How to Let Go Even if You Believe You Can't (7 TIPS)

Letting go is extremely easy when we let it be easy, but also letting go is extremely hard if we believe letting go is hard. Now in this video, I wanna show you the 7 tips that have made letting go so much easier for me, even at times when I believed letting go was impossible. First tip with this is to become aware of what attachment you have and how that's helping you to avoid feeling certain emotions. So this is an interesting part of the process is a lot of times what we do is we may have an attachment. Maybe that attachment is to a belief about ourselves. Maybe it's to a person. Maybe it's to someone in your past. Maybe the attachment is to people thinking about you in a certain way or what other people think about you. And what happens is these attachments we think are there because we need whatever that is. The belief is if I have that person, then I'll be enough, then I'll be happy. If these people feel this way about me and they gimme the validation or approval or whatever it is, then I will finally feel enough and I can feel safe. The challenge with this is that if that's the belief, then of course it's hard to let go. It's hard to let go when you believe somebody else has your eternal happiness, when you believe someone else has a part of you that you need. And the thing that makes all the difference in the world is when you become aware that the attachment you have is simply a distraction from feeling certain emotions. And they say that a lot of times these emotions are either a mix of fear, grief, or anger. So at a certain level, there may be an avoidance of looking at anger. Let's think about this in the whole nice guy persona thing. Some people, especially empathic people, may identify as being a nice guy or a people pleaser. Normally under a nice guy or a people pleaser, what's happening is there's this fake facade that's putting up. The facade is, I'm gonna be very nice. And this also gets back to manipulation. I read this book recently and it talked about manipulation and it uses words to understand the deeper meaning of it. Now think of it like this. Think of like a nice guy who was once a baby who was given the nipple of the mom and that was the source of everything. That was the source of, comfort, the source of nurturing, the source of nutrients. And then at a certain point, the nipple went away or it wasn't around. And what happens is in order for some people to get their needs met, what they do is they manipulate, manipulation, manipulate other people so that they can get the teat, they can get the nipple. And what they're doing is they're going over to people and they're like, are you the nipple? Are you the nipple? And then other people feel that needy energy and they're like, get away from me. Find your source within yourself. And that's why that journey is normally you must be the source of your own happiness and let go of the belief, the attachment that everyone else become the teat. So it's kind of a metaphor there. It's kind of a funny metaphor, but nonetheless, that's what a lot of times people pleasers and nice guys, Manipulation, mani-pulation. They want the nipple in everything and they're looking for the source outside of themselves. So the attachment is the belief, the attachment is the awareness, and a lot of times the attachment is a distraction from feeling your own emotions. So the key to this is to actually, and this is something I've been doing recently when it comes to looking at any attachment I have, and honestly, feeling the patterns in my body that come from childhood and allowing myself to feel it, to heal it. Because as you bring awareness into presence, that allows the energy to leave your body from the childhood dynamics. Because here's an interesting thing, and this is the second one that I wanna share with you when it comes to the tip to letting go, it's understanding that there really is no outside. There really, even when you look at the triggers in your life, your friend not calling you back, somebody else saying something to you that ticks you off, somebody else showing up late, whatever the trigger is in your life, you think that it has to do with them. You might think there's a story there. People always do this to me. People are always late. Whatever the story is, the story is a reflection of an energy signature, of an energy. And the key is realizing that that energy, the story is not true. And the story is that whatever the trigger is, that's a messenger. You should be grateful that that came to you because it allows you to integrate something about yourself that you weren't aware of before. So don't shoot the messenger. The key is taking responsibility for that energy and realizing a lot of times the things that are the biggest triggers for you were also between 0 and 7 years old, that life cycle. Things happen in that life cycle that then repeat themselves at least every 7 years because of that energy dynamic. So healing, In this process is about becoming aware of what that energy is and allowing yourself to recognize that the outside is simply a reflection of the inside. That allows you to take more responsibility and to realize that you don't need to look outside to get the needs met. It's all within, and the key is leaning into those emotions. I've shared on my channel before the frame technique. It's the most powerful meditation process I've ever found. It's where you simply bring the awareness in your hands and your feet and you actually feel the separation between you and a candle flame, you and the walls, and you put the awareness in your heart. And as you put presence in your heart, present moment awareness inside of your heart, any emotions that come up, sometimes people will feel sadness, they'll feel anger, You might also feel happiness. Whatever emotions come up are the emotions that you haven't allowed yourself to be present with. That's all really healing is. It's not even really healing, it's integrating past emotions. And when you feel it, that's when you heal it. But a lot of times what we do is we void our feelings and we distract ourselves with attachments and the belief that the outside actually is going to change the inside. And it doesn't work that way. Think about getting into a relationship with someone. Finally, I'm enough. Finally, this person's here with me proving and showing that I am enough. But then eventually, there's probably gonna be a fear, maybe they're gonna leave, or maybe they don't act the way that you want them to act, so you're trying to manipulate them, nipple, manipulate them into doing and giving your own needs. Because there's an avoidance of feeling the emotions inside that happened during childhood. Now, the next tip that I wanna share with you has to do with becoming aware of that, of the language you use in your life. Now, language is very powerful because language reveals to us what we believe. I was talking to someone the other day and they were talking about a roommate that they have. And they were talking about how this roommate takes advantage of them. And the language they used to me is, "They just know how to run me. They know how to work me. They know how to play me. And there's nothing I can do about it." And I'm thinking, and I told this person, I said, "Listen to the language you're using." "This person is playing me. They know how to work me and there's nothing I can do about it." You could be in your own frame and make choices, especially 'cause this person was like the one that was like renting the house that like could make the rules, but they didn't even know they had that power because their language was revealing that. Their language was revealing their lack, the belief they had in their lack of power. But let your language show you what you believe. If you believe letting go is hard, then become aware that that's what you believe. Yes, I believe it's hard, that's why it's hard. Remember, believe letting go is easy because letting go is simply a choice you make. You make a choice to let something go. If I have my phone and I make a choice, I'm gonna let this go, all I gotta do is make the choice. Now the thing is, it's harder to make that choice when it's something we really like. Like imagine this was a very fragile phone that would break if I dropped it. Now I'm putting importance on it, right? Putting importance on the phone. I don't want it to break. So letting go is hard because if it breaks, oh my goodness, I'm gonna have to buy a new phone. There's all these other mixed signals and things there. That's how it works a lot of times. With the attachments we have. We put a story onto the attachment. Oh, why is it hard? You know, like imagine there's a rock. It's hard to let go of the, it's not hard to let go of a rock. You just let it go. But if that rock was the rock that your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend gave you, your mom or grandma originally gave it to you, and you feel loyalty to the rock because it was in your family lineage, then of course it's gonna feel a lot harder to let go of that rock because there's so much story put onto that. But the key is becoming aware of what that story is. Not even, here's the thing, you don't, I take that back. You do not need to become aware of what the story actually is. Behind the story, there's an emotion. And what is that emotion? The key is feeling the emotion. Sometimes insight will come from that. For example, another thing, another tip I'm gonna share with you, and I'll just get into it now, is using your dreams as a powerful way of working through this energy. Because as you commit to this process of detaching from attachment, and as you feel the emotions you haven't allowed yourself to feel, your subconscious mind and your body goes through a process of purging out past emotion and past experience, which then results, by the way, Sometimes people do this 'cause they wanna change the outside. A side effect of feeling the emotions you haven't allowed yourself to feel is that then people start responding to you differently. You don't attract the same experiences in your life over and over again, whereas normally you will attract in that first 7-year period, if you had somebody that came into your life that then betrayed you, You might find that every so often somebody betrays you. Why do I keep attracting the same person over and over again? Well, it's because that energy pattern is there, and that energy pattern is what is keeping that energy alive. So the key is feeling into that. Now, what I wanted to share with you is lately I have been going through the lesson and the attachment that I have that I've always been like letting go of my life is the attachment to control, controlling outcome, wanting to know everything about where my life is going. And I'm in a transition right now where I'm moving from an identity of being on YouTube for years to 2023 committing to many live events, not just one. I did one main live event and then retreats in 2022. 2023, it's like I just wanna get into the energy of running live events. And I'm finding myself, there's like almost a, I'm working through the control of not knowing exactly when we're doing what. I'm kind of figuring it out, but there's like a fear of like letting go of the whole YouTuber identity. And part of that fear has come with me having very interesting dreams. For example, one night I had a dream where I was in this car, and dreams are subconscious representations of energy dynamics that we're working through in our life. It's a subconscious purging. You can actually do a lot of work in your dreams. And it's not absolutely necessary to remember every little dream. However, it's very powerful to become aware of these different things. One night I had a dream where I was driving in my car, my Tesla, and then what happened is I was in the passenger seat and there was nobody in the driver's seat. And then I became aware there was no one in the driver's seat. I started to freak out and then I realized the car was drifting into like a different space and I tried getting in the passenger seat into the driver's seat before it crashed. But like then I, as I got in the driver's seat, I like fell asleep or some shit. It was really weird. But it was a dream to me that was all about losing control, not feeling in control and that fear. And it was representing that to me. Two nights later, I have a dream where I am in a plane, like a helicopter plane. It was like a mix of both. It was kind of weird. And I'm in this plane and once again, I'm in the back of it and it's just driving itself. And it was fun. I was like flying, I could feel it. And then what happened is I realized it started to like move in that weird direction, like a helicopter would, like it's about to crash. And then I went to the front and tried steering it in the right direction, but it was too late. And then I crashed and I thought I died, but I didn't. And then I like, the next part of the dream, I was like on this truck driving to this place where the plane was gonna get fixed. And like the plane, I was in the car and then like the plane was on the back of the car. I don't know the meaning of that, but Nonetheless, what I realized is those two memories of losing control came up, and then I was talking to a friend of mine and I was integrating that experience and explaining it, and he asked me an interesting question. Was there ever a point in your life where you felt like you weren't in control and it was a lot of fear that was there? Immediately, a memory poked out to me. When I was like 5 years old, I was in my, I was with my dad and my mom, maybe even 4 years old, Wow, 'cause my parents divorced when I was 5. I may have been 3 or 4 years old. I didn't know I was that young. And what happened was I was at an apartment complex where my uncle lived and I was with my grandma, my dad, my mom. I don't even know if my brother was born yet, so I may have been like 3. And what happened is I was like in the pool and I was like swimming and then all of a sudden I was drowning in the community apartment pool. And I could feel myself grasping for air and then sinking down, and then I started going to panic. And then what happened is just in the nick of time, when I think I was about to like die or something, like I literally was like panic mode, my dad pulls me out. My dad saw me somehow and pulled me out, thankfully. When that happened, there was a feeling of not being in control. The depths of the water were scary. I was in the unknown. And what I then did is became aware of this, and then the key was me allowing myself to feel in that energy of that fear. I would then in meditation be bringing the awareness into my heart, bringing the awareness to my body, and let myself feel the fear from that moment when I was 5 or 3 or whatever. And as I feel it, I'm allowing that energy to leave my life. And then the awareness has come of where else in my life am I doing that? Because remember, 90% of all transformation is awareness. And as you become aware, That's where then you can make a new choice. You don't have to let that hold you back any longer. Now, another thing I'll share with you when it comes to letting go is let the relationship you have with letting go, it will appear that the letting go thing is hard. It will appear like I don't wanna let go of these things. The fear is if I let go of this person, then they're never gonna come back and I'm not gonna have my eternal happiness that I, this story that I'm, and fusing onto them, but instead let the thing, the trigger, let that be your entry point into presence. Let that be your entry point into doing the work, into feeling inside of your body, into allowing the energy to be there. Because until you feel it, you will continue to attract it. All the outer reality is is a reflection of the inner emotional state. So if you felt between, and this is why I do recommend as well becoming aware of between 0 and 7 years old, do you remember any emotion, anything that happened in that period of time where you may have responded in a certain way and maybe repeating that same cycle over and over and over again? For example, if you felt abandoned emotionally or physically as a kid between 0 and 7, you may continue to create the experience of choosing people that are emotionally unavailable, that abandon you, sabotaging relationships so that things don't work out. Why? Because that is what love is. We have these definitions of what love is. And love is not unconditional. One of the, the thing, love is unconditional in its core, but we as kids did not experience unconditional love. No matter what, the thing that is hard about our reality is that love at a certain level is conditional, and it is very challenging for those conditions to be met. Even if we had the most amazing parents in the world, the harsh truth of reality, we look at those three emotions I shared earlier. There's fear, anger, and grief. And what you'll find is at the deeper level of fear, there's actually anger. The nice guy people pleaser, they're afraid of what other people think of them. They're afraid of being themselves. At the very core of a nice guy or a people pleaser is an immense amount of rage. Rage for people that maybe abandoned them, people that maybe didn't accept them. And under that, that's why a lot of times Once the nice guy people pleaser eventually wakes up, they realize, "I've been saying yes to things I don't wanna do for so long." That was my experience a couple years ago when I woke up outta this. I was like, "Why did I always abandon myself for other people?" And there was an anger with my past self that I had to become more compassionate with. Underneath the anger though is grief. And the grief is the loss. The grief is the thing that you're avoiding by holding onto the attachment. Grief is the broken heart of realizing that life that you thought was gonna be unconditional wasn't. There was some level of condition based on love, and that's the broken heart. That's the deep level. That's the loss. But what I'm saying is if you allow yourself to feel into these deeper emotions and you realize that at a certain point between 0 and 7 years old, maybe there was a feeling of that loss and you let yourself feel into it. Maybe the memory comes up, maybe it doesn't. But as you feel into the emotion, you allow that energy to come up and you allow yourself to release it. And you let whatever attachments you have in your reality be a permission slip for you to feel into and become aware of something you weren't aware of before. You would then relate to it differently. I used to go through a process and maybe at a certain level I still do, where when I say I'm gonna be somewhere, for the most part, I'm on time and I'm there. When people are late or they say they're gonna show up at a certain time and they show up 30 minutes later, or like if I get onto a Zoom call and someone takes 20, like 10 minutes to get on a Zoom call, I get triggered. And one of the reasons I get triggered, I believe, is there's a feeling of, of abandonment. Somebody said they're gonna do something, they didn't do it. That energy is beneficial, that I could get mad at the messenger, I can get mad at the person, but the only reason that's happening is 'cause I haven't taken responsibility for the fear and the anger that I have towards when I was a kid, somebody saying they're gonna do something and not do it. So what this allows me the ability to do is to be grateful for that experience and to feel it, to let myself feel, to bring present moment awareness into that emotion, into that experience. And to not avoid it and to blame someone else. You showed up at this time. That trigger is in me. It's not their fault. In fact, they're just a messenger. Don't shoot the messenger. So a big tip for letting go is realizing letting go the things that you have the troubles, the most trouble letting go of are the things you most need to integrate into your life. The things that you most need to feel into. Let yourself feel the grief. Let yourself feel the loss. Let yourself feel the anger. Let yourself feel the fear. Let it be a good thing that it's there because it's helping you to integrate your human experience. And as you integrate it, it's a trippy thing, but as you let go of caring what people think, as you let go of wondering if people are gonna abandon you, as you integrate these emotions, your outer reality will then change because you at the energetic level have integrated emotions, an energetic signature into your heart, into your body that then allows you to become free. This is really just about bringing presence into the heart, presence into the body, awareness into the 0 to 7 life cycle where you are mainly in your emotional body, and then you've been just replaying that same 7-year cycle over and over again. And once you bring awareness to that of what the deeper core could be, or just feeling into that energy, you begin to dissipate the energy and you begin to feel more powerful than ever before. So this is the key. If you want to learn, by the way, the frame technique, one of the most powerful processes I've ever learned for integrating this kind of energy, listen to this meditation right here for 21 days and watch how much your life changes. We're gonna do this little activation exercise that you can come back to for the next 21 days and see how different your energy is. Now, before, the way that I was and the way I showed up in the world is that I was hyper— like, I was hyper attached to what