How to let go so deeply what you want chases you

The more you detach from outcome, the more that outcome you want will attach to you. Anything you're attached to, you create resistance around. And why is it when you finally let go of that thing, it finally comes into your life? When you finally let go of that person texting you back, you get the text. When you finally let go of caring whether this person likes you or not, They finally start to like you. It's so interesting how this works. Now, in this video, I'm going to show you the power of letting go, how to actually do it, and how you can let go of the individual patterns and roles that keep you trapped in childhood. Now realize you are already magnetic. You don't need to try to be magnetic. You already are. The key is what are you magnetic to? Because when it comes to letting go, when you let go of attachment, you naturally become the magnetic you you're meant to be. And And then you can begin to attract deep connections. You can begin to attract amazing opportunities. And it comes because of a shift in energy. And in this video, it's a masterclass on letting go, healing the patterns on the inside, and becoming free to be who you really are. I predict that if you were to let go, you would experience a breakthrough in your life. Whatever it is you want, Whatever attachment you have, whether it's to an outcome, a person, an opportunity, whatever it is, if you were to let go of how things happened and you were to give it up to something greater than you, you would have a breakthrough. So often we stay attached to things. Thinking that the attachment will make something happen, when actually the attachment equals resistance. Think about that for a moment. Anything we're attached to, we create resistance around. And what's interesting to me is that the most my YouTube channel has ever grown, the most, like, positive benefits I've ever had in my relationships, They've come when I was the least attached. Now think about it too. How often is it that you hear from people that maybe after a relationship, maybe they're having trouble getting over a relationship or something like that, and it's like the moment they let go, the moment they're good either way with how things happen, what ends up happening? Is that's when things start to align. That's when there's a letting go of resistance. So it comes not from attachment, it comes from an actual letting go. And think about it too, when we're attached to the outcome, there's pressure on believing also that the outcome is determining a certain sense of self-worth. It's like the outcome is reflective of whether we're worthy or not versus being immersed in the process and having fun. Does that make sense? So what questions do you have about letting go? Go put it in the chat. I'm thinking of some of the most— Yeah, it's so interesting. The more fun you have in the process— like, back in the day, even making videos, even not that long ago, a lot of it was like coming up with hooks and titles and all of these things. And like, there was an overemphasis on that leading to the outcome. But now there's much more of a focus on getting into a flow state and just having fun. And ironically enough, the more fun you have, the better the outcome. Like, if you're going on a date with someone and you're focused on outcome of like, what do they think about me? There's a belief that what they think about you determines your sense of self-worth. There's a projection that the meaning of them liking you means something about you. So there's an internalization there. So if you go on a date and your focus is on what they think about you, the power is outside of you. Now, many times this is subconsciously reminiscent of mother-father-child dynamics. The mother-father-child dynamic is that as a kid, mother-father-child dynamic is that mother-father represents authority. The thing is, is if mom and dad aren't able to meet your needs as a kid, you internalize it. You think it means something about you. You think it means if they don't choose you, there's something wrong with you. That's not the case. But as kids, we've already internalized that initial belief. Can you see the difference there? I was coaching someone yesterday and she was talking about how she gets triggered when she's coaching someone or talking with someone and they speak really loud. She then says, you talk to me like that again, I'm going to have to cut you off as a client. Like she didn't say it exactly like that, but She would like have to set a boundary when people were getting animated and talking loud. And the thing that I asked her a question with to help her get to her own understanding was, do you think that someone talking loud, it's internalized to you? Because if you internalize it, it will feel offensive. Think about that for a moment. Things only hurt when you internalize it and think it means something about you. If someone else is speaking loud, there may be a trigger there because maybe as a kid, mom or dad speaking loud meant you were in trouble. So once again, the dynamics get projected onto other areas of your life. Are you guys seeing? So the triggers we have are all happening inside of us. And we tend to project the biggest triggers inside of us onto other people, both the negative and the positive. The things you really like in people are aspects of yourself and qualities you wish you had more of, but you already have them inside of you. And the things that trigger you the most about people are unresolved energies and rules That brings stuff up in you as well. You think it's not in you. It is. It just might be unexpressed. Do you see the difference there? Yeah, we're always, we're always projecting in some way, like something we're either consciously aware of or we're not. But yeah. So, so let's go back to that date example, letting go of attachment to outcome on a date. If you go on a date and you're like, I hope you like me, please like me, you've then thrown your energy out of you and you said, hey, it's like you, you've got that little report, that little card as a kid. You're like, do you like me? Yes or no? And you pass it to the girl you like or the guy you like. You say, do you like me? And then you give them the pen. And you just kind of look at them. And of course, that is a repelling energy as well. But you see, they can't actually resolve that energy. That's only an energy that you can resolve inside of yourself because it's like you have an inner child inside of you that's looking to you for that love and approval. And if you don't give it to them, they will look outside. So it's almost like, if you think about it, If you think about it, it's like you have the inner child is like looking to you to want to be validated, seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured. And if we don't listen to it, it will look outwards and it will go towards your partner. It will go towards your parents. It will go towards your friends or your job. Looking to have those needs met. Do you see? It just wants it from us. So going back to that analogy of on the date, the attachment to outcome, the people that have the most magnetic energy are the people that don't have an agenda and aren't trying to control. So if you're around someone else and they have an agenda for you, that will actually repel you from naturally wanting to do what they want you to do because we want autonomy. We want to choose something because we choose it, not because we have to. And you could think about it like when you're thinking of someone else, think of it like there's a projection of energy. Especially when you want them to do something. So this energy is being projected out and there's wanting someone, something from someone else. That repels. And the reason that repels is because attachment equals resistance. Do you guys see? Attachment equals resistance. So bringing the energy back to you. This is why the whole date analogy. If you go on a date and you're more curious, right? Do we have things in common? What am I passionate about? Feeling like having fun is a present moment energy that feels good in your body. Attachment to outcome is the moment you start performing. So when you think about it from a kid, because think about it, as a kid, at one point you were just playing in the sandbox. You were just building your sandbox, having fun. And at a certain moment, something may have shifted. This is a metaphor, or it could have been literal. And it was like, who do I need to be in order to make mom and dad happy? Because mom and dad, the ultimate source of authority, literally like primordial gods to a little tiny being compared to the beasts of parents. So anything that happens, we internalize and think, and think that it means something about us. So we internalize everything. But that role, what was that role that you took on in childhood? Because that role, think about it. Here we go. Think about it. Different patterns have different attachments to different things. All right? So if you think about it like overgiving, people pleasing, hyper-independence, all 3 of these different patterns will be attached to different things. The people pleaser is attached to being good. The people pleaser is attached to your tension because your tension feels like their tension. Because as a kid, to survive, the energy field was expanded to include the family dynamic. And then the role was, my role is to ease the family. If I ease the family, I get to feel good and also safe. That's a big burden though, ain't it? So the people pleaser may then be attached to what you think. The people pleaser may be attached to, um, whether you like them or not. It's attached to your attention. It's attached to not wanting to be bad and evil. Do you guys see? And then when you think of that, of the overgiver, for example, what is the overgiver attached to? It's kind of a similar pattern. How about the— let's talk about perfectionism. What is the perfectionism attached to? The perfectionist. The perfectionist is attached to things being good enough or perfect. The people pleaser is very attached to not disappointing, not being judged. You see, so there's different attachments for different patterns. But remember, the attachments are also connected to what you think of as important. And normally what important is, is the thing that you didn't receive as a kid, or it's the emotion you're avoiding as a kid. So perfectionism, they don't want to feel guilty. Guilty. Judged and criticized. Actually, a lot of these patterns are kind of similar, just in different flavors. Can you see that? So attachments, detachments are different depending on the pattern. Look at hyper-independence. Hyper-independence people. I am what I do. I need to do more to be successful. I cannot play. They're attached to being the strong one, to doing it all themselves. They have an aversion, an aversion to receiving or connecting or vulnerability, and they have an attachment to doing it all themselves and creating outer success from a certain level of the— almost like the burden of the ego. Can you guys see what I'm, I'm, I'm talking about here? Yeah. So like Each pattern has in it a different level of attachment based on the unmet needs in childhood. The only reason people hyperfocus on wanting validation and approval from other people is because as a kid, they may not have been validated or approved of. Anytime you see Tony Robbins, Talking and coaching people, what does he always say? He'll always ask the question at a certain point, whose love did you crave more as a kid, your mother or your father's? And then someone will be like, Tony, uh, my mom's. And then he'll say, who did you have to be to receive her love? And you're like, I had to be perfect. I had to work. I had to be this. I had to be that. I had to stay out of her way, whatever. Right. That role becomes the subconscious identity that keeps you trapped. Do you see? That role keeps you trapped. Whose love did you crave more as a kid, and who did you have to be to receive that love? That is your prison. Boop! Haha! Not so funny, but kind of funny. Oh, there you go. And you're like, I need to be good. I need to be perfect. I need to work really hard. I need to be successful. I need to not need anyone else. There's your little prison. Boop, boop, boop, boop. It's so cute. And then the weird thing is that in this little prison of who you had to be as a kid, it feels familiar to childhood. So you get payoffs from being in it. So if you had a dad that was very controlling, you might attract people in your life from the unresolved energy of dad that allow you to stay in that role of feeling small, being afraid to express yourself. You might stay in that little box, but you do get payoffs from it. Some of the payoffs might be you get to be right about reality, which may mean you get to be right about your childhood in a way. See, everyone's always like this. For me, for a long time, because as a kid, for me, things felt not fair, there I was years later in a 9-to-5 job feeling like things aren't fair. Corporate politics. The managers got away with everything. Unjust energy with authority, because as a kid, it felt like unjust energy with authority. And then I felt trapped. So, for 8 years, I sold women's shoes, felt trapped. Didn't enjoy it, but it was like what I knew. And then eventually, I had to wake up from my little prison that was created from the role of who I believed I had to be. To receive mom and dad's love, which was now being projected into a 9-to-5 job with like corporate politics where they got away with everything. Literally, we had, um, a year before I left that 9-to-5 job and went full-time on YouTube, we tried getting a union to come in because the managers got away with so much stuff. Felt unjust. And eventually though, eventually from getting talked down to from managers in a situation room, of being forced to watch a 5-minute video of me on my phone with 3 other, with 2 other adults, no, 3 other adults. It was so demeaning after a while. Imagine watching a 5-minute silent video of you on your phone in a situ— it's called the situation room. What kind of managers call a room a situation room? So then it was talked down to a level to where I said, I am going to figure this out and I am going to be my own boss one day soon. That was where I made a choice to get out of the prison. I made a choice to take action. I had to become someone different. I could no longer be the good boy just being told what to do. I had to become my own boss. I had to break out of the pattern. I had to take self-initiative. And here's the crazy thing. A lot of times we think it's going to be very hard. When you get into the flow of things and you are enjoying it, it's not hard. Do you think it's hard for me to make this video right now? I go live almost every day on Instagram. I kind of know what I'm going to talk about, and then I just focus on having fun. It's not hard. It just, it flows once you prime yourself to just getting into the state. Back in 2017, I was thinking, feeling, and acting equal to a 9-to-5 job, very much in the people pleaser patterns and being told what to do even though I didn't like it. And eventually I made a choice. I'm going to make a video every single day and I'm going to be a YouTuber. I changed who I was being. So think about that with any pattern you have. Who are you being? That's not you. The pattern's not you. The people pleaser, hyper-independence, over-giver, perfectionist. I got news for you, boo-boo. Those are not you, you. That's not you. It's a pattern. It's a survival strategy from childhood that you took on as a kid. And when Tony Robbins says, whose love did you crave more as a kid, your mother or your father's? And then who'd you have to be? That's the little prison. Boo. That's the role. You're being the good boy, the good girl. You're being invisible. You're being the perfectionist. You're being hyper-independent. That's not really you. And the reason you feel drained in your life is because you think that's you. And then that That energy dynamic attracts to you people that are reflective of that unresolved role from childhood. Do you see? Why do I attract the same type of people over and over again? The faces change, but the energy remains the same. Why? Unresolved energy and role. Overgivers attract overtakers. People pleasers attract people that are hard to please. Hyper-independent people attract people that feel like they need them. These are patterns. You, not your pattern. You be you. You authentic. You magnetic. Now realize that for each of these patterns, each of these patterns, you are already magnetic. Like when you talk about magnetic energy, here's the thing. You don't have to try to be magnetic. You already are. Just what are you magnetic to? People pleasers will be very magnetic to people that are hard to please. Perfectionists will also be very magnetic to people that are hard to please and people they feel like they need to perform for. Overgivers will be Very strong magnets to overtakers. You are already magnetic. The question is not how do you become magnetic; it's like what are you magnetic to? Now, you guys want to know one of the keys and the biggest tricks to becoming magnetic? You guys ready for it? This is one of the things that will transform your magnetic energy more than anything else. It's embracing. Your polarity. Can you imagine a magnet? If you know you have a magnet and you put it, it's going to clasp to something, right? If you were to switch that magnet around, it then repels. Can you imagine a magnet that's ashamed of its ability to repel? It's silly, right? Imagine the magnet being like, no, I don't want to repel people. The stronger it repels is the stronger it attracts. So the thing is, is many people are neutral with their energy because of their childhood pattern. Like, people pleasers are very, very good at killing tension and killing polarity. Nice guys are very good at killing polarity, which means killing tension. And what that means is when you do that, you let go of all polarity. You let go of all tension. Tension is a necessary part of magnetic energy. And a lot of people, a lot of times people will ask like, how do I attract more masculine men? Or men will say, how do I attract more feminine women? Or whatever your dynamic is. But it's like, If you're not owning your dark side, if you're not owning the part of your— the part of yourself you're afraid to become is the way out of that little, that little, uh, prison. So for example, someone who didn't have masculine containment growing up, especially a woman, you might create a lot of outer success to stay safe because you can't trust men. So you have taken on the energy and the burden of creating a lot of safety in your life through working really hard. What ends up happening is that burden for you ends up becoming a lot, and there can be, there can be a lot of resentment there, which is why forgiveness is so powerful. Different levels of healing and shadow work. But one thing that you wanna become aware of is the opposite thing you will ever wanna do when, like a hyper-independent person in general, the last thing you wanna do is to play and have fun. You don't wanna do it. Seems not productive, right? That many times is the key to actually beginning to release that energy under the surface. Yeah. Beginning to heal. This is why the mother-father-child dynamic is so important to look at, because your relationship to men, your relationship to women, is reflective in your relationship between 0 to 6 years old. Which is why, by the way, when you shift that energy, everything in your life shifts. And also, very soon, on Wednesday, I'm gonna be doing a 3-day Magnetic You Challenge to show you how to embrace your magnetic energy, how to use the power of letting go, how to heal and embrace your polarity or dark side. And that's completely free if you comment shift or you check the link in my bio. All right, so we'll be doing breathwork, we'll be doing guided meditations and embodiment exercises to shift that energy from the inside out to become the most magnetic you. Okay. So when it comes to being magnetic, embracing your dark side means embracing the part of you you are afraid to become. When you think of people pleasers or overgivers, they're afraid to have their own needs. They're afraid of tension. They feel responsible for everyone else's tension. Therefore, they're constantly killing tension, and killing tension is killing polarity. And think about it. The belief is that I need to be good. I need to ease tension because easing tension creates people that'll never leave. If you see— some of you have had this experience, right? Meeting a nice guy, right? Someone who's really nice. Oh, I just agree with everything. What do you like? You're like, well, what are you about? I don't know. What are you about? Right? Oh, this person's nice. How do you talk about people who are nice? You say, oh, they're nice. They're nice. Look at that inflection. That person's nice. You never say, oh my gosh, that person, freaking incredible. I just love that person. They're so attractive. Or I feel so connected to them. You never feel really connected to someone who's being nice as a pattern. You feel connected to someone being kind. What's the difference between kind and nice? It's the difference between authenticity and a pattern, authenticity and manipulation. Someone who's nice is easing tension and wants validation and approval, wants to be told what to do. The approval and frame is outside of them. Someone who's being kind is not attached to whether you like it or not, or whether you reciprocate or not. They might be aware if there's an imbalance in energy, but they're not like, I gave you this, you need to give me this. Can you guys see the difference there? Yeah, they are pushovers. Exactly. Yeah. So that's, that's the difference. So realize you are already magnetic to something. You just might be— you're magnetic based on the pattern you have. There's a different level of magnetism that comes, but the people you magnetize from your pattern of people pleasing, overgiving, hyper-independence, being invisible, perfectionism The people you attract are a reflection of unresolved energy. When you begin to resolve that energy through inner child healing and the mother-father-child dynamic forgiveness, you will begin to shift your life in a powerful way. So a lot of this work and a lot of this energy is about becoming aware that you are not your patterns. You have patterns, but they're not who you are. And you want to embrace being bad. That little mother-father-child dynamic of who'd you have to be as a kid to receive mom and dad's love? Whose love did you crave more, your mother's or father's? That's the role you became trapped in. And that role, it's going to feel bad. You need to feel, you need to feel a little naughty stepping outside of that role. Letting other people sit with tension. Letting things be sloppy if you're a perfectionist. Letting yourself play if you're hyper-independent. Letting yourself have more fun if you're hyper-independent. Embrace being bad. If you would embrace being bad, you would break out of your shell and you would begin to become more free. Okay? Okay? Are you guys seeing this? I don't know where this Italian accent came from, but it's there. Okay? Yeah. Shout out to Tony. Maybe that's why, huh? He's not Italian, but— So, nice guys just look at me or say something awkward. Things are awkward because there's attachment to outcome. And also, things aren't awkward if you own it. If you own being awkward— there's a squirrel. Squirrels are kind of awkward, aren't they? So, do you guys have fun on today's live? I gotta go. I got a therapy session here in a minute. What's going on? I'm doing a three-day challenge starting on Wednesday in comment shift. If you want to be part of that, it's free. I have a live event in Sedona that's happening October 28th through the 30th. There are still tickets available for that. It's all about embodiment exercises that shift your identity. A lot of this stuff that we're talking about here, we're going to be doing there, including full-on breathwork, releasing the energy underneath the body and stored underneath, and then embodying a new you. That's in Sedona, Arizona. Link is in bio for that. That's it for now. Um, is there anything else happening? I think that's it for now. Anyways, hope you guys have a great day. I'll talk to you guys later. As always, peace, much love, and namaste. See ya. See ya.