DO THIS To Set Boundaries Like a BOSS & Win At Love, Money and LIFE

Setting boundaries like a boss. Okay, that's what we're gonna be learning in this episode. I'm gonna be sharing with you the top secrets I've learned for how to create strong boundaries without being a dick or out feeling guilty, but also how this is really the secret to you winning at life in the realms of abundance and money or even in the sector of love. If there's a lack of boundaries, then that also is tied to a lack of sense of worthiness, a lack of frame, a lack of self. And we are continuously training other people and communicating with them as to how we believe we deserve to be treated. So if you allow someone to do something to you or to be a certain way to you and you don't draw a boundary, they will continue to think that it is okay for them to treat you that way, and they will continue the process. And that's why a lot of times if you start setting boundaries, some people may be like, what's going on? I've always been able to treat Aaron this way. He's always responded this way. Anytime I've ever asked him to do this, he's done it. And now all of a sudden he's not. And it might be a little bit confusing, but this is a part of the process. But the success in my own life whether it be me growing a YouTube channel or me making a lot more abundance than I've ever imagined, or me like in opening up, becoming more vulnerable in my relationships, all of that was directly related to my own sense of boundaries. So realize that what we're gonna do in this episode is I'm actually gonna bring you through the shift into setting boundaries like a boss, okay? You could be a boss babe, You could be a boss, you can be a manly masculine boss, you could be a feminine boss, you can be a I'm gender neutral boss, whatever you want, okay? You could be any type of boss you want. But in this episode, that's exactly what we're gonna do is you're gonna learn step by step how to shift into being a boss. This is an identity shift episode. This video is inspired because I've noticed that so many people are going through this right meow. They're going through this process of establishing boundaries, maybe even feeling guilty for it or feeling like they don't, they're not worthy of it. And what I've realized is that boundaries and worthiness are directly linked. If we allow people to take advantage of us or we allow people to treat us a certain way, that's linked to many times a sense of lower self-worth. So what we have to do is we have to bring the energy back to us. And in this episode, we're gonna be going through S-H-I-F-T. This is gonna be a journey that we're going through towards completely shifting our sense of identity and our sense of self so that we start to embody our true power and we don't feel guilty in this whole entire process. And it's a funny thing because I was having a conversation last night with my girlfriend actually, and I have recorded this part of this podcast, just so you know, like 3 times. Nick knows this, the editor, because I have redone it because I'm becoming aware of my own sense of boundaries with what I share of my personal life, even with you guys, to be honest. And I know this sounds, you know, I love you guys, but at the same time, I recognize that being kind of in the public eye, I guess you could say, I know it sounds kind of egotistical, but my girlfriend's also in the public eye as well. But what happens is, is when I share certain aspects of my relationship, I guess sometimes I feel like there's energy that's being projected in because there are like thousands of people kind of listening or paying attention. And I've had to become aware of my own sense of boundaries as to like what I share of my personal life and what I don't. And I was sharing like a little part, you know, of something my girlfriend was telling me last night. And what's interesting is I was like, wait, should I share that? Shouldn't I share that? You know, I'm gonna ask her and if, If you're seeing this part of the episode, then it was okay with her that you see, or that I explain kind of some stuff that's happened in her own life. But what I wanted to kind of share is like, yeah, there's, I can feel, maybe it's my own sense of worthiness as well with this, with am I worthy in a way to where, like, how much am I obligated to share in my own personal life with this thing, with this whole like sharing my life online and stuff like that. But I really like being vulnerable with all of you. So if you like the vulnerable videos and every time you hear the word meow, can you like the video? Okay, you're gonna hear meow. Anytime I say, right, meow, you're gonna hear it and you just like the video. That's all you gotta do, okay? Like or comment meow when you hear me say meow, okay? That's just something we're gonna be doing. We're creating culture, okay? Now with this though, one of the reasons this was inspired is my girlfriend was telling me last night, she's like going through and she's really healing a lot of the relationships she has with her family, with her mom, her dad, and her sister. And she had a very intense kind of crazy childhood. She's a public, she does what I do, she has like social media and stuff like that. So she helps people do, ascend their vibration, raise their vibration. And I didn't realize when I met her how interesting her childhood was though. She was on the Dr. Phil show. Her mom faked her own suicide for 2 or 3 years. Heather literally thought that her mom was, like passed away and she went through a whole grieving process to then find out on the Dr. Phil show that her mom was still alive. It was pretty crazy. But one thing she is working through right now is setting boundaries. And for her, sometimes setting boundaries is hard. And for many of us, I think it's hard as well. And she's a very empathic person too. She feels into people very well. That's like probably one of her superpowers. But at the same time, I can see that what she's working with is setting boundaries. She's very good at setting boundaries with like friends and like other people that maybe she doesn't know. Like recently she was out with another friend of mine and they were out at like a coffee shop and these two guys were coming up to them to like ask them out. And she had like no problem saying like, nope, like establishing that boundary. But one of my other friends, she had a very hard time saying no, not like kind of rejecting, they weren't interested in these two guys. I mean, Heather's with me, but my other friend Rebecca, she was like single, but she wasn't interested in this guy. But what was interesting is for Heather, it was very easy to say no. She was nice and everything. But then for Rebecca, she was like, gave up her phone number and said, yes, we can be friends, but she didn't really wanna give it up. And it's like, it was obvious that one of her, not lessons, but things that she's working with is actually being firm in what she really wants to do. If she doesn't wanna give out her number, she doesn't have to give out her number. And it was just very interesting. So there's ways, and in certain like aspects of her life, it's easy for her to say no or easy for her to like be nice about it, but to establish that boundary. But in other aspects of her life, it might be a little bit more challenging. And one of the things that she recognized is she had a therapist that was like helping, you know, like kind of bring up this stuff so that there's a better family unit between everybody 'cause her parents are divorced, you know? And one thing that was very interesting is that she recognizes that when she was a kid, she had no boundaries at all. So her mom was a famous journalist, like investigative journalist, and was on TV and like won Emmys and like all this crazy stuff. And they grew up with a lot of money for up until a certain period when she was like a teenager, then they lost it all. So she went from like very wealthy to very poor, very quickly. And in the time they were very wealthy though, she would tell me she had this pantry and this pantry had every kind of food you could possibly imagine and all the indulgent foods like Fruit Roll-Ups and Gushers and Twinkies and Hershey's candy and she could eat whatever she wanted. And even from a young age, she was able to have friends over, slumber parties, there was really nothing that her parents would say no to. And what she's realized is because there wasn't that frame set when she was a kid, What she now works through is a feeling or a, she's realizing that because her parents didn't set boundaries with her, she now has challenges setting boundaries with her own parents. And in a way it was funny because I was telling her last night, like, people treat you the way you've trained them to treat you. So what she's learning to do is to draw more boundaries with her parents for what's okay, for what's not okay, really clearly expressing that because then also she had like a friend that showed up to our house and she has a friend that'll just pop by randomly when she's in the middle, she's like in the middle of a flow state, she was in the middle of making a video and she had a friend that just showed up randomly. And she's like, no, listen, I have to, I'm in the middle of my flow state, I'm in the middle of doing stuff, I don't have time to hang out right now. And her friend was like, yeah, yeah, but I just have to tell you this one thing. And then she told her this one thing and What I pointed out to Heather though, is like, okay, that was obviously a reflection of the lack of boundaries because there's somebody that you communicated to that thinks that it's okay to show up to your house whenever they want and that there's no repercussions for that. Or there's no, like, even if you say, no, listen, I'm in the middle of a flow state, then they're like, yes, but I gotta get out this one thing. What you could realize is the reason this person's doing that, your friend's doing that to her is because in a way she thinks it's okay. So the thing that I was recognizing and kind of like helping her look through is like, oh, maybe it would be a good thing to set boundaries with certain friends and family members to where you communicate clearly, like, this isn't okay that you cross this boundary. You don't show up unannounced when I'm at my house and I'm making videos or whatever. You text me or call me before you come over. You know, but it might be, but so it was like almost that sense of tension might be uncomfortable for her to go into, but it's gonna be something that as she does, she's going to feel so much more powerful. And it's something that in my own life, I've realized that a lot of the stuff that I've bypassed or been afraid to like actually express is stuff that is vulnerable. So it's stuff that like means, vulnerability is like you could get rejected or somebody could not like what you're about to say. But what I've seen is that when I have these vulnerable conversations, it is not only empowering, but it's authentic. You know, there was a guy that was at my house yesterday, and I don't wanna vent too much about this, but I could tell how inauthentic I was with this guy that was here. There was a guy that came to my house, and I moved into this new house in Austin, I had some handyman work to do and I have this one handyman that's really awesome that does like really good work for a good price. And normally I pay him like $35 an hour and he can pretty much do anything I need around the house. And then sometimes I'll have him bring somebody that he gets at like a worker that he brings that I pay like $15 an hour. So I pay like $50 an hour for the both of them, but he was out for like a week or two and I wanted some stuff done at my house. I wanted like the garage set up a certain way so I could do, home workouts, not have to go to the gym. I wanted my sauna set up so that I could use that. I wanted some like curtains put up and stuff. I didn't wanna wait like 2 weeks for that. So I had my assistant find somebody on Craigslist that was like a handyman that I could work with. And she found somebody that was $50 an hour. And I'm like, oh, that's a lot more expensive. You know, it's just for 1 person. So I was like, okay, if maybe he could do like that amount of work or whatever for $50 an hour. Well, this guy comes over and it's very, and he has like an 8-hour minimum. So he's getting paid for the whole day. He's gonna pay like $400 for the whole day. And he comes here and I'm not kidding you, it was the most frustrating thing ever because I could tell that this guy was just, he hung up curtains that are right here in this like podcast room thing. And it took him like 45 minutes to an hour to hang up just one, like a curtain rod. With a panel that you put on it. It would've taken the other guy like 10 minutes. It took him like an hour and he was, I was like, what is he doing? So I came in here and I was like working on my computer and he would just like, he'd get on the ladder, he'd do something, he'd get off. It's like he was just taking as much time as possible because he was getting paid the 8, you know, per the 8 hours. And throughout the whole day, it took him so long. He barely got anything done. And I was really frustrated at the end. Basically what happens from 10 in the morning at like 5 or 6 at night, he was still here. And I came back from the gym. I went to the gym for 3 hours thinking I come back, he's gonna have all this work done, it's gonna be awesome. I come back and he's still in the house hanging up curtains. Like for 3 hours, it took him to hang up one more set of curtains and like to black out this one window. It took like 3 hours. I'm like, what is going on? I felt like I was going crazy. And then I was like, "Dude, you gotta get outta the house." I kind of, I became a dick because I was so frustrated because there was still so much work to be done in the garage. I was like, "You need to get outta the house. I'm getting ready to eat dinner now. I didn't think it would take you 4 hours to hang up a curtain, like 2 curtains and do this." And he then went into the garage and stuff and started working there. But I realized that I could have been even more authentic and more vulnerable from the beginning. Like, and that's what's great. My assistant, by the way, she's amazing at this. Like she would see somebody that'd be doing that. It's like obviously taking even longer to do things or maybe like kind of milking the hours. And she'd be like, do you like what you're doing? She would literally say something like that. Like, do you wanna be here? Do you wanna be working? And that's not a bad thing. I mean, so some people, they may look at that and be like, oh, that's kind of being rude or something. But I bottled it in and then at the end I was like, I kind of had a conversation with him. I'm like, dude, I'll be honest with you. I hired you thinking that you were gonna do this amount of work and be even better than the other two guys that I come, but that wasn't the case. So my experience of you was that you took way longer than anticipated and you were milking it, milking the hours. And I told him this. And back in the day, I would've never said this. I would've bottled it up and it would've been this thing, but I'm learning to just be more vulnerable and not be afraid of rejection, not be afraid of the tension. You know, but I'm realizing that authenticity always wins and authenticity is a way of also setting boundaries. And in the way I think I get reflections in my life like this, when I am like, it's showing me that I can step more into my own power, into my own frame and be more clear upfront as to like the expectation, you know what I mean? And instead of me, I was literally frustrated for like 4 hours. Every time I'd walk around, he was just going so slow. And it was like a younger guy that was my age. There was really no excuse for it except for I felt like maybe it's my own projection, but it was more like a millennial, like, I don't know, I felt like he was just seeing how much he could, you know, it's like, wow, you think that you deserve $50 an hour for this? You know, it was an interesting perspective. But in general, when it comes to boundaries, the more you set boundaries, the more you're gonna also feel in your own frame. What happens is, is part of S.H.I.F.T. that we're gonna be learning is S is story, H is heal, I is identity, F is frequency, and T is transformation. So now we're gonna kind of go through this to become aware of these subconscious stories that we have that a lot of times come from childhood. So the stories that most of us have that has us not setting boundaries is that we feel responsible for other people's energy. And have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt that you were responsible for someone else's energy or that like it was hard to say no because if you said no, then like either you were gonna get rejected, you weren't gonna get validated. It's like a subconscious thing too. Sometimes we aren't aware that we want validation from other people, but, or that, yeah, there's like an obligation or even like a responsibility that comes with that. And I can tell that in my own life, one of the biggest wounds that I have is from childhood. And it's feeling like I was abandoned, like emotionally abandoned when I was a kid. And because of that, I felt like there was something wrong. It could have been like, you know, my mom went through and my dad both were going through a lot when I was a kid. You know, they ended up divorced when I was like 5. And I think that us as kids, when we see our parents go through stuff, we internalize everything. So it's like, well, the divorce happened, but maybe it happened because I'm not worthy or I'm not good enough. Well, this happened. My mom was going through her dad passing away. When I was 1 or 2, my mom's dad passed away and she lost a lot of weight. She went through a lot of stress. My guess is that she was emotionally invested in that. And then I felt alone. She's doing the best she could and she's a great mom. It's just that I think that that's, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I then was like afraid and I thought that maybe if I could be different, then I would get the love from my parents. And then what happened is in relationships, I would attract people that were more emotionally unavailable or they didn't, they weren't really like able to, I guess not nurture me, but in a way like treat me the way I guess I wanted to be treated. But it was also because I wasn't used to somebody treating me that way. And it's fascinating the way it goes, but this all normally ties down to a sense of our story. And for me also, I can tell very clearly that it has a lot to do with frame. So being in your frame is being in your own body, and it also is directly related to leadership. So like being in your own frame means there is a sense of self and a sense of like your own vision of like who you are and what you're about, your own values as well. And we're gonna talk about that in a minute when we get to F. But think of it like your frame and your sense of frame. I was watching this breakdown the other day of Game of Thrones because Game of Thrones is like crazy show that I watched. I binged it for like a month and a half and finished it. Maybe even just a month. And I was watching a breakdown video. You know, after you watch a show, you gotta watch all the breakdown videos, like dissecting the different parts of like the past. And the ending of it was horrible, by the way. That's just my own side note. That's my own frame, okay? But basically I was watching a video that said basically Game of Thrones is game of frame. It's the game of different frames and the different families or the different, you know, like houses, the House of Targaryen, the House of Lannister. It's like who's establishing the frame and who has the strongest frame because that person is the one with the power. Now what happens is when we're kids, our frame is somewhat either diminished or we feel shame, we feel like we're not worthy, or we're told that it's not safe for us to be in our own frame. Many of you know my story that from 7 to 15 years old, I had my ex-stepmom in my life. So after my parents divorced, my dad, who I think he has a strong frame, remember how we were talking about frame and like Heather has a strong frame with like her sense of boundaries with like, other people, but when it comes to family, it's much more challenging. My dad has a strong frame when it comes to his work. He's a fire investigator, he loves what he does, but I'd say he has a very weak frame when it comes to his relationships because my ex-stepmom completely ran the show. My ex-stepmom from 7 to 15 years old, that's when my dad was with her. And what happened is, is she completely ran the show. My brother and I had zero freedom. We weren't allowed to, you know, you guys probably know the story, but just in case you haven't heard or watched like, you know, my other videos, we weren't allowed to watch TV, we weren't allowed to have friends. We were normally locked outside when they were at work and just working. And we'd have to sneak watching TV, sneak food because we were only given a bowl of cereal in the morning on most days and a TV dinner at night. And we had to earn going to school activities. It was like, It was kind of like having an army general as a parent, but also there's a lot of like physical and emotional, mental abuse and stuff the way she was. She's a very angry person. So it was very interesting, but I was not, there's one or two times that I actually stood up to her that I got in a lot of trouble for. I was not encouraged to be in my own frame. And I also felt safe giving up my frame and being under the rule of someone else. That's something I found interesting. They call that Stockholm syndrome. But we are familiar many times, we will either normally reject or absorb that with what we grow up with. But in this case, like I got so used to for years being under the rule of my ex-stepmom that even after 15 years old came around, my dad divorced her with the help of my actual grandma who has a strong frame and kind of like pushed him to do it. He eventually finally, you know, divorced her. All of a sudden we have all this freedom. We're allowed to watch TV, we're allowed to have friends, we can eat as much food as we want. We started looking healthier because we were very malnourished before that. All of a sudden it was a whole new world, but that felt scary. There was something about it that just felt like I wasn't used to it or something like that. So no fear, guess what happened? I kept attracting people into my life that could replay the stepmom stuff. So after that, I got a girlfriend that was very jealous and I was with her for 4 years. And interesting enough too, my dad was in a relationship a lot longer than was necessary that was healthy. He stayed in it. I stayed in a relationship that was like 2 or 3 years, very unhealthy. Somebody that was constantly jealous, constantly trying to control me. I was too loud, I was all this stuff. And it was, Very interesting how it was a similar, like she wasn't abusing me, but she was like very controlling. And I finally broke up with her when I was like 20, 21. And then all of a sudden I get transferred to a better shoe department at Nordstrom's where the manager is pretty much a clone of my ex-stepmom. Very interesting. So within a week or two of breaking up with her, it was interesting how that energy dynamic was always in my life until I became aware of it. A lot of it too is I had to forgive my ex-stepmom and let go of the anger that I had towards her. And also just this, I had to go into my own frame so that I could feel safe. I could feel safe in my own frame. And that's required me to become aware of the story that I have around myself, my own childhood. So S-H-I-F-T. So S is story. Our beliefs create our reality. Until we get to the core of our beliefs, things don't really change. You know, you can change your sub— you could say, oh, change the subconscious mind, let's listen to these meditations before we go to bed and stuff. That can help, but what are your core beliefs about who you are and your own sense of frame, your own sense of self? That's what you wanna do. You wanna become aware of who are you? And when you start asking this question, you'll start to get different answers. You'll never really completely figure it out because it will change. As you go. And that's why we'll talk about values here in a little bit, which changes everything. Vulnerability and values is everything when it comes to setting boundaries. But what you wanna do is you wanna become aware of your story about yourself, your beliefs about your own energy. And I've explained this before too, but when you look at even the energy inside of your own body, what happens is when we're kids, and we are tuning to our environment for survival, what happens is, is we are tuning ourselves to the outside in order for us to like get our needs met. And maybe our needs is we wanna feel validated, we wanna feel loved. And one thing that I did a lot is I changed my sense of self so that I could have other people's validation because I didn't wanna get rejected. I didn't wanna feel alone. And we're all afraid of being or feeling alone. But the key is knowing your sense of worthiness by being in your own body. Because what happens when we're kids is in a way we move out of our bottom 3 chakras and we move into like the more intuitive center. And that's why so many empaths can pick up on everyone else's stuff because they're not in their body enough to really feel that separation to turn it off. If they feel like, I guess, there's more like they can't turn it on or turn it off when they want. So the thing I recommend is to start bringing the awareness into your body, is to realize that when we are, you know, I went to an energy worker or I don't know what you call it, like somebody that like does healing work and stuff like that that my buddy raved about. And I went and met this person in San Diego and it was awesome. But he put his hands over my back and he can immediately tell me different, like different situations from childhood that I honestly totally forgot about. And he was like telling me, he's like, "You felt very alone when you were a baby and like even 1 or 2." And I was like, "No, I didn't feel alone. Everyone was there." You know, then I realized afterwards like, "Well, yeah, I did." Like, you know, my mom always told me I was a very quiet baby. I think one of the reasons I was quiet is 'cause maybe I was like very internal and I was feeling, you know, very alone. But he said that there's certain people in your life that you've been around where in a way you've been siphoning your energy and spreading it to them because you've given away your power. And he picked very specific people and like situations that I was like, wow, he's really picking up on this. So what he helped me to do and what he helped me realize is that I had to bring the energy back to me, put the energy back in my own body because otherwise I had to process energy, not just for me, but for everybody else as well, which is a more esoteric thing. And I could do a whole episode about that if you guys want me to. Write me out, you let me know, you know, you just, like this video or comment below. Let me know if you want more on that, more esoteric kind of stories like that. But in general, that was something I had to learn to do is to be in my own body, become aware of this story, become aware of the beliefs that I have about my own energy and am I responsible for other people's? So H is heal. So S-H-I-E-L, H is heal. Now in order for us to heal from our past, What we must do is we must become aware and become aware of the meaning that we gave to it in the past and accept it. Acceptance is an important part of this. And then also forgiveness, I'd say, is a huge part of heal. I had to forgive my ex-stepmom. And even more recently, I've had some people in my lives that are great friends of mine that I've had to have very vulnerable conversations with because there was a level of, kind of, not in a way manipulation, but a replaying of the same dynamic with my ex-stepmom in some ways where I felt obligated or like I had to give up my sense of power in order for me to be worthy or validated. And I know I've also shared this before, but it's sometimes hard for me to say no to friends and family. With that, it was like, I remember I had a friend, I told this story a couple times, but a friend's birthday was like an 8-hour drive away. There was no way to fly into this place. And I canceled like 8 different things that I had going on at one of the most busy times of the part of my year in order to go to her birthday party. And I completely abandoned my sense of self so that I could make other people happy. And after I got outta that, I realized like, why did I, you know, it was a 10-hour drive there, 10-hour drive back, and we were only there for like 2, 3 days. So it was like such, a big journey, but I just, there was no other option. Like I could not say no. That was the perspective before. Like my sense of validation, my sense of identity, like am I a good friend or not? Will they be disappointed if I don't show up? That was so important to me that I like canceled photo shoots. It was just, it was a very interesting reflection for me. But healing really is about the getting more inside of your own body and being in your own frame and becoming aware of that the body is the subconscious mind. So even right now, as you guys are listening to this, put the awareness in your feet, in your hands. And as you do that, and this works like magic, by the way, this is something that I learned from my shadow work integration coach, who I'm thinking of bringing on this podcast, by the way, once a month or every now and then. He's amazing, his name's Doug. If you guys want me to do that, go ahead and like this video or comment below and let me know that that's what you want. I will look into doing that. But this frame technique, I call it the frame technique. Basically, all you do is you put your hands, you put your energy in your hands and your feet, and you feel the separation between you and others, not the connection, the separation, because many people that have trouble setting boundaries are projecting their energy towards other people. And because of that, they aren't feeling in their own body. So then they feel responsible for other people. Because there's no separation between them and them. So them letting down their friend is them letting down themselves because they are responsible for their energy. Does that make sense? It's a crazy thing. But when I would go on hikes, when I would go out in public and I would do this frame technique in public where I would pay attention to like how I used to feel obligated to say hi to people I was walking by, even if I didn't want to, I'd stop and I'd just get in my own body. And it was interesting because people, it was almost like it would magnetize people to me. And then they would say hi to me and they'd be really nice. And it's because I'm in my own frame and people respect people that are in their own frame. So one of the things I recommend you do is you get into your own frame. And if you haven't already as well been through, we've had like 4,000 people go through this, the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, then go to aarondoughty.com/love. I challenge you to that. That is where we go to the abandonment wound, the worthiness wound, and we heal all of this stuff. We learn about attachment styles. We tap more into self-love and we remove our blocks to love, whether that's attracting someone into our life or deepening a relationship you're already in. So that's where we go more in depth to that, but that's where I also teach the frame technique in more detail. And there's a bonus if you join right now as well, where you get like that whole workshop and everything. So that's an important part of H. Now, the next part of this is identity. So S-H-I, identity. How do you view yourself? Are you in your own frame, your own sense of identity? And that's when you wanna start feeling that separation between you and others and realize that's not a bad thing. Realize that we are all connected. You know, we do some of these meditations where we connect our energy fields together. And, but at the same time, when we are focused on that connection, that's great, but we are also individuals. And when we have that sense of boundary, we then feel more in our own power. So identity is an important part of this. If you've always viewed yourself as somebody that's empathic, that has to give yourself to others, there's an identity shift that you must become aware of. Become aware of how you're doing that and how you can start to take your energy back. Be aware that you are a powerful being and you're meant to be in your own frame. You're meant to also self-validate yourself. As the childhood stuff that you heal when you become aware of the abandonment wound and the unworthiness. When you start to become aware of that, that's one of the first steps of this process. But beyond that, what you wanna do is you want to bring that energy over to that of your own sense of self, and then feeling the separation between you and other people will make you more magnetic. And even like another part of this too is like becoming aware of the, the ancestral energies that you may have absorbed from your parents. I can tell that my dad is like a people pleaser, nice guy, right? And in some ways, maybe I think his dad was that way too, I heard, which is interesting because I never met him, but my grandma said that. I was like, oh, interesting. He's just replaying the same patterns as his dad did. And until I became aware of this story, sense of worthiness, sense of responsibility that my dad had for everybody else, 'cause he'd also, tend to attract women that he felt like he needed to fix. Something that I've had to become aware of as well. 'Cause if I feel like I need to fix them, then it's like I'd only attract people that kind of either need me or I'm implying and projecting a reality onto them that they're broken. So one thing I had to do is I had to get more inside my own frame and I had to start separating my own energy from my dad. I had to literally feel the separation between me and my dad and realize, oh, that's your stuff, not mine. And one of the mantras for today is comment below, "Oh, that's your shit, not mine." Oh, that's your shit, not mine. When it comes to that of other people saying, "Hey, do you wanna come do this?" And you feel normally like you have to say yes. If you say no because you really don't wanna do it and you're being authentic and vulnerable and you say no and what happens is they end up getting mad, that's their shit. That ain't yours. It's not yours. That's their stuff. All right, and if it's their stuff, then that's not your job or your responsibility to take care of it. That's where there's this balance that we can start to become aware of between us and other people. What is their shit versus what's your shit? And as you become aware of this, it changes everything. So you wanna become aware of this and you wanna start tapping more into your own values. Now, how can my values be different than my dad? Where I realized that frequency is all about value. Values and frequencies is directly linked. For you to experience a reality, and imagine a reality right now where you are living in your power, very clear boundaries, easy for you to set. When you're talking, people respect you, people listen to you. When you walk into a store, people are just like, there's just an energy that you have. I went to Best Buy yesterday. This is just a side note. I went to Best Buy yesterday and I needed a soundbar 'cause I had a guy here that was like setting up a sound system and stuff throughout the house. And I go to Best Buy 'cause I need something 'cause there's one only 10 minutes away. There's a Costco 30 minutes away. I'd rather go 10 minutes away. So I go there and I see what I need, but there's nothing. It's like they're outta stock of it. And there's like no, there's a line. There's like one guy that's helping like a line of like 8 people and there's no other sales employees. I'm like, what's going on? And I then walk around and I'm like, I kind of, I don't wanna be standing around all day. I'm not gonna wait in that 30-minute line just to ask a question. So I found somebody, almost went to the back stockroom and I said, hey, I just need, I need to see if there's more stock of this. He goes, oh, we don't have any stock of that. We'll order it for you though. I said, I would've ordered it myself. I'm not, I'm looking for it right now. I want it right now. So what's interesting though is when I walked in there, it's like the customer service, I can tell certain businesses it's like there is a phase where a lot of things are going online, but what's interesting to me is just how every, it's like the employees, the customer service, it's really changed. I mean, I'm kind of bougie. I used to work at Nordstrom's, which is all about customer service. So it's just fascinating to me how like these stores expect to stay open when if you go in and have an experience like that, I don't wanna ever go back and buy at Best Buy again. You know, I went to Costco, everything I needed was there. It was easy. I was in, I was out. It was great. But it's fascinating kind of how that works. But I remember feeling almost like when I went in, I'm like, it was almost like my own sense of awareness. But imagine I walked in and they were like, "Wow, he's got such good boundaries. He's got such good energy." And they just flock because I'm in such my own frame or something like that. That was like, I guess, one of the thoughts that came to me as I was, you know, talking about that. But imagine that version of you already exists, a version of you because all potential realities exist. That's what parallel realities show us, that's what quantum physics shows us. That helps you tap into the imagination of it and connect to that version of you. Now imagine what are the values of that version of you? Now for me, my old values were I validated people's validation over just about everything. And that was my challenge with boundaries. And when I started to value authenticity and vulnerability over validation, that's when things began to change. And the way you change that is you just commit to living by those principles. That's it. And you become aware of it. Awareness is 90% of transformation, and then you commit to living it. So what is your identity? I is identity. How do you view yourself? And then realize that there may be a gap between the old you and the new you. The old you that says yes to everything, that feels guilty, when people want something from you, you can't say no, or people show up and you just kind of hold in the resentment in a more passive-aggressive way like I was doing with the guy that was here. But now I've committed to just being more vulnerable. And these little situations help me tap more into my own power. But what you wanna do is become aware of F, which is frequency, which means what are your values that you are living by that you are committing to? And I commit to vulnerability over validation. And this is translated in a harder conversation I had with one of my best friends recently. Recently, where we went like 6 months without talking. And I was like, you know, I had to kind of establish my own sense of frame and I had to disconnect my energy from the whole situation. But we finally had to talk again and we connected and now we're like brothers again. But it was interesting because I had to be very vulnerable and I had to say things that I didn't say like a while ago. And it was uncomfortable, but I did it. And then afterwards I told this person, I was like, listen, "From this point going forward, I will call you out if I see something I don't like. I will be very authentic with you and I'm not going to like sugarcoat or just be nice like I was. I'm going to be authentic. So it's gonna change our relationship." And I could tell that from that moment going forward, he respects me more now because he sees I'm in my own power. So it's interesting, but I felt so empowered after that too. I felt like, "Oh, this is an option. I'm not gonna get rejected by friends and family and people by me being the real me." If anything, people like you more. You know, if I share with you my different perspectives on things and it polarizes you, many times people will at least respect that that's what I believe and I have the balls to say it, you know? So being on social media and sharing this kind of stuff, it's actually something that I'm learning to do even more, step more into my own power. But what it, it's because I value authenticity and vulnerability over validation. So my question to you is, what are your values? And if you were priorly looking to other people for validation or afraid of tension, because having trouble setting boundaries means that there's like, you're afraid of setting, you're afraid of tension, of like disappointing someone else. And think about it, when I was growing up from 7 to 15, I had the abusive ex-stepmom. If I gave tension, if I put up a fight or established my own sense of frame, I would get punished even worse. So I can see now, or meow, that the key is like knowing that I can be in my own frame and not get punished. And not only not get punished, but actually have people respect me even more. Even in my like relationship, I can tell that me leading more, me being even more authentic helps the feminine feel safe. So it's like that leadership role as well. But even look at this in the form of your own boundaries with your diet? What are your boundaries with your relationships? What are your boundaries with your purpose? When I was working my 9 to 5 job, I was hanging out with friends, I was smoking weed, I was chilling, and then all of a sudden I realized I wanna, you know, that was mainly a little bit before I started on YouTube though. That was like, but I would go, I'd go to house, I'd go to my friend's house where that's what was going on at least. And I would just chill and, but I realized that the more I got clear on my vision and my own authentic values, the more I then had to say no to other things. I had to say no to that because I was saying yes to my videos. If I am working 40 hours a week at a job and I'm making videos 20, 30 hours a week because I made videos on YouTube every single day for 6 months before I quit at Barney's New York, I had to say no to more things. I had to have boundaries. If I said yes to and I felt guilty, But you see, my values changed because I also started, think about this, this is kind of cool. My identity shifted when I was working my 9 to 5 job to when I started making YouTube videos to where it became a solid priority for me to make these videos to where then it was easier for me to say no and to have boundaries with friends that were like, hey, just come over and chill and smoke and all this stuff. It was easy for me to say no because my identity shifted as well. I'm just now realizing this epiphany as I'm doing this. So thing that I recommend you do is realize that as you start getting more clear as to what you want by asking the question and by committing to it, you will have to say no to maybe friends, maybe even like, when I'm putting food into my body and now I'm in a calorie deficit again, I'm going through a little mini cut 'cause I realized I was starting to get a gut from just eating everything and not being aware of like how much I was eating. I start to value the food more, but it's like now I value, instead of just very delicious food that feels good in the moment, I'm thinking what food's nutritious and gonna help me have more energy. And it's this whole balance of becoming aware of the boundary you have to what you put into your body. Boundaries are a good thing. When you say no to the McDonald's or the fast food, you're saying yes to something else that's like whole and food and actually nutritious. So these are things that I recommend all of you look into. Now, T is S-H-I-F-T. We got story, heal, identity, frequency, transformation. Transformation is making the choice to be it. Every moment is a new moment right meow. Every moment is a new moment right meow. Every moment is a new moment right meow. You can give yourself permission to be that version of you. You don't need, it's like, it's interesting how, quick things can happen when you commit to that being the new you. It's just that we've told ourself an old story that we think's on autopilot, so it has to be hard to change boundaries. It doesn't. It can be very easy for you to switch and to change your boundaries. Now, I've still been going through, and I think of like boundaries in a way like boundaries is necessary for you to attract like a relationship where somebody really respects you. Even think of like you being authentic when in the dating process and you having boundaries for what's okay, what's not okay, that establishes value. If anybody can walk on you, you're saying, well, I'm not valuable. Like, this is what I deserve. Your sense of worthiness is directly connected to your sense of boundaries. So if you start to set boundaries with people, at first they may not be cool with that because maybe they're used to walking on you. Maybe they're used to like getting you to bend to their will, to their wanting you to come to their thing or whatever it is. And because they're used to that, all of a sudden you're giving them this new frame that they're not used to. So one of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to start to bring the awareness back into your own body, to go through and to learn how to be in your own frame, to realize that as you are in your own frame, you will be feeling completely different about yourself. You will be feeling way more empowered and you'll understand this. The thing that I've had to learn too is my own sense of boundaries when I meet people in public. This might sound egotistical or something like that, but it's common that I might be out and I might meet somebody that recognizes me from the YouTube channel. But there's times I'm like, I'm busy, I've got a lot going on in my life, especially like starting to do live events and stuff like that. But I've recently met a whole bunch of people at a buddy's event that I went to. And I just, I recognized that there was a guilt that I had when I was like turning, like people are literally like, let's hang out, let's, "Can I get your number?" And stuff like that. I'm like, I'm like, it was hard for me to say no, you know? 'Cause it's like, well, these people know me from YouTube and I want to like connect with them and get to know them. But at the same time, if I gave my number out to every person I met, then I would have like, it would just be, it's challenging for me to get back to friends and family. So imagine just bringing new people in that recognize me from videos and stuff. So I've had to establish boundaries even with people where I'm like, no, I will be doing events and I look forward to seeing you at those events, but I cannot give you my phone number. Time to get back and hang out. And they're like, I wanna tell you my story. I wanna tell you about my life. And I'm like, that's cool. I want to be able to do that in like a live event form. But that's been a challenge for me. But I'm learning that if I say yes to that, then I'm saying no to myself and my own sense of like, it's really worthiness. I'm like, wait, no, I'm worthy to actually say no and to do it in a loving way. Not be like, no, fuck you or anything, you know? Be cool about it, you know? So anyways, this is all I can tell as it gets brought up in my own life. It's directly related to my sense of worthiness. And the key to this, the most powerful thing you can learn is that when you get to the core of your own childhood wounding and you become aware of your abandonment wound, what you can then do is start to give yourself your validation, start to give yourself a sense of worthiness and know that you're safe to feel in your own body. And that as you see other people, as you focus more on having your values be authenticity and vulnerability, what you'll find is that then people respect you more. Some people may not like it, that's okay. That's their shit, not yours. So that is the important part of what I wanted to share today. That's how you set boundaries like a boss. You get into your own frame. You realize that you being in your body is going to be something that like translates energetically, but also you valuing what you really value, asking yourself, am I abandoning myself in this process? Am I abandoning myself to make others happy? And then as you start to see the separation between you and them, it changes everything. Now, one of the main reasons it's so hard to set boundaries is 'cause it has to do with confidence. How confident do you feel? Now, one of the most powerful videos that I've made recently is on the 5 secrets to confidence that will completely transform Your Life. If you haven't seen that video yet, watch it. It will build on this concept and really help you to set boundaries even easier. People feel what you feel about you. The energy inside of our bodies are contagious, and based on how we feel about ourselves, that energy is being emanated out, and other people are responding to us based on that