How to Have Unconditional Self-Esteem: Tools to Feeling Worthy

In this video, what I want to do is show you guys the power of self-esteem, how you can feel more worthy about who you are. Now I want to give you guys some tools that can ultimately help you feel that value from within. Now the first thing I want to say is that this video is very relevant for me because what I'm going through right now and the process I'm going to take you through is you seeing me go through the process of feeling that self-esteem from within. Now I know this sounds trivial, but what I'm going to do in this video is I'm going to shave and trim my beard a lot. And the reason I'm doing this is because I remember that the last time, it's like 4 or 5 months ago, that I trimmed my beard, for some reason afterwards I didn't feel as confident. It was like I wasn't as confident walking around and I didn't feel as secure with who I was simply because I didn't have a beard. Now I know that sounds ridiculous, but I looked at the idea and realized that because I began to identify and that became a part of my identity. I became attached to that idea, and especially because having a beard represents maybe the idea of wisdom or the idea of feeling more masculine and alpha in certain situations. I realized that I began to identify with these concepts, and because of that, I realized that my self-esteem was very conditional based upon the certain circumstances or conditions being in place for me to feel that level of worthiness. So the idea is almost that because I have a beard, I was giving myself permission to feel that self-esteem. And because of that, it became something that was kind of being projected outside of myself because really that comes from within. So in order to explain this idea, I want to first off talk about the difference between the idea of self-confidence and the idea of self-esteem. So on one hand, we have the idea of self-confidence. Now, self-confidence is normally attributed to the idea of doing. So we do something consistently and then we feel confident about doing it. Self-esteem is attributed with just being. It's part of who you are. It's part of the identity. Now what I want to talk about is really the idea of identity and understanding that self-esteem is a part of who we naturally are. Having a high self-esteem is our natural state of being and that through the process of growing up and going through life experiences, we then begin to externalize our self-esteem, but that this is going to be one of the most powerful steps that we can take towards reestablishing that level of self-esteem. Now, first off, having self-esteem is about knowing who we are. It's about knowing that that's a part of our natural state of being. So normally, let's look at the idea of self-confidence. Self-confidence is based upon the idea of doing. So the idea then is that self-confidence is more attributed to the idea of doing, whereas self-esteem is more attributed to the idea of being. But see, as we grow up, a lot of the times what we do is we begin to externalize and identify who we are, not based upon this natural state of who we are, but but we then tag these external doings as to who we are, as to how we can give ourselves permission to feel a certain way. Now, the problem with attributing our self-esteem to what we do is we then go on like a roller coaster ride because when we're making the money that we want to make, we give ourselves permission to feel a certain way. When we're dating the person that we want to date, then we give ourselves permission to feel a certain way. But the moment any of those circumstances change, that self-esteem begins to diminish because we are contributing the value based upon what we are doing. Now the first part of this process is realizing that we must separate what we are doing from who we are, from what we are being. And the way that we do that is by first off knowing that self-esteem is a part of our natural state of being. Now in order for me to show this to you, I want to show you the example of a 4-year-old. For example, when you see a 4-year-old, when they walk around, normally they have a high level of self-esteem. That's because they haven't been conditioned out of it yet, and because of that, they exude it naturally. They are naturally just able to be themselves. Themselves. Now the idea is that as that 4-year-old maybe goes to school the first time, they might get a bad grade or something. They might then begin to diminish their self-esteem because they are contributing that to the external circumstance of what is happening. Maybe then their parents don't accept them in the same way or give them pressure. The idea is that then they externalize that level of self-worthiness and then they're seeking validation. So the point is that we then begin to externalize who we are based upon what is happening in the circumstances in our life. Now the way that we get back to that is by letting go of all those circumstances, letting go of the things that we do and realize that we are valuable simply by being ourselves. What I'm going to go do right now is I'm going to trim up my beard quite a bit and what I want to do is I want to show you guys that I can maintain that level of self-confidence afterwards by the way that I think. And then I'm going to give you guys the tool that you can use in your own life towards feeling that self-esteem no matter what no matter what the circumstance is, no matter what you tag onto your identity, and you can really learn that that's who you are naturally. So let's go. It's a scary sound. I remember that one time I had a dream. This is a couple months ago, and in that dream, somehow my beard got shaved, and I woke up like sweating. It was a bad— it was like a nightmare almost, just because of that. I know it sounds stupid, but for some reason I've identified for the last like 5 or 6 months with the having a beard. And I want to show you guys that you can overcome any insecurity you have or anything that you feel like you need as an outer circumstance in order for you to feel a certain way. You can almost just let that go. So here goes. Now I shaved it. I'm going through the process right now of just feeling that self-esteem, not really caring that the condition underneath it is there, but really it comes from me knowing that that self-esteem has always been there. It was just me giving myself permission at a certain level when I had the beard to feel a certain way. I can give myself that same permission right now, and that's what I'm doing now. I want to give you guys the first couple tools in order to really feel this self-esteem and to move through any kind of external conditions that you think you need there. And one of the first ones is you simply have to become determined and committed to internalizing the belief that you are already valuable. So what this comes from is understanding that you have value for being you. This comes from the understanding that you can choose to look at yourself from a perspective where you are unique. There's a certain level of personality that you have that nobody else has. You have a unique perspective just by being you. And the same way we look at a baby and we say that that baby is valuable even though the baby's not doing anything, is same humanity that is in that baby is in you. So when you come to understand this and you really choose to internalize it and you maybe even write down the reasons why you would internalize it, the benefits that would come from that, what you then begin to do is move the momentum in that direction. Now, just in the same way that we might have a car and you might be going a certain speed and you push on the brake, you're not going to stop immediately. There's some distance that's going to go before you actually stop. In the same way, there's a certain level of conscious patterns that go on that kind of negate the idea of feeling that self-esteem already. The awareness is the symbol of that brake, so you're going to use that awareness to slow down the thought patterns that slow you down from feeling that self-esteem. Esteem. And the way that you do that is you simply become aware of what you're thinking of, especially when you find that you're not feeling confident or with that self-esteem. So what this means is that in the beginning, you become aware of when you're thinking the way you are. It might be even after you went through an experience of not feeling confident. You could have said, oh, I could have done that. I was feeling like I was seeking validation, whatever it is. But as long as you become aware that that's what you're doing is you're paying attention. That is the first step. Then what'll happen is you'll actually start to catch yourself while you're in it. So you'll start to feel a certain way and then you'll kind of say, wait, I can feel the different way. And the reason that is is because you've now identified with the fact that you already have that self-esteem inside of you. The thing is is you almost just have to let that other identity play itself out a little bit, but the more aware of it you become, the better. Then what'll happen is You'll become aware of it while you're in it, and eventually you'll become aware of it before it even happens. So right when you feel that emotion, you'll automatically, before it has any momentum, you'll begin to shift it. And as you begin to become aware of it, it dissolves immediately because you realize that that's not who you are anymore. This process of understanding how powerful our identity is is one of the most powerful things we have for tuning ourselves in the direction that we want to go. For feeling what we want to feel underneath who we are. And the way that we do that is we simply first off become aware of what we're thinking. We decide and we no longer identify with the old self. And once we acknowledge the old self, the old patterns that are going on, we then immediately start to think the way that we choose to and we reidentify ourselves as someone who has that self-esteem within and feels it naturally. That's what I'm doing right now. I feel the self-worthiness within me regardless of whether I have a beard or not. And because of that, I'm able to actually just feel it. So I hope this video at some level helps you today understand that you already have that self-esteem, that that is part of who you naturally are, that all you have to do is tune yourself to the way that you feel, tune yourself to what you're thinking, and choose to identify yourself as somebody that is already 100% whole and complete and has that self-esteem in as part of who you naturally are. So I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Feel free to like this video if you liked it, share it if you found it of value. And other than that, I'll see you guys in the next video without a beard. All right, much love.