5 Reasons You Can't Attract Love (5 Ways to REMOVE the Blocks and allow love IN)
In this solo video Aaron Doughty explains that the belief that we cannot attract love is actually a set of subconscious blocks rooted in our energy dynamics, childhood conditioning, and self‑perception. He outlines five primary reasons people fail to attract love: (1) putting love or potential partners on a pedestal, which creates a vibrational mismatch; (2) low self‑worth and a sense of undeservability, often reinforced by early experiences of control and scarcity; (3) unhealthy attachment styles (anxious or avoidant) that drive a push‑pull dynamic; (4) shame and a belief that one is broken, which stems from emotional neglect or parental unavailability; and (5) emotional unavailability and abandonment issues that lead to people‑pleasing and self‑abandonment. He also touches on how masculine/feminine polarity and body‑based shadow work influence these patterns. Throughout, Aaron shares personal anecdotes from his own childhood (step‑mom control, poverty, family instability) to illustrate each block, and he offers concrete remedies: recognizing and releasing limiting stories, setting boundaries, re‑parenting oneself, doing body‑work and shadow integration, and joining his 21‑Day Magnetic Love Challenge for guided practice. The video ends with a call to action to like, comment, and enroll in the challenge.
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If you treat someone like a celebrity, then they will treat you like a fan. Think about that. When we talk about energy dynamics and we talk about why we are blocking love from coming into our life, it comes down to the energy that we are embodying. And if we are putting someone else on a pedestal, we are making them very important and they are treating us based on how we are treating them. They're playing into that energy dynamic. So in this video, I want to share with you the 5 reasons you can't attract love, or at least you believe you can't. And I'm going to share with you the 5 things you can do to reverse the cycle so that love comes into your life easier than ever. I believe that when you look back in 5 or 6 months from now, you will see that this is the video that changed everything for you. And I'm going to share with you exactly what to do in this video. Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their consciousness. Now on this video, I'm going to be sharing with you the 5 reasons you believe you can't attract love. Now notice I said believe because the main part of this video is understanding that our beliefs create our reality. Whatever we believe to be true about ourselves, is the energy we are putting out and people are responding to us based on that energy. So if we keep telling ourselves a story— now notice a story is another word for belief— and we say, I can't attract love, I'm not worthy of love, or we just believe that maybe if we were in a relationship that then we would feel a lack of freedom. You see, these beliefs will keep us from repelling and blocking love depending on what those stories are. So becoming aware of these stories is key. On my own journey of going through this process, I've become aware of so many limiting beliefs I had about myself and also so many energy dynamics that was having me literally block love, like putting people on a pedestal. Which is the first thing and the first reason you can't attract love is because you may be putting love on a pedestal. You might be watching all that, listening to the meditations, watching all the videos about it, but those videos and those things may be making this subject of your life very, very important. And because it's very important, it's on this pedestal and it blocks you from it. Have you ever felt that the more you wanted something, the more you blocked it from actually coming into your life? I know anytime I've really wanted something, what happens is if I really, really want it, I'm vibrationally putting out that I really, really lack it because you cannot want what you already have. And you wanna think about this in terms of vibrational resonance. Imagine that it is natural for you to be experiencing whatever you want. It is natural for you to be in a loving relationship. Or dating successfully. It is natural. It's not on this pedestal. It's not really, really amazing if it happens. It is simply natural. So when I stopped taking people off of a pedestal, that's really when a lot of things began to change. You wanna know what this is too? This is directly related to a sense of self-worth. If we don't feel worthy or we don't feel like enough, then we'll put other people on a pedestal because also what we're doing is we're making them the source of happiness. We've watched too many damn Disney movies. Disney movies were like, oh, well, once this person comes and saves me, then I will be whole and complete. Then I'll be enough because we've been taught that we're not whole and complete by ourselves. So the degree to which I've been able to lift myself up and to have a sense of self-worth and self-confidence is the degree to which I also am able to realize my own sense of self-worth. So my question to you is, what is your story or what is your energy dynamic around importance? This idea of importance, are you making other people important or are you realizing your own sense of self-worth? Because when I started realizing my own sense of self-worth, another thing that happened is I started developing boundaries. I started like, you know, I'd have like maybe someone I was dating that would say they were gonna show up and then they wouldn't show up on time or they wouldn't respect my own time. And then becoming aware of that, I'm like, no, this is not okay. I'm not gonna do this anymore. That was a way of me establishing my own sense of self-worth and not letting someone else take advantage or kind of like blow off us being around each other. And when I started to do that, I was saying no to something, I was then saying yes to something else. I was saying no to people wasting my time and I was saying yes to myself my own sense of self-worth. So a lot of this and a lot of the reasons we can't attract love is because of our sense of deservability, deservability. Now, when you look at deservability, we get in life a reflection of what we believe we deserve. And here's the thing, for a long time, I felt like I deserved a woman that was trying to control me. That was very jealous, that was very controlling and negative. Why? Because when I was a kid, between— many of you know the story— between 7 and 15 years old, I had the ex-stepmom in my life. My dad divorced her when I was 15, but in that period of time, what happened is I was always around a woman that was controlling my brother and I, every aspect of our life. Even after, we weren't— I mean, we weren't allowed to— we had to earn going to school. We had to earn going to school activities, like even band camp, which is a requirement when we were in it. We most of the time were locked outside, had to like sneak food to get enough to eat. And we didn't even have beds, you know, growing up we slept on these little '90s couches that were foldable. You guys remember those little box foldable things and they unfold into like a little, like not even a twin size bed. That was my childhood from 7 to 15 years old. All of a sudden I'm 15, I'm allowed to have all this freedom. I started dating at like 16 or 17, and guess what? I kept attracting women that were trying to control me. Why? Because I believed, one, that's what I deserve. I don't deserve someone that really loves me or really nurtures me or really appreciates me. I deserve somebody that's massively controlling, and that felt comfortable. As much as I'd like to say, oh, that was a bad situation, it felt comfortable. I'm watching a show right now called Game of Thrones and you guys watch the show. I'm a little bit behind on it. I know it came out forever ago, but in Game of Thrones there's an interesting thing that happens where there's people that were slaves that were controlled and meant to do certain things and then what happens is they become free, but some of them want to actually go back to their masters. They want to go back and to be controlled because it feels safe. Even this one guy that ends up like being captured and completely tortured, Theon is his name, I believe. He goes through a lot of pain in the show, but what happens is in the show, he then has an opportunity where his sister comes to save him. He's sleeping in a little dog crate next to a whole bunch of barking dogs and his sister comes to save him out of this horrible torturous situation and he's so much in fear that he bites his sister like a dog. And then he does not want to be saved and he continues to be under this guy named Ramsay who's a crazy narcissistic lunatic and he stays there. Why? Because it becomes comfortable. It's familiar because he's been in this traumatic experience for so long, having limbs of his body cut off. Crazy. Not saying Game of Thrones is the highest vibrational show, but damn, is it addicting. If you feel me, like this video or comment below if you've watch Game of Thrones or, you know, you feel, you know what I mean? But anyways, there's something we can learn about that. We are addicted to what's familiar. And this is a crazy thing. When I was 15 years old and my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, there was a moment when I went to, we, it was like the week that my dad finally said enough is enough. We went to go live at our grandparents' house. So it was my dad, my brother, and we were living at our grandparents' house and a very small house, like an 800 square foot house. Cramped, but we had freedom. We go back to get our clothes from the house that we, you know, we were at for years, and my ex-stepmom and her mom, my ex-grandma I guess, were throwing our clothes in the dirt and yelling at us, and it was very dramatic. You want to know something crazy? The freedom in that moment— there was a level of freedom that felt scary to me. Like, even though at that house that I was at, I was getting flashbacks of being there, my brother and I had to sneak watching TV. We had to have one person on the lookout while we were watching TV while no one was home. We'd have one person on the lookout and they'd be by the window and they'd have the remote with the finger on the last channel because whatever channel we're watching, we had to press last channel and then turn it off because if they saw it was on a different channel, they would know. And then we would run outside and continue to be working. So what we do is we'd get a lot of our work done. We then go watch TV. You know, we'd be normally locked outside, but we find ways in the house and then we'd run outside and do work so they would never know. Even though that that was the situation that felt certain, that felt comfortable, that felt familiar. At least I knew that this was the rules. Now there are no rules. There's anxiety with that. There was this feeling of anxiety like I could get in trouble for just about anything, and that's why I kept attracting women in my life that were similar to my ex-stepmom. Or controlling or jealous. It's crazy. They call it Stockholm syndrome. Any of you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? It's where you feel familiar to these comfortable things. Now, the biggest blocks to us attracting love have to do with our beliefs and it has to do with the familiar patterns that we have from childhood, which brings me to the third thing that is the reason you can't attract love and it has to do with your attachment pattern. There's something called attachment styles. Style. We— there's 3 different forms of attachment styles. Mainly there's secure attachment, which means growing up you're able to give and receive love equally from your parents and you're able to have healthy relationships because you, you feel secure in love. Then there's anxious and avoidant. Those are the other 2. Anxious means that you are really craving the validation from someone else that you're dating. You want them to you know, like you, you're wanting them to text you back on time. And if they don't, you start to get anxious. You lean in to receive love. And that's an energy dynamic that I had for a long time. A lot of times it'll happen when you have emotionally unavailable parents growing up. And what'll happen is in anxious, you will then normally attract avoidant partners. Avoidant partners stand back from love. They've been in a way hurt in the past. They've had maybe a parent that cheated on someone else, Maybe they've been abused when they were a kid and they say they want love, but once love starts coming to them or an emotionally available person starts coming to them, they start to feel uncertain and they start to feel scared. So they push it away. So they're like, I kind of want you, but I kind of don't, stand away. And so whereas the anxious leans in, the avoidant pushes away. Now there's something called the avoidant anxious trap that many people fall into. And unfortunately a lot, there's more avoidance in the dating marketplace than there are anxious, 'cause anxious will stay in relationships sometimes longer longer than it's healthy if it's not a relationship that's working. And secure people are already taken many times because they're in and they're confident with love, whereas avoidance push back love, so there's more avoidance in the dating pool. Now, one of the reasons you might not be able to attract love is 'cause you're in either your anxious or attachment pattern. You're in it and you haven't healed from it yet. And when you begin to heal from it, I'm telling you, it changes everything. And the anxious wants validation, And the key for that is for the anxious to give themselves and to start to validate themselves. And then for the avoidant, there's a lack of trust there. They can't trust. So it's, they need to start trusting themselves. But this is something that we teach if you haven't done it yet in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, 21 days of learning how to remove love blocks, heal your attachment pattern, let go of negative beliefs, feel worthy of love, so that you start to attract emotionally available people into your life. And it's the most powerful challenge I've ever made. There are hundreds and hundreds of testimonials of people that have gone through this and completely transformed their life. It's 21 days of an hour-long live every day and workshops, and I bring in experts. It's amazing. So if you wanna check that out, click the link below and you'll see it, or go to aarondoughty.com/love, L-O-V-E, you can join the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge if you haven't already. You may have already joined it. We've had over 3,700 people join it already, but read the testimonials, see what's possible. It is a very powerful experience. So that's the third thing, your attachment style. Now the fourth thing has to do, and the fourth reason you can't attract love has to do with something that I became aware of that changed everything. It has to do with worthiness and shame. So for a long time, I felt like I wasn't worthy of love. And it was a harsh reality I had to realize. I was attracting women into my life that were more avoidant and that weren't as nurturing and weren't emotionally available. And the reason being is because when I was a kid, this all time goes back to childhood. When I was a kid, I had emotionally unavailable parents because they were dealing with their own shit. So I had, you know, my mom was going through a lot when I was 1 or 2 years old. Her dad passed away, so it's understandable. But what happened is at a certain point when I was a baby, I was— imagine like, this is the analogy I use a lot, but this is actually what I believe happens. You know when you're a baby and you're like, maybe your parents are like, "Ha, goo goo ga ga," like that, and the baby's like, "Ah, ah." Now imagine the baby's like looking looking to the only source of like energy they have, which is their parents, and imagine their parents stopped doing that. There's no more, huh, or whatever the hell you do. So all of a sudden what happens is it's like you start getting anxious. You're in your crater. You're like, why are they not responding to me? Why do they look so cold and withdrawn? Why are they not present? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I'm not worthy or whole and complete. And what happens is, we then go on this, like even years later, there's this pattern from childhood where you don't feel enough. You feel like you have to fix your mom or fix your parent. And that's when reparenting happens. But one of the things that happened for me is I continued to attract emotionally unavailable people because I was trying to close the loop from childhood. What I was doing is I was finding women that I felt like I had to fix or felt maybe there was something about them that looked broken and I would attract people that I felt like I had to fix and then I'm trying to fix them. And the reason I was trying to fix them was because of this. Subconsciously, I was replaying the same dynamic from when I was a kid, because if I could fix them, I could get them to love me. I could get them to, you know, feel the way that I've always wanted to feel when someone else was there. I was drawing my sense of validation and love from somebody else. And if I could fix them, I could get them to do that. The healing thing for me was me realizing shame. Shame means we're not worthy. It's identity-based. There's something broken with me. And one of the reasons you might not be able to attract love, at least you believe you can't, is because you believe you're broken. And I'm here to tell you that you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. If your parents were emotionally unavailable when you were growing up, It's not because you're not worthy. It's not because it's your, you're not enough. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. And for me growing up, I had to realize it wasn't my fault that my mom was going through stuff. It doesn't mean I'm not worthy. It doesn't mean I need to try to fix women in order for me to get them to love me. When I realized this, I dropped the shame and realized it had nothing to do with me. And for you, it has nothing to do with you. It is not your fault. If your parents, if one of your parents cheated on your other parent, it's not your fault. It's not your job to glue your family together. If you felt like you weren't given attention or love or nurturing growing up, it's not your fault. It's not 'cause you're not worthy. Releasing shame is the key to this whole game, this whole process. When I realized and I separated my energy from my parents and realized that was their shit, not mine. I don't have to feel in a box or enclosed. And then I started to realize my own sense of self-worth and I started to feel completely different when I was dating from that moment going forward. I was like, oh, I am enough. I am worthy. And then when people, if they were kind of walking on me, I would be like, nope, that's not, what I put up with. I draw boundaries. And then as I was saying no to the old pattern, I started saying yes to something else. So shame is something you must release. Shame is identity-based. Guilt is action-based. You can be a good person that did something wrong. That's guilt. But shame is like, I'm broken. There's something wrong with you. There's nothing broken with you. And the degree to which you realize this is the degree to which you become free. And that's what we teach in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge. Just as a basis or as a teaser, that's what we mainly deal with. We deal with releasing these beliefs, these stories that are no longer true so that we can start to wire in a new sense of worthiness, a new sense of also releasing, which is the fifth thing that I wanna talk about here. The fifth reason you can't attract love has to do with emotional availability and abandonment. Many of you were either abandoned growing up, maybe physically by one of your parents or both of your parents, or emotionally abandoned by one or both of your parents. And this is a very common thing that happens. I felt emotionally abandoned when I was a kid. So guess what ended up happening? I would abandon myself to make others happy. I would do everything I can to be a people pleaser, to get people's validation because I wasn't given the validation growing up and that validation became a drug. It became so much of a drug that I would make YouTube videos so more people could look at me and I would add value to them. Then more people would like me, then I would fill up my cup more because there was a sense of emptiness there. So I had to get very honest with myself and realize my own sense of worthiness, but also exactly tied to the level to which I extend myself to others. I've had times where it's friends' birthdays where I drive, one time I drove 10 or 12 hours, canceled a photo shoot, with a celebrity photographer that I had. And it was a week before I was going to Costa Rica. It was like a year or two ago. And I drove 10 or 12 hours so that I could get to a place for someone's birthday party 'cause I couldn't say no. I abandoned myself, my business, my priorities so that I could rush for 2 days for a birthday 'cause I couldn't say no. I abandoned myself because what was worse to me was feeling like they were unhappy with the fact that I couldn't make it. You see? And then I also have friends that would come do this, come do this. I'd feel torn. How can I? I couldn't say no. I couldn't say no because I was afraid that if I said no, I would be abandoned. That also comes from childhood. When I stopped abandoning myself, which also means going inside of your body, a lot of this is body work. And one of the things we do in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge is I bring on my shadow work integration coach who has double PhDs. He's a master at Carl Jungian psychology. And one of the bonuses in there is him talking about how to get more in your body and how to heal these patterns in your body and do what is called shadow work integration. When you do that, everything changes. When I started to get inside my own body, I started to ask myself, what do I wanna do? Do I wanna drive 12 hours? You couldn't fly. I would've flown. There's no way to, it would've been over 12 hours to fly because I'd had to fly then drive 5 hours. And it was like a layover. It was complicated anyways. Stop abandoning yourself for other and your whole entire life will begin to change. And that also helps with masculine and feminine energy. If there was a number 6 to this, it'd be the polarization of your masculine or feminine energy. Many people that have a mother wound tap more into their feminine because they're trying to help, they're trying to heal themselves. Many people that have a masculine wound will activate their masculine because they can't trust the masculine. So they go and create success in the world, which is their sense of safety, but then they're attracting feminine men. And even for same-sex relationships, it's a similar thing because in same-sex relationships there's still polarity. So if you're looking to heal any of these, these are what we do 21 days in a row in the Magnetic Love Challenge. Click the link below to join. Other than that, like this video if you like this video. I've been doing longer videos lately, going more in detail, more in depth with these things. If you like those longer videos, smash the like button, comment below, let me know what is your one big takeaway from this video. Is there a pattern you became aware of yourself by me sharing my own. Let me know. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoyed this video. And as always, peace, much love, and namaste.
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