[individuation] if you did this your whole life would change

This is the process that is the medicine that you didn't know you need but will completely transform your life. Now, individuation is the process by which you become a self-realized being and stop living according to the energies, the expectations, and the direction of sources that you used to feel like you were under the power of. So many people may grow up in a family where there's mom, there's dad, there's this dynamic between mom and dad, and there's an expectation of you. Maybe they want you to go to school. Maybe you saw that their relationship was a certain type of way, and there's this, this tainting of energy from believing that that's what all relationships are. Maybe there were certain values or certain things you saw that your parents experienced that you either resist or believe you need to embrace because you witnessed it in them. When people do not properly individuate as kids, that leads to someone that is constantly looking to the world for validation, someone that is constantly looking for safety from other people. And they're looking for the values they should be living by. It's this feeling of, am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? And who, I don't know who I am. So I must tune to every other person in my life and be who they want me to be so that I can feel safe. And when people don't individuate, it leads to later in life anxiety, depression, people feeling like they can't say no, hard to set boundaries, people that don't do what they actually want to do, that doubt themselves a lot, who are afraid to speak up and afraid to be bold. And in this video, what I want to do is show you the process of individuating, what Carl Jung calls the individuation process. So this is the process, simple or complex as the case may be, by which every living organism becomes what it was destined to become from the beginning. Even when you think of it in Carl Jung— so Carl Jung is like considered one of the godfathers of psychology. It just described— he describes it as the process of self-actualization or self-realization, the discovery of one's life purpose. Of one who is believed to be. It means becoming the most integrated, whole version, unique part of you that you can be without tuning to mom and dad for approval or validation or to society for who you should be. And this many times, I believe it as well, is think about it. If you were to bring the energy back into your body, you would be more magnetic. If you were to start asking yourself the question, what do I want? I believe about this? What do I value in my life? You would begin to get more on this right track of becoming aware of these different facets of yourself. So what happens many times in childhood is that people that are empaths, people that can feel other people's energies, as a survival mechanism, they leave their bottom 3 chakras. It's like they leave their root chakra, sacral chakra, solar plexus, and they move into their third eye, the intuitive center, so that they can tune to everyone else. And they're constantly asking themselves the question, am I safe? Who do I need to be to ease the tension? Because the process of individuation can require someone to lean into tension. It also requires leaving the unknown. Think about it. Imagine back in the day, there's this cave and you, your mom, and your dad live in the cave. And there's an afraid energy of leaving the cave. On one hand, you may want to become your own self. You may want to attract whatever into your life, but on the other hand, it feels nice and warm inside the campfire that's around the cave with your mom and dad. And there's a certain sense of loyalty that might be there too. So then what happens is people do grow up, but then they still feel this guilty, energy tied to mom and dad. Have you ever had it to where maybe right out of high school, maybe you wanted or didn't want to go to college and you had parents that had a certain expectation of you and they wanted you to go to college for what they wanted you to go for? Or maybe it was you wanting to follow your purpose or to even find your purpose. See, a lot of people say they don't know what their purpose is. And sometimes the reason is, is because they're still in— they have not individuated yet, so they haven't created enough space for them to find out what their purpose could be. So what they do is they're constantly like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, because if they did know, it would mean they would have to confront the tension of what mom and dad would think of them. Individuation is the process by which you become who you are actually meant to be, who you lean into the tension of choosing your own values, of jumping into the unknown, of living according to the values and an ideal that is beyond what your parents thought and felt. Maybe it includes some values, but values you choose, not just values you were given. When you think of individuation as well, Think of it as something that if you don't do, you will remain dependent on other people, what they think, their validation, approval. You may be codependent in relationships. You might find it hard. And as an example, maybe you see someone that, what would an example of this be? If you were to imagine someone that's maybe going to therapy and their boyfriend wants them to move in with him. But they feel afraid of that because if their boyfriend was to move in with them, they would find themselves feeling a lot of tension because they would then feel like they were losing their sense of self. Now, maybe what happens is that somebody, maybe this person also is doing whatever this other person wants to do. They may wanna eat certain foods, they wanna watch certain movies, and maybe this person doesn't tell this other person, you know, I don't wanna watch this movie tonight. I wanna do this instead. I wanna eat this instead of this. I actually don't even like this type of food. Because if somebody wasn't encouraged to think and feel for themselves, they'll constantly bend themselves in this soupy malleability to do what everyone else wants to do. And then living with this person, it's like, you're telling me that all the time I'm gonna have to bend myself. Whereas if this person were to properly individuate energetically and feel confident in their own sense of self, they could then live with someone and voice their own opinions, not have the energy under the surface. They would feel worthy to voice what they want, who they are, and to be in their own sense of power. But without that knowledge, without that knowing of that individuation, they continue to feel like a leaf in the wind. They'll continue to feel like they're a victim of everyone else's energy. I remember part of the process of my own individuation growing up, many of you know the story, but I'm not gonna get into that part of the story, don't worry. But there was a lot of control in my life from 7 to 15 years old with an ex-stepmom in my life. 15 years old come around, I have all this freedom. I went from not able to watch TV, not able to have friends, having to earn going to school activities, normally locked outside doing yard work all day, not getting enough, food to eat, to all of a sudden being able to eat second, third, fourth helpings of food. I gained 20 pounds in 3 months after the divorce. I was able to watch television, play video games, hang out with friends. It was a whole new world for me. And after that, there was a lot of freedom that came because a lot of the power was with my ex-stepmom. She was out of my life, but my dad still kind of had this, like, for a while, my dad still had this, like, residual energy where he was still also kind of like trying to control certain things. Like for example, my dad's a firefighter. So the thing with being a firefighter kid is you gotta comb your hair to the side. You gotta tuck in your shirt. You represent me as a firefighter and don't embarrass me. So there was this thing, I was like, I gotta make my dad happy. I'm gonna comb my hair to the side even though I don't wanna comb my hair to the side. I'm gonna tuck in my shirt even though I look freaking nerdy as hell and I don't wanna do that. I remember having, I mean, you could say he's a good parent, but I remember when I was driving to like, driving around the neighborhood growing up, I remember when I was driving to school, I was, the only time I was allowed to ride a bike was to go to school. I had to wear a helmet the whole entire way to school. And I just remember being so embarrassed because everyone, and I know you say, oh, it's healthy to wear a helmet, got it. But I just remember always feeling like I was under this rule of like having to do whatever everyone else wanted me to do. So I remember one of the things I did, this is gonna sound so, it's funny that I've even sharing this, but after I turned 18 years old, one thing I did is I was going through this process of wanting to really establish my sense of self of like kind of expressing to my dad, like I am gonna do what I wanna do now. And I remember one of the things I did is prior to that, I started growing out my hair. I untucked my shirt. I started looking the way I wanted to look. But then as one final straw, what I did is I remember taking my dad to the side and I told him, I live, born and raised in Las Vegas, right? I took my dad to the side and I was like, Dad, I just want you to know that tomorrow I turn 18. And he goes, I know. I said, I just want you to know that tomorrow I'm going to a strip club and there's nothing you can do about it. That's what I said to him. And he was like, he was not happy about it, but He thought about it and he was like, well, okay, well I guess there's nothing I can do. And part of that process was me just kind of like wiring in this energy that I'm gonna do what I wanna do rather than knowing you don't want me to do it. Now I'm not saying that's like, that's the goal of this video for you to go and like do something someone else doesn't want you to do or do something like that. But that is just an example of something that I did to individuate. Now, even deeper than that, let's go to something that's more self-help vibe. Growing up, even while I was working my 9 to 5 selling women's shoes, my dad always told me, here's a funny thing. My dad went to 2 years of college, became a fire investigator, firefighter, fire investigator, worked his way up, did his thing. He loves what he does. That's great. But he's like, you're so smart. You should go to school. You're so smart. You should graduate and go to college. You're so smart. You should do this. You could be a lawyer. You could do anything you wanna do. And I was always knowing that I didn't, I always just knew I did not want to, like, I did not care for college. I went for a couple years. I didn't really care for it. I remember thinking I wanted to be a lawyer, going to political science classes in high school or in college. And I was like, I don't even wanna do this. So then I had that sales job selling women's shoes, knowing that eventually I'll figure it out. I just knew I'd figure it out. I didn't know how, but I knew. I always knew that by 30 years old, I'd be a millionaire. I know that sounds, I just knew it. I just knew it. And at 27, 28 years old, there was nothing in sight. It was like, oh yeah, Aaron. I remember even telling people that I used to work with that. I was like, I just always felt like I would be. But then what happened is as I started going through my spiritual awakening and watching other YouTubers and I started to get inspired, I decided I wanna start making videos and I wanna start being this new version of myself. And I remember even as I started doing it, my dad who did not understand it, he in a way supported it. He let me live with him for a while when I was going full-time on YouTube, which I'm very grateful for. And at the same time, I knew it was not what he wanted me to do in the sense that he was very traditional. Most of our parents, I believe, If you're close to my age or even older, it's like your parents are even more traditional than you in the sense that get a job, salary. My dad has pension and stuff like that. Like that's the safety. You want safety. And I was like, I don't want that. I worked a sales commission job selling women's shoes because I got to have influence over my paycheck. There was no consistency really. I like that. I like the uncertainty. I like having the ability to put my energy into something and get different energy out. And I was always inspired by my, by my uncle, who is someone that owned a business and he had no college education and was the most successful person in the family for a while. And he did it all through figuring it out and having willpower and taking risks. And I always admired that. That was something that I knew being an entrepreneur was something that I was more aligned with. So when I started making videos on YouTube and I started figuring out marketing and I started doing what I do on my channel back in 2017, I knew my dad didn't understand, but I had to hold the vision for myself. And as I started to get the results, then my dad was like, oh, there's something here. And now today my dad sees my success, knows of my success. He's very proud of me, but It, it had to come from me choosing that path and choosing it in spite of knowing that deep down my dad wanted me to go to college and my dad wanted me to do something very different. So individuation is a process of you breaking away from the structure of what your mom and dad want you to do. If you do not do it, you will remain playing small. You will remain in this, pattern of tuning to them. And maybe it's not even them. Maybe you're tuning into society. Maybe you're tuning into social media. Maybe you're tuning to your friends and you're constantly looking for their validation or approval. And the reason you're looking for their validation or approval is because they're the ones with the values that you must live by. Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? The most powerful thing you can do is to start to choose what you value, start to choose who you are. But part of this process is going through a process of separating your energy from mom and dad. This is where I wrote people pleasers. I mean, if your parents were maybe poor and they didn't have money, you may feel guilty about being abundant. Maybe they wanted you to go to college, but you don't want to go to college. Maybe your parents got divorced, and now there's this feeling that if you were in a good relationship and in a healthy relationship, that either it's gonna break up because that was the pattern that they had, or if you were in that, you'd feel somewhat guilty. There's these hidden loyalties that some of us have to our culture. There's these hidden loyalties we have to our family dynamic that unless we become aware of and we individuate, we will stay in the pattern of it. So there are 3 powerful steps that I found to individuation. You may even go through this with friends. Have you ever had a friend that just like, maybe there's a certain relationship where you're recognizing that the energy just isn't the way you prefer it to be? Or you can't even set boundaries in a healthy way. Here's the 3 steps of individuation. You can do this whether your parents are alive, whether you're in contact with them. You can do this in a way where you're getting more into your own frame of reality and more inside of your own body. So the first step of individuation is declaration. This is a choice you make. You can declare that I am going to declare my own space. I'm gonna declare to choose my own values. It's the awareness. As I became aware of that, I declared it. I'm gonna have this conversation with my dad. I'm gonna go full-time on YouTube. I was declaring it. You may recognize that there's certain energies that are imbalanced in a certain relationship in your life. You can declare it. The second step is separation. Now separation can be both an energetic component and a physical thing. You may have people in your life where you need to individuate and separate your energy from so that you can get inside of your own frame of reality to decide what are my values? What do I live by? Who am I? At the same time, you can do this energetically by feeling the separation with the frame technique, for example. Where you feel the separation between self versus other. And by feeling that self versus other separation, what you're able to do is start to feel safe inside your own body. This is where you're also able to start to become aware of what your purpose is, what your ideal life is, what your values are. Separation and space allows that to happen. It's very hard to do it when you're constantly in the energy field of someone else that has something they want from you, for you to do. So for me, separation, I've gone through phases of this with different people in my life, whether it be family or friends, where I'll take some space, I'll go within, I'll decide who I am, what I want, how I prefer to show up in the world. And then that allows for the third step, which is reconnection. And in that reconnection, you can create new terms. The new terms is that renegotiation of who you are. If you don't do the separation, it's like there's too much old energy baggage there that's keeping the old dynamic alive. So part of that reconnection, and you can choose to reconnect, and sometimes there may be certain people in your life that bring you down in a certain way. You don't always have to reconnect, but you do reconnect with new terms of how you choose to be. So what this can look like is you creating some space and understanding there will be some, during that period of separation, there will be not an emptiness, but there will be a part of yourself that creates space where then you start to say, who am I? And if you have always identified as whatever your parents want you to be, then it will feel kind of empty at first. It'll feel kind of lonely, but realize that in aloneness, is where there's a lot of magic that happens. There's a lot of self-reflection that can happen. So the process of individuation is the process of you becoming who you choose to be, you choosing your own values. There's values you were giving from your friends or your family growing up, could have been validation, approval-seeking, safety, of everything else of the external. And now maybe you choose to live by the values of authenticity, of integrity, being in your own frame. If you weren't encouraged as a kid to think differently, then maybe now's the time. And at first you're gonna start practicing this energy and you're gonna be like, okay, that actually someone's gonna say something and you're like, actually, this is what I really feel. If you start valuing authenticity, even if someone else doesn't necessarily like what you think, it's like you value that. It's a virtue you live by. You're gonna express it. And at first you'll do it and then you'll see. So many times I've had conversations with people in my life where I kind of retain my sense of power and I come back to my body and I think I'm gonna express this and something bad's gonna happen. And then I express it and there's more respect there. Can't tell you how many times it's happened. What you think will happen in your mind and the reason people avoid the tension is because they think tension is bad. Tension in childhood may have been bad, but the process of individuation is becoming a self-realized being who is living according to your own credo, your own virtues. And one thing I highly encourage you do is you learn this process by taking yourself, giving yourself some space to decide, who am I? What values do I choose to live by? From this, you will feel more magnetic. You will need less from other people. You will be in your own frame more often. One thing we're going to be doing starting on January 11th is going through a 21-day New You Challenge. It's a brand new challenge I've never done before. I'm going to be teaching partially a process of individuation, getting into your own center of reality, understanding that anything you put on a pedestal, you energetically resist. Some parallel reality concepts I've shared that are kind of esoteric. We're going to be talking about how to create a new you from the inside out so that your outer reality changes as a reflection, but you don't even need it to change. And if you want to join that, you'll see the link below. Go to 21daynewyouchallenge.com, grab your spot. And then also, if you haven't learned about the frame technique yet, it's one of the most powerful processes for getting inside your own body and creating magnetic energy from the inside out. If you haven't learned it yet, then watch this video right here.