3 Ways To SET BOUNDARIES With The Universe (Why It's Important)

When people don't set boundaries with the universe, they end up getting a lot of what they don't want, and they find it very challenging to get more of what they do want. So if you want to learn how to get more of what you want and less of what you don't want, this video is for you. I'm gonna show you the magic of setting boundaries with the universe, why it's so important, and 3 easy steps to doing so that will absolutely transform your life. So first off, with setting boundaries, understand that having boundaries displays and shows value. So think about it, somebody that doesn't feel valuable, someone that doesn't feel worthy, normally has a lot of trouble setting boundaries. This is someone that may turn into a people pleaser where they're trying to please everyone around them, This is somebody that has trouble saying no. And this is somebody that normally will let people walk all over them. A lot of times this is somebody that also feels like they always have to overexplain themselves. And it's almost like in a way the energy field is kind of leaky. Think about it. Like, think of like the skin on your body is the boundary between you and the external world. When people have trouble setting boundaries, it's like they're getting pulled in many different directions. They're tuning themselves to other people. And it's almost like you feel like you're a leaf in the wind. And with the universe, it's a similar type thing. If we don't set boundaries within ourself, the universe is going to mirror back and send us a whole bunch of situations that may not really resonate with us and also situations that kind of prove to us that we don't have our own power. So back just a couple years, even like 2 years ago, and still to this day, there's different levels of boundaries that I'm learning. but one person that is amazing at setting boundaries in my life is actually my assistant. She's also my friend. Her name's Ayla. She's amazing. She's been with me for like a year, and I have learned one thing she is just amazing at is setting boundaries with people without feeling guilty. For example, here's something funny that happened. So I just moved into this new house, okay? Now when it comes to boundaries and the first thing that I say with this, and the first thing before I get too much into it, just so it's 2 minutes in and I haven't revealed the first one, so what is it? But it's learning to speak your truth. It's learning to speak your truth. And when you are able to speak your truth, it completely changes the energy and it's also more authentic. Now let me give you the example of this. Right in this spot, actually, this happened. So this is the new house that I just moved into. It's beautiful, I love it. And my assistant flew in and helped move the whole entire house with the whole moving crew of like 8 people. She was managing them, showing things where to go, stuff like that. Now there was this one guy on the crew who, when I came to this house, when I came here, I was here to help Ayla show where things go. I'm like, oh, the bookcases go over there, the couches go here, stuff like that. Some of it she figured out, but most of it actually. But anyways, what happened was there was this one guy on the crew that just kept talking to us. They're all moving stuff and there was this one guy who just kept talking, kept asking, like kept asking us questions, not where stuff goes, but he kept talking about tequila and all this other stuff. And I should throw a house party once I move in and he should be invited and like all of this stuff. And we're just crazy, like focused on getting stuff and having people move in, move this over there, move this over there. And he like kept talking to us. And I was like, damn, this guy just has not stopped talking. He just needs to keep working or something like that because he's throwing us off. He's throwing Ayla and I off. And she's talking to the guy that owns the company that was here too, nice guy. And basically what she says is normally like sometimes with me, like to just say like, dude, you need to stop talking and just work. 'Cause I didn't wanna be the bad guy, I guess. The Eric, the guy that owns the company was like, said something to her. She's like, and he needs to stop socializing over there. She just like bluntly said it. She's like, he needs to stop socializing over there because he's throwing us off. Throwing us off and we have to like get all this stuff done. And that was her way of setting the boundary. And after that, it was all good. The alternative to that would've been, we say, oh, like we just kind of put it to the side. He keeps trying to talk to us 'cause every like 2, 3 minutes he'd ask us questions and try talking to us. And it was like hard to like focus on stuff and be like, what are you saying? Tequila, house party, you know? But even though it was somewhat uncomfortable, it also displayed like, hey, we're here to do stuff. This is not acceptable to do that, to like just keep talking and keep like taking us off track. And it was very interesting because I could feel in my body a little bit of tension. I was like, ooh, I hope he's not like, hope his feelings aren't hurt, you know? She has another funny story about this too where like she's so good at setting boundaries. One thing, you guys know how people use sage to like go through a house and like clear negative energy? I have a friend, my friend Patty, she diets different plants and diets a plant means you eat like a very like low stimulating diet, not a lot of salt. And then what you do is you like take tea of like a certain plant that you're connecting with. And she's done that with sage and each of these, she's done it with rose, with sage, all these other plants and stuff. And one thing she said about sage is sage helps you learn boundaries. So something I recommend you guys do maybe is get some sage, but it's funny 'cause each of these plants have like a different energy. So when she was dieting rose, It's like loving and very connective and feminine. And then sage is more like to the point. You need to say no, you need to draw boundaries. But the reason I say that is because sometimes when I think of my assistant Ayla, she's like a very good embodiment of the energy of sage because she's able to set boundaries so easily with people. Another story, she was at the Whole Foods months ago, a long time ago, and she was like shopping at Whole Foods some random guy just came up to her and started asking her about like, hey, I'm thinking of buying this. Like she was like sitting, getting like juice at the Whole Foods or something like that. And some guy comes up to her and goes, so I'm thinking of getting this Apple notebook and like, or iPad. I don't know which one to get, blah, blah, blah. And just starts talking to her. And she literally was like, why don't you just go to the Apple store? Like go to the Apple store to find out. Why are you asking me? And she literally said that, like, "Why are you asking me?" And some people might look at that and be like, "Oh, that seems mean," or something like that. But like, I'd be thinking the same thing. Like, "Bro, why are you asking me about an Apple? Like, I don't know, I'm not an Apple worker," or something, you know what I mean? Like, somebody like kind of in a certain way invaded her space and she drew the boundary, you know? So speaking your truth is a way of getting it so that those things don't continue to happen. It's almost like if you have, a low sense of boundaries, the universe will keep giving you experiences and things that show you that you don't have boundaries. This is also something that I've learned from me doing my own live events and stuff like that in retreats is back in the day, I had trouble setting boundaries. So I'd go in and sometimes I feel like I'd be pulled in like 100 different directions. But what's funny is the more I worked on my own sets of boundaries, the more in my body I felt, the less like, I'd feel like weird things would happen. I've had things happen where I do plant medicine like 4 years ago, and in the middle of ceremony, somebody that knew me for my videos came over and like got on top of me. It was a very interesting experience, but that was a reflection of my own lack of boundaries. And now that I have a different energy, I don't even have to worry about that. It's very interesting. So that's the first one. I wanted to share some stories with that too. Now, speaking your truth and being vulnerable will get you so far. So that's the first one is speaking what's actually true for you, even if there's a little bit of tension. But what that's displaying to the universe is like you are authentically expressing yourself. The second thing is learning to say no, learning to say no. When you say no to something, you say yes to something else. I've shared this little story many times, but there was a time when I was really busy getting ready to go to Costa Rica in November of 2000, 2 years ago, and when I was getting ready to do that, I had a friend's birthday party and I couldn't say no, even though I love this person, she's still one of my best friends. It was so hard for me to say no that I ended up canceling photo shoots and all this other stuff so that I could drive 10 hours away to a place that had no airport close by. It was just extremely, I was extremely like sacrificing my own life, my own self, just so I could do this because I literally couldn't say no. And it ended up being fun and everything, and I don't regret it, but at the same time, I look back and I can see that I just had no sense of boundaries. It was so hard for me to even say no to friends that wanted to hang out or wanted me to come do things. And eventually, as I said no, I felt so empowered. And then less people, after I said no, it's like I just didn't feel, I knew that if somebody was mad that I wasn't gonna come do something or something like that, like sacrifice myself, that was their stuff to deal with, not mine. and with the universe, it's the same thing. If we keep saying yes to the abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, if we keep saying yes to the emotionally unavailable person, if we keep saying yes to like a job that we hate, if we keep saying yes to a boss talking down to us, then we will keep that in our lives. I remember I had this guy I worked with at Nordstrom's, and the manager at Nordstrom's back in the day before she got fired was extreme narcissist, just like my, my ex-stepmom. She would talk down to people, even make people cry with how she would talk to people. And she just got away with it 'cause she was protected by upper management. There was this one guy I worked with, I think his name was Roland, and we were working and then she took him in the back, talked to him the way she talks to us. He literally said, "You don't talk to me like that," called her the B-word and walked out and quit the job. And when I look back at that, I could see that he just had a standard that says, people do not talk to me like this and I won't take it even if it is a job. There's a certain level of boundaries. I bet you from him doing that, he doesn't have as many narcissists or people trying to take advantage of his energy 'cause he says no to it. Isn't that interesting? But that's literally how the universe works. The universe gives us more and more of what we say yes to and less and less of what we say no to. But we have to stay in our own frame for this. That's another part of this is frame. Are you in your own frame? Are you leading in your own life? Because people that have weak boundaries tend to not have as much frame. They're letting, they're like looking for frame from other people. They're looking for other people to tell them what to do or how to be and tuning to others. And the power of this is when we let go of that and we start being in our own frame. And that's why one of the most powerful ways you can set boundaries, and it's probably one of the most important transformational things I've ever shared that I do in my videos. It's learning how to set values because values make up our identity and we get in life a direct reflection of who we believe we are. So the way we're showing up in the world, if we value other people's validation, if we value what other people think, if we value other people's frame telling us what to do, then we will do anything we can subconsciously to remain consistent to that. However, when it comes to this understanding of frame, understand that most people's values have been given to them from childhood. Most people have not got clear on what their values are for their new identity. And once you become clear of what your values are, you can start living according to that. Then you're able to set boundaries with things that are outside of those values. So as I've started to value vulnerability, which is like the first one I shared, right? Vulnerability, being able to express yourself and authenticity, I value that over caring what people think of me. Because of that, my boundaries are, and the boundaries for the universe are, that it's more important for me to be vulnerable, it's more important for me to be authentic than it is for me to get someone to like me. Because I've reorganized those values, it changes everything in my own energy. It changes the way I show up in the world. This is something Tony Robbins teaches a lot too, by the way. I always used to think when I saw him teaching this, that it was like not that important, but now I know it is everything, 'cause your values make up your identity. Your values make up how you show up in the world. And most people, what's important is to become aware of your values. Some people value connection. So there's like 6 human needs mainly. There's certainty, uncertainty, connection, there's contribution, there's growth, and there's significance, feeling special. These are all 6 human needs. And what happens is people have these in a very conflicting order. Imagine significance is at the top. You wanna feel special, you want people to notice you. You're gonna act very differently if that's your number 1 value than if your number 1 value is connection. And feeling connection to other people, or it's growth, or it's contribution and contributing to the community or your family or whatever. So the reason I share this with you is once I reorganized my values, it became so much easier for me to set boundaries. And then I also had the ability to see that if people cross the line and start to like, if certain things in my life start to compromise those values, that's the boundary. So become clear as to what is okay to you and what is not okay for you. Is it okay for someone to take your energy or emotionally manipulate you? Because some people think that's okay because in childhood it was okay for their parents to do it. But when you become aware of what's happening, awareness is always the first step, what then happens is you begin to take your power back. But since I've been in my own frame, since I've been in my own body as well and feeling the separation between me and the outer world and not tuning to everybody else, Since I've been changing that energy and like been present, it changes absolutely everything. Since I've been saying no, since I've been vulnerable, and since I've been living according to these new values, it has changed absolutely everything. Now, there is a PDF that is absolutely free that will show you step by step how to go through a process of transformation of awareness, letting go, and letting in. And this entails as well as how to embody this type of energy. It's a free PDF you can download below. So click the link below. To check that out or go to aarondoughty.com/pdf. And then also there is a video right here that shows you what is called the frame technique. One of the most powerful techniques I've ever learned. This will change your life if you watch it and you begin to apply it for the next 21 days. People that are highly sensitive or empathic, what happens is when they were kids, when they were younger, they went through some type of trauma where they had to tune themselves