Episode 150: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Volume 3)

That was some of the worst sex we've ever, ever had. The song was horrible, the beat is horrible. It's just everything. Everything was bad and wrong and I don't ever want to do that again. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.

And I'm just a regular D. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Thanks to Dipsea for supporting Pillow Talks. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com pillow and thanks to Cozy Earth for continuing to support Pillow Talks. Give the gift of a good night's rest with Cozy Earth. Get up to 35% off site wide when you use code pillow talks@cozyearth.com we are back today with another installment of Smash or Pass.

I'm so excited.

I am too.

It's been a while and this is seriously. This is one of the most fun things that we do. I keep feeling like we're gonna run out of things to try.

Like we do not.

Maybe we won't. Maybe we can just keep doing these regularly because it's so good.

So if you've never heard of Smash or Pass before, it is our series where we try out the Internet's weirdest sex tips so you don't have to. We force ourselves to be the guinea pigs. We try all these weird things out and we give you our real, honest, unbelievable, unfiltered opinions. So you can decide if you're going to try these weird things out. Because I will say we have done two Smash or Pass episodes now. Definitely go back and listen to those ones if you enjoy this one. This is our third installment. There have been a few diamonds in the rough.

Yeah. And at least one like real legit shiny diamond that we have come back to and done independent of Snapper Snap.

Snap or Pass.

Smash or Pass. We have done this independently. We loved it of that because we actually really enjoy it in bed. We talk about that. Was that in the first Smasher Pass.

Oh, I don't. I think it was the second, actually.

Well, you're not.

Because the first one was like a foreplay edition. The second one was an intercourse.

It was the intercourse edition.

And this is like a grab bag edition today. All sorts of different tips. So we went into this optimistic, you know, hopeful that we'd find another winner.

And maybe we do.

You will see.

But first, we are going to smash together this week's review of the week.

Ooh, I see what you did there.

You like that?

Wow.

You like that? Yeah. Let's smash this baby. Simply magical. Vanessa and Xander discuss their topics from a very approachable perspective and cover many perspectives. They knock it out of the park every time. My husband, who is not a listener I'm working on it, knows about everything I hear from Pillow Talks because I bring it up so much. This podcast creates meaningful conversations that help us learn and grow as a couple. And their courses are phenomenal. The initiation course will save your life. Promise. I'm a counselor in training, so this podcast provides insights on multiple levels. I also admire how they set boundaries with their audience. This is such a good way to model healthy practices. Thank you both for discussing much needed topics while keeping it real and sharing your expertise with us. Wow.

Thank you so much for this incredible review. So cool.

That is such a ringing endorsement. I love it.

We will also put the link to that initiation course. That's the art of initiation. It will save your life in the show notes. Save youe Life is pretty strong, but.

Save your sex life.

It'll save your sex life. There we go. It'll save your sex life. It's really amazing. Really fun. Practical, but yet sexy guide to getting better at initiating. So if you've never heard us talk about reviews, they truly are the best way to support the podcast. It only takes you about 30 seconds to leave a review, but it can have a lasting effect for years to come. So we really appreciate you taking that time to leave us a review. So here's how it works. Go to the main Pillow Talks page on Apple Podcasts. Scroll to the bottom and you'll find the review section. If you take 30 seconds to leave us a review down there, we will enter you in our giveaway. And every week going forward, you will automatically be entered in the giveaway. And if you hear your review read on an episode, reach out to us@infomtherapy.com and we will give you a free prize.

And by the way, when you're on our podcast page, just smash that follow button as well so that you get every single one of our episodes the moment we drop them.

All right, so let's get into the episode. So the setup here is that we put a question box up On Instagram, we asked, you guys, tell us the weirdest sex tips you've ever read, heard come across urban legends from friends, magazines.

Wherever, stuff maybe you want to try, but you're too scared to even consider.

Yeah, we'll do it for you. So I said, what's something that you've been curious about? What's the weirdest tip you've heard? We put them together, and our team member Emma picked the top ones for us to try out.

Thanks, Emma.

So we did some sessions. We had some sex sessions where we tried all of these tips out.

We did some sessions, and I think.

I want to talk about this for a second, because we often, often get asked the question, does sex ever feel clinical to you guys? Or even does sex feel like an expectation or an obligation because it is your work? And this is the prime example of something that I think could feel very clinical. Like, oh, gosh, we have all these tips. We have to try them out. A lot of them are probably going to be pretty bad. Is that going to be embarrassing? Are we going to humiliate ourselves in front of each other? Is it going to be awkward, weird sex? But let me tell you, the research sessions that we have had prepping for Smash or Pass have been some of the best sexual experiences of my life. And I will say, like, objectively, we've had a lot of bad sex within those sessions.

Yeah. Spoiler alert. The majority of the tips are not.

Very good, but the act of trying them has felt so, so intimate. Like, it's really surprised me. It has not felt embarrassing or awkward. Even the stuff that was horrible that I was like, I am never doing this again. It still felt so fun to try those things out with you.

Yeah. I mean, and then we laugh and we move on, and then, you know, eventually we ran out of things, and then we just had normal sex, and we're, like, laughing together. We're feeling really close together. And, you know, that's where that really fun, good sex comes from.

I think that's a really important thing for people to recognize, because, of course, we all put this pressure on ourselves to have amazing sex, to be the best our partners ever had, to, like, have the spark, all that kind of stuff. But sex doesn't have to be perfect in order to be bonding and intimate and connecting and fun.

In fact, the more imperfect it is, the more of all that it becomes, the more bonding, fun, intimate it becomes. That's what I would argue.

And. And I also think there's really a place for laughter in the bedroom. Like, Some of the most fun, memorable experiences that we've ever had have been times where we're laughing at ourselves, at each other, at the situation, at the tip. It's, you know, it doesn't need to be something that we're so afraid of. It doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Like, it's okay to be playful and have fun with each other. All right, so let's get to the tips. So the first one that we tried out was using a hairbrush to stimulate your bodies. So the person wrote in, essentially, it's just like dry brushing, but you're doing it during foreplay. So you get naked and very gently brush each other's bodies. Start with the arms, shoulders, chest, and work your way up from the feet and the legs. Then finally, this very specific tip here. Finally, work on the abdomen and thighs for men. Finish on the testicles.

Okay, so I, I get the, like, idea behind this when I get the direction, like, I imagine that whoever came up with this sort of drew inspiration from, you know, the feeling of, like, using your fingernails lightly, like to kind of scratch. Scratch isn't even the right word, but like, to just move along your body. Like, you love that. Like when I use my, my nails.

Scratching.

Yeah, to like, scratch you on your back but lightly. Like, I'm not like, leaving scratch marks on. But yeah. So like, the brush is, you know, just kind of going to do that. It's a tool that can do that with, like, a lot of little brushes, a lot of little tiny fingernails.

Okay, well, Xander, tell me, was this a smash or a pass for you? How did you feel about me brushing your entire body with my hairbrush?

All right, so this was a pass for me. Like, okay, when you first, if you just try to brush your body with a hairbrush, it doesn't feel very good. Or at least the hairbrush that you have doesn't feel very good. I mean, I feel like I don't use a hairbrush really ever. But I feel like I've seen a number of hair brushes in my day, and they're all very different in terms of, like, what the actual the brushes look like. What do you call them? The tip. What do you call the tip of the hairbrush? The brushes? The bristles. Like, yeah, like what the bristles are. Yours is kind of a what? It's a more firm, like hard plastic, right?

Uh huh.

And yeah, it just felt like kind of firm, A lot of firm, hard plastic rubbing along me. And so first we immediately realized, okay, it's got to be really, really light.

Yeah.

Right. And even when it was really light. Yeah. It felt very impersonal. Like, I think what I like about your fingers or like, even your fingernails, like, rubbing me, is that you can, you know, you feel some warmth. It's like a body part.

My dead little fingernails.

Oh, not when you put it that way. I mean, they are ruining the moment here. Well, to be clear, I don't love the fingernails as much as you do.

I love a good fingernail.

Vanessa loves my dead fingernail. My big dead fingernails. She loves that. I wouldn't say. You know, I wasn't really thinking of, like, the fingernail so much. When you touch. I just like it when you touch me with your finger. Rub your. Like, run your fingers along me. Right. And yeah, it just felt very different from that and not in a good way. What was it like for you?

It felt very bizarre to be brushing your entire body with my Dyson hairbrush. It just felt, like, very strange. There wasn't anything. You know, I like touching your body because I'm also experiencing, you know, sensation in my fingers.

Yeah, you got something out of it.

Yeah. But when I'm just brushing your whole body with a hairbrush, there's no. Yeah, there's nothing in it for me. And I could see your face just immediately, like, no, I don't. I don't like this. So it was. It was not enjoyable. That was a hard pass for me. But we did try it again with a dry brush.

Like a body brush.

A body brush. Like, I have a brush that I use to, like, you know, dry brush my skin. The bristles are a lot softer. So we decided to try that. And I thought that this might be better because I like brushing my own. I like doing dry brushing. Like, it feels good and invigorating.

I have an interesting. I. I'm curious, though, for you. I don't. I can't answer this question because I don't use that dry brush on myself. I'm curious, though. For you, did it feel, like, markedly different, me doing it to you versus you doing it to yourself? Because I know you said you like it when you do it yourself, and it's invigorating, but I suspect that when.

You do it to yourself, it's a totally different purpose. Like, I'm doing it for body circulation and, like, all that kind of stuff. It's not for pleasure.

Yeah. It's not sexual.

Yeah. So, yeah, the body brush did not really. I think it's better than a hairbrush.

But it was not it was a little softer, but in exchange for the, like, you know, more soft bristles. There's a hell of a lot more bristles.

Yeah.

And so then it was just like. Yeah. Kind of still ended up feeling hard. I will say it. Like, I did allow Vanessa to, you know, move it down to my genitals, and it was okay. Like, as. As barely okay as is possible. Like, I would never seek this out. I would never be like, oh, yeah, get that body brush, baby. Brush the shit out of my junk. Like, never, Never. However, it was like, you know, ooh. It gave you, like, a little tiny tickle. A little tiny zing.

Tiny zing.

I'm not sure it would have gotten me where I needed to go, but it was like, all right. Like, I guess, like, if I had to pick one spot for you to lightly brush me, like, sure, I'll pick the dick.

I think you were trying really hard to like it. I think you were like, be okay. And you were. You were. Yeah. You were like, okay. It's like, all right. But I couldn't have continued for more than a few seconds. You would have been like, this brush. Like, please, please stop.

Yeah. Yes, that's accurate. I mean, I'm. Guys, I'm trying really hard for you. I'm doing this for you, for everybody listening. You know, I just want to give it my all in case it magically becomes really incredible, and I have to share that with you. But it didn't.

Okay, so this one, using a hairbrush on your body. This was a hard pass for us. We forgot to say at the top of this episode, like, of course, every body and everybody is unique, so there may be certain things that we tried that you might like. That's totally cool. But I could.

I could see. I could see maybe some people really liking this if they really like that specific type of stimulation that a brush gives.

Yeah. I mean, other times we've said. We've said, like, we didn't personally like this, but we think it's something that everybody should try. I would not give that designation to this particular tip.

Yeah, it's probably not worth being like, all right, let's pull this brush out to see if I'm, you know, one of the 5% of people that might love it. Yeah, but you give it a try. I mean, if you find yourself, like, having a little zing when you're just, like, brushing your hair or brushing your shoulders or something with your hairbrush, then ask your partner to give it a shot on you, because you'll probably like it, but otherwise. Yeah. Pass.

All right. Our next tip was called cross stimulation. The effect of touching opposite points on the body, that is kissing the neck while running a hand along the waist or the leg of the opposite side. So I actually had some moderate expectations of this one. I thought, oh, that sounds. That sounds intriguing. That sounds like maybe there's some. Maybe there's some science or some anatomy.

Involved in this, some polarity, you know, opposite ends.

So tell me, Xander, smash or pass for you?

Pass. This. This is a crock of shit. This was an absolute crock of shit. Like, it just feels like you're being touched on both sides of your body. I mean, it. I guess it is exactly what it says it is. Maybe my expectations were too high, but it just. I mean, usually if you are touching someone, like, with two hands, you are already touching them on opposite sides of their body.

Yeah.

So it felt like I was, like, waiting for there to be something more, and there wasn't. There was, like, oh. So literally Vanessa was, like, rubbing, you know, like, on both sides, and I was like, okay, well, like, you first. You were, like, rubbing, like, from, like, up to down on both sides. And I was like, all right, what if you do, like, up to down on one side and down to up on the other side and. No, nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Hard pass for us. All right. The next idea came from TikTok. I don't want to play the TikTok because I don't want to make fun of the young woman who made this TikTok. But basically she made a TikTok running through a bunch of hand job tips. And one of the tips she gave was, she said that it was too awkward to have to use lube during a hand job. So in instead, what she recommends is take two fingers and gag yourself, because when you gag yourself, you get the thick saliva that comes up. And that thick saliva is better for using lube as a hand job. This one, I'm just gonna go straight ahead and say it is a hard pass. This is terrible, terrible advice. First of all, there's nothing awkward about grabbing a bottle of lube to give a hand job. Like that shows your partner that you really care about the experience for them. You want it to be a top tier experience because there's nothing worse than a dry ass hand job.

Oh, yeah.

So you want it to be a good experience. So first of all, let's not be awkward about lube. There's nothing shameful about lube. Nothing awkward or weird about lube. But second of all, who Wants to be gagging themselves for any reason, much less giving a hand job. And how is gaggin yourself in front of your partner less awkward than just reaching for a bottle of Lou? Like, just imagine the mechanics. Your partner's there naked, ready to go. You're starting to touch them, and then you're like, hold on, hold on. Like, what would you do? Honestly, if you're sitting there naked and I'm gagging myself and then dripping the dripping thick saliva onto your penis.

Oh, God. I mean, is it like. Is it like colored saliva? Is this, like, kind of like yellow maybe?

I'm barfing on you?

Like, like the yellow sick saliva? Yes. Oh, God. I would be losing wood. Quick. Real quick.

This is the weirdest and worst idea that I've heard in a long, long time. It makes zero sense. Don't do it.

Yeah. Okay, I got a couple things about this one. Okay, so number one, if you have a partner, a male partner who somehow thinks that using lube is awkward or like, AKA they don't or haven't ever used lube themselves, like, there's something like they are seriously missing out. Like, I think the vast majority of men masturbate with lube. Like, who are not still teenagers. Like, men who are actually of age have been sexually active or not even sexually. I, like, just actively masturbating for a long time. Should be using lube. I mean, it did take me probably until. Like, it took me a little while to graduate to lube. I'll be honest. Yeah, probably like partway into college or something like that. I was. I was a lotion guy for a while, but I realized, oh, yeah, there's actually this stuff that is way better and made specifically for this purpose. But yeah, like, if you are an adult and you're not using lube and then you have like, a weird thing about lube. Like, this sounds like it's just really more like targeted towards women who have never touched lube before and somehow think that it's going to weird their partner out, when in fact, their partner uses it all the time. Probably has some in their dresser already.

Okay, moving on. This next one, there were just some really weird ones this time around. This one was called using surgical gloves for a hand job. And so I know what you might be thinking. Like, oh, you put gloves on to do the hand job. Maybe there's something special about the glove.

Oh, no, it's a medical kink.

Oh, no, friend, it's not using a glove in that way. Here's what the tip is Fill the glove with lubricating lotion and slip it over his penis.

What is lubricating lotion? Just quick question, because I've never heard of that.

We just use lube, regular lube. It provides a sensation that's incredibly similar to a vagina, but by using your hand, you can apply different rhythmic pressures that you can't do with your vaginal muscles. Okay. First of all, I was really worried about how much lube we were going to have to use, because it says, fill a glove, and gloves are large. That's like multiple bottles of lube.

Yeah. And then imagine there's, like, five fingers that have to fill up.

Yeah. All the fingers have to fill.

The.

The hand part has to fill.

Vanessa was very overly. Vanessa was very overly focused on the. Like, she was reading this tip very literally and was like, I have to fill this glove up. I don't.

I'll. I'll deplete our entire lube stash. I don't think I even have enough to fill. Fill an entire glove.

Probably not.

But then how do you take a full glove, a glove filled with liquid, and then turn it upside down and put your partner's penis in it? Like, how does that not all just come splashing out and you've got a lube puddle all over the bed?

The answer is it doesn't. The answer is you don't do it that way. And that's what I kept having to tell her. I was like, just put a little lube in and kind of, like, mix it around.

Here's the problem. So we ended up just putting a bit of lube in, and I did, like, mash the glove up. So I felt like there was lube all over the inside of the glove, but then it's like, nothing. Like, why am I putting a glove on with a little bit of lube inside of it on your penis? Like, it made no sense. Yeah.

Now we're kind of getting to the heart of it.

So I added. I tried adding a bit more lube, but it was so bizarre. So the glove is just like. Also, the glove is large, so no penis is anywhere near as girthy as that glove is. So it's just kind of in there. So you're having to, like, hold down on the base of the glove to make sure all the lube doesn't come out. And then there's all the fingers of the glove, which are just flopping around everywhere. So we actually ended up recording a voice memo while we were playing around with this. I'm gonna Just play it right now. And you're just gonna have to try to understand what's happening here.

This is weird. The finger is, like, fully inflated.

Just stick it straight up.

Get it away from the finger.

Just a finger at the club sticking straight up makes my dick look a.

Lot bigger, but also a lot skinnier at the diploma. Okay.

So what was happening is, as I was trying to use it in the hand job is like, one. The middle finger inflated. Yeah.

Because it pushed.

So you're pushing air up into there.

My dick pushed all the air into the middle finger, which then was, like, erect. So it's, like, past my penis. It gave me an extra, like, three inches of really narrow length.

So it's just this, like, inflated finger from the glove sticking up straight on the head of his penis. It looked so weird.

It was a little. It was kind of like those. Those, like, inflatable car dealership things that. That. Yeah. That sway around.

Okay. So, Xander, did the lubricated glove provide a sensation that was incredibly similar to a vagina?

It did not.

It did not.

However, I want to be. I want to be. I want to be honest. It did provide a sensation. It was. Up until that point, it was the best thing that we had tried, and it did serve the purpose of getting me hard so that we could continue. But, like.

Yeah, I mean, I gave you a good hand job through the glove, but the glove didn't contribute any. It's basically like, if you're gonna use a fucking glove, why not just use a condom? It's basically like you're just giving a hand job with a condom on.

Yeah. Which is basically just not as good as a hand job without a condom. Because. Because the condom or. Or the glove is taking away some of the warmth from the finger. So it's.

Yeah, the whole thing was weird.

It's kind of comical. The one thing I will say is that I'm guessing that what's kind of behind here is, like, backing into, like, a. Like. Like a sleeve type toy that could be used for hand jobs or masturbating for. For penis owners. Like, there are toys out there that mimic this, but they. They are, like, thicker. They have texture on the inside. They're actually meant for this purpose. So if you are looking for, you know, experimenting with something like that, by all means, like, go. Go to a, you know, a sex shop and look for, you know, some of these, like, penis sleeve type things. Like, that is a real thing. The glove, though, is really, really a poor imitation of that.

Before we go any further, we want to tell you a little bit more about our podcast sponsors because we love them and we really appreciate that they let us bring pillow talks to you absolutely free of charge. So first up, we want to talk about Dipsea. Dipsea is an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. So as a sex therapist, one of the biggest complaints that I hear from my female clients is they feel like they don't have any desire and they don't really understand like what do they need to get turned on and the mood and excited for sex. So that's why I'm really thankful to Dipsea for being a podcast sponsor because they are a great option for getting yourself turned on and finding more about what you like and what gets you going. Dipsea brings scenarios to life with immersive soundscapes and realistic characters. There are stories about second chance romances, adventurous vacation flings, hot and heavy hookups. There's also a fantasy series with vampires, Greek gods and fantasies, fairy smut. New content is released every week and they're even starting to branch into sleep stories, wellness sessions and sexy written stories. If you prefer reading. I think Dipsea is such a great company. We have heard from so many of you who have tried out the app and have just been shocked by how big of a difference it makes on helping you get excited and feel connected to your desire again. So for listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.compillow that's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D I P s e a stories.com pillow dipsystories.com pillow and next up, let's tell you a little bit more about Cozy Earth. I am currently recording this from my Cozy Earth Draped bed Cozy Earth Sheets Cozy Earth Duvet they have the best bedding I promise you. We have tried so many different companies for bedding and I have not discovered sheets and linens that I love anywhere near as much as I love Cozy Earth. We really love working with Cozy Earth and they are offering you up to 35% off site wide when you use the code. Pillow talks@cozy earth.com Cozy Earth Bedding is ethically sourced using premium viscose from highly sustainable bamboo. They've made Oprah's favorite things five years in a row. Their bedding is naturally temperature regulating and breathable so you sleep more comfortably all year round. And this is so impressive. Their bedding comes with a hundred night sleep trial. You have 100 nights to sleep on them, wash them, try them out. If you're not completely in love, just return them within 100 days for a full refund. They have luxury bedding, ultra comfortable loungewear, plush bath towels, and so much more. If you've never tried Cozy Earth, I've got news. You can save up to 35% off Cozy Earth right now. Go to cozyearth.com and enter our promo code pillowtalks at checkout for up to 35% off. That's cozyearth.com promo code, pillow talks. Okay, next up, we have the Nose Dive method. It's the perfect clitoral stimulator. A nose is firm but not too hard, and it will stimulate the entire clitoral area as well as the surrounding tissue. So, Xander, tell us, what was it like trying to stimulate my clitoris with your nose?

All right, so you know what? It seems like there's something to this. A nose is firm. Yes, it is firm. It is not too hard. That's true. It's a lot of cartilage. I guess it can stimulate the entire clitoral area. However, Wait, wait. I just want to say. However, try this right now. Try, like, moving your nose around. Like, try, like, putting something up to your nose and then, like, being, like, very precise.

I mean, just try rubbing. Rubbing your nose on the back of your hand. Like.

Yeah. So, like. Yeah, try being really precise. Like, first, like, go kind of slow and, like, that's kind of weird. Then, like, try going fast. Like, how you might, you know, as you're kind of, like, heating things up, stimulating a clit with your fingers, like, how fast you might go. And pretty soon you're like. You're really, like, shaking your head. Like, it kind of like, I can feel like my. I can feel my ears, like, sliding around on my head.

Like, your ears are sliding around.

I don't know. I can feel, like, my cheek, you know, like, my cheeks.

Like, we're have to do something with the video of this, because I don't. It's like the horrible move from porn, though, where you just, like, stick your tongue out and shake your head. Like, oh, I can't even look at you doing it. It's so horrible. This was extremely unenjoyable for me.

Also. Also, I have to say, is that it is hard because your nose is. Yeah, okay, sure. It's, like, the right shape, I guess, but it is also connected to your head. And trying to get that in between somebody's legs with enough space to be able to actually move back and forth like, move your entire head back and forth. Like. Like, there's not enough space down there to really make it work.

Yeah. And on the receiving end, this was just not enjoyable. Like, I could feel you struggling to get the sensation right. And. Yeah, you're no. Like, you just cannot be precise with your nose, especially if you compare it to using your fingers or your tongue. There's no reason to use your nose. And there wasn't anything about the sensation that the nose delivered itself that felt better or special than a finger. Like, it kind of just feels like the tip of a finger, but a more clumsy finger.

So if you like real clumsy fingering, then maybe you will love this tip. If you prefer more, you know, precise, measured, intentional fingering, then go with the fingers.

Yeah. This was an absolute pass. Next, we moved into teeth grazing during oral. So a lot of people said they've heard tips that for both sexes, that grazing your teeth on their genitals feels good. So Xander did this to me right after trying the nosedive method. And this one was a big, hard no for me as well. Like, oh, I just. Even thinking about it again, like, teeth on the clitoris did not feel good.

But Were you able to even feel my teeth?

I was really nervous about it because I was just like, oh, I don't. I just. The teeth and clitoris just don't match at all. But, like, I could feel your teeth. But it was similar to the nose thing, where it was just so awkward. Like, I could tell that you, like, you can't do anything with your teeth. It's just, like, rubbing them kind of around. But again, it's, like, very clumsy and awkward and just doesn't feel good.

Yeah, well, I was really struggling to get my teeth onto anything because your vulva doesn't protrude like a penis does. And your mouth, like, you can open your mouth, but it is connected to your face. Unlike your nose, which actually does stick out, your mouth and your teeth don't stick out. So in order to get your teeth onto it without, like, mashing your nose in, like, it doesn't really work. So I was even struggling to, like, I was just like, okay, how do I, like, go? I'm, like, you know, trying to lift my lips around, like, all right, let's get the tooth out.

Oh, my God, the face.

Seriously, this is what I was doing, babe. I was like this. I was like this.

I can't look at it.

How do I get these teeth out? I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Okay.

And what do you think about. So teeth on the penis is definitely a little bit easier. A lot easier, I think. So what did you think about teeth on your penis?

It, personally, it's just. It's not for me. It's not for me. Um, yeah, I mean, I think that. Yeah, I mean, I. I'm fine with, like, some, you know, tight suction, but, yeah, the teeth is just a bit. Much more than I. More than I want or need.

So another pass. We've been all passes so far.

Also, the teeth. I think many men will have had this experiences. Maybe earlier in your sexual career, you had somebody give a blowjob with where there was a little bit of teeth grazing, like, unintentionally, maybe because their technique wasn't very great. And I know for me, I think I've had, like, one or two of those in the past where it was like, oh, I don't think I like that. But I didn't want to say anything. And so it's just a little triggering, like, oh, God, bring me right back to that point in my life.

Okay, here's our next tip in reverse. Cowgirl, lean forward and tickle his toes with your nipples.

We really tried this one, guys. We really, really tried.

Yeah. So if you want to actually see this tip in action, go over to our Instagram. I was curious about this one, because I was like, our height differences might make this video more challenging than it would be for the average couple because we have a foot height difference between us.

To be clear, I had my doubts. Regardless of height difference, I was skeptical.

The second I leaned over, I was like, what? There is no way in hell I was getting anywhere near those toes.

Yeah, you might need to be a foot taller than me in order to have a chance of making it work, because you didn't even get to my kneecaps.

I couldn't even get to your kneecaps.

I was like. I was like, okay, if your life depended on it, like, could you reach my kneecaps? And it was like, no. You were at the, like, you know, like, the lower part of my thighs.

It's just physically not possible. I don't know where this tip came from. I don't know who can reach their partner's toes, but even if I could reach, do you think you'd like having your toes tickled in the middle of intercourse?

No. I mean, no more than, I guess, any other part of me being tickled.

I don't know, like, feet are especially ticklish. Most people don't like being tickled on Their feet?

Yeah. I mean, here, I'll say this. Like, you know, like, if you are giving me a blowjob and I can feel, like, your breasts kind of, like, rubbing against, like, my legs, like, that can be hot. Or, you know, like, if you're on top of me and sort of leaning down towards me, and I can. And I can like, feel them sort of grazing across my chest. Like, that's, like. That's. That can be, like, a little bit hot, but it's not. I'm not like, oh, yeah. Like, give me, like, rub those things. Rub those things all over. Yeah.

This one was yet another pass. Okay, next up, we had the countdown method. So this is another reel that a bunch of people sent us. And again, we won't call the person out in particular because, look, I celebrate everybody who wants to talk about sex openly and without shame. I think we need more of those kinds of conversations. So we're not gonna call anybody out. But there's this particular method that this person has where you are counting your strokes. And supposedly what you do is you start with nine short, fast strokes, then one long, deep one, then eight short, fast strokes and two long, deep ones. Then seven and three, six and four, yada, yada, five and five.

If you're already struggling with the counting, this is not the one for you. So.

So the claim was that this would help you last longer and that magically, once you got up to one short, fast stroke and nine long, deep ones.

Or maybe 10 long, deep ones, I'd imagine that it would just be 0 and 10 after.

I don't know.

Who knows?

They didn't get that far, too. The woman was supposed to have an immediate orgasm when you got to the end.

Yeah, it was like, guaranteed orgasm.

Guaranteed orgasm.

I don't know if it was like, the 10 deep strokes is gonna give her the orgasm or, like, by then, by cause. What is that at the end of that? What is a hundred after a hundred strokes? If she has not an orgasm, then. Well, Shit. What the hell are you guys even doing?

Okay, so, Xander, what was it like for you trying to count out your strength?

Oh, my God. I barely got past nine. I barely. Like, because at first I was like, okay, well, like, not because you came.

You have to clarify. Why didn't you get past nine?

Oh, thanks. Thanks, babe. I didn't even. I didn't even think of that. I was just like, one, two, bam.

It worked too well for him.

Yeah, it was too good. I mean, yeah. You know, this person wasn't wrong about the Guaranteed orgasm for one of the people. No, just kidding. I did not. I did not orgasm from this method. I really confused myself and got in my head. Yeah. So, okay, I'm like, all right, so, like, what. What is a short fast? Or like. I think it was also described as shallow. Like, shall, you know, nine shallow strokes? I'm like, okay, well, like, what's the.

Right speed, really, in your head?

Well, yeah, okay, because I'm like, okay.

Well, so, like, like, am I shallow enough? Is this too shallow? Does this count?

Well, okay, so here's. Here's what else is going through my head with this one. I'm like, okay, so, you know, this is about being in a rhythm, right? So I'm imagining that it's like, you know, generally the same amount of, like, spacing in between each thrust. And I'm like, okay, I get this. That, like, shallow ones are supposed to not be that stimulating for you, and then the long ones are, like, more stimulating. And so the idea is that you're kind of, like, pacing yourself, Right? So I'm thinking, all right, let me make sure I get these shallow ones, you know, properly shallow. And, like, I. You know, ideally, like, not overly stimulating because I don't, you know, I want to be able to actually get through this tip and not, you know, like, break the rhythm or whatever, because that's, you know, that's not part of the tip. So I was in my head kind of like, oh, okay. Like, I was trying to gauge, like, okay, well, is this, like, not stimulating enough? Like, great. And so then I'm counting, and then it was, like. Then I wasn't quite sure, like, what to do with the deep. So it felt very out of. Out of the ordinary to be doing, like, a bunch of these, like, short, shallow ones, and then, like, boom, like, one big long one and then back. So I think I, like, you know, I did my 9 and 1, and then maybe we started counting on the 8 and 2, but it was just like, yeah, it felt like usually Vanessa and I are really good at kind of being in a rhythm without really talking about, like, we're just sort of, you know, we know how our bodies work and how they move against each other. This felt, like, completely the antithesis of everything that we have come to know about having sex with each other.

Yeah. This made intercourse feel very robotic to me. Like, I could tell even though we were talking about it, and I obviously knew when you were about to start. Like, even if we hadn't had that conversation, I could tell the exact second that you started doing it because it was like, oh, this feels very robotic and weird, and I don't like it. And, yeah, it just felt like. I can't think of a better word than robotic. It just felt like D D. You know, like, I could feel you counting it out. And I think this is one of actually, like, one of the mistakes that so many men who sleep with women get wrong about lasting longer. Because most guys, you know, let's be honest, most guys want to last longer. They struggle with lasting more than a few minutes or, you know, even that. But they try out techniques like this that are so, like, calculated. And as women, like, we can just sense your energy. Like, we can tell the moment that you. Even if you're just going up into your head thinking, like, don't come, don't come, don't come, don't come.

Like, think about baseball.

Yeah, think about baseball. Think about Aunt Rhonda. Like, we can. Can feel you leave us in the moment. And I think that's honestly what feels even more upsetting to women than the, like, the length of intercourse itself. Like, of course we want intercourse to, you know, last a certain length. Like, we want to be able to experience pleasure and connection and, you know, orgasm as well. So I'm not saying that, like, timing is zero issue, but it's really that feeling of your partner just not being there with you that feels icky. And this was instantly. I was like, oh, gross, he's not here. He's doing this weird robotic thing. I don't like it. I want to stop. It was not good. And I certainly did not have an automatic orgasm the second that you got to nine short or one short, fast one, and nine long ones.

And, I mean, the other thing about this is that I really. Not only was I very in my head, because I'm thinking about, like, okay, like, how do I pace this out, right? And then how do I keep track of the count? But, yeah, I struggled to keep track of the count, even though it seems very simple. Like, and this might just be me. For example, when we're at the gym, if I'm in the middle of, you know, doing a set of something, like, I cannot have a conversation. I can't talk, because if I talk, I lose count of where I am. So that might just be me. So if you like counting or some.

Counting, just who's like, I love counting.

I don't know. Some. I'm sure someone going to be like, I love counting. I'm so good at it. I can be doing five other things at once and still count to 100 in my head. If that's you, hell, yeah. Give it a try. Let us know what you think. But, I mean, I feel like it's kind of just the same outcome of, like, the think about baseball thing, where you're. All you're doing is just kind of disconnecting yourself from the experience and your partner.

So definitely a hard pass on the countdown method. All right, next, we had a couple of orgasm tips that we linked together. One person said, breathe very shallow when you're close to an orgasm, and then one big, deep breath when you do. And another person said, having a slightly full bladder makes a more intense orgasm. So actually, let me address that second one first. So this is different for everybody, but I definitely have heard a lot of women describe, like, when I have a full bladder, it does feel easier to orgasm, or the orgasms themselves feel more intense. I kind of chalk this one up, though, to just unique anatomy. I wouldn't call this a tip, so I wouldn't tell somebody. Make sure your bladder is really full before you have sex. Because I actually also hear a lot of anxiety from women, especially women who have never had an orgasm or have inconsistent orgasms. A lot of women are afraid of what it's gonna be like when they actually have that orgasm. And in particular, this fear of, like, oh, I've heard that an orgasm is all about losing control. So a lot of women are actually afraid of peeing themselves when they orgasm because they're afraid of losing control. So if you go into sex, you're already feeling kind of anxious about what is it gonna be like when I orgasm. And then you have a really full bladder on top of it. Like, it's just. It's just not gonna be good. So I say, don't purposely fill up your bladder. If you do happen to already know that you enjoy this, great. What is happening in these circumstances is that all the anatomy down there, you know, you have your clitoris which extends up into the body. It splits off into two legs. You have your vaginal canal, all the muscles around it, there's gland, there's all kinds of stuff. It's all close together. So when you have a full bladder, it's extra expanded, and it's putting pressure on the surrounding tissue so it can exert a little bit of pressure on the internal portions of the clitoris. That's all that's happening there.

But I would imagine that even if you know that this works really well for you, this is kind of a challenging thing to Time. Because that you'd have to then be like, okay, I want to have sex with you later, but I gotta wait. But I gotta wait until my bladder gets to just the right level. And then, like, how do you know what that right level is? It makes the planning part a little tricky because then it's like, okay, in exactly 42 minutes, I will be good to go. So I can understand that that would be a little tricky. This just doesn't seem like something to aim for. However, if you know that it works for you and you're like, great, we're starting to get sexy. And my bladder's a little full. I could pee now or forever hold my peace. Like, you know, just. Yeah, don't pee and have a better orgasm, maybe.

Yeah, okay. And then with the breathing thing. So I definitely recommend that people play with their breath leading up to and around orgasm. For some people, like, having those shorter, shallower breaths can really push them over the edge. For some people, the longer, deeper breaths can push them over the edge. But there's also. There's a. Like, you can't get too calculated about it. I've found when I'm paying too much attention to my breath and I'm, like, consciously trying to do things with the breath, it's kind of similar, what I'm guessing to the. The countdown method. It's like, okay, wait, short, shallow. Short, shallow. Oh, wait, now do I need to do the long one? So it's like. It's just a tricky one. Like, too much thought about it actually pulls me out of the moment and makes it difficult. So this one, it's just. I say, like, play around a little bit with trying different breath stuff, but don't go all in on, like, forcing yourself to think of specific breath patterns. It's just a little too much. All right, all right. This is our second to last one, and it is a doozy. So this one, Emma, our team member, called Moving to the Beat. This is moving a specific song. A specific beat that is supposed to be the best song to have sex to, because as a penis owner, you thrust along to the beat of the song. So I'm not going to say anything else about this tip. I'm just going to play you the song, and I just want you to think about Xander and I really like putting ourselves out there being guinea pigs and having sex. To this song.

To this beat.

For you. We did this for you. Here we go.

Very dramatic. No beep yet. So you could decide what you're doing here. Whatever you want. Oh, is it. Is it coming? Is it coming? Okay, So, like, what is the beat? Like, is it. Is it the. The kick drum, which is like an irregular beat, or is it the actual 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm not sure.

I have to stop.

That was.

That was some of the worst sex we've ever, ever had. The song was horrible. The beat is horrible. It's just everything. Everything was bad and wrong, and I don't ever want to do that again.

Yeah, I know. We kept kind of, like, losing the beat, and it was like, wait, are we on the beat or are we off the beat? What's happening? And then I was like. And then I was like, okay, wait, does the tempo just stay the same the whole song? Because all it is is you're just going to the. Just the same old thing the entire time beat. At first, when I. At first, when I heard this, I was like, oh, it must be a song where, like, the tempo really go, you know, fast and then slow or, like double time, half time. But no, it doesn't. It's just like. I don't know, whatever. That was probably, like. Like 100 bpm or something like that.

Yeah.

So it's like you could just put a fucking metronome on for 100 and. And see what happens.

There was nothing special or magical about this song. Do not have intercourse to it unless.

You like the song. And then, by all means, you could just play it in the background. But.

But don't. Don't time yourself to this.

Yeah, we play music. We play music in the background when we have sex. Every now and then, I will find myself kind of going to the beat for, like, a moment, and then I'll kind of lose it. But, yeah, we don't, like, aim to.

Go to the beat.

It just kind of happens.

Okay. And that brings us to our final tip, which I have not allowed Xander to read. I wanted to be able to get his live reaction to this tip on the podcast.

Oh, great.

Because due to technical difficulties, we could not do this tip. But I just want to know if you would like it.

If I'd like it, or would I like to try it?

If you think you would like it.

Okay, let's go. Okay, hit me.

The tip is called the hamster thing.

Oh, great. I'm already loving this.

What do you think it is?

Like, running in a hand, like, at something I don't know of, like hamster wheel. We don't have one of those, so that's maybe why we didn't try it. Scurrying around. Fingers scurrying around my body. I don't know.

Okay. The reason that it doesn't work is because it requires you to have a sunroof on your car, and we don't have a sunroof. So knowing now that the hamster thing requires a sunroof, do you have any other guesses about what it might be?

I am flabbergasted. I have no idea. Sunroof?

Yeah.

No. Okay.

This is the description. An act in which a man lays across the top of a car, hangs his member through the sunroof.

Oh, member. I know. This is quality when they're referring to.

It by member allowing his partner to pleasure him from inside the car. The act somewhat resembles a hamster drinking from a water bottle, thus earning it the name the hamster thing.

Okay, okay, I get that. However, having had the experience of the nose dive, having had the nose dive experience and the like, trying to use your teeth on a vulva experience, how the. What fucking position do you need to get into in the car in order to be able to do that hamster thing? Like, you would have to be. You would have to be, like, somehow suspended from the roof of the car, like, face up. There's no other way. Like, you would destroy your neck. Like, just think about it, people. I can't think unless you have two sunroofs side by side and the person in a really long dick that is able to bridge the gap between the two sunroofs. And then the partner can stick their head halfway out of the sunroof so that they can put that dick in their mouth. It ain't happening otherwise. I need, like, I need to see video of this in practice. Like, how would you do this?

What if we took it really literally, though? And, like, the only actual blow drop technique I did was just like. Like a hamster drinking from the bottle.

Yeah, we can try that.

There's like the little tiny licks, like.

Yeah. Do you think. Do you think maybe. I think your parents might have a. A sun roof in their car. We could borrow theirs. We're going over there tonight. I'll ask. You know, you gave your first blow job in their driveway. It would only be fitting that you gave your first hamster thing in their car.

And how would you feel? Like you're laying. You're laying on the roof of a car with your penis.

Just like.

It's not an enjoyable position to receive it?

No, just like on hard metal and glass is also. If it's like, outside, has it Been in the sun for a while. It could be scalding. Like, we couldn't do it on your car. Your car's black. It would be so hot.

Or if you're, like, in your garage and you're, like, gonna hit your head on the ceiling.

Yeah. Hopefully your car's not too tall. Hopefully you can even get up there to begin with. Like, don't break your windshield. Don't dent your car. I mean, your car insurance is not gonna cover you after this.

So I need to gather myself.

That.

That's the hamster thing. I'm so glad I saved that for you to. To be able to experience.

Yeah, I'm. You know, I'm. I'm kind of sad that I may never actually experience this in real life, because it may not be physically possible, but I'm open to someone. Yeah. If someone has, like, video evidence of, like, oh, don't.

Don't send us videos of you trying this. Please do not send us videos. But you could tell us if you tried it. Tell us. We probably won't believe you, but.

Yeah, I will only believe it if you send, like, your chiropractor receipts as well, because it's gonna mess your neck up.

All right, well, that is the end of Smash or Pass. We had so much fun trying out these tips. If you want another Smash or Pass episode, come let us know on Instagram. We're at Vanessa and Xander.

Yeah. And send us some tips.

We're going to put some links for you in the show notes for this episode. That Art of Initiation guide, since somebody mentioned it in their review. The ultimate foreplay guides and next Level intercourse Guide, because those have real techniques.

They sure do.

About how to bring each other pleasure that actually work, are realistic, are practical, but really give you and your partner the best ever experiences without a chiropractor bill or a pool of lube or weird nose jobs. So we'll put those in there as well. All right. Well, if you enjoyed this episode, maybe it was your first one that you've ever listened to. That's definitely a strong start. Or maybe it was your hundredth episode. Either way, if you are not on our email list, you should be.

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Tap or type equal opportunity Lender. All right, well, that's it for today's episode of Pillow Talks. Thank you so much for listening. Join us again next week when we talk about how to get your partner more comfortable talking about sex with you. Sam.