Avoid the “Nice Girl Trap” in Recommendation Letters

Have you ever gotten a letter of recommendation that was all about how nice and helpful you are? I'm Ellen and I've spent the last decade coaching women on how to take up more space in their lives and careers. Nice is nice, but it won't get you that promotion or new job. When you receive a letter of recommendation, it's important that it focuses on your concrete contributions and skills, not just your personality. Too often women fall into what I like to call the nice girl trap, where their letters of recommendation focus on their personality, how nice they are, how helpful they are, or pleasant to work with. While being kind is important, it shouldn't overshadow or replace your actual accomplishments. If you receive a letter of recommendation that focuses more on your personality than on your achievements, it's time to take action. Don't be afraid to have a candid conversation with the person that's writing the letter. Make sure to reinforce how important it is that they focus on your skills, achievements, and the impact that you've had in your role. It can be really helpful to provide a list of those concrete contributions in that conversation. Remember, you've worked hard to get to where you are and you deserve to be recognized for your talent and expertise. So don't let the nice girl trap and limiting stereotypes hold you back. So go out there, make sure your letters of recommendation are speaking to your full worth, and take up the space that you deserve. For more tips on how to take up space in your life and career, follow me.