You don't actually want that specific person back. You want the familiar emotional pattern they triggered in you. The other person was just a mirror for your own internal state, and the hot-and-cold dynamic felt like home because it matched something inside you already.
When people want to get back their specific person, replace the word specific person with specific pattern, because that's really what it is. How do I get my specific person back? What you're really saying is, how do I get my specific pattern back? I want the pattern that I know, even though the pattern that you know may be hot and cold, cat and mouse. That's what I know. That's the pattern I know. And then what we do is we believe it's in other people. So anytime you've been in love in the past, you can be very quick to say they caused me to feel this. The connection is what caused me to feel this. They were reflecting something back to you that allowed you to feel the love that's already inside of your body. This person is not the thing. You were generating the emotion. It's not them that's the so special one that you need to keep fighting for because that story may feel familiar, but it's reflecting back the pattern that's inside of you.
