E283: Reverse Cowgirl: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure

Reverse cowgirl is one of the most underrated positions. Oh yeah. You get a phenomenal view. There are a lot of different ways to play with it. It's excellent for female O. There's so many benefits, but I think a lot of women feel very self-conscious doing it because they don't know exactly what to do, like how to get on top, how to move, the ins and outs of it. So in today's episode, we are going to break down for you exactly how to do a reverse cowgirl to bring both partners maximum pleasure. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa

and Xander Marin.

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience,

and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Today we are doing a deep dive into reverse cowgirl position. So a lot of people are— everybody knows cowgirl. You're familiar with it. Woman on top. It's a known one, but now we're talking about the reverse.

Flip it and reverse it.

Flip it and reverse it. A little 180 spin. We've done a couple of these position-centric episodes, and they've ended up being some of our most popular podcast episodes of all time. Like the doggy style one. I can't remember what number that is. But yeah, that doggy style one is majorly, majorly popular. I think we have done a cowgirl one too. And we have talked a lot about missionary because we think missionary gets a bad rap.

Missionary is great and there's so many options.

A lot of ways to play with it. But today we are going to be breaking down reverse cowgirl for you. Everything about like getting comfortable, finding your rhythm, little tips and tricks. We also put a question box up on Instagram and we asked our community, what questions do you have about reverse cowgirl? Like what trips you up about it? How can we help? What do you need?

Yeah, because I think some people are a little hesitant about this. This one feels a little more intimidating, I think, than what we call the big 3, which is missionary, doggy, and cowgirl. I was about to say cowboy.

Cowgirl.

I was about to say cowboy. I don't know why. Cowgirl.

Little cowboy.

Cowboy, we actually, we do have a position in our Ultimate Sex Positions called Cowboy Doggy. Yeah, which is a great position as well.

Very little known, a lesser known position.

Yeah. And actually, you're teeing me up quite nicely because I wanted to mention that the content from all of these position episodes comes straight from our Ultimate Sex Positions Guide. We have this incredible guide that gives you 47 Actually realistic positions because let's be real, everybody's found, like you can search positions on the internet. Yeah, good luck. You will get some weird stuff. We have a whole series on Instagram where we try them out and they are always terrible.

Yeah, good luck finding usable ones.

Yeah, they're really, really terrible. So these are 47 realistic ones and there are a couple of things that I really love about the way that we went about this. Like first of all was finding the realistic ones because this was something that we had struggled with in our own relationship. Like I actually have, We probably have some books up here on our

bookshelf, right over here.

I have a collection of positions books, and they're hilarious and just like so tacky, but also there's a lot of bad positions, and I'm like, just look at the picture. Your crotches aren't anywhere near each other. Like, how is penetration possible in there?

They're hilarious to look at like with your friends at a dinner party. They are not— because they're funny. They are not good to look at when you and your partner actually want to try something new. You're probably gonna come away from it. You're gonna have a bad experience because you're You're either gonna be like, you're either gonna come away being like, new positions are dumb. Like, we're just—

Yeah, why would we do it? It's embarrassing.

We're just gonna stick with the same old shit. Or you're gonna try and it's gonna be a really bad experience in the moment. You're gonna be fumbling around. You're not gonna be able to get your body parts actually, you know, touching each other. Someone's probably gonna lose an erection and it's gonna feel like, uh, oh God, trying new stuff sucks. And that's, that's the experience that so many people have when it comes to sex, is like, we have one or two, not even bad experiences trying something new, just weird experiences. Because we didn't talk about it, because you didn't do a clothed practice run, because, yeah, you didn't really think through how it was gonna go. And then you did it in the moment when the stakes were high, and it didn't immediately work. Mm-hmm. And you came away feeling kind of like, Oh, that kind of messed up our whole sexual experience.

Oh yeah, absolutely. The other part of it is, you know, every position book that I ever bought, there were no actual instructions for the position. It was just like— Yeah, it's like see the picture. Yeah, here's the photo. That's pretty much it.

It's 2 models that are not actually doing it. They're just— it's like softcore porn where it's like the bodies aren't touching and you're like, okay, yeah, maybe it's like kind of hot to see 2 naked people, but then they're not doing it.

Yeah, and I mean, it would give like a weird— I have one position book that's so freaking funny. It's like all sepia-toned photos and really dramatic, weird descriptions of stuff where it's like, I mean, one of the tips that they give is like men wear nothing but a vest. Or like they had a lot of weird costume suggestions like just a vest or just a little fedora.

We've yet to try that one, Vanessa. They could be onto something.

So it's like they would give all these weird tips like that, but then no actual instructions for the position itself. And I think that can end up making people feel really dumb too because, you know, we all, I think we all have this belief that sex is just supposed to be instinctual. We're just supposed to like know what to do. But the reality is in a lot of positions there are nuances and complexities. Like how do you get into this? What is the best kind of movement to do in this position? How do you get out of this position? What are some ways to play in this position? And I never found anything That offered that level of detail. And so I think it's, yeah, it's yet another way that a lot of us wind up feeling kind of stupid. Like, well, they're just showing me the picture and they're saying like, here's the position, but like, I can't figure out how to do it. Yeah.

It's like you're supposed to know, you're supposed to already know. And if you don't, then therefore you feel like, oh, I guess I'm not very good at sex. I guess this isn't for me. I guess something's wrong with me.

Yeah. Or even like, I'm just remembering, I don't have one of these, but those like, you can find those like 365 positions calendars where it's like every day you like pull off a new one, and it literally would just be like this little stick drawing and the name of the position, and you're like, okay, great, like what do I do with that? So anyways, we set about to create something that we'd never been able to find before and actually give all the ins and outs, all the details of what to do with these positions and how to enjoy them and get the maximum enjoyment out of them. So we made a couple of these episodes where we really, like, we share, like, this is everything. This is all, like, directly from the guide. We're gonna break it down for you in a podcast episode where, you know, we're giving you these positions absolutely for free. This is a, you know, a guide that you have to buy if you're interested in it. But we, you know, we want this podcast to feel like a lot of value. And I think it's also nice to kind of get, like, a sneak peek at what a product really looks like because you might, if you've never heard of an online sex positions guide before, you may be like, what the hell is that and what's actually gonna be in it? So I think this also serves as a nice little taster so you can see, ultimately our goal is we wanna give you the full breakdown of reverse cowgirl. So regardless of whether you ever get anything, any of our products, you have everything that you need to have fun with this position. And if you happen to be curious about checking out one of our offerings, you also get this nice taster of like, oh, okay, this is what I can expect from the guide. This is the kind of information that's there.

Well, to be clear, you shouldn't expect a fully recorded podcast about every single position. We have not done that, though we do verbally describe every single position in the same level of detail that we're going to go through here. Obviously, we're going to have some asides. We're going to be talking about our experience with it. You're not going to see that in the guide. The guide is straight to the point, like how to actually get in, how to get out, all of that good stuff.

So yes, it is. It is not like an hour of podcasts for every single position. That would be really over the top. But you know, it's fun to go deep, literally, on a couple of them.

Okay, so let's get into reverse cowgirl. Let's first describe it. What is reverse cowgirl if somebody has never heard of it before?

All right, well, why don't we even go backwards? What about cowgirl?

Okay, so cowgirl, regular cowgirl, is when you You have the man or the giver on the bottom lying on his back. The woman is straddling his hips. They're facing each other so they can make eye contact. She's like, you know, looking at his head. Reverse cowgirl is when she spins around 180 degrees and she's facing his feet. So they are then facing the same direction. Mm-hmm. So they're not able to make eye contact. He's looking at the back of her head. She's looking at his feet. So she's still in that same position of like straddling his hips, but she is facing the other direction. Reverse cowgirl. Okay. So why do we love reverse cowgirl? I mean, this is a very sexy position.

Yes.

Okay. So let's talk about why we love reverse cowgirl. First, I want to acknowledge that this can be a vulnerable position. Mm-hmm. For women or the receiver, whoever's on top. A lot of women feel very self-conscious in this position, which is part of the reason why we wanted to do a breakdown of this, because we wanted to help women get more comfortable with it. But it's interesting because I think the thing that makes a lot of women feel vulnerable about this position is the thing that makes it feel so hot for the man or the giver. Yes. And I'll let you explain your perspective in a second. But I think for a lot of women, we get self-conscious about because we're facing the opposite direction, he's looking right at the booty. And we talked about this during the doggy style episode as well. A lot of women are really self-conscious of, well, what are you doing? Are you like, how much can you see back there? Are you just staring at my butthole the whole time?

Well, let me just answer that question right away. When it came to doggy style, we were really honest with you that, yep, you can see some butthole.

A lot of butthole.

A lot of butthole. That's gonna be— unless you do it where her legs are inside of his legs, which is sort of like the non-standard way of doing it, you are going to be seeing a lot of butthole. With reverse cowgirl, though, I would actually say if you are really butthole averse, Look, I think, let me clarify that. I have never heard a man say, oh God, I can't do doggy or reverse cowgirl because heaven forbid I see her butthole. I've never heard a guy complain about that. So I don't think I— who knows? Hey, if your partner is grossed out by seeing your butt, let us know. I'm curious. I think that this one is really in women's heads though. Mm-hmm. When I say if you are butthole averse, I mean if you are the receiver of reverse cowgirl and you are averse to the possibility of your partner seeing your butthole, I actually do think that reverse cowgirl, you are mitigating some of that risk. You can see a lot of butt, but not a lot of butthole unless you grab those cheeks and spread them.

Well, if the woman leans forward, you can see more. But if you're sitting more upright, you're not necessarily seeing it.

Yeah, you're kind of doing it in the standard way that we will initially describe, then we will talk later about some variations to that. If you're doing it in kind of the standard way, your cheeks are fairly together. So there is a lot of butt, not a lot of hole.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love, personally, I love having a butt on display. You have turned me into a butt guy, which I appreciate. On top of that though, there are other view opportunities that are, they're really wonderful. for the giver when it comes to reverse cowgirl. So in actual, in regular cowgirl, that is a fun position because, you know, you can see your partner kind of grinding on top of you. And, you know, there's some like fun movement to watch, but you don't really see that much of like the penis actually going into the vagina because both of your pelvises are kind of in the way. Like you can see a little bit, but it's not like, you're not getting like a full-on display of it. Mm-hmm. And also, That's because when it comes to cowgirl, we are generally not recommending that you are like literally bouncing or like squatting up and down on the penis, because that you're gonna like blow your quads out really, really fast.

And your knees.

Doing it, and your knees and your quads. Like that is basically a fake porn position because that gives space for a camera to get in there. In reality, in cowgirl, like it's fun to kind of like watch your hips move and stuff, but you're not actually seeing much of the real action of the penetration. Reverse cowgirl completely flips that around because there are no more pelvises. There's just a butt.

There are still pelvises.

Yeah, yeah. But like, her pelvis is now facing the other direction.

And so basically what you have, like, a full-on view of, like, your penis going into the vagina and it kind of like riding it all the way up and down. There's a really unimpeded view, which is It's extremely exciting and fun to watch. Plus a butt.

Plus a butt. Yeah, so I mean, if you are comfortable with butt stuff, you can lean forward to like give your partner even more of a view.

More access to the butt.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say. It's like, this is a great position to play with a little anal play. Yeah, like he can just use a toy or fingers. It's super accessible in that position. This is also a great position for clitoral stimulation. And I think this is a fantastic one for women who feel shy touching themselves in front of their partner. So to be clear, you do not need to be shy about this.

We don't want you to, but we understand that you may be.

Yeah, it's totally normal to be giving your body the kind of stimulation it needs during intercourse. Remember that the vast majority of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. That is just not how our bodies are wired. We need to invite the clitoris to the party. But if you are somebody who feels a little shy or nervous about this, this is a great position because he can't see what you're doing. You're facing away from him. So you could be going to town on yourself and your partner's not really going to know. So that, for that reason, like, it can work really, really well for female orgasm. Fall is just around the corner, but I am ready because I got some incredible new sweaters. from Quince. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples made with premium materials but priced at 50 to 80% less than similar brands, and that's because they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. I got some sweaters and cardigans made with their 100% Mongolian cashmere. The cashmere is so soft.

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They are, it's so soft and fuzzy and warm and just like drapes over you so nicely. We love it, the dogs love it. It's yet another winner from Cozy Earth. They make A ton of different products including bedding. They make towels. They make some of the softest, coziest pajamas that you've ever put on. We highly recommend checking them out. Go to cozyearth.com and use code PILLOW for up to 20% off home and sleepwear. That's cozyearth.com, code PILLOW. And when they ask where you heard about them at checkout, let them know you heard about them right here on Pillow Talk. The next section that we wanted to cover is what reverse cowgirl is good for. So in our Ultimate Sex Positions Guide, we have, I think it's 13 or 14, I can't remember, different cat— like we categorize every position and there's like a little index at the back. So if you're looking for like, this is what this position is good for, all these things. And if you're like, oh, I just want to find all the positions that are good for this, It's super fun and easy to find it. So of all of our different categories, we said reverse cowgirl is really great for anal play. We already talked about that one. It can be very fun for animalistic sex. We have a couple of different categories of animalistic sex or romantic sex. We have relaxing sex for ones that don't take a ton of physical exertion.

Yeah, with the animalistic sex, we have 2 here. It's good for animalistic sex, It also can be good for lasting longer for penis owners. And that, both of those I would say would be depending on how you do it. There's different ways of doing reverse cowgirl where there can be ways that you do it where it's super animalistic, and there can also be ways that you can do it that kind of reduce stimulation for him to help him last longer.

We also said that it is good for female orgasm, which I just talked about. Yeah, the lasting longer category. So this position, obviously this depends from person to person. We try to make that really clear too. Like, one person might say like, yeah, I can last way longer in this position, and somebody else might say, oh my God, are you kidding me? It's like the view is so hot, I come super quick. So obviously, everybody's unique, but in general, this position doesn't tend to be super stimulating for men or for penises, so a lot of men find that they can last longer. And super stimulating, to be clear, is not a bad thing. That doesn't mean like— Oh yeah. Oh, it doesn't feel good for him or anything. There are certain positions like doggy style. He's gonna be going to town in doggy style. Most men cannot last very long because it's just straight up really intense, exactly the way he wants it. He is in control of it versus a lot of positions when the woman is on top. He's not in control of the motion, so it tends to be a little less stimulating but still super pleasurable.

Yeah, especially if you were doing more rocking back and forth, forth rather than actual like bouncing up and down on the penis.

Yeah. We also think that it can be good for power play. So if you want to like roleplay dynamics or play around with like, you know, one person being dominant and one person being submissive, like if you're the person on top, you can play around with like being a little bit more dominant and telling your partner like, stay put, or you're not allowed to touch me, or, you know, I'm, I'm in control of everything here. It can also work for pregnancy. Your belly— For

being pregnant, not for getting pregnant.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

All of them work for getting pregnant.

I mean, it's up to you. But when you are pregnant, this can be a good one because your belly is out of the way. You know, some positions, obviously, like your belly gets squished. And this is another category where it really varies from person to person. But in general— Yeah, if you're pretty far along, you might not be super happy getting into that position in Well, no, I just mean like everybody's, you know, everybody's different, everybody's unique, but in general, we do find that pregnant women have an easier time in this position than in certain other positions. It can also, so it fits into this category that we call shallower penetration, and what we mean, there's a couple different things that we mean by this. Shallower penetration is really interesting because Shallower penetration tends to feel better for women. I think a lot of men have it in their heads that the thrusting that they should be doing should be like hard and fast and deep. And, you know, a lot of that comes from porn where like they're just trying to go all out as much as possible. So we women do not have a ton of nerve endings in our vaginas. The majority of our nerve endings are in our clitorises. So that's why the vast majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Of the nerve endings that we do have in the vagina though, the vast majority of them are clustered around the outer third of the vagina. So that's the shallow part of the vagina, not deep inside the vagina. So all these men who are pounding away, going to town, like of course that might be fun and certain people might like that and, you know, there's a time and place for everything. Like I like a good pounding sometimes. But from a nerve ending perspective, You are gonna make a woman feel a lot better if you focus on shallower penetration on that outer third of the vagina. Shallower penetration as a category also works really well for larger penises. And this is something that I find so fascinating about like the differences between men and women. Men all want to have a bigger penis. And I think men think—

Most men.

Have you ever met a man who didn't want to have a bigger penis?

I mean, at this point, knowing what I now know, I'm pretty satisfied with my own situation.

I think, you know, and again, a lot of this is from porn where you see like these guys are becoming porn actors for a reason. I think that like, I was actually just having a conversation about this with my girlfriends and we were trying to guess like, what do you think the average guy, like if you got 100 guys together and said like, what if you could choose your penis size, what would you pick? I think most guys would pick like 8 inches.

Yeah, probably.

I think they'd be like, yeah, 8 inches and like girthy. And the average woman is like, absolutely not. The average woman—

Get that snake away from me.

The average woman actually likes an average-sized penis, and the average Length is 5 inches when erect. Most women are like, perfect, that is exactly what I want. 8, 9, 10 inches, ugh, sounds horrifying. Yeah,

I think a lot of men think that like 8 is big but not too big. And I'm like, dude, at 8, you are too big for most people. I

think most women would say like 6 is big but not too big. So anyways, one of the downsides of having a large penis is that it can actually cause a lot of pain. We hear way more complaints from women about having a partner with a large penis than we do about having a partner with a small penis. I really truly think the average woman would rather, you know, again, average woman would rather have a totally average penis. But if she had to choose between too large and too small, I think a lot of women would go with too small because too large is painful. So anyways, if you're in the situation where you're like, yeah, I like, I can't even fit my partner's entire penis into my body. It hurts. He's slamming against my cervix. It feels uncomfortable. The shallower penetration category is really great for you. Okay, so let's get into the specifics of how to get into the position.

Yeah, I think that this is probably the thing that trips a lot of people up with this. This is like the part that feels intimidating because I think everyone kind of— most people understand how to get into cowgirl. This one, the angle is a little different. It feels different and it requires a little more care. All

right, so what should the guy or the giver do?

Lie on back, relax, take a load off. Don't try to do anything else. Please do not try to do anything else.

Okay, so if you're the woman or the receiver, you want to get on your knees facing your partner's feet, and you can be on one side of your partner's body. So you want to swing the other leg over to the other side of their torso. Be a little bit careful that you don't kick them because you can't really see your foot. You know, your foot's gonna be behind you. If

you're really worried about kicking them, you could start literally down at their feet and kind of get— straddle them at the feet and then scoot your booty back.

Another thing that you can do is stand and like stand and have your feet, you know, on either side of your partner's pelvis and then lower yourself down onto your knees that way. So lots of different ways you can get down to them. Yeah, get down on all fours. Very important thing here. You are extremely likely to need to use your hand for that initial penetration.

I wouldn't even say likely. I would say 100%, just use your hand. The number of people that, that get screwed up having sex because they're somehow averse to one or the other partner using a hand to help with penetration is mind-boggling.

It really is.

To me, like, this is like— you used to get clients when you had a private practice would be so frustrated. It'd been like years that they'd been married and trying to have sex, and they like are struggling to get pregnant or struggling to even have sex. And you would find out that the answer was just that they didn't understand how to actually achieve penetration because no one was using a hand. And it's, yeah, it's wild to me. So it's like, yeah, I know, like, in missionary, you can kind of get away with not always needing to use a hand, especially if there's a lot of lube involved. Mm-hmm. But man, oh man, just use your hand. And really, the receiver, like the receiver should be using their hand. Because the reality is, as the giver, you can grab your dick and try to direct it, but the reality is, is you don't know exactly where to put it unless the vagina is literally spread open and you can see it. Yeah. Whereas the giver knows exactly where that spot is on their own body and can direct it in. It just makes it so much easier. And also, like, I, you know, I think when And a lot of couples, when they're not very familiar with this, for the guy, every second that goes by where they're fumbling or lacking penetration, you're concentrating not on sex, but concentrating on the logistics of it. Mm-hmm. Every second that goes by, I guarantee what's going through his head is, am I still hard? Am I still hard enough? Am I starting to lose my erection? And once that starts to happen, he gets in his head and goes, oh, this is dangerous. Changing positions, anything out of what I am comfortable doing, Yeah. Is dangerous because then I can't perform. And so it's like, just the easiest way to solve this problem is just grab that dick and put it in.

Yeah, I remember thinking as a kid that like you were just, the penis was just supposed to get sucked into the vagina. Magnetic. Like magnet, mag— Magna. I can't speak. Magnet. Like it just went in there, like no effort needed whatsoever. And yeah, learning as an adult, I remember like the first few times, you know, everybody's had those experiences of like you're fumbling and you're trying to get it in and it's not going in. You're like, why isn't this working? What's going on? And it just feels so embarrassing and realizing like, oh, we can just use our frickin' hands. Like there's no rule that says you can't use your hands. And yeah, it's not that using your hands means you're bad at sex or you're inexperienced or you're not as good as other people are. Like it just sounds like—

No, it means you're good at sex and you wanna do it.

And you want to just be as efficient as possible. Like, use your hand to get that initial penetration going. And I think it's extra important with reverse cowgirl because the angle is a little bit different. Like—

The angle that the penis needs to go in. If you're watching on YouTube, you can, you can see this. But like, if the penis is typically at this— so like, here's the guy's body. I'm gonna— I've like got my hand out like flat on the bed. The penis is typically at this angle. So the guy's head's over here. Penis is usually angled about this way, but—

Kind of like pointing back towards his head.

Yeah, pointing back towards his head. But the penetration angle required for reverse cowgirl is a little more like this. It's— this is like 90, like 110 degrees. Like it's past 90, pointing more towards his feet. And don't worry, ladies, the penis is bendy. Even when it's hard. That's, I think maybe that's another reason why people are hesitant to like just grab it and put it in. It's like, oh, I don't know how far it can bend. You know, it can bend pretty far, and he will tell you if it hurts. And it's not going to be like you're going to break it. It's just going to be like, oh, that's a little too far.

Yeah.

And so that is not a natural angle for most penises. So that's why you got to grab it and kind of bend it down a little bit, At least to get it in initially.

So use your hand to get that angle correct, then slowly lower yourself down onto it. So then once you are in place, you're going to

be— Oh, definitely use some lube. If this is the first position that you are doing, you haven't already had penetration yet, definitely use some lube because this isn't anal.

Ooh, that just gave me an idea. Maybe we should add a category of like what are good first positions in a session? 'Cause I actually would say don't do reverse cowgirl as a first position.

Oh yeah, definitely don't. I mean, honestly, I would say, I would just off the top of my head, I would say missionary and cowgirl are probably the 2 best initial positions to go with because it's easy initial insertion. And then from there, yeah, once typically, once you have already started having sex in one of those 2 positions, then, you know, you've gotten all the self-lubrication going, the penis is lubricated, the outer lips of the vagina or the vulva are lubricated. And so it is easier to get into other positions because the penis will just slide in more easily.

Yeah.

In initial penetration, you know, often depending on your individual vulva, like, you know, you may have a lot of internal lubrication, but you don't have much on the outside. Mm-hmm. Yet. And so, um, that's why it's good to start in a position where it's easier to get in and then move on to positions where then having that lubrication is nice. If you wanna start with reverse cowgirl though, just lube up the penis, lube up your vulva. That'll make it a lot easier.

Okay. So once you are in place, you're gonna lean forward a bit and you have a, a couple of different options for how, like what to do with your hands. So you can put your hands on your thighs to kind of like prop yourself up. You can put them on your partner's thighs, or you can stretch forward a little bit more, put them on your partner's shins, or rest them on the bed on either side of their legs. I tend to prefer holding onto the partner's legs rather than the bed feels like a little bit lower.

The partner or my legs?

Your legs.

Thanks.

Well, you know, whoever I'm having sex with in that moment. No, I only have sex with Xander.

Hopefully usually me. Okay.

Now let's go into how to move. Again, look at this level of detail here. Where else do you see this? Okay, Xander, what are you gonna do if you're the man or the giver?

You're gonna enjoy the ride. I mean, maybe you could slap the ass a little bit, but no, I mean, basically you're just—

you are along for the ride. Well, no, this is just pelvic movement.

Essentially, you are along for the ride. You might be able to make some very slight Subtle pelvic movements. But in general, I would caution against too much of that. Definitely don't do the same kind of pelvic movement that you might do in cowgirl. And the reason is because of the angle of penetration is when you tilt your pelvis, your pelvis tilts up towards you, which brings your penis back towards you. And in this position, your penis is at the very least, needing to be straight up and down, like 90 degrees, or if anything, bent down towards your toes a little bit.

And so you rocking your pelvis will actually be counterproductive because it will kind of pull your penis up, but also backwards towards you and away from your partner. It'll cause some pressure that won't be helpful.

In general, when the woman is on top, and I think especially if the woman is somebody who feels like a little bit more shy or like less experienced being on top, I typically advise the man to not do a lot of movement. Because if you are trying to— like, this is more applicable in regular cowgirl. Like, if you're trying to thrust up into her and she's trying to grind down into you, like—

You're gonna miss each other.

You're gonna miss each other. You're gonna throw each other off. And a lot of women complain about this where they're like, Just stay still and let me do my thing. You're throwing me off if you're thrusting back up into me. Yeah, it's kind of a pro move. It's a pro move. You can do it with a lot of practice and the two of you have to really be in sync. It's kind of like musicians in some way. You have to be on the exact same rhythm 'cause if somebody's slightly off, it just gets thrown off so quickly. The other thing you can do is you could, as the guy or the giver on bottom, you could tell your partner, Stay still. Like, this could be a part of a little power play kind of dynamic. Stay still, or like you grab onto her hips and you do all the thrusting. So like that can be hot too in regular cowgirl. It doesn't work so well in reverse cowgirl. Okay, so if you're the one on top, what you're gonna be doing for your movement is rocking your hips back and forth towards your partner's feet and away from them. We recommend doing more of this like back and forth grinding motion. A lot of women think that cowgirl is supposed to be like bobbing up and down frantically like what you see in porn, and like Xander already said, that's super hard on your thighs and knees. You're only gonna be able to do that for a few seconds, and it's also not actually the most pleasurable movement for either of you. Instead, this grinding motion can be a lot, lot more pleasurable. And a next-level move here that we talk about a lot in Ultimate Sex Positions is, as you are grinding, do a slight tuck of your pelvis underneath you. So it's almost like you're trying— you're imagining creating like a gentle C-curve with your spine. So a lot of people, we think of thrusting as just this like back and forth, like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da kind of thing. And actually, if If we put more of that rock into it, it can be so much more pleasurable. It's something that we go into in a lot more detail in Ultimate Sex Positions. It's a really just game-changing way for both partners to move during intercourse. You could also grind your pelvis in circles. That can be fun as— I wouldn't do that the entire time, but that can be super sexy to do for a minute or 2, or take a little bit of a breather and just do those circles. can be really fun. Okay, our next category that we get into is ways to play with reverse cowgirl position. So we go over like here's the basics, but then what are some adjustments that you can make, ways to take it to the next level, little, you know, varieties that like variations that you can do on the position. One thing that could be super hot is do it in front of a mirror so you both get to see what's going on. Mm-hmm. That can be super hot. If you're the woman or receiver, really play around with all the different angles that you're holding your body at. So you can be like sitting straight upright and then bend way forward too. So even like just little changes in angle can make a surprisingly big difference. And with this one, you can really come down all the way, like onto— grab your partner's ankles or their shins so you're really like bent over forward. And then one other tip is sometimes women struggle to straddle their partner's body. So if your partner is on the wider side, maybe your legs are on the shorter side, you know, we have a foot height difference between the two of us. So when we were making this guide, we tried to be really conscious of different size bodies.

Yeah, makes a difference.

It makes a big difference. So if you're struggling to straddle your partner's body, One great trick that you can do is put a pillow underneath each of your knees. This like brings you up further so that your legs don't have to stretch quite so far across. I hate to break it to you, but you are probably dehydrated.

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All right, let's get into the Instagram questions that we got about reverse cowgirl.

Okay, well, we— our first question is, how can I prevent his penis from popping out? What is the best angle for keeping him in?

So if his penis is popping out, it means that you're coming too far up off the penis. My guess is that this person is doing that bobbing scene in pornography. Yeah, doing the porn way. Yeah, where you're trying to bob up and down and it's just really easy to pop right off.

Yeah. I mean, there are 2 ways, just like cowgirl, you can bob up and down.

You can give the experience of riding All the way up the penis and all the way back down. And that can be super hot to watch. I imagine, although in reverse cowgirl, it's a little bit less of a leg or knee workout because you're already on your knees. It's not like cowgirl where you're deciding between, are you on your knees or are you actually squatting on your feet?

I think that if you do want to be doing that movement where you're going up and down, you got to be in more communication with your partner because your partner Your partner will actually be able to see exactly how far up the penis you are. He needs to give you some feedback where it's like, hey, that is as high as you can go. So you get used to the feeling of, okay, this is how high I am able to go.

Also though, sit more upright. The more forward that you lean, the more it like kind of stretches his penis in that direction that it's not supposed to go. So the more forward that you're leaning, the easier it's gonna be for it to pop out. So stay more upright.

Yeah, but in general, yeah, I would focus, you know, it can be fun to do that all bobbing all the way up and down for a little bit, but then try to focus on, get into more of a grinding motion, where the goal is not, I'm going all the way to the tip of the penis.

Okay, we kind of touched on this earlier, but Zander, let's see if you have other thoughts about this. I'm worried about bending my husband's penis in a bad way, as opposed to bending it in a good way. Any tips on how not to do that? Talk to me about a bendy penis.

Okay, the real simple answer to this This, though, the tip for how to not do that is be in communication with him. He will tell you the second that it is too far. And then you will know, oh, I can't bend over that far, or I can't, you know, move in this way or that way.

Don't take responsibility of that off of him. Like, that is his responsibility to do. Don't worry about that. Like, he can tell you. And also, When it comes to your penis bending, it bends a lot and doesn't hurt at all. Then it will start to— you will start to feel, okay, this is starting to feel a little uncomfortable. It's not like breaking a bone where it's like all of a sudden you're at the end of the range of motion and then it's just like crack.

That's not how it works. This is like muscle tissue, basically. If you are really worried about that though, and really in your head about it, I think that you You could have a kind of test run with him where it's like, hey, I just want to— let's see, why don't you show me how far your penis can bend? So you could have him lie there, and then he could move his penis and be like, hey, this is fine. This feels fine. This feels fine. Oh, okay, there. It's starting to stretch a little, but still okay. And then like, oh, okay, this is as far as I'd want to go. What I would focus on is get your initial penetration relatively Straight up and down. So be sitting more straight up when you're doing the initial penetration. Don't try to be like leaning over so you're like on your elbows when you are doing that initial penetration. That is going to require his penis to be at quite an angle to get in. So yeah, start fairly straight up at about 90 degrees over him, and then start slowly bending down and just ask him how he's doing. All right. Our next one is, I feel disconnected from my partner because we're not making eye contact.

Yeah. I mean, that's an unavoidable reality of this position. You are not making eye contact. It's too awkward to— you can't turn around and try to swivel around. So that just is this position.

Though, that's an argument for using a mirror, because that is— if you have a mirror at one end of the room and the person writing is facing the mirror, Both of you are facing the mirror, then you could actually look at each other. But again, this is not the most— this is not an intimate position. We do have a category.

It's not under the romantic category. That's right.

Yeah, we have a category for that, and it is definitely not one of them.

Yeah, and I think we have to be realistic about positions and what kind of experience they create. Like some positions you can— like missionary is a great example. You can have slow, tender, sweet missionary, and you can have intense, like wild, raw missionary. But this reverse cowgirl, it's not really a position that you can make it super intimate. So sometimes we just have to like accept the realities of positions. That being said, there are a couple of ways to feel a little bit more connected. The mirror, like you said, is a great example. Another thing could be like have your partner be like gently caressing your back. Yeah. So there's like more physical, you know, contact between the two of you.

Yeah, you can rub, you can scratch. Touch gently. Like, it's a— can be really—

Hold on to your hips or something. Also talking to each other in this position so you feel like connected, you feel your partner there like with you. That can make the position feel a little bit different.

Yeah. What I will say is that in general, this would be a position where I would recommend don't spend your entire time having sex in this position. Like, this is a great position to move between. between a couple of positions, where I think, yeah, it's gonna feel disconnecting if you're like, all right, let's start here and spend 10 minutes having intercourse in this position where we don't even look at each other's eyes at all, and that's that.

Yeah, of course, that's gonna feel disconnecting.

Yeah.

And I think I'd also challenge you a little bit and say, wonder what is coming up for you if you're feeling that Like every single 100% of the entire sexual experience has to be, you know, super connecting with eye contact. Because that is going to knock out a lot of positions for you.

And, you know, I think that, you know, maybe it's like, you know, if you have some shame when it comes to sex or sort of some feelings about it, then yeah, I could understand how you might be like, oh, well, I feel a little icky about it. And so the way I feel better about it— it is being able to see my partner. And it's like, oh yeah, we're together in this. So that could be an invitation for you to do a little bit of work on like, oh, does something feel dirty or gross to you?

Yeah.

About, about, you know, being in a little bit of a more animalistic type of sexual vibe.

So I think that's just an interesting invitation. But yeah, I would say if you feel disconnected, I would still try it. Like, try it, do it for 30 seconds, do it for a minute, and then move on. To something else. This is— it's great to flip around into regular cowgirl after this, or to flip from cowgirl into reverse cowgirl. Definitely don't flip like while you're still inside of each other. That could cause a problem, but—

A little twisting action.

Yeah, don't do that.

Yeah, that might be a little too tough. Okay, next question is, where are my legs supposed to go? Should I be up on my feet or on my knees? On your knees, like we covered before. Yeah,

don't do your feet. I don't think we ever tried that.

You can be up on your feet, but again, you're gonna last like 30 seconds. Unless you have something to hold on—

unless you have like a sex room where you have like a bar, if you literally have something to hold on to, or you're just like, I don't have time to go to the gym today and this is how I'm gonna work out.

This is my workout. Yeah, no, up on like on your knees is going to be way, way more

Okay. How to make it more pleasurable for the girl on top? It doesn't feel stimulating enough most times.

I mean, I would say, first of all, like, this isn't the most stimulating position for women either. I think standard cowgirl feels much more pleasurable. Reverse, the angle is just totally different. And so it's fun and it's sexy and it can be a nice, like, change of pace, but I wouldn't say, like, I wouldn't put this in my top 10 favorite positions from a pure, you know, physical sensation perspective.

Yeah, and it actually makes sense because reverse cowgirl, the penis is putting pressure on the, the rear portion of the vaginal wall, right?

Because the penis is trying to come back towards the guy's body.

Yeah, it's, it's pushing on the side of your vagina that's closest to your back, but the internal portion of the clitoris is on the anterior Or the front wall of the vagina.

Which is why regular cowgirl can be great.

Yeah, regular cowgirl, it's like the penis is naturally rubbing right against there, whereas when you flip it around to reverse, you're rubbing against the back wall where there just are not really any nerve endings there.

But on the flip side, like you said earlier, reverse cowgirl is a great position for giving yourself clitoral stimulation. So while the penis may not be indirectly stimulating the clitoris very much, if at all, you can really directly stimulate your clitoris without any obstruction or without any, I don't know, concern about doing it in front of your partner because they can't even see you doing it.

Yeah. So you should be touching your clitoris with your hand or using a toy on yourself. What should I do with my hands as the guy?

Well, I think we kind of talked about that. Grab her hips, but don't try to be directing her hips. Just put your hands on her hips unless she's telling you to, because I think that can just kind of screw up her own motion. You can grab her hips, you can grab her butt, you can rub her back, you can lightly scratch her back, you can run your fingers through her hair or scratch the scalp neck area. Those are all really nice things. You can pull her hair if she likes that. There's a lot of options. You can also put your finger in her butt.

What about just twiddling your thumbs?

You could also do that, I guess. Is that kind of The, like, oh, I'm thinking about baseball, so I don't come. So I'm gonna like twiddle my thumbs.

Twiddle my thumbs.

Yeah, you could twiddle your thumbs. So because we haven't given very many directions to the guys here, basically it's like, don't get in the way. Enjoy the view and don't get in the way.

Okay. And then our last question is how to more seamlessly flow in and out of the position. This position, I would say, doesn't lend itself super well to No super smooth transitions.

No.

Like, it's a— there aren't a lot of positions where you're in this orientation with each other. So this is another thing that I think it comes down to, like, just being realistic about each position and the pros and cons of each. And I think a lot of people get a little bit tripped up about transitioning in between positions, and like, they want it to be so smooth and effortless and like we just flow in between things. And the reality is that transitioning between positions sometimes is just awkward. Like you have to fully get up and fully end the penetration and turn around and get into a different position. Like that is okay. It's okay. We don't always have to seamlessly flow. That being said, we did, like we know that people are so into wanting to do this and like it can be fun sometimes to feel like positions do flow. So in our Ultimate Sex Positions Guide, we do have a whole section of the guide called Transitions where we do, we talk about like what positions each position like seamlessly flows in and out of and we have like whole adventures of like here are 7 or 8 different positions where like you can go from this one to this one to this one to this one without having to, you know, do a ton of rearranging. So I just wanna share both things. We do have that in the guide and it's also okay for it to be— I've

got 2 tips here. Number one tip, if you're— because Vanessa's totally right, there are not a lot of—

I can't think of any position where you can seamlessly move from reverse cowgirl into something else without some real acrobatics that could be dangerous. But the reality is getting up and moving into another position does not need to be this big scary thing. And I think the easiest way to mitigate that is decide before you get off. Decide before you exit the penetration. Basically say, hey, what position do we want to try next? Talk about it while you are still having sex in that position and decide, oh, okay, we're going to go to whatever next. Okay, great. All right, let's do it. So that there's a plan. I think a lot of people, it's like, She jumps off and then she's like, oh, what should we do now? And then you're deciding. And it's like, yeah, that's not going to feel seamless, obviously, because you haven't decided yet. The one position that I think would be probably the most seamless, but still is going to require getting off and then rearranging, would be moving straight into doggy style because she could get off of him and basically then be on all fours. All he would have to do is sit up and kind of then get his knees back under him and get into doggy style. But it's for sure going to require, you know, the penis coming out of the vagina.

All right. Well, that wraps up our full breakdown of reverse cowgirl. I hope this has been super helpful for you, and we definitely recommend giving this position a try. And if you are curious to check out our ultimate sex position guide, which has 46 other positions broken down in this level of detail, along with a ton of other fun features like the different categories, those adventures that we just mentioned, some fun games that you can play, then you can go straight to vmtherapy.com/positions. That's vmtherapy.com/positions. We will also put that link in the show notes for you. That's all for us today. Thanks so much for listening. Join us again next week. We release new episodes Every Thursday.