How to become so unbothered your desires chase you

Why is it the more unbothered you become, the more magnetic you become? Water will naturally follow the path of least resistance, and in the same way, the things you want will follow the path of least resistance. And in this video, I'm going to show you step by step how to embrace this new era I'm going to show you how to genuinely be good either way with how things happen. And at least 10 videos that I've made, I have seen hundreds of comments from people who have said that that one mantra has transformed their life. Now, first off, this is something that you either have an attachment to something you want which creates resistance, or you might have an aversion to something you don't want. So for example, you might want love or a person to come into your life, but you might at the same time not want— have an aversion to getting rejected. Either of these are forms of resistance. So it's either attachment or aversion, and both of these create the resistance inside of you. They create the attachment inside of you. Either you're attached to something not happening, or you're attached to something happening. And that attachment is literally saying that if this thing happens on the outside, then I can feel a certain way. Now, first off, use this as an example. You've probably noticed this in your life? Why is it that the people that aren't attached the most have things that come to them the easiest? Now, an analogy that I have for this is you might see there's a fish on top of what looks like a trampoline. It's really just a fish on a pedestal. I went with a friend of mine about 2 years ago, we went to Costa Rica to run a retreat. And while we were there, my friend had gotten recently into fishing. And I was like, I don't know if I'm going to be much of a fisher, like, like going fishing. However, this is a new thing I can do. I get on the fishing boat. We start doing something called trolling out. We go literally 2 hours out away from land to where you look around and you can't see a single piece of land or anything. And the whole entire time it's like Boom, boom. And it's something where I didn't know this, but I actually got seasick. I didn't feel good. And my friend didn't tell me that it was going— I thought it'd be like a 4 or 5-hour thing. It was an 8-hour thing. So from like 8 in the morning to like 2 or 3, we are on this boat. So boom, boom, boom. Now, what you'll notice is that the people that want to catch the biggest fish It's normally the person that's with them that doesn't care. And that's exactly what happened. I was feeling kind of not— going kind of sick. And we had these tuna fish that we were catching that we were also able to provide for a women's retreat that was happening close by that my friend and I weren't at because his wife was running it. But it was a really cool thing to be able to provide the fish for them during this women's retreat. And as we were catching the fish, it just so happened that the person that really, I genuinely did not care, caught the 80-pound tuna. And my best friend who was super wanting to catch the biggest fish caught a whole bunch of like 20, 30-pound fish. And it was just, it was a recognition that this actually happens a lot. There's a YouTube channel that I watch called Outdoor Boys. Maybe you've seen it. And it's about these— this family, really this guy that does a lot of survival camping and all of these things. And he'll bring his wife and his kids fishing. Very often he has a saying that his wife always catches the biggest fish. His wife doesn't care. She's not a better fisherman or woman. She's just sitting there, doesn't care. And that non-attachment tends to be something that just, these things can happen because there's no aversion. It's like the attachment to wanting the big fish, the aversion to catching the little fish, the aversion to catching, to wanting to catch the biggest fish out of the group. So this kind of thing is a very common energy dynamic. Think about, there's probably a friend you have that is not attached to whether people like them or not. Or maybe that's you. And what happens is because of that, you might get all kinds of people that like you or don't like you, but guess what? You're good either way. And very often this is what happens when you are able to be in an energy where you are also your most authentic self. Like think about there's people you're around where you give yourself permission to be the most expressive, weird, authentic you, and then you don't care. You're not attached to whether they like you or not. But then there's people where you want them to feel a certain way. You might be bothered if they see you a certain way or not, and that bothered attachment is actually what creates resistance. That is what creates an attachment. It's almost like in the field of energy, you attach to this energy that then has people tuned to that. Because remember, people feel what you feel about you. So when you are bothered about something about yourself, people may reflect that energy back to you. So you can then try to control what they think about you. But remember, what they think about you only bothers you because you think it means something about you. If somebody came up to you and said, "I hate your purple hair. It looks ridiculous." And you then looked into the mirror and you're like, "I don't have purple hair." You might assume that person's crazy and what they say doesn't apply to you. But if you do have purple hair and you do feel self-conscious about it and you do internalize it, you're going to feel bothered by it. So the unbothered era that we're talking about comes with this realization that the internalization is what the pain comes from. If you catch the biggest fish, it means you're a macho man. If you catch the smallest fish, it means you're a little wimpy pansy person. If the cool person at school does or doesn't like you, it means something about you. If you were to tap into like your high school days, right? It's just what it means that becomes the pressure. So to become unbothered, one of the things you want to understand is that you're good either way comes with this recognition That the outside response is not what is the precursor to your inside happiness. It's not being at the whims of the mirror. We know that a mirror reflects back our reflection. If we try to change the mirror and we're bothered that the reflection's not changing, We stay stuck looking at ourselves in the mirror in a very awkward way because we're waiting for it to change. And that's why when you get to a place to where you're unbothered, that's when things can change. But remember, the true degree of change is not whether the external changes at all. It's whether it can remain the same but how you feel on the inside has changed. And more specifically, your ability to accept the other outcomes. You can accept it. And me, it doesn't mean anything about you. This reminds me of the, the biggest, the most my YouTube channel has ever grown is when I'm not focused on outcome at all. It's when I'm in the present moment having fun making videos. It's when I have an intention of adding value. It's when I focus on connecting ideas together in a new way. It's when I surrender to kind of like an energy greater than myself. And it's when I'm immersed in the process. It's the same thing when I go to a live event to speak. I was on a podcast yesterday talking to someone and he was asking me like, you're able to do 3-day events, 8 hours a day. No, he's like, what are you going to talk about? I'm like, I'll know when I get there. What? I've done many live events before where I map out a whole bunch of things I'm going to talk about, a whole bunch of stories I'm going to share, and I then get bothered It's almost like I'm bothered whether people are gonna resonate with it or not. I get attached. And when I go in and I surrender to an energy greater than myself, and I allow the trust in the process, the trust in the people's nervous systems, the trust in the divine or God, that's when the energy just flows through and I'm able to have more fun with it. And when I have more fun with it, I find I say the right thing at the right time and the right sequence as a result of the energy. So in the same way, it's like we can have an energy. And, and here's the difference again, remember, if I am bothered by whether a YouTube video does good or not It's because there's an attachment to a video doing well and there's an aversion to video not doing well. And what the fear is, is what does that mean about me? I've been making— this is why you'll see people that start YouTube channels, they make videos because they love making videos. Once it gets to a certain level of growth, there then comes this pressure This attachment to how things happen, to whether videos do well, because it's embarrassing to have millions of followers and videos with only a certain amount of views. Or it's like, I have to maintain the standard of what videos got views of back in the day. That creates— that bothered energy creates resistance. And that resistance literally blocks that which you want. Things come to you when you are unbothered in the state of having fun with the process and trusting something greater than you. I remember the first time I ran a live event and started hot seat coaching people. I went to Miami. It was one of my second hot seat coaching events where what I did is the whole event basically was a mix of workshops, meditations, and hot seat coaching. What I would do is bring people up, work with people on stage in the unknown with the intention of helping them break through their blocks. The very first event I did with this, that was in Miami, so much fun. There was one moment there, you may have seen the video on YouTube. There was a woman that I was coaching that went, basically broke her good girl energy. She learned how to embrace her dark side on stage. And what ended up happening is she had a big breakthrough and it was a very powerful moment.

We got it tatted. Bad boss bitch.

What does it say?

It says bad boss bitch.

There you go.

Yes. On my hand. Thank you.

That's a cool initiation. I think that's awesome.

It's official. I can't go back.

What ended up happening is that video got put on YouTube, and within like 2 weeks of that video on YouTube, it had grown so fast that within a month or 2, it had a million-plus views. And it was the first live event video that got so much traction. The very first one I put out just blew up. So in my mind, it was like, okay, every time I run a live event, I need to get these powerful moments with people. I'd be bothered if I didn't. I'd be attached to getting the good content and I'd be aversion to getting not good content. So it went from something that was an end result of having fun, helping people transform to then at the next live events, there was like this pressure around trying to get the content. Even though I was trying to get the content, people still had very powerful experiences, but I could feel the difference in energy. And what I learned, you could literally feel it at the Leeds live events, is the more I would surrender and be literally good either way with whether I get amazing content or not, the more something greater would flow through and the magical moments would come. So this comes with an overarching trust in something greater than you. And the bothered era, the unbothered era means you expand the ego's desire to control into the higher self realm of allowing. It's like there's more magic available to you when you surrender to something greater than you. Especially when you become more— what's the word— curious about what is going to happen. It's almost like if you were to imagine that you have a timeline and you don't understand that your higher self will understand the whole overarching timeline. Your ego self is only focused on this one point. If you can maintain the energy of of peace, of love and connection, and focus on becoming the version of you that is the most expressive and authentic, it's like if something doesn't happen here, you might not know it, but by you maintaining the energy, the person you become is what the magic is. And then right here might be where something even greater happens than you can even imagine. But your insistence on this right here is what creates the blocks. So this is why it's like you can get curious about what God has in store for you. So with this, one very important thing I want to share too is if we look at this right here, 3 different stages of being unbothered and bothered. The state, the cycle. You've got unbothered at the bottom. There's layers to being unbothered that are toxic, and there's layers to being unbothered that come from a higher state of consciousness. Here is the trap I don't want you to fall into. Being bothered is actually a good thing because if you watch this video and you say, okay, I am not going to be unbothered now, I'm not gonna be bothered now. You then have an attachment to being not bothered. But remember, when you are good either way, whether you become unbothered or not, that's when you're actually free. Bothered energy, triggered energy is literally an energy that is revealing to you the ways in which you are not yet free. Free. So if you can celebrate when your triggers come up, knowing they're revealing something about you— it sucks, but it's a part of the process. It's a part of learning to normalize what you used to be afraid of. Now, for example, you could say, I'm going to be unbothered. Somebody crosses my boundary Let's say there's boundary right here. Someone crosses my boundary, I'm gonna be unbothered. I'm not gonna deal with it. I'm gonna be unbothered by it. Guess what happens? You end up storing and bypassing the bothered energy as a way of not embracing tension. This does not mean not feel tension or don't be triggered. When I first started embracing the most authentic version of me, I had to have conversations with people where energy dynamics were very out of balance. I had to express myself. It was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable because the other people, other people I'd be talking to would also feel uncomfortable. But it got to a place to where I did not have to take on their emotion or energy. It got to a place to where I realized I can have difficult conversations And it's like something in my identity shifted. It was no longer this thing that I had an aversion to that I was pushing away. You attract people into your life that will bother you until you integrate the lesson that you came to learn. So for example, empaths might attract narcissistic people in their bothered era. And they say, well, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to focus down here. I don't want to deal with it. But actually embracing the energy of standing up for yourself, of saying no to a certain dynamic, of embracing the healthy anger that might be there is the key to actually integrating. So it's expression. The answer isn't to go back to your unbothered era. This is where I think if you've ever heard the— what is it, that Mel Robbins quote? Let them, just let them. Your kids aren't listening to you, let them. Your person, this person isn't listening to you and they say, let them, just let them. From a certain level of consciousness, that might make sense. But from a certain level as well, you need to embrace your power. You need to embrace the parts of you that you may have not been allowing yourself to express. So for example, I started make— I could have said when I started running live events and I started doing hot seat coaching, it was very bothered energy doing something new. It was uncomfortable. But the more reps I put in, the more comfortable I became. The more unbothered I became also if something unpredictable happened during the live event. Back in the day, it'd be a bigger deal. Now it's like I'm more unbothered because it's not something personalized. It's not something I need to figure out from the ego's perspective. It's something I can trust something larger than me. So unbothered comes with this recognition that the fear you might feel is something that as you embrace, you expand your sense of identity and comfort zone. And as you expand your identity and your comfort zone, what you end up doing is you end up realizing you are good either way. So unbothered energy is not just about not feeling unbothered. I'm in apathy and I just allow everything to happen. Unbothered energy is where you detach from the outcome and you focus more on embodying authenticity. Lean into tension, expressing the real you. And as you become aware of that, and as you begin to express that, you naturally through repetitions will become more and more unbothered because you learn more and more how to trust God or the divine. This is one of the biggest shifts you can have in your life. This is when you really will be good either way. Because you recognize it's not your job to manage that. So looking at this, let's realize that when you normalize and embrace it, you let the energy become something you no longer have an aversion to. You allow yourself to more so be in the moment. And when you allow something greater than you to flow through, that's where the magic really happens. So the first thing to do, the shift for this video, is to first embrace the tension, embrace the bother, realize there's some energy for you to integrate there, and that once you integrate that energy, you end up in a very powerful state. You are not then adverse, you're not having this aversion to being bothered or not bothered. You're recognizing that your internal state, it does not mean you're not worthy or you're not enough or there's something wrong with you. It means there might be a part of you that you could begin to embrace. And that as you embrace it, through repetitions, it becomes more and more familiar to you. Think about anything new you've ever tried. It's weird at first, and then you do it, you do it, you do it, you do it, and then it's not weird, or it's uncomfortable, and then you do it, you do it, do it, it's not so uncomfortable, it's not so uncomfortable. Now secondly, an end of itself. Do things for the end of itself. It's not about what you get, it's who you become. When I'm making these videos, it's like, also let's add to the equation play and fun. Guaranteed, you wanna become more unbothered, have more fun with the process, have more fun with it, enjoy it more. Focus on your state of being, focus on connecting with other people, focus on this energy, and then it's not so serious. It's so serious. And when it's serious, it's heavy. Guess what? When you're bothered, it's a very serious thing. You are an eternal spiritual being living a temporary human experience, spinning on a rock thousands of miles per hour through space. There's a collective consciousness shift that is happening on the planet. There's a lot of crazy stuff coming to the surface. There's a lot going on, but all we're bothered by this one thing that's bringing up this trigger inside puts it into perspective. When you recognize the spirituality totality of who you are and then realize there's the divine versus the ego, you can surrender to something greater than you. When you surrender to something greater than you, it's like you then don't you don't have as much pressure, you are able to allow. You can start getting curious about what God has in store with you. The more you develop a relationship with God, the more you will witness God in your life. Meditation is powerful. Self-reflection is powerful. Connecting with nature is powerful. These are all very powerful ways to connect to the divine, to connect to God. Now, if you do want, by the way, the most powerful meditation technique I've ever found is called the Frame Technique for feeling safe inside of your own body so that you don't absorb the energy or the internalization of these things. Go ahead and click the link below. I have a free training video that I made on the Frame Technique to show you step by step how to apply it in your life. It will completely transform your life if you apply it. So you can check out the Frame Technique there. And also, if you wanna see that video that I mentioned at the live event where a woman had a total transformation of basically becoming unbothered with what someone she dating was doing, and you watch her embrace her dark side, watch this video next right here.