How To STOP OBSESSING Over Someone & Start LETTING GO...

Pull back your energy because if you are obsessing over someone, then you are sending them a lot of energy that they can feel. And when they feel that energy, it is something that to them feels like a taking energy. It feels like it's something that you want from them. Maybe subconsciously it's like they feel that maybe you want their attention or their approval or the validation, and it literally repels them away from you and is blocking you from getting what you want. And the more anybody's obsessive about anything, the more they draw it away from themselves because obsession breeds a feeling of lack, a feeling of not being whole. And what happens is when someone stays in that obsessive energy, they stay feeling lack, they stay blocking that which they want from coming into their lives, and they end up feeling a lot of resistance, and that makes them not so attractive. Attraction follows embodiment of energy and the embodiment of like you being the real you. And in this episode, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna show you how to stop obsessing over someone and how to finally let them go. And I promise you that you'll notice this. When you let go, the energy's gonna change. When you let go, there will be more of an attraction towards you. When you let go, because you won't be feeling needy, because you won't be feeling that energy inside of you, everything will change. Promise you. Now, first off, let's look at what does it mean and how would you know that you are obsessed with someone? The first sign that you are obsessed with someone is that you're constantly thinking about them. You're probably thinking about them right now. And that's why you clicked on this video. And it could be also, have you ever texted someone or called them and then you just constantly check your phone and you're like, are they texting me back? Where are they? Why aren't they responding to me? Wondering if like your Wi-Fi's not connected or something like that? That's another sign that maybe there's an obsession there. Maybe you have felt, I've done this before, where I'm in a relationship with someone and I really wanna protect their energy. I wanna protect them, I wanna fix them. And because I have that energy, there's this belief that I had. I realized that when I did this, by the way, I had this belief that there was something wrong with the person, but not only did I believe there's something wrong with them, I felt like if I would help them in a certain way, then I would make myself indispensable. So really what that was was me trying to fix someone because if I fixed them, then they would never leave. So it was an abandonment thing. But obsession is something that is a side effect of the energy that we do not feel worthy or enough. And what we do is we put someone on a pedestal and we think, if I can make this person happy, if I can fix them, if they'll just come into my life and be the way that I want, then I'll finally be enough. The challenge with this is what that breeds is manipulation energy, manipulative energy, manipulational energy. Like I just manipulated my voice right there. It's like we're trying to manipulate somebody else. And guess what happens when we try to manipulate other people? People are rebels. They feel that you want them to change. They feel that you want them to be differently. And just like a teenager, that you try to tell them to go do something, they wanna rebel. They wanna do the exact opposite. And that's how energy dynamics work when we're trying to control, because control is a very resistant energy and people will naturally fight for their own freedom. And that's what happens when you let go. They're gonna feel you let go energetically, and then they're gonna wonder what the hell happened. And then they're gonna start thinking about you. And that's why they say one of the best things you can do if you're obsessing over someone is if you let go of thinking about them, it's like you create the space and the freedom for them then to think about you. But this is one of the challenges with me even making this video, if I'm being completely honest. 'Cause I make this video right now and you might listen to it and you're like, okay, I'm gonna do what Aaron says. I'm gonna stop obsessing over this person and I'm gonna let them go. And when I let them go, then they're gonna come back. And then when they come back, see, every time I clamp on this, okay, the camera's about to fall. Every time when I let go or whatever, what's gonna happen is then they're gonna come back. But you see, this is the challenge. When we let go with an outcome of still being attached to the outcome and wanting something out of it, that's still being attached to that manipulation energy. And that manipulation energy, is still resistant. So one of the things that would have to be done is you have to let go because you choose to let go. You have to let go because also maybe a part of you realizes that there's some toxic energy that you might kind of like. What? This is looking kind of weird now, isn't it? Is there a chance that maybe somebody not choosing you, you kind of get off to it. It kind of feels familiar. This feels normal. It feels kind of normal. If somebody's not choosing you, there's a part of it where you're like, ah, this doesn't feel good. I wanna gain their approval or validation. When they give it to you, it's like, ah, I could relax a little bit. But then what happens is they don't give it to you again. You're like, I need it, I need it, I need it. The weird twisted thing is until you say no to something that is toxic or maybe that's like reaffirming that you're not worthy, you can't actually say yes to something that would actually be beneficial for you or reflect back a new level of your own paradigm. So the thing to become aware of when this obsessing over someone and start letting go thing is, is that when you're obsessing over someone or you're having trouble letting go, one of the reasons you're attached is because there's a level of toxicity you may be attached to. There's these reasons you have to why you can't let go. And that's what makes it challenging. But what if you started looking at this from a new point of view? What if you started to reframe the meaning you give to certain people? Now here's the crazy thing about this whole relationship dynamic thing. Everything in life is fundamentally neutral except for the meaning we give it. By someone obsessing over someone and having trouble letting go, what that means is they are attached to a meaning that they have given to someone. And that meaning could be very deep. The meaning could be this person is another aspect of me. The meaning could be that this person is my road to happiness. I'm meant to be with this person. And the heavier the meaning, the more challenging it is to let go. And one of the things we must do is we must become aware of the meaning we're giving to someone else because that meaning is what's making it challenging. I know that like, you know, if I shared this, an example recently, but if you had a dog or you had something that passed away, the reason that's so damn challenging is because the memories and the meaning through the memories that you've created with that dog, when the dog passes away, you've identified with that dog. And that literally is like you're losing a part of yourself. And that's what makes it so challenging. You feel like you're letting go of the memories, you're letting go of the old meaning. But if I told you that there's this dog that's in Costa Rica right now that just got hit, you might be a little bit sad, but not as sad because you don't have as much meaning, as much memories with that dog. I remember I was in Costa Rica and we were driving through the city and there was just these dogs fricking everywhere. And I almost ran one over. I didn't. I got real lucky. This dog just ran from a bridge and it was, I slammed on my brakes and it went under the car just perfectly. And got away. And it was like, I was in shock when that happened. I was like so worried I hit the dog. I'd have felt so bad. But also the awareness of the meaning you give. So just in general, I would've been sad, but not as sad as I would've hit my own dog. If I'd be completely honest here, I actually don't have a dog, but I grew up with dogs. You know what I mean? The meaning we give and, is what makes it challenging. But the thing you must do is you must reframe who the person is. You must reframe them in your mind. And part of that reframing is becoming aware that maybe, just maybe, there's some toxic parts of this that feel familiar. And when you start becoming aware of this and you start reframing it, it makes it so much easier to let go. But the thing that I'm gonna encourage you to look at with this is the energy dynamic at play anytime you may obsess with someone. Now, here's one of the things that happens when you obsess over someone. You become the cameo in their movie. What's your favorite movie? I like the movie Inception. So Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie Inception is the star. Who's a cameo? His dad's a cameo, Michael Crane. He's also like the butler in Batman. All right? Now the key is for you to become, or what's a love movie where like someone's really needy or something like that? I don't know. Imagine you're in Lord of the Rings. All right? And imagine you could either be the Frodo, Toto guy. I'm a Harry Potter fan, so I'm sorry for all you Lord of the Rings fans out there that's like, oh, he's disrespecting the franchise. Whatever you do. But imagine you could either be Frodo, Toto guy, or you could be Gollum, the guy that's like, "My precious, I need, I need, I need." All right? Now, which energy is more attractive? And maybe even like, I mean, he's on the hero's journey, you know? Is there a badass in the movie, Lord of the Rings? Probably Merlin, he's a badass. But anyways, just in general, The idea of this is in everyone in their lives, you're either the star of your own movie or you're the cameo in other people's movie. To be the star of your own movie means to be grounded and embodied in how and who you prefer to be. That's it. You just decide who you are. And as you embody that version of you, you will be more attractive. Now here's the crazy thing. One statement right here could change your life. It really can. One of the reasons I was putting people on a pedestal, either friends or girlfriends or whatever, was because I was so used to abandoning myself to make others happy. That's how I created safety and freedom in my life. The challenge is that because I'm trying to fix everybody else, because I'm trying to make everyone else happy, and I'm trying to like, it was a form of manipulation. That I wasn't aware of. I was trying to manipulate my environment, manipulate people into trying to like me too, instead of me just being the most authentic version of me. The thing that I had to become aware of though is that one of the reasons I was doing that is because I had this core belief, this core wound of abandonment where I was afraid people would leave me and it would show that I'm not good enough, that I'm not worthy. And I can see clearly now that I look in my past and you know my story probably if you've been watching my videos, but the whole ex-stepmom thing from 7 to 15 years old of having someone control my life. Here's the crazy thing too. I realized that my ex-stepmom was extremely controlling. My dad was the extreme nice guy that kind of let her do everything. She was always at work and stuff. But what happened is she was controlling. My brother and I weren't allowed to have friends, weren't allowed to, like, we just normally were locked outside doing yard work, had to like kind of earn our food and shit. No wonder I love food so much now. But from those experiences, it wired in a belief that said I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough to earn your food. I had to earn going to school. That was my escape. So how would you feel if like you were always told you were a piece of shit? And many of you have been through this. I'm not being pity party here. Some of the times I make videos on YouTube and I talk about the story a lot because I made 2,000 videos and people are like, you're not over it 'cause you keep talking about it. It's just how you relate. You share stories and you relate with people. And I just, I really want you to relate with me. But the thing and the reason I'm sharing this is because what I've realized I've done is I abandoned myself to make other people happy because I'm used to the frame of trying to make other people happy because I had to make my ex stepmom happy for 7 years. But what I had to become aware of is that I was abandoning myself. And the thing that I got angry with is I realized that the nice guy version of me that I had to overcome, I had to stop abandoning myself and I had to become the star of my own movie. And once I shifted out of the cameo role into the main star, and this doesn't mean main star meaning narcissist or anything. You don't have to be a narcissist. Frodo Toto guy's not narcissist. He's still nice. Nice. Nice is inauthentic, by the way. Nice is manipulation. Being kind is real. If you're being kind, it's because it's who you prefer to be. If you're being nice, it's because you're hoping they'll give you validation in exchange. It's manipulative. The difference is, are you attached to the outcome? Because if you're obsessing over someone, you're attached to the outcome. You wanna end up in the fairytale. You wanna be in the Disney movie. You want them to be at the end of the road with you. And the reason it's hard to let that go is because of the reasons and the story that you've attached yourself to as to why this person is a part of your life and a part of your happiness. So one of the first things you wanna do for this whole entire process of transformation to stop obsessing over someone is realize and get honest with yourself. First off, become aware that you're obsessed and to realize that this obsession is a survival mechanism that you've used probably since childhood to get other people to like you or to get your needs met. But one of the things I wanna encourage you to look at is I want you to acknowledge that maybe this is toxic because sometimes people will fight for familiar patterns of when they were kids. I can see that maybe I didn't feel chosen when I was a kid. So look at me, can I get chosen? Can I fix people? Can I help? Because if so, then I can get my needs met. But what I had to do for me to transform out of this old paradigm and into a completely new paradigm is I had to wake up. I had to wake up and I had to realize that this pattern is very toxic. I've had relationships before where I put them on a pedestal. I want their love and support. I get it for a little bit and then I don't. And then I try changing my own center of gravity so that I can make them happy. And I've done that for years. I did that in a relationship for like 2, 3 years. And it was definitely the most like challenging process I ever went through. It was like stop obsessing and letting go. And one of the reasons it was so challenging is just because there was so much deep meaning and attachment that was placed on it that I had to look at. And the more I looked at it, especially because like, you know, there's deeper levels to this where there was like looking at like the spiritual dynamic of it and feeling the connection there, but then also like putting this really heavy story and heavy meaning, like we're an aspect of each other. You know, I think that's the challenge that a lot of people come up with with soulmates and twin flames because that's a meaning that we give. When we try to like force some type of relationship to be permanent, that can create pain. That's what happened with me. It created pain because I was trying to force something to work because I thought that this was like my one shot. And then the meaning that I gave to this person, to this relationship was so heavy that it was so challenging to let go of. And no matter what I did, I read books, I would like, read articles. It'd be like a temporary pacifier for me until I became just aware and I acknowledged that there was this one moment when I was actually— I was drinking, I was drinking huachuma with my friend Victor, which is San Pedro. It's just like plant medicine that kind of gets you in a certain state. And him and I went outside and we were both talking. This is something you take during the day and it lasts for like 12 hours, but It's like you get really in your heart and your emotions. And what I did is we went out and we were talking on my balcony in Sedona when I was living in Sedona. And we were having this conversation and it was interesting. We were both talking about what we were working through with like in our lives. And I remember he was sharing about, he was going through like these blocks because he like felt so guilty about being on YouTube. And he felt like he was doing it for, he's blocked himself for so long from making content and stuff because he felt like he was making content for the wrong reasons. And he was afraid that if he made content, then like something bad was gonna happen to his family. You know, these subconscious beliefs sometimes that hold us back. And it was very clear to me to see that like he was always afraid of becoming a rockstar. That was his fear. He loved rockstars growing up. He liked, his favorite band was Tool. And he was afraid to become a rockstar. The thing was with him is it was so clear to me that that was just like his, his belief that he wasn't gonna like abandon his family if he made YouTube videos. And he was like holding himself back from his true potential. And all he had to do was like claim it and like realize that that stemmed from like childhood, his childhood way of trying to keep things safe. You know, 'cause he like was blown up by a firework when he was like young. And there was so much guilt and shame from his family or some guilt from his family that like he didn't want something to pop off if he was, you know, it was just, that's what we tied it back to. But anyways, for my stuff, it was very obvious to me that the challenge that I was having with the past relationship was that it was a very similar dynamic that I felt. I thought it was about this person when deeper, even deeper than that, I realized that it was about a deeper relationship. And it was the relationship at birth and from the first couple years of my life. And feeling abandoned and that abandonment of, and the thing was that I was there physically there, but I felt emotionally like my needs weren't met. I even think it went down to, there was another time when I was looking into this where I could see that my brother was born when I was 2 or 3 years old. When I was 2 or 3, 2 and a half, my brother was born. All the attention went to him because he had asthma. Who was also the newborn, and he needed so much energy and attention that like all the energy switched. And I think that in that time, the meaning I may have given to it is like, I'm alone, I'm not being chosen. And I've always had this thing too growing up where I was afraid to shine. Like I was afraid, especially with my brother, like at any party or anything, I wouldn't wanna shine too much 'cause I didn't want the attention being away from him. Even after I became successful on YouTube, something interesting happened. Happened. I became successful on YouTube and I moved into a house that was by the airport. So a lot of my old videos were in this house. And when I was in this house, my brother came over from, he was in town and I was so afraid of my brother believing that I actually lived in this house by myself. It was like a 3 or 4 bedroom house. It was nice, gated neighborhood, pool in the backyard, modern furniture. And I remember coming to the house and I like wanted to put on a front that I had roommates because I didn't want him knowing that I did this by myself because I didn't want him to feel small. What an interesting perspective, like what an interesting thing to do. But like, I'm like, why did I look back now? I'm like, why the fuck did I do this? And then a year or two later after that, it became even like, there was even more of that. And then I moved into this house in Vegas that was like huge. I lived like 5 houses down from Mike Tyson. It was in this huge, there was no way of hiding. That that was my only out, you know, that there was, the success was there. And it was just like, there was a guilt I felt like I didn't wanna shine. I didn't want the attention going away from me. But it's weird how these little childhood things are the reasons for our current challenges until we become aware of 'em. So one thing I had to do is I had to become aware that I was abandoning myself and that, so I became aware that the relationship dynamic that I was trying to fix was a similar relationship dynamic to when I was a kid, when I was a baby. And because it felt familiar, that's why I was so attached to it. I wasn't really trying to heal this. I was trying to heal back in the timeline, the initial relationship with mom. And that was a huge epiphany for me. And when I realized that, everything began to change because I realized that I was worthy for just being me. I wasn't worthy if I did this, this, this, and this. I was worthy simply for being me. And I realized that my biggest blocks in love, dynamic, relationship, everything was that I just didn't believe I was worthy. And there were different, there was also, it was me realizing another huge part of this obsession thing is realizing that there's a loss of self. And because there's a loss of self when it comes to this, because we've abandoned ourselves to make other people happy, We've lost our own values and we're not focused on our own values. And because of that, what ends up happening is we end up becoming someone else to try to manipulate someone else into loving us because we don't feel like we could be loved for just being us. And the key to this whole game is to drop the BS game, drop the manipulation, and to just be yourself. And to be yourself, one thing you need to do is you need to start drawing the energy back. Pull the energy back and put it inside your body and start asking yourself these new questions like, who am I? What am I really passionate about? And then when you're going out with somebody, instead of thinking like, what will I say to make them like me? What will I say that's funny? You start thinking like, what is funny to me? Doesn't mean becoming a narcissist once again, but it means you start asking different questions and you start more so enjoying like the process of that of having, of enjoying. I mean, it really is about loosening the shit up and not being so attached to outcome because you will be more witty when you're in the moment. You will have more fun when you're in the moment. And the key to the whole entire game is how much of you can you give yourself permission to be? Because the more you give yourself permission to be the you you came here to be, the more attractive you will be. And the easier it will be to let go because you'll realize that the letting go, the only reason it's been hard is because you thought that the letting go was a letting go of another aspect of yourself. You're letting go of another, of something you've given a lot of meaning to, something that you've identified with. So the key to the whole game is bringing back your energy, putting the attention inside of yourself and realizing you are that which you've been searching for and be honest with yourself and think, can I let go of what is toxic? Can I let go of this childhood attachment pattern that I haven't been aware of? Kind of let go of this needy part of myself that's trying to manipulate the environment to being what I want it to be so that I can feel safe. And as you start letting that go, what you'll find is you start to feel more free and obsession, it becomes easy to let go of obsession because you start more so embodying who you come here to be. And part of this means looking at your own values. We all have an identity with certain virtues we live under and we all have different values. But if one on the top of our values, values are like Tony Robbins talks a lot about this. We've got growth, contribution, significance, connection, certainty and uncertainty. Most people that have obsession over somebody else, certainty is their number one priority and significance. So what you wanna do is you wanna become aware of this and see that maybe it's stemmed from childhood, But, and there's other, like, there could be many other values as well. Adventure, like, you know, affection. Like, there's different ones for sure. But what you wanna do is you wanna look at your own values and start to reidentify them. Because then what I started to do is I started to realize that my old self was like the primed conditioned version of me. I valued other people's validation on like the top of my list. Other people's approval at the top of my list, significance and attention on top of my list, even though I'd like shed away from it in certain situations. And what I had to do is become aware of that and then rewire it. And as I began to rewire it, everything began to change. Awareness and then a new choice about who I am. And then I started living in boundaries. I started living in alignment with having boundaries. That was a huge game changer because boundaries do signify value. Boundaries do signify a level of attraction because if you are having boundaries, it means there's things you say no to. And if you continue to say yes to something that's toxic, then you'll continue to get that in your life. And the key to this whole name of the game is bringing the attention back to self, pulling the awareness back, and also not being afraid to go into more vulnerability. That was a game changer for me is when I began opening my heart and I began looking at this part of me that the reason, a lot of times the reason people obsess or the people have trouble letting go The main reason that that happens is because they are attached to, like, they're attached to the meaning that they gave to the past and everything. But it's, they're afraid, it's a safety mechanism to continue to stay attached to someone because it's keeping them from being vulnerable and opening up their heart and looking at other aspects of themselves. So you, the key, sometimes it's also be, it's being emotionally unavailable. Attracting someone who maybe is also reflecting that back to you, but also it means you're afraid to go into the emotional availability. That's what it was for me. And what I had to eventually do is open my heart and go into that emotional availability and start like feeling into that. That was a game changer. Open up my heart and realizing that I had a vulnerability block. It felt very safe for me to choose someone that wasn't choosing me. So I didn't have to look at my own vulnerability, my own, Heart, open it up. And sometimes we do all this manipulative stuff with this people-pleasing mentality and trying to manipulate people into like us or thinking about us a certain way because that feels safe for them to think about us in a certain way. And it feels safe for us to not go in that vulnerability. But actually the key to this whole name of the game is actually going into the vulnerability. And when you do that, everything in your life will begin to change. Now there is a video on healing codependency. It's one of the most powerful videos I've made. If you haven't seen it yet, click that video out here. It'll show you how to heal codependency to completely revert everything you learned in this video to transform your life from the inside out. So check that video out here. In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again. I'm gonna share with you also my journey through this process.