DETACH TO ATTRACT: Why Everything Comes to You When You "Give Up"

In this video, I'm going to show you how to surrender and intend at the same time. Surrender is something that will completely transform your life when you begin learning how to do it and you begin choosing to do it, choosing to let go, choosing to let go of outcome, to let yourself feel what comes up. And when you begin doing that, you are also telling your ego that I don't need to figure this all out. The ego is a self-preservation mechanism that does whatever it can to help you survive. But here's the thing, your ego only wants to survive. It doesn't wanna thrive. It wants to keep you exactly where you are right now. So what happens is when we talk about surrendering, what you're really surrendering to is the ego's control to figure it all out and to force things to happen. But the thing is, there is a different energy behind power, a different energy behind this inner power inside of you versus forcing things to happen. Forcing things to happen is a side effect of not wanting to be in the unknown because the unknown in childhood may have been scary. And what you end up doing is creating lots of resistance. Now, someone may ask, how do you intend and surrender at the same time? How do you do both? You can have an intention for something without being attached to the outcome. For example, you can have a conversation with someone and intend to be vulnerable. Intend to get clarity around a specific situation. However, you can at the same time surrender to the outcome because it is not your job to control how things happen. Your intention is to have a vision or intention for something but not be attached to the how, not be attached to how people respond to it, or what the outcome is. Does that make sense? So intention and surrender actually go hand in hand. People sometimes think that to surrender means to be passive. It does not. To surrender means that you trust an energy greater than your own, because the only reason that we try to control is because we wanna feel safe, right? We wanna feel safe. But what is safe? Is safe allowing you to feel familiar emotions that you've been feeling for so long, familiarized energies and emotions? So there's a very big, it's the same difference by the way, It's where the intention is coming from, right? I was on a podcast yesterday and one question was about the difference between people that are kind and people that are nice. People that are nice are attached to outcome. People that are nice, even think about the way you say that. What do you say about a nice person? Oh, they were nice. They were nice. Oh, you know, they're a nice person. but it's not that that's an authentic person that you actually know how they feel. Oh, they're nice. They're being nice because they want to get something from you. They want you to validate them. They want you to approve of them. It's a manipulative tactic that someone uses to get their needs met. That's nice. Now kind is someone that is not attached to outcome. I am kind 'cause I am a kind person. You can accept it or reject it. That's not my thing. I am kind 'cause it's who I am, not 'cause of what it'll get me. Have you ever realized that someone that is nice, if they were being nice to someone and someone doesn't be nice back to them, how does that nice person feel? Not so nice. They may be like, "They didn't, I can't believe they responded like this." Well, they responded like this because you were attached to outcome. What is the difference between nice and kind? The difference is in the intention behind it. It's the same thing with having an intention where you're attached to the outcome and have an intention where you trust the divine, you trust the unknown. You don't need to control. Control is something that your ego uses to get its needs met. The challenge is that when you're trying to control anything, there is a force, there is a resistance that the universe places upon you. It is the difference between— imagine you're walking a dog and you are yanking the leash and there's a lot of tension. You holding the leash like that may actually cause the dog to be more chaotic because it can feel this tension that you're giving it. but if you were to walk with the dog and give it a little bit of slack in the leash, it would just naturally follow you because you'd be respecting the dog. It's a different energy, right? But what a lot of people do in life is they're yanking and they're not understanding why the universe is pulling back on them. They're yanking a chain towards them with resistance, and then naturally the universe is repelling it. Just like if I were to go over to you right now and I were to push you, just like push and lean against you, you would push back. You'd be like, you'd have to, otherwise you would fall over, right? So as a natural response to reality, you are responding to the resistance that I place upon you that is causing you to push back resistance. Well, in life, you do the same thing. You do the same thing exactly. What you resist— what you resist persists. What if everyone in your life is simply replaying back the subconscious stories that you have about people? Like, if you believe that people in your life are can't be trusted, you will attract people to you that you feel like you can't trust, and you will even interpret little things they do as evidence that, see, I can't trust them. So then what happens is you go out into the world and you attract to you all the people you can't trust, and you're projecting onto them and interpreting things they do as, you see, I can't trust them. The thing is, is that the way reality is? Are there people in reality that do trust people? Yes, there are. Are there people in reality that do not have to guard their energy and resist and try to control dynamics to get their needs met? Of course there are. But the difference is the common denominator. The common denominator is that you may have the story. You may have a story that says things in life aren't fair. You may have a story that says, I can't trust other people. You may have a story that people are manipulative. Whatever the story is, the common denominator is that you have the story. But you see, we want to be right. We want to be right about reality because it justifies maybe aspects of our past that says, you see, I can't trust people. You see, because we want to get a dirty high off feeling like we understand why reality is the way that it is. Can't you see I can't trust this person or this kind of person? You are literally wanting to be right at the expense of happiness. Why do you want to be right? Because when you're right, you get a dopamine high. And when you're right, you've got the world all figured out. You understand how the world works. Everyone's predictable. You see, you can't trust people. They're predictable. But it's a self-confirmation bias. You are literally attracting people to you to play out similar dynamics. So when you go out into the world, you are only gonna attract that. The podcast I was on yesterday, I was talking to her and she was, there's this common belief that women can have around dating that I've met in a couple different friends that have mentioned this. They believe that there aren't many conscious men out there. This is the belief that some women have. There aren't many conscious men out there. So what happens is from the belief that there aren't many conscious men out there, how are you going to actually attract a conscious grounded man if you believe they're not out there? That the truth is there's an abundance of every type of person in the world, but all because you haven't met them yet doesn't mean they're not out there. But if you believe they're not out there, every person you meet might be superficial because you believe all men, all people are superficial. You can only attract that which you believe you can experience, and that which you believe is out there in reality. But very often what happens is people judge. That judge— that judgment is in your energy field, and then when you go out into the world, other people may be judging you because you're judging them. But if you believe that this is all that's in the world, you're only gonna attract people that reflect that back to you. Does that make sense? It's like people, like if you had people that were playing out energy dynamics and you said, my core story is that life's not fair, you can't trust people or whatever else. And then you went around them and these people started playing out that pattern with you. You'd be like, see, I was right. This is the way reality is. but in actuality, they're playing out that pattern 'cause it's active in your field and it's what you expect. Have any of you ever heard of the expectation effect? Now, not to compare us to rats, but I'm gonna do it. If you were to get people and bring them into a research facility, this has been studied before, this is an experiment, and there's all these rats and there's Post-it notes on these rats. Some of the Post-it notes say smart, some of the Post-it notes say dumb. So there's smart rats and there's dumb rats. You take the smart rats, you bring it over to a maze and you have it go through a maze. You bring the dumb rats over to a maze, you put it through the maze. These smart rats on average go through the maze 2 times as fast as the dumb rats. Now you want to know something interesting about this. The Post-it notes that said smart rat, dumb rat was random. Completely random. People's expectation of the rats to go through the maze quicker because they were smarter influenced the rats. The person's expectation determined what the whether the rat was smart or dumb, went through the maze fast or slow, because of their expectation. They've done this also with kids. Imagine being the parent and your kid was in an experiment and some of the kids in the class were labeled to the teacher as smart and some of the kids were labeled as the teacher as dumb. And at the end of the year, the kids that were labeled smart performed way better than the kids that were labeled dumb. Once again, it was completely random. And if that was your kid and they were labeled as dumb, you'd be pretty mad for the experiment. But so you could look at it and say, why is that? Was it the teacher was making more eye contact with the kids that were smart and they were more patient because they knew they would eventually get it, where maybe they gave up on the kids that were labeled as dumb? Did they just expect them to have more of the answers so that expectation effect influenced them? Very interesting, very interesting to look at, isn't it? But nonetheless, our expectations— a teacher's expectation can determine whether a kid is smart or performs well or not well. Smart or dumb, these are just labels I'm using for the, the video as far as, you know, understanding these, these studies or whatever. But basically what I'm saying, whether it's a rat, a kid, or a person, People are forming to your expectations of them. And if you expect them to take advantage of you, they're more likely to. If you expect them to manipulate you, they're more likely to. If you expect that you can't trust them, you're more likely to find evidence of that. But the common denominator is not in them. The common denominator is that you carry a story with you. You carry a pattern with you and you are attracting them, maybe, just maybe, to reflect back to you an energy that you can begin to heal, an energy that you can begin to process. We attract people into our lives to reflect back to us the unhealed aspects of ourselves because our consciousness is looking for closure on different patterns and on different lessons. So if you are attracting controlling people into your life or narcissistic people into your life, the lesson may be to stay in your own frame. The lesson may be for you to say no to that kind of energy, and that as you do that, you begin to pass the test. You don't have to tiptoe around people any longer. That might be your lesson. You can learn and evolve. You don't have to stay trapped in the story, in the lesson, simply because you've been in it for so long. You pass the test, you move to the next level. So to surrender and to let go and to intend at the same time, it has to do with beginning to trust the universe, beginning to trust God, allowing the divine to flow through you. When I run live events, when I go live even, if I try to figure this stuff out before I go live, stifling. If I just show up and trust that the right information will come through at the right time, that the right metaphors and analogies will come into my head, they do, and it's so much easier because I don't have to control. Like the live event that I'm running this weekend, Here in LA, 130, 140 people signed up. It could be a lot of fun. There's nothing planned. I literally show up and I'm gonna, it's gonna, the space is gonna take on a life of its own. The most magical moments I've had at any live event that I've done has been when it's not planned and it's something that happens in the moment through interaction of the group. And what I realized is I realized this and I'm like, why do I— makes it so much easier. I don't have to plan. I just show up. Some people say preparation is key. Well, the way I prepare is I do my own inner work. I go live here and I see the themes that everyone's mentioning in the chat, the comments and stuff like that. Still create content. I coach, I have like coaching programs, stuff like that where I'm constantly working with people to see what patterns are in things. Yeah, tips on surrendering. One powerful way to surrender is to realize you're good either way. You're good either way. Whether something happens or doesn't happen, you're good either way. If you have that mantra, I'm good either way, it reduces importance, it reduces resistance. Anything we make really, really important, we create a lot of resistance around. 'Cause ultimately you are good either way. You can adapt in the moment, whether you get some intention or not, you're good either way. But if you believe it's very important that you get it, you create resistance and that resistance creates blocks. Yeah, I'm good either way. That's the mantra. Like, you're good if something happens, you're good if it doesn't happen. You can still intend for it to happen. You can imagine what it would be like to be in certain situations, but you don't need it to happen. You don't need to try to control— you don't need to be the one to figure out the how. Someone says, how to stop thinking about So how to stop overthinking about someone. Understand that when you're overthinking about someone else, first off, overthinking is a mechanism the ego uses to try to control. It thinks, if I think about this a lot, I will figure it out. Now, normally what you'll realize is that when you're overthinking, thinking itself is a survival mechanism. When you're just being, you're not thinking. Like if you think of some of the people that are the best at what they do, they're in a flow state. They're not thinking. Thinking is something we need to figure something out with. So it becomes survival mode. So first off, recognizing that overthinking is something you're doing to survive, to figure things out, to ease tension is a powerful step because you realize that a lot of times Breakthrough comes when? When you let go. You let go of needing to try to figure it out. You let go of thinking. And how do you say, how do you do that? How do you observe your thoughts from a neutral place? You just simply let them be there, not try to control them. That's a big epiphany. Now the other thing is how do you stop overthinking about someone? That someone you're thinking about, you think it's personal. You think it's about them. It's not about them. They represent a pattern to you. They represent a pattern. Maybe you have a story about who they are and you have a story about how you are or who you would be with them, but it's a story. They represent a pattern. When you start to recognize, so the real question is not how do you stop overthinking about someone else? It's how do you stop overthinking about a pattern? First off, you're becoming aware of the pattern and you may have a tendency towards giving away that energy towards trying to fix the pattern. Maybe trying to fix the pattern or the person, trying to think about the person and fix the person is a way of pushing away intimacy. It's a way of not focusing on you and the emotions inside of your body. So it's become a survival mechanism to focus on someone else is a way of neglecting your own needs and of internalizing your own power. So a huge epiphany happens when you start realizing it's a pattern. And when you own the pattern, you own that you have a belief about the pattern. That's where you can really start changing things. You can't change what you don't own. And as long as the story is this person over here is doing this, it's outside of you. Someone says letting go is the hardest lesson for most people. You know what's interesting is letting go, if you believe letting go is hard, letting go will be hard. If you believe letting go can be easy, it will be easy. If you believe changing limiting beliefs is hard, it will be hard. If you believe changing beliefs is easy, it'll be easy. Letting go is not actually hard, by the way. It's your belief that it is hard that maybe is causing that. But what you're really afraid to let go of is the meaning. Letting go is easy. You just have something, you let it go, it drops. It's easy. The reasons why to stay attached are the things that are hard for you to let go of. And the reason that you're attached is 'cause, oh, this thing, I've carried this thing my entire life. Someone in my life gave me this. My grandma, my dad, my mom, they gave me this. I can't let this go. If I let this go, I'm letting that go. I'm letting my loyalty to them go. Who am I to be in more abundance? Who am I to let this go? It's been like a baton where your grandma's grandma, grandma gave your grandma, grandma, grandma this thing. And then that grandma gave the other grandma it. And then that grandma gave it to someone else. And then one grandma gave it to you. And you said, this has been baton passed down in family generations. I can't let this go. I feel guilty. Letting it go is easy, but making the choice to do it because of the guilt, are you gonna let guilt continue to control you? You don't have to. Guilt is a form of control that makes you feel responsible. Letting go can be easy. It's a choice that you make to step into the unknown. Just that if you let go, you're also letting go of the familiar coping strategies you may use, which is control, manipulation. You see? You can let go. Letting go is easy. Yeah, the pen analogy, same thing. If you have a pen, let go, let go of a pen. Do I have a pen? I do have a pen. To let go of a pen. So if you think about it in the form of letting go, letting go is easy. To let go of this pen, what do I do? Just let go. Wow, look how easy that is. Now what happens is, why is it so hard to let go? Well, it's hard to let go because of the story about the pen. It's like this pen was passed down from grandma to grandma to grandma, from my great-great-great-grandma backwards, they passed it down and then my grandma gave me this pen. I would feel so much guilt if I let go of this pen. So what happens is you hold onto the pen and you carry it with you everywhere you go. Of course, this is analogy for ancestral energy that gets passed down. But people say letting go is hard. Letting go is easy. The story as to why you should hold on to the pen is what is quote unquote hard to let go of. But you can let it go. It is easy to let go. The pen is blue. What is that? It's Liar Liar, right? This pen is royal blue. It's a Liar Liar by Jim Carrey movie for those of you who have not seen it. I'm a '90s kid, that's what I, I love that movie. Yeah, what is the story behind what you need to let go of? What is the story behind it? How do you view teenage people's mindset? That's an interesting question. What is the teenage person's mindset? What's an example of a teenage person's mindset? What's the difference between a teenage person's mindset? Teenage years, we're going through a process of wanting to fit in with peers. We're starting to find our clique or the people that we resonate with. It's when you venture out of just the family unit. You know, that's when you normally start to rebel, rebel from the parents. Have your own perspectives. Yeah, yeah, surrender also, that's another good point. So like having, like the energy of when you're having fun and you're enjoying yourself is an energy that when you're in, you attract more synchronicities, more opportunities, and more people into your life that reflect back that fun energy. When things are serious, resistance. You carry a lot of resistance. When you're having fun, more fun synchronicities come into your life. That's why following your passion is so magnetic. Let's see, someone says, how do I stop getting walked all over by everyone my entire life? So if you're getting walked all over by everyone in your entire life, I mean, there's a lot of— within the sentence itself, there's a lot of absolute statements. Everyone. So first off, let me ask you this question: is everyone, literally everyone, walking on you? Everyone is walking on you your entire life, your whole life. You walk around onto the street and people just run over to you and they're like, get on the floor, and they just start walking on you. Is it true? Because if you believe it's true and there's a story that it's true, you're more likely to attract people that will quote unquote metaphorically walk on you. However, the reason they're walking on you partially is because you let them. There is an option towards setting a boundary and not allowing it to happen that may feel scarier than just allowing it to happen. So one of the reasons it's happening is because you're allowing it to happen, but you don't have to allow it to happen. You can set a boundary. You can choose not to be around those people. You can express yourself. But to stop it, what is the payoff? Let me ask you this. What is the payoff you get from other people walking on you? Now, a payoff is something that's like a— it's almost like a subconscious dirty high. It's something you get out of it because you would not be allowing it to happen if there wasn't something you were getting out of it. Now, maybe something you're getting out of it is you're getting to feel like The person that gives, gives, gives at the expense of everyone else. You're the good person that just takes it. You're the good one in the family that's easing the tension for everyone else. Yeah, making others happy. So what happens is there may be a story there that this is the way reality is, and not only that, but there is a the payoff that you get for it. And another payoff that's very common, it's not the sexiest thing to share on social media, but when we are in a victim consciousness, we're thinking people are doing it to us, what happens is we don't have to take ownership. We get to stay in the persecutor, victim, rescuer dynamic. When you're in that, it's a dynamic of codependency. You attract people that are the villain that are walking on you. And then being in victim mode though means you don't have to take responsibility. You get to be right about reality, but you don't have to step into your own power. So one of the ways you stop getting walked over by people in your life is you start to set boundaries and you start to realize why are you even letting people do that? What is the payoff you get from that? And realize you don't have to continue living in that pattern. You can stand up for yourself. You can choose not to be around those people, and by doing so, you take your power back. But become aware of where the story is, because the story is on the inside. We carry the stories with us, and then people play out the stories, and we allow people to play out the stories because we ultimately think that's what we're worthy of. Like, if, if I were to attract someone in my life that began trying to walk on me, I would set a boundary and not be— I wouldn't, I wouldn't even Like first off, I don't think I would even attract that because it's not active in my field. But if somebody had any signs of that whatsoever, that's called a red flag and be like, whoa, I'm not dealing, I don't wanna deal, I'm not gonna deal with this. This is not equal to my identity of what I believe I deserve to have to deal with. So there is a choice not to engage with that energy. But the difference is, is if you find yourself people walking on you, then what happens is you don't see that red flag and you instead say, maybe I need to give, maybe I can fix this person. Maybe if I let this person walk on me, they'll give me validation and approval. Maybe if I let this person walk on me, I'll feel safe, I'll ease their tension. I'm secretly healing mom or dad by abandoning myself for them. Now projecting that onto other people in life. You see the difference? That's how you take your power back. You become aware of these subconscious energies. How long has it been? So anyways, awesome. Also, recently I redid High Vibe 101, which is a free $1,000 course that I have in my free High Vibe Tribe. I redid it. The sections are awareness, letting go, and embodiment. New videos are in there. I reorganized some things. If you haven't checked that out yet, it's in the High Vibe Tribe. It's completely free. You can type in Vibe 101, V-I-B-E 101, in the comments or comment it here or DM me that and you'll get sent the High Vibe Tribe lock-in to check out that new course. I just redid it. Um, and yeah, there's breathwork in there, the frame technique is in there, but also it's the simple transformation process that's way more simple than— it's so simple. Awareness, letting go, letting in, how to do that, how to heal. So that's in there. Anyways, want to thank you all for being here, and as always, I'll see I'll see you on the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste. Now, if you want to learn step by step how to apply the Frame Technique to feel safe in your own reality, to feel confident in your own frame, then I show step by step in a free YouTube video how to apply the Frame Technique. It's a guided meditation process where I explain it along the way. It's a meditation that is very easy to do, requires no meditation experience. So if you want to check out that video, I'm going to go ahead and I put the frame technique right here. Welcome to the frame technique meditation and activation.