Still Talkin' Bout Sex, Baby with Vanessa and Xander Marin

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Let's talk about sex, baby about sex.

Baby let's talk about you and me.

Talk about all the good things and.

The bad things that may be Guys, we haven't talked in so long I don't even know where to begin. Oh, man, I don't even know where to begin. Do we talk about Chapel Rowan, whom I love.

She's the best. Who? Chapel Roan.

Hot to Go.

Pink Pony Club.

Huge. She's. She's a big. The current kind of big pop star of the summer, along with Charlie xcx.

Charlie XCX is having to come back, huh?

She's having the huge, huge summer.

Charlie XCX is.

Yeah.

It's only been. It's only been on the radio for like two weeks, though.

And it's everywhere. The new color.

More than two weeks. She did a collab with Billie Eilish. I think it was the. The fastest growing collab ever. Yeah. The remix of guests. It was all about being able to see someone's underwear.

Do you know where. You know where? Charlie xcx. Where I first heard her.

Where? Donald.

That little Iggy Azalea song, Fancy.

Oh, she wasn't that.

Yeah.

And then she had Boom Bap. It's all in my heart. That beat goes on and on and on and on and boom.

Baptist.

Makes me feel good.

Yeah. Well, she has an enormous hit album that everyone is listening to. And it's all I know my daughter.

Put it on yesterday.

Yeah. And am I saying her right name right? Chapel Rowan. Yeah, Chapel Rowan.

Chapel Rowan.

She. Donald, this young lady had a concert at Lollapalooza, and Lollapalooza said that's the biggest crowd we've ever had.

Wow.

That's nuts for this one artist. She's. Both of these young ladies are blowing up. I'm gonna enjoy great albums. You're gonna like great albums.

You know what?

Yeah. You'll like Chapel Rowan. Donald, the song I recommend you start with because I listen to it a lot and I know y' all think. Of course Zach likes Chapel Roan because he loves the girly pop. Red Wine Supernova.

It's so good.

You know that one?

Oh, yeah.

Out on the deck.

Put her canine in the side of my neck.

Hey, that's just fire. Real good. I've been driving around L. A. With, like, Bob in my head to that.

Yes. She's inspired by the drag queens. She has incredible outfits.

What is that relationship? Is she. Is she a queer person? Is she out of.

So she's queer, right? She's a bisexual. She's of my people, but she.

But the drag queens love her. What. What's going on with that story? Why? She was performing at a lot of.

Gay clubs, and I see drag performer was like, I think you are a Cisgender drag queen, which, if you about drag, it's just like, like overly heightened feminine energy. So there are cisgender drag queens. And she was like, I really embrace this idea. I love it. And so she started doing, like, just extra big makeups and costumes. Donald for her Lollapalooz was in luchador outfit with bodybuilders behind her. Phenomenal.

So good.

Good for her feminine. I saw some video that was like, I don't know how many years ago it was, but not that many years ago. And it was like her busking for, like, nobody. Or maybe she wasn't busking. She was on a stage with, you know, one of those things where you see video and there's like 20 people. There's a P. Park. Oh, right. And then you cut. And then they. And then they. In the video, they cut to lollapalooza and like 80,000 people this crazy. Crazy how one's life can change.

Yes, we've seen it. We've seen it firsthand.

Yeah, we've seen it.

Josh Raiden.

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah, but Josh Raiden's. We've seen it, like in music with Josh Raiden.

Yeah.

Maybe not to this level where.

No, not at that level, but of course at his own level. Yeah, we saw his life change. He was sleeping on my couch.

It's really interesting where music can take you because it doesn't. It doesn't happen for everybody, but for the selected few. You know what I mean? If you can ride that wave for a long time, you're even. So you're. You're the 1% of the 1%. But for the selected few that get that moment, that 15 minutes, yo, you know, enjoy that shit. I know that. I feel like that's why all of these artists are so fucking out of their minds and stuff. They're like, this shit could be gone tomorrow, bro. They might not buy the next song. So enjoy this right now. You know what I mean?

Because, you know Charlie xcx. I mean. I mean, I. I haven't heard from her making music in a long time. And all of a sudden, this has been like the most viral album. It's everywhere.

Yeah, you never know. You never know, John, you know, the Jon Cryer episode just here and stuff like that. He was talking about that. He was talking about how it seemed like his career was over. He was looked at as the guy who was given the chance. And you know what? It didn't work. So, yeah, we're going to move on. And he found a way to get back in these people's faces and show.

Them that's what's crazy about this, this, this career path, this, this industry is that you absolutely have no idea what could happen tomorrow. And that's the, that's the, that's the high and the low of it is that, you know, you can. I was talking about this. I'm doing press for Bad Monkey, which I guess by the time this airs, it's on Apple tv, the new show with Vince Vaughn. And I have a, I have a role in it. But I was doing press and they were like, you know, how do you. When did you know this show was good? I was like, you never know. Anything's good. I directed the second episode of Ted Lasso and I remember thinking like, this is cute. Like, this will definitely find an audience. Like, yeah, people who like sports and like, you know, Jason. Jason Sudeikis is so funny. This will be cute. I had no idea it was gonna become like, you know, this global phenomenon and you just, you just like John Carter saying, you just have no idea. One day you got absolutely nothing going on, the next day you're in a. You're, you're playing the 80,000 number one.

Show man, that's nominated for an Emmy. Just Emmy. You know what I mean? It's crazy talking about how your life changes. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's, that's what it is.

And also the ebbs and flows of the business that, like, you can have a, you know, just as Charlie X as an example, like, I don't remember last time hearing her put out music, and now she puts out music and she's like, you know, the, the, the it girl, the.

Of.

The talk of the town, the hawk of the town. What else can we talk about? What's happen.

Talk about Deadpool Wolverine, please.

Oh, did you love it? I haven't seen it. Obviously, neither have I. I haven't seen Deadpool Wolverine. Did you love it, Donald? Were you very pleased? Don't give, don't give spoilers for audience members.

We don't have to talk about it. It's all right. I liked it. It was a good, entertaining movie.

It did very well at the box office. People seem to really love it.

They keep going back too, opening weekend.

Do you think it saved Marvel, Donald?

There was nobody in the MCU in it.

But that's not true. The whole TVA is in there. That's all MCU stuff.

That's the only Loki. And that's. And that's. And that's closest, but that's as close as Deadpool got. Oh, also, Favreau in the beginning. Spoilers.

What else can we talk about, guys? What else is happening? Joelle, how's your life?

Life is good, man. Can't complain.

Are you dating?

Are you.

Are you.

Are you flirting? Any. Any fun summer flings going on?

I'm talking to somebody.

Okay. There's some talking going on, chatting.

But she's cool as hell, and I like her, so.

It's nice to have a crush, right? Isn't it nice to have a flirty banter going on?

It's delightful. We exchange. I'm a big fan of voice notes. We just exchange voice notes all day. And I'll look like. I'll get.

Like.

I just don't get voice notes.

So cute. So, yeah, it's. It's fun to be flirty and talking and learning about, like, really getting to know somebody. So I'm having fun.

It's cute when you're in those early stages when they can. Where you don't even know the person, barely, but it's just like flirting, getting to know them. That's so on.

Oh, God, yes.

Then all of a sudden, something happens, and you're like, something happens. You're like, oh, no.

Knock on Woods. Not over here. It's gonna continue to be great in this corner.

Yeah, I've been married for a bit. I'm all right, man. I survived the. I survived that Red Flag station.

Yeah, you did.

The moments of. Is that a deal breaker?

Right?

Are you going through anything that you want to talk about, Zach?

No, I'm not going to talk about my personal. But I do. I. I will. I will go so far as to say that it's fun to have the flirty banter and. And be excited. Be all geeked out like a. Like a kid when you get a cute picture text, you know.

I miss those days. Those days. Don't.

Casey doesn't send you a cute picture.

No, she'll send me funny memes. That's our little banter nowadays, you know what I mean? I'll get a. I'll get a little gif. Or a. Or a frickin. You know, a meme. A meme or a. What are those things where it's like a TikTok.

Yeah. Do you. But Casey never sends you, like, a scandalous picture.

No, I sent her the scandalous shit. She never.

Come on, guys.

You know the deal.

Yeah.

I'll be sending my wife unsolicited dick pics all of that.

And is she ever, like, whoa.

Yeah, she always puts the. Rolling her eyes.

That's not. Whoa. Rolling eyes, emojis. That's funny.

Or she'll put. Or she'll be like, the kids have the phone.

Oh, God.

And then she'll be like, I'm just with you. And it'll be.

I sent her this meme that was like. I sent her this meme that was like. Of, like, from a woman's point of view. She's like, I always know when my husband's on the toilet, because I'll get like, you know, 50 memes in a row, right? And I sent that to Casey, and she goes. And she wrote back, you know our husband. Well, that's funny.

Too cute.

That's funny. How about Bill Lawrence in the press, like, saying all this stuff about Scrubs reboot. I don't know if you've seen it.

What did he say?

I haven't heard it. Well, Bill can't help himself when he's in front of a microphone and he's doing all the bad monkey press, and he gets all geeked out in front of the journalists. And, you know, they ask him, without fail, what's the Scrubs reboot gonna be? And the latest thing he said was like, I'll probably have an announcement for you in the next six months.

Okay.

That's what he said. That's what he said this week. And I was actually doing press next to him, and they're like, well, Zach, what do you think? And I'm like, I only find out this when. When he talks to journalists because he gets all geeked out and wants to, like, you know, titillate y'. All.

Well, let's find.

Anyway, I think shit's getting real is all I'm saying. For you fans out there that are interested, I think shit's getting real.

Let's talk about Simone Biles.

Okay. There you. Finally. I was gonna say you're like, what else is going on? I'm like, the Olympics. Oh, sorry. Olympics, everybody. Olympics. Simone Biles. Wow. She rules. Did you watch a lot of it?

Incredible.

I've been watching the Olympics. I've been watching a lot of highlights of the Olympics because they come on at such weird hours and stuff like that, live. And then once you know the score, it's like. Or who won. It's like, I don't really care to see any of the. You know what I mean? That's the. That's the. That really sucks about, you know, the timing and all of that stuff.

It's Like, I keep thinking about what the. How is this gonna happen in la?

Like, right, I'm not gonna be here. Dude, we gotta get the out of here.

No, but, like, I mean, if you don't live in. Bro, if you. If you're listening and you don't live in la, as most of you, I imagine, don't.

In the words of Kamala Harris, don't come.

Don't come. Do not come. Do not. What is it? Do not come. Do not.

Yeah, do not come.

Do not come. Have you guys seen that video? Yes. Where Trump's. They cut together. Trump going, I'm going to come. And she goes, do not come. Do not come too good.

I'm going to come.

Do not come. I'm. I have to say that, you know, if you don't live in la, you know the rumors that we have a serious traffic congestion problem and the idea of the Olympics being here. Where are these people going to park? Where. Where is anything?

Where is the public?

You remember Carmageddon?

Yeah, Carmageddon, la. LA just doesn't have the. Doesn't have the bandwidth to hold.

We want the infrastructure for it.

Do you know how? Dude, the infrastructure's fucked already. And they're going to build a bunch of shit to fucking Olympics already.

Where are they gonna hold? Where are they gonna hold these things? Like pools?

At Iowa, we have coliseums.

We have.

So far, we have so many different. There's so many different spots in Los Angeles where you can hold.

I know, but I'm talking about people getting around this city.

Yeah.

Tough. I mean, I know they're. They're trying to build more, you know, subway lines, but it's so many. Yeah. Two weeks.

Two weeks.

It's gonna up the city for, like, two months.

Well, I need to freaking house up. Board your house up. They have four years out of la. If you hear. Because they coming, y', all, they coming.

They're not gonna come where you live, dude, you're gonna be.

They're gonna be everywhere. It's gonna be everywhere. You're gonna be a Thousand Oaks. Y' all gonna be a Thousand Oaks. And freaking be like, where the did all these people come from?

How funny. Snoop, by the way. He's fucking hilarious. Snoop rules.

Amazing. I hearing he's getting paid $500,000 a day.

Yeah.

To, like, go around and be an ambassador for the Olympics, essentially, and just show up.

Oh, my God, what a deal.

That is the best.

He's funny, though. When he said. He said there was some quote from him like, he was going to the dressage where the horses dance, and he's like, I'm excited to see these horses and feed them some apples before they do their thing.

He's crazy.

I love it, though.

He's just funny, man. Yeah. And you see that meme of him, like, with his glasses down, look. Yeah, yeah, that one's funny, too. All right, let's talk about sex. Ladies and gentlemen, obviously, we're gonna get into sexual talk. If you happen to have your kids listening, this is not the episode. Because we're gonna ask good questions.

We're gonna talk about shafts, and we're.

Gonna talk about clitoris. Is the. Is the plural clitoris? Clitori?

Joel, that is a question for professionals. I don't know.

Okay. I've never had my first question for.

Okay. I don't know where.

Well, I bet there's people born with multiple clitori. All right, let's count us in.

5, 6, 7, 8 stories about show.

We made About a bunch of docs.

And nurses and a janitor who love to hate I said he's got stories that you all should know so gather around. You here, Gather around. Here are scrubs. We watch. Vanessa and Xander. Vanessa and Xander. Vanessa and Xander.

Hi, guys. You're our favorite. Yeah, I think you're my favorite guest. I'm sorry to everybody else. I think you guys are my favorite guest.

You could talk about.

Oh, my God.

Sex, sex, sex. Since you guys have been on, all he said to Joel is, we really need to get them back on the show.

That was a really big episode because I thought, you know, people loved it. I hope you got a lot of good feedback, you two, because people stop me on the street, and they're like, I bought the anus guide. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Oh, Vanessa and Xander. So you must have sold a lot of guides.

We got a lot of great feedback. We really loved being on here, and I'm so glad that now we have, like, a custom little tone for ourselves, a custom jingle, and to be the best guest. That's pretty exciting.

For those of you that didn't catch the first episode of Vanessa and Xander, Vanessa, you are a licensed sex therapist, correct?

Yes, correct.

Xander, you are not.

Xander, you are not. But you know a lot.

But you get to experience all of the lessons. Vanessa's experiments through college and school.

He's just a cool dude.

Yeah, cool dude. I got a lot of cool dude credentials.

I feel like, Xander, you're not a dude to, like.

You're a fucking Cool. Dude. Dude.

Xander, I feel like you're sort of the test subject. I feel like Vanessa goes out and she learns some new technique, and she's like, honey, put this in your butt. And then you guys, like, try stuff out.

Wait, I mean, literally yesterday we were wrapping our. Our full bodies in plastic wrap to try out a weird tip that I'd read on the Internet.

Exactly what I pointed.

Definitely an accurate description.

That's my point. I want to remind everybody that Vanessa has written these guides. Well, tell us, tell us about the book and the guides again because, you know, I want to. I want to let everyone know, you know, what you have to offer them.

Yeah. Thank you so much. So we wrote the book together. It's called sex Talks, the five conversations that will transform your love life. And you can get that anywhere. You get books. You can also go to sextalksbook.com and we have all the links there. We give you a free workbook with it as well. And then we, in our own business, like, really specialize in creating how to guides.

Yes. Which is very helpful for people.

Yeah.

Like, we all feel like we're supposed to be great at sex, but I think we talked about this last time. Like, where do we learn? Whoever sits you down and says, okay, here's step by step exactly how to go down on a woman or how to give a guy the best blowjob he's ever gotten in his entire life.

Where can said guides be found? Again?

Yeah. Yeah. Donald wants to be reminded where said guides can be found.

Those can be found@vmtherapy.com vmtherapy.com vmtherapy dot com guides, intercourse guides, all sorts of stuff.

Well, and there's specifics because I remember last time there's specifics for, like, everything you need to know about the vagina, the penis, and the anus. Right.

We cover everything.

Yeah.

We talk about initiation. We have sex challenges, connection challenges. We actually, our newest thing is something called Best week ever. A lot of people have come to us and they've. They're like, everything looks so good, I don't know where to start. And so we wanted to create a really concrete starting point for people. It's seven days, 10 minutes a day or less, but really gives you, like, the best introduction to everything that we do. So you can go straight to vmtherapy.com best if you want to check that.

Donald, you should get that for you. And Casey, I'm sure she'd be down for seven week intensive sex course.

Listen, guys, I'm gonna be honest.

She covers a lot of the things that we talked about with you guys last time. Like, kind of the emotional.

Yeah, Donald, let's have a check in. Let's have a check in.

Yeah.

Did you do.

Any of you guys fucked me is what happened.

All right.

That's what happened. All right. You fucked me.

Wait.

No, no.

That's it.

What do you mean, wait? Wait? Wait for what? I'm going right to it.

No, no, wait. I have a question. I want to remind the audience that Vanessa suggested that there was something called chore play.

I don't like chore play anymore.

No, no. Did chore play not work for you?

Chore play doesn't work for me. I've opted on less sex. There we go.

All right, Interesting. Tell me more.

That shit. I don't like short play. I don't like doing that shit. I don't like my kids. I don't. I mean, I love my kids, but I don't like hanging out with my kids. So short play, see you later.

But what about. What about chore play in the form of, like, doing the dishes and cleaning up a little and saying, honey, don't worry. I got. I took care of X, Y, or Z for you.

Yeah, I do that every now and then, but I don't need sex to do that. That's cool. It's all right. I've opted out of the whole scheduling chores for me shit. Nah, fuck that. Nope. No, no, no.

All right. So. So. And it hasn't improved any. Your. Your ability to get more intercourse than you were getting. You felt like you wanted. You had an appetite for more.

No, they. You guys gave my wife a power that I am. No, I don't. I don't. It's. It's. It's too strong. I am. It's my kryptonite. She's like, chores. And I'm like, now I'm good. Never mind.

Oh, you got to do the work. You got to do the work. I can hear my therapist saying, I don't.

But I don't want to do. I don't want to do the. I don't want work. I feel like this is what it felt like to me. It felt like I was doing the work to have sex. And I was like, ah, it's all right when you want to have sex.

Yeah. So the idea here is not that you earn sex by doing chores. Like, oh, you wash, like, 20 dishes and you get one blowjob. Like, it's not a. It's not a reciprocal exchange here.

That. That would be.

That would. I mean, unless you want to come.

Up with, like, wash so many dishes. I would. 20 dishes is.

So it's not an exchange. It's not an exchange. But the idea here is that what we're really looking for, what a lot of us women are really looking for, and people of all genders, like, we want a real partner in life. Like, we want somebody who's there with us through the thick and the thin and who's participating in those everyday activities with us so that we feel connected to them in those ways. And so it does. Again, it's not about, like, doing the decision exchange for things. And there are plenty of couples. Like, we have a ton of chores that we don't like doing, so we've hired them out. You know, we have a housekeeper that comes. But we find ways to be partnerships in other ways so that we both feel supported by each other and we want to be intimate with each other even after, like, a long, hard day.

Vanessa, is this one of the most common things that you get faced with? I wanted to ask you that right off the bat. For those of you who didn't hear the first episode, Donald and Casey talked about a difference in their libidos and how much sex they want. And I wondered, is this a very common thing with couples for you, in your practice?

It's extremely common. I mean, I would even go so far to say that every couple has mismatched libidos simply because you're two different people. Like, it would be really weird if every single time you wanted sex, your partner also wanted sex, and they wanted the exact same kind of sex in that moment. Like, that. That's just too strange. So we all have these natural differences. I think one of the big problem is that we are so afraid of that term. Like, ooh, mismatched libidos. Ooh, that's so scary. Oh, it's a problem. Oh, are we incompatible? And we get freaked out about it instead of recognizing, like, yeah, we're different people. We want. Like, some nights I want Chinese for dinner, and Xander wants Italian for dinner. Like, we don't freak out about that. We just figure out, okay, how do we negotiate these differences? It's the same thing with sex.

The mastery. It comes in the communication. Right? Because I think people are so afraid to talk about this stuff in all aspects. I mean, we can talk about, you know, you know, trying new things, which we'll go into. But, I mean, I think even people have such a insecurities around sex because it's. It's. We were told our whole lives it's so taboo that. That. That we're afraid to talk about it. Right.

Yeah. And, I mean, imagine anything else in your life trying to do it well with zero communication. Like, you guys have a business together. Could you run this business? Never talking about it. Like, the idea is preposterous. Like, of course not. Right.

Yeah. I mean, it would. It would be like, oh, well, we are so in sync, and our business, like, our concept is so good that we should never have talk about it. Like, it just. It just goes over well, you know?

And, like, yeah, you guys have been friends for a long time. You've been working together for a long time. Why do you need to communicate? Shouldn't you be so in sync with each other? Right. Like, it sounds ridiculous, but that's what we do with sex is, you know, oh, it should just be perfect and amazing, but nobody should ever have to talk about it. It's crazy.

And that's the one thing I hate. I hate that. I hate that any type of conversation of sex has to. First of all, all right. Is everybody comfortable with talking about sex? Like, are we all good with this? I don't. You know, especially, you know, like, sometimes I like to talk about sex with my wife, and she doesn't necessarily like to talk about it as much as I do. And I don't like that. I don't like that it's something that's so taboo. But yet you look at other couples like yourselves, where you guys can have the conversation all the time and it's not an issue, and.

Yeah, but they're experts. I mean, you know, but. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, there's. There's things they can.

Nobody's an expert. Only God's an expert.

We've had our. Yeah, we've had our own challenges with this. Like, we. I started this business by myself. Xander and I did not work together for many years. And we went through the exact same pattern that the vast majority of couples go through where, you know, the beginning of the relationship, it was super hot and heavy. It felt like the chemistry was amazing. Like, we were like, okay, this is it. This is my person. And then we get a year, two years into the relationship, we've moved in together, and all of a sudden we're looking around thinking, like, oh, my God, what happened to us? Like, I don't remember the last time we had sex. The sex that we are having is pretty boring. It's not very exciting or like, fulfilling and pleasurable. And we ourselves, even though I was already in this field, like, we struggled to talk about it. The only conversations that we ended up having, like, the very few were really negative. Like, it was just complaining and criticizing. We didn't get anywhere with it. Like, we didn't solve any problems. So we've been there ourselves, and it was us going through that experience and learning. Oh, maybe the first conversations that we have about sex should not be the bad things and the complaints and the criticisms. Like, maybe we need to find a different way to creating a foundation.

That's a great segue, Vanessa, because I imagine there's a lot of people listening who are, like, who can relate to everything you just said. I love my partner. We have had amazing sex. We've been together a while. It's gotten a little routine. How do you. How do you begin to have a conversation with that person that isn't. That isn't going to make them feel bad? You know, what do you recommend for people as a first step? Because I'm sure a lot of people who can relate, you know, it's not that the sex is. Is bad, but it's a little like, oh, this is how we've always done it. It's almost like. It's almost like an erra. How do you. How do you. How does. How does someone who's listening to this approach this. With this partner in a. In their partner in a way that won't upset the partner?

So do the exact opposite of what Xander and I did. Like, instead of launching straight into all the criticisms and complaints, you've gotta build a foundation of talking about sex in a positive or even just a neutral way. Like, you've gotta get to the point where you feel comfortable with it. Like, comfortable talking about sex the same way we talk about, like, oh, what do we want to have for dinner? What's the weather gonna be like tomorrow? So what we recommend is, like, that. Yeah. So we want to start talking about positive experiences. So one of the best things you can do is talk about some of your favorite sexual experiences together. So this is not a conversation to, like, achieve any sort of goal to, like, eventually try to solve any problems. It's literally just like, hey, you know what? Memory popped into my head just really randomly the other day. Or, like, you know what I had a dream about the other night? That anniversary trip that we took when we were in Mexico. We stayed at that hotel. You know what we did in the bathtub? Like, you just want to talk about sex in a Positive way. You can also use this podcast as a great way to open up a conversation. So it's like, hey, you know my favorite podcast? I listen to it every week. They had the sex therapist and her husband on today. Do you want to listen to it with me? It was a really interesting conversation.

And then you can just, like, keep hitting pause and be like, oh, hey, like. Like, what do you think about this? Or like, oh, does this ever happen in our relationship? Like, little things like that where it feels. You feel a little more detached from it. Cause it's like we're talking about it. It's not, you know, you guys having to talk about it yourselves. But, yeah, just, like, seeing, you know, how we talk about it and just feeling more comfortable.

And that's actually what we design. Like, our whole Instagram account we're at Vanessa and Xander to do is, like, we talk about other people's stories. We share statistics about our audience. So it gives you this neutral way of like, like, oh, look, I was just looking at their story. They say 91 of women say that intercourse isn't their favorite sexual activity. Like, isn't that crazy? You know? So when you're talking about it in this more objective way, rather than, why do you never initiate? You never seem to want me anymore. You couldn't stay hard the last time we had sex. Like, that's a totally different.

Then people get defensive and they're. They get defensive and then they're not listening. It's like any. It's like. It's like. It's like having a conversation about any topic. If you. If you. If you put someone on the defensive, they're not going to be listening in the same way.

Exactly.

Let's take a break.

We'll be right back after these fine words.

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop, voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere. And Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing features feature upgrades. Visit lgusa.com iheart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag reader's choice. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

I don't know about you guys, but I love to buy gifts. I love it so much. I love it so much more than getting gifts. But the one thing that I do love, especially when it comes to my daughter, is getting matching things. I know it's such a cliche, but I love it so much. So I have the perfect brand for you. Pandora Jewelry can make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs that doesn't just sparkle but speaks. From new festive charms to forever rings and personal engravings, this season give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship, or a heartfelt gift for a family member, say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now@pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store.

10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000.

This is where mindset comes in.

Someone will be eliminated.

Pressure is coming down.

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plum, Brianna Stewart and more are back to redefine the game. Unrivaled Batman Basketball Season 2, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy Tips off January 5th on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

Max support for the show comes from Public the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the it screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member finra, SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures.

Just because you went there for a second, talk about that for a second. I remember last time you Saying this is a bit of a non sequitur, but you said some surprising figure to me about the percentage of women that can have an or. Orgasm from penetration pennant.

What.

What do you call it?

Yeah, yeah, it's only 10 to 15%. This is one of the big misunderstandings.

You know, there's people that listen to this that came up to me, and they said that was one of the most shocking things they heard.

So they're lying. So they're lying.

Yeah, A lot of. A lot of women are lying because that's just how.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Vanessa. 10 to 15%?

Yeah.

Penetration alone.

We're not including, like, using your hands for assistance, because right now.

No, no, I know, I know. I want to get. I want to. I want to get to that. But my first is, like, just. Just penetration. You're saying that the stats show 10 to 15 of women can have an orgasm that way?

Yeah. Did we talk about the anatomy last time? Wait, I gotta find my. I gotta find my little model over here. Did we talk about anatomy last time?

Yeah, we talked about. But. But. But not everyone will have heard the episode, so go ahead.

Yeah, we're on video now, so.

And we're on video, so I can show you my cool.

Oh, yeah, you can show. That looks like an avocado. That looks like an avocado that you guys carved.

Oh, I feel sad for case if you think that's an avocado.

No, it looks. I thought it was an avocado, too. Audience, if you're just listening, it is green. And the vulvas I've seen are not green green, but go ahead.

Our. Our window is right in front of a bunch of trees, so it's casting a green light on it. But it's gold. It's meant to be real.

Oh, it's a golden vagina. Okay, go ahead.

When we're having a watch, you're going.

To want to watch this on video. Audience. On YouTube, because now we have. Now we have visual aids. All right, go ahead.

Okay. So the clitoris is this little white nub up here.

I've never seen it as a white nub, but that's interesting.

And have you seen it as this full shape?

Oh, my goodness, no.

That's.

Yeah. So this is actually what the clitoris looks like. So this little tiny nub of skin that most of us think of as the clitoris is just one small part of the whole thing. It actually splits off into these two legs. These are called crura. And it sits.

Is this available at your Website.

I wish it was, but I got this from another company. Okay, so when we're having intercourse. So the clitoris.

Let me back up.

The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the human body, male or female, any gender.

Way more nerve endings than the penis.

Yeah, there are eight to ten. Somewhere between eight to ten thousand nerve endings in the clitoris. Compare that to two to three thousand in the penis. So it's way more sensitive.

Yeah. So when you do it right, it's way better for a woman than for a man. I'm sorry. Sorry, guys.

But, yeah, that's interesting. Can I pause you there? Now, those legs that come down, they don't have all those endings. It's the clitoris itself.

It's the entire structure. But, yeah, you're getting towards the heart.

Of the matter here, which is great.

Yeah. So they're all throughout the structure, but, yeah, the little nub is particularly sensitive.

Little nub was a nickname.

It seems like this is why width is important. The legs seem pretty far apart compared to.

So when we're having intercourse, we're actually getting. The vast majority of stimulation is happening in the vagina. And the vagina. Compare it to those 8 to 9,000 nerve endings in the clitoris. The vagina does not have very many nerve endings at all. I keep looking for a proper scientific tally, and I still have yet to find one. And if you think about it, it's like childbirth is already excruciatingly painful. We don't want to have that area of our body, like, even more sensitive, even more sensitive, even more filled with nerve endings. So. So we women, during intercourse, we're getting stimulation of a part of our body that just biologically is not wired to feel a lot of pleasure. So intercourse, like, it can feel good. It feels very intimate. It's connecting. It's fun to try out different positions. But from a nerve ending standpoint, I like to say it's like the equivalent of playing with a man's balls. So, sure, for you, that might feel fun, it might be enjoyable, it might be pleasant, but. But for 99.99% of men, like, it's not going to be nearly enough stimulation to lead to orgasm. So intercourse for a woman is really like the equivalent of playing with a man's balls. It's just not.

I need that on a T shirt. I need that on a T shirt. Joelle, please have that in the merch shop for us.

Yeah.

So, yeah. So then, I mean, the reality is that.

Yeah.

So, yeah, when you penetrate inside the vagina the reality is the legs of the clitoris do extend around that area, but every woman's anatomy is different. Sometimes those legs are closer to the vaginal wall. Sometimes they're further from the vaginal wall. So that's why you can, you know, you can derive some pleasure from intercourse, but that pleasure, the amount, is really going to depend person to person. And, like, you know, it's just an anatomical reality of how your body. You know, how your body is.

I'm just shocked that it's so.

Width is. Width is not. Doesn't. I mean, it seems like where the wolves are.

Yeah.

Girth can create a little bit more pressure or. Yeah, a little more like, stimulation. But it's also like, think about when you have a knot in your back, you want your partner to, like, get their thumbs skin to skin. Right. Versus think about, like, you wearing a wool sweater and a down jacket and a parka and asking for. To massage you.

It's like.

Like, there's that much separation.

It's hard to, like, work through.

When I was a kid, I dry humped in my jacket, and I remember dry humping in my jacket and my pants and my boots and being like, there's nothing going. There's nothing.

There you go.

Great example.

Joelle's face is killing me.

Yeah.

All we did, we were kissing, and then we were like, you know, we were going. We were gonna go outside, but then we decided to kiss and everything, and we were like, dry humping. But we were dry humping with our jackets and boots and pants on.

Yeah, but when you were young, it still felt fun to be rolling around, dry humping.

Well, yeah, pretty fun.

Yeah.

The excitement was there, but there was nothing like, it was literally, like. And now to find out that I'm even further away.

Right. Well, you're saying, Vanessa, what you're saying, it seems to me, is it depends on each individual woman's biology of how thick the wall is from the legs of the. Of the clitoris. Do I get that right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But again, it's like, let's imagine there could be different anatomy for men. Like, maybe, oh, my balls are, like, closer to the shaft. And so when you're playing with the balls, like, you sort of can get the shaft, but it's like, the bottom line is, no, if. If we want to get a guy to orgasm, we're going to focus on the penis. Like, that just makes the most sense. We're not like, oh, maybe your balls are, like, kind of close enough that I can get, you know, so we need to do the same with women. We need to give the clit.

So last time you were on, you said abc, right? Always be.

Always be touching the clit.

Always be close touching the clit. There's a couple missing letters, but. Always be clit.

Yeah.

Always be close.

Abc. Always be clit.

So what you mean is that obviously goes without saying, this isn't for every person, but a good direction to head is that. That to find a way to be stimulating the clitoris even whilst you're having intercourse.

And then after, stay away from it.

Yeah, it can get real sensitive afterwards.

Stay away.

Right.

But wait, this orgasm happens. Don't touch the clitoris anymore.

But wait, answer my question first. Vanessa, what I was saying.

Yeah, yeah, that is a great strategy to use. And also making sure you're using your hands and your mouth like before intercourse as well. I think we talked last time about, like, intercourse doesn't have to be the main event or like the last event or the last event. You know, we want to give just as much attention to using hands and mouths, too.

Right.

And then.

And really, this gets back to even the, like, the. The conversations about sex is that every, you know, every woman has a different, you know, slightly different anatomy. Every woman is going to have different preferences in terms of what type of clitoral stimulation she likes. You know, whether it's more direct stimulation, more indirect stimulation, you know, really light, you know, more vigorous and so vigorous. And so, you know, the reality is.

It'S so important to.

Donald likes vigorous.

But yeah, it's so important to be able to have those conversations, you know, when you're first starting to have sex with someone of, hey, what type of simulation do you like it when, you know, I touch your clit while we're having sex? You know, do you, you know, would you prefer to be touching it so that you're more in, like, what type, you know, do you want me to be more vigorous? Do you want me to be more gentle? More.

I get that the sooner the better for this in a. But also, you don't want to do it like, the first time you're having sex. I mean, I wouldn't.

Well.

Well, I mean, I don't know. You guys tell me, but it's like.

Maybe not as many questions, but.

Yeah, no, I just feel like. I just feel like you should if.

You guys are planning it. Why not? If you're like, because we're gonna do it tonight. Well, let me tell me.

No, that's not how it happens. In. In my experience, you.

When you.

The first time you have sex.

You.

It kind of happens and it's exciting and it's new and you're both like, kind of obviously turned on by it. I'm guessing that the first time through isn't the most ideal time to ask all these questions. Maybe. Maybe the second time. Or tell me I'm wrong. I don't know.

I think that couples should get used to communicating with each other right from the beginning. And so I wouldn't like, pepper somebody with questions of like, okay, please write me your manifesto of what you would like me to do to you tonight. Like Donald was saying, like, you can make it. You can. On a scale of 1 to 10, how vigorous do you want it?

Yeah.

What's your view?

You can make it feel sexy. Like, I'm so excited to see you later tonight. Like, tell me what you want me to do to you. And then in the moment, I'll give you a really simple, easy way to do this. Like, you could try.

I'm taking notes. Hold on, let me get my pen and my whiteboard.

This works great for couples at any stage of a relationship. But you can try two different techniques and say, do you like it better when I do this to you or when I do this to you?

Right.

So you're not like putting them on the spot, like, tell me how to touch your clitoris.

You're.

You're doing it in the moment and you're incorporating that communication into the actual activity. And that feels super hot. If someone like.

Right. And that's, that's a way to. Right. That's a way to do it in sort of a sexy way that is in clinical. Like, you like, oh, yeah, it's kind of like the optometrist. This or this.

That's exactly what I call it.

Yeah.

The eye exam technique.

Yeah. Oh, I'm going to try the eye exam.

When you're picking from like between one or two options, that's a lot easier. I think one of the big mistakes that men make in the bedroom.

Go on. Hold on, my pen is out.

Yeah, Let me take notes. Men ask women, what do you want? And a lot of us women totally freeze up for so many reasons. Like, first, it's a big question. How do I even start to answer that? Like, I feel like I have to write you the 20 page manifesto of exactly what I want. And then two. A lot of us women have never explored our own bodies. So many women have never had an orgasm. They've never masturbated. And so it's like, well, what am I Supposed to tell you, I don't know. Like, and then three, like, we also have been so socialized to be caretakers. Caregivers, like, put other people's needs and feelings above our own. So, like, I don't want to tell you something different from what you're doing, that maybe it'll hurt your feelings. So we never recommend asking that question. It's just too big. Instead, like, breaking it down into, like, yeah, do you like it this or do you like this better? That's so much more useful.

Yeah.

And then on the. On the far other extreme side, the other mistake that men make is assuming, okay, I've had sex with a lot of people, and I think I know the best way to, like, give her an orgasm. Like, I know the one way. And the reality is, like, we were talking about with anatomy, every anatomy is different. There's. So there's such a wide range, probably a wider range of preferences for women when it comes to how they like their clitoral stimulation. And so. So your way that you think worked for, like, the last X number of people that you had sex with. Like, that is most likely not going to work for this person, especially given.

That 77% of women say that they've faked an orgasm. So definitely your moves nearly as good as you think they are.

After this conversation. I say more than that.

Zach, I love you. Zach, I love you.

Sorry, sorry, guys. Brief break. Someone. Someone's trying to get into the conversation.

Zach, I love bad, bad timing.

I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. 70% of women.

77.

77.

I actually agree with Donald. I think it's higher than that. I think, hell, yeah.

And it's not just because they want it to be.

I think a lot of the statistics that women are given are, you guys are given a nice pass and you don't get the full statistic. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I'm learning. I think it's way higher than that. I think the cheating factor is way higher than people think. I think a lot of it. I think a lot of it is because of the lack of chore play that goes on. No, but I'm dead serious. I think that turns people into. When the conversation doesn't happen that you guys are talking about and when actions aren't taken after a conversation is had, I think it leads to, you know, outer marital stuff, and then you're in a whole whirlwind. So I think it's really important to have these conversations, even if you've never had them before. I think you should have them. Or, or you know, your marriage. This is for married people. Or your marriage isn't necessarily gonna thrive.

Is the faking an orgasm about like, I don't want you to a. I want it to be over. I'm over it and I don't. And you just said, yeah, that's what it is.

Yeah, that's, that's the most common reason given. But it's also like, I don't wanna hurt my partner's feelings. I know I'm not going to. Maybe I've never had one, so it just feels like the easier thing to do. Yeah, but definitely the most common one. Want to. Just want it to be over.

Yeah.

I think there's also that. Sorry. There's also just kind of like almost like faking by omission as well. You know, I think Donald was getting at, you know, it feels like that number could even be higher. There's obviously, you know, there's sort of the faking like putting on an act, like pretending that it is happening. But then I think there's also just the, the kind of fake faking where like, you're not really, you're not putting on an act, but you're not really like, like showing that anything is happening one way or the other. And then afterwards, you know, there's the classic like, oh, was it good for you? And, and, and she's just like, oh, yeah. Like, yeah, that was great. And you know, I know I've been guilty of that so often, like early on in my sex life, like, I didn't know how to ask the women that I was with, like, what they liked, how things really were. I had no idea if I was actually like giving them an orgasm or not. And I would just kind of like, like go for a while. And it's like, oh, seems like they're enjoying it.

Right?

That must have been, I think the optometrist. I did a good job.

I think the optometrist thing is a really good idea because it doesn't. It takes the pressure off and it feels sexy. It feels like a way to be almost, you know, playing a titillating game in a way.

Yeah, exactly. That's the exact kind of techniques that we aim for. Like things that feel fun and light hearted, they don't feel so serious, but they're still very, very effect in the moment.

Let's take a break.

We'll be right back after these fine words.

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10 upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop, voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere, and Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing features upgrades. Visit lgusa.com iheart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag reader's choice used with permission. All rights reserved.

I don't know about you guys, but I love to buy gifts. I love it so much. I love it so much more than getting gifts. But the one thing that I do love, especially when it comes to my daughter, is getting matching things. I know it's such a cliche, but I love it so much. So I have the perfect brand for you. Pandora Jewelry can make their holiday unforgettable with the gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs that doesn't just sparkle, but speaks. From new festive charms to forever rings and personal engravings, this season give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship or a heartfelt gift for a family member, say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now@pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora.

Store 10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of the of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000.

This is where mindset comes in.

Someone will be eliminated.

Pressure is coming down.

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. The best women's players on the planet are running it back with even bigger moments and bigger stakes. Don't miss as Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more take the court and redefine the game. This isn't your regular season. This is unrivaled, where the pace is faster, the energy is higher and every athlete shines unrivaled. Basketball Season 2, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5 on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

Max support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of startups, stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt from renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index, and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete the disclosures available at public.com disclosures.

Let's Talk about Threesomes I I've been.

Waiting for this conversation because I feel.

Like it's a common fantasy, I could be wrong of couples to have this. Like, oh, wouldn't that be crazy if we did that one day? Not all couples, of course, it goes without saying, but it's one of the.

Top three sexual fantasies. It's very common.

Okay, so. But I feel like it's very hard for people, even if it's a fantasy, to ever admit. No, I wasn't gonna say admit to it. I was gonna say to make it happen. Because even if they turn each other on by talking about it or they daydream about it, or it's a one day thing, people, you know, it's kind of hard to execute. Right? Because how do you, how do you choose who that person's gonna be? Can you speak to that a bit? Like let's say someone's listening to the this. They're a couple. It's always been on their like fantasy bucket list. But they don't even know. Like they probably shouldn't be a friend. It shouldn't be. Maybe they don't want to. What do people do who want, who want to try that?

Yeah, it's. It is really difficult. It's such a common fantasy, but very difficult to execute because of having to find somebody. So you have to find someone that not only both of you are attracted to and feels like a safe person to have it with, but also that person has to be attracted to both of you as well. And, and everybody has to be on board about wanting to do the same activities and have certain things be on the table or off the table. So it's a pretty high barrier to entry. I think these days, your best option is an app. Trying to find somebody through an app, just really put it out there. A lot of people just hope for that magical night, that things just all come together and it happens. But that's just super rare. But I would say for the vast majority of couples, Couples, it's important to. To recognize that we can fantasize about something without necessarily needing or wanting to do it in real life. So a lot of couples can get a lot of enjoyment just talking dirty about a threesome. Like, ooh, what would it be? Like, what would you want to do? What would it feel like for you to watch me be with this person? You know, you can talk dirty about it, role play with it a little bit, and, like, that might be enough for a lot of couples.

I was about to say that's. Yeah, sorry, Xander, go ahead.

I was just saying, I think where. Where it can start to get tricky is when you're transitioning from that, fantasizing about the idea of it into the practicalities, because then you start thinking about, okay, so, like, if we actually do this, assuming we do find the right person, then, all right, like, what activities are on and off the table for each of us? What do we do in the moment if one of us starts feeling uncomfortable? Or, like, that inherent moment where you notice that the other two people are more involved with each other and you're. You're kind of sitting and you're in.

The corner like this. This is supposed to be a threesome, guys.

Checking your Instagram.

Yeah. So then, you know, you start. Once you start getting through to a lot of those logistical things, it can start to feel like, huh, all right. This doesn't actually feel as exciting to me anymore now that I'm getting into the realities of it. I'm not saying that's a reason to not have it. It, like, many people are going to be like, okay, cool, yeah, let's. Let's talk about those logistical things. Like, let's go. Like, I'm good with that. But I do think that that's where a lot of people drop off from, like, being excited about the fantasy to then actually doing it in real life. Because it. For a lot of people, it just starts feeling like more trouble than it's worth.

Well, and also, it can get you into trouble. I mean, you. You may have, like, all the things you just said. You both might be into it, and you're excited, and then when it actually Happens. There's jealousy involved. There's like, you know. You know, I thought we. I thought we agreed you weren't gonna do that, but it seemed like you were doing that. It can be very complicated. It seems.

Also. Also once the dopamine hits and is gone and you don't necessarily feel the same way anymore, it's like, I don't necessarily feel like that was what I wanted to do. It was fun. But, you know. Know, I mean, I think that's. That's the most common thing. It's like, for. For. For me, I should say. Once. Once. I. I think that's just for everybody. Once, you nut. Everybody's like, all right, that was fun. What a sandwich.

Yeah. Should we call you an Uber? That's what you said. That's one of the top three of fantasies. Vanessa, what are some of the others that. That couples are.

Are.

Are excited. That's more actionable than inviting a third person into the room.

So the top three other ones there are group sex. They kind of differentiate group sex from threesomes. And also, like, kinky. Kinky sex. A little bit of bondage. Bondage, that's another high one.

And then is different from threesome.

Well, she's saying like, an orgy scene. They categorize it differently.

Yeah, more like orgy.

But another top one that I found so fascinating. Like, one of the most common fantasies for both men and women is just romantic sex. And I thought that was actually really sweet, that a lot of people fantasize about just having this, like, very passionate, emotional, like, romance with each other. So this one is very actionable. You can.

Yeah, those are the married people.

Yeah, like Fabio. Just dress up like Fabio and listen.

That sounds like a married couple with children. Because sex is. You try to have sex, as when you do try to have sex, it's like, all right, the kids aren't around. Let's try to get this going right now. But what you're really wanting is that, oh, I want to make love to you, darling. I want to kiss you.

Yeah. Or have it be like it was back in the beginning when you were really putting on your best show.

So I think that best in show, I like reminding people, like, you know, a fantasy doesn't need to be something wildly elaborate or super kinky. Like, it's totally okay to fantasize about just having some passion. Passion and romance with your partner. So if you want to bring back some of that energy, maybe it's like recreating your first date or just, like, having a nice date. With each other, where you get dressed up, you, like, look really nice, put on something you haven't worn for a while and just have that, like, quality time together.

Do you guys have your own podcast?

We do. It's called Pillow Talks. It comes out every Thursday.

Pillow Talk. Everybody check out Pillow Talk and remind people where they can get the guides on. On, um, all the things.

They're@vmtherapy.com and if you want that one, the, like, best starting point, the seven week challenge.

That's seven day.

Seven day. Sorry, not seven week. It's vmtherapy.com best.

Okay. And I assume you also do one on ones private, right?

I don't anymore, actually. Once we started building out the online guides and courses, they were so popular with people that we decided to, like, really go in that direction. It just makes it a lot more accessible.

Now, in your business, I imagine you get a lot of creepers, too, that reach out to you guys and stuff like that, where it's like, I used.

To when it was just me, but since Xander joined the business, like, years ago, they're actually minimal creepers. But I'm gonna knock on wood. Please don't creep us.

Please. But I should say for. But I should say for couples that are intrigued by this and maybe having a session, there are people that will get on Zoom with you and you can hire them to give you and your partner some coaching. Right?

Yeah, yeah, if you want to do that.

For sure. Okay.

Vibrators.

Wait a second.

Wait much coaching? Like at. You're watching them and you. No, Timmy, lift the ass a little higher. Well, I don't know.

I'm sure that exists, but that wasn't what I meant.

Okay.

That ex. It's not what I would recommend.

Joel, what did I say that was so wrong?

Situation just gave me, like, horrifying anxiety. Like what?

From the Zoom window?

No, I'm sure you can. I'm sure. Listen, you can find anything. I'm sure you can find someone to be like, no, arch Herbal back. Arch her back. But I wouldn't want that.

No, me neither.

Vibrators. And I don't mean dildos, but vibrators, even small ones, they can be of assistance for. For clitoral stimuli. Right.

And p. Penis.

And penis and balls and anus and all that. Right? We haven't spoken about that. Because you. You were talking about. I didn't mean to do that. Sorry. We were talking about making sure to always be closing. Always be touching the clit.

Always be clit.

Always be clit. What about, what are your thoughts on small vibrators to help with that?

Vibrators can be really great. I mean, there are some amazing toys these days. I always say with vibrators, like, you really get what you pay for. So you want to look for high quality materials, body safe materials, like medical grade silicone, that kind of stuff. So be careful with the toys that you're buying. But in general, yeah, they can be great. There are a lot of great toys that couples can use together that can, like, slip between your bodies. Wonderful for like long distance couples. There are some that have Bluetooth that you can program and like, use, you know, cross distances.

Yeah.

So the big question that always comes up with vibrators is, can you get addicted to them? And the answer to that is, no, you can't get addicted to a vibrator. But I do encourage people to be thoughtful about how they want to have their orgasms because basically, the way that you masturbate can start to create neural pathways in our brain that just make it easier to continue orgasming in the same way versus being able to do it in a variety of ways. So this is for any kind of masturbation. If you're always using a toy, if you're always using the same technique, if you're always watching porn, if you're always thinking about the same fantasy in your mind, like, you just kind of carve these pathways in your brain. And so with a vibrator in particular, like, one of the great things about vibrators is how easy they can make it to orgasm. But also because of that, sometimes some of us turn into lazy masturbators where it's like, we just like put the toy there, kind of wait around for it to do its thing. And so you can just get like, used to the reality that orgasms of the vibrator are very cold, quick, and you don't have to do much. There's not much effort involved. So if you want to have orgasms in other ways, like if you have your partner touching you, you might start to notice, like, ooh, it's just not feeling as good, it's not as fast. So if you are happy having all your orgasms of vibrators, go with it. If you want to have a variety of orgasms, make sure you kind of mix it up. Don't use a vibrator more than like about half the time.

Zander, like, and for me, men like, what do you recommend? Like, when, other than your hand, is there something that, is there a toy that men can Go out and get that a Theragun.

Yeah. Just beat yourself up with that Thera gun.

Yeah. I know we were talking about. About vigor and, you know, if you like. If you like vigorous stimulation, I would absolutely recommend the thera gun.

We gotta get sponsored by theragun.

Yeah. No, there are plenty of options out there for men. I mean, they're more like male focused, like, couple type of toys. Like, they're. You know, there are various rings that can vibrate or not vibrate.

Yeah. You know, in the. England. I think it was in the UK or somewhere overseas. You know, in the. In the men's bathrooms, they used to sell, like, you know, next to.

Oh, yeah, the little tiny vibrating.

Yeah, it would be a cockroach. Like a cock ring with a little vibrating top on it. I couldn't believe it. Believe it was for sale in the bathrooms, but I didn't buy one. But I always was curious.

You didn't.

I didn't. I mean, I was curious to see what it was like. But I can be honest in saying I've never done the experiment.

What else is there, Xander?

Yeah, I mean, there are all kinds of. There's all kinds of, like, male masturbator devices, like sleeves and.

But do those things work? I feel like those things are like, you know, they do.

We've heard some.

Yeah.

Some rave reviews.

Yeah.

Dominic wants to write down, which I don't mean for men alone. I'm talking about things that men can do with their partner. I'm not talking about, like, you know.

Yeah, it's mostly going to be cock rings that have, like, a little vibration attachment for her.

Yeah. Because you need to have the penis free for actual use with the partner.

And there's nothing you can do to make it bigger. Right.

You asked this last time.

I mean, not safely and not reliably.

When you say not safely, what is the risk? When you say not safely, you can.

Find a sketchy doctor to do some injections, like, you know, if you want.

Do you have a number? Give a number.

3.

1, 0.

I will say, like, women truly, like, really and truly do not care about penis size nearly as much as men.

I know, Donald. You need to get over that.

Do they care about penis? Girth.

Girth. I will say girth is more important than length. Length. But we hear.

Wait a second. Vanessa said they don't really care. But girth is more important than length.

But still they care about it a lot less. We actually hear from far more women saying, my partner's penis is too long or Too girthy, and it causes me pain and discomfort.

Where.

And we hear from far fewer women saying, like, my partner's penis is too small. I'm, like, not feeling enough stimulation. Zach, I love you. Yeah, it's really not nearly as big of an issue as most people think it is.

All right, Joelle's giving us that. We have to wrap it up with you guys. You're such great guests. You're so informative.

I can talk to you guys all day.

I know. I could talk to you all day, too.

I really could, man. I. I could honestly talk to you guys all day.

We have so many questions, but. And our audience loves having you on, so thank you so much.

And my wife does appreciate the fact that I have backed off quite a bit, and I kind of. And we have had conversations about. About quality being better than quantity, and so I really do. There's a lot to thank you for. I was joking when I said you guys. Me, the amount of sex has dropped off, but also, I've gotten a little bit more mature in my thought pattern and where and how we're supposed to.

Well, listen, the most. The most basic thing in all aspects of relationships is communication. And it sounds like even though you may not be getting as much sex as you want, it sounds like you're communicating.

Communication improved at top level.

There you go.

Oh, so glad to hear that. Yeah. Maybe we can come back and do another session with you guys, because that was so fun when she came in.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

Yeah. All right. Thank you.

I don't know if she's gonna come back in again.

Especially. Especially if you're not doing chore play.

Yeah, if I'm not doing. She's gonna be like, the chore. The chore play. It didn't work.

All right, thank you.

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I don't know about you guys, but I love to buy gifts. I love it so much. I love it so much more than getting gifts. But the one thing that I do love, especially when it comes to my daughter, is getting matching things. I know it's such a cliche, but I love it so much. So I have the perfect brand for you. Pandora Jewelry can make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs that doesn't just sparkle but speaks. From new festive charms to forever rings and personal engravings, this season give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship, or a heartfelt gift for a family member, say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now@pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store.

10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000.

This is where my that comes in.

Someone will be eliminated.

Pressure is coming down.

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. The best women's players on the planet are running it back with even bigger moments and bigger stakes. Don't miss as Paige Becker, Snafeeza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more take the court and redefine the game. This is this isn't your regular season. This is unrivaled, where the pace is faster, the energy is higher and every athlete shines. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5 on TNT, TruTV and HBO Max.

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with a It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member Finra SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures.

What great guests. I could have asked them so many more questions, Donald.

I could have gone on.

I had a lot of other topics.

And on and on and on.

We could pretend that you're the expert and I just ask you my questions.

No, because Joelle's not gonna like my answers.

Yeah, Joelle won't like your answers at all. I can tell.

Joel was like, every time I said something, Joel was like, donald, you're getting really close to that line.

Not every time.

Really close to that line.

You cannot hit a line with those folks. They'll answer anything you want. Want. I feel like that's the point. Their point is finding that line.

I know.

I think their whole thing. If I get anything from them, it's like, just don't. Just be uncensored with your partner. Obviously, of course, be respectful and. And. And be tactful and think of the right time for the conversation. But over and over again, what I seem to get from them is like, you have to be brave and have these conversations.

Read the room, too. Read the. The room. It's.

It.

There's a way to do it, and the way isn't listen and. And. And. And don't come from a negative side of things. Even though you might feel like, you know, that's the way to go. The. The proper way is to be complimentary and find other ways. It's almost like a. It's almost a game, but, you know, sex is a game.

I'm gonna try that eye exam thing when I'm with you next, I'm gonna like, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna grab your left cheek. I'm gonna be like this. And then I'm gonna grab your right cheek, and I'm like, or this.

And what are you gonna do after that?

And then if you're like both, I'm going to check your temperature through your body. If we were.

If we were a couple, you and I would have no problem communicating about sex.

Right? But I feel like your libido is way more than mine. I would not want to bang as much as you do.

You'd be getting banged a lot.

I know. I wouldn't want it.

We'd have to call some of our friends over and be like, there's no.

Amount of chore play you could do.

We'd have to call over our friends and be like, listen, we're having a white party.

There's no. There's no amount of chore play you could do that would make me want to bang. Bang as often as you'd want to bang. Yeah, my anus would be like, nope. Pucker up. Jesus. Word.

I would make your anus pucker is what you're saying.

Like, I just like, like, imagine I just ate a lemon like this. Yeah, my anus would. My anus would be like.

Yeah, sound like red fox. Big dummy.

This will. Yeah, that be the. That'd be the noise my anus was making. Wow.

Right?

Five, six, seven, eight. Oh, my God.

My word.

They're gonna eat that one up. Oh, my God. I'm keeping this part in the show.

Here's some stories about a show we.

Made about a bunch of docs and.

Nurses and a janitor who love to hate.

I said he's got stories that you all should know. So gather around to hear our Gather around to hear our scrubs rewatch show with Zack and I know.

This is.

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Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop? Voted PCMag's Reader's Choice. Top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere. And Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit LGUSA.com iHeart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11 PC Mag Reader's Choice. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Ten athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract for $250,000. This is where mind that comes in. Someone will be eliminated.

Pressure is coming down.

Trainer games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. Paige Beckers Nafiza Collier Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more are back to redefine the game. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5 on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

Max support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. Seriously on Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few companies clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member finra SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors LLC SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available@public.com Disclosures this is an iHeart podcast.

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