How Mastering Detachment will change your life (my method)

People that are not attached have a more magnetic energy, and the degree to which someone is attached is the degree to which they are creating resistance and is also the degree to which they are repelling people from coming into their life. Now, one thing to realize is that no matter how much you try to force something to work, What is not meant for you will never be yours for long. However, what is meant for you, you will find keeps coming and making its way into your life. Now, the key to really experiencing not only a higher vibration, more love, more joy, more peace, but also the key to attracting love and to feeling magnetic has to do with a direct proportion to the degree to which you can be not attached to outcome and not attached to people. Think of even the archetype of the cool guy who's leaning against the lockers in high school. He's got a toothpick in his mouth. He's wearing the leather jacket and he just doesn't care. And you have the viewpoint of all these girls that are super attracted to this dude. 'Cause he just doesn't care. And if you were to contrast that, it's like, why do they like this person? Well, someone that is in their own frame of reality has a more magnetic frame because they don't want anything from someone else. They aren't attached. And the less attached you are, the more magnetic you are. The more attached you are, the more repellent you are because attachment breeds resistance and also attachment breeds projection. When you are seeing someone else and you are hoping they are going to complete you, you are projecting all of this pressure onto them. You are giving them the huge burden of meeting your needs. And a lot of times you take this a step further when it comes to childhood, And if mom or dad did not meet your needs when you were a kid, you might find yourself projecting the hope and the desire that this person can meet your needs now. And they feel that pressure. And from that pressure, what ends up happening is it repels them. I was talking to a friend recently and we were talking about relationship dynamics. And she said something interesting. She said, Have you heard of the golden retriever or the cat? And it's like in every relationship, there's one person that's the golden retriever who's super eager and super excited to be around someone else. And then the other one's the cat, which is kind of aloof and just kind of walking around doing its own thing. Now I take that in the way that I see that is that's more of a relationship that is trauma bonded or based in the attachment style of anxious and avoidant attachment style. Obviously the cat being more avoidant, doing its own thing, craves independence, but also pushes away intimacy. And then the golden retriever, same thing. It's, except for its strategy to get love is to want, to desire, and to put this kind of needy energy onto the other person, which then of course repels them. But they both avoid at a certain level, a certain level of intimacy. They've normalized certain dynamics in relationship that have to do with not feeling intimate. So when it comes to attachment, understand that neither is really— the goal is to become I don't know, would that be like CatDog? It would be to become more whole within yourself without having the illusion and buying into the story that someone else can even make you happy. Isn't it funny how these things that we want in our life, we believe are gonna bring us happiness? We believe it's going to finally complete us, so then we project onto other people our mom's stuff or our dad's stuff. And we give them the burden. But then at the end of it, even if you got what you wanted, you would eventually either desire more because here's another thing, here's a route we're gonna go down that I think will be very powerful. If when we were kids, we did not receive love, feeling seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured growing up, then what we'll do is we'll take its ugly cousin substitute. The ugly cousin substitute of compassion, of love, is attention and validation. We'll settle for that. I'll take the love and validate. I will interpret validation and attention as love. But the challenge is that then what people do is they go out and they look for it on the outside. Can I get enough likes on Instagram? Can I get enough approval from my coworkers? Can I get this person to think I'm awesome? And we try to prove it. We're trying to get the validation and approval because we've settled for the ugly cousin instead of love. Now, the difference too is a lot of times there's a sense of blame. There may be a story of blame. I know for a long time I was blaming 'cause my childhood didn't have much freedom. So I'm like, This was the problem. You were the problem over here. Dad didn't do this. Mom didn't do this. Ex-stepmom, blah, blah, blah. Projection of power, projection of energy. And it felt then I didn't have to take responsibility. But then guess what? In relationships, there was always blame. This person's not doing this right. This person's not doing this right. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame. Externalization of power. And then of course, wanting attention and validation as the ugly cousin substitute to love, thinking that you could get it on the outside. Well, let me tell you, as someone that woke up to this, probably about a year ago, I really started doing this deep work because subconsciously there was like a desire, like if I grow my social media to a certain amount, if I add so much value to other people, then I will be so worthy. "I will feel so good enough because I'll have all this validation or approval." Well, anytime you get some of it, the ego just wants more of it. It's never enough. Take that as someone that has over 1.5 million YouTube subscribers, as somebody that was like, I recognized when I wanted at first 100,000 subs on YouTube back in 2017, that was the goal. If I get 100,000 subs, I will feel validated and approved of. I'll be loved. I'm closing the loop from childhood. And then what happens is like, it happens in August of 2017. It's gonna be so different. I'm gonna go to the gym and people are gonna recognize me and I'll finally feel validated and approved of. And I went to the gym that day and it's like, where's the line of people just waiting to get my autograph? And then it goes, you know what? $200,000. $100,000 is okay. $200,000. And then $200,000 comes. I don't remember how much later it was. Maybe probably a couple months 'cause things started growing quicker. And I was like, $200,000, wow. What about $250,000? That's like quarter of a million. And then it was eventually $300,000. That felt like a good chunk. Then $500,000. Then it was like, okay, a million. And by the time the million come, I kind of, it was a reflection for me at that point of this part of myself that I knew I was trying to feed and I just completely was nonchalant. I was completely unattached. You know what's funny too? The best time, the best times on YouTube I've had when everything was growing the most was when I was the least attached. It's almost like I'm in a relationship with YouTube. and the more unattached I am and the more fun I'm having, the better it is. I'll tell you what, the more unattached you are in relationship, the more fun you have in relationship, the more magnetic you'll be, the more attractive you are. It's funny how that works. But now the key, so we believe if I get validation and approval as the ugly stepcousin or whatever, the cousin, to love, but now we realize, well, it never can actually be enough because we always want more because it isn't, it's empty. So instead of going for this, the key is to wake up, to wake up and realize that that's not going to make you happy, that it's instead more about getting to the core and being able to receive the love in your heart, to then realize that it flows through you. Like, contrast these two ideas. Contrast this idea that someone is praising you. You did so good. Oh my God, you're so special. You did so good. It was amazing job that you did the other day. How does that feel? Imagine someone saying that to you. Now imagine Instead of that, imagine you just love what you are doing. You're in the act of doing something you love and it's just flowing through you. Feel the difference of those two energies. One is attached to outcome and a superficial praise that you feel for a very short period of time until you need more of it. And the other is an end of itself. Me making videos right now, allowing everything to flow through. It's a different energy. The reason I'm asking you to contrast these two realities is because they feel very differently. Imagine you're at the top of this mountain metaphorically, and you just achieved something. You just made $100,000. Oh my gosh, this feels so good. This temporary thing that will probably go away very soon because you'll normalize it. But contrast that with being on the top of the Grand Canyon watching the most beautiful sunset. Next to someone you love? They feel very different, don't they? One's an attachment to something happening, thinking it means something about my sense of self-worth, and the other is just present. And really what we're striving for is understanding this difference between trying to prove ourselves as being good enough Trying to prove ourselves to, oh, the validation and approval are signs of I am good enough. But fundamentally in the core nervous system, what's happened is people have normalized feeling not good enough. People have normalized shame. I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. So what happens is they continue to experience that on a reflection in their life. So no matter where you go and what you do, your RAS, the reticular activating system in your brain, will look for evidence of that belief. So you go on social media, you're scrolling, you're scrolling, you're scrolling. You look at someone else, you compare yourself to them. I'm not as good as them. Really, they're just a reflection of the shame. You could look at that and be inspired, or you can look at that and compare yourself and then feel shame. But it's like we're, constantly have this energy of shame, of believing we're broken or there's something wrong with us. And then we're attracting people and situations into our life to reflect that back because there's something that feels safe. There's something that feels known about that. So one of the core things that will change your life more than anything else is looking at your attachment to your own thoughts, your attachment to shame, to believing you're broken or there's something wrong with you. Because if you believe you're broken or there's something wrong with you, you will continue to act, think, feel, and act equal to that reality. You'll continue to be attached because you're afraid people are gonna see the real you. You're afraid of what people think. You're afraid of showing vulnerable parts of yourself for fear of rejection or abandonment. Now, courage is when you have the ability to go into this wound. Now think of even, I know I've shared this many times in my videos, the still face experiment, but imagine a baby attuned to its mom. It's so quick how fast a baby can feel its mom withdraw her energy. It's bizarre. It's within seconds. So in the still face experiment, this will help you understand shame, and this will also help you understand attachment. Just think about it. What are our first attachments into this reality? It's our attachment to mom, our attachment to dad, it's our attachment to our caregivers. And whatever happens between us and the caregivers, we give it subconscious meaning or we attune our nervous system to something to say, this is safe, this is familiar. Even if that thing is toxic, even if that thing is emotionally unavailable, that dynamic. But in the Still Face Experiment, a mom is interacting with their baby. Everything's going beautiful. Mirroring of emotions, goo goo ga ga. Mom going goo goo ga ga, baby pointing, mom looking. Oh my goodness, there's this beautiful mirroring of emotions where the baby feels seen, Sued, heard, and nurtured. But then what happens? Part of the still face experiment, they electrically shock the baby using tasers. I'm just kidding. What they do is in the still face experiment, the mom looks away, and when the mom looks back, still face. No expression whatsoever. So then what happens is the baby very quickly begins to go, "What the hell is happening?" What's going on? And within a couple minutes, the baby's like, goo goo ga ga, and mom's like still face, no expression whatsoever. The baby starts to get uncomfortable. She then starts to do something called protest behavior. She goes, ah, she screams. Mom doesn't look. Mom, ah, meh, just keep doing the thing until the mom still doesn't look. She points 'cause normally mom will look wherever she points. Mom doesn't look, still face. She starts to get so uncomfortable when the protest behaviors don't work, when mom's not coming back, when mom is physically or is emotionally unavailable, she gets so uncomfortable she starts to cry and then she tries contorting her spine to turn away from mom because to bear the witness to what she is seeing is so painful, she would rather not. 10 out of 10, nope, don't recommend. Okay, that's what the baby's thinking. This is not 10 out of 10. Now, of course, the baby cries and looks away. What do you think? What kind of beliefs do you think the baby could get from that? The attunement to mom has gone away. Think of the beliefs that may stem from that. What did I do wrong? I'm broken. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not good enough. There's not an intellectual capacity to understand, but there's an inner child part of this baby that feels not seen, soothed, heard, or nurtured. And that part will continue to normalize that energy and to attach itself to other people's perspectives, to attach itself to other things, to other people, to other outcomes, trying to avoid the shame, trying to avoid the feeling of not being good enough. But what's funny is that feeling of not being good enough has actually been normalized. So to feel anything other than that would actually feel kind of scary. This is the weird thing. It's like the attachment is to block the feeling of actually feeling love, whole and complete. Now there's a third part to the still face experiment. The third part is that after the baby's crying, the mom reemerges with the baby, mirrors the baby's emotions again. Goo goo, oh baby, I'm so sorry, oh, holds the baby. And the baby stops crying. She feels seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured. And it, in a way, balances that out. She feels good again. Just as quickly as she thought, "Mom is gone," she very quickly thought, "Oh, thank God, she freaking came back." Now, the thing that most people have missed and the reason so many people are attached is because they believe that somehow mom or dad, or if they can control reality, they get mom and dad to come back. If you attract emotionally unavailable people, maybe you can turn one of them to become the third part of the experiment instead of the second part of the experiment. But the key is understanding that love is something that flows through you. You can heal your relationship to this kind of dynamic by understanding there's nothing wrong with you. But also attuning to allowing yourself to feel love inside of your heart. Now, when I first did this, whole longer story, I don't think I'll get into it in this video, but I did something called family constellation, which is basically where you replay certain child dynamics to understand your own energy. It's a German process. And there were people, Basically, I had people that were certified in this process or something like that. They were like practitioners of it. And there were 4 people that were playing out the energy dynamics of my mom and her parents' side of the family. They knew nothing about me. They knew nothing about the dynamic. But the idea is that the energy is within my field. So they were playing it out. Long story short, by the end of it, I'm sitting there in this woman's arms, me physically. There's this one that looked like my mom. She played my mom's energy and she's like laying on the floor. I'm like laying in her arms. She's like nurturing me as if, and I'm like, took me a moment to relax because I'm like, this is kind of very different, it's very intense. But eventually as I sink into the experience, I felt this love and also sharpness in my heart. It felt so uncomfortable, it felt painful. But as I sat with that emotion, as I sat with that energy, It began to then dissolve more and more until this expansiveness opened up. But many times what I believe happens is we've normalized certain emotions, and maybe normalizing shame— I'm broken, there's something wrong with me— attachment is an easy way to self-sabotage. It's an easy way to continue to feel shame and not good enough because you keep believing that something else outside of you has what you think you want. Now real quick, I'm gonna read from this book called "Awareness," or maybe it's called "Stop Fixing Yourself." It's by Anthony DeMello. It's called "Stop Fixing Yourself" is the name of the book. There's 4 truths about that of attachment that completely change everything when you begin to understand it more. I'm gonna go through them quickly just to understand it, to kind of share it. But the first truth, 4 truths of attachment, the first truth, You must choose between your attachment and happiness. You can't have both. The moment you pick up an attachment, your heart is thrown out on kilter and your ability to lead a joyful, carefree, serene scene is destroyed. Think about that. It's like you can have your attachment or you can have love or happiness, but you can't have both. That's the first truth of attachment. The second truth, where did your attachment come from? Become aware of where it came from. What you'll do is you'll realize you weren't born with it. At some point in your past, something happened and you decided this is very important to me. So if you didn't receive a certain level of seen, soothed, heard, nurtured growing up, you may have decided I want validation and approval. I'm attached to that. I'm attached to what you think. And you start to become aware of where it is. You start to realize you weren't innately born with it. It's a pattern that you picked up. The third truth, if you wish to be fully alive, you must develop a sense of perspective. Understand there are a lot of people that don't have that attachment that are very happy. Understand also that the universe is so big. When you look at the stars at night, there's so many things going on and it kind of puts it into perspective for this little attachment. It's like, well, if I had this, then I would be worthy. If I had this, then I'd be enough. It really doesn't matter. Now, the fourth truth, there's an unavoidable conclusion that no thing or person outside of yourself has the power to make you happy or unhappy. Whether you're aware of it or not, it's only you who can decide to be happy. So a huge part of learning how to let go is recognizing that nothing on the outside is going to actually make you happy anyways. And even if it did, it'd be for like a day and then you would like somehow want more or be some other attachment to it. What you're really wanting to do is to open up your heart, is to be the love, to allow it to flow through. Instead of focusing on outcome, focus on being. Focus on letting the energy flow through, letting the divine flow through. Develop a stronger relationship with the divine. And as you do that, you'll find yourself more magnetic, less attached, because you trust the flow of your life. And that's funny, is when you trust the flow of your life, you're not attached to any specific person, any specific outcome. So attachment is the root of all suffering. So letting go has to— is really a choice that you make. When you realize it's just a story, it doesn't, you start self-inquiring about this. You start questioning the attachment that you have to begin with. And you realize that maybe this deeper core piece of feeling seen, soothed, heard, and nurtured growing up is something that you can begin to connect to. You can begin to allow yourself to feel love. Now, inside my free community called High Vibe Tribe, I have a meditation for reconnecting to this mother energy. It's in the section called Transformational Workshops. I'm gonna go ahead and link that below. So join High Vibe Tribe if you want to experience it. I also have a whole entire $1,000 course for free on that in High Vibe Tribe called High Vibe 101, where you can learn step by step how to elevate your vibration, how to heal this core part so that you can feel more love, more joy, more peace in the present moment right now with daily meditations and all this in it. So you can check that out in the High Vibe Tribe. And then other than that, if you want to watch a video that goes deeper on this whole still face experiment, I'll go ahead and link this video right here. Empaths, people that can feel other people's energy. This is both a superpower