EMPATHS, If You Feel Something’s ‘Wrong’ with You… WATCH THIS

Are you attracting narcissists in your life and controlling people? Could be part of it. The other part of it though is every little thing that happens, you interpret as a narcissist, right? Somebody's like, there's this narcissist running around rampant everywhere. Narcissist. We sometimes have these energies where every little thing, somebody disagrees or whatever, and we just automatically, the trauma gets brought up. And we feel it inside of our field and then it's like, see, you're like mom or dad or whatever. And just to kind of clarify, when it comes to narcissism and empath, what happens is narcissism and empath are both rooted in a shame-based energy. Does this make sense? The belief is I'm broken or there's something wrong with me. Now what happens is if you were to imagine, let's imagine that there's like two kids and this can happen by the way, imagine there's two kids with a narcissistic parent, one kid becomes a narcissist, one kid becomes an empath. What is the difference and what causes this to happen? Well, imagine if as an adaptive strategy, as a kid, there was a lot of tension in the household and you didn't feel safe. Imagine on the level of the narcissist, you were able to turn down your ability to feel other people's emotions or energies. You turn down your ability to feel and then you are able to use control as a mechanism to get your needs met on the narcissism side. And a lot of times that can also be rooted in a certain level of anger. So that's why there could be that aggressiveness or the passive aggressiveness, what some people call covert narcissism. On the other side of that, imagine you're an empath, you can feel other people's energies, you've turned up your ability to feel other people's emotions. So what happens is you have this extreme sensitivity to other people's emotions so that you know, how do I have to be in order to get my needs met in order to feel safe? So both of these are dynamics that people will use in order to get their needs met. And that's why a lot of times there's the trap, there's the trap of the empath narcissist trap where they will attract each other And one of the reasons being is because they have the same core wound. The same core wound is there. Both of them believe they're not worthy. The means to which they become worthy are very different but also similar. The narcissist will control and manipulate the environment to get their needs met and then feels not worthy. So there's normally a mask over that. And then what the empath does is the empath subconsciously trying to control things and manipulate their environment by asking, who do I need to be to get validation and approval from this person? And what they do a lot of times is they'll put someone else on a pedestal. So they'll put someone else's energy on a pedestal wanting to get their approval. So it becomes like a game. The game over here from the narcissist side is how much, how can I get my needs met by controlling and demanding? And over here it's who do I need to be to relieve tension? How can I help this other person over here because they have my validation and approval approval. Is this making sense? So what happens is they're both trying to get their needs met. They just have very different strategies for how they go about doing so. And both— one has turned down their ability to feel and the ability to tune to others, and one has turned up their ability to tune to others. So very often this is about becoming aware of this middle ground that can exist right in between where you learn subject-object individuation. How many of you heard me talk about that before? The frame technique, maybe we'll talk about that in a little bit. But in general, when it comes to this, understand that narcissism and empath, they're both rooted in an energy of shame. And shame is a belief that there's something wrong with me. It's a belief that there's, that there's, it's an energy that does not want to be felt. It does not wanna be seen. "Don't want other people to see the shame, so who do I have to be? How do I hide this? What mask do I have to put on so that nobody sees the shame?" But the funny thing is that the way that you get through that shame is by actually allowing yourself to feel it, allowing it to come up. And this is what we call vulnerability. Vulnerability literally means vulner and ability. Vulner means wound. It's your ability to go into the wound, the ability to show the wound, the ability to feel it. And in that feeling of that, you allow that energy to begin to dissipate. But if you avoid the shame, if you avoid feeling the shame, what you end up doing is you end up trying to get your needs met in different ways. You end up masking it. You know, there's a lot of very successful people. I had an old shadow work coach who would work with some of the highest level CEOs. He had a double PhD in Carl Jungian psychology. And he said that most of these extremely successful entrepreneurs he works with, they're shame-based. Shame-based, meaning they feel not good enough. They feel like there's something wrong with them. So they use control or they use business as a means to tip the scale in their favor. And he says one of the common things that people will believe is, well, the shame got me here, right? It helped me create success. If I let go of the shame, I'm going to lose all the success. But he says it's the opposite. It's once you learn how to let go of that shame that's inside of your body, you start operating from a deeper level of presence. Does this make sense? You start operating from a place where you're not trying to use this as a means to feel good enough, use this as a means of success so that you can finally prove it to other people. You start more so being in an energy where you're more in your sense of self. And you're knowing that this isn't a means to an end, it becomes an end of itself to engage with other people, to be passionate about your business or whatever it is. So it's an interesting thing though, because it's like from a certain level, I can see that maybe my market, like I would say I have a strong marketing ability when since I got on YouTube where I wouldn't have over a million followers on YouTube. So I'm good at marketing. Part of me has become aware that in the past, especially the first 2 or 3 years on YouTube, there was a part of me that thought if I can add so much value to people and I can help so many people, then I'll be worthy. Then I'll be somebody that's like not just adding value in the world, but there was a part of my sense of self-worth that was tied up in that. And what happened is as I remember, I had a goal for the longest time when I first got on YouTube, my goal was 100,000 subscribers 'cause I wanted to get outta my 9-to-5 job. And I remember that once I hit 100,000 on YouTube, it wasn't some like the balloons came down and I, you know, it was like this big party celebration. It was like it felt pretty normal. And then what happened is the ego goes, okay, you got the 100,000. What about the 200,000? What about 250,000? That's like a quarter of a million. What about 500,000? That's like half a million. It's like it just kept pushing this barometer more and more. Up until all the way to the point where I was visualizing the million subscriber, the gold plaque that they give on YouTube. And then I remember actually, you want to know when it actually happened, by the way, when the biggest growth came is when I just let go. It's when I stopped trying to look at what titles would do best on YouTube. I stopped trying to grow even, and I just started following my passion and I started just creating content that I wanted to make with the intention of adding value, not necessarily to add value to then be worthy, but I didn't really focus on it at all. And what was funny was when I was trying to go on YouTube so that I could take my business to the next level, there was a lot of resistance. I was playing a certain game. When I let go and I stopped focusing on it and I started focusing more on the energy, that's when things got taken to a next level. I remember having videos go viral. I remember all of these things happening and I didn't really care because I was in the energy of my passion. So it's funny because when I look at the trajectory of my YouTube channel, even there was a part of me that in the beginning was more shame-based, was more like, if I can, if I can add value, I'll be worthy. But then eventually what happened is I realized that it, it doesn't feel any different. And then when I actually got the million YouTube plaque, got to my house, I remember looking at it and actually, funny enough, being a little bit ashamed because of all the energy I put into this thing to get this gold star. It's almost like somebody puts it on my refrigerator and it's like, "Good job, Aaron, you did it." And I'm like, "Yes, I did it." But then I'm like, "This feels no different." And then I started looking more at my ego and the desire for this. And it was like I had to also learn how to not judge myself. I'm like, "Oh, this." How many of you find yourself judging yourself sometimes for your past versions of you? Exactly. Maybe there were times where you didn't set boundaries with certain people and you beat yourself up. You're like, You think of things like when you're walking away or like 2 days later, right? You're like, oh, I could have said this. I could have just laid down the law right there, but I didn't do it. But understand, you're always doing the best you can with the level of consciousness you're at. You guys get that? You're doing the best you can with what you got. And in the moment, that awareness wasn't there, but now you got that lesson. And guess what? Now that you have that, you can also learn to trust yourself and you can also learn not to judge yourself so damn much, right? 'Cause you judge yourself, it's all like there's a subconscious part of ourselves that's used to certain familiarized emotion as a kid. So if we felt judged as a kid, if we felt shame as a kid, if we felt like things weren't fair as a kid, we will go out into the world and we will attract all the people in our lives to continue to reflect these stories back to us. So we'll continue to attract people, relationships, bosses, friendships that always reflect these back. And the challenge is if we believe that the problem is out there, it's in them. But understand that your belief about people that take advantage of your energy, your belief about things that aren't fair, that belief is in you. And that's when, nope, some people don't like to hear that. Like if I make an Instagram clip that's like, you know, change your story, like it's you have the power, it doesn't do as well because there's this like energy on Instagram where everyone likes to blame, right? Everyone wants to blame the narcissist. Everyone wants to blame the angry person. Everyone wants to blame because it feels good to blame. You wanna know why it feels good to blame? Because you don't have the power. You get to stay in childhood. You get to stay in, it was not fair that authority figure in my life had control over me. It wasn't fair. So what happens is you get to stay in that energy and you continue to get the payoff of, you see, things weren't fair when you were a kid. You see, people are mean. You see, you can't trust people. And that's a sad thing is at the expense of happiness, we are willing to try to be right about reality write about people that are controlling, write about how life's not fair at the expense of happiness. And this is why one of the most powerful things we can learn to do is to take our energy back and to take and own our beliefs. This is something that I talk about some other events that I've done where there's a certain, there's so many bits of information around us from a quantum physics point of view that what happens is we only see a very small fraction of the bits of information around us. It could be as much as 10 to 15 million bits of information around us at any given moment, but we can only perceive about 100 bits per second of information. So what happens is, on one hand, are you attracting controlling people or whatever the dynamic is, or are you also projecting it onto the other people and they are playing out those energy dynamics with you because it's what you expect them to do? Gets a little trippy, doesn't it? 'Cause on one hand, but see, it feels better though to be in the energy of, no, see, they're this fixed way, they're not gonna change and they're the issue, right? That feels, that activates the system. And part of the thing is though, with people that are empaths, they experience, there's a certain level with empaths or people that can feel other people's energies. A lot of times there's some anger that hasn't been expressed there. So that anger is then towards the controlling person, the narcissist or whatever the phrase is. So it's looking for an outlet for it, right? And in that story, the thing is, is it's good to actually embrace the anger. It's good when you're setting boundary. Like if you feel anger, what does the emotion of anger tell you? What does the emotion of anger say? Discomfort. Discomfort. It's anger is an expression that someone crossed the line. It's a boundary. It's a boundary play. Now it's good to feel anger, to allow yourself to release the anger, but not necessarily to stay. You don't need to stay in it, but as you allow yourself to feel it and process it, you allow it to leave. But one of the, outta this whole little talk right here, really begin to become aware of where in your life are you having a certain fixed story about reality. If you feel like you can't trust men or women, if you feel like people are this type of way, friends don't show up on time. That was the thing I used to deal with, whereas like people wouldn't show up on time and I would get so like, you know, if you say you're gonna show up on time, show up on time. I'm busy. You're not respecting my time and energy. You don't know how busy I am, whatever. Right? And for a long time there was this, that things, you know, that's like a story. Things aren't fair. This is not cool. And then that was like a whole thing to work through. But one thing I had to eventually own was that that belief, that expectation is inside of me. Is this making sense? So I had to take ownership of that. So what do you do? What is that? What do you do? What do I do? Yeah. To heal that? One, there was a couple different things. There were times where I would realize that it would really bug me if I was, I remember when I lived in Vegas, I had this guy that was the, he was a really well-priced like handyman and he would come over to the house and I loved the guy. He was so cool, but he would, whatever time he said he would show up, he'd show up like hours later. And he would say like, I'll be there at 1. Yeah, let me go, I'll be there at 1, I'll be there at 1, I'll be there at 1. I'm like, okay, 1 o'clock 'cause I'm going to the gym at 2. Are you gonna be here at 1? 'Cause I'm going to, you know, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna be there. And then around like 3 o'clock comes around and he's still not there. And then after 2 or 3 times of that, it was starting to piss me off. Well, one of the breakthroughs was around eventually I started to tell him, there was like a block for me actually vulnerably even expressing it. So that was part of the breakthrough. It's like, listen, I love you working on my house, I love your energy, we vibe, it's all great, But I do have like, I plan out my day and when you show up hours later, it's not acceptable. So either you show up on time or I find someone else. And that's basically what ended up happening. And it was shortly when I was leaving, I was leaving Vegas shortly after that so it wasn't like, it didn't turn into some big thing, it was just like one or two more things I needed. But just to express it, felt good. It felt like it was what I had to do. And that's where the breakthrough was. Now, on the other side of that, sometimes the breakthrough could be to loosen up, right? How many of you see that a breakthrough could be to express yourself and a breakthrough could also be to loosen up? It could also be to like not need to be so tight and rigid on time, right? Also, a lot of times, If people do have like, there's, it's almost like if you felt like you couldn't trust a parent growing up, if a parent said they were gonna do something and then didn't do it, it's like that's what's getting brought up. It's like here's this handyman guy showing up a little bit late and it's like, oh, dad said he would do this and didn't do it. So it brings up all of that stuff under the surface. Is that making sense? But sometimes we're just not aware of these energies that are subconscious. Did you have one final comment you wanted to make? I know we kind of went on a rant there, but one real quick comment and then we'll move on. Yeah, so one thing I understood while you were talking is that I use shame to control myself and not stepping out of my comfort zone. Right. So it's like shame if you do it and then shame if you don't do it. And then shame, like, it's just like we keep finding ways to feel. So really what it is though, here's the interesting thing. Shame is the familiarized emotion and energy. So whatever filter you're looking through, you will find more evidence to feel that shame, right? Whatever the context is, it really doesn't matter. Shame because you shouldn't be feeling lonely, shame because you should be doing this, shame because you're in Vegas and you should be going out. It's like, and then it's shame because you left Vegas and you could have done more. It's like the shame is there because it's familiar. So it's like the energy is active. So we look for more and more excuses to feel shame. Really, there's a part of us that may feel so familiarized with shame. We know shame, but maybe don't know the emotion of love or vulnerability or passion or connection. So this one feels safer. So in a way, it's like sometimes people may feel guilt, right? Guilt around like setting boundaries or guilty for someone else's emotions. And really what it could be is, they familiarized and been subconsciously addicted to the emotion of guilt. So they find more and more experiences in reality to feel guilty about, right? So it's like, oh, now I feel responsible for this person's emotions. I set a boundary with this person and I shouldn't have done so. It's like, it's looking for expression because it wants to be felt. It wants to be felt and acknowledged. So my question to you would be, or my suggestion to you, is to begin going and connecting to your own inner child that feels shame. Because every one of us has an inner child inside of us that feels shamed or that feels some form of negative emotion that they feel they're not allowed to feel. So it could be shame, it could be guilt, could be just feeling not worthy, which is also a lot of times connected to shame. But what happens is if we don't acknowledge that energy inside of ourselves, we will go out into the world and we will find people to express it back to us or we'll find reasons to feel it in relation to other people. Does this make sense? So what happens is it's almost like there's a subconscious goal that says shame is what I know. Shame is in alignment with my belief systems. I get to be right about reality. So who can I find around me to reflect this shame energy back? Now this flips the script because everyone says, I don't want the shame. I don't want the shame, I wanna get rid of it. But in fact, there's a part of you that doesn't wanna get rid of it. There's a part of you that gets a payoff from it. There's a part of you that it's become, it's familiar, it's what you know. The payoff is playing small because if I feel the shame, I wouldn't go out and I'm not gonna risk myself. Right. Yeah, which is funny though because you could just let it be in the future when you're feeling that shame Let it be something that you recognize you're allowing yourself to feel and then continue to take action anyways, just like you did today with like feeling the emotion. You can let it control you or you can learn to embrace it and to lean into it and to take action anyways. It's looking for expression to be felt and then also connecting to that inner child part of you that may not have felt seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured growing up. When you start to acknowledge that part of you, the nervous system will relax more. You'll start to feel different about yourself because that part of you will start to trust again. Whereas before, that part of you couldn't trust. So when you say, "That's my chair, don't take it," what's happening is there's a part of you that's like, there's like a little, there's like a child part of you that feels finally in their power. So it's a good thing, it's a breakthrough. But there's a level above that too. The level above that is where there's that trigger, 'cause that trigger's still gonna control you. That was still a breakthrough and I wanna acknowledge that. It was a breakthrough and it was something that allowed you to step more into your power. At the same time, if we are resisting certain energies in our life, like control, we're like, somebody better not show up late, somebody better not show up late, somebody better not show up late. Where is that energy, right? It's inside my field and then I'm gonna find more and more people to play it out and I'm like, well, 'Cause I'm resisting it, right? And it's like you now don't have the shame around claiming your chair. At the same time, there is a level that is above that. There's a level to where that's not, you don't need to protect yourself to begin with. Does that make sense? It's like there's a level to myself where I can trust the flow of my life, where I trust that I'm where I need to be, when I need to be there, with who I need to be with, right? And then the funny thing is when you're not resisting it, people don't show up late. When you value your own, where in my life was I not valuing my own time? Where in my life was I putting a very high expectation on other people? You know, I had a lot of high expectation as me as a kid, very high expectation of how I had to be to survive. So it's very sometimes normal, I think, for us to have the same expectations of ourself. And then also to put those expectations on other people, right? Control, because control feels quote unquote safe. So let this be a breakthrough of realizing the energy's inside of you and it's breakthroughs to be able to claim and to be able to take your power back, to be able to express yourself to someone else. But then there's also, as you deal with that inner child and as you allow yourself to feel that emotion, you may find that you're not gravitating towards resistant experiences experiences that kind of make you have to express yourself where if something does come up, you can handle it, but it's not driving you. It's not the thing that's controlling you. Because even by saying, even by running around and saying, I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this, it's still controlling you. Does this make sense? So it's almost like when your energy field is clear, you're good either way. You're good if someone comes over and says this, you're good if they don't. It's cool either way. And when you get neutral like that, it's not apathy. When you get neutral, it's when you've actually processed the emotion on the inside. It's spiritual bypassing when you feel it and then you don't speak up and you're like, "Oh, whatever, it's okay." Does that make sense? So there's a difference there, but the difference is in the energy. One of the most powerful videos for you to watch next is a video that I actually did of a clip at a live event in Los Angeles. I show the difference between empath and narcissist energetically. I talk about how to actually heal as an empath, what's really going on on the inside. And I show you step by step how you can transform your life from the inside out as an empath. This is one of my most popular videos that I've done. It's also from a live event with over 200 people in the crowd. It was an awesome energy. And I'm gonna go ahead and put it right here. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower