How to break the narcissist empath trauma bond (for good)

Why is it that you keep attracting narcissists into your life? They might love bomb you in the beginning. You might meet them and think that you've met some type of deep familiar connection, but then find out months later or weeks later that there's some pattern here that feels all too familiar. What you used to see as red roses, you finally eventually see as red flags, but it might take you longer to see it and and you're wondering, why is it that I keep attracting this over and over again? Now I'm gonna show you step by step what is the subconscious energy that's keeping it attracted into your life and how you can completely shift that energy so that you stop attracting narcissists and you start to finally attract deep, healthy love. One of the main reasons you attract narcissists is because there's actually something for you to integrate that will allow you to finally break the pattern. Very often what people do is they may attract narcissists or controlling people into their lives and wonder, why is it that I keep attracting this type of person over and over again? And the thing that switches everything for you is when you become aware that there's some aspect of them and a lesson with them that once you learn actually breaks the pattern. Now, what is it that you can learn from a narcissist or a controlling person? Well, what is the thing that is under the surface that you keep tolerating that keeps that person in your life? Is that thing guiding you towards standing up for yourself? Is that pattern guiding you towards expressing yourself? Is that pattern guiding you towards actually setting boundaries with someone? Very often what'll happen is someone is afraid of narcissists, subconsciously afraid of what they think, is subconsciously tiptoeing around them. And what ends up happening is they're playing a game where they're walking on eggshells. And what happens is they continue to enable that narcissistic person. Well, think about it. If someone has a healthy attachment style and feels safe inside of their body and has a high level of self-worth, when they would meet someone that's narcissistic and controlling, they would see the red flags. But you see, if in childhood those red flags you saw as red roses because it was familiar, you will then see in this other person something that's gravitating you towards them. Now, the thing to realize is the reason you are interpreting those red flags as red roses is because you subconsciously believe that to be in connection, you need to be tiptoeing around love. To be in connection, you need to be the caregiver. You need to be the person that's adding value to the other person. And what happens is once you become aware that that's the energy you're living in and that that energy might feel familiar, you then start becoming aware of where your opportunity for growth is. Now, for me, this is something that I attracted in my life over the course of, from the age I was 17 up until even a few years ago, because at a subconscious level, that was a familiar energy in my life. Attracting a narcissistic person because of 7 to 17 years old, having an ex-stepmom in my life that was controlling and narcissistic. The thing that was hard for me to see was that there was actually something for me to learn from her, which was really interesting to say, because most people will hear that and be like, well, are you telling me that my opportunity for growth is me actually seeing what I could learn from this person and what part of myself am I not integrating? Now, because when I was 17, my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, I no longer had to deal with the controlling narcissistic stepmom. At the same time, there was a part of me subconsciously that felt familiar to walking on eggshells around people. There was a part of me that felt familiar around people with really high expectations. And there was a part of me that subconsciously in a way missed that level of dynamic because there was something about it that felt normal. So what I would subconsciously do, not even knowing it, was I would attract controlling authority figures into my life. I had bosses that were just like my ex-stepmom. I had a few ex-girlfriends that were jealous and controlling because somehow subconsciously that like, you know, I felt, which was interesting because I remember one specific, one of my first girlfriends after the ex-stepmom situation was very jealous. And there was this feeling that I had that I was always doing something wrong. It was a feeling that I was also too much because from 7 to 17, I wasn't allowed to have much of a personality. What happened is once I had that freedom, all of a sudden I was able to have a personality, able to have friends, able to go to like school activities or do things I wasn't able to do for so long. So there was this really like more loud outgoing person that came out. But then there was a feeling that this is too much, I'm doing something wrong. So there was this energy where that was what was familiar. What was familiar to me was that energy. If somebody else that had a healthy attachment style had met somebody that was like that, They would've seen the red flags and been like, I'm not dealing with that energy. And what this allowed me to learn was this allowed me to learn how to stand up for myself. It had me learn also deep down how to forgive my ex-stepmom, how to forgive even my dad for being in this circumstance with my ex-stepmom. But the thing that triggered me most about my ex-stepmom was that there was an energy of like, control and assertiveness that also came off as intrusion. It came off like very intrusive because anything that my ex-stepmom wanted done, she would control and get it done. She was very overt, very controlling. Well, what I had rejected inside of myself was I had rejected inside of myself my own ability to be assertive, my own ability to stand up for myself. My own ability to walk away. Because for 7 years, I watched my dad in a relationship that was not in reciprocal relationship or even healthy for his kids. He stayed in it. Think about the energy of me witnessing someone that was staying and tolerating energy that wasn't preferable. What I became aware of myself was that I had a tendency to stay in relationships longer than was healthy. Because there was this identity around being very tolerant, tolerating that energy. So what happens is once I became aware that this was a pattern that I had, I became aware that what this was constantly calling for me to do was to actually lean into the uncomfortable emotion of expressing myself, lean into the uncomfortable emotion of when I express myself, someone else might feel tension. and that someone else's tension is not something that I need to manage. Even though from 7 to 17 years old, I felt like I had to manage someone's nervous system that was always sporadic and all over the place. I would tune myself to them and say, who do I need to be for them to feel okay? Because if they feel okay, then maybe I can feel okay. So the thing that I was able to learn from people that are either narcissistic or controlling was to lean into tension, knowing that expressing myself, expressing my needs, and expressing just what was authentic to me was not something that I had to tune to them and fix or have responsibility for them for me to feel safe or confident inside of my own body. When I even think about this with my dad and her, I think of their energy dynamics and how they were different where In a way, my dad was in a relationship with her and then they divorced. And then they were still in each other's lives 'cause they had two kids together, my half-sisters. And I could always see that the clear lesson, there were so many opportunities even after divorce where my dad had the ability or the opportunity to really like stand up for himself. But a lot of times the perspective around that was, oh, I just, I don't wanna deal with it. It was like, I just don't wanna deal with it. Just, it was like, put it to the side. And there were times where I could see in that, and not to say that I would judge it, but I would be able to kind of witness like, oh, this might be an opportunity for you to fight. This might be an opportunity. Of course, there's like, I think there's levels of consciousness where at certain opportunities or certain moments, maybe the answer is for you to assert yourself and to express yourself. There's also times where there's an opportunity for you to not feed it your reaction because very often narcissists and controlling people, they feed on your reaction. When you are reactive, you recognize that you are literally feeding their frame. They feel safe and comfortable because you are reacting to them and that gives them a center of gravity to ping off of that tells them that they're in control. Well, imagine if instead of reacting and instead of feeding it out of fear, imagine you were just calm inside of yourself and you just chose not to put your energy in that direction. What most people might think is that to a narcissist, if you argue with a narcissist, you feed their frame. If you observe the narcissist and kind of recognize that in a way they're in a pattern where as a kid, Think about it. Every kid that's 2 years old, what do they call that? Terrible twos. At a certain level of our development, every single one of us was a narcissist. Every single one of us, by the way, has certain narcissistic traits. What we call confidence is a form of healthy narcissism. But what happens is at the developmental age of about 2 or 3, what are we learning developmentally? We are learning the word no. No. As a kid, as a baby, we are one with mom. We're connected to mom. We're literally, we don't know where mom ends, where we begin. Like we feel like we're one with mom. When we get to about 2 or 3, that's when we learn the magical power of the word no. Mine, me. This is the developmental part where you learn that lesson. You learn that stage of development. It's actually a healthy stage of development. Now, when you see a kid that's in their terrible twos and they want ice cream and they're like, I want ice cream. Give me ice cream, give me ice cream. And now imagine a mom or a dad that's like arguing with a 2-year-old. No, you can't have ice cream because blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, no, I want ice cream. And they're yelling at you and they want ice cream. You keep arguing with the kid. Guess what you keep doing? Feeding the kid's frame. So what happens is as an adult, if you are arguing with somebody, not that you need to see them as a 2-year-old because then you also get into a certain level of ego grandiosity. But if you're able to see it as a trauma pattern where they're literally locked in a stage of development of being 2 years old, where maybe they are still in a certain survival mechanism and they're maybe manipulating their environment to get what they want, what you're able to do though is see it in a way where you don't have to be so reactive. Because if you saw a 2-year-old that was saying no, and you wouldn't internalize it and think there's something wrong with me, what's wrong with me? The 2-year-old wants ice cream, they want ice cream. What happens though is then you start taking your power back. Like I remember one time I told my dad to do this 'cause my dad was dealing with my ex-stepmom even after the divorce and I didn't have to talk to her anymore, but my dad was going to therapy with one of my sisters and he said every time he went to therapy, they would show up and what would happen is she would just get, she would show up and she would just get super reactive about something, start yelling and it would embarrass my dad. 'Cause my dad, he wanted to ease tension, right? So he'd be embarrassed and then he would be there in this awkward situation. And what's interesting is one time I said, okay, I said, try this. I said, here's what you're gonna do. This time when she comes and she starts yelling at you and making a scene and it's embarrassing, you're in public and it's at a freaking therapy office, what you're gonna do is you're just gonna feel inside of your body and you're gonna observe it, but you're not gonna react at all. You're not even gonna look. You're not gonna like react. You're just gonna be there. Almost pretend like she doesn't exist. He did this and I got called the next day and he goes, you're not gonna believe this, but what I did is I just sat there, I was calm and I pretended like she didn't exist. I wasn't reactive. I wasn't feeding her anything. She went off on him for about a minute. Couldn't handle not having the reflection, not having the control of getting the reaction. Within 1 minute, she stormed out of that office and he had that therapy session without her. Isn't that interesting? Because people that have this trauma pattern, now notice I said people that have this trauma pattern, because we start to confuse the pattern for the person. Now there's a whole debate around whether narcissists can really heal or not, but I choose to believe that inside of us, there's different degrees of these that we can integrate inside of ourselves. And what happens is as we become aware of this, that's where the growth can happen. So when my dad was witnessing that and saw, oh, if I don't feed this, that person needed outta that trauma response, a gravity of somebody to react to so that they could feel like they were in control because that's where the phrase comes from of narcissistic supply. You wonder, why do I attract narcissists in my life? Well, there's a certain part of you that tolerates being a narcissistic supply for somebody else. So what happens is you become the narcissistic supply, which means you are emotionally, energetically feeding their frame and trying to please them. And by trying to please them, you are meeting their needs of wanting to feel in control. And also deep down, this is the thing that's hard to see, but if you can acknowledge it in yourself, you can become free. You get a part of that supply as well. You get a payoff subconsciously because you get to be the tolerant one, the good boy, the good girl. You get to be the one that's trying to fix them. You get the safety. Now it's not safe, by the way, this is a toxic dynamic, but you get the familiarity of tiptoeing around someone else and trying to make them happy. Because subconsciously, you might believe that if you can make them happy, you can fix mom or dad. And this is the thing that can really allow you to start realizing that what you might be attracting into your life as them is an energy that might feel all too familiar to childhood. So what is this person asking for you subconsciously to lean into? Maybe just like my dad, just like me in different situations, I can see this opportunity is asking for me to stand up for myself. To not take on their burden as my own, to stay strong in my own sense of reality inside of my own body, to recognize that the payoffs I get for being in this pattern is also maybe a similar payoff to childhood where it feels like a leaf in the wind and like I'm tiptoeing around people and that might feel familiar. And a certain way as well, I think that deep down subconsciously, there was a part of me also that felt victimized as a kid. So the victim dynamic of being like, I went through so much as a kid, I went through all of this, was sort of an energy where it just felt familiar to be the victim of somebody else's control dynamic. But subconsciously, the payoff was this feels familiar. You know, in a weird way, when I was 17, 16 years old, when the divorce happened, there was a certain level of freedom that came. Like I went from having to earn going to school activities. I went from having to like basically get locked outside working all day, sneak enough food to get enough to eat. To having ultimate freedom of being able, no, I wasn't allowed to watch television, have friends, play video games, none of that stuff. And honestly, I think some of that's good. I'm not very, I wasn't very programmed from that age. I look back and I'm actually grateful for it. But I can honestly see that like at 16, 17 came around, the divorce happened, I had all of this freedom. And with that freedom came anxiety. Literally, I knew where my box was back in that control dynamic. I knew being, I, in a weird way, the gravity that the narcissist has by having you react was also the gravity in which there was a subconscious part of me that felt safe knowing where my box was. Think about that. Maybe this person is your center of gravity to where you getting a mirror reflection of something that feels familiar. So for me, I would attract this because subconsciously it felt normal to be in a box. It felt normal to know where my boundaries are. And because I hadn't gone through the stage of development of creating the boundaries inside of myself, I was tuned to the narcissist or the controlling person to tell me where it is. And that's where the freedom was for me to begin breaking out of this. So the freedom for you to break out of this is recognizing that there might be a payoff you get for this. And that payoff may be, and you get to be the good person, you get to be very tolerant, you get to be in familiar energy from childhood. But where is your opportunity to lean into tension? Where is your opportunity to stand up for yourself? And even beyond that, there's times it might be to stand up for yourself and to express yourself. And it might be a time where you can observe and see how they're responding without feeding the frame. Just like my dad at the therapy office could have been like, "You talking to me like this? You don't need to talk to me like this." It was probably even a higher level of consciousness or a higher energy to just observe it. And not react, not respond. But just as much as they might be using you as narcissistic supply, you might be subconsciously tuned to them because there's a certain supply that you're familiar with. And having a narcissist controlling person in your life might give you your box of safety. Of course, it's not safe, it's just familiar. So maybe where your next level of growth is, it's for you to lean into tension, you to lean in a certain level of forgiveness for your mom and your dad of the past, That was a huge shift for me, actually forgiving my ex-stepmom. But observing that where I was able to really evolve was where I was able to really lean into and embrace the shadow aspect of myself that for a long time I wasn't willing to see. Now, this is something that we're gonna be doing in the 10-Day Magnetic Love Reset that is starting soon on February 11th. This is a 10-day transformative process that literally 4,000 people have been through in some form in the past. We've had many people go through this that have attracted their relationship, their partner, their husband and wife even. And we're doing it again in a 10-day process with 4 live hot seat coaching calls where you can get coached to move through your core love blocks, to become more secure inside of yourself, to complete the past around why you attract certain people into your life so that you can finally feel whole and complete inside of yourself. So if you wanna join, you can click the link below, grab your spot. Now is the best time to join. You'll see the bonuses that are there as well. And I look forward to seeing you then. And one of the most powerful techniques for you to learn that will completely transform your ability to feel safe inside of yourself, not tuned to a narcissist or controlling person, and to understand this lesson that is here for you today is understanding something called the frame technique. The frame technique will completely transform your energy from the inside out. I have a video right here that shows you step by step how to do it, and you can even go through that meditation to see how much it changes your life.