DETACH & ATTRACT: The Courage To Be DISLIKED...

Freedom is your ability to be disliked. We think we wanna be liked by everybody. And we then are, who do I have to be to be liked about, you know, from everybody? And then we'll change our frame of reality to make everybody else happy. But what if that's the wrong question to ask? What if you weren't attached to being liked at all and then you could just be yourself? And the irony is that when you're just being yourself and you're not attached to whether people like you or not, What is your energy like? Magnetic, attractive. You're not attached to what other people think. You're not trying to get something from them. If you can accept that you're not gonna be everyone's cup of tea or you're not gonna be everyone's flavor, that's okay. We don't have to take on the burden of trying to convert people over to understanding us, converting people over to seeing the value and the worth. There's a lot of power that comes when you realize and you just accept that you're not gonna be liked by everybody. The longer that I've been on YouTube, the more I've realized that on one hand, the longer I'm on YouTube, the more people I reach, there are more people that really love what I do. And there are also people that hate what I do, that don't like what I do, or that have their own perspective. And it's totally, it's like, it's a part of the game. But can you see how I would block myself if I was not willing to accept this over here? I'd be constantly tuning to a different frame or playing a different, playing to a different beat in order to get something that I don't even want anyways. And that's a big part of freedom when you realize that it's not something you need, it's not something you want, you just accept it. It's like there's a new level of freedom that opens up. Yes.

Hi, and this is something I'm really grappling with in my relationships, being truly myself and the courage to be disliked for personally my spirituality. And but then where does compromise come in? Because then I have a lot of people telling me, like, in relationships you have to compromise.

What do you feel like you need to compromise? Like, what is— what is the reflection for you? Like, can you give it a specific—

yeah, so I'm dealing with a situation with someone I just ended a relationship with. Um, basically my spirituality is very important to me.

Yep.

And my, um, ex-partner wants traditional religion and doesn't want anything outside of those lines. And so he doesn't want to be—

Is your spirituality important to you?

It's me. It's me.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah.

Is it important to you to have in a partner someone that also values something similar to you, whether they completely understand it or whether they're open to it, or like, what is the— what is that clarity for you there?

I want spiritual freedom to explore what I want to explore. I don't need my partner to believe what I believe.

Right.

Yeah.

So in that relationship, did you feel like you could explore that, or did you feel like you were being judged? Or was there being judged?

Because if anything, I look at spirituality as universal. I'm not very much in the template of like religion. I see everything as universal. And so for me, I want that freedom, right, to be able to do that. Yeah.

Yeah.

So then people are like, well, if he's important to you, then you need to compromise.

Right.

So that is—

Well, I guess it's getting clear with what dating does for us is it helps us become aware of where our edge is and what is important and what we value. So through the contrast of this relationship, you may have become aware how important your spiritual practice is to you. And you want somebody maybe that accepts the spiritual practice that you are into. And if it feels like you're not being accepted for that, or that's something that they're 'Cause compromise works two ways, right?

But I'm letting him do his thing.

I know, but that's what I'm saying is if that, it sounds like it's also the compromise isn't coming the other direction, right? So in a sense it's like, so what, you're supposed to compromise yourself at the level of like, what is expected of you to compromise? Like how much more can you compromise yourself?

Well, he basically said, you know, he would like it I kind of keep it to myself and don't— if we had kids together, he doesn't want that in his orbit, basically.

And how do you feel about that?

I don't feel good about it. That's why we're not together right now.

Yeah, exactly.

But I have my friends coming in saying like, find a middle ground, find a middle way.

With that guy?

Yeah, yeah.

So they're just— all of that is just external stuff.

They're trying to—

Yeah, it's all external.

Don't do it, don't do it. OK.

It's all— All right, come on everyone. Class is getting a little loud. The clarity that you have within yourself, I think is very clear.

It's very clear.

It's just, it is completely related to the frame technique as well, because it's almost like we start to, you're starting to doubt yourself. Like, oh, I need to be confident.

I also wanna show him the light, but that's my control issue. That's my—

Exactly. And then friends, this is a thing that happens a lot in relational dynamics, even with friends, is your friends many times will want you to be the version of you that you've always been around them, right? So once you start to evolve to a new level, this doesn't have to be some spiritual hierarchy where it's like, you know, but in general, when you start to become more aware of certain patterns, the version of you that you used to be may not be the version that they're comfortable with. So what happens is now that you are seeing that pattern and breaking outta that pattern, it could be that you break outta that pattern and now they maybe had more access to you, maybe more control of you, maybe you were a certain way that confirmed their reality more, and maybe you also stayed in a limiting pattern that they could empathize with you on, right? Like a lot of time, I mean, sometimes it can be friends that maybe aren't in happy relationships that are giving you all this advice, right? A lot of times that's what it is. But if someone's asking you to compromise yourself in that way, You wanna look out what the source is and you want to kind of in the beginning earlier when we were talking about, when someone was talking about the therapist saying something and what my gut was telling me, like that whole thing, it's like being able to tune to yourself to say, what do I feel about this? What is important to me? Because ultimately that's a pretty deep thing when it comes to dating someone else is what are your values around religion, around spirituality, around kids, around raising kids. It's pretty deep. It's not like, it's like what compromise? I mean, there could be versions of compromise, I guess, but you seem very clear with what you want. Let's go right over here. We have a gentleman with his hand up. Could you go into the difference between controlling and manifesting? Yeah. So just the general difference between controlling and manifesting. Yeah, 'cause sometimes it feels like manifesting requires a lot of control. Yeah. Which kind of defeats it energetically. Yeah. It's kind of a paradox, isn't it? So on one hand we have— so I guess the definition of control, like what would you say? How would you describe control? Yeah, I would say forcing something, sometimes obsessing over it as well. Right. What you— the outcome you want to control. And what the energy of want or the energy of obsessing over something That kind of energy. It's almost like the belief is that if I obsess about something and I think about something and I want something, then I'm going to get this thing. Yeah. So isn't it funny that sometimes I think desire is something we use because there's almost a subconscious belief that if I want, I'm going to receive. Yeah. But is it true that if you want something, you are then going to— then adds to the energy of you getting it? No. Yeah, very often not. It doesn't feel like that. Because the more you want, the more you vibrationally lack. It's a different energy. So the transformation that I found around manifestation in general and this balance of control is shifting more into a level of divine alignment. You focus on what is the energy you wanna feel. You can focus on visualizing what you quote unquote want, but it's more of an identity-level manifestation where you're putting the awareness inside of your body and you're feeling it as if it's here now, not because when this thing gets here, then my reality is shifted and then I can shift how I feel, but it literally feels good to visualize. So the way that I view manifestation is more along the lines of visualizing what you quote unquote want, using the imagination. We'll talk about like alpha brainwaves and all of that. As well, but using your consciousness to feel it as if it's already here now. And what happens is when you feel as if it's already here now, you're more likely to pick up on energy inside of your field that isn't equal to the energy you're admitting. So what a lot of people do though is they're waiting for the external to shift to feel happy. They're waiting for the external to shift. And that's where the control happens. The belief is if I control, then the external will shift, then I can feel happy. But in fact, when you go about it a different way where you focus on priming inside of your consciousness, the love, the joy, the peace, whatever it is that you're trying to bring into your life, and you feel it as if it's already here now, you are now priming yourself to pick up on new synchronicities, new opportunities that are in alignment with that. Does that make sense? So it's a belief. It's in the understanding that the attachment to the outcome is not what's gonna bring you happiness. That's an interesting thing about synchronicity is, is it the divine angel number that is giving you the, you know, that's giving you a sign that you're on the right track? Or is it your own belief in the angel number that's putting you on the right track? Because ultimately everything is being reflected back to you. Yeah, right. But sometimes I think in the spiritual community, there's this connection to these start, these, you know, the numbers, the angel numbers, all of these things. And I think that a lot of times similar that we're looking for some form of understanding reality or some form of control. So it's still rooted back in control because you feel more in control if you see 11:11 and you're like, oh, Ah, everything's okay. I was having a bad day and it said 11:11 on the microwave. Even though you don't use the microwave, right? So you just put 11:11 on the microwave so that it's constantly 11:11, right? Like, how deep are you going to take? Like, that's the funny thing about manifestation also in general. Is that a lot of people that have been through trauma in the past may be into spirituality and also, 'cause that pressure created, like that pressure from back in childhood created that desire to like learn more, but also it created a certain desire to want to, in manifestation, to think I can visualize what I want and then I'm gonna visualize it and then I'm gonna experience what I want. Think about that level of control. It's a very sexy idea, isn't it? It's a very sexy idea that I can visualize what I want and then I can feel it as if it's already happening and then I can experience what I want. So, and I really wanted to match what I visualized to actually happen over here because then I feel like I'm in control of reality. And if I'm not in control of reality, what could happen? There could be something unknown that happens. But what's interesting is what you end up blocking out is you end up blocking out all the magic. There could be way more magical things that come into your life if you weren't so adamant on visualizing to need to experience exactly what you're visualizing. It's because we think we know, we think we know what we're wanting to create. And then because of that, We insist on it and then we block out. Remember, if there's 11 to 15 million bits of information around us and we can only perceive of about 100 bits per second, we're excluding 99.99% of everything around us at the expense of what we're choosing to see, what we want to see. And then every time we see 1111 or some divine angel number, I can feel different now. I'm on the right track. And we can use that tool. I'm making fun of it kind of, but it's like, whatever tool works for you, you can use.

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