If you can feel other peoples energy WATCH THIS
In this YouTube talk Aaron Doughty explores the experience of empaths—people who sense others' emotions as their own—and how this ability can become both a super‑power and a burden. He links the empathic tendency to early childhood abandonment wounds, describing how, before age five, the energy from the lower three chakras (root, sacral, solar plexus) is shifted upward to create heightened perception of others. This shift fuels people‑pleasing behavior, as the empath seeks external validation to feel safe. Doughty illustrates the dynamic with his own family: a nice‑guy, people‑pleasing father and a narcissistic ex‑step‑mother, showing how empaths often attract narcissists, who in turn model a strong (though toxic) sense of self. He recounts a personal anecdote of over‑committing to a friend's trip, buying an expensive car, and the resulting stress, which prompted him to practice the "frame technique"—feeling the separation between self and others to raise personal vibration and set boundaries without guilt. The talk then shifts to broader concepts: the Still Face Experiment (demonstrating the impact of maternal mirroring on infant regulation), the inheritance of trauma described in Mark Wollem’s "It Didn’t Start With You," and the role of archetypal energies (Divine Mother, Divine Father, masculine/feminine) in re‑parenting the inner child. Doughty emphasizes that both people‑pleasing and narcissistic manipulation are forms of energy projection, and that healing requires becoming aware of one’s own energy field, connecting to higher archetypal sources (e.g., Mother Gaia), and practicing inner‑child meditation. The video concludes with a call to download a free 21‑day inner‑child meditation to integrate these insights.
Chapters
So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy. This is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side of the spectrum. Because you gain out of survival this amazing ability to tune to everybody else. You know when you walk into a room how people feel about you. You know how the friends in your life feel when you say you don't wanna do something. If you were to say no to something to do with a family member or something, there's an expectation there and you can feel that. And when you feel that, it doesn't even feel like it's their energy. It feels like it's your energy. So what happens is, as this survival mechanism that we had as a kid, what we did when we were younger, normally before 5 years old, is we move the energy from the bottom 3 chakras of the root, sacral, and solar plexus. We move it up into this amazing ability to perceive of what everyone else is thinking and feeling. And then what happens is we start modifying ourself so that we can then act according to what will get that validation and approval. Is this making sense? So this is the pattern that stems from that of a deeper core of some form of abandonment wound, feeling abandoned, feeling like mom or dad physically left and weren't able to meet my needs as a kid. So I first learned about this years ago. I went through a whole phase where I was, my dad, growing up, my dad was a people pleaser, nice guy. He still is. People pleaser, nice guy, where it's like, he's very nice and everyone would say, he's such a nice guy, but he would attract people. It's the funny thing sometimes about this people pleaser, nice guy kind of empathic thing is that sometimes they attract narcissists. Any of you empaths ever attracted narcissists? It happens. There's actually something to learn from narcissism, by the way. The thing to learn, the thing that a narcissist does that attracts an empath is an empath wants to give themselves, wants to tune themselves, give themselves to then get the validation, the approval, and the safety of something on the external. Then on the other side of the spectrum, you have that of a narcissist who's on the toxic side of feeling in their self. What they do is they will manipulate everyone else around them to get their own needs met. And what happens is then they are actually in a strong sense of self, even though it's toxic. But the empath over here doesn't really even have a strong sense of self. So empaths attract narcissists narcissists to learn something from them, to learn how to be in their own sense of self. And the narcissist will constantly test the empath until they get the lesson. And sometimes the lesson is no more, I'm out, which can be hard sometimes as an empath. But nonetheless, I look at my dad's situation, my dad, nice guy, people pleaser, good at what he does, fire investigator, very analytical thinker, super nice guy and like confident in his workspace, like very good at what he does, but also kind of like moves his frame according to other people. Then you have the ex-stepmom over here who's controlling, abusive, narcissistic, and just angry. And why did they attract each other? And even to this day, I can see, 'cause they have 2 kids together, which are my sisters, my half sisters, same dad, different mom. I can tell that the ex-stepmom is constantly testing my dad's boundaries. And I can tell sometimes, I'm trying not to like, you know, get in there and like tell him what to do, but I can tell that the answer for him is actually stand up for himself, stand up for his kids, and understand that as he does that, he learns more than just, 'cause his thing is kind of like, oh, I just don't wanna deal with it. I don't wanna deal with it, don't wanna deal with her, just make her happy, do what she needs, even though it kind of feels fake. You know, so back in the day, I was looking at this about 2 or 3 years ago. I was living in Sedona and I was looking at these energies and it was hard for me to look at because I realized there was a certain part of myself that was people pleaser. There was a certain part of myself that was like modifying what was authentic for me to make other people happy. I would find it very hard to say no to things that I didn't really want to do. An example of this, when I started to learn it, was I started to do the frame technique, which has to do with feeling inside of your body, feeling the separation between you and a candle flame. And as you feel safe in your body, your vibration begins to raise. But this one time, when I was in Sedona, I had this experience where, or no, I was actually at the time in Vegas, and I had a friend whose birthday party it was. And she was going to Telluride, in Colorado, and she had friends coming, and it was a 10-hour drive from Vegas to get to this place in Telluride. You could not fly straight into Telluride. You had to go to Denver, 4-hour flight, and then drive 4 hours. It just wasn't easy to get to no matter what. And at the time, I was getting ready for 2, 3 weeks later going to Costa Rica to do the plant medicine retreats. So I was busy, I had a photo shoot with like a cool photographer that was like hard to book. And because I couldn't say no to my friend, because I identified as like a good friend, and I couldn't say no, I ended up in Vegas, I was going back and forth from Vegas to Sedona at the time. Because I couldn't say no, what I ended up doing is buying a car, like I was like, I might as well buy, I ended up buying a Range Rover, I'm driving from Las Vegas all the way to Denver because I couldn't say no. I spent, you know, 3 or 4 days here, actually had a ton of fun, but I recognized on the way home from this, 2 or 3 days, you know, 3, 4 days in, and then I'm heading back to Sedona. I was going back to the Sedona house after that, which is like a 10 to 12 hour drive. I'm in this, I'm in this, it's snowing, and I have a Range Rover, but there's no snow tires. As I'm driving, I just keep seeing sign after sign after sign that says, "Do not enter unless you have snow tires." I don't have snow tires. I'm going around this cliff. I'm going around this cliff, and it's like, as I brake, the car's just sliding, and there's like cliffs and shit. So I had to drive extremely slow going all the way back. Instead of 10 hours, it took like 15 hours to get back. It was, the whole time I'm driving back, even though it was fun, There were only 4 friends, Matt was there, a couple other friends were there. Like 15 of the people that were invited didn't come because they're also like entrepreneurs and stuff, and they just didn't have time to take that much time away to go. So it was funny, I was kind of aware of this. I'm like, oh, it's not that the other people were bad friends, they just had businesses or whatever, they didn't have the bandwidth to get there because it was so hard to get to. The whole drive home, I'm thinking about how dangerous this is, How I'm in a car that I spent $50,000 on because I couldn't say no. And I'm like, this is silly. And I started really looking at myself here. I'm like, this is kind of a funny situation. And what ended up happening is I started more so, I started more so operating from a different paradigm. I started bringing the energy more so inside of my body. And I would ask myself and tune to myself before I would make a decision. And if somebody else had a problem with that, I would be able, through the frame technique of feeling the self versus other, I'd be able to delineate and see that if someone else does have a problem with it, that's their stuff, not something I need to manage to get their approval or validation. If they feel tension because I said no to something I couldn't do, that's not my thing that I have to manage. Tension is not a bad thing. And when I was going through that transformation out of the people pleaser into being grounded within my sense of self, That came with it a whole bunch of lessons of people asking me to do things. That came with like me saying no without giving reasons. You know, like you ever said no to something, you feel like you either have to make up a lie or you have to like kind of like bypass it in some way. Instead of that, I would just say no without needing to have a reason. And a lot of this came when it comes to setting boundaries with me tuning more into my own body and feeling the separation between me and someone else, me and a situation even. So back when I went to that Costa Rica place back in the day that I was mentioning, there was a speaker there, her name was Dr. Sue, or is Dr. Sue Mortar, and she was teaching this interesting concept. And she said, what she did is, and I did this at the last event, she said, when we got, there was like only 30, 40 of us, And what she said is, everyone in the crowd, send me energy right now, send me energy right now, send me energy right now. And as they did, she said that energetically, she like taught energy and like the scientific side of energy. She has like a TED Talk and stuff like that. So it's very interesting from a scientific perspective. Send me energy, send me energy, send me energy. And as people were sending her energy, she's like, I can feel it's like repels. And it would make her like back up. And then what she did, is what she would do is she had everyone bring their energy back, bring your energy back, bring it inside of your body, feel the separation between you and the person next to you, feel the space and separation between you and the stage. And as people did that, she said there's like this magnetic effect to it. You can feel that magnetism because someone's in their own sense of self. Anytime people pleaser, nice guy, whatever those terms are of wanting something from someone else, You're literally projecting your energy out of your body onto someone else and then asking them to have the burden to make you happy. That's why it's unattractive. It's attachment, it's attached to what someone else is doing to get something. And in the same way, we are all gonna look, and I'm not, like, this isn't something we have to feel shame about or feel bad about, but in the same way, the narcissist will manipulate other people to get their needs met, It's important to recognize that sometimes people pleasing and tuning to other people, it's inauthentic and it's manipulation. It's manipulating other people to get what you do. The narcissist gets a bad rep because it's so obvious of what they're doing to other people. But the empath people pleaser that gives to then get is also pretty manipulative. It's the same energy. It's just different means from getting their needs met. One says, I will give to then get, the other one says, I will take and demand. Does this make sense? Does anyone see what I'm saying here? So noticing this is powerful. Awareness is always the first step. Now, the inner, how many of you would like to learn a little bit more about the inner child dynamic to this that can be healed, looked into, and felt? Yeah? Okay, we'll go into it, I guess. So I wasn't going to, but okay. So when it comes to abandonment, when it comes to feeling the feeling of feeling alone, the feeling of mom and dad weren't there, they may have physically been there, but maybe emotionally they couldn't help you meet your needs. What happens is at a certain age, at a certain feeling, we feel alone. So sometimes you see people that, you know, they might leave their kids crying because if they attend to them, 'cause they're gonna get used to that, which is kind of silly because it's like the nurturing of that is the healing of that. There's a video when I had that session with Mark Woolam, who wrote the book, "It Didn't Start With You," who my friend Bridget told me is like an incredible coach. She took 2, 3 months to get a session with him. And then I luckily, I got a cancellation he had for last Monday. So I got in like a month earlier than I was supposed to have the session. And I was hoping that happened because I was hoping I could have the session before this live event because I wanted to share with all of you what I learned. So, yeah, welcome. So Mark Wollem wrote the book, "It Didn't Start With You," which is all about how we inherit genetic trauma from family lines prior to us. A lot of it has to do with mostly the energy of us inside of our mom And then our mom inside of her mom, it's very strongly connected through the mom's side of the family. And what happens is this energy's on autopilot. And until we do the work like all of you are doing, you are now becoming aware of these patterns. You're becoming aware of your childhood stuff and you're able to heal it so that you break the cycle so that your kids don't have to carry with it too. Have any of you, there's this video, I wish we had a projector here 'cause I would love to show this video. Anyone ever heard of the Still Face Experiment? Anyone ever heard of that? So the still, it's a still face baby experiment where what they do is they show this video, this video, or they show this, it's like from the '90s, but basically what it is, is it shows the relationship between a mom and the baby, and this is baby girl. And what happens is, is the mom is validating the baby. Oh, like encouraging it, responding to it, the baby's pointing, the mom looks over, just like completely like at one with the baby, just regulating and mirroring the baby's emotions. The baby feels seen and safe. And this baby, and they just have this beautiful connection. Then what the mom does is the mom turns around, has a still face, and just looks back at the baby with no emotion whatsoever. So what happens is the baby goes through a process where the baby's like, what the fuck is going on? You know, why is mom not mirroring my emotions? She's not regulating the emotions, the energy with me. Then what the baby does is the baby protests. The baby protests where it's like, it'll try pointing and then the mom doesn't point. The baby starts to get anxious, starts to get itchy. It's like, why is mom not mirroring my emotions? Why does she have no expression at all? So what ends up happening is the baby's spine will kind of go crazy. Like it literally feels itchy in its own skin without having the mirroring of the mother. So then what happens is the lady looks away again and then comes back and starts mirroring again to heal that energy. So what happened for many of us when it comes to abandonment is what happened is at a certain point, there was some form of still face, some form of abandonment, some form of feeling like there's some form of wall. But there was never the reintroduction of the mother coming back to mirror it again, to heal it. But then what we do is if we did not feel soothed, if we did not feel held, if we did not feel nurtured, then we look to the outside and we believe that we need to be, we need to do something in order to get that because we've let go of believing we are naturally it. This is when we move into our self-worth is based on what we do. Is this making sense? So when a baby is there, a baby is just worthy, the mother is mirroring it, the baby is being validated, nurtured, and soothed. If it's not getting its needs met, it then says, what do I need to do? What do I need to do? Do I need to be more quiet? Do I need to give something to mom? Do I need to regulate mom's emotions? Do I need to help parent? Like, do I need to ease tension in the family? And if I don't do that, then my needs aren't met. I don't feel soothed, I don't feel held, I don't feel nurtured. So the key and the healing to this process is becoming aware of how we within ourselves can feel that nurturing and connect to an energy that is greater than even our own mother. So there is that of an energy within our reality of archetypes. Anyone ever heard of archetypes? The archetype. So even though mom or dad, the dad, the masculine energy, because our parents to us represent relationships, and then one will represent masculine feminine, or masculine energy, one will represent feminine energy, and how we relate to that very much overlays how we relate to everyone else in our life. Does that make sense? So what happens is until we become aware of these energies, until we look at these energies, they stay in autopilot. Even though our mom and us might not have the best connection or your dad and you may not have the best connection. And you might say, well, it might, but you can work on healing that connection with them, which I do believe it can be very powerful, but not everyone can meet us in certain ways, I guess. And I know there's many different people here with many different dynamics, but we're blessed in our reality to have that of these universal archetypes because we're all one consciousness that we can all connect to. We have the divine mother. The divine mother, it's talked about in the book, "Autobiography of a Yogi." Anyone read that book? "Autobiography of a Yogi" is an amazing book from Yogananda. Talks about the divine mother, talks a lot about the divine mother, this divine archetype of love and nurturing and support. The divine mother could very much be Mother Gaia herself, which is just unconditionally loving, no matter how much stuff that we do to it, no matter how, careless we are, it's just always recycling, reinventing itself so that it can support us in this reality. The divine mother could be planet Earth, Mother Gaia. The divine masculine can be the stillness, the space, can be God, source energy, the universe. There's many names we can give to these, no matter what spiritual dialect you prefer, these are just energies. When it comes to the divine father, it could be the sun. Some people say the galactic center. There's many different analogies that you can use for this, but it represents the stillness. It represents the space. It represents the protection, the solidity, a rock that's just stable. So there are different archetypes that we can use in our reality to connect to And when I was going through that process a couple years ago of healing, one thing I did a lot of was go in nature. Went in nature to clear out my energy field, to connect with Mother Gaia. As I would do that, I felt so much more free. I would feel so much more nurtured. I'd feel so much more supportive. So in a meditation that we do in a little bit, we're gonna be going through that process of connecting to the Divine Mother and allowing that transmission to literally reparent us. Because if we didn't feel soothed, nurtured, and held as kids, we will look to that for the outside. And it's until we do that to ourselves, until we do that to ourselves, that the energy stays unintegrated. So the key is holding, breathing with our inner child, breathing with our inner self, breathing, nurturing, and soothing that aspect of ourself that wasn't held soothed, or nurtured as a kid.
If you want to wire in everything you learned in this video in a very visceral, powerful way, and also to heal your own inner child, really be present with the part of you that may not feel seen, heard, or soothed growing up, then do the inner child meditation. It's completely free. You can download it by clicking the link below or going to aarondoughty.com/child and listen to that meditation for 21 days and watch how much your life begins to change. Now, if you want to learn more about the still face experiment where I break down the actual video and show you more on that, you can check that video out right here.
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