do NOT set goals for 2023 (do THIS instead)

Instead of saying for 2023, I want to attract a relationship, instead set the intention to feel more love. Instead of saying that you want to attract money or a higher paying job, instead say I wanna feel more security or I intend to feel more security and freedom within myself. You see what happens a lot of times when people set New Year's resolutions or they set goals is the goals are set something that is an external thing. And the thing is, the way reality works is what we experience on the outside is simply a reflection of what we feel on the inside. And if instead of focusing on the external, which of course it's like reality's like a mirror, reality's reflecting back the expression you're putting out. Instead of saying, I want to attract a smiling reflection for 2023, then you say instead, I want to smile, I wanna feel happy in 2023. And then naturally the outer reflection of life will begin to reflect that. One of the biggest challenges people have with setting goals, think about it, people set goals for 2023 or whatever year. What they do is if you go to the gym January 1st, Crazy busy. Everyone's signing up. Everyone is setting new habits. Habits are surface level. So what they do is they set a new habit to go to the gym. They go for a month. And then what happens is in February, there's less people there than there were in January. And then by March, it's much easier. It's, it's nor— back to normal where most of those people have fallen off. Now, why is that? Because habits, aren't identity and don't come from a place of presence. So habits are things that you do when at the deeper core level, there's a way that you are. And if you are somebody that has the identity of being out of shape, somebody that has the identity of having a slow metabolism or whatever the identity is, the stories that we tell ourself are what we naturally act in accordance and in alignment to. So something that's very important is understanding that habits are surface level and stem from a place of identity. Now the thing is, is when it becomes easy to go to the gym is when it's natural for you to go to the gym because it's a part of who you are. This is like an analogy I've used before, but it's super simple. If you go to, like the first time I ever went to Bikram yoga, back in like 20, I don't even remember, 2015 maybe. I go to yoga and they tell you, you don't just come once, you need to come for a week to get a full benefit to understand what Bikram yoga is. And you're in this hot 130-degree or 120-degree sauna type thing with mirrors and you're going through this process, you're sweating like crazy, it's like 90 minutes. And by the end of it, You feel a certain way and they say, you need to come for a week. So then you come the next day and then you come the next day and then eventually you're like, I'm not gonna keep renting someone else's sweaty yoga mat. I'm gonna buy a yoga mat. So you buy a yoga mat and then something kind of switches in your brain. You're like, oh, now I have this yoga mat. I'm a yoga person. Some people may then go to like buy expensive yoga clothes like Lululemon or something. That's what I did. I went and bought, I was like, I'm a yoga person now. I'm gonna go and buy these like really overly priced pants that were for yoga. And I realized afterwards pants weren't the right way to go. I should've just bought shorts. But I bought these big baggy Lululemon pants and then I wore those. And then my identity started, I'm like, wait, maybe this yoga life is for me. So then I did that and that was a part of my identity for a period of time. I don't really do yoga that much anymore, but for the psychology behind it is once you go consistently for like a week or two, you start to take on the sense of identity of it. But what a lot of people do is they set intentions not from the core, they set intentions and habits which are these outer things that aren't really who you are at your core. And a lot of what we've been doing in our lives is we search for things on the outside and we believe as well, there's a story that if I get the relationship, if I get the job, if I get the number in my bank account, then I can be happy. And the thing is, is that puts so many expectations and so many rules that it's less likely that we are gonna feel happy. And the antidote or the solution to this is actually having less rules as to what it takes for you to feel happy. Michael Singer in the book, "The Surrender Experiment," or in the book, what's it called? "The Untethered Soul," would call this opening and closing. Our hearts are either open and we feel love because we are love and we let every interaction with every person in our life be an expression of that love because we don't say, in order for me to feel love, you have to be my significant other, you need to be in a committed relationship with me, you need to be this, you need to be this, you need to be this. And as you let go of those rules and you let love be who you are, you can then be open around anybody. You can have an open heart around somebody that you're talking to at the gym or you're talking to at the grocery store, at your work. You can let yourself open and have less rules as to when you close. And a lot of times the difference between opening and closing is based on our past social conditioning. Not even social conditioning, parental dynamics conditioning. Imagine that there's someone in your life that anytime they wear like a denim jacket, let's say somebody in your family when you were younger wore a denim jacket a lot and you have a lot of negative connotations with that denim jacket. Maybe they would pick on you or they would gaslight you. Then what happens is you're in daily life and someone else comes into the room that's wearing a denim jacket. You may not even understand why, but you might feel a certain way. You might close immediately because that association reminds you of the person that used to treat you a certain way growing up. So what happens is there's a closing that happens. And the transformation that I've learned more than ever over the last month or two is to actually lean into those situations to become aware of them, to lean into uncomfortable emotions and let life Be something you can surrender to in 2023 where you can lean into your emotions, lean into what your triggers even, and as you accept them and as you feel them, you clear it from your energetic field. Let me give you an example of this. This is one of my biggest epiphanies for 2022 was realizing that a lot of times when I would develop a story have this drama around these things happen in life and how things need to be different, I would then recognize that my story is something I'm energetically attached to because it's helping distract me from a deeper core emotion. So for example, let's say, and this is something that I actually had to go through energetically, where I would get triggered if people would show up late. 10, 15, 20 minutes late. You said you're gonna be there at 1 and you showed up at 1:20, 1:30. And when that would happen, I'd get so triggered. I'd feel like, oh, these people don't value my time. I'd feel like there's this deeper story I would develop where people just aren't consistent, they aren't in integrity. And there was this big story where I'd get all acted up about it, especially 2 or 3 years ago. I had this guy that would work on, he was like a handyman who was awesome, but he was just so late all the time. And I would be getting ready to like go to the gym and I'm like, okay, can I set you up with what you gotta do? And then I'm gonna go to the gym. And what time you gonna be here? And he'd be like, I was like, can you show up at 1? He said, yes, show up at 1. And by 1:30, 2, 2:30, 3, he still wouldn't be there. And I'm like, I wanna go to the gym. But then what would happen is I developed this big story and then I'd get mad about it. And I'm like realizing that there was this pattern where I would get so addicted to the story and to the drama of it At any time I could have just hired somebody else or I could have just accepted it or something like that. But what I realized is that reflection came and stems from a level of feeling abandoned, somebody not showing up. And while I can get tied to the story and I can get angry about it, I can realize that there's also this, there is a moment between 0 and 7 or maybe many moments where somebody said they were gonna do something and it didn't get done. Somebody said they were gonna show up and they didn't show up. A feeling of abandonment. So I can lean into that and say, "Oh, the story, the addiction to the drama, all of this stuff in outer reality that's not conforming to the rules I have to what I can feel happy." Or I can lean into that and let that be a trigger for me to actually lean into and accept the emotions of what that feels like. And not avoid the emotion. Not that every little thing is like, oh my God, someone showed up 10 minutes late, abandonment. Not saying that, but in general, instead of getting tied to the story and the outer reality that's not conforming to how you want it to be, what I've learned from 2022 and what I'm bringing into 2023 is a new level of depth. We're realizing all the outer reality is is reflecting back to me the inner reality I feel. And a lot of times the negative experience that we attract in our life is simply unprocessed childhood emotion that we haven't allowed ourself to feel. So if something happens where you feel betrayed, that's just something that happened to me earlier in the year where there was this feeling of betrayal and kind of like a shocking experience that brought that all up. And in that betrayal, there was this addiction to the story. This person did this, It was wrong and this is how I feel about it. And I was getting so tied up with the story and so tied up with everything. But then eventually what I realized is I can be grateful for the experience because it helped me tap into the initial core, which was between 0 and 7 years old and feeling that betrayal, feeling that abandonment. So instead of making it about the story of this person did this to me, I was grateful. And I am grateful that this happened because it helped me to get deeper into my own sense of what love is. I realize that I may have attracted this because one of the ways that I thought about love was a lot of times we have these imprints of what love is that stem from what we believe love was when we were a kid. So if love as a kid meant inconsistency and emotional unavailability, we will attract that into our lives something may happen that proves to us the same notion that we had when we were a kid. Oh, it means I'm not worthy, I'm abandoned, I'm not worth sticking with, you know, someone staying around for, instead of realizing that the reason that energy is there and that relationship there is to reflect back the unprocessed emotion from childhood, from 0 to 7 years old. So in 2023, what I recommend you do is you become aware of this energy and you lean into it. You allow yourself to feel it. It's interesting, but when you feel it, you heal it. When you allow yourself to integrate that emotion and you feel it, it leaves your body, it leaves your field. But when you get addicted to the story and the drama, you keep the energy alive and you keep the responsibility outside of yourself. The truth is all outer is a reflection of the inner. And if we take responsibility for what we feel and the things that have happened and the emotion we felt and we allow ourselves to feel it, we then begin to let that energy dissolve. So if you keep attracting certain relationships into your life that you don't, it's like a different face but the same energy, something to do is to actually feel into processing the emotion from childhood, processing the emotion from maybe a past relationship. Let reality show you where your work is, where your ability to transform is, because anything you experience in your life can be a, leverage into a new you. And some of the most painful experiences of 2023 for me, 2022 for me, have led me to my biggest epiphanies and my biggest levels of depth. So leaning into this energy is so powerful and taking on the values you want to bring in for 2023 is gonna be so important. For me, it's always been somewhat similar to vulnerability. The more I'm vulnerable, the more vulnerability and the more I lean into that energy, the more the shame goes away 'cause that's the cure to shame and feeling I'm broken broken is to actually open up your heart. Takes vulnerability to step into the new. It takes vulnerability to ask that person out. It takes vulnerability to show the real you to the world. And then also courage, having the courage to step into the new, having the courage to feel emotions that are uncomfortable. In 2023, for me, I would normally in January, I'd be doing some big 21-day challenge, which would make a whole bunch of abundance and all this stuff. And I'm intentionally not doing it this year 'cause that's what my old identity, the old version of me would do. Instead, I'm running live events and I'm finally doing it, planning live events. I think end of January will be my first one of the year and then I'm just gonna do them as consistently as I feel. But I feel like I need to get into this new energy and I have to have courage to do that. And the key is knowing that as you expand that sense of identity, your identity is in a way your comfort zone. And if I realize that for a long time I viewed myself as a YouTuber, so I'd make videos on YouTube and that's pretty much it. And then I would do online stuff, but everything was virtual. I realize I'm bored with that and I want to expand and I wanna expand into doing live events and record that and put that on YouTube. But I wanna like expand that and then my, that will become my new, eventually live events will be my comfort zone. You will see it in like a year or two from now, you will see me doing live events and that will be my comfort zone. That'll be just like, who I am and what I do. And the key is making that choice for yourself of what that is. What is your current comfort zone? How can you expand it and trust the unknown? And how can you focus more on your internal reality of how you feel, letting outer reality be the leverage point and the pivot point into the present moment, into feeling what comes up, and to not distracting yourself with the story of what everything else has happened in the world, and then from there, allowing yourself to really feel into that, knowing that as you do, it transforms absolutely everything. Now, one of the most powerful videos to watch next after this has to do with the 6 things you can do to completely transform your identity for this year. I made this video for 2022. It's just a step-by-step process. It will apply to 2023. Here's the 6 steps to completely transform your life. This episode, I'm gonna show you the 6 steps that you can use to completely transform your life in 2022. I'm sure you've noticed 2021 has been a massive year of shadow work, a massive year of letting go. And the challenge is that