if people call you "nice" WATCH THIS (they don't respect you)

One of the worst things someone can call someone else is nice. Like if someone says, oh yeah, that person, they're very nice. Nice is like vanilla. It is someone that doesn't really establish who they are. So what they do is they just be this little gray area that they know they're not going to rustle anyone else's feathers. So when you meet someone or if someone says about you, oh yeah, that person's really nice, it's not a good thing. Being called nice is an insult. It is literally like you should be mortally offended. You should be like, don't ever say that again, but you'll be nice so you won't say that. You'll say, yes, I'm just a nice person. I've seen my dad say that before. He's like, yeah, just, he always says the same thing when I talk to him because I try to shake him up out of the nice guy stuff, like shake, just wanna shake him. You're like, Dad. He's like, I just believe, you know, from his perspective, it's always doing the right thing. Of course, that's a good thing, not even just a nice thing. But the nice thing sometimes is wanting to be considered a good person, wanting to be nice, wanting to be someone that is mitigating tension. I don't want anyone else to feel tension, so I'm gonna be nice and make sure that I'm in this little comfort zone so that no one else disapproves of what I want to say. Now, here's the other thing with being nice when it comes to relationships. It doesn't feel safe to be in a relationship with a nice person. Now, nice, let's first off define nice and kind. They're very different things. Kind is unconditional kindness. You can say, well, you can't use the same word in the definition, Aaron. It's unconditional compassion. Someone that is kind, it's because it's who they are. I care and I'm gonna do this. And even if you don't get it, even if you don't give it back, even, it's not like I complimented you and I expect a compliment back. I said happy birthday to you and you didn't say happy birthday back to me. That's not kind, that's nice, that's manipulative. So what happens is with kind, unattachment to outcome. If they get it, if they don't get it, it's okay. I'm doing this 'cause it's who I am. It's unconditional. Now let's look at nice, okay? Nice, I'm going to say this to you I'm going to do this for you and you are going to then reciprocate by not giving me tension. And if I give you these things and you don't recognize it, how nice and good of a person I am, I will then feel very uncomfortable, but I probably won't say anything. I'll just be like weird about it. I'll feel offended because The manipulative tactic of being nice didn't get me what I wanted. Now here's the crazy thing. Being nice will never get you what you actually want. You think, here's like, for example, you look at people that are very nice in the job setting. Use my dad as an example for this. My dad is extremely good at what he does. He's a fire investigator. He was in the fire department for like 20 years. Now he works for a different company, But he, this time, he was very good at what he does. He was known for it in the fire department stuff in Vegas. However, I remember at one point he had the opportunity to get a raise, not a raise, a promotion, to go from being like really good at what he does in this thing, you know, taking a lot of calls and doing all the reports and, you know, as a fire investigator, to being like the manager of managing other people. And I remember he had the opportunity for this, but they ended up choosing someone else. And I remember talking to my dad about this because I could tell deep down he really wanted it. And he probably didn't think it was fair that they chose someone else from even like a different division, even though he liked the person and everything. But I could tell that one of the reasons he didn't get it was just 'cause he is nice and they probably didn't see him as able to maybe manage other people, to have that sternness or to have that follow through in that way. And he was also someone that they can, they just, they offload crap loads of work to him and he always says yes instead of putting up a fight or even expressing how he feels that it's like too much. Even the other day I was talking to my dad and he's like working for a company now where it's like an insurance company and he travels all around and does like fire investigations for different places. In different cities and stuff like that. And he was telling me that they're just, you know, and he loves what he does. So like they'll give him all these calls, all this work, and he's constantly traveling. And then they expect reports from him very fast. He's like, well, you're giving me literally 15 like fires I have to write reports on. And on my off days, I'm just traveling to the other place. I don't have time to do it. I'm like, Dad, did you express that to them? He's like, oh, I will. No, but I will. Like, dude, just express it, share it. Because here's the thing, being nice, okay, look, in a job setting, being nice is guaranteed to not get you the promotion. Why? Because it's also like you don't know who the person really is if they're not expressing how they really feel. You don't know who they really are. You don't know what they really are like. And it doesn't feel safe to be around that. Think about it in relationships. If you have someone that's a friendship or a relationship and they're just really nice, you're like, what do you like to eat? I like this. Me too. Everything is me too. Who— that doesn't feel safe. Who is this per— if there, if anything you do, I would do this sometimes just to test certain people that are nice. Not in a judgmental way once I find out they're nice, but sometimes I'll test that barometer just to see how far you could push it. And then it's like, I'm joking, so I'm not like doing it to like manipulate, but I'm like, wow. And I'm like, I'm just kidding. But it's like, people will do that. And the belief is, if I'm nice to this person or I'm nice in this relationship, I'm gonna get what I want. Think about that of a nice guy. A nice guy is someone who isn't centered in themself and is kind of bending like spaghetti to whatever the other person wants in order to get their validation, love, or whatever. But what happens is their belief is, if I'm really nice and I play in this middle zone right here, then you are going to give me love and approval. And of course, that doesn't work. Why? Especially when it comes to masculinity, because it lacks the masculine groundedness. It doesn't feel safe. So people pleasers, people that want, need to, and want to please other people, let's look at this for a second. Let's look at the, there's a way out of this and the way out is by going in. But you will find that if you do what I share with you in this video, you will be more magnetic. People will be more attracted to you. You will literally make more money and get promotions more often or find yourself elevating your life because you will develop a new relationship with something that is called tension. That's it. Tension is what is avoided by the people pleaser or the empath, the nice guy. And the only way to transform your life is to actually lean into that tension. The more you lean into the tension, the more you redefine yourself, the more success comes as well. Let's look at this for a sec though. Let's look at how the people pleaser just is not authentic at all. So when you're a kid, you come out of the womb, you start growing up, and then maybe mom or dad don't approve of something that you do. Maybe you have an abusive parent growing up. And in the moment, there's tension in the household, there's tension inside of yourself. And in order to avoid the tension, there was a choice that was made. I don't wanna feel this tension. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna become this persona. I'm gonna create this persona that is called the people pleaser or the nice guy. And this pleaser has got this halo effect, the wings. I am an angel. I am a good person. And I'm just going to be this amazing good person for whoever I'm working for or whatever person I'm dating. I'm gonna be just this perfect person. And my job, my superpower is I am attention dissolver. It's like you got a lasso or something and you're able to like go around with a superpower and you just put your lasso around someone and you just dissolve their attention immediately and then they're good. And the belief is, if I do this, I will be loved, I will be attractive, I will be abundant, everyone is going to like me. But it's all surface level and it's a persona. The word persona literally means mask. Now the reason this whole persona is created is because there's an avoidance of tension. I don't want other people to feel tension. If they feel tension, then I feel tension. Why? Why is, why is that tension being avoided? Because when you were a kid, here's you and your energy field. Here's your mom and your dad who you think are literally God, by the way. You literally think your parents are God. So you don't know it subconsciously, but like what basically happens, there's also a certain level of shame here. Shame means I'm broken. There's something wrong with me. In order to fix what's wrong with me, I need to be perfect. I need to be who dad and mom want me to be. Now here's the thing. If mom and dad were some level not meeting your needs as a kid, you don't want to view your parents as bad because your parents are God. And they contribute to your survival. Can you imagine if you had to think of your parents as bad, but like they're the core basis of your survival as a little kid? So instead you say, okay, it's not 'cause mom and dad can't meet my needs or they're incapable or anything. It's because I am broken. There's something wrong with me. But what then happened is as a kid, you expanded your energetic field to include mom and dad. So now what happens instead of your energetic field feeling individuated and in your own sense of self, knowing that it's okay to be polarizing because that's their stuff, not yours. The idea is, okay, in order to make mom and dad happy, I need to be perfect. I need to be nice. I need to be right in the middle of this little, gray area. Now the thing is, is if you didn't experience the approval or validation from mom or dad growing up, many times what can happen is those are the things you value the most and those are the things that you will seek. If you didn't feel loved growing up, you will exchange love for being liked. So think about that. So it's like, How many social media likes do I have today? Do people like what I'm saying? Am I approved of? Do people at my work like me? And the thing is, is the question really is, do I like me? And then what people do is people pleasers abandon themselves for everybody else. I am a halo, angelic person that dissolves tension, and I will abandon myself to make everyone else happy because that's my role in the family. That's my role. That's what the belief is. Now remember, this is a manipulative tactic. It is still deep down manipulative because the safety is not being found inside. The safety is then looking for it on the outside, but then it also has to control. Why does the manipulation have to be there? Because you have to control other people to feel safe. Remember, you've included your field to include mom and dad, and then mom and dad, as you get older, become boyfriend, girlfriend, becomes your boss, becomes your coworkers. I need to manipulate all their perspectives to ease tension so that they like me. That's why you have to be manipulative. Now, the key to this is the awareness of when you're doing it. Becoming aware that there's this manipulative tactic of trying to control other people and that that doesn't feel safe. Now it doesn't feel safe because remember also as a kid, what happened is in the bottom 3 chakras, which have to do with being grounded, you may have not felt safe. So what'd you do? You moved it up to the third eye so that you can intuitively connect to mom and dad in your environment to feel safe. Now the thing is, is you're looking for the safety over here. It's almost like you're looking for your 3 chakras around everyone else. Think about that. It's like, as a kid, you can feel grounded in your own sense of self, individuated, knowing that you can be who you are, even if it's polarized, 'cause you feel safe here. But what you do as a people pleaser or a nice person is you take that energy out of here, it goes into your third eye, and you project it out to everyone else. You're like, okay, I have to manipulate this, this, this, it's all done subconsciously, but it's like you're looking on the outside for the safety. The key is to create the safety on the inside, creating safety inside of your own body, understanding that as you do, you will actually get what you want. That's the key of this whole video is you think it's out there, it's in here. Here's the funny thing. You think, Here's what the nice guy thinks in sexual dynamics, right? 'Cause then what happens is the nice guy has lack of sexual polarity in his relationships because he's being so nice and no one knows who the hell he is. But then what he does is he starts to be himself. He starts to understand who he really is. He starts to live by his own values, his own integrity. Normally he would hold in something that he wants to say or setting a boundary. Or someone's treating him a certain way and he decides he's going to express it and say, "That's not okay." All of a sudden, there's a little bit of tension, but guess what? There's respect. And when you're in your own frame of reality, you will be more respected. I remember years ago, I went through this transformation myself when I was aware of my dad's nice guy, people pleaser tendencies. And I was like, "Where is this inside of myself?" And I had to look deep inside and understand that there was a part of myself that was being manipulative in the sense of wanting to dissolve tension all around me. But then eventually what I did is I woke up to it and I became aware of the time. I'd tune into my body and notice, how do I feel when someone asks me to do something? How do I feel about this certain way this person has been treating me? And then what I would do is I would express it. And say, hey, when this happened, it wasn't cool. This is how I felt. And then set boundaries if I needed to set boundaries. And then when leadership, it was a whole different energy. Sexual dynamics and dating, completely different energy because I was more in my own frame. There was no more tuning to others. It was like, am I having a good time? Not some selfish narcissistic way, But imagine if you go on a date with someone, they're like, are you okay? Are you having a good time? I hope everything's good. Do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like me? It's annoying, it's needy. But imagine you're with someone that's just filling up their own cup, they're present inside of their body. They're asking themselves, am I enjoying myself? That's a different question to ask. See, people pleasing is pleasing someone else. When you start pleasing and feeling fulfilled within yourself, that's the most magnetic you you can be. And I've seen many people go through this transformation and always what it takes is the awareness in the beginning of the pattern and then making a choice about who you are and living from your own level of authenticity, your own level of vulnerability and integrity, because these values you were given growing up or you were led to believe were very important because you maybe didn't receive them. Becoming aware of them, but then making a choice about who you are and beginning to feel safe inside of your own body. When you feel safe inside of your own body, by being present inside of your own body, you will have much more magnetic energy than ever before. And what happens is, as you step more into your own frame, you realize also there's nothing wrong with you. It's like you start bringing the energy back in your bottom 3 chakras. You realize that the stuff that happened growing up wasn't your fault. Wasn't your fault that mom and dad may have been extremely strict or maybe they weren't there. That abandonment wound, what happens is then you abandon yourself to make everyone else happy. You stop abandoning yourself. And what happens for many people is there's an inner child that is locked in their timeline in the past. Like literally there's a 60— if you've seen the Still Face Experiment, it talks all about this. I've broken it down on my YouTube channel, but basically there's that of a mom with her baby and the baby is interacting with the mom and the mom is being super mirroring the baby's emotions like goo goo ga ga, and the baby's like pointing over there and then the The mom looks over there and she's like, "Ah," and the baby's so regulated and feels safe. Still Face Experiment. The mom looks away, mom looks back, still face, no emotion whatsoever. What happens is after about a minute or two, the baby's like, "What the hell is going on here? Where did mom go?" Starts to get itchy and uncomfortable. This feels so weird. And then the baby starts protest behaviors. One of the things the baby does is it points and the mom doesn't look. It's like, it normally works. So what does the baby do? It then shrieks this loud noise. Mom still doesn't come back. She's got a still face, no emotion at all. The baby then starts getting uncomfortable and then it starts to turn and it latches its spine. It can't even stay there. It's so uncomfortable to be faced with this non-emotion, this emotionless mom. The baby then tries to turn itself because it's so painful to look at that still face of the person that she loves, that she also believes is God subconsciously. Now, imagine some of the beliefs that can be made if you grow up not knowing, not feeling that abandonment, but then thinking, maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe mom left because I wasn't good enough, because I did something wrong. And then what happens is, okay, to mitigate this, I'm gonna become the people pleaser. I'm gonna do all these things in order to get my needs met, but it's all just an act. It's all just a manipulative ploy to be liked and instead of loved. And really what wants to be loved is your own inner child that's stuck in that high chair wondering, where's mom, where's dad? And if you really wanna heal, what you have to do is to begin to develop a relationship with that inner child, to be present with that inner child, to know that as you're present with that inner child, you allow that inner child to heal. Now I do have an inner child meditation that's completely free where you can go and develop that powerful relationship with that kid and watch how much your life changes the more you go and the more you're present with the kid, which is another aspect of you. You go to aarondoughty.com/child, hit the link in the description box below to download that free meditation and understand that when you're talking to your inner child, it's not like an intellectual thing. You're not talking to 'em like, hey, little Johnny, I know, or little, Martha, whatever, I know you don't know this, but you're a spiritual being and your parents are just doing the best they can with the level of consciousness they're at. It's not what you do. Your kid, your little kid self doesn't understand all that intellectual jargon, a way of rationalizing what that little kid experienced growing up. So instead, what do you do? You just be present with that part of yourself. Be present with that little, that little you. I'm present with that little Aaron. And as I am, I start to feel the safety inside of my body again. Start to feel more present. And it eases a part of ourselves that's been locked in that timeline, and then it opens up such— so much more of magnetic energy. And then you realize you can be who you really come here to be, and it's okay to be yourself. So if you want to learn more also about the still face experiment, I'll go ahead and put that video right here. Watch this video for a complete breakdown of the protest behaviors and all of it. You can check it out right here.