Episode 28: So Your Partner Told You Their Fantasy... And You're Not Into It

I think a great example of this, and this is a super common fantasy. You hear your partner say, oh, I've been fantasizing about having sex in public. And then you immediately go like, oh my God, they want to like, go down to the mall and have sex. Like, like have sex. Like have sex on a park bench, like in front of Macy's or Nordstrom's or something.

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist, over 20 years.

Of experience, and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. All right, babe, I have an idea for how we can start off this podcast episode.

Let's hear it.

Can you sing us a little bit of Mariah Carey's fantasy?

Sweet, sweet fantasy baby. I don't know the other words.

The only sentence you know.

Sweet. I just. I can't hit the first note. I can't hit the first note.

Sweet, sweet fantasy baby When I close my eyes, you come back and take me. Wait, come back and hold on. I think so.

What?

What does that mean? We have to look this up now.

I only know sweet, sweet fantasy baby. Those are the only lyrics from that song I know.

All right, I guess that's enough. That was really good. Thanks.

You're welcome. So do you want more singing from me?

I don't know. It's entertaining to me. Let's let the audience decide. Let us know over on Instagram. Vanessa Marin Therapy. More Xander singing. Thumbs up. Thumbs. What songs would you like him to sing? Actually, no. Do it this way. Leave us a review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts and put in your review what song you would like to hear Xander sing. All right, so let's get into it. Today we are talking about fantasies. Fantasies. They're really healthy, normal, common, part of our sex lives. And I think experiencing your fantasies with your partner can be very fun, very exciting. But what happens if you and your partner's fantasies don't match up? So maybe you're completely uninterested in your partner's fantasies. Maybe your partner's fantasies even turn you off.

Uh oh.

So we went over to Instagram and we asked people tell us about the fantasies that either you have or your partner has that the other person is not interested in. And there were four most common ones that came up. Number one, far and away, was the threesome. Then there was anal, anal play, anal intercourse, public sex, a very popular one. And also power play. So, like some domination, some submission, that kind of stuff. We actually have. We have a couple fantasies that we don't have in common. One of them is the Mile High Club.

Which one of us wants to join. You be the judge.

We should put it up on an Instagram poll. Well, I think we just have to tell the people since they're listening to this now. So I want to join the Mile High Club. I don't think it would be particularly sexy or pleasurable sex, but I think it would be funny just to, like, be able to say, I did it, but you not interested.

I guess I'm a little worried about logistics. I'm worried about our height difference, given the limited possibility for positions in a small airplane lavatory. And honestly, it's funny because usually in most things, Vanessa is like the rule follower and I'm a little more loosey goosey. But I'm scared of getting caught. Not going to lie. I'm scared of getting caught.

You go to airplane jail. No, what it really is is that Xander loves flying so much and he loves planes so much. It would feel like sacrilegious.

I don't. I don't want to get in trouble doing something that I love so much. I don't want it to be ruined.

The sex or the flying?

All of it. All of the above.

Okay, so today we are gonna talk about exactly what to do if your partner has a fantasy that you're just not into. Or the other way around if you have a fantasy that your partner is not into.

Yeah. And maybe we'll help you be able to handle it better than I just did.

Right, then we will, because we're gonna give you a five star process that you can walk through. There's gonna be a very detailed episode.

Yeah. And by the end of it, I'm just gonna be chomping at the bit for Mile High Club. Oh, airplane sex.

Can't wait. Too bad we don't have another trip planned for a while, but okay, let's do it.

Before I get my Mile High Club on, we are going to read the review of the week. Can't get enough. I love following the Instagram and listening to the podcast. Seriously, it feels like two best friends talking about any and everything. I love the chemistry between V and X, the honesty in the content is so, so good. It makes the tips and topics feel so much easier and natural to incorporate into my own life. So glad I came across these two.

Oh, and, oh, yeah, I'm waiting for you.

A hanging emoji. To be honest, this one creeps me out because it's like a big smile with rosy cheeks and then teeny, tiny hands.

I think they're proportionate. Look, I'm acting it out right now.

No, it's not even close. You have small hands, but those are teeny, tiny hands. The hand is, like, smaller than the smile, but.

Okay, that's true.

But, I mean, I think that this is just, you know, rosy cheeks going in for a hug.

That's your final name for that.

That's my translation.

Rosy cheeks going in for a hug emoji. All right, we already asked you to leave your creative review with what song you would like to hear Sanders sing. Your reviews really do mean so, so much to us. We really, really appreciate you taking the time to leave them, and it helps so much with letting the podcast grow and reach new people. So we thank you so much, and we always have a good time making Xander try to decipher your emojis. Please leave us a review with whatever song you'd like him to sing and the most challenging emoji that you can come across. If we pick your review to be featured as our review of the week, as our little way of saying thank you, we are going to give you a free mini coaching session. So if you see your review, you can come over to Instagram and DM us @ VanessaMarinTherapy, tell us your situation, what your questions are, and we will send you a little mini coaching session back. Totally private. All right, so let's get back to it. So we went over to Instagram, and first we asked people, have you ever talked about fantasies in your relationship? And only 45% of people said that they had. So the majority of people have never had a conversation about fantasies with their.

Partner. Yeah. Keeping it to yourself.

Hmm. And 90% of people said they thought that they and their partner had different.

Fantasies. Yeah. And so that was like, either they've explicitly talked about it and they're different, or they're, like, worried that they have different fantasies. So that could be a huge driver as to why 55% of people haven't talked about it. If you're scared it's not going to be the same, then that could be a big reason why you don't want to.

Share. Well, I think that Number is really important to share. 90% of people think that they have different fantasies. To really normalize that this is a very common thing that happens in relationships. And I think it's very easy for us to have this idea of, oh my gosh, we have different fantasies. Like, we're not compatible. But the reality is like, how could you not have different fantasies? You're different people. You have different likes and dislikes with other things, you know, your hobbies, food that you. I'm like trying to think of food.

Examples. I was like, oh, here comes the.

Food. Like, you have different preferences, different likes and dislikes in every other area of your life. So why would you not have different fantasies in the bedroom? That's really where we want to start. Like, it's okay to have different fantasies. You can have totally different fantasies and still have an amazing sex life. We have different fantasies. It's okay. That being said, this can be a tricky situation to navigate if there are a lot of differences or really strong differences. So for example, you know, should you do something that you're not really interested in doing just for your partner's sake, or should your partner have to forego this fantasy that's really important to them because you're not into it? So we are going to give you our five step process for what to do in this situation. We're going to approach this podcast episode as if you and your partner have already had some sort of conversation about fantasies and you've discovered that there are differences. Right. So we could do a different episode about, like, how to bring up fantasies for the very first time. If you and your partner haven't, let us know if you're interested in that. But for now, we're going to assume that you guys have already discovered some sort of difference and we're going to give you some tips this five step process that we have for what to do in this situation. So let's get right into it with step number one, and that is to handle your partner's fantasy with.

Grace. Because it's very likely that up until this point you may not have handled it particularly gracefully. It's really easy to hear something that our partner shares with us that, that we don't agree with or it feels weird to us. We feel nervous and kind of like respond in a bit of an icky way. Or like we go kind of silent, we show some body language that probably implies that maybe we're not so into it or we feel.

Uncomfortable. Yeah. And I think this has definitely happened with us. I don't remember the exact conversation that we had talking about the Mile High Club, but I do remember you being like, ooh, like, having sex in a bathroom. Like, those bathrooms are so tiny and they're gross and they're disgusting. So there was. I don't remember feeling, like, deeply ashamed for it, but I do remember there being some sort of, like, oh, he's, like, really not into.

It. Yeah, I was. I was probably a bit judgmental, and I would approach that differently now. I can do better. Vanessa, you know what? I just thought about hearing you describe what it was like for you when you brought up the Mile High Club thing with.

Me. Why is it so funny to hear you call me Vanessa? What? Xander. Tell me.

Xander. I would love to tell you, Vanessa. This is funny because I was listening to a sports podcast the other day, and it's two guys. One of the guys is named Guy, and it was. It was playing on my phone. Oh, my. This is so confusing because I'm saying Guy, and the guy's name is. The other. The other person is like, oh, let me tell you, Guy. Like I said, like, oh, my God, these guys. Like, who are these people? And I'm like, no, no, no. The guy's name is.

Guy. All right, Guy, tell me about.

Your. Let me tell you, Guy. Let me tell you, Guy. All right, what that made me think about is I made it about me when you shared about the Mile High Club, and I immediately went inside and went, ooh, I don't want to do that. Bathroom sounds gross to me. Oh, I'm scared I'm not going to be able to get it up. Blah, blah, blah. I made it all about me. And really, that fantasy has nothing to do with me. It's your fantasy. I should have just showed up to listen to you. And I think that really fits in with handling it with Grace. It's not about me. It's about you. And it's about hearing and respecting your fantasy. Trying to take myself out of it until we even get to the point where we're talking about how we might be able to do this. I don't play any role in that fantasy yet until we're further along in the process of figuring out whether we're going to do anything about.

It. Yeah, I mean, I think if you had asked me some questions about it and maybe said, oh, like, why is that interesting to you? Or, when did you first start being turned on by that? Or how would you imagine that going? Like, there are a lot of questions that you could ask somebody about Their fantasy to, like, learn more about it rather than going immediately to, like, what your reaction is. So I think the bottom line with fantasies is that whenever you have a fantasy that you share with your partner, like, that takes a tremendous amount courage. And especially if you have a fantasy that isn't super common or you feel like it's kind of a taboo or a kinky fantasy, like, it takes so much courage to be honest about your desires, to talk about fantasies openly. And so when your partner shares something like that with you, like, they have shown you so much trust and they've really let you into their inner sexual world. The other thing is, like, your partner knew that there was a possibility that they could be embarrassed, shamed, even humiliated by their fantasy. And again, especially if it was one that was, like, uncommon or they felt like it was taboo. So your partner really took a big risk by sharing that with you, and you really want to try to, like, treat those fantasies with grace, with compassion, with gentleness, even if it's not something that feels very sexy to you. So even if in the moment itself, let's say you pulled a xander and you are like, oh, gross, you know, like, you can always come back around and you can tell your partner, hey, I want to talk about that fantasy thing again. I know that I had a really specific reaction to it in the moment, and I'm sorry for. For that. I wanted.

To. I let my ego get in the.

Way. Yeah. Like, I just wanted to go back and actually thank you for sharing your fantasy with me, because I realized that took a lot of courage for you to share, and I'm sorry I didn't have a good reaction to.

It. Yeah. So this is a huge opportunity to build trust and to build intimacy. So if it really, truly is in the moment, they're sharing something new with you, it's an opportunity to reward their vulnerability with trust and respond gracefully. Or if it's a situation where you can look back and you can see that you didn't really hear their fantasy in a very respectful way in the past. You made it about you. Instead of holding space for them to be vulnerable, it's an opportunity to go back and clean that up a little bit and build some trust and intimacy out of an experience that maybe kind of took things in the opposite.

Direction. Absolutely. Okay, so let's move on to step number two, and that is to discuss how important the fantasy is. So here's the thing about fantasies. Most of us have fantasies that we are curious about actually trying out, and we have fantasies that we know that we don't ever want to try out, but we just kind of like playing with the fantasy aspect of.

It. Yeah. I think as long as it is still a fantasy, I think we often don't even always know, like, oh, I definitely want to do this, or I don't want to do this, or I'm somewhere in the.

Middle. Maybe your partner said to you, oh, sometimes I fantasize about having an orgy. And your brain immediately leads to like, oh, my God, my partner wants to have an orgy this weekend, and it's going to be with our neighbors and my best friend. And like.

Yeah. And oh, my God, they don't want to be monogamous. They must not be into me. I'm not enough for them. Like, it's so easy to take it down this really long.

Road. Yeah. So you want to know. You want to get to know from your partner, like, is this something that they actually want to play around with? Then even if your partner does want to try out this fantasy in real life, there are still so many different ways that that could happen. So this idea that you might have blown up in your head of, like, what the orgy is, like, that may not necessarily be exactly what your partner wants to do. So you want to get a sense from your partner of how important is this fantasy to them. Even if it's something that you know, hey, there is no way I'm bringing another person into our bedroom. You still want to get a sense of, like, is this fantasy something that's really central to your partner? Partner's experience? Or it's something that they're just curious about, but they would be totally fine if they never got to do it. So you want to get a sense from your partner of, is this fantasy something that your partner is curious about playing with, but maybe they would also be fine if they never got to do it. Fantasies have different levels of centrality to our sex lives. Some people might think, ah, yeah, that's something that would be fun. But I'm okay. Like, the Mile High Club example is perfect. Like, I'm not going to feel like something is missing from my sex life. I never got to express myself in a certain way. I couldn't be fully authentic with myself because I never am going to have Mile High Club sex. It just sort of feels like I wish he was into it. I wish we did it once, but okay.

Whatever. Yeah. Or it's like, oh, that would be fun if it fell into my lap. But, like, everything required to fulfill this fantasy just Sounds complicated and not actually fun when I really, like, think through the logistical aspects of.

It. Oh, I think threesomes are a good example of that too. A lot of us are like, oh, the idea of this perfect threesome with this mysterious stranger, like, that sounds so fun. But the reality of, like, having to, what do we do? Get on an app or do we, like, find people at the bar and do we ask them to get tested and do they come back to our house, where do we go? Or to a hotel? Like, it just starts to feel like too much. But on the other end of the spectrum, there are some fantasies that people have where it's like, it's so central to their sex life that it could be a deal breaker for them. So I think a great example of those kinds of fantasies is maybe you are in a male, female relationship, but your partner has always wanted to do a little bit of same sex exploration. And for them, that feels like, yeah, this is a part of my sexuality that feels very central that I need to explore. And I wouldn't feel authentic to myself if I went my entire life without doing a little bit of this exploration. Bottom line here is that there are just so many aspects of the fantasy that you want to learn more about from your partner. Here are some questions that you could ask. Is this a fantasy that you would want to try in real life, or did you just want to share the idea with me? Is this a fantasy that you want me to be a part of or that you want to explore on your own? What level of involvement were you hoping for from.

Me? How central is this fantasy to your sexual expression and fulfillment? And what do you think it would be like for you if you never got to play with this.

Fantasy? All right, so that takes us in to step three, which is to do some research. So some fantasies are pretty straightforward, like 69ing. You probably know how to do that already. Maybe you have done it in the past. But other fantasies can be a lot more complex, like exploring pain play, maybe using heavy duty restraints, going to a sex party, having an orgy for some of your partner's fantasies. Before you even fully decide whether or not you're into this or could be potentially interested in exploring it. Like, you might want to do a little bit of research to find out more about this fantasy, more about how it all really works. You can always ask yourself, partner, if they have any particular resources that they think might be helpful. So it could be saying something like, you know, okay, I want to learn a little bit more about getting tied up before I decide whether or not that's something that I want to do. Do you have any articles that you recommend I check.

Out? Yeah. And I think this is so important because in doing this research, you may very well find the image that you had of what this fantasy is, may be very different from the image that your partner has. Like, they may even be two completely separate things. I think it's really easy for us to, like, we hear something that we don't really know that much about, and we just kind of get this, like, visual flash in our head of what that's going to be and then. And then we talk about it with someone else and, like, they're envisioning something totally.

Different. Yeah. So one quick tip here, a little pro tip, is to look for resources that are written by the people who are into those fantasies. So there are lots of different communities on the Internet. Internet, you know, all around different fantasies. If you look into those areas, like, you'll find more complete and more accurate guides. Like somebody who's doing BDSM stuff every time they have sex, they're gonna have, like, really pro level tips, techniques, advice. So as you are doing that research, you can also start getting into step four, which is to see if there's a part of your partner's fantasy that does interest you. A lot of the times, you know, when we start talking about fantasies with our partner, we hear their fantas, and we just immediately feel like we have to do the whole shebang, the whole.

Hog. Yeah. Like, that's the only way we can satisfy them. I think a great example of this, and this is a super common fantasy, is so, like, you hear your partner say, oh, I've been fantasizing about having sex in public. And then you immediately go like, oh, my God. Like, they want to, like, go down to the mall and, like, have sex. Like. Like have sex. Like, have sex on a park bench, like in front of baby Macy's or Nordstrom's or.

Something. Does Macy's even exist.

Anymore? I'm not sure. They want to go, like, have sex. They want to go have sex, like, right in front of Nordstrom down at the mall. Whoa, that seems like a bit much to me. Like, we might go to jail. Like, I might become a sex offender. Like, you know, you might really start spinning out about that. But the reality is there are a lot of variations. There's a whole scale of sex in public, from not having sex in public to having sex, like, in front of a store with hundreds of people.

Coming in and out Coming in and.

Out.

Wow. Interesting. Yeah. Even if you and your partner were to say, yeah, we are both totally on board with the idea of public sex or having a threesome, whatever it is, like, we would still recommend, hey, let's break it down into baby steps. When people go all in, that's when, you know, issues can arise. If you are hearing your partner's fantasy and you're like, I am just not into that. See if you can think about other baby steps into that fantasy and potential pieces of it that you might be interested in. So, for example, maybe you hear the idea of sex in public, and you're like, no fricking way. But if you get a little bit creative and you think about, like, what are some ways that we could work up to that? Okay, what if it was. We had sex in front of our window with, like, the sheer blinds closed? So if somebody was peeping two.

Feet in front of the window thinking, that's a different fantasy. That is a different fantasy that you're talking about. What. What Vanessa is trying to say here. If. If someone were to walk by and to see your shadows in the sheer blinds, you know, they might make out some shapes moving around. They might. Yeah. You know, see the outline of your body part if they're peeping in your shades. That's. That's different. Also, possibly a variation of the sex in public. You know, you could cut a little hole in.

Your. Okay, so the point I'm trying to make, there might be variations of the fantasy or little pieces of the fantasy that you could be interested in. Another really good one is BDSM. A lot of people hear BDSM, and they think you gotta go full 50 Shades of Gray, like, signing a contract, having pain, play all this stuff. Maybe you're like, okay, whoa, not into the sex dungeon, but. But what if my partner, like, spanked me during sex? Or what if we put on, you know, we use my little sleep mask as a blindfold? Or what if they held my hands above my head? You know, so there are always ways to kind of like, break down a fantasy. Little pieces of it that you're like, oh, okay, I could be interested in trying.

That.

Or. That sounds good to me. Just to be totally clear, like, you're allowed to have your own boundaries. You're allowed to say, there is no aspect of BDSM that I even want to go near. That's totally fine. But I think it's great to just show your partner the respect of being willing to consider aspects of their fantasy and ask yourself like, is there some piece of this that I would feel good participating.

In? Yeah. And in addition to that, like, you're allowed to come up with your own boundaries around the pieces that you're okay with. So in the public sex example, let's say that you start to get comfortable having sex in your house with maybe the blinds open slightly or something like that, and you're like, you know, it's my house. I can do what I want in my house. And. And, you know, if people want to look into my house, well, whatever that they can do that. Or let's say that you graduate to, like, I'm open to performing some oral sex like, outside on our deck or something like that out in the yard. But you may feel like I'm okay, like, giving my partner oral sex, but it feels too uncomfortable for me to be, like, fully naked outside. So I don't. I don't want my partner performing oral on me. I'm fine being clothed and doing it on them or something like that. You know, it's just kind of feeling into, like, what feels okay to you. You're allowed to set those boundaries. There's no rule that in a relationship you have to fulfill every single one of your partner's.

Desires. Absolutely. And I think this can also be a really fun step too, like getting creative and thinking outside of the box, coming up with different possibilities that could be really fun. And maybe that's even enough in and of itself. Just talking through, like, hey, what would it really be like to have a threesome? What are different ways we could play with that? Stuff like that. So you tell me, what are some ways that we could play with my mile high club fantasy without going whole.

Hog? Well, one idea is next time we're having sex, I could put on our white noise machine really loud to mimic this. What it sounds like to be on an airplane. I could find. I could find some, you know, like, airplane, like, ding. Like the seatbelt. The seatbelt sign is now on. Please take your seats. We are heading into an area of heavy.

Turbulence. Not sure I'm interested in that part, but sure, we could have sex in our little.

Bathroom. We could. We. Oh, yeah, we have. We have a tiny. We have one tiny bathroom or downstairs.

Bathroom.

It's. It's kind of like the. The. Like the Harry Potter.

Closet. What about a makeout session on the plane or a little hand under the blanket.

Action? Oh, yeah. See, I feel like for me, I could be into maybe a little fumbling around, like, not in the bathroom yet. The thing that Feels intimidating to me, is sort of like, okay, how do we actually plan for, like, getting us both into the lavatory at the same time? Like, I worry. I guess I. I guess I've always assumed that, like. Like, I would be the one going in second. And so I always worry, like, what happens if, like, someone else is standing there? The stewardess is like, that one is Aki. Like, someone's in there. And then. And then I'm like, outside the lavatory. I can't, like, text you because you're not supposed to use your phone on the plane. So, like, I'm like, oh, well, I'm not coming in because the stewardess told me not.

To. Well, see, I.

Think. I see. I think through all the. All the ways that it could go awkward for.

Me. Okay, this is interesting, because if that was, like, the main thing that came up for you, one creative way around it is. We could say you're the one who goes into the bathroom first, and I'll be the one to deal with the potential repercussions of getting.

Caught.

True. See, like, this is what I mean. Just being creative and kind of talking it through and realizing different takes. You.

Can. Yeah. I mean, so that's why it's so important to just, like, be honest about what's going on for you, because it's like, I just assumed that this was the way it had to be, and perhaps it.

Doesn'T. Interesting final idea. You throw a bag of peanuts at me after we're done having.

Sex. What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Okay. That joke did not go over.

Well. Yeah, Sorry. It took me too long. It took me too long to understand. But, Vanessa, most airplanes don't get peanuts anymore because of peanut.

Allergies. Well, I can't eat the pretzels, so.

That'S. We were. We just flew on Southwest, and they had a really nice snack mix. I was very happy. It was like, Chex.

Mix. Can't eat it. I was asleep with my mouth wide open on that flight. All right, that brings us to step five. This step we included for the specific scenario where let's say that your partner has a fantasy that is very central to them. It's really important for them to be able to. To fulfill this fantasy. And, you know, you are not interested in it. It's not in alignment with your boundaries. You're just a hard. No. So we wanted to talk about a specific step for this, because this is, like, the hardest situation to deal with. Right. Your partner really wants to do this. You really don't want To. So I think that in these kinds of situations, it can be very useful to talk about other options for your partner's satisfaction. So in this example, one possibility for you guys is to explore other options for fulfilling your partner's fantasy. That may be them going outside of the relationship to fulfill the fantasy. It could even be the two of you, like, taking a break to give them some time to explore this aspect of themselves. Obviously, this is, again, the most challenging of the challenging situations that comes up. And I think it's a very, very small percentage of overall differences in fantasies. But we wanted to include it because the bottom line, there is no one size fits all approach. And there are ways that we can be creative and think of other options, think of other solutions when it is, again, something that, like, is very central to your partner's identity. So I'm really thinking about that example we mentioned earlier of if you're in a male, female relationship and let's say your male partner's like, I just. I really want to see what it's like to be with another man, you know, or maybe it is like the BDSM one and you're like, I'm not going near that. I'm not doing any of that. But maybe it's, you know, your partner could explore with somebody else. So there are a lot of different ways that you can do this, a lot of different configurations, but we just want to include it because I think a lot of people put this pressure on themselves to feel like you're the one who has to fulfill all of your partner's fantasies and be everything that they want, you know, everything that they need. And the reality is that's hard to find inside and outside of the bedroom. Obviously, this brings up questions of monogamy. What do we feel comfortable with? It's going to be different for every couple, but I think at least the idea of discussing it, even if you don't follow through on it, I think there's something about, like, your partner at least feeling, like, respected enough and seen enough for you guys to have the conversation of, is there a way to, like, explore this outside of the.

Relationship? Yeah, it means a lot to be able to be like, yeah, we can at least talk this through. We can talk about what kind of possibilities there could be, what kind of boundaries would need to be. Be in place. How creative can we.

Get? That's a really good point. Yeah. Because I think, like, a lot of times people here open up the relationship and they just think, like, free for all we can do, you know, but it doesn't have to be that way. Like, you may have very specific rules and boundaries in place of, okay, you can put up a dating profile and flirt with people online, but no physical contact. Or you can make out with somebody, or you can use your hands with somebody, but it doesn't go further than that. There are so many different ways that you can break this down and still have a lot of boundaries and guidelines in place. Not just complete and utter free for all. All right, so that wraps up our five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships. So we wanna bring up one other topic that often comes up in fantasies. A lot of times if you ask somebody what their fantasy is, you might get a deer in.

Headlights. Look, I've been there.

Before. A lot of people feel like they don't really know what their fantasies are. What even are the options? We put together a really quick little guide of the most common fantasies and this is based on some pretty recent research. It has found what the most common fantasies are. So we will put a link to download that in the show notes and hopefully it'll give you a little creativity, a little.

Inspiration. All right, that's all for today's episode of Pillow Talks. Thank you so much for listening. Join us again next week when we talk about attachment arrangement.