Let Them Choose You… Or Not

If you can see this video, what if your lesson for today is to let them, to let them be in their energy, to let them have their perspective, to let them be disappointed, and to let them feel whatever they feel. Maybe your job isn't to feel responsible for it or to feel like you have to at any level control it. What if there is freedom when you realize you can let them feel what they feel and you don't have to feel responsible for it? You see, often what happens is if as a kid, subconsciously, we felt like it was our responsibility to get other people to ease their tension, our responsibility that we can't disappoint people, our responsibility to get their validation or approval, then subconsciously what happens is we feel this weight and this burden and a certain level of control that goes into this process, a certain level of expectation. And what happens is when you let that go, when you are good either way, You're good either way, whether someone feels tension or not, because it's not your thing to manage. You feel good either way because you realize that it's, um, that also for some people might be the medicine they need. You ever think about that? Some people, their medicine may be for you to let them be in their energy and realize that they can manage it themselves. I remember growing up, it was like me being the eldest child, I felt responsible for my siblings. I felt responsible and like it was my job to be the peacemaker in the family. So what I would find myself is even as an adult, there was like this feeling of responsible for other people's emotions and then it was like the condition to love as a kid was if I get validation and approval, then I can feel love. So instead of focusing on deep connection and love, subconsciously, the connection is on that, that condition. But remember, you attract people into your life that reflect back the energy that's unresolved on the inside. So if you find yourself attracting people that are hard to please, that you don't want to disappoint, maybe the lesson or the key in there is to let them be. Now, here's the other thing I realized when I was trying to fix other people or not disappoint them. I was projecting onto them some level of brokenness or some level of like they can't figure this out themselves. Does that make sense? That's what happens a lot. Anybody that's a fixer that attracts certain people in their life, you might attract certain people into your life because there's an energy dynamic where what's happening is like almost like that identity of them being broken, it keeps them It keeps them in that energy, keeps enabling them. Does that make sense? So if you have questions about this, you can go ahead and put it in the Q&A section right to the side here. And this is what we're gonna be talking about. We're gonna be talking about like, how do you remove love blocks? How do you remove the blocks to feeling connected to other people? How do you embody magnetic energy and let go of the energy of control, which is repelling? And understand that this is a process that happens as you do the inner work inside of yourself, and also allow yourself to feel whatever emotions are coming up. Does that make sense? A lot of times we have emotions come up and it's like, see, think about it. That's kind of what's happening when you feel responsible for other people's emotions or energies. Emotions are coming up where you're feeling their disappointment. And to avoid feeling disappointment, the belief is I'm going to take it on from them fix them and alleviate their tension. But you see, the medicine is to let yourself feel what comes up instead of avoiding it and using, 'cause that's what's happening. There's a form of mild manipulation that is happening, guised as I'm being good. I am easing their tension because I'm a good person. And by easing their tension, I then ease the tension that is inside of myself because I can feel their tension because I am avoiding tension. What if your biggest insight is around allowing yourself to instead of avoid the tension of setting a boundary, instead of avoiding the tension of letting someone be disappointed, What if your biggest breakthrough was around letting that go and embracing the tension, embracing the tension that comes up? Because here's the thing, there's tension. Think about this. Here we go. You guys ready? The flow is coming. There's tension if you mitigate someone else's tension and you're not comfortable with them feeling tension and you take it on. Because you feel responsible, there's tension there, right? And you ease it. Then you feel like I'm in control because I can let go of that tension or mitigate, I can do something about it. Or you let go and you let them deal with their own tension and then you have the tension of that. One carries with it resentment, the other doesn't. Do you see this? With one, you may enable somebody else to deal with what's coming up for them instead of robbing them of that lesson and taking it on yourself. And with two, you allow yourself to not resent yourself because you're like, oh, I'm choosing me. I'm choosing to let them be in that energy. Does that make sense? Either way, there's tension. The growth is embracing it. The growth is when you allow it to be there. Yeah, let people be, let them, then let them energy. You could see this video, then it is time to remove the love blocks that are subconscious. It's time to understand your polarity, to remove the masculine or feminine shield that's literally blocking love. It's time to feel more secure in your own body and your attachment style so that you start to attract deep loving connections like a magnet. So if you want love to start chasing you because of the energy you're embodying, the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge is starting tomorrow. So you can go ahead and grab your spot by clicking the link below. We are gonna be beginning soon. It's a 21-day process that comes with live hot seat coaching, meditations, and teachings that help you to remove love blocks to become the most magnetic version of you. It's one of the most powerful ones I've ever done. People from the last one we did literally attracted their husbands and wives. It's been magical, and I can't wait to help you do the same. So with that being said, it's the last chance to join. You can grab your spot below. So someone says, "I would like to have more boundaries and be more confident in my dealings with people." Here is something, if you want to learn One of the most powerful ways to get respect from other people is to start respecting yourself. And one of the ways you do that is through setting boundaries. Now, there are two type of boundaries, and these will completely shift your life when you begin to learn the difference between them. Are you ready? One is external boundaries, okay? External boundaries. External boundaries is when you say to someone else and you verbally say, This is a boundary of mine. No, I won't go to that party. No, the way you're speaking to me, I'm not going to stand for. I'm going to walk away now. I have a boundary. That's an external boundary. Some people have blocks around external boundaries because to express yourself as a kid maybe wasn't safe, but external boundaries are a way to create safety. Now it's one way. Even more powerful than that is something called internal boundaries. Internal boundaries are where you become aware of what your beliefs around boundaries are. What are your beliefs around people? Do you believe that when you set a boundary, people will actually respect it? Your beliefs about boundaries and your beliefs about people, that's where the inner boundaries are. The ability to feel separation between you and other people, and if they feel tension, that's their tension, not yours. I've had to learn this even through running lots of live events where I run live events. Sometimes there's 100 or more people in the crowd, And back in the day, I eventually learned that I had to set boundaries at these live events because in between like sessions where I'm speaking, what would then happen is I would then like have like a 5-minute break to rest my voice or something. And what would happen is if I was, if people were coming up to me in between, like I speak for 2.5 hours, need a little bit of a break, People would come up and ask questions and stuff, and I'd be like knowing I need to take a break and rest my voice and like go off to the side. And for a while I felt like I couldn't, I felt responsible and I felt like it was mean or bad to like set a boundary. Eventually what I did is I would set boundaries in the beginning of every live event. And what happened is, what I recognized is that there would always, I always had this story and belief that there's always 1 or 2 people that don't listen to that. And that I have to set boundaries verbally again with. And what I recognized was that I had, I believed that, I expected that, and because I believed and expected that, that was the inner boundary where then I was realizing I was projecting onto other people that energy. So even though I would set external boundaries at live events, my internal boundaries where I still expect some people not to listen to that. I still expect that I'm gonna have to say it verbally again. And then I would get frustrated with that, but I was frustrated with really the past version of me or the inner child part of me that felt like my boundaries weren't respected. So what I did is I had to heal that energy, let that go, and then I just had this expectation that every live event I do, people respect it. It's a different energy I carry because I also know that even if they don't, it's okay. I just might have to say and express it, but I do it in a like a non, in like an almost a neutral way. Does this make sense? I know this is kind of weird to talk about on like a live like this 'cause of whatever. Do you guys see the difference there? Inner boundaries is your beliefs about people and your expectations of people And outer boundaries is your external expression of a boundary that you have. Some people can be like, I'm gonna set, I just need to set external boundaries. You said this and I felt this way. Don't do this. I say no to going to the party. Okay, you've set external boundaries, but do you feel guilty about that? What are your beliefs about other people? Do they actually listen? Do they respect it? It's funny how even running live events, the energy that's expected into the group has a very powerful effect on how the group acts and is. So back in the day, I would have this, it's not even a boundary, but like I remember back in the day, there was this belief about people at live events where I say, okay guys, we're gonna come back at 2 o'clock from lunch. Everyone's gonna be in their seat at 2 o'clock. So that we can get started again. And what would happen is for a few events, what would happen is people would kind of, and it's good, like people are social, they're talking to each other, et cetera. So it's like a really good thing that this is happening. But then I'm like, I'd be like, okay, we're gonna start. And there was this belief that people weren't gonna like, they're gonna take a long time to get back to their chairs. That's like the inner boundary example where I was projecting onto other people, not expecting them to be in their chair. Not expecting them to be in alignment with their word in a way, 'cause on the first day, one of the group rules is timing. We show up whenever we say we're gonna show up 'cause that's integrity. But do you guys see the difference? I know this is interesting for me to share because it's like about, it's more of like an inner workings with live events and stuff. But here's the thing, people conform to your expectations. And if you expect people to cross your boundaries, They will. If you expect people to be on time, now there's a difference between expectation and like, here's the tricky thing about this. If you, I expect people to be on time, this is my boundary. And if you are late, we're gonna have problems, bro. But the expectation, if there, it's like the expectation has to have no attachment to the outcome. It's normal for you to agree to be somewhere and for people to show up on time. And if you have to say, hey, I've been waiting for 10, 15, 20 minutes or something like that, you can say it and be vulnerable, but not like with this heavy energy. Do you guys see the difference here? So a lot of the work that I do that I talk about on my channel and that I talk about with what I'm sharing is about one, allowing yourself to feel the emotion that comes up and instead of trying to avoid it, instead of trying to like, you know, like what we started this video with, right? Let them, let people to be disappointed. Let them sit with that tension. It's not your thing to manage. And by letting them sit with that tension, you don't take on that tension. You might feel tension with letting them sit with tension. You're gonna feel tension either way. You're either gonna take on their responsibility and you're gonna feel responsible for their energy and you're gonna try to manipulate them so that you could feel better about yourself. I know that's hard to think about, by the way, 'cause a lot, this is where you can break free though, because people that are afraid of other people feeling tension, they feel like it's good to ease people's tension. Your breakthrough is to stop being good. Stop being good and start being authentic. How about that? How about that? Stop being good if it was good to abandon yourself, if it was good to take on other people's responsibility or attention. Instead of being good, focus on being authentic and real and know that there is power in letting people deal with what comes up for them. Does that make sense? Does that resonate? How do you connect with others without worrying what they think of you? You understand that it's not your job to manage what they think of you. You connect with others knowing that some people will like you, Some people will not like you. It's okay. Think of it like a magnet. You have a magnet, it attracts and it repels. Like you ever had a magnet where you flip it around and then it repels like something else? A magnet both attracts and repels. And you could even see that the more attraction there is, there's also more of a repellent energy. That's called polarity. And polarity is magnetic. Polarity is attractive. So when you accept that and you realize that you don't want everyone to like you, you, you might think you do, but think about that. Do you really want everyone to like you? Do you really want to attract everyone? No. If you did a thought experiment and you imagined walking down the street and just everyone liking you, everyone coming up to you, everyone flaunting over you, you'd be like, that would feel so good. But validation and approval is different than love and connection. So think about that. Let's ask that question again. How do you connect with other people without worrying if they like you. Understand this, connecting with other people and love is different than validation and approval. They're different. Validation and approval can come with strings and it's a substitute for love and connection. And because as a kid, the conditions to feeling love and connection may have been If I get validation and approval of mom or dad, then I can feel love and acceptance within myself. So if we're searching for the condition, then what happens is that's different than love. Connecting with others is really about accepting yourself and letting them either like you or dislike you. You have to be okay with either way. And when I say okay with either way, I mean non-attached. Let them like you, let them unlike you, let them not like you. It's the same thing with feeling chosen. People that want to feel chosen have a subconscious desire to feel chosen, and they may even be like, my rule is this person will choose me. But here's the thing, you can't really let someone choose you unless you let them choose you or not choose you. What's so bad about someone not choosing you? Now in the mind it's like, well, if they don't choose me, then there's like this inner child stuff that can come up. But what if you let it be okay that they choose you or not choose you? Instead of avoiding the rejection, embrace it. Embrace the rejection. Yeah, exactly. They won't choose you until you choose yourself. In a moment, we'll talk about what it means to choose yourself. So does that make sense? So you connect with other people, connection and love is different than validation and approval. So let them like you, let them not like you. Understand it's a natural part of the process. Of like individuation is like accepting it and letting it. What's so bad? Like, can you let mom or dad be disappointed? Let them. Isn't it funny that the disappointment that they feel is their disappointment, not yours, right? And I say that because what happens is if we felt like we were afraid to disappoint mom or dad, we'll then find people in our life that we don't wanna disappoint because we're replaying that same childhood pattern from when we were a kid. Does that make sense? Someone says, how can I stop attracting avoidants? So what you're asking is you keep attracting avoidant attachment style people. Now, first off, my question to you is what payoff do you get around attracting avoidance? Now you hear that and you say, Aaron, there's no payoff. I don't like it. I don't wanna attract avoidant people that are like leaning away from love that I feel like I have to prove myself against. But you see, you think you don't want it, but subconsciously it might be what's familiar. It might be familiar to be in avoidant anxious attachment patterns. Once again, if you think about it in a way, that avoidant attachment trap is kind of similar to instead of the love and connection, it's similar to that validation approval type trap where it's not really love, it's like the conditions to love. So it's like, am I hot, cold? Like trying to tune yourself to someone else. Childhood pattern do you get to stay in by attracting avoidant people? Do you get to be right about reality where all men or all women are avoidant? They're not doing the work. Maybe there's familiarized emotion there around needing or leaning in. That's one of the strategies as a kid, leaning into love. So one of the things to realize is that first off, you attract avoidance because also you are attracted to them. If you met an avoidant person, well, you start to see more red flags the more you start to integrate this. You start to like, it gets to a point to where, it's funny 'cause you'll get to a point to where you don't care one way or the other whether you attract them or not, and that's when you'll be in your power because you'll be able to tell in the moment and be like, oh, this is, 'cause if you're like, I don't wanna attract avoidant men or women or whatever, I don't wanna attract avoidance, that energy's inside of you and it's like a focus. So then you attract it. It's like when you're good either way, but also when you begin meeting your own inner child and soothing, hearing, seeing, and nurturing the anxious inner child part of you, you may begin to feel more calm in your nervous system. Does that make sense? And when you start feeling more calm in your nervous system, you might then start looking for someone else that resonates with that calm nervous system. People that are in the anxious avoidant trap, many times they like the thrill of the high highs and the low lows subconsciously. But see, sometimes people with anxious attachment styles will meet somebody else that actually sees them and actually can like be with them in that way, but they may literally not feel attracted to them because they're not playing out the same game, the same, thing they're used to. A lot of times I'll ask people with anxious attachment style, like they'll realize that they have people that are attracted to them. They just want nothing to do with them. Yeah, but I don't want them. I want the avoidant over there. If I could gain the approval of that avoidant person over there, then I can feel good about myself. It's dopamine. Dopamine. I want dopamine. Is that love or is it dopamine? Is it dopamine or is it love? Dobby, I talk like Dobby now. Dobby. Is it love? Is it love or is it dopamine? So when it comes to how do I stop attracting avoidance, the question you have to ask yourself is are you attracted to people that reflect back a calm regulated nervous system or are you attracted to the dopamine and the high highs and the low lows of trying to prove yourself to someone that has an avoidant attachment style? Which one feels familiar to childhood? Because if it feels familiar to look for the high highs and the low lows, you might interpret that as love and connection when really it's the thrill and aliveness you feel through fight or flight. You just want survival. I know survival. A lot of people might be trying to attract love from survival. Just want to survive, fight, flight. This feels familiar. Who do I need to be to get your love and approval? Daddy, daddy. Who do I need to be? Why am I talking like Dobby now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So a lot of, there's a couple days in the Magnetic Love Challenge, by the way, that are on anxious and avoidant attachment styles and how to lean in to begin to become more secure. That's a whole theme part of the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge. So like I said, it's the last chance to join. If you guys do wanna join, we're gonna be starting soon. You just type in magnetic, I'll send you the invite. And that's how you, that's how, how do you stop attracting? And then also what are the payoffs you get if you're with like all men or all women are avoidant? You get to be right about reality sometimes. You get to be right about reality. And some people would rather be right about reality than to like, that's certain. People like certainty. That's the game I know. And then it's uncomfortable. And see, what happens is when somebody can actually love you or see you in a certain way or appreciate you, that may literally feel unfamiliar to your nervous system. And then you say, ew, or you get the ick. Why? 'Cause it's unfamiliar. So let's be honest. What's familiar to you is the trying to prove yourself energy, the fight or flight energy. The survival energy. And what's unfamiliar might be love and connection, vulnerability, opening your heart, actually expressing how you feel. A lot of times anxious attachment style people are afraid of feeling, are afraid of expressing their emotions because they don't wanna get rejected. They're afraid of showing that energy. Your breakthrough might be around actually expressing it. Does that make sense? Tommy, Tommy. Does that make this sense? See, we're talking about magnetic, we're talking about magic, talking about Dobby from Harry Potter. It's all connected. Dobby. Let's see what is, let's see. Okay, someone says, hi, a crush I thought was my twin flame apparently getting married. It's a tough time. Any advice? What do you suggest? Oh my gosh, your twin flame. Your twin flame is getting married. It's a tough time. Yeah. I think the twin flame ideology is a very codependent thought process that keeps you in familiar energy, believing that someone else is the other half to your soul. There, I said it. I think there's a lot of concepts in the spiritual community that we have around soulmates and twin flames that keeps you tied to somebody and it keeps you disempowered and tied to their energy. And because it keeps you tied to their energy, it keeps you disempowered. A lot of times that is more so trauma bond, by the way. It's more so of a trauma bond than it is some other half to your soul. So the belief system might be partially what's keeping you tied up. Does that make sense? Your interpretation of it. What is the emotions that's coming up through your interpretation of this experience? 'Cause if you believe someone else is the other half to your soul, if you were really in unconditional love of this person and you are really their twin, they're the other half to your soul, Let them, let them do what's best, what they believe is best for them in this moment. Let them. That's unconditional love. What if, let's, let's say, let's play hypothetical here. That's your twin flame. That's the other half to your soul. And here you are believing that they're doing what they're not supposed to do and not happy about what they're doing. And there's a condition there. If you would just break up with your getting married thing and be with me, then I would be happy. Trying to control, is that really unconditional love? Remember, this is the other half to your soul. This is like, you are like half of a heart and they are the other half of the heart. And instead of letting that part of you be in unconditional love, there's a condition. You are putting the condition onto your twin flame instead of letting them be, if that is actually your twin flame. Yeah, I'm just playing according to the ideology that you're laying down. You're like, this is my twin flame, they're getting married and now it sucks. Let them. If they really are your twin flame, unconditional love, let them be. Let them go through their journey. And now I say that though, and you might be like, yeah, I'm gonna let them go and then they're gonna realize my sense of worth. No, that's your inner child stuff that you can begin looking at. I'm sorry to say it. I'm not gonna be here and be pretending like, no, that is the other half to your soul. You are an incomplete human. You are incomplete, but you will be complete if your twin flame comes around. This is where we get to own the childhood energy that comes up. 'Cause this might be just a way for you to feel not good enough and a way for you to feel, prove I'm worthy. This person's just not realizing how worthy I am. No, this is the inner child stuff for you to look at. Some of these spiritual ideas, I think, get us caught up out of the feeling, healing. Let yourself feel what's coming up right now too. The twin flame belief system keeps people in what's called limerence. Wanting, wanting, wanting, obsessing over someone, believing that they're the other half to their soul. You can become free by letting them do what they do and owning that that might just be an energy that's subconscious that you can begin owning. Let the pain come up. Let the energy be there. You see what I mean? So maybe that's not what you wanna hear, but I'm not interested in just telling you what you wanna hear. I am interested in you breaking free. That excites me more. I don't have the condition that you have to break free, by the way. See, I'm gonna let you take that for what it is or not. Maybe it doesn't resonate and you're like, nope, it's my twin flame, Aaron. I'm gonna show up to the wedding and be like, does anyone object? I'm gonna be like, yes, I'm your twin flame. I'm your twin flame, I object. I'm the other half to your soul. No, let them get married. Unconditional love is letting them, let them go on their journey and recognize that you came here to learn you are your own twin flame. You can still be in a relationship with other people. I'm not saying just love yourself. You still love other people, but the degree to which other people can love you is connected to degree to which you love yourself. So anyways, anyways, you guys get some stuff out of today? So the Magnetic Love Challenge is starting very soon. The last chance to join if you're hearing this right now. And then a lot of people that joined the last one, it was the biggest one we've ever done. We had 4,000 people in it, many of which people afterwards attracted love, had huge insights. Read what's on the page to see what's possible. Anyways, thank you guys for being here and as always, I'll see you guys in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.