Let Go & They Will Come: Why Healing Your Inner Child Attracts the Right People

The way you subconsciously feel about mom or dad gets projected out into other aspects of your life in the world. Now, this is from understanding that the world we live in is a reflection of our own subconscious mind. And some of the most powerful work you do is when you become aware of what is called the father mother-child dynamic. And one of the reasons this is, by the way, is when you were 0 to 7 years old, you were primarily in a theta state, a deep level of brainwave activity where your subconscious mind was being written. And what happens is then you get older and you move more into alpha state, and then more into beta state once you go through puberty at 14, 15 years old. And then there's less access to that theta state. And when you were in that theta state from 0 to 7, you were subconsciously absorbing the beliefs in your environment. You may have been subconsciously absorbing the beliefs about what and how your parents relate to you. Subconsciously, how mom showed up may also represent your beliefs about nurturing, feminine energy, women in general. And same with the father energy. A lot of times the mother energy is related to creativity, nurturing, and the father energy is also real. And then also your beliefs about women. And then on the father energy side, it's whether you felt protected growing up, there was that masculine structure there, your beliefs about men. Protection, also that of purpose, money. These are all things that then, if there's subconscious blocks towards mom or unresolved energy towards mom or subconscious blocks and energy towards dad, that may be playing itself out in different ways in life now. And one of the main reasons this is, is because subconsciously The subconscious mind runs 95% of our life. And when you were deep in your subconscious theta state, the beliefs about mom, the beliefs about dad were also beliefs about authority beliefs. These all get projected out into the world. And this is something that as you become aware that you may be attracting certain people into your life that reflect back similar dynamics when you were a kid. This is why that happens, by the way. Has anybody ever experienced it where you attract someone into your life and then it seems like there's a certain pattern in the personality dynamic, even though it's a different face, it's a different name, similar energy? Why is that? Well, subconsciously, you're drawn to someone that reflects back what you believe you deserve. Or what you believe is familiar. Now, this is why it's so important to become aware of these subconscious patterns. And this is why also I believe inner child healing is so powerful. Going back to that time, that inner child part of you that was deriving all this meaning from reality, and then making a new choice, not just about who you are, but in a way, Being able to be present with that inner child. Because that's the thing. If that inner child did not feel seen, did not feel heard, did not feel soothed, or did not feel nurtured, then what happens is that inner child is still trying to get its needs met subconsciously. And it's in a way, because there's not resolve there, it's trying to find resolve in outer reality. And that resolve might be certain patterns, maybe perfectionism. If I'm perfect, then I'm enough. Maybe it's people pleasing. If I please other people, then I'm enough. Or it's bending your frame for other people. Or it's walking on eggshells around people. You see, these are all subconscious unresolved energies that are on autopilot. And being present, and that's a good point. Someone says, how do you be present with your inner child? When, like, okay, so when you are interacting with other people, just in general, and when you're even interacting, like for example, in like a coaching dynamic, like when I'm coaching someone, for example, The key is not seeing people as broken, not thinking you need to fix. So when I'm coaching people, I'm not looking at them like, look at this broken little fragile bird, how can I help and fix this person so that I can feel good enough and I can feel worthy and get all the credit? That's the subconscious drive that some people have. And if you're someone in your friend group or your family that's always fixing people, there may be a subconscious pattern there. If I fix them, then I'm doing my role, I'm helping. But the thing you wanna become aware of is when you see them, are you seeing them as broken or are you seeing them as powerful? You can hold space for them to come up with their own realizations. That's when coaching is very powerful. When you ask questions that get people to their own realizations. Because if the words come out of their mouth, it's theirs to keep. If you tell them what to do, they're going to rebel. Most, most of us growing up rebelled against things we were told, or we did it but didn't wanna do it. So what happens is if you're with someone else and you're giving advice and you're telling them what to do, they're going to rebel against it most likely. But if you ask them questions that get them to their own realization, They didn't get to keep it. Now, the way that this relates to the inner child is a lot of times people, if you think about talking to your inner child, it's funny too, 'cause it's like you're talking to your inner child. It's like, okay, little Jimmy, I imagine you, little Jimmy at 6 years old. Oh my gosh, this is how you felt. Jimmy, don't you know you're so powerful? You could do anything you wanna do. And it's like, this is what you do. Like, don't worry, it's all gonna make sense. 6 years from now, don't worry, your mom and your dad just don't know, like, okay, that's a way to do inner child healing. It's not horrible. But the other way is you listen, you see, hear, soothe, and nurture that part of you, and you allow them to feel what they feel. The negative emotions they feel aren't something you need to fix. Oh, you're feeling uncomfortable emotion? It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, you don't need to cry. No, be there with that inner child part of you. Be present with that inner child part of you. You don't need to fix. You can be present with them. And that's why with inner child healing, what I recommend people do is I recommend that the most, to heal your inner child, one of the most powerful things you can do is to tap into it to see What were the unmet needs as a kid? So what, in what ways did that inner child you not feel seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured? But then what you can do is sit there and be present with that part of you and allow that part of you to feel whatever comes up. Because many times as kids, there may not have been that permission to feel. They may have felt my emotions are wrong, I am too much, "Family doesn't know how to be there with this emotional, the emotions that I'm feeling." So there's a belief, shame, there's something wrong with me, I'm not allowed to feel. And then as an adult, you may carry that energy around subconsciously, not feeling safe to feel it. But if you can go back and connect to your own inner child and give the space and permission for them to feel that and not see them as broken, Be present with them. But in that energy, there's a big healing that will occur. Because remember, healing happens in the presence of an empathetic witness. I believe this is a Peter Levine quote. I can't remember. I've heard it from a few different moments. So presence happen, or healing happens in the presence of an empathetic witness. Now, healing doesn't happen in the presence of someone that's really trying to fix you. Someone that sees you as broken, that's trying to like figure out what gears to move in you so that you fix and then you're finally enough. No, presence happens, or it happens in the presence of an empathetic witness. That's how healing happens. So be present with that version of you. Let them feel what they feel. Don't see them as broken. And as you have this vision of like they're powerful, I'm here with them. I'm witnessing what you're feeling, maybe even mirroring back those emotions to your inner child. If your inner child says that they are scared and they don't know what to do, as you connecting to your inner child, you're just with them. I can see that you're scared. And that you don't know what to do, but I want you to know that I'm here with you. And you're just witnessing it. You're not like, oh, you're scared, but don't worry. It's okay. You just don't just realize intellectually this idea that I want to share with you because you're 7 years old and I'm going to talk to you like you're a 25-year-old adult. It's funny because sometimes when people are like, what would you say to your inner child at 6 years old when this thing happened or whatever? You know, I would tell them this intellectual thing and then I would just like tell them like, you know, just doesn't really matter. And it's like, oh, do you think a 7-year-old, 6-year-old version wanted to hear it doesn't matter? Probably not. By just being present. So, so far, One of the biggest epiphanies you can have from this video is that to really heal, understand that the subconscious mind is running 95% or more of your life. And that when you were a kid, you were in a theta brainwave state where your subconscious mind was just absorbing all these meanings in reality. And this is why the mother-father-child dynamic is so important because when you were in that dynamic, in theta state, you were deriving meaning to who am I, how to relate to other people, how do I relate to men, how do I relate to women, how do I relate to my own power? And what happens is those meanings may be subconscious and then if they're not looked at, if they're not, you don't become aware of those patterns, They stay on autopilot. You go out into the world years later replaying that mother-father-child dynamic over and over and over again, subconsciously attracting people to you to reflect back whatever meanings you gave during that time, not realizing that it's— your life is perfect right now. Your life right now is perfect. Perfect for reflecting back to you that which you believe about you, that which you believe you deserve. And there's also energetic payoffs you get from certain things in your life. This is the thing that can also shift a lot of people is when they become aware that a lot of the patterns in your life are serving you in some form. Like what is a payoff? A payoff is like, can be a negative thing, but it's a thing that you may be subconsciously drawn to and do it for a certain reason. So what is the energetic payoff, for example, of perfectionism? Like, how could perfectionism be a payoff? It's like, well, perfectionism is where you put the bar so high for you to achieve something. Or you say, in order for me to be good enough, I need to be perfect. I need to look perfect. I need to do this thing perfectly. So what happens, you set the bar so high so that you can attain this perfect outcome, which of course, if you ask a perfectionist, how would you know something is perfect? They never have an actual answer. It's like this abstract thing, or, you know, it's this or it's that. It's never this clear thing because it's just a mechanism that keeps you feeling shame. It's a mechanism that keeps you feeling not good enough. See, I'm not up to that image. See, it's not good enough. So it's serving a purpose because you may have familiarized the emotions of feeling not good enough, and maybe it also holds you back from taking action. And people will say the same thing about procrastination. Procrastination is serving you, absolutely. How does procrastination serve you? Well, it keeps you in familiar energy. It keeps you from taking action. It keeps you in the known. You may say, well, I don't want to be in the known. Well, you do want to be in the known because you're in the known. Subconsciously, you want to be in the known. So a big part of this is when you recognize, well, what I really want is I want to absorb and lean into the unknown and have the courage to do so. And that's when you start living in a new pattern. So your subconscious blocks of procrastination, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, perfectionism, these are all serving you. They're serving you to keep you in familiar energy to your past. So if when you were a kid, you felt like I'm not good enough, or you doubted yourself, or whatever the emotions were familiarized as a kid, if those are on autopilot, Well, how do you keep yourself subconsciously in that box of feeling, thinking, acting equal to that same emotions, those same energies? Well, you create this, you create these mechanisms, these ego mechanisms to keep you in the familiar. Now, here's the shift, by the way, for many of you watching. Here's the shift, are you ready? When we talk about these subconscious patterns, of self-sabotage, perfectionism, procrastination, and imposter syndrome, these are serving the purpose to keep you in familiar territory. They're ego preservation mechanisms trying to keep you safe. Now, the game-changing idea here for many people is when you recognize that it's your ego's way of saying safe. Now, these patterns are patterns. They are not you. You get that? Self-sabotage, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, procrastination are not you. They are patterns. And what happens is if we believe we are our patterns, we will stay stuck. So if you wanna become free of these 4 things, procrastination, perfectionism, self, you know, imposter syndrome and self-sabotage, become aware, oh, these things are serving me. I get a payoff from these. I get to stay where I'm at. I get to stay in my old story. Many times people say this, this I want, but Aaron, I want abundance. I want love. I want all these things. Well, in order to get those quote unquote things, What you need to do is let go of the story about being right about reality. Let this land. Because you may have a story that says, "No, subconsciously, this is how all men are. This is how all women are. This is only what I'm worthy of. I get to be right about reality." But you then get to be right about reality at the expense of happiness. So my question to you is, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right or would you rather be free? Not everyone wants to be free. They say they do. They say, I want to be free. I want to be free. but you also wanna be right about reality. You wanna be right that all men treat you this way or all women are this way or people don't, you know, you don't feel worthy or whatever it is because it justifies childhood. It justifies why you went through what you went through. And let's be honest, you get a dopamine high from it, don't ya? Don't you get a dopamine high from the drama of being like, See? Oh my gosh. When I used to work my 9 to 5 job selling women's shoes, I'd go into work every day and we had all these corporate politics, these managers that got away with a whole bunch of stuff because they were protected by upper management. And we'd all talk about how slow, it's so slow today. Oh my gosh, can you believe this happened? Can you believe that happened? It's like living in high school. And guess what? Oh, see, it's so right about reality. Yeah, this isn't fair. There's a payoff there. And see, every time, so how can this relate to someone else that maybe has relational issues or maybe dating issues? Yeah, see, I went on a date with this person and this happened. Oh my gosh, blah, blah, blah. You get to be right. What would you rather have? Would you rather have a whole bunch of people surrounding you and you're like, yeah, can you believe this happened, this happened, this happened? Everyone's like, you're so right. You're like, I know. "Oh, that's so crazy. You're so right about that." You're like, "Yeah, I know, I'm so right. I just feel—" But you stay in that little bubble with everyone around you going, "Yeah, you're right. That was so messed up. I can't believe that person did that." And you're getting these payoffs. You're like, "Yes, this is such like childhood. This is just what I remember." At the expense of being free. What if what you experienced when you were younger and the beliefs that you got We're just on autopilot. But what if they're incorrect? What if they're actually wrong? What if it's just such a small sliver of the reality that's out there? Because the truth is there's a lot of information and data around you at every moment. There is. There's billions of bits of information around you at any given moment, but you can only perceive of a very small sliver. And what if that very small sliver that you're aware of is just what is active within your field? It's what you believe to be true. It's what you get to be right about. You see, men are like this, women are like this, I am like this, authority is like this, I have to work this 9-to-5 job, but all these things— what if you started questioning all this? What if it's outdated? What if it's an outdated thing? For real, it's outdated. Why you got to keep living in it? Because it feels familiar. This feels so right. Yes, I feel this way. Remember, you can be right or you can be free. You can't be both. Yes, I can, Aaron. I want to be right and free at the same time. So often we give up the being free and being happy because we'd rather be right I remember one time this happened to me. I was on the way back from Hawaii with an ex-girlfriend of mine, and what happened is we were booking plane tickets and we're in this beautiful place of Hawaii on vacation, and we booked our plane tickets for going to LA, and when we booked them, What happened is we were both booking them at the same moment. And what happened is because her transaction went through first on Expedia or whatever it was, I like 2 seconds later pushed the button, but by then the price had increased. So it didn't go, the transaction didn't go through and it said, oh, I'm sorry, the price has been adjusted $300 more or something like that. And we wanted to get first class because at that time we were coming off like a month of travel or something like that. I don't remember, it's a long time ago. But anyways, I, for like an hour, I called Expedia. I was like, no, you don't understand. I was going to put through the transaction and now the price went from like this much to this much. It went up $300. This isn't fair, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, sorry, there's nothing we can do. It's with the airlines, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no. And then for like 3 hours after that, I was like, no, not even 3 hours. It was like an hour afterwards. I was like pissed. And I was like, this isn't fair. I gotta pay more, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you wanna know what I realized? I realized that I was giving up happiness to be right. I'm in beautiful Hawaii in a story, in this belief that things aren't fair because this thing happened. And that it wasn't that big of a deal. The $300 was not a big deal. I'm like, overall, it doesn't make a difference at all. Grateful to be in that space, but I'm just saying like it was more of the story that I was emotionally addicted to that was also helping me be right about reality, you see? And then when I let that, that freeing idea right there freed me up so much because I realized, oh my gosh, I'm trying to be right at the expense of happiness. Once I let it go, my energy changed. Within like, within 20 minutes, I felt so free. Because it was like, I don't have to be right about this. So in that same way, what other ways in your life are you giving up freedom and happiness to be right? You see, all men are this way. All women are this way. You see, and you have, you can, and in this funny little exaggerative like vision, you can have everyone around you going, oh my gosh, you're so right. Oh my gosh, you're so right. And you're like, I know I'm so right about this. But do you really want to be right? What if it's an outdated perspective? What if it's just a pattern? So remember, one of the biggest parts of this whole video is understanding that procrastination, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and self-sabotage are patterns that your ego is using to keep you in familiar territory, to keep you where you are. It's serving a purpose. It's getting you the same payoffs of feeling the same emotions that have been on autopilot since childhood. So now you know that, or now you're aware of that, or maybe you're becoming aware of that. The next step though is realize those are just patterns. You don't have to buy into them. You don't have to let them keep running you. Like if you're like, well, I'm a perfectionist and things need to be perfect, okay, Then a lot of times what happened is people maybe like wanna make videos on YouTube or they wanna put themselves out there or create art or whatever. And then you're normally like, it has to be perfect. Your breakthrough might just be making a piece of content and putting it out there, even if it's not perfect. And that action will bring up stuff for you, but then you realize, oh, this is a pattern. What is perfect? Because when you ask people these questions, what is perfect? There's no, like, subconsciously they believe they need to be perfect in order to be enough, but they don't even know what that perfect enough is because it's an abstract idea. Does this make sense? So a lot of this is just becoming aware of what your patterns are. Yeah, you want to be wrong about certain things. You want to be wrong if you believe all men are this way, all women are this way. It's like, what if, what if that's just a small sliver because it's familiarized energy of when you were a kid in that subconscious mind? And this, by the way, is what we're gonna be looking at in 2 weeks from today at the live event in Miami, in person or virtual. It's gonna be February 22nd, 23rd. Live meditations, live— we'll be doing breathwork, live meditations, and live coaching. If you want to join, just respond with the word Vortex, V-O-R-T-E-X. You can join from Zoom anywhere in the world with replays if you can't make it live, or you can join in person. You could fly out here. How fun would that be? Look at this. Look at that vibe. You can come out here. It's a pretty cool vibe, right? Let's see, you have questions, go and put in questions. Answer some questions. Let's see. Someone said something earlier when I was in a rant mode, but it was a decent question. Or was it? Yeah, so like when you think of the transformation, like a huge transformation, like when you think of the work by Byron Katie, how many of you have heard of that? It's 4 simple statements to freedom, basically. It's, is it true? Can you absolutely know that it's true? What do you think or feel when you believe that thought? And who would you be without it? 4 simple statements. But you see, the power in that comes, I believe, kind of on the third, when you realize, is it true? You'll realize almost everything you believe to be true is actually, could be seen in the opposite way. But the third thing is how do you respond when you believe that? Now, when you believe you are your thoughts or you believe this is how reality works, You're not really observing yourself of how you react when you believe that, and how you react when you believe that means it's just a pattern you're choosing to believe. And then who would you be without it is when you start to visualize yourself free of that pattern. Does that make sense? Someone says, I have a friend that doesn't remember his childhood. Any suggestions? It is not necessary to remember and to go into your childhood and to figure out every little thing that happened and what it could mean. You don't need to do any of that. I had a gentleman I was coaching yesterday and his breakthrough was literally just feeling into his body and feeling into his root chakra. There was a block there and he kept mentioning like there's some type of block put the energy there and he sat with it and there was this huge reservoir of energy that released and he felt so free afterwards. And it wasn't like this was just, I mean, there was a process of just like tapping into his inner child and like feeling and creating safety in that part of his body. But you can also use your body as a part of your subconscious mind. So you have an inner child, an inner self-image, an inner, these inner patterns, but also your body is a reflection of that subconscious mind. Putting the awareness in certain parts of your body is a way of connecting to that. And you don't have to intellectually understand all these things. In fact, a lot of times, a lot of different teachers mention that when it comes to like therapists and stuff, it's not necessary. It's almost can sometimes be a distraction to go back into the childhood and try to figure everything out. They can also be powerful though, just as subconscious, ways of connecting to that part of you, that image you have. Like, if you imagine the version of you, of what you'd be wearing at a certain time of your life, what outfits, what emotions you'd be feeling, it can be very powerful for connecting to that, but it's not necessary. Let's see. All right, looking for— if you have any questions, there's a Q&A section on the side you can put. Someone says, how to be more positive about opening an IG about prophecies when I know people don't like bad news. That's interesting. I think that's more of an internal process for you. Now, the reason I say that is when it comes to like, it's gonna sound somewhat judgmental in certain ways. And I talked about this in a prior one, but I believe that we collectively have a certain, we collectively together through the collective consciousness, this is a whole like the Maharishi effect. There is like a direction we're all going in collectively. Although I believe that a lot of times when there's certain conspiracy theories and like certain negative prophecies, it keeps people trapped into the fear of that reality. I believe there are many different timelines that exist, but when it comes to this whole starseed energy and all these other things, I think that a lot of times people get more overly carried away with it and they become a little bit less grounded than they could be because they're waiting for someone to save them sometimes, not always, but a lot of times they're waiting for ETs to give away free technology and all these other things that if would happen, then we'd be free. But it's also ways I think that we put our power outside of ourselves and it can sometimes be a distraction. That's my own judgment though. That's why I'm saying it's an internal process for you because if that's what you're passionate about, then great. But when you, like bad news, I mean, it's, I think there's a collective consciousness we're in. I think it really depends on, if that's your passion, that's one thing. But I think there are many different timelines that do exist and that it does get a lot of views, but it's like, I think it's sometimes, you know, like there is a market for it and there's a lot of people that do, you know, talk about things like that. But I don't know. I don't think I'm the best person to ask about that because I think that there's like this collective timeline that we all live in. But it's a lot of times I see these things and it's like you find what's meant for you in the moment, but also, It can be, it can be something that kind of puts you on a certain timeline. So it's, it's an interesting, interesting thing. I don't honestly, I don't have the answer to that. Let's see. In a romantic relationship or in a romantic relationship, how can we give and not give up on ourselves? So this is interesting. If you overgive in relationship, overgiving is a pattern where you are giving at the expense of yourself. And it's a pattern that's rooted in believing that your worthiness is based on that value, like doing that for other people. Does that make sense? So there's an imbalance of energy there. And what it also does communicate many times is the opposite of what you think it does. You think that if you overgive, you're gonna feel more worthy and people are gonna value you more. When in fact, when you overgive, people can sense that you're overgiving to compensate and it actually has a repelling effect. So the most powerful thing is when you can be kind, that's a different energy. Now kind is not attached to outcome. Nice is attached to outcome. It's a form of manipulation. This is also when you think of people pleaser, right?

A people pleaser is someone that's trying to please other people to get their own needs met so that they feel worthy, whole, and so that other people don't leave them. Now, the thing is, is it's manipulative. It's subconsciously manipulative. And what happens is when you're kind, there's no manipulation because there's no attachment to outcome. So what happens is you have to be aware of why and what you are giving and what your expectation is. Now, this doesn't mean don't give. It means be aware of why you are giving and what is the payoff you get from giving, and is it truly not attached to outcome? Because if it's not attached to outcome, it'll be a much more freeing energy. Does that make sense? Now you gotta also decide of, are you, one of the most powerful practices to realize you're not giving up on yourself, or like people ask sometimes, like how do you choose yourself? Choosing yourself is really about tapping into your own body when you're making choices. For example, if somebody asks you to do something that maybe you don't wanna do, or you're tapping, you're wondering, do I really wanna do this? Tap into your body. Do I really wanna do this? And then you act authentically. You say and express what you're actually feeling. When sometimes you might hold yourself back and abandon yourself, what you do is you actually express it. So that's another thing is a lot of times people will abandon themselves. Here's the funny thing about abandonment. Sometimes people may be in a relationship with someone and then someone may leave and then another person may not want that person to leave. And what happens is that person's like, "Oh, this person abandoned me." But what actually happened is that to even be in that relationship, many times you had to abandon yourself to be in it. There were aspects you knew subconsciously, maybe you weren't consciously aware, but you knew deep down, okay, maybe you're trying to piece this together to make it work. Or maybe you're telling yourself a lie or a story about it when something subconsciously does go up. So what happens is you abandon yourself to even be in the relationship, and then eventually someone else can only abandon you because you're abandoning yourself. Remember, people reflect back what you believe about you, and people reflect back the way you treat yourself. So if you love yourself, if you respect yourself, if you have boundaries with yourself and you're able to express this to other people, other people will feel that value off of you and respond to you in that way. And if they don't, that's your choice to continue being around them or not. Does that make sense? So understand that when it comes to what we're mentioning, the key to not abandoning yourself is tapping into your own body and to ask yourself these questions.

Your body knows.

Your body has an intelligence of its own. So with that being said, I am going to go eat. I'm hungry and go about my day. But I want to thank you all for being here. If you all want to join the Miami live event virtual ticket, you want a virtual ticket, you can respond Vortex, V-O-R-T-E-X. Other than that, let me know if you want me to do more of these. And as always, see you guys in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.

One of the most powerful videos for you to watch next is a video that I actually did of a clip at a live event in Los Angeles. I showed the difference between empath and narcissist energetically. I talk about how to actually heal as an empath, what's really going on on the inside, and I show you step by step how you can transform your life from the inside out as an empath. This is one of my most popular videos that I've done. It's also from a live event with over 200 people in the crowd. It was an awesome energy, and I'm gonna go ahead and put it right here. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both A superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side of the spectrum.