DETACH TO ATTRACT: Why Love Comes to You When You "Give Up"

When you attract someone else into your life that you feel love for, they're reflecting back the love that's inside of you. They're not giving you something you don't already have. Does this make sense? They're a reflection. But what a lot of people are doing is they are waiting for the reflection to change. But the reflection can't change because everywhere you go, there you are. Everyone that you meet is gonna be reflecting back whatever energy you have activated in you. So if you want to experience more love in your life, the key is recognizing love, which is in the future? No, it's here now. And this is why presence is one of the most powerful manifestation techniques I believe that is most often overlooked. Because what everyone is trying to do with manifesting is they're trying to escape the present moment right now, right? Because once it comes here in the future, then I can feel good enough, then I'm worthy, then I'm loved. So really, they're robbing themselves from the love and the joy and the peace that is right here and right now, simply because they believe it's somewhere that it's not. It's like when you lose your keys and you look everywhere for it and you can go everywhere looking for it and then realize it's in your pocket. But if you believe that it's somewhere else, you're gonna go everywhere, right? And that's kind of what people are doing when they're looking for love, looking for love, looking for love, right? They're playing the game of looking for love and they're only being reflected back their beliefs, which part of their beliefs may be that they're unlovable, they're not worthy, people always leave. Well, what kind of people are you gonna attract? People that play that dynamic back to you. Does that make sense? You're only gonna get that which is active in your field. So a lot of times I believe when it comes to manifestation, over the years I've made lots of manifestation videos, 8 years on YouTube, my perspectives tend to change as time goes on sometimes. And then people say, you're saying this on your videos now, that doesn't make sense. 3 years ago you said this. I get that sometimes. It's like, yeah, my perspectives can change. I can evolve and kind of have new perspectives. And I'm sure there's a version of me in 5 or 10 years from now that may look at this video and be like, yeah, you know, some of those things you said, I see it differently. And that's okay. We don't have to be attached. But one of them is around manifestation. I think manifestation many times is a very powerful thing, but I think it's really a lot, if you go deeper than the core, if you align to the divine, and you align to God, whatever name or whatever terms you wanna give that, there's something greater that can flow through you than whatever you think you can create from the ego's perspective. A lot of manifestation is done from the ego's perspective, right? I wanna create this because I think that this is what's safe. I think that this is what I want. So I'm gonna visualize this and visualize it and feel it as if it's here now. And then eventually I can experience it. And then I feel safe because I visualized it and now it's here. But really, it's a way of trying to control reality. Does anyone see that? Trying to control the reality, but also the whole entire time you're visualizing, trying to feel it, to then experience it, you're robbing yourself from this moment right here and right now. And maybe if we were to enjoy the present moment more and realize that a lot of the things you want an emotion that may already be in your life. If somebody wants more abundance, for example, more money in abundance, what do you want and why do you want that abundance? Maybe it's for freedom. Maybe it's for security. Whatever that emotion is, well, guess what? You have the ability to focus on areas of your life where you already have that. But you talk yourself out of the story sometimes. You say, well, no, it's not like that though. But you still have the ability right now to maybe go to a park, maybe free to, like, it's funny 'cause a lot of the things that you'd be most excited to do if you had all the money in the world are things that actually are meaningful, are probably maybe even already free, like going to the beach, going to hang out with friends, going for a decent meal, going like, There are things you could do now, whether you say, well, maybe it's not completely free or I gotta pay for parking when I go to the beach, you know, more stuff to talk you out of your freedom, right? We already have an argument about who's, you know, the freedom and the lack of freedom that's there, but in actuality, you're pretty damn free right now. And you can follow your passion and follow the energy and enjoy life now, and by enjoying life now, Eventually, things may shift for you. Eventually, you may find yourself attracted and attracting certain people into your life that reflect back that energy shift. But the thing is, is many times we like to stay stuck in the stories. We don't like to, but it's what's so familiar and we get the payoff. I'm right about reality, right? There's parking that you have to pay for at the beach. The beach is not free, Aaron. Fighting for limitation, right? But ultimately, these energies are already in your life. You're like, well, I want the connective relationship. Well, you probably already have some type of connection in your life somehow, whether it's with an animal, it's with a friend, it's with a family member, it's with the divine, whatever it is. You can focus on a certain area of your life where that's already there, feel more of that, And then see if reality shifts. But the point of what I'm trying to share is that that is the point. Like the point is in the present moment. Do you see? It's like the point is enjoying it now anyways. Yes, the reality may shift. However, what I'm saying is if you just focus here and now, you alleviate a lot of the stuff and a lot of the challenges and a lot of the stuck we've been talking about. Yeah. Right, because control is an ego mechanism we use to get out of the present moment. We say, okay, present moment, when I was a kid, I was in a sandbox playing and then something happened and I couldn't just play. I gotta figure things out now, right? And what happens is we're trying to figure things out. We're trying to predict what could happen in the future. And what happens is we take the burden of what people think. We take the burden of everything in our life. We carry it with us, stressing ourselves out. Because we wanna feel like we're in control. We wanna feel certainty. What is the opposite of certainty? Uncertainty and even variety, even adventure. What if instead of certainty, those of you that maybe find yourself, you say, I'm a control freak or whatever, what if instead of valuing certainty, which is a part of your identity, What if instead you started to value adventure? What if you got, in a way, excited and curious about the unknown? Because ultimately, in the unknown is where all magic happens. And our values make up our identity. And in the past, we decided there was a lot of uncertainty when I was a kid, so I very much value certainty. So, to be certain, I need to control. I need everything to happen the way I want to happen. I need to figure it out so that when the future comes here, it's exactly how I visualize it or it's exactly how I expect it to be. So control, control, control equals resistance, resistance, resistance. But you're not in the present moment trusting the unknown. But also, what if the unknown could be more magical? What if the unknown could be where you experience variety? You experience contrast knowing you can handle it. Whatever comes your way, you can handle it. Think about that. So often we think we can't handle the unknown because of what could come our way, as if we're still some little kid that's gonna be swept out and in a lot of pain. But understand, in the same way that I could have those uncomfortable conversations that I mentioned earlier today and yesterday that I had to have with the authority figure, I was fine. There was a part of me that felt like in the past that would've been scary. Who knows what's gonna happen? But ultimately, you can handle it. If there's tension, you can handle it. If you step into the unknown, you can handle it. And maybe in that tension, what we describe or interpret as tension is the permission for you to realize that you've changed. It creates the pressure that is embodying the new you. So the thing to become aware of is what is your inner self-image? How do you see yourself and who are you being? Because how you think, feel, and act is in direct proportion to how you see yourself. And there's certain things that you may have resistance doing because you don't see yourself as that type of person. Does this make sense? So there could be something that you step into Maybe you saw yourself as the lone wolf single person for a very long time. You've always identified as being that one in the friend group, or that it's safer to be at home alone in your room than it is to be around other people where you could get some form of relational trauma. But guess what? That may also trickle back to childhood where you felt more safe inside your room, where it was safe and there was no tension and you didn't bother anyone and you were being seen and not heard. There's a subconscious identity there that may be keeping you trapped where you are. So the power in this is becoming aware of what identities and labels have maybe you attached to that are keeping you in the current reality you're in. And if you could let that go by realizing it served you up until this point, maybe it served you to get to where you are now, but maybe you can let it go and let something new in. Very often as well, what can happen is there's a story or an identity about around being the one who needs healing, the one doing all the healing work. Look at all this, all the trauma that I'm looking at, all the inner child work I'm doing, all of this stuff. And what happens is people stay trapped in that identity. They stay trapped looking like with the Sherlock Holmes, like magnifying glass into their childhood for every little thing. And they keep finding more and more things. But what happens is that identity maybe keeps you infusing, looking for things that are wrong. So maybe it served a purpose to get you on this path of spiritual awakening, But at the same time, maybe it's holding you back from being the most healed version of you, the one version of you that you accept inside of yourself. So there's like a new potential for connecting to a new version of you. And it can be scary letting go of the old 'cause it's brought you familiarity for so long. It's kept you safe in the known, whether that safe in the known is, being the single person, whether the safe and the known is working a 9-to-5 job that feels safe. One of the biggest shifts that I had back in 2017 when I first got on YouTube is I realized, actually back in 2012 was when I first read the book "Psycho-Cybernetics." How many of you have heard of that book? Very powerful book on the inner self-image. What I realized working at Nordstrom's and women's shoes is every single day I went into work, I saw myself as an average shoe employee or whatever, getting paid a sales commission job. Every day I went in, I said, what is my self-image? Well, subconsciously, I just expect every day to go in to see myself at the middle of the list from the top salespeople from the day before. So there was a list from the top salesperson down to the bottom salespeople. I was always right in the middle. Wasn't at the top, wasn't at the bottom. I said, oh, this is my self-image. So what I started to eventually do is I started to embody the energy of the top-selling version of myself. And I realized some unique differences. I noticed that the top-selling version of me greeted every customer 'cause I was selling women's shoes, like sales commission jobs. So I'd greet every customer. That was one thing I noticed the top-selling version of me did. Some people I worked with would profile and only pick customers that they thought were gonna buy. Different mentality. No, that version of me greets every customer. That version of me goes above and beyond. That version of me is not afraid to show extra shoes that they didn't even ask for. 'Cause sometimes that was like a, bring people tension. You're supposed to bring out 3 or 4 other options than what they wanted. And it'd be, some people would be afraid to do that, but that's part of your job. Well, then I'd start doing that. I would start, I'd go above and beyond. And after I sold them the shoe, I would like wrap it nicely in tissue and bring it around the counter to them, putting just a little bit extra energy into it. That little extra energy was after the sale. Didn't really make a difference on making more money, but it did because it changed my self-image. That was like, I do this because I go above and beyond. I do this because I'm a top salesperson. And within a very short period of time, I started to be towards the top of that list. And that always stuck in the back of my mind. And then eventually, I wanted to be on YouTube making videos. And what I realized is I thought to myself again, hey, well, if this works at that 9 to 5 job, what is my current self-image? Well, it's that I work a 9-to-5 job selling women's shoes now at Barney's instead of Barney's New York, which is like a higher-end store instead of Nordstrom's. But I realized that that was my self-image. So what if instead of that, I changed my self-image to being a full-time YouTuber? What would the full-time YouTuber version of Aaron think, feel, and act? How would that, what skills would that version of me learn? So what I started to do is I started to embody that energy. I started to, I made a video every single day for an entire, for just, and then things started to grow. I just knew that if I made a video a day for a year, my life would transform. And I started to embody that energy. And within 3 to 6 months, I had 100,000 followers on YouTube, put in my 2 weeks at Barney's New York. And ended up then learning other aspects of the business and it took on a whole new life. But I used that same, like basically the intention behind what I'm sharing right now with all of you is become aware of what your inner self-image is and understand that in your life right now, you are getting a reflection of what that inner self-image is. If it's that you work a 9 to 5 job, well, you have a self-image that says I'm a 9 to 5 job goer. Is this making sense? It can be a subconscious thing, but it can also be very conscious because it's existing all around you. So what you do is you become aware of these energies, you become aware of what that is, and you can see that some of these dynamics might be alive because it feels familiar to the past. So what I realized is that that 9-to-5 job selling women's shoes, there were corporate politics, there were managers that got away with stuff and they could talk however they wanted to people and they were like controlling. Well, guess what? What does that sound familiar to? The childhood growing up, right? Things aren't fair. You have to suck up to get like the schedule that you want. Very similar to childhood. If you wanted to go to the school activity or something, you better be really good, walking on eggshells. Very similar energy. So what's interesting about this is maybe the current reflection you have in your life is the perfect configuration of things that allow you to feel familiar energy. And it does take courage to let go. And the fear, like when I let go of that 9 to 5 job, yes, I was making YouTube videos at the time and I already developed some momentum, but there was still fear around this. What if it doesn't work out? What if I'm being careless by letting go of this job? What if the YouTube channel doesn't continue to grow? These were all fears that I had and they were there, but I still made the choice to ultimately do it, knowing that I have to trust the vision. So part of this process is recognizing that you're getting a current payoff from some of these things. The payoff I was getting is I got a paycheck every single week at Barneys New York. We got paid weekly, so it was like I get a weekly check. Even though it was a job where I didn't like the dynamics that were there, it felt familiar. Complain about the schedule is like complaining about the stepmom growing up, right? Complaining about the managers that got away with everything because they were protected by like corporate politics and stuff, very similar. But what I eventually realized is I used the pain, I used the pain to motivate me to commit to a new vision. So what you can do right now is you can use an energy to make a new choice about who you are and shift and commit to a new version of yourself, or you can let things get worse and worse and worse until you have no choice. So which one would you prefer, right? So what I eventually chose to do was, I actually, one of the determining factors of this was I got pulled up to the office working at Barney's New York in women's shoes where it was very slow and corporate politics stuff. I had the HR manager, the store manager, and the department manager were inside this room. It was called the situation room. And what happened, it was like literally it was called the situation room at the job. I was like, what an interesting name, right? So we go into the situation room, and what happened was it was a very slow working there. Every year retail was dying more and more. And what would happen is sometimes we wouldn't see a customer for like 3 hours. So we're just sitting on the floor for like 3 hours with no one there. So what we would do is we'd take turns going back and forth, being on the cell phones. So I was on my cell phone in the back when there were no customers, but there was a sales guy on the floor. We were taking turns. And what happened was they decided all of a sudden to crack down on cell phones. Like all of a sudden they decided to do this, even though most people made their money through their cell phones. So I get pulled up to the office and I get told that we want you to watch something. And what they cast onto this projector screen in the situation room is a video of me on my phone. Literally, there's a video camera going down in the back room and you can see what I'm scrolling on my phone. I was on Instagram. So what happened is I'm sitting there with 3 adults and I'm sitting there with them. And after about a minute of this video playing with me on my phone, I was like, okay, I get the point. So I was like, if you guys are gonna write me up, you can write me up. I get it. And they said, we want you to continue watching it. They wanted it to sink in. So they're like, we want you to continue watching it. So after another 30 seconds, imagine silence and you're sitting there with 3 adults watching what you're going through on your Instagram, on your phone, right? It's very demeaning. So I'm sitting there and after another 30 seconds, I said, I get the point, you can write me up or I'm walking out of the office, I'm not sitting here like this. So what they ended up doing is they said, okay, and they wrote me up and I was told if I got my phone again, I'd get like, you know, another strike and I'd be out. That experience, was so demeaning of how I felt that I decided in that moment that one day soon, I will work for myself. One day soon, I will work for myself so that no one can talk to me like that again. So what I ended up doing was shortly after that, committing to daily videos on YouTube. So what I'm saying with this is you can make a new choice about who you are and let that drive you because of a bigger purpose, but also what is the pain if you stay in the same identity and the same familiar emotion you've been in for so long? What is the pain? Like, imagine I was working that 9 to 5 job, looking around, and every coworker I had was 20 or 30 years older than me. I could look, that was my future. I'm working with people By the way, all of them except for 2 people in my department hated their job. The 2 people that loved their job, what can you guess about them? They were top salespeople. The top salespeople were the people that actually liked selling shoes, interestingly enough. So there's nothing wrong with selling women's shoes, but it wasn't my passion. But I got clear with myself and said, if I stay here, this is what my life is gonna be in 10, 15, 20 years, working a job I don't like, like some of my coworkers that don't like their job, but they do it because that's what they know how to do. So in an interesting way, with some of the patterns maybe you have, you can visualize what would life look like if I stayed in this pattern a year from now, 2 years from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now. And you can start to see that that brings pain because unfortunately in our reality, pain is a bigger driver of motivation sometimes than just the pleasure of living the high life, the high vibe lifestyle. Both can work, by the way. You can, the high vibe way of just focusing on what you love, you can follow that. It's one way to do it. I used and leveraged the pain of where I was to make a new choice about who I was. And that gave me a strong mission and a strong purpose. So what I'm saying with everything here is sometimes we will stay in similar patterns until we're aware of what those patterns are and until we're aware of what those consequences are if we stay in them for long enough. So begin to become aware of what some of those patterns might be for you. What if simply from this point going forward, you committed to the future version of you that exists right now? What if you committed to it? What if, if anything you get out of this live event is if you were to commit to one action or one thing you do every single day or one way you are being every single day, your life would transform over time, but it won't transform within 2 or 3 days maybe, but with consistency, it will. So one thing I always recommend at live events is committing to a daily meditation practice of feeling as if the things are already in your life that you want to experience, feeling it as if it's already here. Because ultimately inside the quantum field, based on the emotion you are feeling, based on the energy that's active inside of you, you are attracting people, synchronicities, and opportunities into your life that are a reflection of the energy that's activated. Now, we've been primed to believe that we can only feel those emotions if the external shifts. But in fact, the external doesn't shift until we shift the emotion inside of ourself. Does this make sense? So moving forward, having a meditation practice of meditating on mind and heart coherence of feeling it as if it's already here. Now, the way that I do this is every night when I go to bed, as I'm drifting off to sleep, I am visualizing and feeling as if I already am the version of myself that I choose to be. And remember, the visualization isn't the thing that has to come to fruition. It's a symbol for emotions that I can allow myself to feel, and that emotion feels good. And that's the anchor point. It's the emotion, not just the visualization. So every night what I do is I feel that as I drift off to sleep. Now, when we talk about brainwave states, we've got these different brainwave states where when we were a kid, we were primarily in, like a baby, we were primarily in theta state. Anyone ever heard of theta brainwave state? Theta brainwave state is when you're a baby, you're just absorbing the information all around you. You're developing these beliefs about the world. You're taking on the beliefs of your parents. And from 0 to 6, you're mainly in theta state. Around 6, 7, 8 years old, you start moving into alpha state. Then you're going from theta to alpha. Alpha is still kind of a meditative state, more relaxed state. When you're watching television, you might be in alpha state, which is why television kind of reprogram you into certain beliefs. But then around puberty, you start getting into more beta brainwave state. This is the conscious awareness state where it's more alert. And around this stage, is where day-to-day activities, when we're not just completely in that relaxed, more state, we might be more in beta state. And then from then onwards, we're mainly in beta and alpha. Now what happens is if we want to transform our life, and most of our life is ran by our subconscious mind, most of our beliefs were created over here in theta. So what happens is the theta state we can get to even though we were 0 to 6 years old. That's why I think also inner child healing, inner child meditations can be so powerful because you're literally going to when you created all these beliefs and everything. But what happens is meditation allows you to get into that state. Now, meditation, guided meditation can get you into a theta state. Every single night when you go to bed, you drift from beta to alpha to theta state. So that 30 minutes before you go to bed, you are drifting. And that's why Neville Goddard, anyone ever heard of Neville Goddard? He talks a lot about the feeling is the secret. His number one technique that people swear by is as you're going to bed at night, feel it as if you already are this version of you. Visualize it and feel it as if it's here now. And drift off to sleep in it. And then when you wake up in the morning, guess what? You're moving from theta to alpha to beta state. So the first 30 minutes of your day and the last 30 minutes of your day is some of the most powerful times for you to reprogram your subconscious mind. When you're waking up in the morning, you're moving from alpha or you're moving from theta to alpha to beta state. And when you're going to bed at night, you're moving from beta to alpha to theta state. So that 30-minute window is when you can visualize and feel the gratitude for what you want to experience in your life right now. And doing this every single day begins to have an effect on your energy field. And imagine you charging this inside of your field and then you're going out into the world, you're finding new synchronicities, new opportunities that resonate with the field you are priming. And anything you do daily grows in your field over time. You guys following? What you do every single day, like me making a video every day, completely transformed my life. Because when I made a video every day, I did it every day. So after a day, 2 days, 30 days, not a huge difference in my lifestyle, but after that, it just kept going, just kept going. That dominant frequency of me making videos allowed me to let go of my 9-to-5 job eventually because it became my dominant reality. So when it comes to this process of manifestation, creating this future you, It's not about trying to get what you want and focusing on what you want because what you want, you lack. It's focusing on who you are being. What emotions are you feeling? What beliefs do you have? How are you showing up? How do you treat other people? And when you start to embody it now, you start to experience new synchronicities instead of waiting for your future self. 'Cause what a lot of people do is they wanna, connect to their future self, their future self, which is not here now, which is not here now, which is not here now. And once I have all these things in my life, then I'll feel good enough, then I'll feel connected, then I'll feel love. But guess what we end up doing? It's always in the future. So by the time it gets here, it's almost like what we've experienced right now in our life is like an echo of the past. It's the echo of the past decisions we've made about who we are. So what happens is if we want to change the frequency we're tuned to, we have to make a new choice about who we are now, trusting that we're not gonna see the echo right away, right? You guys following? The echo, because what we've experienced now, there was a certain time in our past when we decided this is who I am, this is what I'm capable of. And then what we experience now is a reflection of that. But we have to make the choice now about who we are and the emotions we choose to feel, and then trust in the vision. We don't understand and need to figure it out right now, but there's an echo. And if every single time you make a shift, you're looking into the mirror to see a new reflection, but you're checking the mirror to see if you've changed, it's going about it backwards. The mirror reflection changes when you change. One of the most powerful videos for you to watch next is a video that I actually did of a clip at a live event in Los Angeles. I show the difference between empath and narcissist energetically. I talk about how to actually heal as an empath, what's really going on on the inside, and I show you step by step how you can transform your life from the inside out as an empath. This is one of my most popular videos that I've done. It's also from a live event with over 200 people in the crowd. It was an awesome energy, and I'm gonna go ahead and put it right here. People that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side of the spectrum.