“Let them” not like you and become FREE

When I talk to somebody, I feel the energy and I know how you're feeling and I change or kind of, you know, according to my intuition.

Is it intuition or is it a survival mechanism? Interesting thing to question, isn't it? Is it intuition? A lot of times spiritual people have been through childhood pain in the past. That childhood pain, the tension that was in the household in the past, they then developed an acute ability to tune to everybody else, to know how everyone else feels. And then we call that intuition. It's my intuition to know how everybody else is feeling. There may also be, so I'm not saying it's not intuition, I'm just offering a perspective where we start looking at maybe as a kid, it was an experience that as a survival mode, I need to stay safe. So knowing the micro movements in someone's face, knowing the subconscious gestures they make to know whether they're telling the truth or not, Knowing how you feel with other people, it's something that can be very powerful to become. It may be something that attributed to it, right? But ultimately the question I would ask is, why is it so important to know the difference between intuition and projection?

Oh, well, it's for my own learning and development, uh, because I'm very tuned into it. So I feel like I need to know if it's my own projection Or is it really my intuition? My thing is that it's not just the childhood. It's true, it's a survival mechanism. When you grow up, you want to see how is mom going to behave or how is dad going to behave depending on how you're doing. But it's also because my profession, I'm very people's person. I'm a physician, so I have to talk to people and then feel what I'm saying, how they're feeling. So I think it's more about my social skills, the way my profession is. That by interacting with people, I just know, you know?

Yeah, I get it.

How they are behaving is like my next response will be according to that.

Yeah.

So, but when somebody says that it could be a projection, so that puts—

What are you afraid of if someone says it's a projection? How does that make you look?

I think my whole idea is I don't want to misinterpret this, right?

Why?

Because again, it's very important for interpersonal relationships. Deal with people.

Why don't you want— why don't— I'm gonna press that. Why do you not want to be perceived as projecting it?

Because I feel like that's kind of my superpower, right? So I want to kind of make sure that it's—

so your superpower is I'm very intuitive. You do it for a living. You have aspects of your personal life, professional life that are connected to this. Projection is something you don't want— you don't want to have. Yeah. And what are you avoiding?

Misreading the other person. I think it's more about like, I don't want other person— like, if it's my own projection, then it's not fair for you, you know, because I'm projecting onto you, right? You understand that?

In what way— in what ways would you be projecting onto someone else? Can you give me an example?

I don't know because I don't project. I feel like, you know, because this is what somebody else told me.

Okay, so you're just doing this for someone else that might have the thing.

So I'm trying to understand this.

Yeah.

So I'm trying to understand this.

You're trying to understand it just in case I'm really intuitive.

Is it just my projection?

What is it?

You know?

Yeah. So yeah, it's an interesting thing. I'll give an example of this in my own way where I also, by the way, feel like I know where people— like you call it intuition, whatever. I know how I feel around people. I can read people really well. So I kind of— I have the same thing going on. I'm just— Offering kind of a new perspective there around that. I've had times where I'd be in a situation that was a replayed dynamic from childhood in some way, whether— I won't go into this whole story, but I had an experience with a landlord last year where there was a landlord that I dealt with that felt like things weren't fair. There was an authority figure. My authority figure as a kid was like things weren't fair. Very similar thing. And I was aware in the moment that my intuition was on point with what I could see that everything going in the direction it did, and it did. I was also aware that there were parts of the story I was also projecting onto this person. And it's a tricky thing that like there's not gonna be a clear thing where we know, is it intuition or is it projection? It's probably a mixture of both. But if you beat yourself up when you become aware that you're projecting, I honestly, I project often onto friends. I project often onto even you guys when I'm coaching you, when I think I know a problem or a challenge that you'll see me up here projecting my own stuff when I'm working with somebody. But I'm not afraid to admit it because it happens. It happens when you have it. I think even though it happens, I believe because I'm genuine, you probably let it slide. Am I right? You're probably like, he's doing what he can, but I can see that maybe his mom's stuff or dad's stuff's coming out, right? So in an interesting way, what I've done is I surround myself with people and friends where we're able to kind of like hold that space for each other. There are times in my business partnership with my best friend I've been in a business with for like 6, 7 years, There are times I am projecting into our work dynamic or he's projecting into his. He has certain scarcity blocks and different things that I don't have and I have other things that he doesn't have. We hold space for it with each other. We're aware of it. And a lot of times what we do is we let, we're not afraid to like to talk to each other and to kind of call each other out in a way, in like a safe way. But also there's times we just kind of let each other run it out for a little bit because it's our own lessons. We do that. There's times he's working through something and I just, I can see it. It's very clear for me what he's going through. He can't see it because he's in the bottle, right? You're in the bottle, it's hard to read the nutrition label.

Yeah.

I'm outside of it, I can read it. You guys like that? You should read the labels. So because I'm outside the bottle, I can say, "I can see it." But a lot of times, even when I'm coaching up here, there's times I can see things, but I can't, I can't just call it out because if I call it out, it's not yours to keep. So I try to ask questions and I try to get there, but it's like I just do the best I can. So basically what I'm saying is I believe that it's a good intention to become aware of the projection. I think that we do it and we're literally looking for people to replay familiar dynamics with us over and over again. So our intuition or our survival mechanism that's gone into our gift, and I wouldn't be, like, I think that I'm like, I do what I do for a living because of what some of the stuff I went through in childhood. It's a gift as much as it is this thing that like also is this thing that has a shadow side. But the thing that I've learned is I can be honest with myself and my own projection knowing it's a little bit of both. A lot of times it's a little bit of both. I had something come up just a couple weeks ago with my business partner and something came up and we were both aware part of it is projection. What I had to do is I had this thing with my business partner where I was very certain, felt very clear about something and I was very certain about it and I wasn't really willing to budge much. And then what happened is he could tell that I was really certain about it, but he couldn't tell if it was just my projection or my childhood stuff coming up. And what happened is eventually what I did is I worked through it and I was aware that I was projecting. Also, what I said was true. Does that make sense? It could be a little bit of both. I acknowledged this, sent a voice note to my business partner. I said, you know what? I'm completely letting go. And I, you know, it's a business partnership, so we make decisions together. I'm completely letting go and I recognize that a lot of it was projection. Once I let it go, you wanna know what happened? He completely agreed and backed it and thought that was the best thing. He just wanted to make sure it wasn't just only my projection running the story. But I shared that this projection's coming up, I know it's from my childhood and stuff like that. I'm willing to just be like, I don't have to put that much energy on this so we can just let it ride out for a while, that's fine. And the moment I let go of that pressure, he's like, no, the best thing to do is exactly what you said. Okay, we'll do it then. If you, you know, like, okay, we're both on the same page. So what's interesting about that is I believe it can be a little bit of both. You could be both projecting and intuitive about something. And the key is giving yourself grace and knowing that it's happening regardless. I think even if we think I don't project at all, let's be honest with ourselves, right? We do project. Sometimes we're like 80% correct. Maybe sometimes we're completely off the mark, you know? But it's about being honest with ourselves. For me, I find it's about being honest with myself and recognizing that that's part of learning. Like, it's good. Like, not that you project in a way that's harmful for other people, but ultimately, if it leads you to more awareness within yourself and you're able to look at yourself, you're able to learn from it. Does that make sense?

Absolutely. I love that you shared that, that you are kind of the similar way. And your technique, the way you did with your business partner, was the whole space space for it and then kind of realized it. As I'm talking to you, I'm also realizing that, uh, maybe the solution is when I say something, I feel like it's intuition, I have to— again, the way this person is responding to me, I probably have to reassess again. So was it my intuition or a projection based on how you responded? So it's kind of not just like thinking it's all intuition, it's right of also thinking that it could be my projection Absolutely. Reassessing every time you get a response from this person. That way you can tap into the realness of it. Like, is it projection or intuition?

And what— and so first off, let's give it up for her for that awareness. That's great.

Thank you.

So the other side of this—

awareness right now. So thank you.

So the other side of this, though, is sometimes we might be afraid to get it wrong, right? Afraid to have the wrong answer. Afraid to like misinterpret something?

For me, like, because I'm not afraid of those things, for me it's more about I just don't want to do something like I don't want to read you wrong, you know? So that's my main priority. I'm not afraid if I'm wrong, it's fine, you know?

But why would you be afraid if you read someone else wrong?

I think it's because I'm kind of afraid of letting them down.

And then what would happen if you let them down?

I mean, probably the fear of disappointment.

And then what would happen?

I think that's the process that I'm still kind of— when you did that meditation in the beginning, Aaron, like there was a box. I opened the box and the slip read, "Let go." Yeah. So in my life, I have to let go of a few things. So I think it's coming from there, letting go of outcome, letting go of— like perfection and letting go of— Yeah, not disappointing people, you know, right?

It's all kind of connected.

Yeah, exactly.

Perfectionism, not disappointing people.

Yeah.

What are you really avoiding?

Interesting.

Um, just feel into your body.

Yeah, yeah, I think I'm just like avoiding Again, like disappointment, you know, from—

yeah, yeah. What if you could let yourself be disappointed or let someone else be disappointed of you?

Yeah, I think that's a big difference. I'm okay with disappointing myself, but I don't feel very comfortable when other people feel disappointed with me, you know, right? So I think that's what I have to work on.

So what if, what if, what if you— that part of you was in front of you and you let that part of you in? 'Cause you imagine, we used the analogy earlier, right?

Yeah.

Knock, knock, knock, someone's at the door. You open up the door and there is a part of you that's afraid of disappointment, a part of you that doesn't wanna disappoint.

Mm-hmm.

And then you open up the door and what do you do?

I hug that inner child and say, it's okay, you can disappoint me.

Right, you can disappoint me. Yeah. Okay, so as you do that, that's where the goal, that's where you can begin working with that energy because the thing you're avoiding is actually the medicine.

That's true.

And you should like put yourself, like I'm not saying you should go out and just project yourself everywhere intentionally, but let yourself disappoint people. Like let yourself express something that's coming up for you knowing that they might be disappointed. But if you're authentic and vulnerable, it's not your thing to manage. So we get back to this thread that we were talking about earlier, right? When did you decide it was your responsibility to disappoint or not disappoint people? So you're putting out the dance move of, I don't wanna disappoint you, I don't wanna disappoint you, which means you're probably attracting people in your life that you're afraid you're gonna disappoint, maybe even hard to please, could be. But these, and then this mechanism of, is it projection, is it intuition, et cetera, is maybe a means by which to Play the game, do the dance move. Do you see?

Yeah.

So what do you think, what do you think the insight here for you is around this, around this, this pattern? You said it yourself, it let go.

Correct. Yes. So around disappointment, I think what I learned is I usually know that again, it's again coming from the sense of control. And I know you're going to say to, you know, kind of let go and don't try to control everything. But if somebody's disappointed, I just wanna make sure it's not like from what I did. I understand that even if I did something, somebody could be disappointed. So my takeaway from this is to kind of let go of that outcome completely. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and the thing is, is you can let yourself embrace that emotion, let go, but acknowledging it is powerful as well. But what is it? So it sounds like it's about the other people. Everything's about the other people. You don't want to disappoint someone else. You don't want their perception of you, right? So there's most likely some form of responsibility that you feel for them. Yeah. And what would it mean if they were disappointed?

I mean, now I would say it's okay to be disappointed, right? It's okay.

No. Okay. That's a disappointing answer. If I'm being honest. I'm just being honest here.

I'm okay with it.

I'm just being honest. I thought you were going to get it, but I was very disappointed with that answer. We might have to move on.

That's okay. That's fine.

Is it really? Is it really fine?

Yeah, we did.

I think you're just saying it.

No, I'm not.

Once again, I'm disappointed.

No, I'm completely okay with that. I'm disappointed at your second answer.

To the disappointed question?

Well, that's your problem, not mine. There you go.

There you go. Let's give it up for her. Now, now let's look at that energy again. That's your problem, not mine, right? There's— that's your problem, not mine. You can feel the aggression there from all the times in the past that you would— I don't want to disappoint you, right? Right? So there's an energy there where you can become, and maybe that's what's authentic right now. That's your stuff, not mine. Which is a lot of times when we start setting boundaries, that can come out, that kind of aggressive energy, right? But there's also where like, what if there was a softness to it? Where you just let me do, you can let me be disappointed, right? It was interesting. I did this live, I did a live event in, I did a live event in Sedona a few months ago, and there was a woman there that had a question, and she stood— I won't go to the whole story, but she basically stood up and she said that the day before, she was disappointed, and I gave a 2.5-hour-long talk when I was sick, but it was awesome. People loved it. It was like this lady had a huge breakthrough. I thought it was epic, especially considering I was sick. I felt good about it regardless. The next day she stood up and in the morning it was like, I started to feel better the second day, but then it was like, it got like when I was coaching and stuff, there were certain things I was just recognizing and it was like certain, the kind of questions I was getting and stuff. This lady stood up and she said, I want you to know that yesterday you gave a 2.5-hour talk about overgiving and how overgiving is connected to, is like bad or not, you know, like overgiving is selfish, blah, blah, blah. 'Cause that the talk was about like, Overgiving is like abandoning yourself type thing, right? And she stood up and she said, "I'm very disappointed that you gave a 2.5-hour talk and you didn't once talk about how overgiving is good or about how giving is good at all," right? And in the moment that she asked that, there was a part of me that was like aware of what she was asking, but there was a part of me that was like kind of clammed up a little bit, like, did I do something wrong? It was like that old energy, that projection coming up, the projection from my childhood where people could feel it in the room. It kind of changed the energy of the room because there was an energy where it's like, you talked about this for 2.5 hours and I'm disappointed you didn't talk about this. That disappointment, I look back and the way I answered it was I kind of catered to it a little bit and I answered it in the best way that I could. But I looked back later and I could tell that I kind of like caved to the inner child wounding in a way. Does that make sense? I kind of, yeah, I kind of like cater to it where all in all the thing I would, of course afterwards I look, I'm like, how could I work with this person better? You know, not in a confrontational way where I made her feel shame or anything because I could also recognize that the energy she was in was a version of control. It was like her own mechanism she was in. To call out that mechanism could have been very powerful actually, to call it out and be present with it, not judging it, right? But that disappointment was something that I would've said now looking back, I would've been like, well, whose disappointment is that? Is that my disappointment or your disappointment?

Correct.

Where's the disappointment happening?

Mm-hmm.

It's happening in you.

Mm-hmm.

You know, there was an ego part of me that's like, that could have been like, you should grow a YouTube audience and get all these people to come and then you can talk about how giving is good.

Yeah.

That was an aspect of my ego that came up for a minute. And I was like, I should have said that, you know? But that was the part of you that we're talking about right now. It was like, that's your stuff to deal with.

Correct.

Right? But I was aware in the moment of what was happening. That's why this work is so interesting because even when I'm with all of you, there's a mixture of intuition, there's a little bit of projection or a lot of bit of projection, but I'm just honest with myself and willing to look at myself. Now at the same time, the disappointment Energy is who has the disappointment, right? The disappointment is theirs. The disappointment was happening inside of her. She was disappointed. And where we could have brought that is disappointment towards mom and dad, disappointment towards the self. Like, there's so many layers to go, but in the moment I was kind of like not aware of that pattern that was coming up. And I answered it in a way where like I answered the question, everything, but I could tell there was more ways I could have taken that that would've been probably more beneficial for her. Does that make sense? But nonetheless, the disappointment energy, it was the same thing. It was like, oh, that disappoint— Like I could have just called that out too. Oh, that disappointment, where is it happening? Is the disappointment in me? Like if I were to like then just give like a 30-minute sermon about like, just so everyone knows, giving is good, right? Giving is so good. I went on like a 30-minute rant. "Right?" And then I was like, "Do you like it?" You know what I mean? Do you guys see the difference there? It's like we can cater or we can acknowledge it within ourselves and acknowledge where that disappointment is. So in an interesting way, in the same way, there are different energies here. So as a response, it was authentic to say, "That's inside of you," which is the truth. That is inside of me. And that's why I'm playing that energy out with you of being disappointed because I'm trying to help, I'm trying to evoke that energy up and like show you that, It comes up, now you could do something with it. And you can either respond and be like, "That's in you," and it can be edgy. Maybe that's authentic in the moment. But the other option is like, "Oh, that's happening inside of you." That's yours, that's your stuff to deal with. Their disappointment is not your thing to manage. And there's a lot of freedom that comes with that. Can you imagine like running a live event and then it's like, "I want all of you guys to approve of me. I don't wanna disappoint any of you." And if I had this, I'd put so much pressure on myself, I wouldn't be able to do these events, right? But imagine we do that in our life around friends and family and we want every, it's like you feel drained around people sometimes, right? We might, yeah. Especially you having this intuitive connection, it's like, it's almost information overload. Whereas somebody that maybe doesn't have that same ability is able to just go and interact with people and it's not a big deal, you might feel like, you almost see too many things and you're trying to manage too many things, but it's partially coming from survival, partially coming as this intuitive gift. Maybe they're connected, right? So what do you think after everything that we're talking about? Okay, so embodying that energy of letting me, so if you were to respond again, maybe try out that energy. We're here right now, we're intellectually learning ideas and stuff, but it becomes real when we can viscerally feel it, right? So what would it sound like? So if I was like disappointed, I honestly thought that you had more, that you'd have more to add to this conversation or you would get it sooner.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

And then if I was really pressing on that, how could you respond in an authentic way?

I would say open the door and look at your inner child and that inner child is disappointed. Now you go and hug the inner child.

To me?

Yeah.

Okay, so you'd start coaching me?

Yes.

Got it. Okay. And then what would that do?

Well, that will heal you.

Blow my mind. You heal me. Nice.

Yeah.

Just heal me on the spot. You just say that word and I'm like, oh my God, you're right. But what is the thing here for you? Because do you see how a lot of times if we are to, the thing is, is we're either tuned to ourselves or we can be tuned to others, or we can be tuned to the space in between both, right? So as kids, if there was tension in the household, we might decide that my job is to manage everybody else around me. I have this intuitive ability to see into everybody else, but then you carry that burden with you everywhere you go. And then you know you have been conditioned to look at other, other, other, you, you, you, you, you, you. How do all of you feel But instead of asking, how do I feel? You see the difference there?

It's very funny you say that because we were just having this conversation where I said before, I would always say, you know, the other person— how is the other person feeling when I'm talking to them? It's all that. But very recently, I've started to tap into how I am feeling when I'm talking to you, like how I'm feeling when I'm talking to her and her. And that really helps you kind of tune in.

100%. Yeah.

So we were just talking on that stuff.

[Speaker:AARON DOUGLAS] That's awesome. So it's interesting that the questions that you have are also kind of connected to that. That's a huge shift in energy when you start tapping into that because the question changes. Like you can go on a date or you can go out with people and ask, does this person like me? How does this other person feel? Are they disappointed in me? Or you can go on a date and you can ask, how do I feel? Around this person?

Exactly.

How do we have shared values? Like these are different questions to ask. And the thing is, is some of us have only been asking the one question because in childhood it wasn't safe to ask yourself. No one else maybe was encouraging you to ask yourself.

Exactly. Yeah.

So then we're trying to figure it all out and we make it a rule and we play the game of I don't wanna disappoint people. But if we're trying to not disappoint people, will continue to attract situations because we're playing that game. It's like you'll become free when you are not attached whether you disappoint someone or not.

Exactly.

Because if you think about it, if you think about your energy field, the 11 to 15 million bits of information that are around you, the 100 bits per second that you can perceive of, the 100 bits per second is the disappointment. Not disappointing, not disappointing, not disappointing, but what's in your field? An attachment to that, right? Even if it's the opposite, it's 'cause there's an avoidance of feeling it. But if you let it be okay whether you disappoint people or not, that's when you're really free.

Yeah.

You can let people not like you, you will be more free. But part of this means not disappointing yourself.

Yeah.

Do you see this? Mm-hmm. So if you know you're doing the best you can, even me, I'm like, at times I'm intuitively connecting to people and at times I'm projecting. I'm doing the best I can.

Mm-hmm.

And because I'm doing the best I can and sometimes I'm wrong or I'm not accurate, I know I'm doing the best I can, therefore I don't disappoint myself. Does this make sense? Yeah. So it's almost like the internal mechanism of our survival mode is more connected to how can I manage other people's emotions, et cetera. It's a survival tool. I don't want other people to feel disappointed, survival tool. We're avoiding it, but we're also like, we're disappointing ourselves because we're not checking in with us. So it's like, if you start to, what's the opposite of disappointment? Approval. So if we approve of ourselves, we won't look for it in other people so much. Is that true?

Yeah.

When you start to approve of yourself, but the barometer for how we approve of ourself, we've never really looked at because sometimes we think that our approval is linked to what other people think about us, right? If we think it's about, if our mechanism for understanding whether we're worthy or not is what other people think about us, we have completely given away our power.

It should also not come from your ego though.

It shouldn't come from your ego, right? Why?

Uh, if you feel like you're right all the time, yeah, then it's coming from you.

That's true.

Yeah, when you say that you have to approve yourself, you also have to see that it's not coming from your ego, that you're always right.

What if you could even approve of that? Do you see? Because we could say, oh, the ego Then we're not approving the ego part of us. This is where awareness comes into place because we can allow ourselves to accept even the ego that thinks it knows what's right, 'cause the ego wants to be right. Ego wants its payoffs. But a lot of times we hear, you know, ego is the enemy.

I don't think so. I think we have to work with our ego.

I agree. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. I think we work with our ego. Yeah. We learn, we become aware of our ego. We become aware of the parts of ourselves that, maybe we had priorly not accepted, right? And as we accept us and as we have a barometer that's more so connected to how we're showing up in the world of like doing the best that we can, living in integrity, choosing vulnerability and choosing authenticity, it's like we know who we are. So if other people don't see us a certain way, that's not our thing to manage. We know how we feel. So in an interesting way, it's like this starts to flip the game in the sense that you then aren't gonna need people to disappoint you or to, you don't care whether they disappoint, you disappoint them or not because you approve of yourself. Do you see?

Yeah.

So how can you take this energy with you moving forward? Are there ways in which you can approve of yourself more? Is there something about yourself that you've been disappointed of in the past? That you haven't allowed, that you haven't accepted yet?

Um, I think we all have things, you know.

We all— absolutely, yeah, we all do.

Yes, probably.

Yeah, yeah. So maybe moving forward you can work with that energy and begin to accept that and accept the part of yourself that doesn't— it's sometimes it's intuition, sometimes it's projection, sometimes it's a little bit of both. It's okay.

I just got a lot of clarity on that.

Yeah, it's okay. So just allow yourself to do the best that you can and allow yourself to focus on that approval within yourself and watch that then you will not crave it from other people in the same way. And if you do disappoint them, that's okay. Maybe the disappointment is what is a part of their journey, right? Like that's something for them to sit with. It could be like the Carl Jung quote. It's like we don't need to, we might be trying to avoid other people from being disappointed or from feeling certain emotions and trying to fix them, but we're robbing them of an important stage of development. So what happens is we can just allow ourselves to accept this part of ourselves and to interact in the world in that way. Does that help?

That makes sense, yes.

Awesome, let's give her a hand. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.