrepute is more the authority's decision rather than— you don't deal with that. That could be for the administrators to deal with afterwards.

Yeah.

But you're doing spirit of the game.

Yeah. You would report that and you hand it over to the ivory towers.

Yes.

And they then come out with their thoughts and probably be in 2029.

Well, there we are. It's all a bit quiet on that, on that front, isn't it?

It's gone very, very quiet. Yeah.

I mean, to be fair, the fellow accused of doing, or alleged to have done it, I mean, his life has just made an absolute misery, wasn't it? I mean, people piling in. I mean, I hope he's okay.

Just clicking his fingers.

Well, I don't know.

My schoolteacher used to do that and he's still going all right.

I just hope, I just hope he's, he's, I think he's all right. Anyway, right. Let's start with this. And I'm gonna go first. This is from Jenna. Now this actually happened in a match. Brackets, not a very high-level match. Closed brackets. That's always that's always a bit of a red flag. Anyway, a delivery flicks the batsman's pad while passing the bat at the same time. The bowler appeals. The umpire asks. What are you appealing for? The bowler is puzzled, and he says, LBW. The umpire says, not out. The bowler then says, well, what about caught? Umpire then says, you're only allowed one appeal, so it's not out. Is the umpire correct?

I believe so, because that could be a long-standing game, that one. Just keep asking.

The only thing is that with technology, though, when they do a review, they go right back, and every decision can come into it, can't it?

Yeah, it did in the first test when Palace gave, uh, one of the batters out off Tong, I believe, nipped back and it went through and they went for a caught behind, uh, which was given not out. It was a brilliant decision, but it did hit his back leg.

So you look for LBW.

So then the third umpire will then go back and say, right, I'm now going to review the LBW.

But are you— do you have to ask what you're appealing for? I don't think an umpire's ever said to me, what are you appealing for?

No. No, I did think— I did ask someone someday.

Did you?

Because it just looked daft and I wasn't sure if he got it.

If it wasn't—

It's not good news for the bowler if you're asking. What are you appealing for?

Well, you're just staring at him. I remember doing a game in Melbourne, Pakistan, and Safraz was their captain. Oh yes, wicketkeeper. This guy bowled an absolute beauty and went past, and to me, I'm standing there going, he's missed out by 6 inches. They reviewed it straight away. My heart stopped. Bump, review. Everyone's jumping up and down, and I'm like— and I did say on the stump mic, if that is out, I'm walking off this ground right now. Thankfully, thankfully missed it by a mile. I don't know what they were trying, but you do have those moments where you're not sure.

Yeah, of course you do. It all happens so quick.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, when you, when you get these— I mean, the great thing about DRS now is spectator sport. Now DRS, and you put your pint down. Put it down and you're going to watch this.

Yes.

But if you're an umpire, you're going, oh no.

Well, tell me, the top umpires, because obviously when it came in, the umpires would say, oh, it's undermining our authority a bit. But I always think nowadays that once the umpires are out there and all the reviews have gone, suddenly you're under far more pressure, aren't you? So you actually quite crave for there being some reviews left.

You're desperate, Vic. You're desperate. I mean, if you look at Nathan Lyon to, I think it was Stokesy in that game. Yeah, yes. And Joel Wilson standing there and going, please find me a review. Reviews left, nothing left. It come up on the big screen, didn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

No reviews left. Yeah, you could see Joel go, oh my God, not out, not out.

And you know, I can't remember if England had a review left.

Yeah, they did.

So he could have said out, and then, and then, I mean, did that go through? You haven't got time to think about that, I guess, as the umpire. They've got one, so I'll give it out and they can review it if they think it's not out.

Yeah, I think your heart is racing that much, especially that. And you've got tense and you've got tears in your eyes and you're thinking, I've got this wrong and I just wrecked a really great game of cricket.

But you must, by contrast, you must enjoy it when someone reviews your decision and then you can go to the third umpire and it's you, they confirm you're right, you give it the old—

yeah, it's lovely.

You quite enjoy that.

Yeah, I didn't do that very often.

I'm sure you did.

I crossed my arms an awful lot. My last decision in world cricket was a review. Rishan Pant. He tried to hoik one out of Headingley off a seamer, and I thought, well, it's hit him in the midriff. But then I forgot that he was on his knees trying to sweep one, so I gave it not out. Going on, the bloke, they asked, I said, no, it's gone over. He was hitting up 4 inches up middle, and then I thought, that's time to take it out.

Anyway, I've got one here from someone you probably know. He's called Greg Denton, who said he was a groundsman at Sussex for 17 years. And he prepared the pitches for many games which you umpired. So he was in your umpiring career, and he says hello. But he said, my question is from a groundsman's perspective. Is there a law which prohibits the practice of scraping fielding positions on the square with one's boot? It happens— something that happens quite a couple of times at Hove when I was there. I've also experienced it at my club ground in Perth. It's intensely irritating and put an unused pitch in jeopardy. But can you do anything about that?

No.

You can't.

All you can say is probably, I'd recommend you stop doing that.

Yeah.

Because there's a groundsman standing on the boundary with a fork in his hand. Which happened here.

Yeah.

And bless him, Michael.

Yeah, yeah.

Someone was at mid-wicket on his Test match just about to strike an X. So Mick, in his wisdom, run to the tavern.

I can imagine what the language was like.

Oh, it was lively. It was lively. He ran to the tavern and got 24 beer mats. So when you were fielding and you had to move, you had a beer mat.

Oh, really?

It was as fun. He just stopped the game. He come walking on Mick and he was, you know, we all know Mick.

Great character.

Oh yeah, brilliant character. But no, Greg, and hello, but, uh, no, there's nothing. That's down to you, mate.

Right, Simon Hull. This is nice because actually this, this refers to my old ground, actually. Um, and 10 years ago, it still irks. I like these ones, says Simon. So The last innings I played for Ufford Park Cricket Club—that was my little village club between Peterborough and Stamford—I was run out running from the non-striker's end. The ball was fired down the leg side; striker missed it. We ran, but I was run out by a strong throw from fine leg. Brackets: small ground. Ask Agos. It is very small ground, but it's a second team game, and that kind of throw was unexpected. As I left the crease. Crestfallen. The umpire, one of our players, indicated it as no shot had been played. It was a dead ball, but I was still out. Was that correct? So he must have struck the pad, um, playing no shot, gone down to fine leg. They've run— he's been run out by a direct hit, and then the umpire says it's a, it's a dead ball for playing no shot.

Did he signal dead ball straight away?

Well, it doesn't sound like it.

Now he needs to explain that a bit more because he's catching me out here because I don't know the answer. Well, uh, phrases—

Oh, sorry. As I left the crease crestfallen, the umpire, brackets, one of our players, close brackets, indicated as no shot had been played.

So as it is back, so as he left. Yeah, did it say that, or you guessing that because you're backing up one of your mates at your club?

I think it sounds like to me like one of his own players who's not normally an umpire has got, he's got the dead ball shout a bit late.

Very late. Yeah. And so the run has happened.

He's been run out. Then he signals dead ball.

So if he'd have brought him back, what sort of actions would have been in the bar that evening?

Often it's a very friendly club.

Is it? For Park? Yes. It would be posh as well.

Let him into the pub afterwards talking about it in gentlemanly fashion. But I mean, so if he called it late, if it's all happened and then suddenly the umpire goes, oh, that's a dead ball, didn't play a shot. Is it too late?

Can he be run out off a dead ball? Yeah, that's the question. But I think you can. Yeah, yeah. But he don't— he needs to tell him next time. What's his name? What's his sign? Simon. Just to put everything in more detail. Yes, please. Yes. Okay, nice.

I've got a very short question here from Andy in Taunton. At what point does a stumping become a run out, he asks? And I suppose he might have been thinking of that famous Bairstow dismissal, uh, which was—

was he attempting a run?

Well, is he? What was Johnny doing?

He wasn't attempting a run.

He thought he was attempting a run when he went gardening.

He went where? It was the end of the over.

There was 2 in a week. There was one at Hove where Shay Hope was playing for Yorkshire and the Sussex coaching contingent noticed that Every time he played the shot, he just walked down the pitch. So he instructed the stumper, which I believe was a boy called Ollie Carter, to do a bit of 10-pin bowling. And he did. And surprisingly for Ollie, he hit the stumps.

And he's out of his crease.

And he's out of his crease. But they, they gave it not out because he wasn't attempting a run. And they warned him not to do it again.

Berstow was not attempting a run?

No. Do you not— no, he couldn't have been.

He thought it was the end of the over.

How was he given out?

Stumped, wasn't he? I think he was stumped, yes.

Okay. I wonder whether you'd have handled that in any different way if you'd been out there.

I don't know. In international cricket, it was a lot easier. Yeah, it was a bit different.

Well, I felt a bit sorry for the third umpire in that because they immediately threw the onus onto the third umpire to make a decision.

Yeah.

And I guess the third umpire had no choice because it was a line decision and he was just giving the line decision.

But the modern-day cricketer, and it just didn't happen in that series, I don't know why. If you watch today now, if a batter wants to go down and do some gardening or whatever, he will look to square leg and go to the umpire. To the umpire. So the ball's dead. Yeah, can I go? Yeah. And if the umpire says yes, then off you go. But they won't move.

He'll be safe then.

Yeah, he's safe. Yeah.

That's interesting because you used to ask the keeper, didn't you, look behind you and say, right, yeah, not, not these guys.

I don't think you ask a player anymore. That's what tends to happen now, right, is that they will look directly at square leg without moving.

Yeah, and they'll be more wary of doing that post that Bairstow dismissal.

The 2, the 2 happened in 2 weeks where, you know, I hadn't seen anything like that in your time, really. Well, I do say there was one guy that played for Leicester.

Oh yeah, but you get up your nose. Do you remember him? Yeah, he's still Name that man.

Roger Cholchow.

Oh yes, Roger.

He took his glove off and hurled it at you, and 9 times out of 10 he missed you in the back of the calf, and he wouldn't apologize.

He could wind up the opposition a bit.

What?

Yeah, he was quite good at that.

Yeah, he was very good, good cricketer.

Oh yes, he was.

Yeah. The TMS Podcast from BBC Radio 5 Live.

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Right, uh, Tom Mortimer, who's the secretary of Bad Shot League Cricket Club. This is— I'm going to try and condense this, it's quite a long one. But basically, a bowler halfway through an over and having bowled so far right arm over tells the umpire he's going to change to left arm round. The fast bowler walks back to his mark, exchanges a few words about the field setting with the captain, during which time the umpire calls to the striker, he's going to come round to you. And the striker asks for a new guard, middle and leg. The bowler then bowls left arm round, as he said he was going to do. And the bowler is bowled off stump. So the batsman is bowled off stump. The batsman protests that the umpire told him he'd be bowling right arm round, but the bowler repeats his earlier statement to the umpire that actually he's going to bowl left arm round. So the umpire got it wrong. The umpire gave bad information, the wrong information to the batsman. He didn't say he's going to come left arm round, he just said he's coming round. Is he out?

I would put that down to misinformation, dead ball. Yeah, yeah, I would. I see your sensible way of— I think, yeah, tactfully, I think the great skills of umpires in my book are defusing situations, and that could have been nasty. Yes. And it's his mistake or her mistake. Yes. You know, the end of it, mistake by an umpire. Yeah, we've made it, we just made a mistake, but yeah. I don't think I've done a game like that. But this bloke is— yeah, very good. Yeah, very good.

Yeah, you're a bit like your predecessor who's— who, if in trouble, said dead ball.

John Holder. Yeah, they did. Oh, Johnny, you could never get through a match with John.

There were so many dead balls in it. Yeah, but there's a boy at Glamorgan, isn't there? Kellaway. Yeah, he did it, and he forgot— he forgot to tell the umpire. He ran into the non-striker because his non-striker was still standing there. But that's where it can— you have to be very careful and very diplomatic. And yeah, well, but, and to be the old-fashioned umpire used to put their arm up, left arm. Yeah, right arm.

Oh, they did, didn't they? Yeah, but don't now. No, no, you're right, they did. That would avoid all the confusion.

I remember we were talking about him earlier on, Merv Hughes, telling me what Merv Hughes— my kitchen. Imagine Merv Hughes umpiring.

Well, well, we, we found it hard to imagine you umpiring, but you get to get the hang of it.

Fair comment. But what have you to say? Just tell them. And there's not— then there's no issues. Yeah, there was no issues. And you know, in those days, if you got it wrong, then you know, you had the David Constance, the Mervs, brilliant umpires. Absolutely. Kenny Park. I saw Gary today, actually. Oh, and they used to climb into you. Do it properly.

Yeah, because some bowler though, bowling right arm fast and left arm fast, he is a proper bowler and he's got to be out.

Yeah, I'll have one of those.

Has Troy Cooley not been watching?

I wonder who he was. Victor?

Okay, this is from Robin Clark in Worcestershire. The bowler bowls, the batter bats, the ball heads towards the boundary, and the fielder races after it. Then a lot happens. The fielder's sun hat falls off. The fielder reaches the ball, flicks it behind him, saves the boundary, but the ball hits the sun hat. The fielder catches up with the ball, throws it to the stumps, and the batter is run out by the narrowest of margins. The batter is incensed because he's claiming, is it 5 runs, or would the batter— should the batter not have been run out if the sun hat hadn't sort of blocked the ball, or hadn't hit the sun hat?

Did he intentionally throw the hat at the ball?

No, no, no, no, because the, the sun hat is on the ground there, lying there doing that, as I see it. And then he's flicked the ball back and it's hit the sun hat lying on the turf. Yeah, so is— can play continue, or is—

I don't think so. It's a bit like there's a game 2 weeks ago where someone, keeper run after the ball, went down to fine leg, and he threw his glove on the floor, and then he hurtled it in and hit his glove. Yeah, 5 penalty runs.

All right, I have an illustration of this.

Have you?

Leicestershire versus Kent. I bowled a ball to Graeme Cowdery, turned it to square leg, no run. Just stands there, does a bit of gardening. Square leg throws the ball to Winston Benjamin at mid-on, who took his cap off, caught the ball in his cap, and then threw it on to me. 5 runs. 5 runs.

Must have been Don Ospreay.

It was Don Ospreay. Peter Willey at gully said quite a lot and ended up, I think, being suspended for a match.

Don brought that upon him, didn't he? You know, wherever Don was, there's always something. So I'd go 5 penalty runs.

Okay, okay.

Now this is actually a good one. Um, that was quite good. This is, uh, Justin from Chislehurst. Uh, he's watching a game, uh, totally out of the blue, the umpire called no ball and clarified that it was for throwing. Massive row, everyone, you know. I mean, it's a, it's a bad thing, is it, to be called for throwing? And all that Justin really asks is, what's the correct way of handling a bowler? Who is throwing? Do you call no ball? Is the bowler banned from bowling? Do both umpires have to agree? Should there be a warning? Now I think I'm right saying in Test cricket now it's kind of a process takes place, isn't there? Because who was the fellow? There's a Sri Lankan fellow came on here and just chucked it.

Senanayake. Well, that's right, he just threw it. I was, um, I was standing next to him when he was doing that, right? And if you remember rightly, he then went to Birmingham Correct. Josh Butler. Josh Butler.

Oh, that's backing up. Oh yeah, man caddied him.

That's, that's correct.

While under review, as it were, you, you have to go to a review center. So there's one in Loughborough, one in Perth, I believe, and one somewhere else where they film you. They film you.

What I'm thinking of is called Pereira, I think. His left arm over the wicket. Yeah, left. And he bowled from that far end. He's going, whoa, hang on a minute. Yeah, but they didn't call him. Because the procedure at the time was you don't call. It's just too, too— but if this is a club game and you haven't got processes and throwing centers, and what do you do if you're at a dump on a club game and someone's running up and chucking it? What do you do?

You get with your partner after the game and you report the game and you report him.

You don't do it during the game?

I think that's politically incorrect.

Is it? You just say, sorry, this is—

You could make— the problem is it will come from the opposition straight away. It will come, he's throwing it. She's right, whatever. They're throwing it. You can't prove it because sometimes I thought one bowler one year threw it or chucked it, whatever word, in county cricket, and he got reviewed and I was 3 degrees out. They sung well then. I'm telling you now, it was so 15 degrees.

I was so wrong.

You know, we all in the era, and we still got sweaty palms about it, always talked about Sylvester Clarke. Yes.

Absolutely.

Never once after being filmed did he have a problem, though he only bowled 3 miles an hour in the filming process.

I've watched Muttiah Muralitharan bowling on the nursery ground with his arm in a brace.

Yeah.

And he still looked like he was throwing it.

Yeah, it's a very— you've got to be very clever, very cute with this one. And I think you hand it over to the authorities, and some of the leagues actually go about until you get filmed or someone comes to assess you.

Yeah.

Because sometimes people can do it by mistake by overstretching the front foot, you know. Well, you know more about it than I'll never know, but the front foot gets too long on you and you end up getting low and it's— it jars down and it doesn't look nice. But sometimes not looking nice, it's, it's still okay. It's still okay. And that's where you can easily jump in And then you're going to cause absolute— you just call me a cheat. Yeah, it's not pleasant. It's not a pleasant conversation.

Again, that diplomatic bit there.

Yeah, that's why I was so good, Jonathan.

Well, it was why you were good, because it's worth mentioning, you know, your record. The biggest fixture in a way, the most sort of one that could cause flames to fire out all over the place was India-Pakistan. And how many times did you do India? 14. You were the ICC umpire. Go to. Who's India-Pakistan?

Ah, well, Gunnar will have to have that one.

And you ended up with quite a good rapport with those 2 teams.

The teams— I had one incident in, uh, I think it was, oh God, Mahali or something like that, where that Charmin, uh, coach of India, now Gambia. Yeah, yeah, it was a bit feisty. They're very feisty. And, uh, oh, what is his name? Anyway, we'll get— I'll get to it. But anyway, they run down the wicket and they run into each other. Yeah, and it was not pleasant. Shyad Afridi, just thought of him.

Yeah, yeah.

Got it once. Yeah, it's a good combination. Got in the middle of both of them because my square leg partner didn't see what was going on. Ashish Sharma from India just didn't spot it. No, he didn't spot it. Anyway, next ball gets knocked to fine leg. Gambhir sets off Afridi, standstill, bang. The next thing I look up, Afridi has got Gambhir's visor and he's shaking his head. And this was my first overseas trip to do India and Pakistan. And now I've witnessed this in the 12th over. I go to my partner who is inadvertently not watching, right? He's facing, talking to his wife in the crowd, I think, at the stage. So we had to deal with that. But I never— honestly, the biggest issue with all of it was the crowds.

Yeah, yeah.

Champions Trophy game, I did it with Richard Kettleborough, who now He's taken over my mantle.

Of India-Pakistan?

He's all over it. He's not penciled in, he's got ink. I looked at him just before the second ball was bowled. I radioed him and went, have a look. And there was the bank over the far side. Is it what they call it, Holly Stand or whatever it's called in Birmingham? There was 3 on each seat. So they said there was 23,000. There was actually 69,000 in there. And he looked around and he said it was the first time he felt nerves. Yeah, yeah. But now you don't. The thing is that you know yourself when you're playing, you don't— there's nothing you hear because when the bowler's running in, everything is silent. Yeah, it's dead silent until they hit it and all miss it. Yeah. And then it's carnage and you just pray it doesn't hit the pad. You just pray.

But, but you did have that knack that Dickie had actually.

He was brilliant.

Of diffusing a situation. I mean, Dickie made people laugh inadvertently, it seemed at the time. But you had that knack of getting— somehow getting alongside them and getting to know them a little bit, I guess.

Yeah, that's the big thing. Before games, we always went to games 4 days before. Get in the nets with them, introduce yourself so they got to know you. You know, on the field, don't just put your head down.

Have a chat.

Just talk to them if they want to talk. There's a lot of people don't want to talk. Never speak a word to Graeme Smith when he was batting. All my life, really. He gave me the biggest stare in history when you started a conversation.

All right, Graham, how you doing, mate?

Everything all right? Is this 6 foot 6 inch monster of a bloke just glaring at me? I went, all right, then we'll leave it there then.

But most people, most of the players would have appreciated having— getting to know you a bit, and that helped in diffusing those situations.

Just chat to people. Yeah, you know. There's a little lad standing out there now, Rob Wyatt, who's just starting his international career this week, next week. He's very good at it. He'll talk, but he knows when to talk. That's good. No, he's going to be very good.

Almost linked to that, Trevor Hobday from Clitheroe in Lancashire says, at what point would an umpire become involved if the fielding side engaged in unnecessary sledging, and what sanctions have you got available if it continues?

That's another— that's a skill again. I watched it last week with Russell Warren and Jack Shantry in a very feisty— Johnny Bairstow and Ben Brown.

Yeah.

Hampshire, both wicketkeepers standing up the stumps. As soon as Johnny went to put his helmet on, Russ Warren, who's at square leg, walked in to about 5 meters away from him and went, I'm here.

Okay.

I can hear everything.

Okay.

But what you— what I tended to do Is if the chatter was as a bowler was running up, I'd stop the game.

Yeah.

Stop the game, get the captain over or whoever, and just give a friendly warning. You don't— yeah, yeah, just be careful because sometimes people talk because they're very, very nervous, like me right at this minute. But they do, they just, you know, you go and watch games and you're sitting on the sideline and go, why has he clapped his hands and shouted? Why? Because if you would, if you did that, going back to Merv and Connie, they would just say, excuse me, quiet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you would, and you would, you wouldn't follow it on, Johnny. Uh, Stefan, I played in a game with a tree inside the boundary. The local rule is, is 4 when you hit the tree, like Canterbury. The fielder retrieved the ball, the batsman ran 2. When he threw it though, the ball Brushed the branches. The umpire signaled 4. Is that right, or should it have been 6? 2 plus the 4 for throwing the ball into the tree. Or do you ignore the fact that the fielder actually threw the ball into the tree?

God, did you say it hit— has it— it was hit and then hit the tree?

No, it was— well, it didn't hit the tree where the batsman hit it, right? So it's gone past the tree, gone past the tree, but the fielder threw it in and went through the tree. Touch the tree, touch the branches. What's it?

Canterbury, you know, Canterbury. It could have happened in the old Canterbury. Yeah, yeah.

No, I never saw that happen.

Well, I never actually saw that happen, but it could have.

No, I just can't believe that someone could be foolish enough to throw it into a tree.

That's a fair comment.

But if he did throw it into the tree, well, he should be put in the second team next week. You've got to get the runs. Yeah, yeah. No, I'd go just 2. A mistake. Didn't see it. Didn't see it hit the tree.

Okay. Mark Souster says, many years ago I told my son playing Coles Cricket. If the bails were off and he wanted to run the batsman out, he'd have to have the ball in hand and pull out the stump. Inevitably, one day he did this. Batsman was out of his ground. The umpire gave it not out. When I queried with him later, he said that the ball and stump need to be on the same hand. My son has never forgiven me. Was the umpire correct?

Where can you get the stump and the ball in the same hand? You've got Kenny Everett gloves on.

Well, I'm just telling you what happened. So the answer is stump ball.

Yeah, you can use both hands. Yeah, just smack it with a stump.

It's very difficult to do it with one hand.

I might have got that one right.

I think you probably did.

I wonder if you'll get this one right. It's probably our last one. The umpires are coming out. We haven't— we've never had this one. This is to do with the impact of earthquakes on play. Uh, say, starts Jacob, that the batsman plays the ball to mid-on, runs a single, and attempts to run back for a risky 2 Leaving him short of his ground. The fielder makes a limp throw, the ball's dribbling onto the stumps at the striker's end, but at that very moment that it makes contact, there's an earthquake and the bails come off simultaneously at both ends. Given the slow pace of the ball as it hits the stumps, it's impossible to tell whether the ball or the earthquake caused the bails to be removed. I'd appreciate a response on this pressing issue because cricket must prepare itself for this inevitable eventuality, writes Jacob.

Oh, good afternoon, Jacob. What are you? Are you any near St. John's Wood? Because I think you and I need to go for a drink somewhere. Yeah. Um, I can't answer. I cannot answer that. It's just. I think it's fantastic. I don't know. He must be. Jacob, what is he sitting at? Was he sitting at home all afternoon thinking? Do you know what he is?

I think it's the first time I've done this. There've been no beards involved. No. No, no.

I had it last time. Oh, did you? All right. Oh, don't worry about that. And I walked into my local pub after Vic, and there's a guy with the longest beard in history. Is that out, Gunner? But where is Keith Flett?

He hasn't appeared for this one.

But thank you to everybody for writing in.

Gunner, always lovely to see you. Thank you so much indeed.

Yeah, well, I think you've passed. Oh, definitely.

You're listening to the TMS Podcast from BBC Radio 5 Live.

What's that saying about not letting the truth get in the way of a good story? Well, I'm Krell Prince, and I'm in the way. Online, I catch out some of the biggest names in football, holding their tall tales to account. But now the tables have turned. Can I spot the truth from the lies as those same guys who I tried to catch try and catch me out? Roll the tapes. I'm Krow Prince, Lie Detector, on the Football Daily Podcast. Listen on BBC Sounds.

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