How to Go From Chasing to Attracting (Fast)

From chasing to attracting, what does that look like? If you think about chasing, chasing someone comes from an attachment. And what most people think they're chasing, by the way, is people think they're chasing love. You're not chasing love, you're chasing validation. Because as a kid, if the condition to love Was approval and validation? That's what you're chasing because the belief is if I get this person to like me, if I get this person to choose me, then I can feel love. So it's conditional love that you're after and the condition to love is validation and approval. So when most people say or people think they're chasing love, you're not. You're not even chasing love. You're chasing validation and approval because it's the condition to love. And that condition to love is something that you're trying to live up to. And the key to this is realizing that if mom and dad didn't approve of you as a kid or you felt not seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured, what'll happen is you will look for validation and approval in other people. Even though mom and dad aren't around anymore, you will look for it in your job, your boss, your coworkers, lovers, partners, et cetera. So a very important process here is understanding that maybe the key to this is looking at the inner child part of you that feels not seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured, beginning to approve of that part of you because that part of you is the part of you that really wants to be seen by you. It just believes that because you're not paying attention to it, it's looking for it in external reality. Do you guys see this? So imagine that what if you could validate yourself and approve of yourself, and by validating and approving of yourself, you then weren't attached to whether people liked you or not because you liked you. And ironically enough, when you are good either way, whether someone likes you or not, you're in a powerful place because you're not attached. You think about, I'm good either way. A magnet, you think about a magnet, a magnet can both attract and repel depending on its polarity. So some of you, as being a magnet, might repel certain people and think it's a bad thing. It's a good thing. You want to repel superficial people. You want to repel emotionally unavailable people. You want to repel narcissists. You don't want to attract everyone. Do you wanna attract psychopaths? Well, imagine somebody's like, I wanna be a magnet. You're like, that person over there doesn't like me. Not that we also need to play perpetrator, victim, rescuer dynamics where, 'cause everyone thinks everyone's a narcissist, everyone thinks everyone's all this other stuff, right? Everyone, there's all these labels that get thrown around so easily because everyone's so quick to say perpetrator. And I'm not saying that doesn't exist, I'm just saying all of us on Instagram are psychologists, right? So it's like, that's what that person's this. When in fact, a very healing part of this is reowning and retaking back the power that's been projected out. Because the challenge with people, I think the challenge with the whole narcissism empath thing is that there's the villain, it's the perpetrator victim dynamic that just keeps getting played out. And everyone gets stuck in the blame game instead of owning the pattern that attracted it. And part of the pattern that attracted it might be that you wanted the approval and validation of the narcissist, the controlling person, the broken person, whatever. So realize that to be a magnet, you wanna be a magnet. Why do you wanna be a magnet? Let's be honest. You might wanna be a magnet because isn't it a cool idea to imagine walking around and then just everyone just coming up to you. Like people say, I just want to, I wanna be magnetic, I wanna attract love. Really, a lot of people, I think they really want validation and approval as the condition to feeling love. But imagine you walk down the street and everyone just comes up to you and they're just like, oh my God, I'm gonna compliment your outfit. People are like, you're so beautiful. Everyone just like, like imagine you're like Justin Bieber walking down the street. Do you think Justin Bieber, by the way, likes how much validation he gets? It shows you, doesn't it? It shows you, by the way, that it's not everything because you have people like Justin Bieber. Who else like gets really reactive in the media that gets a lot of attention, right? These people get all the validation and approval in the world. You talk about Justin Bieber or other big celebrities, What happens after a while? Probably at first they get famous and it's like they're getting all this validation and approval. Then they start going out to eat lunch and they're in their like Escalade and then people are coming up to them. And then eventually what happens, they start getting angry, they start like getting defensive. They're like, get away from me. And then eventually they're just like, it's not clocking or whatever that meme was, right? It shows you that validation and approval, and that could be annoying. You could say, well, there's different forms of validation approval. At the very core, there's a level you'll get of validation approval where you say, I wish I could be invisible. It shows you it's not everything. If all the validation and approval was fulfilling, Justin Bieber wouldn't be doing the clock thing. It's not clocking to you, like engaging with the paparazzi the way that he does. There's a quote by Jim Carrey that's like, I wish everyone could just get rich and famous to realize that that's not not what really matters. It's not it. So the thing is, is if that's not it and if there's a level, a degree of validation approval that just gets annoying, you might think you wanna be magnetic, but maybe you don't. You don't wanna be so magnetic. If you are magnetic that everyone's coming up to you, that everyone's just complimenting you, You'd like it for like a week and then you'd be like, okay, it might even feel superficial. What you really want is deep connection. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe you're like, no Aaron, I just want the validation. I wanna be rich. I want power. You only want the rich, the power and all of that as a way of feeling powerful in place of like unconditional love or connection. And I'm not saying those things aren't luxuries in life. I'm saying you still go after those, do whatever you want, but let's question how magnetic you really wanna be. Now here's the thing, you're like, I wanna be magnetic, but you don't want to polarize people. Well, guess what? A magnet polarizes people. A magnet attracts and it repels based on its polarity. You want to repel superficial people maybe, You might wanna repel people that are narcissistic or controlling. You might wanna repel psychopaths. You don't wanna attract everyone. But the thing is, is you just assume that if somebody doesn't resonate with you, there's something wrong with me. Can you imagine a magnet going around being like, there's something wrong with me, I'm repelling, I'm repelling some people, good. You should. Good, you should. It's not clocking to you, okay? It's not clocking. That's gonna be, this video is me just reenacting that. I don't even know if I'm saying it correct. I've seen it like twice. It was a meme on social media. We all saw it. But that just shows you, Justin Bieber is proof that you can get all the validation and approval in the world and it's not enough. Not that it's not enough validation, but it's not it. It gets annoying. So people that think they wanna be magnetic, how magnetic you wanna be? Hmm? You think you wanna be magnetic, you'd get tired of it after a while of being so magnetic that it's based on validation and approval. What you really want is you probably really wanna be seen and heard. Like that's probably what Justin is actually doing, by the way. When he's like, it's not clocking to you, he's like, I want people to understand and see and hear me "Because this feels uncomfortable and people are always around me." Like, Justin Bieber's inner child really wants to be seen and heard and he probably feels not understood because who the heck can relate to him? Does that make sense? I'm sure Justin Bieber feels like no one can relate to him of his like level of fame and his level of like his life even. And what he really wants is to be seen and heard, but instead he just gets validation and approval and attention so much so that it's like annoying. It's not it, but then it's just not clocking. He probably does feel alone. Who knows? We're projecting. We're over here projecting. This is how he feels. We don't really know. Dude's been famous since he was like 9 years old. But I'm just saying, when people say they wanna be a magnet, do you? Do you wanna be a magnet? Someone says, why does a magnet repel but also pull in? It depends on the polarity. It's like if you own being a magnet, if you own being magnetic, it means you recognize you will attract people to you, you will repel people from you. It's okay. You don't wanna attract everyone. The thing is, is imagine a magnet trying to, a magnet will, What is an example? Like, I guess it's the type of metal. A magnet attracts, it doesn't control the process. It just is a magnet. And for you, the key is for you to just be yourself. You don't need to chase love. You don't need to chase approval. You don't need to chase validation. Those things are conditions that you think will bring you love and connection. Guess what actually brings you love and connection? Justin Bieber songs. Have you ever listened to some of his songs? You feel warm on the inside, right? Listen to some of his songs. I'm just kidding. Maybe, maybe not. Some of his songs are good for sure. But what I'm saying is what really will bring you love and connection is vulnerability and vulnerability of expressing the real you and what's on the inside. Not being attached to outcome, just like a magnet is not trying to control what it attracts and doesn't attract. It just is. You be yourself. The vulnerability is a way of being yourself that acts as a filter that will repel away superficial people. It will repel away the people that don't resonate with you at a deep level. And guess what? That's okay. So in the same way that a magnet will attract and repel, the magnet isn't doing anything wrong by repelling people. Same for you. Just be honest with yourself. If you think you want everyone to like you, it's not love and connection you're after, it's approval and validation you're after, which is you believe the condition to being loved because as a kid, unconditional love may have not been the norm. The condition was I want approval and validation, approval and validation. And then we chase approval and validation thinking that's what we want. But remember, you can get all of that in the world like Justin Bieber and you're just gonna get annoyed at a certain point. Do a thought experiment and imagine walking down the street and just everyone just coming up to you like, oh my God, you're amazing. Oh my God, you're so cool. Oh my God. And they just, everywhere you go, there's just people just flocking over you. You'd like it for like a week, maybe 2 weeks, I don't know. You'd like it for a little bit and be like, oh, I'm so special, I'm so significant. But then eventually you'd be like, this is annoying. I don't need this anymore. It might also feel superficial. You might evolve past that. So kinda, kinda sorta, you'll get tired of that. You'll get tired of it. And then what happens though is you feel like you're doing something wrong when you repel certain people. It's a good thing. Like think about this, when you think of boundaries, you setting internal boundaries within yourself and then holding that accountable for yourself, is a way that will repel people that are normally used to maybe you doing a whole bunch of things for them out of obligation. Do you see that? When it comes to boundaries, you might be afraid that if you set boundaries, certain people will leave your life. They might, but guess what? The people that will leave your life when you start setting internal boundaries that you can feel safe in are the people that only resonate with the part of you that benefits them. You see that? So it's not a problem. Like the things we think are problems are not problems. They might even be solutions. Your job is as the ego, like the ego is trying to control because the ego might believe it needs approval and validation to feel love 'cause that's the condition as a kid that was necessary to feel safe. But the thing is, is then you end up playing a game that isn't actually deep, but you end up also like not— you end up abandoning yourself. Does that make sense? You end up abandoning yourself in the process. So what I'm saying, it's not clocking. Maybe it is clocking. Do you want to think of that? He says it's not clocking. It is clocking. They just continue to do it because they want what they want. They want the photo. They want— it's not clocking. It is clocking. They want the reaction. They're getting what they want. It's almost not clocking. Anyways, I'm just I'm just playing around with some of these ridiculous ideas, you know? So if you wanna be a magnet, you have to remove the blocks to you being the magnet. Some of those blocks to being the magnet are you think you shouldn't be repelling people, you think you can't lean into tension, you think you can't express the real you, you think you have to lean in and chase Like imagine a magnet chasing other people to get the magnet, to like to get people to attract to them. No, you don't have to do any of that. You have to let go of those blocks. Let go of the ego desire to control. Let go of those love blocks that were set when you were a kid, those subconscious patterns. And something we're gonna be doing in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge is removing those blocks, feeling more secure within ourself, Feeling more whole and complete on the inside and learning that when you take down the masculine or feminine shield and you begin to connect to that inner child part of you, you begin to embrace a completely different level of magnetism. So if you do want to join that, just type magnetic, magnetic, to be a magnet. Claim your magnetic energy instead of Instead of thinking there's something wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with you. It's a natural part of the process. It's clocking to you now. It's clocking. Is it clocking? It's fricking clocking. Let's see. Let's see. Someone says How do we know what real love feels like? A relationship that is based on validation and approval. So how do you know if something, if a relationship is based on validation or approval or on love and connection? Where are there boundaries or limits on what you can express to your partner or the person that you're with? Are you, do you feel safe to express yourself in your most vulnerable moments? And are you afraid that if you do, you will get disapproval? You see, many times dating in general is a process that you go through where you learn as you go through different experiences, through things coming up. And if being with the person is simply something, if you are trying to compete What is your motivation behind the relationship? Is it, I want this person to like me, I want their approval and validation? And can you allow yourself to just be the real you knowing that you don't have to control the outcome of what happens? And the more you approve of you and the more you accept you by being vulnerable, you then allow someone to actually choose you or not. It's just that a lot of times people are afraid of the disapproval so they don't show that real side of themselves. And when you're really in it, when you really have a deep connection with someone, I believe you don't have to— you don't really— I don't— I think there's a certain level where you don't really question it. You kind of just know. You kind of just feel it. You feel accepted. Part of it is, I think the real question here has to do with safety, feeling safe in a relationship to be yourself. And maybe your pattern from childhood was that you didn't feel safe to express yourself or to be yourself. So you were tiptoeing around mom or dad's validation approval, which might mean now tiptoeing around a partner's validation or approval. So some of the breakthrough here could be around, once again, vulnerability, expressing the real you. Yeah, see, people are commenting vulnerability is a game changer. It really is. Vulnerability is a way of filtering people from your life that are superficial connections, and it's a way of allowing in people from your life that can really resonate with the real you. But how can the people find you if you're not being the real you? If you're tiptoeing around people looking for their validation, approval, you're not being the real you. No wonder they can't find you. Imagine it like an energy, like a, like an energy you're putting out. If you're putting out your true self, you allow people to resonate and find you. But if you're putting out a distorted energy because you want, you're pleasing other people, distortion in the distortion in the radio signal, signal. If you're wanting to try and prove yourself to people, distortion in the field, distortion in the radio signal. It's like a little bit of static. When you're being the real you and you own yourself and you accept yourself and you can see, hear, soothe, and nurture the inner child part of yourself, that's where the magic is. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? What if no one likes the real you? If you can be okay with no one liking the real you and you like you, That's where true freedom is. Sometimes I think people believe, is it really true that no one likes the real you? You might just believe people don't like the real you. Is that true though? Because sometimes confirmation bias, you get it in your mind and then you interpret every little thing someone does and see that person doesn't like me. How do you know they don't like you? Maybe you're projecting onto them they don't like you. Why you do that? Why you do that? Why you do that? This is the interesting thing around projection and like, do we think we know reality? Your beliefs create your reality. What you believe to be true is what you attract into your life. If you believe no one likes you, you will attract experiences that reflect back. See, no one likes me. I interpret every little sign of a little bit of disapproval as they hate me or something. But you're the one with the belief. And when you start liking you and you're not attached to whether they like you or not, you'll be free. But you'll find that there are people that like you. So I would question that. I would question that. The person that said that, what if no one likes you? I would question that and say there are people that like you. You're just filtering them out of your reality because, You have that belief and maybe you get to be right about reality because as a kid you felt like maybe that way. How do I stop fearing death? How do you stop? How about this? How about you stop? How do you stop fearing death? How do you stop fearing a breakup? How do you stop feeling? How do you stop fearing all these things? Is it by avoiding them? Realize that every day Your cells in your body are dying and being reborn. You're dying every single day. You're dying to your old you every day. And you say, I'm afraid of death. I believe we're eternal spiritual beings living temporary human experiences. We're constantly dying and being reborn every moment. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. I know that some of these are just like deeper philosophical ideas, but facing it, Having the courage to face it, not like you have to go towards the edge of a cliff and face it, but what I'm saying is like, I've gone through pretty deep. And anyways, I know this is kind of off topic, but there was a, in the book, Autobiography of a Yogi, there's a quote from one of the mentors, his mentor, who talked about how he was afraid of the boogeyman or something under his bed. And then what he did, is, or his mom told him there was a ghost in a certain room. So he went in that room and stared it straight in the face and he realized that the ghost wasn't there. And what he learned is if you have the courage to like face the fear and to feel it, it dissolves, it transforms. I believe it's the same thing with the idea of death. You can let yourself feel that fear, you can let it come up, You become comfortable, like okay with feeling that emotion, it might begin to dissolve. You might see that there is no death. Of course there's death of the ego, there's death of the physical body, but you're an eternal spiritual being living a temporary human experience. You're in just a form right now. You've just forgotten who you are. Anyways, we've gotten on a tangent here. We were talking about some stuff and we went a little bit on a tangent. So anyways, Let's see. Let me read this. I'm magnetic, but when I attract people who are not at the level I want or are completely wrong target, what does that, what does that reveal? Do I not feel worthy? Or what I really want or the type of man career I want. So the question, I'm confused on the question. So when I attract people who are not at my level that you want, what does that reveal? Well, it might reveal the contrast from what you want to don't want. There's an echo a lot of times. When you shift energy or you start becoming aware of things, you'll get an echo of like an old energy for a while. The key, see, the true degree of change is not whether the external actually changes. It's whether the external can stay the same, but your response changes. And there'll be a temporary reflection in reality of the old. So you might say like, I'm gonna say no to controlling people. And you'd say no to controlling people, and then someone else comes in your life that's controlling. If that happens and you have shifted your energy, You continue to move through that instead of saying, okay, I guess I'm supposed to stay in this forever. There's an echo of the old. If you say there's something wrong with me, see, I didn't shift. If the reflection changes, but your energy, if the reflection doesn't change, but your energy changes, that's where the true degree of change is, is also being able to accept and not internalize it so much. You know, it's a funny thing because sometimes we're like, we must change reality, we must change the patterns. And if we would accept them and let them be there and then choose from a level of awareness, that's where a lot of power can be too. Does that make sense? So what was your biggest insight from today so far? So we're talking about that of magnetic energy. We're talking about you being a magnet, owning your magnetism instead of repelling it. Instead of thinking there's something wrong with you for repelling certain people, it's not a problem. In fact, it's a solution. So it's like you being magnetic is you being not attached to outcome. If we take this a step further, a big part of what I teach is like the inner child part of us that felt like there was conditional love as a kid. When you think of these mechanisms, they're control mechanisms. The ego has control mechanisms. People pleaser. Fixer, people that can sense other people's energies, what we call empaths. These are survival mechanisms created as a kid because there were conditions as a kid of how you had to be and how you had to relate to other people that were parts of conditional love. And a lot of times that's connected to approval and validation. And what I'm saying is that that's the ego's desire to control. When you let go and you let God, You are aware of this, you let go and you let God, that's where you allow magic to flow in. And I think when it comes to attracting love, there's way too much emphasis on the ego doing that job. The ego's like, how do I, I need to go here, I need to do this, I need to make the checklist, all these things. When in fact, when you let go of needing to attract love at all and you start embodying love, you then start perceiving of the love that's around you. Because remember, if love is around the corner, if love is close, it's still not here. You can only perceive of the energy that you are, but everyone's beating up the drum of love is in the future, love is in the future. I'm looking for love, looking for love, looking for love. And if you're looking for love, it's not here now. It's not here now. It's not here now. Where is it? It's not clocking. Where is it? Where's the love? A lot of times there might be an inner child part of us. It's like, where's the love? And we're like, we're looking for it, little Johnny. We're gonna find it soon. Maybe it's out there in the grand abyss. Maybe it's at the yoga studio. Maybe it's all the way over there. Maybe it's in an ex. That's where the love is. But that's not love. That's approval and validation because that was the condition to love as a kid that was necessary to feel safe. But it's the ugly step, it's like the ugly step cousin or something of love. Love and connection comes from vulnerability, comes from expressing the real you. It comes from owning who you are, comes from self-acceptance, comes with focusing on your own life instead of trying to control reality to make it happen. It comes from trusting God. That's what we're gonna be doing very soon. If you want to join the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, you wanna remove love blocks so that love starts chasing you, you wanna let go of the subconscious patterns that are keeping you either single or in connections that aren't deep, if you want to strengthen the relationship you're already in to go deeper, then what you can do is respond magnetic. See right there? And? Yeah, it's magically happening. And also when you join that, you will also get, I'm going, those of you may know I'm going, doing a London live event here at the end of September, September 26th, 27th, 28th. If you join the Magnetic Challenge right now, you also get a free ticket to my virtual, a virtual live event. It's all done via Zoom, which is really cool. So recorded in HD, lifetime access to the recordings, everything. You can join the London live event from anywhere in the world, watch the replays if you can't make it live, but there's hot seat coaching, live meditations, and group dynamic work that makes it extremely powerful. People are always surprised by that because there's things you do that make it a very powerful experience. So anyways, yeah, some of you I'll be seeing in London. I can see people in the chat. I'll be seeing a lot of you in London. It's gonna be magical. So anyways, I wanna thank you all for being here today. Other than that, I'll see you guys soon. You guys like this live? Was this fun? Basically it's how to be a magnet. It's kind of like that idea. Anyways, thank you guys all for being here. And as always, peace, much love, and namaste. If you wanna become a magnet to love, one of the most powerful videos I have is that clip I mentioned from the Miami live event. Watch this woman completely transform on stage. It's one of my most popular newer videos. Has over a million views of just showing someone go through this transformation firsthand. If you want to check it out, check it out right here.