LET THEM MISS YOU, Let Go & Let the Universe Work It Out

When we're attached, what we do is we create resistance. And this resistance is dependent on how someone else is responding or not responding to our own energy. Now, one of the most attractive things you can do is to actually bring your energy back. Instead of projecting them and sending it to them, bring it back to you. So in this video, I'm gonna do something different that I haven't done before. I'm actually gonna go through some articles that I have found on how to make them miss you. And I'm gonna show you how to do this in a way that is energetically actually healthy and how not to do it in a way that is manipulative, but also hopefully show you how and why letting go is the most magnetic thing you can possibly do so that you can also get in your own frame, create happiness from the inside out versus trying to even seek seek it on the outside to begin with. Now, let me first off say that with this whole process, I have been through a huge, like one of the biggest challenges in my own life over the last 3 to 5 years has been letting go of past relationships. There was for sure, I think like a version or a part of like needy codependency that I had where I had more of an anxious attachment style where I would find myself either trying to fix the partners I would with or I would try to gain their love and approval, or I thought that like if I could fix them and get them feeling a certain way, then that would make me indispensable and they would always stick around. And this was stuff that stemmed from childhood as well. We tend to also attract partners into our life that replay childhood dynamics. And it's because that feels familiar. Another word for familiar is familial. So it's like what feels familiar and safe and comfortable for us is also something that feels normal and comfortable for us. So in this video, I wanna kind of explain what you can actually do to make someone or to let someone miss you, not make them miss you. There's a big difference in those words there. If you're gonna let someone miss you, it's because you have let go of the outcome and you're being like in your own frame. You're not projecting energy at them to see what they're doing, how they're thinking, are they coming back yet? It's more of like something you've let go of. But when you're trying to make someone miss you, that's manipulation. That's like saying like, the frame that that comes from is, I'm not good enough, but if you would come in my life, then I would feel good enough. And if I could just get you to think a certain way, or to, if I could like take my energy back when it doesn't feel maybe natural to do so, but it will get me the result that I want, then it's worth it. And that's the funny thing with this too, is with this whole dynamic, it's trying to control a relationship, trying to control how someone else feels. And the thing with letting them miss you, letting go, letting the universe work it out, is that it really requires a trust in the universe and a trust in God and a trust in source, whatever we wanna call it, a trust in your life. And when you let go, I promise you will be more attractive. There's this quote that I was looking at a little bit ago. It says, "Because the brightest, the boldest, the most attractive quality a person can possibly possess is being utterly in love with their own lives." And also I'd add to that, being the most authentic versions of themselves because it's who they are. Not because of what it will get them. So the goal also with this video is to in a way help, let's like remove the energy back from like us trying to get something and let's put it, because that's also a means to an end. It's like, I'm gonna do this way, I'm gonna be this way, which is also people pleasers a lot of times. A lot of times we'll be a people pleaser because if I'm a people pleaser and I'm, and I'm mitigating tension and I'm being the way you want me to be and I'm not setting boundaries, then you're gonna like give me this validation and you're gonna see me as a good person because to be a bad person would not be good. So it's all manipulation. And the thing, and the one thing I wanna really show you how to do is how to take your energy back and how to be attractive because it's who you actually are. And that's what we're gonna be doing in today's episode. So the keys to attraction and to magnetic energy is you being in your own frame. That's it. You being in your own energy and you being yourself. It's one of the most annoying things you can hear when you like are, I remember for a while I was studying a lot of like dating, like dating material and stuff. And like, you know, it was a lot of it was about let the men initiating and putting their vulnerable desires out there and like going up to somebody and like having that conversation. And one of the most annoying things you'll hear is just be yourself. And it's like, well, what do you mean by be myself? How do I be myself? Who am I? Or the thing is, is when we're trying to be someone else because we hope someone will like us if we are that way, that's not really being ourself. The answer really is to be yourself. But the key is, do you have the courage to really be the real you? Because when you have the courage to be the real you, you are going to naturally polarize certain people from wanting to be in your life. And then also you will polarize people from avoiding wanting to be in your life. And that's a good thing. That is a good thing because then you're really being the real you. Why? Not because it's gonna get you the love, it's gonna get you the attraction, but because it's who you are. And I will tell you that anytime I felt attached to somebody else, the more attached I am, the more I resist that energy and the more it literally repels them to go away. But the more I have let go, The more that thing either boomerangs back or the more I get my own frame, like the only good things happen when you let go. So the key to this is really letting go because you realize that it's also, that's the key to your own happiness. That when you let go, you become free. And as you let go, they will miss you. That is a side effect of it, but it's not the goal because otherwise you're letting go so that they do miss you, which isn't really letting go. That's like a conditional letting go rather than letting go because that is like, it's an end of itself. Does that make sense? So let's go, I'm gonna go through this little article real quick. Let's see, where am I going? How to make them, where is it? I just had this cool article. Okay, make, how to make him miss you, commit in 7 proven steps. All right, here we go. So let me scroll down and says how to make him miss you psychology. As we all know by now, human beings need community. We are social creatures that need each other. And more specifically, we need close connections. Let me go down. Now, when does a man start to miss you? In short, a man starts to miss you when he feels like you are slipping through his fingers. Let's face it, the male psychology is built on attraction, but attraction is fueled fueled by scarcity. Therefore, a man's attraction and desire for you rises and falls with how much he has access, he believes he has to you. If he feels like there is a hurdle he needs to overcome before he can get your undivided love and attention, he'll be intrigued and go the distance. However, if he feels like you are available to him, no matter how much effort he puts in, he will start to lose interest because there is no challenge. A man likes to pursue a woman. So make him miss you and commit. How to make him miss you. One, stop initiating contact. Okay, so this, what's interesting about this article is I think there's certain fundamental parts of it that are somewhat true, that do somewhat work. But at the same time, I think that some of the frame in it is still based on manipulation. It's like, Yes, here's the interesting thing about attraction and even like studying the dating material. You can, like in the dating material, first off, there's this thing that is an old school, like what'd you call it, pickup books, right? Or like men wanna learn how to pick up chicks so they read these books. And one of the things that's well known is something called the negging. Negging is pretty much when a dude gaslights someone he's trying to date, right? So it's like, oh, you like that thing you're wearing? Hmm, I don't know about that. And then they feel all insecure and self-conscious. So then they look up to somebody. And the idea is too, like maybe a very attractive, that's why I'm saying this is all manipulation, right? Maybe like an attractive person are used to someone always hitting on them. So when somebody starts bullying them or being mean to them, it's like, they immediately say, this person's different. This person must have more value. Now, it is true that maybe you can neg someone and gaslight them, and then they're gonna like you more, or at least like they're gonna be more intrigued 'cause it ups your value, but you're pretty much feeding and playing on their own. You're literally playing and feeding on their own trauma. It's like they crave the validation, the love, or the, of the masculine. So it's like, if I don't give that, then that will trigger them into response. But if you lead with manipulation, then you're, it's inauthentic. And you're only gonna attract people that actually have that wound that you actually then have to deal with or like bounce off of. Does that make sense? So yes, you can attract people with manipulation, but realize that it's not, you're not actually attracting people from a high vibrational place. You're not attracting people from having a full cup. You're attracting people based on scarcity. Basing that on scarcity is also assuming that there is only a scarce amount of love in the world. Now, the real thing that you would wanna focus on if you are too available for someone is you wanna ask yourself, am I too available for someone because I'm being codependent and I want their love or approval? Or am I more so focused on also filling up my own cup and being in my own frame? Do you see like the difference there is one is based on, there's a difference between emotional availability and codependency. And sometimes we might confuse them. So whereas if you are being emotionally available for someone and it's authentic and it's healthy because you're also taking your own needs into consideration, then what you'll find is if somebody doesn't resonate with that and he does slip through your fingers, that's not a bad thing. You're literally weeding someone else that might only respond to the manipulative tactics. And maybe they want the dopamine hit of somebody who's there and then not there and that they have to like constantly fight for. So one thing you wanna be aware of with this with yourself is what is, my energy coming forth here? Is it that I'm codependent and I want their approval or their validation? Or am I just emotionally available and I also feel confident within my own self? The difference is you don't need it. You don't need their approval and validation. And realize if you express your true desires and you become vulnerable and they don't like it or they aren't for it, they will weed out, but that's a good thing. That's what you wanna be aware of here too. So for myself, I could tell you that one thing that really opened up love in my own life was I felt blocked. I felt, I think, a level of shame. I felt like I wasn't good enough. That may have stemmed from childhood. And I realized that in a relationship that I was kind of in, kind of not in, I was being inauthentic in the way that like I wasn't really expressing my true desires. So one thing I did is I had a very vulnerable conversation. I said, listen, this is how I really feel. This is what I really want. And it felt so freeing for me to have that convo. And in a way, it kind of gave an ultimatum in the dynamic. But then what happened is the relationship wasn't chosen, but guess what? Then I was clear. I hadn't lost anything. And I knew that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't good enough. I knew that I was being the real me and I was being vulnerable. So then I moved on. And then what happened is, as I was dating, like single and I was dating, The other key was once again for me to be vulnerable, for me to open up my heart, for me to open up and stop judging like people I was going on dates with and stuff like that. And as I kept being vulnerable, showing my true intentions, my true desires of like me wanting to go out with somebody, it was a completely new level of dating because people could see the real me. But when you try to hide things from shame or we feel like we're not good enough, we'll remain in this manipulative type tactic where we're trying to manipulate people that we're dating and we're trying to get someone to miss us. You know, the key to this is not focusing on trying to get someone to feel pain because we feel pain. The key to this is being the real you and being vulnerable, opening up your heart, maybe being emotionally available and knowing that if they do leave, then that's on them, not you. We're not trying to attract people based on manipulative energy. Does that make sense? So that's one thing it says. So it says stop initiating contact. That's, and I would say that that is, that can be powerful for you to just make a rule. And even when you're, if you're moving on and your goal is to let go of a past relationship, one thing that I had to do is I had to completely mute and like not engage in social media to like look at someone's, you know, like an ex's profile or anything, because I knew it would suck me back into like the thoughts and like the loops. So one thing I did is I stopped, I made a rule with myself and I made a deal that I wasn't gonna go on there. For some people that might mean blocking or unfollowing or muting. For me, it just meant muting. I just muted it so I didn't see, because it's still someone that's like a great friend of mine. but it did make it a lot easier. So if you wanna realize that your thought energy, that when you are thinking about somebody, you are literally sending them energy that they can feel. Now, the thing is, is if you're consistently thinking about someone, even if you're not reaching out to them and actually physically doing it, it's like they can feel that projection of energy. And if you are projecting energy at them, What happens is they feel that and they many times will resist, especially if it feels like it's manipulative, it's trying to control them. So one thing you wanna do is you want to reel your energy back. When you reel your energy back and you make the choice that you're going to go into your own frame, you're going to do what you love, it's a completely different energy. I started moving my energy that I was prior putting into a past relationship, I started putting it into my purpose. I started putting it into doing what I love. And it's like then what happened is the energy completely shifted. And normally what will happen when you begin to take your energy back is they may feel it, but I don't even really wanna say that because if I say that, then it's like, okay, well, I'm gonna do it then. I'm gonna do what Aaron's saying. And as I take my energy back, then they're gonna miss me more. And that's the goal. That's not the goal. The goal is for you to take your energy back and for you to be in your own frame and for you to love your life. And yes, they may as a side effect miss you, but you have to let them miss you by not trying to think of them over and over and over again and trying to control the situation. So here's a good piece of advice from this article though. It says, become your own best friend. That's something that I do think is good. I think if you become and you start loving yourself more, you will then attract people into your life that can also see that level of love inside yourself. As I started, I had blocks for a long time, even though, you know, it's funny, I'm like on YouTube, I have all this social clout and all of this stuff. But I remember talking to a friend of mine that's also like a dating coach. And he would tell me, he's like, "Dude, you're like a ninja at talking yourself out of dating." Because I'd have all these rules. And it was really what it boiled down to is I just didn't know my own worth. I didn't know my own sense of value. So what happened is I would like see myself and I had a low sense of self-worth despite all the external success, despite the fact that I'm abundant, I have all this social media clout and all that stuff. It didn't make a difference because under that, maybe under that too was like me trying so hard to be successful and to get a lot of YouTube subs and stuff because it would fill the hole that I felt that 'cause I felt like I wasn't worthy or I wasn't good enough. So one thing I had to do is I had to get down to the root of realizing my own sense of worthiness. But I realized that that meant that I had to become aware that I felt I was unworthy. And one of the reasons I felt I was unworthy was because I had a level of shame growing up that was tied around having like my parents go through their own stuff, but like emotional unavailability. And the crazy thing was that I was attracting, I was emotionally, here's the thing, I was attracting emotionally unavailable people because that felt normal and familiar to me, that felt safe to me. But the reason I was attracted emotionally unavailable people was because I was emotionally unavailable. If somebody would've came to me and actually been emotionally into me, I may have not even been attracted to them back in the day. And that's the biggest difference between, Heather, my girlfriend, is she's so emotionally available. She's so nurturing. But back in the day, it would've probably scared me because I wouldn't have been open. My heart wouldn't have been that open. And I would've been like, why is she? You know, have you ever felt like that? Maybe, maybe like somebody's liked you, had interest in you and you're like, why? Why would they actually like me? Why would they actually wanna be around me? And the thing with some of my past relationships was that it felt safe to be in that dynamic because I, at a certain level, had to get honest with myself and realize that I was emotionally unavailable. And because of that, it was an attachment style issue. The attachment theory has to do with understanding our attachment to whether we are anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or secure attachment. And the difference is that anxious attachment leans in for love, normally felt like it lacked love and nurturing growing up, so they lean in to try to get it, to try to control it. Avoidance normally had trust that was broken growing up. So they say, yeah, it's safer if I'm individual, it's safer if I don't lean into this love. So they lean back from love. And then secure is able to receive and give love equally. So it's like the goody two shoes over there. But a lot of codependent and needy energy will emanate from this avoidant anxious trap. And the thing that would really help is getting to the core of it to realize that if you're trying to make someone miss you, it's probably playing on that unhealthy dynamic. And for me, it was like, there was definitely like, I wanted someone to view me a certain way. I wanted to be indispensable. So if indispensable, indispensable. So if I could like add value to them and try to fix them, I would then feel worthy and I would then make it so like they could never leave. You know, and that's like a red flag, right? I could see how manipulative I used to be with this kind of energy. And the thing that I want to encourage you to look at is to look at and to be honest with yourself, why are you, are you being codependent or are you being emotionally available? Because there's a big difference. And the question that you wanna ask is like, where's that energy coming from? Is it coming from my energy is full or does it come from a need? I need someone else's validation. I need someone else's love. I need someone's support. And to make them actually miss you, it's going to require you not to make them at all, to let them miss you. It's gonna require you to take your energy back. Now there's this other quote, this other article that I like. It's by an author named Mark Manson. Mark Manson wrote a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck." I might eventually get him on my podcast. Maybe like this video or comment below if you want me to get Mark Manson on my podcast. But he has an article called like how to, there's an article that's like how to let go. But he also has an article about how to get over someone and move on with your life. But one thing he talks about a lot is why losing a relationship hurts so much. And that's like one of the sections of this article. And the reason is because relationships form the basis of meaning in our lives. So think of it, everything in our life has no built-in meaning other than the meaning we get it. But then we meet somebody that we have some type of connection with, some type of meaning with. And a lot of times then we get tied up with stories. We're like, this person is meant to be this in my life and I feel this way and it's the only one that's meant for me. And we create a great degree of pressure and then like trying to force it to work. But what happens is when we think about losing that person, we're literally losing the meaning that we've given to them. And if we think that they are the thing, they are the meaning, then we're literally gonna feel like we're losing a part of ourselves. But when we realize that relationships in our lives, the meaning is the basis of it, it changes a lot because then we realize that if you're afraid of losing someone, you're afraid of losing the meaning, but realize you have the meaning to begin with. That the meaning itself is something that you create and you give in your life because it's a neutral thing. Like if you found out, you know what's funny is we tell ourselves a story and a lot of times as well with the past relationships, it talks about it in this article and I found it to be true. You know, we remember the good. If you're thinking about an ex, you probably remember all the good things, even though there may have been a lot more bad things than good. Maybe there was a lot more challenges than good, but especially as an anxious attachment pattern, you'll look at all, you'll remember only the good stuff. Whereas the avoidants normally only remember the bad stuff. But you only remember the good stuff and you take these little memories up and you blow them up and then you forget how challenging it may have been or how toxic it may have been. But getting honest with yourself and realizing that you're seeing the relationship through this filter of like this halo Makes it a lot easier for you to get honest with yourself. But getting over someone and making or letting them miss you means that you have to take that meaning back and you have to put it in something new. And that new thing, sometimes what people do to get over someone is they take the meaning away and they put it in someone else. That's, I don't think, the right answer or the healthiest answer. There's no right or wrong here, but it's not the healthiest answer. Instead, take that meaning back and put it into yourself. Fill up your own cup. Focus on not only filling up your own cup, but like, are you doing what you're passionate about? 'Cause I'll tell you this, you will always attract an equal reflection of who you are in your life. When I was working a 9-to-5 job I hated, I only dated women that were also working 9-to-5 jobs they hated. When I started doing what I love, I only would attract relationships from people that do what they love. You will always attract an equal reflection. And if you're not being the true authentic version of you and you're trying to manipulate someone else, you're only gonna attract someone that's also gonna try to manipulate you. So if you're trying to make them miss you, you'll find somebody that will also have that manipulative kind of dynamic there where it's a codependent thing. 'Cause if you're trying to make them do anything, it's because you feel like you don't have it already. So you try to, in a way, like manipulate the circumstance and control. But one of the most powerful things I think that you can do for this whole thing is to realize the truth that relationships are built on the foundation of meaning. And then realize that maybe you've had an amazing relationship with someone, or maybe it wasn't so amazing, but you learned something from it. And it's giving you contrast for what you really want in a relationship. And also realize there are 7 billion people or more, like 8 billion people out there in the world. What we do is we get this one person, we put them on a pedestal, and we tell ourselves a story that this is the only thing that we need to make work and we need to make it work and we need to do all this stuff and we create enormous amount of pressure. They feel that pressure because whatever we feel is being projected out and they feel that. And then it makes them back off. If you would take that energy back, if you would take that back, then what you would find is that then they wouldn't feel it as, not only would they not, you would just be taking your energy back to yourself and you can literally put it in your own life because it's energy. It really is energy. I remember like having trouble, like when I was anxious and having trouble sleeping over past relationships and stuff, It was a thing that was draining my energy. But when I started putting the energy back in myself and creating boundaries and going after my purpose, my passion, all of a sudden there was like a new zest for life. It's very interesting how it works. So that's one thing that you want. That's like a healthier way that you can get and become more aware of your own energy and where you're putting it. The other, let me see, what else do I have here that I wrote down a whole bunch? So yeah, it's meaning, loss of meaning. So yeah, the practical steps that you can do from this is one thing is take the energy away from attention on them, not because then they're gonna want you and they're gonna feel that you've retracted your energy and you're gonna manipulate them. Take the energy away and just put it back in yourself. Realize your own sense of self-worthiness. Maybe even like kind of, if you can, look at some of your childhood dynamics. I can see that when I was a child, I had a lot of shame. Shame is an emotion that says I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. And therefore I attracted people and relationships in my life that would reflect that there's something wrong with me. Someone's not choosing me in my life in a relationship, why? Because I'm not good enough. That's the only reason, right? But really, that's a familiar pattern that I was used to growing up. Because having an emotionally unavailable parent growing up, it's not their fault, but here's the thing. Growing up as kids, we internalize everything. If mom or dad is emotionally unavailable, being emotionally unavailable, we think it's because of me. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy enough. There's something wrong. So what we do is we then create this narrative that says it must be because I'm not good enough. So I must be, maybe if I become a people pleaser, then I will finally get the love and validation that I crave. And we start making these new like identity parts of ourselves. But the thing that I had to become aware of is that my parents divorced when I was 5, wasn't my fault. My mom going through a lot of stuff because her dad died, it wasn't my fault she became emotionally unavailable. And she was doing the best that she could. And she's a great mom, but she was doing the best she could. But I could also see that I then started becoming anxious and wondering, is there something wrong with me? And then what I do is years later attract people into my life that I felt like I wasn't good enough for. I would overcompensate. They would feel that needy energy on me and it would repel them. And everything shifted for me when I took my energy back and I realized that the shame, the feeling of feeling broken when I was a kid was not my fault. It was not my fault my mom's dad died and she was emotionally unavailable. It was not my fault that my dad didn't protect my brother and I from my ex-stepmom when I was growing up. It's not my fault that my parents divorced. It wasn't my fault that I attracted my ex-stepmom in my life. I didn't have to internalize it so much. And when I realized it wasn't my fault, I then let go of the shame, the unworthiness, and I started to feel worthy. I started to recognize the beauty and like the good things in myself. I'm like, wait, like I'm actually a pretty cool fucking person. I'm actually authentic and like I love what I'm doing and I'm passionate. I wanna help people. Like I started to realize the good parts of myself. And as I started to recognize that in myself, dating became way easier. It was way easier for me to let go of past relationship because also the same shame that the brokenness, and I realized it wasn't my fault. I also realized that for past relationships, it wasn't my fault. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't good enough. It was also they were dealing with their stuff. And it helped me take my energy back and it helped me not feel so powerless or like there's something wrong with me. And that changed just about everything. So one of the most powerful takeaways that you can get from this whole dynamic and just reading these random articles is that you don't wanna make anybody miss you because that is manipulation and that is playing with an energy that you will only attract more of. Instead of making someone miss you, you can let them miss you because you have let go. And the way you let go is you recognize that it's a meaning that you're staying attached to. And one of the main reasons you may be attached to a meaning is because you're afraid that if you let that meaning go, it'll be gone forever. If I let this person go, then it was my one chance at love and I will never feel love. If I let this go, then I'm letting go of a part of myself. And I'm here to tell you that it might be kind of scary to let go, but all letting go is a choice. And when you make that choice, you then create room for new meaning. You then create the energy to go after your passion, so that then you meet someone that's also in their passion, they're being the most authentic version of themselves. You stop being manipulative and then you start attracting people that also don't have that manipulation energy inside of them, so it's more full. Do you guys see this? That's the difference is you always attract a one-on-reflection of who you are. And when you realize that you can let go of old meaning because you will create new meaning, it makes it a lot easier. Not that I'm saying that this, like, think of this idea too. Imagine that you had an ex that you just couldn't, it was hard to get over. But imagine that you then found out that they were trying to kill you, that they, not only you, but someone in your family or something like that. And that they were trying to harm someone in your family. Very quickly, you may say, actually, I can let this go because you don't mess with my family. So we have these little things that like, I'm not saying that we need to like psych ourself up or like, you know, create a narrative in our mind to make us let go, but like you can let go. But there's a story that you're attached to about this person that puts a halo around them that makes it very hard to let go. But really you might just be afraid to let go because you're afraid that you're not gonna find meaning in something else, whether that's a passion or whether that might be a person. But the first thing you wanna do is find the meaning within yourself and to realize you are generating the meaning. Realize your own sense of worthiness. Realize that your parents' emotional unavailability, physical unavailability, if they ever left or abandoned you, had nothing to do with you. That was their stuff, not yours. And then start to realize that you can commit to you being in your own frame, you being in your own body, filling up your own cup. And as you start being vulnerable, you make the choice to be vulnerable, knowing that the more vulnerable you are, the more you are your real self, the more you're gonna attract someone else who's being their real self, and you'll attract an equal reflection. Now I will say as well, one of the most powerful videos I've ever made is on how to let go of codependent energy. It is an episode that I was surprised by how much it resonated with people, but I knew it was like, it was me getting honest and getting to the core of my own codependency stuff and transforming it. So if you haven't checked out that video yet, it's one of the most powerful videos that I've made. It's on codependency. How to release the energy. It's right here. Check out that video. It'll build perfectly on what I'm talking about in this whole thing. It will let them miss you more because you'll be taking your energy back. Listen to that video and watch how it changes your life. In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again.