Find Your "FRAME" & Become Attractive AF (by doing this ONE thing)

The degree to which you are in your own frame is going to be the degree to which you are attractive, the degree to which you pull people into your reality, the degree to which people can feel the energy coming off of you, and the degree to which you also feel like the hero of your own movie, the star of your own movie, instead of the cameo in other people's movies. Now, the thing that I'm going to be sharing in this video is step by step how to completely transform your life from the inside out by maintaining your own frame, being inside your own body, having a clear vision in your life so that people begin to tune to your reality rather than you falling in the place of what everyone else wants you to be. Now, the first thing I could say about this, like honestly, this is something that for a while I did not have figured out. It's funny, on YouTube they say that most teachers teach the shit they're learning. And that is so true when I look out on YouTube in general and also in myself. When I was like moving through love blocks like a year or two ago, I made a lot of videos on attracting love because I was reading hundreds of videos on love, psychology, inner child shadow, all that stuff. Now, in many ways, this is something that I have had to learn how to master and it's something I'm not 100% have it all figured out yet, but have come a damn long way since before, you've probably even seen it in my videos if you've been watching me for a while, my energy now is very different than my energy 2, 3 years ago. Like, like this video if that's the case for you. I'm not saying that to get likes, get the validation, but like literally just if you see a difference in my energy and you used to watch my videos, like it and then look at how many people like the video, okay? Now, first thing when it comes to frame to understand is that first let's define out what a frame is. Now, a frame is your frame of reality. They say that between two people, the one that has the strongest frame of reality will influence the other person. Now, even when I say this, I'm not saying this so that we're gonna have our own frame, we're gonna dominate every conversation and dominate every group dynamic. This isn't about manipulation and control. This is about expressing the real you and understanding that rather than being a leaf in the wind, and getting tuned to like what everyone else is doing. The key is to be in your own frame and be the real you, and that will have a very powerful effect on reality. Now, for example, let me show you the first time I really began to understand this when I was like back in 2017. So first off, purpose and meaning. When I found my purpose and I began living that purpose, my passion, which to me was making YouTube videos, that's when in a way reality started to change for me. That's when people started to respond to me differently. The interesting thing was that as I started to make daily videos on YouTube, I had to have more boundaries with friends. I had to have more boundaries with other people in my life because I had a vision. I had something I was moving towards. And having that purpose, Having that intention meant there were more things I was saying no to. It's funny, I was watching a video of MrBeast recently where he, I like his interviews because he's so passionate about YouTube. He's the number one YouTuber. He's got over 100 million followers and all he wants to do is, I wanna make the best videos possible. I wanna make the best videos possible. I wanna make the best videos possible. This dude is a YouTube nerd. All he does is study. He's like, I've studied thousands of retention graphs. In the past. He's like, I put 30,000 hours into learning about story, how to tell better stories. Because he's so, he's got such a purpose. He's always wanted to be not just the number one YouTuber, but he's also like, he does a lot of good with his money. He like has a whole bunch of, he has a whole bunch of charities and like things that he does on his other channels. He doesn't care about money really. He doesn't even like live in a nice house. He lives at his studio and he just likes to work, work, work. But he has a purpose. And he was talking about how, He was on Andrew Schultz's podcast. He was talking about, which is like a comedian, but he was talking about dating his girlfriend, how when he is on a date, his time is so valuable because he's so successful that like 1 or 2 hours is like a couple hundred thousand dollars of lost opportunity cost. And when he only dates like the woman that he dates or whatever, he's like, he's been on like many dates where he just says no because he just doesn't, he can't afford to waste the time. So it's interesting 'cause he's got his whole days planned out to where like he has meetings lined up and he says that even for his meetings, what he does is he has people on standby. So like instead of having a meeting at 12, a meeting at 12:30, a meeting at 1, he has got like 4 or 5 people just on standby at 12 and he knocks out all the meetings as soon as he can and everyone's on standby so he doesn't have to wait on Zoom meetings for people. So what I find interesting about this though is this dude has had such a purpose, such like a meaning to what he's doing. He's been so much in his own frame frame, he probably only lets people on his team that are like super passionate about YouTube that just freaking nerd out about retention graphs and things like that because they're bought into his purpose, they're bought into his frame. Also, frame is in everything we pretty much do in reality. There's media that has a certain frame they are projecting at you. Some people believe it. We have that of like one of the most easy examples to understand this is think about frame in that of a classroom, right? In a classroom when you're going to school, the frame is normally the teacher's leading and you got a whole bunch of kids. Have you ever seen a teacher that lost their frame? Meaning maybe one kid who's like a smartass said something, everyone else started laughing and the teacher's like, "Be quiet," and then people aren't being quiet or something like that. Then what happens is chaos, right? The kids now have a stronger frame than the teacher. So when we're talking about this, being in your own frame is understanding that reality on the outside is just a reflection of your inner frame. Are you in your own frame of reality? And one of the most important parts of this is understanding who the hell you are. Who are you? What are you passionate about? What are your values? For a long time, my values were wanting people's validation and approval, so I'd be a people pleaser so that I could get their validation and approval back in exchange. And that was something that I unconsciously, I was being that version of me without knowing it. This is why awareness is so powerful, not just power, powerful. So what you gotta do is become aware of who the hell you are. What are your values? What is important to you? In other words for values, like what is important to you? Until you become aware of a lot of the childhood values, things that you valued as a kid, which normally were the things you didn't receive as a kid. Think about that. You may have valued other people's approval or validation. Why? 'Cause you didn't receive it when you were a kid. So now you look for it in the outside and then you end up might being a people pleaser, a nice guy or something, which has a very weak frame. It's literally saying like, give me frame. A nice guy or a people pleaser is walking around like, "Are you my frame?" You know, like the, are you, there's this book I used to read as a kid. It's called, was it called like, "Are You My Mommy" or something like that? It was like a little bird that was walking around like, "Are you my mommy? Are you my mommy?" When you walk around as a people pleaser or a nice guy, you're like, "Are you my frame? Can you give me frame?" And then nice guys and people pleasers and empaths, they attract narcissists. You wanna know why? Narcissists are the unhealthy opposite of a lack of, like instead of having a frame, it's like they have, a very toxic frame. They have to control everything and they need to manipulate everything. So then what happens is the empaths are like, do you have frame? Do you have frame? Do you have frame? And then people that don't give you frame or people that don't give you the toxic frame, you may normally think are just, oh, they're just boring. They're just boring. There's not this crazy codependency toxicness that felt familiar in childhood. But instead of going around going, can you give me frame? Can you give me frame? Can you give me frame? It's instead realizing who are you? What are you passionate about? I had to stop valuing validation and approval and start valuing authenticity and vulnerability. I had to start realizing, wait, what is my, remembering what is my why? What is my purpose? What is my meaning? And as I started to become aware of that, it changes everything. Even in, for example, Little example, there's this, this house that I live in, there's a pool that has a leak. There's like a leak somewhere. It's kind of annoying. Um, I can't turn on the pool from the Jacuzzi into the pool. I have to only have the pool on because it leaks and somehow it's like leaking on the side of the pool and I lose like lots and lots of water. Now for example, with this whole analogy of the pool and the pool leaking, before I moved into this house, I had it inspected. I had it inspected by some guy that came out here. He inspected the pool. He said, this is the problem. And he said, it's just this little caulking that goes in the side. That's all you gotta fix. I fixed it. And after I fixed it, guess what? It didn't fix the problem. I paid this guy out of my own pocket, like $1,500 or like a lot of money. I think it was like $1,000 for him to come and inspect the pool because I was buying the house and didn't wanna buy it with like not knowing what's wrong with the pool. So I fix it, doesn't work. Right now in Austin, it's been a couple months. That pool's still leaking and I'm like, I need to fix this. I'm calling around everywhere in Austin, people, like the pool companies, they're all really busy 'cause as I film this, it's like kind of towards the end of summer. So it's like impossible to get anyone out here to like look at the damn pool. So I text the guy and originally I text him a couple weeks ago and I was really nice to him. I have to catch myself in these patterns. I was nice in the sense like, hey, can you come by and look at this thing? I was just like saying it like that. But he's like, I'm busy, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, that pool looks familiar. And I knew that he was the one that inspected the pool. So I had a feeling that I could be a little bit more like assertive with him. Like, look, I paid you to do this thing. You came, it wasn't what you said it was. I'd like for you to come back to give me a little bit more information because everywhere else is booked right now. And I know he's like, I'm booked out for weeks, but it just wouldn't have happened if I would've maybe hired somebody else. So even this morning, for example, I text this guy and I'm like, listen, I was like, you know what, why am I not being vulnerable? Why am I not like sharing how I really think and feel? I have to remind myself. And I literally texted him and I was like, listen, I asked you, originally I paid you to come out here to do this. You said it was this, I got that fixed, it wasn't this. And I'd really like, I'd really appreciate if you came out here and looked at it because maybe if I would've used someone else, this wouldn't have happened. And I'll see what he says. But in general, it felt more real for me to express that than for me to like kind of know that he was the guy, but like let him kind of slide by putting me on the back burner over and over again? That's something that like is like important to understand about yourself is just, are you adhering, like there's always two frames in any dynamic. And you can, by the way, you can use this to reframe your own energy, to reframe your own energy. You may be somewhere where it is like, you may be somewhere where somebody tells you, "Oh, you're too short," or something like that. You can reframe that and be like, "I'm like the perfect height," or, "You're too tall," or some shit. You know, you can use it in any way you want. I was watching a video recently of my buddy Owen and Julian talk about this, and they use this nice example where it's like you see somebody else, and it's like people feel insignificant or whatever 'cause they don't have a lot of money. but you can hold the frame that like, I don't have a lot of money and it's like, I have more freedom because of that. I have more money, more problems. I have less problems. So you can use this reframing technique to like assert your own reality to where you don't feel shame. You don't feel like there's something broken with you because if you feel like there's something wrong with you and you feel like whatever you're embodying isn't good, then other people will feel that off of you. You could just own your frame. You can own a freckle on your face. You could own being short. You can own being tall. You can own whatever it is. If you just embrace and feature it and just lead with it and just know it's perfect, people will respond to you in that way. It's only our own shame, our own insignificance, our own feeling that there's something wrong with us that people feel off of us. So in my own life, the way that I've used this is now I'm becoming aware of when I am tuning to other people and I allow other people to influence me. And I'm realizing that it only happens when I don't have a clear frame or a clear vision of who I am and why I am here. So what I would encourage you to do is to become aware of what is your purpose? What is your meaning? What is the meaning of your life? Understand that if you feel lost in life, that is equating to having a weak frame and you are then being influenced by everyone else. You're influenced by what your mom does, You're influenced by what your dad does or tells you to do. An example of weak frame 2, by the way, is in life, persistence is so powerful because it's a way of practicing reasserting your own frame. I remember back at when I first got one of my first jobs, I went to apply at Nordstrom Rack. I knew I wanted to work there because I knew that I could eventually transfer to the full-line Nordstrom store. If you don't know what Nordstrom is, Nordstrom is pretty much a clothing store. The Rack is like the clothes from the full-line store that gets sent there. It's kind of like a cheaper place. It's just a job or it's an hourly pay. The full-line Nordstrom's is kind of like a Macy's or Nordstrom's or Neiman Marcus. It's like where you go to buy clothes and there's sales commission, there's people that work on commission there that are salespeople that wear suits and stuff. I knew that people that worked there made like 30, you know, $20, $30, $40 an hour. On average from selling 'cause it was commission. So I knew I didn't have enough experience 'cause I was 18 years old to go straight there, so I went to The Rack. When I went to The Rack, I worked there for 6 months. And even when I first went to The Rack, I got interviewed by this guy named Ibrahima who was the men's clothing manager, and I wanted to get into men's clothes. I go, I get interviewed, I thought I did really good on the interview, he said no. I was like, huh, interesting. I felt kind of rejected. But then I got a call from the women's shoe manager who needed someone hired, and I ended up getting in at women's shoes. And thank goodness, because I wouldn't have wanted to work at clothes. Definitely women's shoes was better at that than men's clothes for sure. And what ended up happening is I worked there for 6 months. Then what happened is they had such a high turnover rate at Nordstrom Rack that what they ended up doing is I was like the best employee there, hands down, not just being ego, like I showed up on time, I did everything I was supposed to do. And then what I did is I wanted to transfer, so I put in my request to transfer. This is what happened. I put in my request to transfer and then they tell me, "Oh, I'm sorry, you're not ready to transfer. We don't wanna set you up for failure. You're not ready yet." And I knew it was bullshit. I knew they were just saying that because they wanted me to continue to work there because they had such a high turnover rate. That didn't wanna have to fill my position. So for a day or two, I sat with that. I was like, this feels kind of shitty. And I was like, am I gonna adhere to that frame? I literally thought those words, frame. I'm just kidding, I didn't know what frame was back then, but this is what I thought. I said, you know what? I really wanna get to that. I really wanna get there. And I would like help people that worked from Nordstrom's, the full line store, and I would help them and I would ask them questions like, what's it like to work there? How much do you get paid in commission? I'd ask like really questions I probably shouldn't have been asking, They would tell me, they'd be like, oh, we make like $20, $30 an hour, blah, blah, blah, it's awesome. I was like, man, I wanna fricking work there. And I'd keep getting teased. So then eventually what I did is I said, screw it. I bought a fricking suit. I went to the full line store. I walked over to someone in women's shoes and I said, hello, I'd like to talk to the store manager. Her name was Lori Jo. And they said, okay, then people normally don't do this. I said, I don't care, I'd like to talk to the store manager. And they said, okay, they called the store manager. They said, it's gonna be half an hour wait. I said, okay. I literally, I almost pretended like I had a customer issue because I knew that if I said I wanted a job, they wouldn't have came. So I said, I need to talk to the store manager. If you go to a retail store, you say, I need to talk to the store manager, they'll eventually bring the store manager. So then what happened? Lori Jo come downstairs. I told her the freaking truth. I said, listen, I believe I'm gonna be an awesome, Salesperson. I study personal development stuff. I think I'd be awesome and I would love to work here. Now here's the thing. I wanted to get transferred. I work at the rack. I wanted to transfer here. I told them that and they said that I'm not ready, although I know I'm ready. I believe they're doing this because they want me to stay there. They don't wanna have to fill my position. And she works, you know, in corporate. She knows corporate politics. She understands that that's probably true. So she says, you know what? I like your energy. I'll see what I can do. I go home. The next day I go into work. Guess what happens? I go in, they say, Aaron, we'd like to talk to you in the office. They go in the office and they were super defeated. They're like, we've, uh, we've agreed to let you transfer to the— we don't think this is a great choice, but we've agreed to transfer you to the full-line, uh, Nordstrom store. So you have 2 weeks and you can, uh, you'll go then. And I was so freaking excited. And then something interesting that happened after that is they tried to get, so I worked with one of my best friends and we worked in women's shoes and Liz, the manager, was kind of rude and very difficult to work with. So my last day there, I ended up putting all these like 35% off stickers on shoes that shouldn't have been on. I kind of like screwed it up because I just thought it was funny. And I put like 50 stickers on one shoe. I just thought it was funny. It was just ridiculous. But I was like 18 years old and like that was funny to me. And I did that and thank God the cameras couldn't see me do it in these racks because if they did, I would've been fired because it was like a liability thing because then shoes were marked that were percentage off that shouldn't have been. So basically I transferred over and then I almost got fired because if they could have proved that, I knew that they were trying to fire me for that. So it was an interesting like little thing of form sabotage. However, then I worked at the full line store And then after 6 months, we had a meeting where all the rack people went and the, like a store meeting where all the rack people went and the main store. And I remember this meeting because I was told I was gonna be set up for failure. Within 6 months, I was what they call a freaking all-star. I was an all-star because I gave such great customer service and my sales were so good. It was mainly 'cause of the customer service, but my sales were good. So I then get called up to the front, I win the all-star award, everyone's clapping. And as I win the All-Star Award, I'm looking straight at the people that work at the rack, straight at the manager's eyes that told me, "We're setting you up for failure." Now, why did all of this happen? It felt so good. I was transformed. I felt like if I could do this, I could do anything. So then what ended up happening is I proved it to myself that I can live within my own frame. I can assert my own frame. I can go after what I want. Now, what a lot of people do is they start to live in their frame and then one little thing happens and then they say, okay, I'm gonna back off. I'm not gonna keep going with my frame. The thing is to stay consistent, to stay focused in your own frame, which also means in your own body. Being in your own body, being present to the moment. When it comes to attracting love, the more present you are, the more attractive you are. The more reactive you are, the more you are adhering to other people's frame. As kids, we were in survival mode, many of us. We're tuning, we're tuning, we're tuning. Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Can you gimme frame? Can you gimme frame? Can you please gimme frame? Instead of asking if they can give you frame, it's like focus on being in your body and saying like, what do I wanna do? What do I value? What's important for, what is important to me? And as you begin living in that way, it will completely transform your own life. Being in your own frame is a damn game changer. It will change your life to be in your own frame. You can apply that story that I had earlier to any area of your life. You could choose to go after that which you want. You can know that you're worthy of it. And as you do it, don't wait to know you're worthy of it before you begin. Begin and then your worthiness shit will come up. Your imposter syndrome will come up and it's okay. Become aware of it. Observe it and then realize that I choose to be authentic over seeking validation or approval. And as you choose authenticity and you know it's the most authentic thing for you to follow your purpose, you're gonna feel like you're in your own frame and you can understand that the more you do this, the more powerful your life really is. Now, if you haven't checked out something, it's something called the Magnetic Frame. The Magnetic Frame is a step-by-step process. Am I from Canada now? It's a step-by-step process that shows you step-by-step how to transform your life. I call it the MAP, the Magnetic Activation Process. If you haven't checked that out yet, go to aarondoughty.com/map. M-A-P. It's a free video with a free PDF that shows you how to apply this new frame. And then also, if you want to learn the most powerful way to be in your own frame using what is called the frame technique that has transformed thousands of people's, hundreds of thousands of people's lives, check this video out right here. We're going to do this little activation exercise that you can come back to for the next 21 days. And see how different your energy is. Now, before, the way that I was and the way I showed up in the world is that I was hyper, like I was hyper attached to what people thought of me. I was very sensitive.