3 SECRETS To Letting Go Of Caring What PEOPLE THINK...

In this video, I'm gonna be explaining to you or sharing with you 3 ways you can let go of caring what other people think of you that will completely transform your life and allow you to be the most authentic version of you. And it'll allow you to really detach from needing or wanting or craving other people's validation and understanding really where this comes from, what part of the core wound this comes from. And it's actually very relevant. I'm gonna open up and share with you guys a story of something's happened in my life right now that I think will maybe reflect some things back to you. You'll be able to see how you may do it in your own life, especially with these motivations. But I've gone through many different levels of really caring what other people think of me. I've had moments where because I care so much about what other people think of me, I've created this internal pressure where I have to be a certain way. I've been afraid of sharing certain concepts on my YouTube channel because I really care and have wanted what other people thought of and cared what people thought of me. And I found that even with friends sometimes, I've had past where I've had certain friends that I look up to where I am like a yes man to them because I like them and I want their validation. And over this last year, that's completely transformed because I've stopped I've stopped trying to get a source of like validation and approval from the outside. Now, the core wound that this comes from is if we are afraid of being rejected or we have had some form of emotional abandonment from childhood growing up, many times what happens is we then become afraid of rejection. We become afraid of somebody withdrawing their energy from us And what happens is we then change our center of gravity. We'll then change who we think we are to then make other people like us or then to gain their sense of validation or their sense of support. So this is really a core wound. And many of us have this core wound where we are afraid of abandonment or we are afraid of rejection. And rejection is also the abandonment wound. So almost anybody that I've met that has had some form of people pleaser in them, and there's a lot of them, there's a lot of spiritual people that are people pleasers where it's like, I'm gonna say, or I'm gonna be nice to you, or I'm gonna give you the validation. You know, my dad's like the nicest guy in the world, and that's where I think I kind of absorbed that trait. And I had to learn to shed it because a lot of times being a people pleaser or being a nice guy, it's manipulation, it's transactional. If I can give you and be nice to you, then you're gonna give me something else. If I can be very agreeable and very nice, then you're gonna like me. And if you like me, then I like myself. And in this episode, by the end of it, you are gonna let that go completely. And I'm gonna show you the 3 secrets to letting that go. Now, before we get into that though, I wanna share with you something that's going on in my own life right now, something I'm dealing with that has reflected back even other layers of caring what other people think. And I just wanna be vulnerable and share this with you. So first off, an announcement. I also wanted to make this video as like a completely separate video, but it's like, it would have just, I wanted to give it meaning and kind of a lesson as well. So first off, I have an Instagram account like many of you guys may know, you may follow me. It's Aaron Doughty 44, no underscores, nothing else, just A-A-R-O-N-D-O-U-G-H-T-Y 44. Now the reason I share that with you is because there are accounts on Instagram that are pretending to be me. They're fake accounts. And what they do is they pretend to be me. They buy followers so that they actually have some followers. And then what they do is they reach out to people and they DM them pretending to be me saying, hey, would you like a psychic reading from me? I take a lot of energy from your picture and I would love to give you a psychic reading. And the thing is, is because I've made like 2,000 videos on YouTube, because I've developed trust with my followers, with followers and with people, with like people that follow me, there's a lot of people that take these people up on the offer. So they get scammed because they think they're talking to me when they're not talking to me. And they then send money or something like that. And basically it's like, it's something that, it's like a scam thing that's going on. And it's very challenging for me to get these accounts taken down. I've tried in many different ways. Instagram is such a big platform that it's like, it takes a while for things to get taken down. I have taken some legal action against some of the accounts because people do send me the screenshots of these accounts with the Zelle. Like I have the Zelle accounts. I even found the address to one of these people. I found the address and the phone number to these people by doing reverse phone lookups from the Zelle account. And I have the information. I'm like, what do I do with this? I could post this online. The person's from the Bronx in New York, right? Like what if I do that though? What if like I post that online and have people like report it or something or people send them letters or something like, I don't even know what I could do with this information legally without, what if like a subscriber went to this person's house in New York and this person, like something bad happened. I don't know. It's very interesting, but I have served legal papers to a couple of these people and I am pursuing it. It's just like this frustrating thing where even this morning I wake up and I have a friend of mine, somebody that I've known for like a year or two, send me this. Like a friend of mine thought that this account was me, even though like they only have 2, like 1,000 or 2 followers, 2,000 followers because they buy followers. And what happens is this person got scammed out of money and it's my friend. I'm like, why would you think that I would do this, right? Like, why would you think that I would do a psychic reading? So this whole thing has brought up a lot for me. On one hand, I don't want people getting scammed. I feel like there's also, I think, a feeling of victimhoodness in this because I feel like someone's doing this to me and there's not much I can do. I feel kind of powerless because if I reach out to Instagram, they're not doing anything. And then I realize that the root of this, root of a lot of this is really caring what other people think of me. And it's like, I don't want people to think that I'm a psychic reader trying to get people to do readings, 'cause that's not me. I've never done psychic readings or anything like, I don't even do coaching. Like I don't coach people one-on-one. I just, I make videos, I do live events, I do things more at scale. But there's like people that think I'm trying to get them to do psychic readings and people buy into it and they get scammed out of it, into it. And I'm like, why do people think that I would do that? So it's bringing up this stuff where I really care, not only that people are getting scammed, but I care that people would think that I would do something like that. Recently I was at, before I bought, I'm renting a house in Austin. I bought a house, another house in Austin that I am renting out. And before that I was staying at an Airbnb for a couple of weeks. And there, the guy that was renting me out the house, he lived in like a back house. Like there were two houses on this property. He lived in one of the houses and Aaron beat the other one out. So one day he asked me if he, I actually became good friends with him or not good friends, but I became friends with him. He then had a plant lady that was coming over to water plants. So he needed to get inside the house to water plants. This lady comes in, she's like, oh, she's like, she's somebody that watches my videos. She was all like, oh my God, I love your videos, blah, blah, blah. She goes, but this is like 6 months ago, by the way, not 6 months ago, maybe 4 months ago. She's like, I love your videos and everything, but it was really weird. Like she didn't say it was weird. She goes, you know, you DM'd me like 2 weeks ago. I'm like, what are you talking about? She goes, yeah, you DM'd me asking me if I wanted a psychic reading and I told you no, but you were very persistent. And I said, that wasn't me. Like it was this interesting thing where I feel like this need to explain myself And there was like, you know, it's like I meet people in public that I've never met anywhere else, but they think there's a lot of people out there that literally think I'm DMing them, trying to get them to do psychic readings. And it brings up this stuff inside of me where I'm really caring. It's like to the deepest root of really caring what other people think. And not only like there's, I guess there's like caring what other people think like, maybe people that watch my stuff that I've never met. And there's also a deeper level to that where it's like people that I knew growing up. I have a buddy of mine that trains me. He's a personal trainer and he comes to my house and we work out. And he told me, he's like, one of our good friends in a friend group was like, yeah, Aaron was reaching out to me recently trying to get me to do a psychic reading. And then Vince, my buddy Vince, he just starts laughing. He's like, that's not Aaron. That's like a, 'cause he's heard me vent about this before to him about these, people that are doing this stuff and like scamming followers thinking it's me and then, you know, stealing their money. So it's this interesting thing where I've had to really in many different levels look at why do I care so much about what other people think about me? When I think the lesson honestly for many of you that may have like been in DMs with these people, I think it's really developing your own level of spiritual discernment. Being able to discern inside of you whether something is BS or something is real, of looking at that discernment. And what that will help you do is that'll help you in your life in many ways not get sucked into things where it's kind of like a powerless position. But if you do a little bit of research, it's easy to see that this isn't really me. But I think people get in like a reactive mode, you know? So just first off, little announcement, big announcement, use spiritual discernment, realize that I only have one account, it's Aaron Doughty 44. I have one other account that's not a personal account, it's a brand account called the_shift_experience. It's like 40-something thousand followers on Instagram. That's one account. My other account has like 370,000 followers. If it's 2,000 followers, it's not me. If it's 500 followers, it's not me. If it's 800 followers, it's not me. If it's 5,000 followers, it's not me. And I would never DM anybody asking for money or for that. So anyways, got that outta the way. Now, when it comes to really caring what other people think and the abandonment wound, let's first off look at where that comes from. Why do we have that? Now, where this comes from is I think a lot of people that are people pleasers, they had an emotionally unavailable parent growing up or a parent growing up that was physically unavailable. It's some level of abandonment that we felt growing up. And this abandonment then in a way has us tuning to others to get our internal needs met. Let me say that again. Like we, as a kid, were sourcing our energy, our sense of validation. We were looking to our parents for something we did not get. And what we then did is we made a choice We made a decision that if I can be a certain way, maybe then I will gain the love or the approval of somebody else, of other. So instead of being taught growing up and learning how to draw source from within, from having a healthy level of self-esteem, we lack that and we then seek it in other people. So one of the first secrets I can give to you that this has been crucial for me in this process of letting go of what other people think is learning that first off, you must give yourself the validation you crave in other. It's learning to be more present in your body and learning to draw your sense of source from within. So this is something that, and this is probably one of the most powerful points. I'm gonna make this like something that has completely transformed my life is looking at my own values. Now values, I used to hear Tony Robbins talk about values and I used to think it was this heady thing. We all live by different virtues, different virtues, like virtue, like I remain in integrity with my word. That's like a virtue, integrity. There are virtues of, you know, like what values are we living by? If someone's very adventurous, that's a part of their identity. They're gonna always act in alignment with that value, with that virtue. If somebody always plays it safe and if somebody believes that they're a very shy person, it's like a part of their identity. They will then do everything they can subconsciously to remain consistent to that level of identity. Now what happens is we all have these values. There's like these 6 human needs that Tony Robbins talks a lot about. It's growth, contribution, it's certainty. So like safety of certainty, of like control, you know, certainty. Uncertainty is another human need. Human connection is another one. And then the 6th one is significance, significance of feeling significant in life, like you're special, getting attention from other people. Now, what I've realized is that in my life of really giving a shit what other people think of me, I've overvalued significance, feeling significant even on YouTube, like getting all this attention, getting all this like, you know, people looking at me and me presenting myself in a certain way. Has had people think about me in a way to where I then, if I can get that significance, then I feel worthy. Now, most of the ones that we crave out of these 6 are ones that we did not receive growing up. Like in a way, me craving significance and validation from other people maybe led to me making 2,000 YouTube videos so that other people could give me that sense of validation that I did not feel growing up. Because I didn't feel it when I was a kid. So in a way it was positive 'cause it helped me get a message out there, but I've had to eventually become aware of this thing that I craved growing up and I started to start giving it to myself because if I didn't, it's a never-ending game of searching for something outside of ourselves. So the key and one of the most, I mean, one of the most powerful things you could do is looking at your own values. What are you valuing? Because there's a certain order we put those values in. If it's growth, if it's contribution, if it's certainty or uncertainty, if it's significance, there's an order of that. And if we're valuing significance over everything else, we're gonna have problems. We're not gonna, it's gonna be hard to feel happy because a lot of significance is based on what other people think about us, is based on the external. But we could also give ourselves that validation on the inside. And really it's not so much about wiring in and being like, well, I am worthy, I am worthy, I am enough. It's more about letting go of the emotions that tie us to feeling like we're unworthy to begin with, becoming aware of them. I became aware that when I was a kid, I felt a level of shame. Shame means that I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. Many of you, if you've had parents that have divorced, As little kids, we think everything's about us. We're little narcissists. Literally, your parents divorce, you're like, they've divorced 'cause of me. Even though it may have had nothing to do with you, it's not your fault your parents divorced, but as a little kid, you thought it was. Well, if I could just be different, if I could get their approval in a certain way and then get them to like me, and then I could glue this family together and I could feel special and I'll feel that love, that connection that I crave. You see? So one of the things you can begin to do is to look at your own values. And what I did is I started valuing and I started giving myself my own sense of validation. And then I stopped needing it so much from the outside. And I say, how do you do that, Aaron? You let go of the shame. You let go of the belief that there's something broken with you. I had to realize growing up that my parents' stuff that they went through growing up when I was a kid, they went through their own emotional stuff. That was their shit, not mine. Had nothing to do with me. Mom or dad's unemotional unavailability growing up was not 'cause you're not worthy. It's not that if you were worthy, they would've given you more of themselves. It's that they had their own shit going on. That's their shit, not yours. And once I began to separate that, so much in my life began to change. 'Cause I had so much shame around that, even in dating and relationships and friendships, everything, shame, I'm broken. I would over, any of you overgive, like you over, any of you have to overexplain yourself to people that undervalue you? Like there's people that you may overvalue. You're like, I want the validation of this person or I like this person. So I'm kind of like a yes man or yes woman for this. But then you realize, wait, why am I overexplaining myself? Why am I overdoing it? One of the reasons you're doing it is because you're undervaluing yourself. So don't overvalue others or others' opinions and undervalue yourself. And the key to that is to switch that around, to start to, or at least balance it out, start to value yourself by being in your own body. So at least this moves me into the second secret, the second secret of letting go that has completely transformed my life. Is bring your energy back inside of your body. What happens is when we care what other people think, we are projecting our energy out at them and we are trying to then draw that sense of source back. And a lot of times this means that we have like a leaky container as a body. We are literally feeling like empaths. Many of you have heard my videos on empaths. I have a philosophy about this, but what happens is when we go through trauma as a kid, What happens is in the body, we start to, we stop inhabiting, like think about it like this, like we stop inhabiting the bottom 3 chakras and we start to embody more so the top chakras because we don't feel safe in our own body. So what'll happen is we start to project our energy up here, but this is the reason why we've stopped feeling validated and stopped filling up our own cup from the inside out. So what we then do is as a survival mechanism, what we do as kids, we're looking for the approval of our parents. We're looking for the validation of other. There's the self and there's other. What we do is we bring the energy up into our third eye, up into the, this like, they're different chakras. And we then tune to other people. Because it's a survival mechanism. If we can tune to other people and we can see how they're feeling and gauging our emotion based on how they feel and we can change ourselves, we can then get them to like us. So really this is a survival mechanism that empaths have had from childhood where they left the confinements of really being embodied and they started feeling other. So then they go out into a group, they go into a room, they can feel everyone else's energy because they're so damn sensitive. But the reason they're sensitive is because they can feel everybody else. And the reason that is, is because they are drawing their sense. It's like a survival mechanism to where I can relax and feel good if everyone else feels good. Well, guess what? You're really gonna care what people think then. So the key to this, and I have something called the frame technique. The frame technique, it's one of the most powerful techniques I've ever learned. I learned it from my shadow work integration coach and it's completely transformed my life. It's this thing you can do for magnetic energy as well. Try it. I know we're all spiritual and everything and it's all about, we're all connected. Let's feel the heart energy between us, but also let's feel the separation between us because this is what happens when you start doing this. Put the awareness right now in your hands, put the awareness now in your feet. In your legs, taking a deep breath and realize that now you're more present than you were just a couple minutes ago. You're bringing the awareness into your body and realize that you can then feel the separation between you and the table, you and your— if you're driving, you and your, your car, you can feel the separation. It's body awareness. You can feel the separation between even you and someone else you're around right now. The separation is what makes you magnetic because then you're feeling safe in your own body. I would do this where I would go and I would feel the separation between me and other people and I would feel like just safe in my own body. And it was amazing how many people it would draw towards me. People would be really nice to me. It's crazy how well this works. But in general, this is one of the most powerful things I've learned. Now also, if you want to learn about the frame technique, I have the 3 most powerful meditations that will transform your life if you start listening to them, are something you can download for free. If you go to aarondoughty.com/meditation, aarondoughty.com/meditation, there's 3 meditations you're gonna get. One of them's on feeling 100% worthy, whole, and complete. One of them is an inner child meditation that many, some of you have already listened to where we go to Hawaii energetically and we connect to our inner child and we heal. It's very powerful. I did a poll recently on my Instagram, said, what are the most powerful meditations that I've made that you've had? And the one that came up repetitively was the inner child meditation. But then the third one is the frame technique. So if you wanna learn all three of these for free, go to aarondoughty.com/meditation. Now, the key to this is putting the awareness in your body and feeling the separation between you and other, because as you feel safe on the inside, you will then not need to grab energy and you will not need to get energy from others out there. So the second secret is being inside your own body and drawing your sense of source from within. Now, the third secret to letting go is similar to the first one where you're looking at your values. You're looking at your values, right? So you realize that maybe prior, like as the nice guy version of Aaron, I used to really value what other people thought of me. I valued significance. And then I started to value instead, you have to bring in these new values and new virtues you live by. I live by the value of authenticity. I live by the value of vulnerability. Which means the thing that a lot of nice guys and people pleasers are afraid of is they're afraid of being vulnerable because if they're vulnerable, they're afraid they're gonna get rejected. It's the abandonment wound. So whereas like, let's say like a nice guy, right? A nice guy may like someone but be afraid to tell them that. So they'll just be really nice to them. And why are they afraid to tell them that? Because they don't wanna get rejected. Instead of them being vulnerable, this is my intention. I want to take you out. I want to do this. And the thing is, is that if you meet people with that level of not being vulnerable, you're only gonna attract surface-level type things. What you wanna do is, I now guide my life based on vulnerability and authenticity, which means sometimes I have harsh conversations with people now where I normally wouldn't do that. I have friends that I've had to reestablish a new sense of connection with where I'm like, listen, in the past I wouldn't say something about this, but now, This is what I actually think. It'd be inauthentic if I didn't do that. Now, the magic of this though is that when you are authentically being yourself, you are more polarizing. There will be more people that it maybe rustles their feathers a little bit, but guess what? You will also be more respected. I get more respect from people now because I'm being the real me. Than I did when I was being the inauthentic me that was looking for validation from other people. So this for me has been absolutely life-changing. The 3 secrets are become aware of your values and realize that if you are really caring what other people think, then what you're doing is you're valuing other over self. You're valuing significance over your own sense of validation and become aware of that and realize that what you can then do is then begin to release the shame, the level of I am broken that may have came from childhood and realize that as you become aware of that and let that go, you will then start to feel worthy. You will start to feel whole. Realize that your parents' shit growing up was their shit, not yours. If a girlfriend or a boyfriend ever broke up with you and you felt like you were unworthy because of it, understand this. The meaning you're given to that situation is you're internalizing it, thinking you're broken and it means something about you. It doesn't. That's their shit, not yours. It just didn't work out. It's a neutral meaning really. You don't have to internalize these things. You can give yourself that validation that you crave and you do that by letting go of the shame. You do that by letting go. Letting go is the key to letting in. And then realize that as you become more inside of your body, you will start to feel more present to the moment. You'll start to develop more magnetic energy and then start to live by new virtues. Vulnerability, authenticity is what I recommend. You'll find your life transformed in so many ways. And as you're vulnerable, you open up the space for other people to be vulnerable. And that allows you to then not care so much about what other people think. I had to let go of a part of myself that didn't want people thinking that I was a scammer or this fake person on Instagram or fake profiles on Instagram, I had to let go of the part of myself that was craving other people to think about me in a certain way. And as I did, I started to feel free. Like, what if I let go and not, I don't want people to go through this, but like at the same time, it's like there's discernment that people can learn from this experience as well, their own discernment. And there's something that we can let go of. And I'm also letting go of the victimhoodness that maybe I felt from this whole Instagram thing, you know? I'm letting go of all of this. And I'm realizing as I do, that stuff will probably get taken care of even more. Still gonna have, you know, my people look into that and like lawyers and stuff look into that because we do have their information, you know. However, at the same time, I don't need to get so caught up in it and so heady about it. If you wanna learn the 5 secrets to letting go that will make you attractive AF, that's this video right here. Highly recommend that you watch it 'cause it'll help you with what you learned in this video. The less attached you are, the more attractive you are. People are attracted to somebody that is in their own frame and doesn't