If You're a Nice Guy, WATCH THIS!

Being a nice guy is a shadow mechanism that keeps people from knowing who you really are. So if you feel like you're a nice guy, understand that there's a way out. There's a way that you can go around without feeling like you're always trying to please other people, understanding that, um, that when you start to take your power back and you start to remain firm in who you really are, you'll magnetize more things to you. You'll find that you have more magnetic energy and you'll find that you're really happy. Because being a nice guy doesn't necessarily make you happy. I've learned this from experience, from seeing my dad and how he is. My dad's the nicest guy in the world. In this video, I'm going to share with you exactly what that shadow side is, how you can integrate it, and exactly what to do step by step to get out of being a nice guy and into being who you really are. Welcome back to another episode. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their their consciousness. So on this video, what I decided I'm doing, um, right now I am in, uh, Sedona, Arizona with some friends. Say hi, Austin. That's Austin. Uh, Drew's coming out here in a minute. And, uh, right now we're just, uh, I figured I'd make a video today on something that's kind of fresh in my mind. Um, lately I've been learning more about the shadow. So every single one of us has a shadow and, uh, there's like this archetype that we have in our collective consciousness that has to do with being what is called a nice guy. And when people— you probably know someone that is a nice guy. Maybe you're somebody that is considered a nice guy, but you might find that nice guys don't always get what they want because when a nice— what a nice guy is, is a nice guy is somebody that is trying to please other people. A nice guy is somebody that actually in a way gets an emotional payoff from identifying a sense of significance from identifying as being what is called a nice guy. But what happens is You feel as a nice guy, like, um, you get value out of, out of adding value to other people. And, uh, I've realized this in my own life, especially with my dad. My dad is like the classic nice guy, somebody that, uh, everyone would always say, oh, he's such a, such a nice guy, you know. And, uh, I've seen him though, because in, if I, if you look at my own past, for example, between 7 and 15 years old with my ex-stepmom in my life, she was very controlling. Um, that caused my brother and I to always try to please her. We were always trying to please her. We were always trying to make her feel, uh, feel, you know, feel, um, feel happy so that we weren't in trouble. And what I found out is that after 15 years old, my dad divorced her. I had a certain pattern where I was always having someone in my life that I was doing everything I could to please. And that would cause me also to want to, uh, I'm going to share with you the game-changing idea, by the way, that, that changed everything for me. It was one idea. Um, but it had to do with understanding tension. And when you have tension in your life and you're a nice guy, you want to do everything you can to get rid of that tension. And the problem with this though is that then in some ways that holds you back from being who you really are. Now in the dynamic between my dad and my ex-stepmom, because they have two kids together who are my half sisters, um, I see just over and over again where there's this energy dynamic where it kind of is unfair in some ways. The balance is unfair. And I noticed that it's like, you know, there's, there's aspects of it to where even though my dad has that, the nice guy mentality, it doesn't work in his favor all the time. Actually, a lot of times it doesn't work in his favor. And in my own life, I've realized that there's some characteristics and traits that I've got from either seeing the way my dad was interacting with my ex-stepmom or my ex-stepmom and me trying to please to not be in trouble so much. I've seen that manifest in my my own life in some ways where I'm doing what I can to mitigate any type of polarity. Uh, and even when it comes to that masculine feminine polarity that I think all of us have inside of us, what happens is it becomes a little bit unbalanced in some ways. It's almost like, uh, it's almost like we'll do whatever we can to mitigate tension, to mitigate some type of polarity where people may see us a certain way. But the thing that I want to share with you is that you can integrate this part of you and know that there's nothing wrong with it, but understand that a lot of times with this nice guy mentality, what happens is there's a lack of boundaries. There's a lack of boundaries because there's also a lack of rejection. There's a lack— there's also a lack of not wanting to be rejected. And also there's a lack of, uh, there's also a lack of feeling like you don't want to be turned down. So you're seeking validation from other people. And that was one thing that I realized because I was seeking so much of people pleasing my ex-stepmom, that was something that I then developed into my own personality. And what I had to learn to do is I had to learn to go against the grain, to go against what felt natural. So one thing that I would do is I would, um, I would do like it maybe wouldn't feel right for me to say certain things or to really express how I feel, but the more I did it, I realized the more power, the more kind of like I'd break out of that little box. So realize that a nice guy is a shadow mechanism that keeps people from knowing who we really are, from knowing and also embracing kind of like— some people consider it the darker side, but we all have like a, you know, there's, there's different facets of us that some of us repress and some of us actually have. Now let me share with you that one thing that, that really made a big difference in me understanding this whole concept of even attraction. So if you're trying to attract someone into your life, and you might feel that things just don't always go right, this was an absolute game changer. There's a guy that wrote a book too. His name's Robert Glover. It's called "No More Mr. Nice Guy." And it kind of talks about this. Definitely recommend that book. But there's this topic that he talks about and it's called positive emotional tension. Positive emotional tension is what this is called. And it's a concept that he talks about. And what it has to do with is understanding the polarity of, uh, of the masculine and feminine. Now in general, this doesn't have to be just for heterosexual or heterosexual. It could be there's, there's masculine and feminine within every relationship, even if it's same sex or whatever, whatever the label is. However, the masculine in general wants to be on its purpose. The masculine craves freedom. The masculine has a certain level of, um, of direction and the feminine is more about surrender. The feminine is more about love and that connection. And the problem is that sometimes if you're not embracing that purpose, that mission, that focus, then you might find other aspects of it don't really, don't really, you don't really develop boundaries. And if you have a lack of boundaries, especially the feminine can feel that. Now, positive emotional tension, positive emotional tension, PET, is, is when you're able to remain firm in who you are and you're maybe even able to say things that spark tension within someone else. And think about anything that you've ever been really attracted to and why people like certain things. Like for example, why do people like sports teams? Why do people like watching sports? Watching sports causes emotional tension because you don't know what's gonna happen. If you were to know and watch a rerun of a basketball game and you already know who won, It wouldn't be nearly as fun because that emotional tension was completely dissipated. When you talk about, when you talk about movies, watching movies, why do people watch movies? What makes a good movie? A good movie is something that emotionally gives you some type of tension. Tension creates pressure and pressure creates that desire, creates that, that uncertainty. Now there's, you can look at many different areas of life where this PET, positive emotional tension, is in. And you could see that a lot of times that is what keeps people— that's what keeps people interested in certain things. Now it works the same way with attraction. Now when it comes to attracting feminine, masculine-feminine polarity, the problem with nice guys is nice guys want to do everything they possibly can to minimize that positive emotional tension. So when I looked at some of my past relationships, there'd be some of that tension there. I'm a fixer, right? My dad's a fixer. So I'm like trying to fix it. I'm like trying to mitigate that tension. The problem is that when you try to mitigate that tension and you're trying to, and there's a difference between positive, here's the thing too, positive emotional tension and negative emotional tension, either one attracts women. Women don't know the difference actually, or feminine doesn't know the difference between either one. That's why sometimes women will be in abusive relationships because it's still giving them that emotional tension. And the problem is, is that if a guy doesn't give their— or a guy, okay, the masculine doesn't give the feminine that emotional tension, women will then create that negative emotional tension themselves by nitpicking. And if you're a nice guy, you might actually stay around for that for a long time because the nice guy doesn't have boundaries. Now, the key to this is understanding that if you have a vision, if you have boundaries, you can in a way stay firm in who you are. The feminine wants somebody that's grounded. You want to come over here in a sec, Drew, and share?

Absolutely, man.

Okay, you want to come over now? My buddy Drew can always share. Many of you guys may have seen our other video on it. So we were talking, I was telling them about the video topic that I'm making today was on being a nice guy. And what were you telling me? You said?

Oh man, the vast majority of my life I was the nice guy. I think it came from being abused and tortured as a child. Yeah. So I was very much trying to overcompensate by not stepping on anybody's toes. I didn't want to get in trouble. So it took a lot of reprogramming in my subconscious to get over being the nice guy and really living into my highest vision for my life.

What would you say you did? So like you, like if you guys don't know Drew, Drew has like, you've got a really great organic supplement company. You're like successful. Yeah. You're a successful business guy. He's also very high vibe guy just in general. Drew's awesome, but what did you— because I see you now and I didn't know you then. What did you do to kind of bridge that? What was part of that subconscious reprogramming? Did you have to like step into this new role and wire that in through repetition action?

I would actually say the biggest thing for me was when I really started to take working out seriously. Really? So when I really started to invest in my physical health, I was training like a warrior, right? Like the masculine warrior. Yeah, and I was setting goals, hitting goals, living into my vision more. I became more accomplished because I was focused on it. Yeah, tenacity. And because I was living so much in my vision and it was unfolding and materializing, it really gave me the confidence I needed to say, hey, yeah, you deserve much better than what you're getting, right? In particular for me, I was attracting relationships that weren't serving my highest function, where I was being almost like bullied. Really? Yeah, relationship.

I've been there too.

Yeah, I was being hit in relationships. I'm like, what is going on here? Yeah, when did I become such a beta?

Right.

So, and yeah, luckily working on the physical realm, my body, setting the goals and the vision changed my life completely. And then the mindset came of letting go of that old person to become something Yeah, okay, that's cool.

So like having that old identity and then letting go of that.

Yeah.

And it's almost like you being in that physical, doing the physical activity, that began to like rewire your— it's almost like you picked up on an archetype.

Exactly.

Yeah, some type of archetype, you know.

Yeah, I actually, I had a ceremony. I dressed up in all black and I went out in the middle of the woods and I wrote down all the things that were no longer serving me.

Uh-huh.

And I had a little fire that I started started and I just burnt the things that were no longer serving me. It was almost like a funeral for the old me.

Wow. I really like that.

It was like an initiation of drawing a line in the sand. You know what I'm saying?

Wow.

So the nice guy and then when it would come up because it always comes back every once in a while, my observation of it became much greater. I was able to shift and change.

Wow.

So that was a good exercise.

Yeah. I recommend everyone doing something like that. I've done stuff like that where I write We were talking about this last night in the jacuzzi. Write down some of the things on a piece of paper that maybe you want to let go of, or even like writing a letter to someone that maybe did something bad to you or something like that, or you did something bad to them. And then what you do is you write it down and how you felt, and then you burn it. You like watch it burn. Absolutely. So stuff like that. So you— so, um, okay, so now it's like the nice guy. It's like you're in your— you're fully embodied in like what you— I see the way you live too. You live like doing what you love, whatever you want to do, you just go do. You have that sense of direction even with, with like Rebecca, I can tell, you know what I mean? So you've definitely overcome that.

Thank you, brother.

So that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks for having me on, dude.

Yeah, of course. That's Drew. That's Drew Canole. I'm going to link his channel below. You can check him out as well. He makes videos and he's an awesome guy just in general. He's got a lot of amazing information, so definitely check him out. Um, but just to kind of wrap this whole idea up is, um, it's overcoming the past version of you, overcoming and letting go of the label of being a nice guy too. Being a nice guy. There's a level of significance. It's like, I'm not, I'm not that, I'm not like all the other guys. Or you remember, this is masculine, feminine. So if I say guys, just, you know, I don't want people thinking like, don't get mad at me. I promise I'm just saying that. But, but realize that this is about integrating parts of the shadow and understanding that there's an emotional payoff for being a, a nice guy. And that, that payoff might be significance. That payoff may be feeling different than the other guys, but the thing is, is what normally brings attraction in the reality we're in now, maybe we evolve our level of consciousness and they're not attracted to us anymore, but it's having some type of positive emotional tension. And positive emotional tension is when, as the masculine, you're on your purpose and you have boundaries. What is okay? What is not okay? The feminine wants to be guided. The feminine wants to be guided and wants to feel safe. Wants to feel secure. But in order for that feminine masculine polarity to be there, you have to, you have to in a way have that self-awareness and be taking action from that level of direction and to be creating. Like, that's why creating life on your terms can be very powerful because then that's, that's a magnetic energy and it's like, oh, this person shows up in the reality that way. But a big game changer for me was understanding my old self-image, letting go of that whole nice guy mentality and not being afraid of creating that positive emotional tension between someone else, even if that means putting myself out there and being vulnerable. I realized that somebody, sometimes if I was attracted to someone or talking to someone, I'd hold myself back because I was afraid of getting rejected because of this time when I was like 12, 13 years old when I was rejected. When I asked like an 18-year-old out when I was like 12 or 13. But then I realized that anytime I'd transition into like talking to someone in a certain way, it would be like this block. And that block was there though because I was feeling that same thing that I felt when I was 12 or 13 years old and I was afraid of feeling that same thing. But the key is really just understanding that the past does not equal the future, does not equal the present. You can let go of that and push through anyways and realize that once you wire in a new way of being, it's very magnetic. So, uh, if you're, if you're looking to, to, to just understand that with this positive emotional tension, Understand it's about you really being authentic with who you are, not just like, you know, creating that polarity just because, but doing it because it's— this is who you are. You have boundaries because you have a self. You know what your self-worth is. You're creating life on your terms. You're setting intentions. You have, you know, this video is kind of geared at kind of healing the masculine in some ways and then being aware that you can be who you are unapologetically. So These are kind of some of the ideas, you know. There's also something I have that's called the Emotional Transformation Process that helps to integrate the shadow, which includes these different aspects that I'm talking about. So, uh, what you can do is click below, check out the Emotional Transformation Process, integrate your shadow, and understand once you do that, you begin to feel emotionally free. You can then really embody your true essence, create that polarity within yourself, and also just understand who you really are. In a very powerful way. So like I said, I'll go ahead and link that below. It's called the Emotional Transformation Process. Check that out. There's some bonuses you get right now if you join as well. Other than that, like this video if you liked it, subscribe if you haven't already, and as always, I will see you on the next video. Peace, much love, and namaste.