embrace your dark side to be magnetic and WATCH YOUR LIFE TRANSFORM

When I set boundaries and I see them get butthurt, it makes me revert back.

Right. Are you walking on eggshells around them?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're walking on eggshells around them.

Yeah.

And then imagine if people in our life are reflecting back the energy we're embodying and somebody is like tiptoeing like this, right? Yeah. What would you assume about them? What would you assume? They're up to no good, right? Someone's going into the kitchen at night, like trying to get a cookie or something, like walking on eggshells, no one can hear me. And then people just kind of assume, like, and they can also probably see that you're manipulatable because of the way you're being, like, hey mom, sister, this is what I want to do, like tense, right?

Exactly.

Well, and then when you're tense like this, people are mirroring back the energy you're embodying from their nervous system subconsciously. So because there's that energy, it's like naturally it just comes out. There's a response there. Whereas what would it look like for you to be more bold within yourself and to let go of that responsibility? What if their tension when you express yourself was their thing to deal with, not yours?

Okay, so that's— I totally get what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I'm—

yeah, that's where the challenge is.

That's where the challenge is.

What's the challenge? What is, what is the challenge with it?

I just, I, I want to revert back to the old pattern because I feel bad that they feel what it looks like to me that they—

what if you let yourself feel bad? Remember, like over here we're talking about letting ourselves— I don't, I don't want to feel bad.

I get that.

I get it intellectually. Intellectually, I can understand it. Yeah, but what if you brought the energy into your body? Take a deep breath, let go. And if you were to put the awareness in your body, where is this pattern? It's like right in your heart. Yeah. Yeah, and if that pattern, that energy had a voice, what would it say?

To be a little more sympathetic. To be—

yeah, yeah, more sympathetic.

To not be so judgy, I guess.

Yeah, not to be so judgy.

Yeah, but I'm judging me for feeling the way that I do Because I feel bad that I made them feel like that.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, no, it does make sense. And also it's in a way like I have an expectation on them that they shouldn't feel bad if I am a certain way. Similar to what we talked about over here, right? So there's almost a judgment going on them that they shouldn't feel a certain way because if they do feel a certain way, you're going to feel responsible for it or whatever.

Yes.

Right? But what if you let the bad guy— you're the bad guy. What's bad about being the bad guy? Why not be the bad guy? Why not embrace the bad guy? What does your bad guy look like? Let's see it.

I've done it.

Okay, let's see it.

But I wasn't raised like that.

Okay, well, that's— you weren't raised like it. Do you— any energy that you embody? Okay, so any energy you're— that was bad, by the way. Okay. Bad that you are carrying it down here. So embrace, just embrace the, I'm being sarcastic, obviously. Embrace the energy underneath what that bad guy looks like. Because behind every person that's been catering to someone else's energies is a part of ourselves that we don't allow ourselves to be because we're worried it's bad. We're worried it's not gonna please everybody. But then that bad guy might actually also have a lot of power. Even just being, even just setting boundaries is bad. Even just expressing how you feel is bad. But is it really like despicable me, like evil villain? You know what I mean? Like, no, right? No. So what is, what is the, what if, what if you did embrace that bad guy?

I guess it depends on the situation. I am dealing with some— a situation now where if I feel— it's obviously this is in my head and I realize it— I feel like if I do give my opinion or set a boundary, I might get fired.

Mm, you might get fired.

Yes. Yeah, which wouldn't be a Interesting. Right now, I don't enjoy the job that I'm at now, but it's paying the bills.

So it's funny because all of these things, all the fear, we all do it our own ways. So that's why it's funny, because it's universal.

Yes.

But I'm afraid of expressing how I think and feel or setting a boundary because then certain people will leave my life. Those people that left your life were people that wanted you to run errands for them, that wanted you to overgive, and that were draining your energy because that was the energy that was familiar. Now it's like, okay, I have an opportunity to express myself at my job, but I might lose my job, which I don't really care for anyways. Right? Yes. Maybe if when you express yourself, people don't understand it, they don't resonate with it, or it has an effect of a different outcome, you can trust that when you're in alignment with God and yourself and you're in alignment with what you know is best for you, you can trust that things will rearrange themselves. People will rearrange themselves. Job situations might rearrange themselves. That's not something for you to mitigate though, because the part of you that's trying to control how your mom and sister react, that's like, it's a control.

Yes, I realize that.

It's manipulative.

It is.

You're already a bad guy and you don't even know it. Think about that. Yeah, right. Yes, the thing you avoid being, you're already doing. Hmm. Okay, so how does that feel? How does it feel? What's your name? Confusing.

Alfonso.

Alfonso. Bad guy Alfonso.

It's confusing.

Look at this bad man over here. Get you like a biker jacket, toothpick in his mouth, right? So how does it feel to be so bad?

Um, it's new. Okay, it's new. I can see other people doing it around me. Yeah, like the consequences aren't as bad as they are in my head.

Mm-hmm.

But I think because of— no, I know because of where I'm at right now, mm-hmm, that Because of the work that I've been doing, mm-hmm, I'm like, and just one more— there's a step that I'm taking next. Yeah, that's super scary.

What is that step?

Just the shift to not be working for anybody.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, to be— to be working for myself and yeah, only It's— I'm right there, right there.

You're right there.

But there's— yeah, but what's that?

What's the hesitancy? You're right there. You've got everything in your life readjusting itself. You're at this very powerful place right now where you can, you can allow, trust God or the divine to flow through, express yourself without attachment to what happens. You're already— it feels like you're already in this spot of having the courage to start the process. If you express yourself, it sounds like, and you lose your job, it sounds like there's not a lot of resistance to that. It's okay because you know deeper down there's a next level that wants to evolve. So what if the tension that comes from the people or the experiences is your initiation into a new you? What if that's your initiation?

Okay.

How does that feel? If you were to let, It's gonna take courage. Like, what you could do is you could put all this stuff on the back burner and you could wait. You could wait and wait till you feel ready.

No, I've been doing that.

Exactly.

I've been doing that.

Yeah, that's what most people do. Most people wait until they're ready. They wait till it feels right. They wait till the right time is to have the uncomfortable conversation. But guess what? There's never the perfect time to have an uncomfortable conversation. There's never the perfect time to quit your 9-to-5 job and to start like, you know, go after your purpose or to start putting yourself out there. You'll always find reasons to stay where you are. Just like for 2 years before I was on YouTube, I was talking myself out of it in many ways until one day I decided I'm gonna freaking go for it. And sometimes it was the pain of that 9 to 5 job that motivated me. I had people that I worked for that I did not resonate with that had corporate politics set up that got away with a lot. It was a whole bunch of BS he had to deal with. And I said, I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to take it into my own hands. There's uncertainty with that because you're— I had a consistent paycheck. I had to become my own boss.

I have a consistent paycheck.

Yep.

I have the same politics. I have people around me that are protected by upper management.

Yep.

That I, if I speak up, I have spoken up about and I've lost a shift.

Yeah.

Because I've spoken up about these people and I'm getting— I'm like at that point, I'm sick of it.

Yeah.

But I— here's my excuse. I'm, uh, you hold it up a little bit. My mom's— I'm my mom's primary caretaker.

Yeah.

So there's like, it's not just about me. So Yeah, there we go.

So that's it.

Yeah, that's where the hesitancy is.

Yeah, I get it.

Even though I kind of enjoy the job, if there's all of that stuff is there, right? So yeah, I'm more— I think I'm more scared about not being able to support not just myself but also my mother. Yeah, or the house, my house, all that stuff, like the material.

Is it true that your mom is not supported unless you step in?

Um, yes.

She won't— she cannot find other— there's no other—

she has— I have brothers and sisters.

Okay, interesting.

Don't— I've— this past year I've felt like I know what an only child feels like I don't have any help from them.

Right. Well, sounds like there might be opportunity for more conversations. Now I say this because my dad, he takes care of my grandma a lot and he takes care of her because he's the path of least resistance because he's so nice. She would never, it's interesting, she would never ask my uncle who passed away a while ago, but she would never put that energy onto my uncle for some reason. But my dad, she always did. And even then, big family, big family on this. And there's other people that reach out to my dad. Can you just do this for her? Can you just do this for her? Because she's kind of hard to please.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Oh, I get that.

Right? So the thing is, is my dad is caught up in the same thing because He's always kind of oscillating between, you know, kind of like saying no and letting her like learn her mistakes and stuff, or going in to fix her or help her or take care of her. And part of it is like, oh, no one else will do it. Well, there are actually other people in the family that will do it, but he's the one that's the most able to be manipulated. Yes.

That's where the whole boundaries thing comes in.

Yes. Yes. You guys see this right now?

Yeah.

So like, as we undo these layers, it's like the fear, once again, the fear is like, you must take care of your mom. And if you don't take care of your mom, it's like, you know, that's probably, probably feels like death or feels like many.

It feels cause you know, she's, well, you don't know, but she's, she's got a walker and right. She's a little bit more frail.

88. Yep.

And but what is—

is there a breakthrough potential from having conversations with other people in your family? Brothers, sisters, uncles?

I've had, and it hasn't— it like, it, it hasn't worked. It hasn't worked.

And you were— were you typically—

because they know that I'm there, huh? Because they know that I'm there.

Yep.

Like they don't even call. It's just, it doesn't make any sense to me.

Yeah, well, we could, we could try and we could like, we could do like a flowchart and try to figure out like the whole family. But, but at the same time, it's like, what, where is the power for you? Where is the lesson for you? Or the, the energy that you could be— where have you not been listening to yourself or expressing yourself? And where is the breakthrough here for you? Not dependent on what happens. You see what I mean? Like what happens, we don't know. Once again, we've talked many times about all these things that we could hypothesize will happen if we do it. You don't know though, when you shift this energy, other opportunities and other things could come in, right? Other people could step up because the energy and the tiptoe energy isn't there as much as it was. Processing and empowering instead of enabling or feeling guilty.

Yeah.

So where is there an opportunity for you to express yourself with no attachment to outcome of what happens with my work? With your work. So that's maybe the least— the, like, the low-bearing fruit, right?

Yes.

So with your work. Now, with your work, is it involved expressing something that's happening at the job, or does it— imagine, does it—

no, it's— see, it's my artwork that I do It's the only thing that puts me into that state where I lose track of time.

Yeah, so that's what you're passionate about.

I step back. I'm passionate about it. I can't tell what time it is. Just kind of everything flows. And I know it's good, but it's never been considered a real career.

Why?

Because there's no degree on the wall.

Okay, you need a degree on the wall.

No.

No, you don't need a degree on a wall.

Everyone else—

who's everyone else?

My family has always been—

okay, well, you're an artist, right?

Yes.

Okay, yes. So maybe instead of looking to the family and the degree on the wall as the, as the marker, there's many, many, many artists that are full-time artists that do not have degrees. Is that correct?

Yes, I have a couple of friends that are good examples.

Good. So you already have friends that are, are they full-time artists?

Yeah, they're actually in the same field.

Oh, beautiful. So.

Who are making a living.

And they're making a living. So what would it look like for you to begin embodying that same energy? 'Cause you have people around you that are already doing it, which is a good reflection, right?

Yeah.

How could you, how are you holding yourself back right now from just doing it, starting?

Posting my work. On Instagram.

There we go. You've never done that?

A couple of times.

How could you— like, what if you committed to that moving forward?

Uh, I have started this past couple of weeks. I just got two flash drives of all my work and stuff that I wasn't able to get— have before.

Yeah.

And just kind of downloaded everything onto my laptop and organized it.

So maybe the next step is to actually post it.

Yes.

Okay. Yes. Well, let's do that. Yeah. So posting, so the thing is, is once again, it's never gonna feel like the perfect time. There's, I cannot tell you how many times I meet people that wanna be doing what I do for a living on YouTube or sharing their message, et cetera. And they're like, okay, I'm gonna get 10 videos. I'm gonna make 10 videos and store them and then I'm gonna post them all at once. No, you start. The key is to start. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to make the choice to start. And as you start, things are gonna come up for you. Things are gonna come up. You're gonna worry about what your family thinks. You're gonna worry about what your friends think. You're gonna worry if you're being judged by your coworkers. You're gonna compare it to your coworkers' stuff. You're gonna compare your art to your coworkers' art or your friends' art. Like all of this stuff is gonna come up. But when it comes up is how you can start processing it and getting through it instead of waiting. The waiting is allowing you to stay in the old patterns that feel familiar. That's what's going on. So it really, what if your identity shifted and instead of seeing yourself as Alfonso, Alfonso, right?

Yes.

Alfonso the waiter. What is the other, what is another name or an adjective or descriptive term that you could use? That describes this new you you're embodying?

The artist.

The artist, okay. But what kind of— how, like, it sounds like you're an artist that's— what's more specific to that? I'm looking for something that's more consistent, somebody that's like—

I just got my teaching degree in Suigetsu Ikebana this past year.

You have a teaching degree?

A Suigetsu practitioner, yes.

You have a teaching degree? Yes. I thought we just talked about— I thought you said you didn't have a degree. It's, it's not.

Okay. So it's not—

we don't have to go into it, but I have sisters.

I have a sister and her husband are attorneys. My other sister—

I get it. That kind of degree. Yeah. Like a 6 to 10 degree.

Family recognizes.

Yes. Got it. Okay.

As a real career.

So what would it look like then to not need to compare yourself to the family members' wall of like all these degrees? And instead to focus on what's authentic for Alfonso to put out in the world. Your degree is you posting.

And having everybody see it.

Yeah, because an artist, the value in the artist's work is what people can view and appreciate.

Yes.

Right?

Yes, I realize that.

Does anybody really view and appreciate when they look at a whole bunch of degrees on a wall? No. They notice it and they're like, good for you, but they're not like, oh my God. Wow, look, lawyer. Wow, brother, your brother. Oh, wow.

So I, I, my experience was a little bit of that when we were growing up. So I, I obviously, I think that that's playing in the back.

It might be, but are you gonna let that continue to stop you?

No.

So up until now, you've let it hold you back.

Yes.

But up until now, you, Alfonso the artist, are posting your degree on the wall every time you post on Instagram. That is your degree.

Yeah.

Your degree is you posting yourself, sharing your art with the world with no attachment to what friends and family think. You're sharing it because you're an artist. Just like me speaking at these, like this is who I am. I speak, I interact with people. This feels more in alignment for me than when I'm at my house just like trying to make myself make a YouTube video. This feels more like me. You are more you when you are being the artist Alfonso that also posts. And when you post, that is your degree. That is your credibility. That is you starting to put yourself out there. But your response, your job is not to manage what everyone thinks and feels. Your job is just to post. And through the posting, you begin to shift your identity. You know, when I started on YouTube, I had a self-image that I'm not a hard worker. I literally thought I was lazy. I was not a hard worker. I committed to daily videos on YouTube. And over 2 or 3 months of making daily videos, people would ask me that were YouTubers, how are you able to make daily videos? And the funny thing was that it was easy once I did it consistently. I didn't have to think about it. It's like I just go home every day, I make a video, I schedule it to go out the next day, and I make the thumbnail and title. It was easy. But people would say that, people, wow, you have a really strong work ethic. Wow, you have a really strong work ethic. It'd be like if you were painting an art and I were like, oh, it's been 2 hours, Alfonso, you're still painting. You have a great work ethic. Your work ethic is so strong. And you're like, what are you talking about?

That makes sense. I mean, I go for hours and it's, yes. If I were to step outside of myself, I would look at myself and be like, I do have a great work ethic.

Yeah, you do have a great work ethic, but part of that work ethic now, so the identity is already there of having a great work ethic. And every single one of you has some flow state you get into where you don't have to push yourself to work. You guys feel that? Something, you don't have to push yourself to work. So for you, The only new thing you're adding into this is Alfonso the artist who gets into a flow state and has crazy great work ethic, but of course it's just you doing what you love. We're just tying to that the posting.

Okay.

The posting on Instagram is a part of your identity. Alfonso the artist expresses himself and is not attached to what other people think and feel. Okay. You let people like you or not like you. Let people resonate with your work or not resonate with your work. Let people compare your work or not compare your work. That's not your job. Your job is Alfonso the artist who posts his work and is proud of it.

Yeah, I am proud of my work when I post.

Yeah.

Or when I do it.

I haven't really posted. So what is the— okay, you're gonna leave this event. When and how are you gonna set this up for yourself?

I'll probably I'll post something this evening.

There we go. Yeah, there we go. I don't know if we have a group for this event, but yeah, you post it, share it, and hopefully we can all see it or something.

But I'll share it on—

are you in High Vibe Tribe? That's cool.

Okay, Shift Academy.

Perfect. We'll share it there and we'll all, we'll all, we'll all see it and it'll be a powerful celebration for you in this, like, this new identity.

Awesome.

They get to bring in, okay. Awesome. Thank you very much. Let's give it up for him. Yeah, thank you so much.

Appreciate you.