Detach & They Will Attach: Why Love Comes to You When You STOP CHASING...

When you chase, you are projecting outside of yourself something that can only be realized inside. So what happens is people that chase are looking for something that is not inside of themselves and projecting onto other people that need or that desire. And what happens is it repels away people. It repels away and it does not attract because the energy is you're chasing. When you're chasing anything, what does— if you chase a dog, what does the dog do? It plays along and it runs from you, right? Well, what happens is in a similar way, people are responding to the energy you're putting out. So When you are chasing, it's like other people are just kind of playing that game. When you are in your own frame of reality, when you're focused on your own life, when you're feeling safe inside of your body, when you're present to the moment, you are more magnetic. And it's like, you know you're good either way. You're not under the disillusionment that this person or this thing is going to make you happy and whole and complete you. So what happens is because you're not buying into that, you're questioning that, and you wanna know the deeper aspect of this? If you get to the core of the inner child part of you that's chasing, that it is an inner child part of you that as a kid may have not feel seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured, that may be chasing because it's wanting to feel seen and heard and validated. So what happens is it looks for that on the external, from friends, job, partners, et cetera. But really what it really, really wants is it wants attention from you. It wants you to be present with that part of you. Exactly, inner child healing. And as you begin to meet that part of you, you might find that your nervous system begins to relax. You might find that you begin to feel more relaxed. And also then it's like you're not chasing things on the outside because that part of you feels regulated. I think sometimes when people chase too, there's like a dopamine, part of it is like dopamine. It's like they want it, they're chasing dopamine, they're chasing the response or the validation or the approval. And once they get it, then they think they're, they feel good, but it then goes away quickly and then they need more of it. It's like the molecule of more, more. Someone says, I keep attracting narcissists, a close family member and now a coworker. They're the same person. So realize that you attract certain energies into your life that reflect back the opportunity for you to bring on a different aspect of yourself and to integrate. And if as a kid that narcissistic energy felt familiar, you will attract people that come into your life because it feels safe and safe, it feels familiar. So something to become aware of is where can you begin to embody the disowned parts of you that allow you to be more in your power? Many times that will happen with someone that's passive that can then become more proactive about being in their body and being in a stronger frame. So how can you set boundaries? How can you be vulnerable? How can you say no? These are all the lessons that may come up for you to break the pattern of attracting that energy. Now, the weird thing to realize though is that there's a part of you that may be also addicted to the story. If you think about it like the perpetrator, victim, rescuer triangle, which is a codependency triangle, it's like somebody has to be the perpetrator, somebody has to be the victim, somebody has to be the rescuer or the saver or the fixer. And what happens is at times you may say, I keep attracting perpetrators, I keep attracting perpetrators, I keep attracting perpetrators, but part of you might be it feels so familiar to be the victim or the fixer. It feels so familiar to be the victim or the fixer. And you may literally get a payoff for saying, see, this isn't fair. See, someone is controlling. See, this is how all men are. See, this is how all women are. So there's a part that may literally feel high for getting to be right about reality. But the thing to become aware of is that that codependency triangle may be something that is familiar, but what you wanna do is you want to break out of it. Now, how do you break out of it, these different levels? Well, for the victim, you start getting, it's like you transform that energy from life is happening to me to life is happening for me, and you stop letting it hold you back. You stop identifying as the victim. The fixer, you stop fixing people believing that if you fix them, you'll get them, you'll feel good about yourself. You stop fixing people believing that if you fix them or please them like people pleasers, that it's actually good for them. When many times you may be abandoning yourself or the fix-it mentality, by the way, many times, It's a distraction from looking at yourself. So people that are people pleasers or trying to fix other people, many times are trying to fix other people because it takes the attention away from themselves. It takes the attention away from them becoming more emotionally available. It takes the attention away from them looking at their own stuff. So they have these projects, this project over here they can work on, this project over here, they have all these things they can work on, which has taken away the energy from them looking at different aspects of themselves, which may be that there's a sad part of themselves, which may mean there is an angry part of themselves. Many times when there's a people pleaser or fixer mentality, there's like, there could be repressed anger there. But you stop, you realize that what you think you're doing to help, you're actually doing to enable. And then it's like, why would I keep doing that same pattern? Because if you keep enabling, you will keep attracting victims that need you. But here's the thing, you feel needed. And that needed feeling is what you like. That's why it's called the codependency triangle. Does that make sense? So how can you be the one that you're looking for? That's really the question. 'Cause right now you will either look for people to be the perpetrator, victim, or rescuer in your life, or you will project those roles onto other people where maybe normally it doesn't fit, which is why it's like somebody sets a boundary, you might be like, that's a perpetrator. Well, that's a narcissist or something like that. Even when it's like, you know, 'cause everyone throws around some of these terms and I use them when I'm making content because people understand what they mean. But there is a thing where people are constantly like looking for people to project on these different roles because they feel familiar. Does that make sense? And see if there's questions. Awesome. Let's see. How do I surrender and reset my nervous system? Not being fight or flight mode automatically. A big part of this has to do with allowing yourself to feel heal, and let go of energy that's stored inside of the body. And what happens is when you breathe in oxygen and like through breathwork, for example, like somatic breathwork, and you breathe in and you release the energy that's stored inside of your body, you will feel so much more free. And you will then allow yourself to trust being present to the moment. And you'll have like tools for breathing into the moment instead of freezing. And sometimes you catch yourself and that awareness is something to be celebrated. Even the awareness that you fight or flight is like a step in the right direction because then you're realizing, instead of just being in reaction, you're aware of what the reaction is, then you can begin breathing into the uncomfortable emotions. You can, a lot of times when people are in flight, they stop breathing. So one of the things you can do is to simply breathe. So surrender really is about surrendering to, also surrendering to God, something larger than you, the divine, the universe, whatever name you wanna give it. But when you surrender to that energy, it's like the ego, like ask yourself the question, what is in fight or flight? It's the separate ego. The separate ego that's trying to control and doesn't want to feel certain emotions and wants to stay in familiar. When you surrender, you allow yourself to feel, heal, let go, and you allow God or the flow of energy to go through you, the universe, whatever name you wanna give it. And what happens is as that flows through you, you feel more free. You feel more light. Nice. Someone says, Aaron, I just want you to know that years ago I watched a video of you and you said, stop putting things on a pedestal. That message was a life changer for me. Thank you. Yes, it's a powerful idea that came from a book called Reality Transurfing, and basically it has to do with this thing called decreasing the level of importance you give things. Now, ultimately, in reality, everything is fundamentally neutral. Nothing is more important than anything else. And what happens is in life, when we give things excess importance, or we could say excess meaning, and once again, nothing in life has any built-in meaning other than the meaning we give it or the meaning we agree to. In the same way, when it comes to energy and a pedestal, pedestal, pedestal, however you say it, anything you put on an energetic pedestal, you create separation between you and that thing. So if you put a partner on a pedestal, if you put a person on a pedestal, if you put a job on a pedestal or your boss, anything, what you do is you create resistance. And if you say this person's better than me or I want to be a certain way for them, et cetera, you create resistance. And that resistance separates you from that thing and it literally projects onto that thing that hierarchy difference. So just like the quote, if you treat someone like a celebrity, they'll treat you like a fan. It's like if you put someone on a pedestal and you give away your power, It's like that energy dynamic is created and it creates something where it's almost out of reach because it's not equal to your identity. So one of the biggest shifts you can experience is when you realize that nothing or no one is more important than you, but also no one is less important than you. Everybody's on an equal playing field. And by the way, that's like when you achieve certain goals in your life, when you become the person where it is natural for you to be living in abundance, it will feel normal. It won't feel like on this crazy pedestal. Every dollar that comes into your life is not like, oh my God. It's only like that when you're in this other perspective. And one of the other things that can help you understand this is realizing that even when you get your goals, whatever your goals are, Even when you get your goals and you achieve them, it's not gonna feel very different. It's not gonna be the other half to your soul that completes you. And when you realize that, you start to realize, oh, it can be fun to experience these goals. You can still have goals, just don't be under the notion that the goals are gonna complete you and that it's gonna be the end, it's gonna be super, super important. So now that I've become more successful as time has gone on over the last 8 or 9 years that I've been doing what I do, it's like normal. It's not on this crazy pedestal. It's not this amazing, oh my God, if this would happen, it'd be so incredible. It's like when I was first growing on YouTube, I remember the first 100,000 subscribers and then to 200,000 and then to 500,000. Every goal I was like, oh, now I'm worthy. Like subconsciously, of course. I was like aware in the moment that like, this isn't gonna make you happier. But yeah, but I still want 100K. What about 200K? What about 500K? What about the million plaque? And it was always more, more, looking for more. And a lot of times what happens, by the way, when people on YouTube get the million plaque is there's this lull. It's like their channel kind of stops growing. 'Cause their motivation changed. That was the goal. That was the goal. Then they finally get it and then it's like, well, now what? They realize, oh, it doesn't feel that different. I remember when I first got the 100,000 subscriber plaque from YouTube and I, in my mind, it was like, this is gonna feel so different. I remember getting it and then I went to the gym that day and I was like, this feels zero different. It's just an idea. But here's the thing, if you know that and nothing is more important or not important, then you can focus on the process. Then you could focus more on just having fun. And here's the thing I learned, especially about growing on YouTube, the more I would just have fun, the better I would do, the better things would grow, the more fun that I had. It's one of the reasons I think some of these Instagram Lives do well. On my Instagram, 'cause like to go live on Instagram, I can go live like a few times a week. Some of these will get, you know, like 50 to 70, sometimes 100,000 views after it goes live, which is kind of, it's not common that I see that, you know, people go live and it does that well. Like normally if you were talking to someone that's like, this is how to grow your social media, they would say, don't like go in live, it's a good way of, creating community and like connecting with your people, but they normally are gonna get no views. Well, when I go live, it does, I think one of the reasons it does well is just 'cause when I sink in, there's some that do better than others, it really is dependent on my energy of when I sink in with all of you. When I sink in with all of you, when I'm like engaging with all of you in the comments, there's an energy and it's kind of like it breaks the rules of things doing well. But if I focus on getting the views, it takes my energy out of the present moment and it disperses that. If I focus on connecting and adding value and having fun, it's a different energy. And that's why I say to a lot of people, like, follow the fun, follow the energy. And when you are allowing that divine energy to flow through you, Like, do you think the divine energy flows through you and then you're like, "Yes, but what results will I get?" No, the energy flows through you and you're like, "This feels good. This is who I am." It feels good and it does feel good to be of service to other people. Like I feel when I get on these live calls, when I make videos, when I make content, like my intention is of adding value to the people that are watching. It does feel good. And I think one of the reasons it feels good is because also other people are other aspects of you. We're all connected. And I really believe that, that at the end of our life, I believe that we feel what we've made every other people in our lives feel. And when we make an impact by just— it doesn't have to be like you have a social media following or you grow an audience. but like I do, people that have had NDEs, near-death experiences, talk about this, having what are called life reviews, where literally you feel what other people felt in relationship to you in your life. And I've had this actually happen before, an NDE, back in like 2011. And I felt there were 2 or 3, like, it's hard to explain. There were these crumpled, it was almost like crumpled up paper. That would uncrumple, and then I would see and experience and feel what the other person felt in a certain experience with me, and then it would crumple back up and then uncrumple again, and then it'd be another experience. And there were some good experiences and some bad experiences, but after that moment, there was a big clear— it felt like a big clearing of energy. But I believe that like the reason it feels good to add value to other people in your life and to be of service to the divine or allow the energy to flow through is because it's so meaningful. And also it's like at the end of our life, I think we came here to express ourselves, but we came here to really like be a part of this. I think there's a collective shift in consciousness that's happening on the planet right now. Can any of you guys feel that, by the way? Can you feel that there's a collective shift in consciousness happening? Like more and more people are waking up every year. When I first got on YouTube and started sharing this content, it was pretty taboo. There were like 4 or 5 other creators that were like making content on it, on spiritual awakening, even like shadow work and stuff like that. Now, there's so much more, there's so many more people into it, not just consuming it, but creating it. And I believe that right now on the planet is a time of awakening. It's a time of us remembering who we are, taking our power back. So anyways, but yes, thank you for saying that. Yeah, putting— take— decreasing the level of importance you give things is a very, very powerful way to energetically align with a more accurate feel of reality. But also allow you to, it allows you to energetically like align to it because it's natural, it's normal. So someone says, how do you let go? So letting go is a, I did a whole Instagram Live yesterday about letting go, how to make letting go easy. I recommend you watch that. I could do a little spiel right now on it, but like, I mean, letting go really is a choice that you make. It's a choice. Believing it's hard will ensure that it is hard. The thing that is normally hard is to let go of the meaning that you've associated so long with. When you let go of that meaning and that identity to that meaning, you become much more free. That's a big part of it. And it, but it really is just like if I had a pen in my hand, I said, can I let go? It's like easy to let go. But if that pen were something someone real special gave to me, told me to never lose it, the pen was what made me confident and all of it, then it would be a lot harder to let go. If I believe that the pen was the— So it's like meaning once again is the thing. You could say that like when people say it's hard to let go, they're also infusing a certain level of that importance of meaning onto that. Onto that pedestal and then creating separation. And maybe is there, so like how do you let go? One of the things to realize with letting go is that one of the reasons you hold on is because holding on is a form of control. And the belief the ego has is if I control, then I will avoid uncomfortable emotions. If I can control, then I'll get what I want. Here's the thing though, from holding on, does it really ever work? Does it ever? Can you control people? What's like one thing you can never control? It's people, right? So you can hang on and stay attached to people, but that creates resistance. It's always when you let go, it's always when you let go that things align for you. Because you let go of resistance. The ego's desire is to control because it finds safety in familiar, and the belief is if I hold on, I'll get what I want. But that's a false belief. Actually, if you hold on, it's one way to create resistance, to block what you want. So the ego thinks it's gonna get what it wants by holding on, but it actually does the opposite. It repels. So one of the things to realize is that actually, if you let go, you will allow yourself to receive. But if you let go, you will also allow the divine to flow through. You'll allow things to naturally happen. So often, when do people attract love into their life? Is it when they hold on and they stay attached? Is it when they're focused on attracting love and they're going out to all the coffee shops and they're trying to meet people? Is that when they do it? Very often what you'll hear from people, when did you meet your person? You guys have been together for 10 years. When did you guys meet? Ah, you know, we met when we stopped looking. A lot of times people say, I literally just stopped looking, I started focusing on myself. I was having fun with friends and then this happened, or I was focused on my purpose, I was doing this. Yes, of course there are times people do attract people that are like, oh, it's on a dating website or something like that. It can happen. But very often there's a certain energetic component to letting go that allows the divine to just bring it into their life because then there's a letting go of resistance. There's a letting go of control. So what is the alternative to not letting go? Is it that you control and you have people do what you want? You hang on and you stay attached? Does that ever really give you what you want? There's a quote by Anthony de Mello, wrote the book called "Awareness," amazing book. It says, "You can have your attachment or you can have your happiness." but you can't have both. Which do you choose? Do you choose your attachment or happiness? Now, letting go is about realizing that what you really want is happiness. Letting go is about realizing this doesn't even equal happiness. And in fact, it creates a ton of resistance. So if you really wanna be free, the key is being aware that you simply believe the attachment is the root of happiness, and it's not. You believe the attachment is maybe the resistance that feels familiar. It's the control, it's the ego's dynamic of control that keeps you in familiar. But here's the thing, in the unknown is where all magic is. In the unknown is where all great deep connections are. In the unknown is where all more abundance is. And in order to get there, you have to let go of the control over here. And when you let go, you become so much more free. You allow the divine to flow through you. You allow yourself to be in the right place at the right time. You allow people to find you, to come into your life because you're being magnetically you because you're not attached. You're in the moment. Someone says, how do you let go of control though? Well, it's kind of what I was mentioning earlier. Control, is resistance of you trying to stay in familiar patterns. And it's really a choice that you make to get into the unknown and to allow the divine or God to flow through. When you're focused on the end result, a lot of times that's control. When you're focused on being present to the moment and the process, that's when it can flow through. So a lot of this is a self-inquiry of even asking yourself the question, who would I be without that thought that I can't let go? Who would I be without the belief that I need to control? Like, who would you be, Sage, without the belief that you need to control in order to feel safe? Who would you be without that? That's what you wanna start looking at. Let's see. This is, I am afraid that everyone hates me because I am poor. Hmm, interesting. I'm afraid. So there's a fear that everybody dislikes you because you are poor. So the first thing I would look at in that situation is why does— why do you believe that being poor is something that people either like you or don't like you based on? Why do you think being rich or poor or abundant or whatever is an attributed factor to feeling worthy or to feeling like you have people's approval? That's what I would look at because there's an identity that may be tied to that. And what is the familiar emotion that maybe you're feeling? Fear someone doesn't like you. Maybe there's a part of yourself that you could begin to soothe and nurture that you can begin to, that you begin to be present with. I'm afraid everyone hates me because I am poor. There's, I mean, people in our life are reflecting back what we believe to be true. And what happens is if we put out the energy also of tiptoeing around other people, We may begin to interpret every little micro movement somebody does as an internalization to see, I was right. It could be that you also just projecting that energy out there of like, I'm on eggshells. By the way, I only made this much money recently. Do you like me or not? When deeper down, you become aware that there's also like this projection of energy that might also be happening. It's funny, my mom one time told me this story where she had this thing called a cyst or something that was like on her face, a cyst, and she was embarrassed by it. So she put makeup on it. And so she said that she went to a store once and she said that the guy there was like, he's like, I don't know if she was joking or not, but he was like, like selling her something and like, "I insist that you look at this over here." And she said he kept using the word insist with the word sis in it. And she kept feeling, she kept wondering, is he talking about me? And my guess, I think my mom was joking about this, but it's like, it wasn't really about her, but that she was interpreting that because she was self-conscious of it. So the thing that I would recommend Melina, is that if you're afraid everyone hates you because you're poor, it may be that you are disliking yourself because you're internalizing and believing that you are poor. First off, if you're here, I don't think you are poor. I believe you've got a phone in your hand, which means you've got something, right? You've got a phone, you've got connection to the outer world, or you've got a dopamine device that keeps you addicted to it, one of the two. Either your phone represents a dopamine addiction or it represents connection to all life, one of the two. So if you say, "I am afraid because everyone hates me 'cause I'm poor," it's most likely I interpret other people as hating me because I judge myself because I believe I am poor. And the first thing I would say Stop doing that. Why you do that? Why you got to do that? You don't have to, like, you're not poor. Okay, how would you, how do you even internalize and say you're poor, right? Like, are you saying you're poor because, are you looking in your bank account and you're like, look, I'm poor? Do you like go up to every person you meet like, look at my bank account, there's no money in it, and they're like, I hate you. Now of course I'm I'm exaggerating this, but I'm exaggerating it so hopefully we can look at it from these different perspectives. Really, if you owned, if you really believe that you're poor and you just own it, you're like, "It is what it is," you're automatically more attractive. You're automatically more attractive 'cause you accept yourself. And you might be like, "This is the situation I'm in, and I'm gonna focus on becoming, on being more abundant." But here's the thing, you already got a phone 'cause you're watching this right now. You wanna talk about poor, you wanna talk about third world countries where they don't even have phones. Some of those, many of those people may actually be happy. You know what's interesting? Here's the interesting thing. I remember I was watching, this is like a year ago, I watched this MrBeast video. And in it, what he did is he had these two people that went into that of this room. And if they stayed in this room for a certain number of days, they got like a million dollars or something. They got to split it. It was a guy and a girl and they go into this, they go into this room and at first it's very bare minimum. It's just like a little bed. It's, they get like food, canned food, and every day they stay, they get like $10,000 or not $10,000. I forget, but basically they stay in there many, many months. And what's interesting, at certain parts of the video, MrBeast gives them an option. You can get like this extremely bright room, right? Like you can get the option to like control the light settings and to have luxury beds. And at certain points, like here's a whole bunch of movies and here is this and here is the Harry Potter books. And they had an opportunity to like give up $70,000 for this. Of their pot that they've been making up so that they could last longer inside of this place. Now, what I found interesting is that in this video, what happens is in the beginning they have almost nothing and they're playing card games, they're connecting with each other, and there was a nice dance between these two. They were strangers when they started, but like they looked happier with way less. Then what happens is towards the middle to end of this video, they got like, they ended up like actually splurging a little bit, spending their $500,000 each pot so that they could have some luxury things to stay in there longer. And what happened is now they've got beds they can sleep on that are really luxurious. Now they've got like the Harry Potter book series. Then they have the, uh, all these movies and DVDs they can watch whenever they want. They have all of these things that they that they have, and then guess what happened? They started arguing a lot. They were like on edge with each other. It was very interesting to see how their happiness didn't seem to increase when they got all these luxury things. And in fact, it caused more drama and it caused them to butt heads. They were like complaining about each other. Like, he takes long showers, she does this. It was like they were bickering. Almost like spoiled little kids that had, that had all of this stuff. Whereas before they didn't have any of that. They were what we call poor and they were way happier, way more connected. So the reason I share that is one thing that I've been learning, even with all the abundance I've created over the last 8 years, is I'm on a kick right now of actually like selling things or giving them away, not having as many materialistic things and just simplifying my life. Realizing what really matters in life. What really matters in life, I believe, is the connections you make with people. It's the relationships you have, and it's the expression of your purpose in the world and feeling like your life has meaning. And what I'm realizing is a lot of things in my life over the last 8 years that I've created, that's like not a part of that, whether that's things or, like burdened. Basically, I'm like cleaning up my life. But what I'm saying is when we talk about being poor, there are a lot of very rich people that are not happy. There are a lot of very rich people that are addicted to their business or addicted to success, believing that it's going to help them become worthy. So don't begin to internalize and believe that if you're rich, you're going to be happy and everyone's going to like you. In fact, when you're rich and you have a lot of money, there'll be a lot of people that resent you. So if you look at this belief right now, I am afraid that everyone hates me because I am poor. Probably there are a lot of people, maybe they pity you, but if you were to, if you were to like even have, basically what I'm saying is it, the point of this isn't to say don't become abundant and don't make money. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is if this is an emotion that's unprocessed inside of you, even when you become abundant, you'll still feel like you're doing something wrong and you'll still feel like people dislike you. In fact, a lot of times people may like you in a certain box than you're in because you're in that box that they know how to relate to you and maybe you're just a little bit less than where they are so they feel comfortable. So, but what I'm saying is instead, do you, boo boo, do you own who you are, own who you are, and realize that this energy is a reflection regardless, is it regardless of how you feel about you. So anyways, a lot of this is about belief work of becoming aware of what you believe about you. Other than that, we'll do this again soon. Yeah, was this fun? I feel like this is pretty good. This is fun. It's pretty fun. Some days there's more flow than others, but there was, there was definitely flow. The flow was here today. But anyways, other than that, I wanna thank you all for being here. And as always, peace, much love, and namaste.