In this self‑help video, the presenter explains what an abandonment wound is, how it forms in childhood through physical, emotional, or relational neglect (e.g., parental divorce, emotionally unavailable parents, abusive step‑parents), and enumerates its common symptoms such as hypersensitivity to criticism, people‑pleasing, jealousy, insecurity, and staying in abusive relationships. Drawing on personal experience, the speaker shows how the wound drives a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable partners in an attempt to "fix" them, mirroring the original childhood dynamic. The central therapeutic insight is that the wound’s shame‑based meaning is not the viewer’s fault; reframing the childhood events as neutral circumstances belonging to the parents’ own issues releases that shame. The video then links the wound to self‑abandonment—over‑explaining, seeking external validation, and neglecting one’s own body and values. To heal, the presenter recommends body‑focused awareness, stopping self‑abandonment, and practicing the "frame technique," a meditation and integration method learned from a shadow‑work coach. The speaker promotes the free High Viber app, which hosts workshops and meditations on the frame technique, and urges viewers to adopt the reframed perspective, stop abandoning themselves, and recognize their inherent worth.
Chapters
Having an abandonment wound is much more common than you think. An abandonment wound is when as a kid we felt like in some way we are either physically, emotionally, or some form of abandonment happened to where we felt like either our feelings didn't matter, a parent physically left or became emotionally unavailable. And as a result of this, we wired in a level of ourselves that thought that there's some level of shame, that we are broken in some way, that our feelings don't matter. And what we'll find is that there's many side effects or symptoms that come from the abandonment wound. Some of them would include like oversensitivity to feedback or criticism, overreacting to conflict, extremist tendencies, maybe ghosting at the first sight of conflict, jealousy, self-doubt, insecurity, staying in abusive relationships. People pleasers are also a common side effect of an abandonment wound when we feel like we have to change ourselves in order to gain the validation or approval of someone else. In a way, the abandonment wound is, and the side effects of the abandonment wound is that we will do anything we can to gain the approval and the validation of other people. And it's because we're not drawing that validation from self because as a kid, we weren't given that or we weren't taught that. So this video, I just wanted to show you what really helped me to heal my own abandonment wound because I think that like when you do it, it changes your whole life. When you heal your abandonment wound, it will change your whole entire life, how you relate to other people, your love dynamics, what you will allow and not allow. You know, like if you heal your abandoned wound, you won't allow people to take advantage of you. You won't allow people to, you know, you won't entertain being around people that are maybe using you for their own purpose or their own energy. You start to become aware of these things. And this is like a little representation I think makes it easier to understand. Now, as a kid, what happened? What happened is we imagine this is us and that this is our parent. Now, it could have been a parent, it could have been a family member, it could have been a family member of the family or a friend of the family. It could have been many different things, but what happened is there was something that happened. You could say this is the meaning. Now remember, everything in life has no built-in meaning other than the meaning we give it. Now, yes, we can all come together and agree that abuse as a child isn't a good thing, but the important part to remember is that the meaning we get out of it, the meaning we assign to it, is what we get out of it. Now, as kids, what happens is we think the world revolves around us. It's part of being a kid, even into later in life, and some people still have that complex today. But let's say something happened. Now, this is actually a neutral thing, even though we may, a lot of us may agree that a divorce isn't a good thing, it's actually a neutral thing. So divorce happened, and many times the meaning we will give it is something to do with shame. So it's, I'm broken. It could be divorce happened, I caused the divorce. My parents didn't love me enough to stay together. My parents divorced when I was 5. I don't even remember the meaning exactly that I gave it, but I remember feeling very alone, starting to feel in a way now I have to choose between my parents. And then what happens as well is there could be another aspect of this. It could be that one of your parents or both your parents was emotionally unavailable. Now I know that when I was a kid, There were things happening in my parents' life to where they had their attention preoccupied on that. So I, in many ways, felt emotionally available at different parts of my childhood, especially having the abuse of my ex-stepmom in my life from 7 to 15 years old. So from that happening, I felt abandoned. I also felt abandoned because when my ex-stepmom was in the picture from 7 to 15 and she was mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive, it was something that in a certain way I felt abandoned from my own dad protecting us, my brother and I. So that was something that I had to heal as well. And I had to become aware that what I thought was that there was some level of shame that said my feelings don't matter. Maybe my brother and I aren't worth it to be protected. That having an emotionally unavailable parent, if I could have been different, maybe they would have been, if I could have fixed them or something, then maybe they would have loved me. And what I didn't realize I was doing in my romantic relationship is I, relationships, is I was attracting women that were also emotionally unavailable because my hope was that if I could fix them, I could then gain their love and approval. And what I was doing is replaying the childhood dynamic so that I could eventually heal my partner so they could love me was me trying to like heal my mom so that my mom could love me. So I was attracting people that had that similar energy dynamic. And what I had to do, this is the game changer for healing the abandonment wound. It's realizing that this shame that you feel, this thing that happened, this meaning had nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with you. Your parents' divorce was not your fault. If one of your parents abandoned you, it's not your fault. It had nothing to do with you. It was their own stuff that was happening. You can release the shame. The shame comes from the identity. It says, I'm broken, there's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Anything that happened when you were a kid, the emotional unavailability of my parents was not my fault. My parents divorcing was not my fault. Even if you have someone in your life that maybe broke up with you, that maybe you ended a relationship or they ended a relationship with you, It's not your fault it didn't work out. It just didn't work out. We don't have to internalize these things with shame. So one of the biggest keys to this is realize it's not your fault. You can then start letting go. When I started realizing that I was attracting similar energy dynamics that played on this abandonment wound of me trying to fix so that I could then heal them and then I could value out of that and then I could get them to love me the way I wanted, When I became aware of that, it became so freeing because I realized I don't have to do this. It's not my fault. I'm worthy for just being me. You are worthy for just being you. The meaning that you used to give to these childhood circumstances, you can reframe those, reframe them. Your parents divorced because maybe they didn't get along as well as they used to, and it would've been healthier for them to not be in the same house versus being and having that toxic energy in the same house as you. That could be one way of reframing it. Your parents are emotionally unavailable. They had a lot of stuff going on in their life. They were doing the best they could. I find that too, this stuff trickles down in ancestral lines. So the emotional abandonment that happened in my life also happened in my parents' life when they were kids. So it's just a pattern that's being passed down. But the key to this is knowing it's not your fault. It's not your fault. And when you start realizing it's not your fault, you start taking your power back. You start realizing that this isn't about shame. There's nothing wrong with you. They didn't abandon you because you weren't good enough. They didn't abandon you 'cause they didn't love you or they didn't like you. They abandoned you 'cause they had their own shit going on. It's on them. That's their shit, not yours. It's not your fault. Now, the other thing of this is what I realized a lot of times happens with the abandonment wound is if you've ever felt like you've had to over-explain yourself to other people or get their validation, or you agree to do things you don't necessarily wanna do, many times what we do is we abandon the self. We abandon the self as a form of abandonment. So the key to healing the abandonment wound is to stop abandoning the self, to start doing what you wanna do, to start listening to the self, being present inside of your own body. A lot of times the abandonment wound too It causes us to leave the bottom 3 chakras of our body and to go into the, the intuitive part of ourselves that we can connect to everybody else because as a survival mechanism, we've had to tune to everyone else to see if we're making everyone else happy and getting their validation. When you start doing a meditation where you put the awareness into your body, it changes everything. And that's why it's something I call the frame technique. The frame technique is something I learned from my shadow work integration coach and it's been completely transformative for me coming more into my body, me integrating these different aspects and releasing the abandonment wound. And if you haven't checked that out yet, by the way, you can download the app called High Viber, H-I-G-H-V-I-B-E-R. It's free on Android or Apple and the Apple Store. It's an app that you can download and connect to your High Vibe Tribe. Plus there's meditations in there. There's live activations we do, live meditations we do. But there's specifically going to be a workshop in there on the frame technique, completely free. It was a workshop that we did a month or two, a couple months ago, and it was really powerful. And there's also going to be a meditation in there for the frame technique meditation. So you can download High Viber or click the link below and go to highviber.com. But in general, stop abandoning the self and start becoming aware of your own frame, your own values, going to your own body, being in your own body, in your own frame is the same thing. Realize it's not your fault. If you— this was a game changer for you, it's not your fault. Can you like this video and comment down and say it's not your fault? Let everyone know it's not their fault either. And you can reframe the meaning and realize you can stop abandoning yourself. You can realize that what happened as a kid— there's— you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. It was just something that happened. And as you become aware of that, you become more free. So with that being said, I hope you enjoyed this video, and as always, peace, love, namaste.
