how to protect your energy and NEVER take on peoples energy again
In this live‑style self‑help session Aaron Doughty guides viewers through a series of interconnected practices aimed at protecting personal energy and breaking free from limiting patterns. He begins by urging listeners to tune into bodily sensations when making choices, noting that the body signals whether an interaction is energizing or draining. He then explains that staying in familiar, negative dynamics—such as with toxic family members—often serves a hidden payoff (e.g., feeling needed, maintaining a self‑image). Recognizing this payoff enables a conscious decision to set boundaries and stop re‑engaging with the energy. Doughty shifts to the topic of procrastination, reframing it as an identity‑based pattern rather than a symptom, and suggests an identity shift (from “procrastinator” to “empowered doer”) as the true lever for change. He introduces Byron Katie’s “The Work” (four questions) as a tool to dismantle limiting beliefs, illustrating its use on beliefs about energy, worthiness, and self‑value. A substantial portion of the talk critiques the cultural obsession with proving worthiness, proposing instead that worthiness is a neutral, ever‑present state—simultaneously “worthy and not worthy”—and that releasing the need to prove it reduces grandiosity and comparison. Throughout, Doughty answers live audience questions about detaching from toxic family energy, preferred live‑format styles, YouTube ad strategy, and how to let go of worthiness concepts. He concludes by recommending a specific guided meditation (“Aaron Doughty 100% worthy, whole and complete”) for listeners to embody the discussed shifts, and signs off with gratitude and a namaste.
Chapters
Anytime you are making a choice and you say to yourself, is this the right choice to make? What you wanna do is you wanna feel inside of your body. Feel inside your body. When you're thinking of certain things, when you're thinking of certain people, you will feel like it either gives you energy or you will feel like it's depleting you of energy. And what you wanna do is you wanna become aware of how you feel in your body. Now, the reason this is, by the way, is it's kinda like your body knows. Your body knows. Your mind tries to figure things out. And a lot of times your mind will try to keep you in familiar territory over and over again. So think about it. If you're talking or you're thinking of someone, you know, like I use this example in the story that I made, but you know when people say, "Oh, that person's nice." Anytime someone's voice inflection goes up like this, the answer is no. The answer is there's a misalignment with that energy. You're saying something that's not actually true. There's something subconsciously there That's blocked, right? If you have questions, go and put questions in. Normally I come on these lives and I have like way more, um, I have like a hook of like what I'm going to say right when I get in, and then, and then it's like it pieces together so the replay can like, you know, people watch the replay, but then it creates like a cringe energy where I'm trying to get I'm trying to get, you know, it's attachment to outcome of like wanting the thing to get viewed longer instead of me just being here now. Are you going on a tour in Europe? Eventually I will, for sure. I want to. I'm in Miami right now, and I know that going to Europe's a lot easier because I'm over here, so Something I might do. Let's see. Okay. Let's see. Let's get a couple of good questions in here. How do I detach from negative energy I have accumulated from toxic family members that I wanted to disassociate myself with that I still feel? So you want to detach from negative energy. Detaching from negative energy is something that you do once you make the choice to stop engaging with it. Now the challenge is that there may actually be a form of payoff from engaging with that negative energy. The payoff might be that you get to stay in familiar territory over and over again. The payoff may be that you get to be a good son or daughter to the people in your family. That's your, your, your like perception of what that is. But what ends up happening is there is a payoff for staying in the negative energy. The payoff may just be that you get to stay in your idea of yourself. You get to stay pleasing your family members that you say are toxic. So what parts of yourself get something from that? Now that may mean that you have to set boundaries, but right now there's more pain that's associated with setting boundaries than there is with associated with being in that toxic dynamic. You see the difference there? So you gotta become aware of what that payoff is and then make a new choice. Really, it's about making a new choice. But it's interesting, I think sometimes the block is actually more so there's a block to a certain thing that you have to do in order to become free, and the block is around doing that thing. So then you stay in the negative familiar territory. You have to have the courage to step out of it. You live in Sedona? Nope, right now I'm in Miami. Let's see. Let's see. Oh, question for you. So when I'm doing live event, even just like these lives in general, but like live events, like you've probably seen on Instagram, you've seen the live event footage. When it comes to live events, do you enjoy more the hot seat coaching where I bring people up to the front, I'm doing hot seat coaching and like bringing them through a process that then reflects something back to the crowd. That's one thing. Or the teachings and the lessons where it's more focused on a certain teaching theme or lesson, or guided meditations, or just general Q&A where it's not just so much coaching one person, but it's Q&A. Which of those do you prefer the most outta curiosity? "There's too many commercials in YouTube." That's all automatically done. I don't go in there and put commercials in. It's just, it's a feature on the channel to have. The thing with YouTube is that if I take ads, for the first 100,000 subscribers I had, I did not have ads on my channel at all, thinking, you know, that that was like, I was gonna be able to grow my channel more. It actually, in order to grow the YouTube channel, unfortunately, videos, get more reach when the ads are on. So for the first 100,000 subs I had, there were no ads. And then when I turn on the ads, it's actually like that they push the videos more. It's a weird thing. They won't tell you that that's true, by the way. They'll say, they'll say that that's not true. It is. I know many YouTubers, and it is true. When videos are monetized, they get— they reach more people. Why would YouTube promote videos if they're not like making money? The way they view it is they want to make money. You know? Okay, so I see lots of meditation, teachings, and lessons. Yeah, what I realized is I wanna just kinda go with the flow. Yeah, a little bit of all of it. Okay, that's kinda what I figured the answer was. Awesome, well, thank you for that. Nice. I've not been to Bali yet. I do want to go one day. Nice. Also, for like $10 a month, you pay for YouTube Premium and you get zero ads at all. That's what I do. I tell you to do that, there'll be less ads, but you know, you'd be watching less ads. But that's what I would do, if I'm being honest. Let's see. Okay, there's Q&A. So good question. So the awareness that we are not the procrastinator should make us tap into another reality. How to stop the procrastination. So a big part of this is when it comes to if you feel like a procrastinator, understand you put off doing things until later, which always keeps you in the familiar territory of not being there, not arriving, and putting off that which maybe you know would actually motivate you in the right direction. Now I want to point yourself— I want to point something out to you. You never procrastinate at procrastinating. Think about that. You're not procrastinating when it comes to procrastination, so you're not really a procrastinator because when you procrastinate, you are not procrastinating with that. You're immediately doing it. Now the reason I say this is because maybe, just maybe, there's a new way of looking at the way you view yourself. It's an identity shift. And some of the biggest transformations you'll have in your life is when you realize you can shift your identity around it. Maybe you subconsciously see yourself as a procrastinator. Maybe you see yourself as somebody that's working a 9-to-5 job you don't like, so you're procrastinating on living your dream. Well, guess what? There's an attachment to an old identity, and that old identity wants to stay in familiar territory. Does this make sense? That old identity wants to think, feel, and act equal to the current reality it has. So basically, the reality that you're in right now is in complete, complete alignment with who you are being. So when people say, I'm out of alignment, I wanna get back in alignment, you are already in alignment with something. It's just the question is, what is that something? Are you in alignment with a 9-to-5 job you don't like? Are you in alignment with the reality where you are interacting with people that drain your energy? That's the story. Are you in alignment with an unfulfilled relationship or in alignment with the reality where you're single and you don't wanna be? Maybe there's some attachment to an identity here that you're just subconsciously not aware of. Maybe it's safer to work a 9-to-5 job that you don't like than it is to put yourself out there and to be judged by many people. Maybe it's safer to play it small than it is to whatever, whatever your goal is. So understand there's a familiar payoff here. So when it comes to the procrastinator, understand that there's an identity shift that you can have. And the paradox of this, of course, is that procrastinators never procrastinate at procrastinating, which means they're not procrastinators. They just have things they choose to do immediately. And one of the things they choose to do immediately is procrastinate because it keeps them in familiar territory. You see, a lot of times in personal development, what people do is they try to change the symptom, not the cause. How do I not procrastinate? How do I not do this thing when deeper down, I see myself as a 9-to-5 job goer or of this type of person. There's a deeper identity level thing there that's keeping them trapped. So if you wanna break the pattern, part of it is becoming aware that it's a pattern. You may have patterns, but you are not your patterns. Does this make sense? You might have the pattern of procrastinating, perfectionism, You might have the pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable people. You might have the pattern of not choosing yourself or having a hard time setting boundaries or saying yes or saying no when you, saying yes when you really mean no. Well, guess what? Those are patterns. They're not who you are. This is the shift right here. This is a huge identity shift that happens. The pattern, if you believe you are your pattern, then yes, you'll stay stuck. You'll just feel blocked and you'll not know what you could do to actually break the pattern. But just like you think thoughts and you're not your thoughts, you feel emotions, you're not your emotions, you can take action, but you're not just your actions, you're not your patterns. So if you think about this in the form of transformation for, from, for example, that of like Byron Katie's The Work, for example, there are 4 simple statements. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it's true? How do I think or feel when I believe that? And who would I be without it? Now the thing is, is this frees you from the pattern and the identity with the pattern. A big powerful thing happens at step 3, because at step 3, what happens is you say, who and how do I respond when I believe that thought? So when you believe you're a procrastinator or you believe that you're a 9-to-5 job goer or whatever it is, how do you think and feel? Well, I think, feel, and act equal to that reality. It's on autopilot. So it's very clear. but what happens is you then recognize that and you can see how you respond. You can see that there's some familiar pattern there and you can recognize that that's a pattern. Like the part of the third step thing that's the powerful thing is that you realize that's how you respond when you think or believe that thought, but that's not who you are. You separate, you're able to separate yourself from that. And then who would you be without it? Who would you be without the belief that you're a procrastinator? Who would you be without the pattern of being a procrastinator? Who would you be? I would just, I would just have the empowerment to go do something. I would see myself as this empowering person. I would, you know, have all these things come up. Who would you be without it? You can apply that towards any negative pattern you have in your life. You can apply that towards how do I think or feel when I believe that that is my pattern and that that's who I am? And who would I be without it? And what you'll find is that who you are without it is very powerful, very free. But sometimes we're afraid of that freedom. 'Cause it's the unknown. So what are your common beliefs that you have? What are common beliefs that you have right now that you want broken down? I'm gonna show you the opposite. I'm gonna debate you on your limiting beliefs and show you why it's not true. What's your most common limiting beliefs that are holding you back, huh? What is it? What is your— what is your limiting belief? I have the belief that I can't do stuff. Because I lack energy. Well, what you wanna do is you wanna become aware. You have the belief. The first thing I wanna acknowledge you, 'cause you say you have the belief. It's a belief, it's not built in reality. Can you remember a time in your life when you did have a lot of energy? And that when you did just immediately do stuff? Yeah. And maybe what is the familiarized emotion there That somehow is serving you. Having the belief that you can't do stuff because you lack energy is serving you to keep you in familiar territory, to keep you in limitation. Once you see that it's a belief that's serving you, you can then say, do I wanna, who would you be without that belief? I mean, you could actually run any of these through that simple, the Byron Katie process. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it's true? How do I think or feel when I believe that? And who would I be without it? And the most common one is, I'm not good enough. But what is good enough? How would you know you're good enough? Like, how would you know that something you do or some way you are is good enough? It's funny, when we think of worthiness, it's like we're all inherently worthy. We're all inherently worthy, whole, and complete. But what happens is at a certain point in our past when we were growing up, we decided, who do I have to be to be good enough? Who do I have to be? What do I need to do? And there's this skit that comes from this corny show that you're either gonna love it or you're gonna hate it. It's called "I Think You Should Leave." It's on Netflix. It's this really corny comedy show, but there's this really cool little skit that kind of explains the ridiculousness of this. And in it, there's this baby pageant contest. For who has the best baby. And what happens is you have this one baby over here, little cute Gerber looking baby. Then you have this little cute baby over here. And then you have this baby with like a bandana on. It's like the badass baby. And it's like, there's this show going on. It's like, look at this baby over here, this amazing baby that's got all these really good like health markers and all of this thing. And the crowd is like, yes, Yes. And then look at this baby. This baby looks incredible, blah, blah, blah. It's a little baby and it's just this little cute baby and a little fucking, and a little thing, right? And then this, this is Harley. This is the badass baby. And then all the people in the crowd are like, boo, F you Harley. It's like ridiculous, right? And it just shows the craziness of this idea because of course we all know which baby is the most worthy out of these three. Is it Harley? Is it the Gerber-looking baby or the little cute Oriental baby in the middle? Which is the cute, which is the best baby? Of course, it's ridiculous to even say that, right? But what happens is growing up, we then decide at a certain point, I'm going to compare myself. Like all the babies are inherently worthy for just being themselves. Like what does this baby need to do to be worthy? Does it need to go to a talent show? Does it need to have do this, do that? No, it's just inherently worthy just because it exists. Same with the baby over here, same with the baby over here. Babies inherently are worthy because they exist. But what happens is at a certain point in our past, if we didn't feel safe, seen, or heard, or nurtured, we may have decided, whoop, who do I have to be to feel love, who do I have to be to get mom and dad's approval? How do I have to be? What do I need to do? What do I need to say? Maybe more quiet, maybe I dim my light a little bit. And then we have these conditional beliefs 'cause if love was conditional growing up, of course, if love is not unconditional, just like the unconditional support and the unconditional worthiness of each baby, what happens is we then say there's conditions to love, there's conditions to being enough. And then we stay trapped in a loop of trying to prove sense of self-worth. Silly, right? So one of the biggest epiphanies around feeling worthy, whole, and complete is realizing that it is— in my belief, the way that I think about it is a little bit more controversial in the sense that that I believe we are both worthy and not worthy at the same time. Worthy is a concept. Just like you would put headphones on these little babies, right? These little babies that are the baby contest, right? Which is the best baby? Baby number 1, baby number 2, baby number 3. Well, we want these babies to grow up feeling enough. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna go put headphones on the babies that say affirmations of, I am enough, I am enough, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough. Well, guess what? Eventually it's gonna grow up and feel enough. Enough is a concept. It's just a concept. Babies just are. We just are. Now, if you play the game, so really the question, the way to become more worthy, whole, and complete is to stop trying to prove you are worthy, whole, and complete. Stop believing in the game of worthy, whole, and complete. It's just a game. It's something you're trying to prove, so you then impose into reality being worthy and then being not worthy, which is a concept. So really, I find power in just the neutral component because here's the other thing that you also avoid, because what do some people do when they don't feel worthy? They create grandiosity. They want to be better than other people. They want to be more beautiful. They want to be more charismatic. They want to be more this. They want to be more successful as compensation because there's— they want to avoid feeling not worthy. You see? So what I'm saying is you become more neutral. You don't have to play that game. You then don't try to have to be better than anybody because in the same way that you are not worthy and worthy at the same time, everybody else is both not worthy and worthy at the same time. So no one is better than anybody. Everyone just is. And this is when you get more into the present moment. Doesn't it feel a little bit lighter knowing you don't have to prove your sense of self-worth to anybody? But at the same time, you don't have to put the pressure on yourself to feel worthy. Because if you sat it like, what does the feeling of worthiness feel like? Think about this. If you believe that you need to feel worthy, what does it mean to even feel worthy? Worthy is a concept. I just felt worthy today. I just feel safe. These are concepts that we attribute to emotions. Really, what do you want? You probably, maybe you wanna feel peace. Maybe you wanna feel that acceptance. See the difference there? So if you put pressure on yourself, okay, I feel not worthy, now I wanna feel worthy. So to feel worthy, what I'm gonna do in order to feel worthy is I'm gonna say a lot of affirmations, I'm gonna reprogram my mind to do all these things, then I'm gonna feel, ah, I am worthy. But understand this, That's a concept. And understand that if you just stop playing the game of trying to prove worthiness and trying not to feel not worthy, which is shame, shame is I'm broken, there's something wrong with me, you then also don't have to have this grandiose energy of trying to be better than everybody else. And then you just realize I am worthy and not worthy at the same time. I just am. And so is everybody else. Ah, I could just kind of be in peace. Not playing that game any longer. Does this make sense? So, so what if instead of worthy, not worthy, because that's the, this is the biggest limiting belief I see people have and they're like, okay, the core, these different core beliefs that people have that limit them, it's always, I don't feel worthy, I don't feel worthy, I don't feel worthy. Well, guess what? I believe that rather than trying to be worthy, trying to feel worthy, just let go in general of the game and trying to prove yourself and accept that you are both worthy and not worthy at the same time. It's a concept. And so is everybody else. They just are. They aren't worthy and are worthy at the same time. Just like a baby is worthy for just being itself. There's nothing the baby needs to do. There's nothing the baby needs to say in order for the baby to be worthy. It just is. And you can put affirmations in the baby's mind that says, "I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy." It's a concept that if the baby even buys into growing up instead of just being itself, then it'll, I need to reprogram myself. I need to think thoughts. I'm worthy, I'm worthy, I'm worthy. You are worthy because you exist, because God, creation, the universe, whatever name you want to give it, does not make mistakes. Just like the grass and the trees and the bees and the birds and all of these things have a purpose, they just exist, they just are, but so do you. Just have a purpose for existing, to express your life. I don't mean you're worthy once you find your overarching purpose that you live your whole entire life. I mean, creation doesn't, God doesn't make mistakes and it didn't make a mistake by creating you. But sometimes you could say, well, okay, I agree that everything has a purpose and everything isn't a mistake except for me, except for me. It's a way of feeling significant and special. I'm the one exception. The one exception to the rule is also there's a tie to a certain level of like victim consciousness. But realize you are worthy and you're not worthy at the same time. This is a concept. So instead of playing in that concept, what you could do is let go of playing the game. The relief that comes from knowing you don't have to reprogram yourself to say, oh, I am worthy. I am enough. I just feel so good. Maybe you just want peace. Yeah, exactly. So people say, I am worthy once I'm in the right relationship. I am worthy once I have a certain amount of money. I am worthy once I have this, once I have that. You're just getting attached to concepts. So what? Then it's like you're in the relationship, now I'm worthy. And is it true you're just gonna feel worthy the rest of your life? No, you'll find something else to not feel worthy. Now I'll be worthy once the person does this for me, and now I'll be worthy. It's just a never-ending familiarized emotion of feeling not good enough or feeling not worthy. So then there's just so many projections out into the external reality and rules to then meet the inner needs to feel worthy. But remember, worthiness is not a feeling. It's a concept. So instead of just, I'm worthy, and trying to pile all this stuff on, just let it go. You say, how do you let it go? How do you, Aaron, you've, okay, I get it, I get it, but how do I let go? How do I do it, Aaron? How do you let go? What do you think? It's really just a choice you make. Do I wanna keep trying to prove that I'm worthy and I'm enough? When you start seeing yourself in a way where you realize you're perfect the way that you are, you don't have to compare yourself. One of the ways you do this is you start to self-inquire and ask yourself, why do you want the thing that you want? Because a lot of people, if you don't feel worthy, You want all of these things because you wanna feel worthy. You'll prove it to yourself that I am enough. But then once you do those things on the outside, then I can change how I feel on the inside. But honestly, it's not that you want to feel worthy, you want peace, you want acceptance because worthiness is not an emotion. It's not even a feeling. Like, safe— when people say, I feel safe, safe is a concept. Now, I understand the idea. It's like, okay, you feel safe, then you could just relax. But really what you probably want is more ease, more peace, more feeling in your body. And it's good to get clear with some of this stuff because then you allow yourself to become more free. So anyways, there is— what is it? I do have a meditation on YouTube that is very good for this, for feeling. There's literally a meditation on YouTube on feeling 100% worthy, whole, and complete. You type in like Aaron Doughty 100% worthy, whole and complete meditation. There's one there and it's an old school meditation for feeling and allowing yourself to bring up the unfelt emotion from the past. Could be very powerful. Other than that, I think that's it. I'm really hungry. I'm gonna go eat. It's already 2 o'clock where I'm at right now. Other than that, I wanna thank you guys for being here. And as always, peace, much love, and namaste. I'm gonna be sharing with you the most powerful meditation that you can do for feeling 100% whole Complete and worthy.
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