John hadn't cried in 20 years, always focused on fixing others' problems instead of feeling his own. In a coaching session, he visualizes his younger self in bright surfer shorts, embraces him, and finally breaks down. He realizes this numbness affects how he hugs his kids and commits to being more present.
I really learned over many years to numb myself and squash my emotions altogether. I was always trying to fix what everybody else was feeling. So I— in fact, Diana had made the comment that she hadn't seen me cry in 20 years. I'm somebody that it's kind of— I had lost my whole self in that provider mentality. And by provider, I'm talking about financially and safety and stability.
So, well, why don't for a moment, John, take a deep breath in, let it go, Sometimes what we do is we want to give away what we wish we would have received growing up. So fixing everyone else becomes a way to give everybody else what we've never allowed ourselves to give ourselves. Can you bring forth into your mind a younger inner child, John? And instead of thinking you need to fix this part of you, maybe all they want is for you to be present. What are you feeling right now, John?
Physically trembling. So I think the version I saw myself— and you can laugh about this because of my age— I saw myself in fluorescent surfer shorts and checkered Vans. But I leaned into myself and gave myself a hug just then. And the interesting— the younger version of myself just kind of melted into me because that's not something I felt a lot of when I was young. In fact, it's felt odd with my own kids. You know, sometimes I feel myself giving them a side hug instead of a real hug when I lean into him, which is something I'm familiar with. My younger self actually called me dad, which is— I'm going to get emotional, sorry. Interesting here.
So you don't have to apologize for your emotions.
Yeah.
The next time you feel the urge to fix, focus on being present and simply observing what's coming up in your body, and acknowledge the part of you that maybe wants to fix, or the part of you that thinks you need to.
Acknowledge that part of you even when it's happening, like, oh, I see you, I may need to put that out to my family 'cause they're gonna wonder what's wrong with me when I stop doing these things.
Right. You modeling this energy, John, will completely change your family energy dynamic between all of you. You sit with that energy, you sit with the present, sit with the energy that comes up. That's your initiation into this new you.
If you can see this, you're about to become so magnetic you are unrecognizable
