In this self‑help video Aaron Doughty outlines three core "shifts" that he claims will make a person more confident, attractive, and able to draw love into their life. The first shift is embracing vulnerability – openly expressing one’s true self, desires, and flaws rather than hiding behind a "nice‑guy" façade. Doughty shares personal dating stories to illustrate how fear of rejection limited his connections and how deliberately asking people out and being clear about romantic intent increased his success. The second shift is cultivating a personal vision that extends beyond the relationship, thereby avoiding self‑abandonment and the "abandonment wound" that stems from childhood neglect. He describes a live‑shift experience in Austin where participants performed absurd public challenges (e.g., the "purple ferret" scavenger hunt) to break comfort‑zone patterns, noting that stepping into the unknown creates magnetic energy. The third shift combines dropping judgment of potential partners and releasing attachment to outcomes; by focusing on fun, presence, and connection rather than a checklist or future validation, one appears less needy and more attractive. Throughout, Doughty emphasizes owning quirks and insecurities, treating them as strengths. The video concludes with a promotion for a 21‑day "Confident Love Challenge" (July 1‑21) and a call to watch a related video for deeper wiring of these ideas.
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The 3 characteristics I share with you in this video will make you more attractive, will completely change the way people perceive you because you have changed the way you see yourself. So in this video, I'm gonna show you the 3 shifts that change everything, and let's get into it right now. When it comes to being attractive, there are qualities that will either repel love from coming to you and literally push it away. And there are things that you do that are magnetic, that literally create a magnetic attraction to you. And the first one when it comes to this, and the biggest block I see in so many people, is this one quality, and that is the ability to go into your wounds, also known as vulnerability. Now, this doesn't mean just crying about and like expressing things like right when you meet someone that are your most vulnerable things. I mean, it can if it's authentic, I guess. But in general, vulnerability is the ability to express yourself and show the real you. I know in my own past, there was years where I wasn't very vulnerable. And what would end up happening is I would meet people, I would actually like wanna date someone, I'd go on a date with someone and then I would decide or choose that I wouldn't show different aspects of myself because I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid of not being accepted. I was afraid of not feeling worthy. And what I would do is I would then sometimes even, there was like a nice guy personality that I had to shed because it was something that I adopted from my dad. And I would almost, like hold back from showing sexual interest in some woman I was dating. And the challenge with that is that I can remember clearly many times when I would be dating someone and like 2 or 3 months into it, it was like they were kind of like waiting, like why isn't he pursuing me or making it very known that he's interested in me in this way? So what ended up happening is that I have these like a lot of friends and a lot of friendships but I wasn't actually being authentic with what my desires were, which would've been to date somebody. And that lack of vulnerability, that lack of putting myself out there in that way would have me either attracting people that weren't really interested, or it would have me just having people that were just in this limbo state of, does maybe he just doesn't like me, or maybe he doesn't wanna date me. And one of the things I've noticed for many people, whether it's the people-pleasing mentality whether it's the nice guy mentality, is if there's a lack of willingness to put yourself out there, the real you, then that will block love from coming into your life. And it is actually more attractive to be vulnerable because to be vulnerable and to share with other people the real you, even if that means you could get rejected, it creates a bold, it requires a level of courage. It requires a level of tenacity and persistence in a way as well. And many people that maybe have trouble, like one thing you could do to attract love that is attractive is to firmly grounded in yourself, go out and even ask somebody out, whether you're a female or a male or whatever your sexual orientation is. If you put yourself out there and you are energetically setting yourself up to be in different situations where you could actually meet someone, you increase the likelihood of actually attracting love. There are many people that may be inside that of, inside their houses thinking and then not wanting to get online dating and just like, just like sitting in their house and they're wondering when it's gonna happen. And it literally won't happen unless you get vulnerable and put yourself out there. I know with my girlfriend now, when I first met her, I made it very clear to her that I was interested in, with her more, not as just friends. We weren't just gonna learn some spiritual ideas, you know, and like talk about the universe. Now, we were gonna do that too, but like there was also an intention of a sexual attraction there. And I made that very clear from the very beginning, which also led to me leading, which allowed her to then relax and also to be kind of led in a way. And she said it was actually, she said to me many times, it was actually very attractive that I was like that with her. So with this, I will promise you, and there was a big block that I had for a long time with dating because I wouldn't put myself out there and lead. And what I found is that once I started actually being vulnerable and putting myself out there and not being afraid of rejection, knowing that if I do get rejected, it's like, it doesn't necessarily have to do with me not being worthy. It just may not resonate or it may not be an actual fit. So it's actually, information that's good. But as I started to have the courage to do that, I'm telling you, I had so many more people as dating potentials and I had so many more things come into my life from that moment going onwards. So vulnerability is attractive and vulnerability will help you to attract love in a way that you can't even imagine. Now, another thing I'll say about this, and the second thing that you can do, the quality that you can have that will change everything is having a vision in your life that you are moving towards that doesn't necessarily have to do with the relationship. So a lot of times people, when they're attracting love, they want the relationship, they want the person, and because they want it, they also lack it, 'cause anything you want, you're saying I don't have. So you're saying I want, I want, I want, it means I don't have, I don't have, I don't have. But also they put so much energy in the relationship bucket in their life that they forget about themselves, they abandon themselves. And that's honestly the key and one of the cures to the biggest abandonment wound that will block love for you, the biggest wound that will block love to you, which is the abandonment wound. Because if you're afraid of being vulnerable, it was probably because maybe you had emotionally or physically abandoning parents growing up where they physically or emotionally abandoned you. And then you made a choice and a meaning that said, I'm not worthy, there's something wrong with me. And then what happens is normally we abandon ourselves to make other people happy, which is not, sexually attractive to abandon yourselves and to have like a lack of boundaries to like make everybody else pleased because then it's not being really vulnerable. It's being who I want everyone else to be versus being who I came here to be. Now, another aspect of this that I recommend, I just got done doing a 3-day live shift experience. It finally happened and it happened here in Austin, Texas. And part of the event was I share a little bit about these things I used to do, this little scavenger hunt that I went on. Where I had to get outta my old identity and with a couple friends of mine, my friend Rebecca and a couple other friends, and I went out in public and I did things that were almost kind of ridiculous, but like completely outside of my comfort zone that helped me rewire my identity. One of them was actually I had to go to like a store, a Natural Grocers in Sedona, and convince two people that I lost my purple ferret and asked them to help me find it. And I had to help them, they had to help me for like 5 minutes to try to find my purple ferret. And I did this and it was like, I remember just in my head about it, walking up and down the aisles and then I just decided to finally go for it. And when I went for it, I got into state, I was having fun with these two ladies and they loved it. At the end they wanted photos and they thought it was the coolest thing ever and they're gonna tell, I knew they were gonna tell their grandkids about it and stuff. That's what they told me at least, they're gonna tell it, they were super excited to share that with their family. And it was this thing where like you get outta your own comfort and you realize how much you care about what other people think of you. But as you get into this energy of the unknown, magic happens. I watched 80 people at my live event go out into the world to do these challenges in groups of 4, and they came back so magnetic and so alive with so many breakthroughs. And it's because they committed to getting into the unknown. And I'm telling you, the more you step out of the known, the known is what you think, feel, and act, it's on autopilot, the more you step out of that, the more you're then gonna be in the unknown, the more magic can actually happen. And when I did that with my friend Rebecca back in Sedona, like a year or two ago, everywhere we went, people were attracted to our energy because it was so different. It was like a pattern interrupt. So don't be afraid also to own your weird. Own your weird. If I was afraid of people thinking I'm a nerd because I'm a Harry Potter nerd, If I was like self-conscious of this, it's not attractive. I'm like, oh, you don't like Harry Potter? It's, I mean, it's just this thing I like. I liked it from childhood. I just have emotional connection to it, blah, blah, blah. But I don't have to explain myself. If I'm like, yes, I like Harry Potter. I think it's the dopest movies ever. That's what I believe. Most likely that's gonna be attractive, at least to the right people, but also just 'cause I own it. Own your insecurities. It's attractive. If you feel like, oh, I have a freckle right here and I have this thing on my eyebrow and it just makes me, and remember, people feel what you feel. If you are self-conscious about it, they will feel that off of you. If you own it, that's attractive. So own your insecurities and feature your flaws. The things you perceive as your flaws, you can feature them and own them. And that alone is attractive. So the third thing and the third process of this that I wanna share is a mix of two things. There was a moment when I made the choice and it's kind of similar to the first one, vulnerability, but there was a moment I remember before I attracted Heather into my life, it was, I made the choice to open my heart. I made the choice to put myself out there, but I made the choice to stop judging also other people. I know this sounds interesting, but I realized I had this thing where I had this such a high standard with who I could date. And it was like all of these characteristics and all these things. And I would block out so many people because there was like this subconscious judgment that I would have where it's like somebody had to be, they had to be into spirituality, had to do this, they had to do that. And I was talking to friends about this yesterday 'cause I have a friend who met somebody that like she really likes. And there's like these different characteristics that this guy has. It's like perfect. but there's like, I can see that there's like one or two little things that she's a little bit iffy about, but it's like, I can also see that we have this checklist in our mind of what we need or want, and it ends up sometimes I think being an emotional availability block because then it keeps us single. It's a self-sabotage thing. It's like, well, can't you just have it all? Instead of having sometimes stereotypical like characteristics, like, oh, he's gotta be this tall exactly, he's gotta have this kind of job and make this monthly income and all these things. Focus on the qualities and how you would feel in a relationship that maybe is very safe. And the thing is, is as you focus on those qualities, you open up the universe because you're not having a checklist. Sometimes that a checklist is, a self-sabotage block that keeps you single. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have standards, but it does mean to become aware that the more judgments you have that you're putting out, the more you will meet people that are also very picky. And I had to drop my judgments. And the other side of this as well that I did that changed everything, by the way, is I started letting go of outcome. I realized I was so attached to outcome of how dates went, of what people thought about me, that it would keep my energy resistant. But the more I let go of outcome and the more I was having fun in the moment, the more things would just smooth and the more attractive I could tell people were perceiving of my energy. And it's because I was in the moment. I wasn't trying to get their approval in the future. I wasn't worrying about the past or tying myself to that. I was in the present moment. And when people are going on a date because they wanna enjoy themselves is very different than going on a date because you want someone to sleep with you or you want their validation. Go out with the intention of having fun. Go out with the intention of connecting to other people. Go, that changes everything. When you change your intention, people feel your intention. And if your attention is tied to an outcome, it appears needy. It resists the energy. When your intention and attention is tied to just having fun in the moment and enjoying the process, it's attractive. These things change everything. Now, something I'm gonna be doing brand new, it's one of the first times I'm ever announcing this, is a 21-day Confident Love Challenge. So if you wanna attract love, if you wanna be the most confident version of yourself, if you're in a relationship or single, this will help you to remove the blocks to you being the most confident you to feeling more connective love boundaries and connection within yourself. If you wanna join this, it's gonna be July 1st through July 21st. This is gonna be a brand new challenge. If you join the Magnetic Love Challenge, this is different. So join that of the Confident Love Challenge. If you want to see what's possible, read the testimonials from the last challenge we did and I'll put it below or you go to aarondoughty.com/love, L-O-V-E. And other than that, if you want a video that will also help you to wire in all these ideas to help you make you more confident AF, has to do with letting go, watch this video right here. It will change your life. People feel what you feel about you. The energy inside of our bodies are contagious and based on how we feel about ourselves, that energy is being emanated out and other people are responding to us based on that energy.
