If you’re trying to let go but still attached, please watch this…

Why is it the more you try to let go of someone, the more attached you actually feel? And why is it when you've completely energetically let go of someone and you literally do not care whether they actually respond to you or not, that the energy then comes back to you? This is something that when you learn the energy dynamics behind this, completely shifts how you show up in the world. When you begin learning why you're actually really subconsciously attached, this is where the true freedom really begins. At a recent live event that I did, I had somebody come up to the stage who was finding it very hard to let go of someone in their life, someone that was inconsistent, not reaching out to them, et cetera, hadn't talked to them in a while. I worked through with her in the moment And what I did is I had her energetically break up with me on stage, me pretending to be him. And as she began to own that energy, as she began to stand in that frame and to shift that energy from the inside out, it completely shifted the energy of herself. And ironically enough, after that 20-minute interaction, she then went on with the day and guess what happened? Her phone got blown up by this guy that she hadn't talked to in a while that she'd had this connection with. Literally 5 missed calls, messages. He literally texted her and said, "I miss us." And what was interesting about this is it happened within moments of her energetically letting go. This is a really cool moment because sometimes I'll talk about this in my content and people are like, "Does this actually work?" You can actually see it work in a video that I did recently. Now, what it shows though is that when you bring the energy back to you and you get clear inside of yourself of what this person represents to you, that's when your energy really shifts. It's you realize that the reason it's been hard to let this person go is because this person has been familiar to an inner child story from the past. And many times staying attached to this person is a way in which you avoid an emotion that's under the surface. There's some emotion that the hope is giving you that allows you to not feel something you've been avoiding. And when you begin tapping into this energy inside of you and you begin to become aware of what that energy is, that's when everything begins to shift. And in this video, I'm gonna share you some vulnerable aspects of my own life of why it's been hard for me to let go of certain people in the past, the exact inner transformations I had that allowed me to finally let go, that allowed me to take my energy back, that allowed me to learn so that I can continue to attract deep connections in my life. And I'm gonna show you step by step how you can have similar insights as this so that your life transforms from the inside out, so that you no longer are projecting this energy outside of yourself, so that you no longer are trying to let go as a mechanism, and instead you recognize what this energy really represents so that you can bring the energy back inside of you. And as you do this, you will shift how you show up for other people. You will shift your relationship with yourself. And you'll find from this point moving forward, you may have a completely different relationship to letting go and to your own spiritual connection. So with that being said, we're gonna get into that right now. I mean, the first time I ever realized that I was really attached with someone was because there was such a story there that like this person was like such a deep spiritual connection to me that what happened was is I hadn't felt a deep connection with someone like that before. So what happened was there was this energy where there was a sense of, am I ever gonna find this deep level of connection in anyone else? So what ended up happening is it's almost like this person then became on a pedestal. It was like they are the other half of my soul in a way, or like they are some form of deep connection. "So if things don't work out with this person, well, I had my shot." And what I remember happening for me, and one of the things that shifted everything for me when it came from learning to let go, was first off realizing that there was an attachment there, and that that attachment was that I was putting my sense of fulfillment outside of myself. I was putting it in this other person. And the realization that I had was once I recognized that it wasn't just this other person that the attachment to, that's when I started to become free. Because what I realized is that this person was representative of a pattern that was subconscious from childhood. It was the moment I recognized the connection between the person and the energy that it represented to me from mom. That was a huge insight for me. And what happened is as I began to connect the two, I started to realize that this was something that instead of putting the awareness and the energy on them, I could bring the awareness back inside of myself. Because even though this person was a symbol of an inner child energy that hadn't been processed yet. Prior to this awareness, it was all about them. It was like they weren't coming around. If I could just prove it to them, if I could just fix them, then I can get them to love me. I can get them to not leave me. Now, when I look to this as well, and I looked at some of the core patterns around this, this like, this connection is it was definitely rooted in a feeling that if I can fix this person, which is very similar to the childhood pattern where when I was a kid, my mom, when I was like 2 or 3 years old, my mom's dad passed away and that was very hard on her. So if you imagine being a baby and then being a toddler and then your mom is going inwards, your mom is going through an internal process and you're sitting there wanting mom's love and approval, but feeling like she might be emotionally somewhere else because she's processing something, what might be regulated inside the baby's body or in my body when I was that age? I may have been like, who do I need to be to help relax mom? Who do I need to be to help mom get to a place to where she can feel a certain way so she can meet my needs? Well, ironically enough, years later after my spiritual awakening, I go through my first deep connection after my spiritual awakening. And it's with someone that once again, I feel like I can somehow fix. Now, the interesting thing about this too is when I met this person, this person also went through a Kundalini activation, went through like a deep level of spiritual awakening. Activation shortly after we met. And in our relationship, imagine someone's going through really deep level of like emotional transformation, spiritual transformation, but feeling kind of ungrounded through it. It was very challenging for this person going through that. And there was an energy that I felt where I felt like, well, if I can help them, if I can fix them, then they will be at a similar energy to where we can connect again. The challenge with this was that I was projecting onto them that they were broken. I was projecting onto them that they didn't have the ability to fix themselves or whatever, to go through whatever they were going through. And it was to where I was literally sometimes having conversations, like this person, was really needing. There was a part of me I had to become aware of that where I did feel needed. So there was a codependency that I felt where feeling needed was being mistaken as like deep love and connection. So what I was doing is I was creating this codependency, disguising it as like deep love and connection. When even though there may have been love there in certain ways, there was a, an aspect of it that was definitely rooted in, I was more in love with myself in the sense that I was more in love with the pattern of codependency. I was in love with feeling needed. That was interesting for me to look at. I felt needed and feel needed felt familiar. It felt like I'm doing my role. Yes, I'm taking on the responsibility and the burden of this person's, awakening and all this energy, but at the same time, that's what I know. So what I would find very challenging when it came to letting go of this deep connection was that this connection was also connected to this attachment I had to a pattern that would meet my needs. And that pattern was to be a fixer, to be the good person, that's holding lots of space. And ironically enough, guess what happened in this relationship, in this dynamic, when I was holding lots of space and trying to fix? What do you think happened to the polarity? Of course, now I'm the fixer coach-like person that's coaching someone through. It creates this almost block to connecting. It almost created this like barrier to connection because I, I had to be a little bit above to feel safe. I was subconsciously doing this. And I think many people that go through a spiritual awakening, there's a subconscious energy there where what happens is there's this subconscious grandiosity there that's like, I am awake, everyone else is asleep. I'm doing all the spiritual work, a lot of other people don't. This also justifies why I don't meet people in a deep way because all the other people aren't doing the inner work, but I am. And part of this is I am and other people are not because I'm a little bit above so that it puts me in a space to where I don't have to be that vulnerable and show that part of myself. Well, in this relationship, guess what? That was the same type of dynamic that I was projecting into it. I was projecting in this energy that I'm a, it allowed me to be the coach 'cause that felt safe. And of course that decreases polarity, dynamic, and connection. And ironically enough, the huge insight for me was realizing that I was the common denominator here. I stopped putting the focus on them and I started putting the focus on me. So if you're listening to this right now and you're wondering, how do I, I'm trying to let go, but it's hard to let go and I still find myself attached. One of the things you might be coming to the awareness of is that putting the focus on them not coming around is a distraction from some emotion you may be avoiding feeling. And that emotion you may be avoiding feeling may be shame, like it was for me. There was a belief, maybe there's something wrong with me. But to avoid that shame, I would tiptoe around it and be like, oh, this other person's not coming around. This other person needs to be fixed. Oh, this, that story about them would take away from the common denominator, which was me. And part of the me was also recognizing that this person is reflective of a pattern that comes from childhood. Now, this begs the question of something you probably never heard of before that will completely transform your life when you begin to learn about it. It's this idea that most people are in denial of, when it comes to the kind of people they attract into their life. It's this subconscious thing that when people become aware of completely changes the way in which you filter your relationships. It changes the way in which you show up and it allows you to bring the energy back to you. Now this idea is called the imago, I-M-A-G-O. The imago is it, similar to an image. Now what happens subconsciously that completely transformed the way that I look at love dynamic relationships and finding people that are a fit to go deep with is understanding your imago shifts everything. Your imago are the positive and the negative traits of mom and dad. And those positive and negative traits of mom and dad that most affect you. Are similar traits you will find that you attract in people, love dynamics, romantic partnership that you bring into your life. This will happen naturally. If you have any spark or connection whatsoever with someone, you will have versions of your imago that are overlaid. And people, by the way, that you think you don't have a connection with, that you say, oh, I don't have a connection with this person, Many times when you think there's someone that's boring or you don't have a connection with, part of it is your subconscious imago, which is an image of the ideal partner that you have of both the positive and the negative traits of mom and dad. That imago is something that overlays with the other person's imago. And what happens is you get into relationships with people and you have deep connections with people and you feel chemistry with people, that you have an overlap of what is called this imago. So you'll find that when you especially meet somebody that you have lots of, lots of chemistry with, lots and lots of sparks, fireworks, the moment you meet with someone, you feel like you've known them your entire life. And one of the reasons you feel like you've known them your entire life is because they fit an image that's been in your subconscious your entire life. So what happens is as you start to become aware of this subconscious part of you that you may have never been aware of, you then start to realize where are the unmet needs, emotions, and where are the triggers inside of you around people that you date. But remember, Part of the reason you're attracted to these people is because they reflect a certain part of your imago, a certain part of the image that you have. So in an interesting way, this is where you can also start to become free because you can start to trail this energy back to childhood. You could start to trail this energy back to see, which can be very freeing because then you could start taking the, story away from it's all about them. So what happens a lot of times when it's hard for people to let go is the story is it's all about them. And if they were to come around, then you could meet your needs. And the hard part to realize about this when it comes to the imago is that the imago is an image of the ideal character, the ideal partner, connected to parents as well, interestingly enough, that you hope can meet your needs or that you hope can help you feel familiar emotion and energy. So I would find myself when I was younger, before I was doing a lot of this inner work and integrating different aspects of myself, I would attract certain people into my life that reflected back certain characteristics of either mom or dad or even my ex-stepmom. And part of the reason I attracted some of these people was because they were reflective of unintegrated parts of myself. So if you think about it, like why would I attract controlling people into my life? Why would I attract controlling people into my life? Now, you know what's funny is I was listening to a video the other day of this person on YouTube named The Wizard Liz or something like that. This person on YouTube was talking about how she attracted somebody that cheated on her and she's pregnant and she just had a baby and she attracted this person and it was like, it looked like the ideal relationship and it was all over social media. This person cheats on her. And then what she does is she has a baby and she still, she cuts this person out, but it's of course now that it's the dad to her baby. But what I thought was interesting that she said is she said, that when this person was controlling what she would wear, this person would say, her ex would say like, "Don't wear that. Don't wear this. Don't do this. Don't do that." She literally thought, she said this, she was aware of this. She thought that that control was love. She thought, "Oh, the reason he's telling me what to wear is because he loves me." The reason, sometimes people say, "The reason this per," if someone doesn't get jealous of me, going and like being around other people, then they don't love me. And that's because there's been a confusion around this energy meaning deep connection and love. So what could happen is she could meet somebody that maybe doesn't have that control, not telling her what to wear, and she may literally subconsciously say to herself, this person must not like me. And this happens to all of us in some ways if we have unprocessed energy around a certain dynamic or around a certain parent. So what I found interesting about this is there's a certain level of familiarity and safety that comes with certain energies that maybe have been unprocessed or unintegrated. Like what can you learn from that, right? In our own ways. Like for me, I would attract controlling, woman into my life for a certain number of years. And what that was propelling inside of myself was an energy of me standing up for myself, me not needing to take responsibility for this other person. Because you see, if as a kid, there was a belief that if I can fix or please my ex-stepmom who was controlling and manipulative, then I can feel safe. But also there's an attachment to the identity of feeling good and like a fixer and I feel responsible. But you see, that would be mistaken as connection. And it was asking me to bring out a side of myself that was more in my power, a side of myself that says no to needing to fix. And as I started to integrate that back in the day, I stopped attracting controlling people. And what's funny is it would happen, it was like, it would happen more blatantly. But like then there was, I remember there was a moment where I stopped attracting controlling people that were overt, meaning it was very obvious they were being controlling. And then there was a couple people I attracted that was more covert under the surface, still similar to the manipulative energy. But the more that I began working with this energy, the more I began seeing the patterns, the more free I became because then I wouldn't mistake that as connection. I was integrating a part of myself. Part of that meant integrating a part of myself that was afraid of connecting to tension. Like if I was avoiding tension as a kid, I might attract people into my life where I felt like I had to mitigate their tension, which would become a huge burden. but it was a familiar burden. And that was a role which I felt very safe and familiar in. So, so much in my life shifted when I began to become aware that it's not just this person, it's a pattern. It's not just this person, it's some form of connection to my imago, the subconscious image that I have. And as I began to nurture that inner child part of me, that's when things really began to shift. But even more than that, you take this even a step further, is that what emotion are you avoiding by believing that they need to work out with you? This is huge for so many people to realize that this will completely free you when you become aware of this one idea right here. The reason you're afraid to let go of this person is because the image and the thought of this person is your way to keep them alive in your energy. It's a way that you can keep them within your energy field. It's a way in which you can keep the hope and the dream alive. And therefore letting them go means you're letting go of the hope, of inner fulfillment. You're letting go of the hope of connection and depth. And by letting go of that, that's scary, that's familiar, or that's not familiar. And this is the thing to realize though. What is the emotion you're afraid of feeling underneath that? Because many times people will hold onto hope Because the emotion underneath hope is being afraid to look at. For me, I remember when I became aware of this dynamic inside of myself in prior relationships, where I'd become aware that it was a connection to childhood. I'd become aware of all of this and become aware of the patterns, which some of you do. Some of you probably have become aware of how this connects to certain patterns from your past or mom or dad or something like that. But the other aspect is that what you've probably done is realize that there's also underneath the surface there some level of shame that doesn't wanna be seen or looked at. And this is where freedom can really come. And I'm gonna share an idea with you that may completely shift your life from this point moving forward. This is something that as I shared in my coaching practices, as I share at live events, I've seen many people have breakthroughs around this. It's understanding that the shame that doesn't wanna be seen, shame grows in, it's the belief I'm broken or something wrong with me. One of the cures for shame is expression, sharing that shame with someone else. I remember in this very house, I was with a friend one time, my best friend. We were in the back having a conversation and we were talking about our inner child wounds. And my friend had an inner child wound where he would like always, he was on YouTube and he'd make YouTube videos, but then he would like start to make them and he'd always have this fear he'd become like too big and then he'd like neglect his family. And he was always afraid he was gonna leave his family. It was like this rockstar persona 'Cause he liked rock stars growing up. Like, you know, he liked these bands and stuff like that, Jim Morrison. And he always loved Jim Morrison, but was afraid he was gonna become like Jim Morrison. And that if he became like, if he thought he was like Jim Morrison, he's gonna leave his family. And if he got too big on YouTube, it was this pattern he had underneath the surface. And I remember there was this moment where I was sitting there with him and I was like, I was just kind of showing him like people, like you for you. And it was this whole insight around him realizing that like his content he was creating was good enough the way that it was and the way in which he was expressing himself. 'Cause he thought he had to do all this other stuff in order to be seen or for people to kind of like resonate with his content. And it was like this emotional moment, but then it turned to me and what he could recognize in me and he kept reflect back to me was that the person that I was in a process of letting go of The fear behind that was that if it didn't work out with them, there was a feeling that there was something wrong with me and that somehow it was my fault. And what he helped me become aware of is that just like with mom, when mom was, when I was 3 or 4 years old and mom's dad died and mom maybe wasn't able to be there in the way in which I know she wanted to be, it's this realization that it wasn't my fault. "It wasn't my fault mom wasn't emotionally or physically present. It wasn't my fault that she maybe wasn't able to give a certain type of energy because of what she was going through. Wasn't my fault that my dad attracted an ex-stepmom that was controlling and manipulative." And in that moment, I remember I started to like tear up and we were both kind of like crying. It was a very interesting moment. The recognition there though is that it wasn't my fault and it wasn't my thing to prove was very powerful insight. It was recognizing that I don't need to prove myself to this person. I don't need to get them on board. I don't need to sell myself. And the insight that I wanna share with you around shame is that shame is like the belief I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. And what we'll try to do in order to mitigate that shame is we'll try to become enough. Now, I share this at my live events, and this is something that like has really shifted my life. Understand that you are both not worthy and worthy at the same time. Worthiness is a concept. When people say, "I feel worthy," what does that mean? Worthiness is not a feeling. Worthiness, maybe you mean calm or you feel accepting of yourself. But like worthiness is a concept. And if we, to avoid feeling not worthy, we will try to become worthy. Now this is where I can create grandiosity and I'm a coach who's helping people and fixing people. I'm better, I add lots of value to people. That's a way of masking and being afraid of the shame. But when you can really let yourself be not worthy and worthy at the same time, that's when you're free. Think about it like a baby. A baby is both worthy and not worthy at the same time. You could say, if I say, "Hey, is a baby worthy?" You say, "Yes, a baby is worthy." We all agree a baby is worthy. What does the baby have to do to be worthy? Nothing, the baby just is worthy. But the baby has no concept of worthy. The baby just is. The baby just is. You just, you are, you exist. Worthiness, not worthy, these are concepts that we learned growing up that we then try to prove ourselves against. So a huge epiphany for me was realizing I don't have to convert anyone, I don't have to prove myself. And as I began to tap into that, I then realized that this person no longer needs to be a symbol for somebody that I need to control what they think about me. And one of the biggest insights that shifted my life, and even in this person that I've been referring to in this video, the deep connection that eventually detached and it was like this energy where, let me say this, in the last few months of us being together, there was a couple weeks because we were traveling and there was this whole dynamic. There was a couple weeks where I completely detached my energy. I accepted that we weren't gonna be together. And what happened is that was when ironically enough, the energy dynamic completely shifted back. To like a new way. That was because I wasn't trying to fix, I wasn't projecting, and I didn't care. I wasn't attached to what happened. All of a sudden, I was also more in my own masculine energy. It was very interesting how that shifted when I shifted, when I took my energy back, when I started putting the awareness inside of myself and I wasn't projecting all these needs onto this other person. And ironically enough, I mean, after that, there was this kind of, things kind of like lingered for a little bit, but then I eventually became more centered inside of myself. And that was when I went through my own initiation into being more in my own masculine frame, and I stopped projecting that onto other people. So ironically enough, everything in my life shifted when I began to bring that energy inside of myself. Everything in my life shifted when I stopped trying to prove I was worthy or not worthy. Everything in my life shifted when I realized it wasn't my fault. "That wasn't my fault that I had to prove myself and take on the burden of all of this." That was an inner child part of myself had to hear that. Because from one perspective, you could say, "Well, it's your responsibility," but it wasn't the 3-year-old versions of my fault. That was where things started to be and started to shift. So this is why when you begin to do the inner work around your own inner child, Everything in your life can shift. Your inner child holds the awareness and the energy that you are trying to find in other people. And when you begin claiming those patterns, claiming that energy, that's when you begin to take your energy back. That's when letting go actually becomes so much easier because you're not afraid to feel the emotion that's underneath the distraction. And that distraction is the attachment. That's when you become more free. That's when your life changes. If you wanna watch this happen in real time, referencing that video that I talked about at the beginning of this video, and you wanna watch someone energetically take their energy back and what happens when you do that and how on stage you can see somebody begin to bring their energy back to themselves, and then that person blows up their phone, "I miss us," check out this video right here. It's one of my most popular videos from a recent live event. And it will completely shift how you let go right here.