How to love yourself so deeply you become dangerously attractive

The degree to which you choose and love yourself is the degree to which other people can love and choose you too. That's because reality is a mirror. It is reflecting back what you believe about you, and it is training other people to treat you in the way in which you treat yourself. In this video, I'm going to show you how to finally start loving and choosing yourself. I'm going to show you a perspective that has completely transformed my own life over the last 2 months where in the last 2 months I've experienced more growth than in the last 2 years. In this video, I'm going to show you the one question that Tony Robbins asks people when he's hot seat coaching them that completely pops them. And I'm going to show you the 3 flips that when you begin to implement in your life will completely transform your life from the inside out. So with that being said, let's get into it right now. The first thing, which alone I think can completely shift your life if you really absorb it, is understanding that the degree to which you love you or choose you is the degree to which other people can love you or choose you. And this for me has been an insight recently that has completely transformed my own life. I've had more growth in this last month or two than I have in the last 2 years because of this one idea alone. And one of the things that happened for me is a part of choosing myself has been expressing myself in the most authentic way. You see, for literally the last 2 years, there's been an energy where in order for me to get to the next level, I felt that I had to become someone else that had all these different skills. I had to travel and run lots of live events, and instead of just teaching with my whiteboard even at live events teaching with my whiteboard, I felt like I needed to coach people, bring them on stage, and give breakthroughs for everyone else in the audience to see. And there was this belief that I had to become more than I was in order to be successful, to accept myself, and to get to the quote-unquote next level. Now, while over the last 2 years I've run like 20+ live events, I've literally gone, got on stage for 2 or 3 days in a row, allowed the energy to flow through and coached people. It's been a powerful experience and there's aspects of it I still love, so I'm not completely downplaying it. But what's funny is where the growth has come from over the last month or 2, it's come from actually owning myself and choosing to express myself that's actually core to who I am. There's like a level of self-acceptance that's there now. So in these videos, for example, since I've been recommitting to YouTube, to teaching, and to being in the energy of what got me here to where I'm at, instead of thinking I need to be and compare myself to other people, which is what I was doing, by the way, I literally stopped being who I was to become more. But then I would also compare myself to all my friends and other people that do the kind of work where they're coaching people on stage and stuff. And what I realized was I was in a way starting to become kind of like them, but I was abandoning myself. I was abandoning what actually made me different. So a huge part of this experience for me has completely transformed to the degree to which I've actually accepted what makes me different and also expressed myself in a more powerful way. So the first thing that alone I think could transform your life in this process is this idea that you are not a noun. You're not a noun. You're like, Aaron, a noun? A noun is a person, place, or thing. You are a verb. Now, what I mean by a verb is like, you are something that's always evolving, and the expression is what allows you to choose you. So the degree to which I have chose myself owned myself over the last month or two has literally completely transformed my life, my business, and my energy. Very powerful. And it's come from this energy of understanding that instead of following and wanting to control the outside, control what people think about me, it comes from now in a level of expression. So literally, here's the biggest shift, by the way, also. Here's a symbol for you that you can apply in your own life. You can apply this towards attracting love. You can apply this towards success and money. You can apply this towards anything. Now, look at the energy of these videos that I'm making now. It's a very different energy than videos I was making 2 months ago. Now, 2 months ago, the focus was on, one, I was doing lots of different things. I was making like 5 different styles of content. And in a way, it was like, what do I have to do to get views and to grow the reach? Who do I need to become? And there was an energy of trying to figure that out. And what happens is, what's funny now is now I don't focus on views at all. I might acknowledge that now there's growth and use that as a symbol for you to understand that there's growth. But now I focus on sharing ideas that connect things together in a new way. Together, I focus on expressing myself I focus on having fun with the process. I focus on adding value in these videos in a new way. And that's now my focus. I've now focused on expressing myself in a more powerful way. And that's what I focus on. I don't focus on the results. I focus on the expression. And then every video I put out, what happens is I'm proud of it. I'm excited for it. I can't wait to see how people respond to the video in the sense of I hope it adds value, but it's not based on views and outer metrics. So what's interesting is like whether people like it or not, I like it and I'm having fun with it. So I'm in an energy of presence, I'm in an energy of expansion, I'm in an energy of expression. And when I'm in that energy, I'm more magnetic. Now, interestingly enough, those videos do way better than any other videos I've been putting out the last 2 years. So you could say the degree to which I am expressing the real me is the degree to which I am choosing and loving the real me is the degree to which then people just so happen to also be reflecting and vibing with that energy. So it's a complete reflection of that energy. Of how I'm showing up. So I just wanted to point the attention there for a moment because it actually come— the success came when I stopped like trying to be like certain friends of mine, trying to believe I had to grow in certain ways. I would actually slightly abandon myself from being myself in order to be who I thought other people wanted me to be. And guess what? It would feel draining. It's like I was forcing myself to make videos in a certain way with a specific outcome. And as I focus now on this present moment expressing myself, what's funny is all the results come because I'm choosing me. This reminds me of even when I had that 9-to-5 job selling women's shoes. I went into work every day. If I went into work focusing on trying to make money, the metrics, it was an energy of resistance. When I went into work with the intention of connecting to people adding value to people and having fun and expressing the real me, there was an expression because I'd focus on actually showing my personality, having fun. I would make more money than the days I went in looking for the money. It was like magic. And recently I realized, oh my gosh, I took that out of YouTube. I just— now these YouTube videos are ways to grow the message, and, and like, it's this means to an end. And then everybody watching is like a means to an end to get views, to grow. No. This is about expression. So you choosing you is realizing that when you get into the energy of allowing the flow to come through, which we're gonna talk, which is probably the biggest thing that's gonna shift when you understand how this reflects onto your energy of becoming an empty vessel, which we'll talk about in a minute. But understand, but the more you give yourself permission to be you, the more free you will feel And when you feel free and you have this like almost inner knowing that this is who you are, you won't care whether they choose you or not, okay? So that's the first thing to understand about this process. So there's either you being you or you being not you, okay? Now secondly, this idea alone I think can also shift your life. Before we get to, later on we'll get to the flip at the end of every video, I'm doing the flip which shows you the 3 ways to apply this video that will completely transform your life from the inside out. At the end of every video, we will go into that. That's the integration. But next, let's understand this one concept. Anything— now this explains this phenomenon. You ready for a phenomenon? Why is it that there are certain people, let's go deep on this right now, why is it that there's certain people that you might put on a pedestal You might give them a little halo. You might want their approval and validation, and you might find that you don't get it. And then there's people over here where you could care less whether they like you or not. You could care less whether they give you approval or not. And over here, you're like, yes, they're choosing me, but I don't want them to— I don't care if they choose me or not. Let's look at that energy for a sec. People over here, you don't care whether they choose you or not. You Over here, they're on a pedestal. It's really important. There's a projection of energy. You resist seeing that. And a lot of times when people say, "Well, Aaron, certain guys like me, I don't care about, eh, but the guys over here don't like me." Here's one of the common denominators. That's this idea. This went viral on Instagram when I shared it a couple weeks ago. And this is the concept. When you are around these people over here, You give yourself permission to be you. You give yourself permission to let your freak flag fly, just blowing in the wind. You're like, I don't care whether you like me or not, so I'm gonna be the weird version of me. I'm gonna own myself. But then the people over here, you're like, that freak flag ain't flying. What are they gonna think of the flag? It's gonna be too red. Instead of letting that freak flag fly, you let it die. And then what do you do? You start being kind of weird, but not in a good way. You're like, you stop being you, you stop choosing you. And as you stop choosing you and as you project all this importance and approval onto them, they also feel the pressure, by the way. They can't actually choose you when there's all that pressure. So what happens is they may not choose you. But one of the reasons they ain't choosing you is because you stop being you. You start being a little bit weird, like 80%, 70% of yourself. And remember, the degree to which you choose you is the degree to which the universe, the degree to which other people can choose you. And when you get to a place to where you choose you, you are being you and expressing you, which we're gonna talk about in a minute 'cause that's the key, the magical key that you turn, flips around this whole process. Might be one of the flips, who knows? But when you take people off a pedestal, you then see yourselves as equal to them, you can connect to them, and then you realize that you're good either way. I remember, let me share with you two little experiences of this. One, I used to experience this whole hierarchy thing where there's people, even on this camera, for example. Let's talk about that for a minute. This camera used to be, me connecting to you right here, used to be a way in which I could just express the most authentic me. It was like an expression mechanism that I just would channel through. And then something changed where I started telling myself, I'm not a YouTuber anymore, I am a live event person. So what happened is being that live event person, I stopped being the person that is with the camera, and I started abandoning myself. And then I put a lot of pressure on the camera because I was like, I really want to get views and stuff. So I started making it weird. I made it weird in a bad way. Now I'm weird, but in a good way, right? I'm letting that freak flag fly, and I like it whether you like it or not. But here's another example I'll share with you, the whole hierarchy thing. When I used to meet people that I'd met on YouTube and people that I looked up to when I was first getting on YouTube, I'd meet them. And what happened is for like 1 or 2 times, I'd be like weird in the bad way. Like I wasn't being myself because their approval or validation meant a lot. And what I find myself doing is siphoning off me being authentic and making it a little bit weird because there was a part of me that wanted approval or validation from them because I've been watching them on YouTube for years or on whatever. What would happen is 2 or 3 times of hanging out with some of these people, you wanna know what happened? I'd start to see their flaws. Not flaws in a bad way, but flaws like, um, the things that made them human. And then I would recognize, oh wow, this person's human just like me. They're not mortal immortal, they're a mortal human. And I was like, wait, I'm a mortal human too. And then I'd be able to connect with them. So by the second or third time, all of a sudden I'm able to connect with them in a powerful way. And then it's not so weird. And then I would express more of myself. And think about this too, when we talk about choosing you and loving yourself, there are certain people you're around, like your friends, where you could just be the weird you and let that freak flag fly. Then there are certain friends or people, even strangers, where you don't let that freak flag fly. And it's draining to be around them, but it's easy to be around your friends. What's the difference there? Once again, you are giving yourself permission to be the real you. You're giving yourself permission to express the real you, which is the key, which we'll talk about in a minute. That changes literally everything, what I share with you about that. So literally, when I would start to stop taking people— so that's why we say no hierarchy, no hierarchy. There's no hierarchy here. What you do is you realize that people you put on a pedestal and you give a halo They're then above you, then they're looking down at you, but you've created an energy where they're not equal to you. It creates pressure that creates resistance. Let's talk for a moment about pressure again too. I was actually talking to my girlfriend about this because she was mentioning that for her attracting love, her and I like meeting and connecting, 'cause we actually knew each other for years, was she took the pressure off completely. Like right before we went to this trip to Costa Rica, she was on these apps, completely got off of them. She took the pressure off and she started, it's not even to agree to it, she's like, "I chose myself." It was more so she just took the pressure off from trying to figure it out or do all of these things to get a certain result. Just like when I make these videos, it's like their expression is a momentary thing that allows energy to flow through, But impression and results is something that you're trying to get. It's a results. And if you're on apps, you might be trying to get the result instead of expressing and meeting people and having fun with the process. Just like now, my YouTube, these YouTube videos are reaching more people than they have in like 2 years because I'm consistently showing up and having fun with the process and expressing myself instead of the attention being on the outcome. The attention's on the present moment, on having fun. So taking people off a pedestal takes the pressure off, stops sending energy to them and wanting something from them. And then you have more energy to focus on yourself. And by yourself, it means expression. It means following your purpose or your passion. It means focus on that opening that allows vulnerability to flow through. I remember one time I was at this— I've shared this once or twice before— I was at this IV spa and there's this guy that's like good friends with Joe Rogan. That's like his, uh, like IV— not his IV, he's like his blood cell person, owns this like really successful company for like basically stem cells and stuff like that. And I remember sitting with him and we were in a group of people, and I remember I had this moment where I wanted to share this idea, this question I had about stem cells. So I thought to myself, stem cells, like you put these things in your body and they come from certain babies. And it was a very interesting idea. And I thought to myself that energetically there's certain— what about the genetics or like the upbringing of certain stem cells versus other stem cells? And what about ancestral energy? So for example, if someone is very stressed or from a very chaotic environment, are stem cells from that the same as stem cells from somebody that maybe had like an upbringing where like things were more in flow? Would people pay extra for that? Like, it was just a, it's just a weird thought I had. I was like, there was a moment where I was like, I didn't wanna share it. And there was like a little bit of that hierarchy thing. But then I realized, you know what, who cares? So I shared that perspective. And what was interesting is where there could have been rejection or someone thinking I'm weird 'cause that freak flag is flying and that weird thought, not weird, but you know, that person I could tell like absorbed it and was like, that's very interesting. Like they never thought of that before. And their whole company is based on stem cells. So it was this thing, this moment where I realized that I could express it and it was like there was almost a certain level of self-respect that is there, but also there was like a new connection. There was like a new way of understanding it. And it's like putting yourself out there, I've learned, is just about you giving yourself permission to be the real you. Some people may like it, some people may not like it. That's not your thing to manage. Your job is to express. And the degree to which you love yourself is the degree to which you actually allow other people to love you because you're being the real you. So opening versus closing. So there's a few other ideas that I think could completely shift your life. First off, you are being you when you express yourself. We'll talk more about that in a minute. You're being you when you set boundaries that are authentic. You are being you when you own yourself. What makes you different? And when you abandon you is when you start walking on eggshells, even out of frame. When you are not you, you might be overgiving. I want to give, and if I give enough, then I'm worthy. Or people pleasing. It's what PP stands for. People pleasing. Who do you— How can I please you? These are things that drain your energy and they put you into a role. And you're not your role. It's important to know this. Some people have patterns, they think they're the patterns, and that pattern completely keeps them blocked. Here's another— here's something that went mega viral on Instagram as well that I posted of the other day, out of a million views. And it was on this one idea that Tony— why does Tony Robbins at his live events, he always says a few things when he's coaching people. Normally he'll say, whose love did you crave more as a kid? Your mom, your dad's, your mother, your father. And then people sit there and they go, Tony, I think my mom's or my dad's. He's like, yes. And he's like, question for you: who did you have to be to be loved by mom and dad? And they'll say, I had to be perfect, or they'll say, I had to be naive, or I had to be this way, or I had to be that way. He goes, yes. And they, oh, they start crying. Why is that so powerful? Why do people pop, pop, pop like popcorn? Why do they pop, pop, pop like popcorn? Because the role of who you had to be growing up might be the way in which you are most not loving yourself. You're in a role. You're not being you. My pattern growing up was around eggshells, pleasing people, because that's who I had to be to get by and survive from 7 to 17 years old. I also had to like fix and help a lot 'cause I'm the eldest sibling. That's a role that would have me feeling drained, not being the real me. So understand that this question right here might completely unlock so much about your life. It might help you become aware of what has been keeping you from choosing you. And remember, the universe, God, like everything begins to choose you the degree to which you choose yourself. And choosing yourself might mean letting go of this role. It's a role, it's a survival strategy. It ain't you. Don't ever say again you're a people pleaser or an over-giver. I was gonna say or an eggshell. You're not eggshell, but you're really not a people pleaser or over-giver. That's a strategy you used as a kid to get by. I shed, you wanna know, here's the initiation. Here's one of the most powerful things I'm gonna share in this video. Maybe we'll do part 2 of this video too because I think this is like a whole thing. Closed to open, going from closed to open is really the key to this process. And the tension is the initiation into the new you. So when I was a people pleaser, I became aware of the role, I became aware it was a strategy. For me to shift out of a people pleaser into being authentic and vulnerable, I had to make a choice not to be this anymore. And the initiation was— the initiation was the tension of expressing myself. It was the tension of setting boundaries. And literally, I set some boundaries with people where there was energy out of alignment. I expressed myself authentically and vulnerably. And what happened is, for the first time, ever in certain relationships there was then respect. And I remember having to sit with that tension of expressing how I felt about something to a certain friend of mine, and it completely transformed our dynamic. And that tension was my initiation that said, "Oh, this is who I really am. This is authentic." I started living according to the values of authenticity and vulnerability instead of validation or approval, which I would abandon myself to get But funny enough, then I started to approve of and validate myself as I started to express. So this video can, I really think, can completely shift your life if you absorb what I'm saying here. There is tension when you start first setting boundaries with someone. There is tension when you first start putting yourself out there. There was tension when I started expressing myself on YouTube, making videos. There was tension when I first expressed to somebody how I felt about them. My relationship would not have happened if I wasn't vulnerable, if I didn't have a conversation and kind of talk about what was coming up for myself, which also was a mutual thing. And that tension became the initiation to the open version of myself. So this is your dynamic of choosing you is really about letting go of the stored energy in your body. That really is the key. And one of the most powerful processes I've ever found for this, by the way, is somatic release breathwork. Which is something I'm certified in, and it will help you to release the energy stored in the body so that you become more emotionally free. It'll allow you to express, and when you express, you release stored energy. I do have a free breathwork ceremony if you wanna go through it. I'll go ahead and link it below. It's a shorter version, 25, 30 minutes, but it's with music, it's a ceremony, you'll see. I'll link it below if you wanna check it out, but it'll show you how to go through this process to shift, to become more expressive and open. Okay? So first off, what we've learned, just to kind of recap before we get to the main part of this that I think will transform your life, it's realizing that your tension is your initiation into a new you. Understanding that you opening is you giving yourself more permission to be the real you, whether people approve of you or not. When you get to a place where you can let people choose you or not, that's when you'll really be free. You have to give them the opportunity to not choose you too, because if not, you're demanding, and you're demanding, you're putting on pressure. When you choose you and you express the real you, you realize it's not your job to get them on board, and that can free you, and now you become more free. So loving yourself really is about acceptance. So remember, this energy of eggshells, overgiving, people pleasing, as you begin to shift and see those patterns, those roles, you can then give yourself permission to express the real you. And when you express the real you, you will find that that is the key to deeper relationships, more connections, the next level growth you want. I thought I had to go do all this other stuff. No, I just had to express myself more. These videos are a symbol or a reflection of me expressing myself more. So understand that taking the pressure off as well, the hierarchy is a huge part of this. And now we'll get to this part of expression that I've been mentioning. You expressing the real you, allowing the energy to flow through, realizing that sharing your truth, sharing your magic, sharing your how you feel, this is the key to the releasing of the stored energy inside of you. Ultimately, you are becoming an empty vessel. You are connected to the divine. You are connected to God and the universe. It wants to flow through you. Did I just hurt my toe? It wants to flow through you, but it can't when you're not allowing yourself or giving yourself permission. So when I get into these videos, for example, yes, I'm focused on how can I express myself, how can I have fun sharing these ideas, how can I add value? But a big part of it is just trusting and allowing the divine to flow through. Not needing to control what people think about it, how people feel. My job is expression. So think about it, there's your job and there's not your job. It is not your job to manage what people think of you. It is not your job to figure it out. In fact, very often this— what happens is when you simplify it and you get into the energy, it's like the magic happens. When I'm running a live event, if I surrender to the divine, I find that I always have the right ideas to share at the right time. When I overanalyze and over-prepare, it actually blocks up the process. For these videos, I write the whiteboard and it kind of just flows through. I trust that the more continuously I do that, the more the divine flows through. Now, love— that's what love is. Love is when you allow that energy to flow through. What you give out tends to come back. One last, one like final thing before we get into the flip, I'll share that also was something that changed my life back in the day was this older lady when I used to work with, her name was Carmela at this job I used to have at Nordstrom's. And she would do this thing probably as a tactic, but it worked like magic. And I ended up like realizing how powerful it is. She would do this thing where at work she would, you know, I sold women's shoes. And what she would do is people that were basically like customers that she would want to pick up and like help them with shoes. She would compliment them. She would say, nice earrings. Oh my God, I love your earrings. Oh my God, I love this blouse. Oh my God, I love this. And part of it may have been authentic, part of it might have been like to get customers. But what was crazy is when she would do that, people that didn't even know her, that didn't even like know or see her like do that to other people, would like come up to her and compliment her. And I was like, wow, like people would compliment her all day long. Like, this is crazy. She's complimenting other people that aren't seeing it, but then other people compliment her. So I remember trying that myself and probably in the day it was like a little bit, it was like, let me see how this works. It was like magic. What you put out really is what you get back. So what I realized that the missing key for me is that whatever I want to receive, if I can give it out, not to get though, this is the thing, it's kind of like a weird Jedi mind trick. You don't do it to get, You do it 'cause it feels good to give. When you are giving, you are in abundance. When you are holding back, you are in scarcity. And if you are holding back the real parts of you, you may be in scarcity because you're afraid of whatever. You're afraid they're gonna reject you, et cetera. And when you're abundantly giving compliments, there's an abundance. It's like you're not in scarcity, you're not in survival. And when you put that energy out, it tends to come back. So when I focus in these videos on putting out that good energy, it's like good comes back. When I focus in my relationship on giving appreciation or love, it comes back. Like, people are reflecting back what you're putting out and what you're giving. And this is one of the biggest keys I think that can shift your life from the inside out. So With that being said, the flip for this video is, first off, it's initiation time, baby. You know, I say it's game time, baby. No, it's initiation time, baby. It is your opportunity to begin stepping into the tension of expressing the real you. Boundaries, expressing yourself, putting yourself out there. That's your initiation. That initiation will allow you to love you and choose you. And when you love and choose you, guess what? Eyeballs. The universe is looking out for you. It's always there for you. You just might not believe it if you're not expressing yourself. Secondly, give yourself more permission. You give yourself permission around the weirdos or whatever that you don't care what they think, but you don't give yourself permission around the people that you project stuff onto. Give yourself permission to be you regardless. It's not your job to manage. Focus on permission. The more you can give yourself permission to be the real you, the more you will respect you. You. And when you respect you, you don't care whether they like you or not. You don't care whether they resonate with you or not as much. I say altogether, but maybe you still care a little bit. And then thirdly, when you give, you will then allow yourself to receive, okay? And that receiving is where really then comes in this loving understanding that we are all connected, we're all one consciousness, and what we put out is what we get back. So if you want to go deeper, by the way, on the second thing I was talking about, about the pedestal effect, I have a video that is really resonating with people on the pedestal effect. I'm gonna go ahead and link that video right here. Watch this video next. Do the breathwork if you haven't already, and I'll see you in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.