How To ATTRACT Without Chasing & Make Them DESIRE YOU

Energetically, the more someone chases someone else, the more the energy pushes them away. Now, when you make the changes that I'm gonna share with you in this video, everything changes. You stop repelling that which you want. You allow the energy to come to you, and I'm gonna show you exactly how to do that. Now, the first thing to realize when it comes to this process of attraction is when you are attracting someone else, have you ever noticed this? The more unattached you are, the more attractive that is. The more someone else is unattached, the more attractive they are to you. And think about it, the more someone wants you to like them, the more someone wants your approval, wants anything from you, the least likely you are to actually give it. Isn't that interesting? It's interesting because what ends up happening is something that I learned from Alan Watts. It's called the Backwards Law. That is, the more you try is the more you resist, the more you block. The more you try to get people to like you, the more the energy is actually messed up and the less likely they are to actually like you. The more you try to control something in your life, the more out of control you feel, because the more things have to be a certain way, and the more that then it emphasizes that feeling of not being in control. Now, when it comes to attracting love, one of the most attractive things you can do is actually be not attached. Now, what does that mean to be not attached? Now, to be not attached doesn't mean you're not engaged, and you're like, I wanna be engaged. Well, not that engaged, okay? It means you're not engaged It doesn't mean that you're not engaged into the present moment. Because the thing when it comes to this whole dynamic is anything we make more important, anything we put on a pedestal, we immediately separate ourselves from it. And I'll tell you from experience, people can feel when you put them on a pedestal. I know that just because of what I do for a living, being on YouTube and stuff like that. If I meet somebody And what happens is it's like there's an energy there where they want something, they want my attention, they want me to do something, they want me to like listen to something. It's like, it's just an energy that is felt. And whereas when people talk to me like just a regular person, it's so much easier for me to engage with people, but not that way engaging. So the dynamic here, and there's a saying of this, and I've noticed this about other people in my own life, 'cause I've done the same exact thing where I put someone on a pedestal, create resistance, and then it depolarizes the dynamic. Because remember this, if you treat someone like a celebrity, they will treat you like a fan. So energetically, the key to this is to not to put people on a pedestal. It's not to put people and to think, oh my God, it'd be so amazing if they gave me this validation, they responded to my text or whatever. When it comes to sexual polarity, if somebody puts someone else as, oh my God, this person is amazing, I'm gonna put them all the way up here. If they were to respond and we were to go on this date and it was amazing, it'd be great because we're looking to someone, we're making someone else the authority. Think about that. And it doesn't feel good to be that authority. Some people like it, I will say that. There are people out there maybe even that like have online presences or whatever, and they may get off on other people looking up to them and going, you're so amazing, you are so funny, phenomenal, and they may like that, but it depolarizes the relationship. And I found that if anything, it's something I'd rather just be on the same playing field with other people because a lot of times it's also an inauthentic neediness. I need something from you. And it's like codependency in a way. Now, when it comes to sexual polarity though and sexual dynamics, so important to understand that what you wanna do is you want, this is also like a lot of times is putting someone else and wanting something from them and even putting everything into the future. Ooh, it'd be amazing when I get their love because then we'd be on the same field. I can then feel worthy. And what it really is is it's looking to feel validated on the outside. It's looking for the outside to validate the inside. But remember, the way reality works is it's a mirror. It is mirroring back mirroring back to us that which we believe to be true. It is mirroring back to us our own expression. And if we feel and say, I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm a fan of this person energetically, then reality's gonna reflect that back. But if we instead change our beliefs about ourself by letting go of the old belief, by the way, that says we're not worthy by becoming aware of it and making the choice to let it go, it'll then allow us to be more bold in our reality, and it changes the dynamic tenfold. So when it comes to dynamics of energy, realize that to make someone else desire you, it's more about being in your own frame, being in your own frame and not needing their validation. Because the more you don't need their validation, the more they will naturally wanna give it to you. This is a game of filling up your own cup and being in your own frame. To be in your frame, Really, it just means to be in your own body. It means to be present. This game of attraction, by the way, is all about being present in the moment, feeling safe in your own body, and then choosing to be engaged with reality, not engaged with what could be, not engaged with what there was in the past, not that type of engaged anyways, but engaged Simply present. Because when we want something from someone else, that immediately takes us outta the present moment. Imagine going on a date with someone and you're like, okay, I'm gonna go on a date with this person and I hope that everything goes well. I hope that I get a callback at the end of it. I hope that everything is like up to par. It's immediately then being projected to the future. The person is less there. But why is it when you see people that are just having fun, they're in their own element, and they're enjoying their life, that's attractive because they're present, they're in the moment, they're enjoying their life. Anything that we then put an attachment to, we have an attachment to outcome, we then are creating resistance and it's not attractive. So the key is letting go of that attachment to outcome by being present to the moment and understanding that you're not trying to get them to desire you because then you're gonna feel validated. You're not even trying to get them to desire you because remember, the more you try, the more you resist. Instead, this is about being centered in your own frame, having fun, and also this one thing will change everything as well. Be vulnerable. Vulnerable. What does vulnerability mean? Vulnerability literally means the ability to go into the wound. Vulner means wound. And if you're able to show your own sense of your own wounding, which doesn't mean you're crying and telling them about all your problems, what it means though is let's say most of us have an abandoned, most of us may have an abandonment wound, especially if you clicked on this video. The abandonment wound is that maybe your mom or your dad was physically or emotionally abandoned you when you were kids, when we were kids. And what happened is we then made a meaning, we then made something that says there's something wrong with me. Mom checked out, dad checked out, they left, whatever the dynamic was. So then what happens is we say, okay, so I don't ever get rejected again. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna make everyone else happy. I'm gonna tune to my environment for safety instead of being safe in my own body. So then what we end up doing is searching for it on the outside. And of course then if we're searching for it on the outside, we're not gonna actually feel it. So one of the most powerful things to do is to start to literally bring your energy back and then make the choice to have the courage to put yourself out there. Because another thing we do is we say, it's not safe for me to show my true emotions to somebody. Remember when I was 13 years old, 12 years old, I went out on this thing for the Park Recs and Communications thing. And community thing, and I was a part of the school dance thing or like summer camp dance thing, and I asked this one 18-year-old girl to dance with me and I was 12 and she said no. And I then like thought I wasn't worthy. I was then afraid of ever asking someone out again because I didn't wanna get rejected. But eventually what I had to do is I had to look at that situation and reframe it, heal from it, and then realize that all because some girl that was like 6 years older than me said no to dance doesn't mean that I'm not worthy. If anything, who has the balls to do that? That's what I said to myself. Who has the balls to like, as a 12-year-old, to ask an 18-year-old out? So I started to reframe and realize, wait, I'm really courageous. I have a lot of like confidence to do something like that. So you can reframe these things that happen, but the challenge is that what's happened is many of us have abandoned ourselves because of something that we were abandoned as kids, physically or emotionally. So then we started abandoning ourselves to make everyone else happy. And that depolarizes dynamics. That's when people are then looking for someone else to desire them. And that's when the chasing starts happening because we're literally trying to chase not being rejected. We're chasing not having the abandonment wound poked. And the key to all transformation with this process is to actually stop abandoning the self. Feeling safe in our own bodies and understanding the more that we are leading, the more that we are vulnerable and we're able to share with somebody, hey, I like you, I wanna date you. The more we're able to share with somebody, hey, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna hang out and do this thing I don't wanna do. Vulnerability, it takes vulnerability to set boundaries. But the more vulnerable you become, the more you will feel that sense of self-power. Because remember, people that are doing cool shit in the world, they tend to have boundaries. They have to. Like when I'm doing what I do, I just got done running a 3-day live event. And sometimes it'll be a common thing where some people will be like, hey, let's hang out. And it's like, well, if I hung out with everybody, you know, if I had all these plans and stuff, I'd never have time to make videos. I'd never have time to run live events because I'd just be saying yes to everybody. but literally my boundaries are a way of protecting me being in my own self, me not abandoning myself. So realize that boundaries make you attractive, but even when I say attractive, sometimes it's like making them desire you, making them chase you. It's like, it seems to me like a, it's like a form of manipulation. And instead of trying to get people to do anything, the key is being in our own sense of frame, being in our own sense of gravity, being and feeling safe inside our own bodies. And as we do that, it changes absolutely everything. So one thing that I really recommend you do if you haven't done it already is a 21-day Magnetic Love Challenge for healing codependent patterns, feeling safe inside your own frame, healing anxious or avoidant attachment style so you can actually attract emotionally available people. If you wanna attract emotionally available people and heal all of that, go to aarondoughty.com/love aarondoughty.com/love, or click the link at the top of the description box below, and realize the more you do that, the more that you embody your true sense of self and that sense of self-love, that is what's gonna attract love to you more than anything. And the more you accept yourself as well, even your own insecurities, the more you reframe your insecurities, because remember, what you feel is what people feel off of you. And when you change what, and when you tap into and you more vulnerably express who you are, you will then attract people that really love the real you. So if you've also ever wondered why when you stop, it's almost like when you stop giving a shit or stop caring, it then completely transformed the energy dynamic and makes it so much easier to attract love, watch this video right here. It will help change everything for you and the dynamic altogether. And when it comes to attracting love, this is a very important part to understand because many people may have a certain level of codependency tendencies. They may feel very needy when they start to date, or they may feel even very needy in just the dating